Live the Life of an Indoor Cat

Self-isolation may become the catch phrase of 2020. As I walk about my relatively unscathed life-to-date, I am grateful for every little thing that pushes me out of my natural desire to be self-isolating right now.

Then I thought of our cats ...

We have two indoor cats. Cats whose nature is to roam free, chase bugs, hunt mice and do their part in perpetuating the cycle of life.

We have domesticated their lives and asked them to live inside our cages. We bring them food, take care of their needs, provide natural light and windows to the world outside. We allow them to see what they are missing but a pane of glass keeps them from the life they are born to live and the life we have imposed on them. We think adoring and loving them unconditionally makes up for all they have lost.

Our cats have been self-isolating within our home ever since we adopted them.

I am now hearing the voice of my dad as a child:

Grandma had geese at the Rutherford place. One time she was feeding the geese and a goose had chop all over its bill. It grabbed at and bit Dad's eye and really hurt him. Later on, Dad came back and poked the goose in the eye and said, “There! See how it weels [feels]?!”

Yes, I hear our cats chiding us as we adapt to the idea of self isolating. "See how that feels?"

The life of an indoor cat. Yes, we are beginning to have a glimmer of understanding how hard it is to fight our natural desire to socialize and be among nature and life itself.

Rabbits and Social Distancing

Watching our neighborhood rabbits is one of my all time favorite things to do.

As the world feels like it is spinning out of control and we are bombarded with continual news updates and reminders of the wide spread effect of the world pandemic, I find myself drawn to our living room window waiting and watching for nature to amaze and astound me.

Enter our rabbits.

We have at least three rabbits who frequent our front yard. Sometimes I just spot one, but they seem to be aware of each other's proximity at all times. Whatever language rabbits speak, I'd like to learn it.

They may appear to be isolated but they seem to know others are close by. Something for all of us to keep in mind as isolation is not as comfortable for some as it is for others.

I sat and marveled at the rabbit having a little snack in our front yard as dusk arrived. It was light enough for me to notice the tips of its ears were dark. There are light splotches of dark fur starting to emerge on its back. Its muzzle appeared to be darkening ... 

No matter what is going on in the world around us, spring is coming. Days are lengthening. The sun continues to rise each and every morning. Life goes on.

As I sat and gazed at this rabbit, I silently wished it would turn around and face me so I could glimpse its face. And the rabbit turned around and appeared to be looking right back at me and our cats.

I choose to believe the rabbits sense us watching them and quietly observe us just as much as we watch over them. I believe they sense the safety the pane of glass in our living room window affords them. We can watch and appreciate each other at a distance.

Rabbits are naturals at social distancing. There is so very much in the world around us that can be appreciated best at a distance.

Savor the distance and appreciate what it brings into view. Let's keep looking for the good ...  

Good Things Will Come

As I dipped into my revolving supply of morning smoothie ingredients and was quietly grateful for that which is "on tap" within our home on a regular basis, I felt my gratitude multiplied this morning.

Many, many (many) decades ago an acquaintance mentioned her parent's habit of always keeping an extra of everything they used regularly on hand. When their spare item was taken from its place in the pantry, it was immediately replaced. Thus, they always had a ready supply of all regularly used items on hand.

I immediately incorporated "keeping a revolving inventory on hand" into my way of living and budgeting. Any time someone took the last item from our stock, they were supposed to write it on the list so I knew to replace it. This way of shopping has served us well over the years.

Add "budgeting" into this formula and there are times when I'm waiting for the next pay cheque or credit card cut off date before I replenish my supplies. That was exactly were I landed last Friday.

I have been working hard to spend within my allotted budget amount. In order to succeed, I had to wait until Friday to do my shopping. Add the fact that "self isolating" is a way of life for me. I live for weekends where my car doesn't have to leave the garage.  The fact that I had plans to go out that night resulted in shopping at 10 p.m. on a Friday night. Not my favorite place in the world to be. Ever. Let alone in the midst of a time where scarcity is ruling the world as we know it.

I have been very calm, level headed and practical about all the advisories during this time of the COVID-19 Virus. I have read or heard in more than one place: "Everything we need to know, we learned in Kindergarten". Share, don't hog the toys, be kind to one another, protect others when you cough, wash your hands, wash your hands and wash your hands. Stay home if you are sick. And as Glennon Doyle taught me, "do the next right thing".

If we all follow these simple instructions, hopefully we can slow the spread of this virus.

Then I found myself in a Walmart at 10 p.m. on a Friday night, when it should have been close to abandoned. It was busy. The shelves were bare. I had a hard time finding the items on my list to replenish my revolving supply of household goods and groceries.

Yes. I felt the anxiety that is running rampant. I came home to find my son reverberating a different version of the same reality. The university cancelled classes. This is real.

Remember what you learned in Kindergarten. Be kind. Be considerate. Share. Wash your hands often. Plus one amendment to those rules ... give everyone their space and learn to appreciate alone time. This is the breeding ground of great ideas, imagination, creativity and listening to the quiet within the world you may find.

I believe this will get much worse before it gets better. I hear glimmers of hope all around me. Some good will come. I have heard it said that this is giving our earth a chance to breathe. This is a rude awakening ... but it is never so bad that it couldn't be worse.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to our health care system and providers. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who work in the front lines and are exposed to hundreds upon hundreds of people on a daily basis. I can't begin to think that you are bearing the brunt of people's fear and anxiety. Thank you, thank you, thank you to truck drivers and those in the delivery field. We are so very fortunate to have you in our corner.

Please be mindful, considerate and kind. In times of great uncertainty, please let kindness win.

Thank You, Adam

I went to a house concert last night. As a rule, this is one of my favorite things to do.

I don't know the "why's" of why I couldn't find my groove last night. I love the environment. I like the crowd this venue attracts. I enjoyed the company of the person I went with. But I just couldn't get out of my head and simply enjoy the moment I was in.

Then my friend brought my attention to a young boy named Adam (the singer knew him personally and acknowledged him, his birthday and the fact she had known him for most of his life).

Adam personified "living in the moment you are in". He bobbed and moved to the music. He sang out loud with great enthusiasm whenever the audience was invited to sing along. He went up on stage not once, but twice. The second time he was more comfortable and simply could not help but tap along to the beat of the music on the wooden box he sat on.

He moved to the beat, he added a well defined and perfectly timed percussion. He went with the ebbs and flows of the music, louder at times, tapping lightly at others.

Adam's smile was infectious. Watching Adam absorb the music and let it flow freely through him brought me back into the present moment. I felt his enjoyment pulse through me.

I have been thinking far too much lately. I have absorbed too much news and negativity. The state of the world is affecting me.

Then came Adam. Joy personified.

Adam changed the way I felt the world for two hours last night. Adam, you made a difference. I can only imagine how your infectious enthusiasm touched those who had the gift of watching you take in the music. We need more "Adam's" in the world.

Thank you, Adam.

Grounded

I arrived home from work last night to this question/statement: "I may need to borrow your car this weekend". In the moment, I didn't see the benefit of this sacrifice but in the light of day, all I can think is "I can't go anywhere unless I walk. I have to stay home. All weekend. Yay!!!"

My initial thoughts were of the imminent car repair that will be required. Do you repair a car that is 25 years old? Or replace it? I had just uttered the words "My car will need new summer tires in the spring" that very morning. And again, that thought was quickly followed by do I keep putting money into a car that is 18 years old?

Car troubles.

We have been very fortunate that our cars have not required a great deal of maintenance over all. Preventative maintenance has taken care of most of our worries but there comes a time when parts and pieces wear out. Nothing lasts forever.

Repair or replace. My hope is repair costs don't dictate replacement. There is nothing quite like knowing your car's history and I hate starting from scratch with something new-to-me.

The money part will work itself out. It always does. In the meantime, I am reveling in the realization that I am grounded this weekend. In more ways than one. Yes, I am sequestered to our home for two days. But there is no where else I'd rather be.

Being home grounds me. A malfunctioning car has grounded me. This sounds like a perfect combination. I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Happy Friday

Another week has sped by and the weekend is nigh. 

Each week goes by faster than the week preceding it. 

This warp speed of life as I know it 

has me fast forwarding to the lazy hazy sunny days of spring, summer and fall.

I have very little to say 

Except I feel like I must have done something right

with the week I have had at my disposal.

Because life feels so much lighter than it did at the dawn of this new week.

I purged my morning thoughts onto paper

which resulted in a clarity of thought that made a difference.

I made time for "me"

and planned an outing that required no concern but the moment I was in.

The days are longer

Spring is coming

Happy Friday to You!!

You Do Get What You Need

Two down, two to go. The day I stop counting down days until the weekend will be the day I know I have arrived to the elusive destination which feels far beyond my reach.

I realize when one dream is realized it often means the end of the line for another piece of life which has sustained a person until the next plateau.

To reach the point where weekends are not my life line and do not define me, will I be searching for purpose? Companionship? Financial security? What sacrifices will be made to get from "here" to "there"?

What will I lose along the way? What can I do to create the next place I am headed?

My answers lie in gratitude and connection.

I will appreciate what I have while I have it. Life as I know it is not ideal but it is manageable. I believe I must fill myself up with generous doses of sleep, solitude, fulfillment, family, friends and activity to offset the challenging aspects of my days. Balance is key. I cannot exist on work or leisure alone. It is simply that at this stage of living, I do not want my work to define me.

When I am dead and gone, I don't want people to say "She sure was a good worker". I hope instead, they will say some version of "She lived a good life" ... "She was a good friend" ... "She did her best and her best was enough" ... "I am grateful our paths crossed" ...

I am grateful for what I have. I know things could change in a New York minute. I look around me, listen to the people I know and I know I am living a charmed life.

Getting up is hard. But I CAN get up. I jump out of bed and head towards a day which is predictable, safe and provides me with exactly what I need. As I believe my sister was quoted as saying, "You don't always get what you want ... but you do get what you need."

Energizing

After waking up to a weariness which made me feel powerless, I have taken steps to empower myself.

#1 - I made a date with myself last night. I bought tickets to a movie I wanted to see before I stepped out the door yesterday morning. Had I not done so, I wouldn't have followed through. I'm so glad I did.

Staying out two hours beyond my normal home time depletes me. Staying out in order to do something that in no way resembled an errand and felt fun and frivolous was a completely different sensation.

I chose the movie, didn't concern myself with anyone else's enjoyment except for my own, I indulged in a snack and I laughed out loud. Sitting in a theatre on my own, I laughed out loud. 

Laughter defines success. My first "Artist's Date" (as per Julia Cameron's suggestion) was a win.

#2 - I wrote my morning pages this morning. It was hard. My coffee was ready and I so dearly wanted to watch for our neighborhood rabbits. But I woke up with words that needed to be silenced. So I grabbed my pen, wrote whatever my heart dictated, tried to imagine what I would wish for should a fairy godmother grant me one wish ... and I didn't know. 

I wrote in and around and through my thoughts. "What do you want? What is the answer?" rolled around and around and around the page. I don't know. But it felt good to purge my thoughts. Putting pen to paper is usually the beginning to finding an answer. I began.

#3 - I colored my hair. Vanity swoops in for the win. My roots were getting to me. Coloring my hair was ONE thing I could control. So I did it. No regrets.

#4 - After I was well on my way to completing all of my hard things this morning, I gazed out the window and spotted two frisky rabbits taking their last run in the safety of the day that was dawning. I believe they were frantically looking for a good hiding spot for the day. These energized rabbits brought joy to the moment and felt like my reward for doing what had to be done.

My weariness is originating from feeling powerless. It felt good to take control of doing what I needed to do to bring myself back up to a place where I have something to offer.

Filling myself up + doing what is within my control + spotting rabbits = a boost of energy to get me through the day. Now the secret is to do this all over again tomorrow.

What fills you up and energizes you? Look for it and it may come ... create your own Field of Dreams.

Weary

There is a weariness I feel that has nothing to do with physical exhaustion. I feel completely and totally spent.

A good night's sleep doesn't cure me. Nor does a regularly scheduled weekend. But thankfully I do get enough of both of these to allow me to keep putting one foot in front of the other and making it to through the days and the weeks.

The antidote to my weariness is finding lightness of heart wherever the opportunity presents itself.

• Spotting a rabbit
• Spending time with family
• Losing myself in a mindless piece of fiction
• Laughter 
• Quiet ... just plain quiet
• Turning off all the connections to the world

I know a good long walk would cure much of what ails me. Walking conditions are not ideal right now but this too shall pass. Spending time appreciating nature and its ever changing landscape feels like oxygen for my soul.

Being outside, even if it is as simple as sitting in my own back yard calms me. Sitting in a sunbeam in the late stages of winter and the early phases of spring is one of my most favorite things.

As I came upon the realization of all that is within my reach but feels so unattainable at times, I couldn't help but think of my days of daycaring. 

• I took my little daycare family outside at every opportunity
• We walked everywhere and played "I Spy" as we made our way through the residential streets
• We discovered an "Enchanted Forest" where the kids could run through the paths and just be kids
• We marveled at the signs of spring, spotting the first robin, watching an industrious ant carry something ten times its weight, collecting lady bugs and setting them free
• Savoring the moments sitting in a sunbeam in the winter and early spring
• We collected rocks, leaves and any mystical treasures we found along the way
• Finding wonder by looking at life through the eyes of a child was one of the best gifts I received throughout my years of caring for children
• Watching over and listening to contented children at play felt quite literally like heaven right here on earth

I was spent at the end of my daycare days but it was a more well rounded kind of exhaustion. The physical output added with a generous dose of outdoors was offset with "quiet time". Despite the chaos at times, there was a sense of balance to those days.

My present day life is far too sedentary. The need to be "on" all day, every day exhausts me. I know I am exactly where I am meant to be right now and life as I know it could change in a heartbeat. But for the first time in a very long time, I feel I may be the one who cracks under the pressure.

Julia Cameron prescribes daily writing to purge one's early morning thoughts + solitary walks + a date with yourself, for yourself. Julia has recommended exactly what I didn't know I needed and I have been resisting her advise. 

Today is the day. I will make an Artist's Date for myself, by myself. I will fill my soul so my soul has more to give to tomorrow.

I will get up tomorrow morning and write three pages of long hand. I will purge any negativity before the day begins and subconsciously come up with an action plan. Walking? I will find a way. I will.

What can you do to initiate a plan to rejuvenate your weary soul? Little things. It is all in the little things. Try to come up with one small sustainable action you can institute into your routine. 

This is easier said than done. I know. Just try ... and if it doesn't happen today, try again another day. Just don't give up.