Recreating What Works

I had a routine and life style that worked well for me when I ran my daycare. I've been striving to find a way to recreate that-which-worked-best for me ever since. 

As I wrote my way through my morning pages this morning, I realized some of the key ingredients to my daycare days routine are finding their way back into my life.

Routine. Plain and simple, routine is where it is at for me. As much as I strived toward a routine during my bookkeeping days, I didn't have a firm schedule. I could work around getting my work done in a way that allowed flexibility. I appreciated and enjoyed that flexibility. I have missed it now that I have a work schedule and firm work hours to adhere to. Everything else has to work around that. And it does.

Meal planning, regular meal times and trying to work in all the food groups into the day was another positive about managing the appetites, nutrition requirements and needs of my daycare crowd. I'm doing much better providing myself some of the same benefits. I love making extra on the weekend so meals are a breeze throughout the week. I crave "real food" - homecooked verses frozen prepared entrees wins every time. If chocolate bars were considered a food group, I'd have it made in the shade. My diet isn't perfect but I'm eating better than I have for a very long time.

Writing. I started writing for myself (morning pages) three months ago. I started writing out loud just over a month ago. Writing rewires the way I process the world. I start creating stories within my thoughts as I think of how I could retell this in writing. I piece together little bits and pieces of life-as-I-see-it and I amuse myself with the absurdity of my little stories. My inner dialogue is much cheerier than it has been.

Noticing all that Mother Nature has to offer. During my daycare days, we marveled at watching ants, counting lady bugs, collecting stones, making wishes blowing the dandelion puff ... These were the little highlights that found their way into almost every day at daycare. I am entertained by nature's critters again. I love when the birds swoop by the patio doors and tempt me to look outside and watch the show. I miss the rabbits that used to hop by my city home. We have squirrels here instead. Their tracks in the snow confused and amused me throughout the winter. 

I do miss quiet time. Ninety minutes while my little ones slept and the older ones watched a movie. I lived for quiet time. I have yet to find a way to insert quiet time into the middle of my work day. An hour after lunch time to simply be still and quiet. I miss that time.

Walking is something that should be easy to add into my day. But I have not yet succeeded. Too cold. Too icy. Too hot. Too humid. If I was to succeed at a regular walk, first thing in the morning is where it is at for me. But then I have to go to work afterwards, so it's all about preserving the state of my hair. 

Little things. It's all about noticing the little things. Creating little stories as one watches the world go by. Rewiring one's thoughts into something that sparks a little joy.

Remember a time when life felt good. See what little piece of that life you can add back to recreate a little piece of what works best.

Going With the Flow

One more day to savor this April long weekend. My only plan for the day is to go with the flow. Toss out one invitation and happily go wherever that may take me.

Aaahh!! Relief. Pure and utter joy. All the hard-things-to-do are in my in my rear view mirror. Until the replacement set of things-to-do take up the space vacated. Out with the old, in with the new.

Each and every time I cleaned house, I literally made space for the next turn of events. 

My first home began with a clean slate. I bought a brand new townhouse, moved in with my one-year-old and everything we needed to make a home.

The next move meant abandoning that very home and everything in it, with my two children. Another fresh, new slate in a brand new location. 

My next home became a home where many transitions happened under that roof. My oldest moved out, my youngest was born, a daycare was created, a daycare was dismantled, which made room for Mom's belongings, soon I had enough excess to furnish an entire second home, when the excess moved out, my former employers files and filing cabinets moved in and three years after that, all those files moved back out and so did I.

I moved into that little home, once filled with the excess from my long time home and those furnishings have bit-by-bit been replaced with furnishings of my own choosing. A little bit of "Mom" sprinkled here, there and everywhere accessorized with a little touch of "me".

This little house has become home. It is a lovely little spot in the universe. I think I'll stay.

But for today? I am simply going with the flow and breathing in every moment of contentment I am feeling. This too, shall pass. So I will savor the moment while it is within my grasp.

Home Sweet Home

In the Quiet I Can Hear ...

Today is my favorite day. A weekday when I don't have to work, be anywhere or be anything to anyone. I'm walking to the beat of my own heart this morning and it is life affirming.

First off, I made myself a cup of coffee. Then I turned on the Christmas lights and left the rest of the house in darkness. No music, no podcasts, no outside interference whatsoever.

I could hear the furnace cutting in and warming the chilly morning air. I listened to the train whistles as they bustled through our little town. Eventually Mom's clock woke up and started chiming the hour. Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong!

It was 6:00 a.m. and I marvelled at how time travelled at such a slower pace without my regular morning diversions. I sat in my rocking chair, opened all the blinds, enjoyed the view and heard my thoughts bubbling to the surface.

I grabbed a pen and pad. I started writing little lists of hopes, dreams and aspirations. First, thinking of my home. Next, looking inward and thinking of my personal wish list. My personal thoughts were capital letter items. 

The house and yard dreams came with a price tag. My personal wish list was priceless. Write. Move. Invite. Remember the joy of puttering. Re-create boredom to find stillness and space to feel the creative juices again ...

Then the clock started chiming more hours away. The closer I got to 8:00, the more practical my list became. 

Get a landline. Goal - use my cell phone as required but not for emails, podcasts, scrolling, shopping, checking the weather or highway conditions. Use the computer for "all of the above". Be INTENTIONAL with my cell phone usage.

Final words as I put my pen and paper down to write this:

JUST BEGIN

THREE DAY WORK WEEK IS THE GOAL

... and that is just the front of the pages ...

Feeling Reflective

It is a "third cup of coffee" kind of day. I have frittered away my bonus morning hours reflecting and rereading my own words. It is no wonder we find such solace in relationships where we speak openly and honestly and are "real". I find comfort simply rereading my own words. 

I was reading between all the lines of what I wrote, recognizing the truths known only to me that are woven into the general stories I retell here. I am longing to physically remove myself from my reality and put some distance between real life and find a renewed perspective.

I miss my visits with Mom. During her final year, I made the five hour road trip regularly. Five hours to be still with my thoughts. Five hours to distance myself from my regularly scheduled life. Days with Mom where we visited for hours on end and Mom said all the motherly things my sister now says.

It is no wonder I find such solace in my little weekend oasis an hour out of the city. Not as much distance but gas prices have inflated to a point where one hour of driving is nearing the cost of my five hour drives six years ago.

A place to call home and share conversations where I hear Mom's voice echoed back and forth between my sister and me. Ahhh.

I'm planning to go "home" again soon. I have found a place to stay in Mom's old neighborhood. I have enough AirMiles accumulated to subsidize the gas prices. I have accumulated points on my credit card to cover a little frivolous spending and dining out. I am hoping for weather mild enough to wander the streets and back alleys where I grew up. I have family and friends to spend my time with and even the luxury of inviting them to my little home-away-from-home.

What used to be a regular old trip has become a vacation. I am longing for the sense of peace I get when surrounded by my past with a good dose of presence of people I feel so close and comfortable with.

In Your Own Back Yard

I'm feeling a tad wordless this morning (thank goodness, you may be thinking as you read this),

so I have returned to a post I started last week.

As I headed out on my morning stroll, I admired the lilacs in bloom in our own back yard. This is the view from the catwalk beside our house:

Hidden out of view in this picture is a rabbit who I followed into a neighborhood I rarely, if ever, explore on my walks. I was focused on the rabbit and where it led rather than taking in the scenery all around me. It was an incredible journey.

When I returned home, my attention was once again focused on the lilac tree in full bloom right in our own back yard.

[yes, I see the tree is in need of some trimming to get rid of the dead branches]

As invigorating as it was to get out, walk and explore the neighborhood, returning home brought the sense of "ahhhh" I have come to know and love. 

I could hear the echoes of my daycare days when every nook and cranny of our back yard was put to use.

I envision each of our (past and present) cats enjoying our yard in their own unique ways.

I remember when Mom and I sat on the deck one cool Good Friday morning and she told me, as she had told me many times before, that Good Friday is often overcast and dreary. The sun usually comes out Easter Sunday.

I reminisce about the many visits I've had on our deck. Family gatherings, one-on-one visits, sharing a "cold beverage" after a hot day or a cup of coffee on a cool COVID-restricted-visiting day.

I think of the times I simply stopped and savored the present moment, listening to birds, watching the sky, letting my thoughts wander ...

Sometimes we only have to go as far as our own back yard to find exactly what we are looking for.

Rabbits and Social Distancing

Watching our neighborhood rabbits is one of my all time favorite things to do.

As the world feels like it is spinning out of control and we are bombarded with continual news updates and reminders of the wide spread effect of the world pandemic, I find myself drawn to our living room window waiting and watching for nature to amaze and astound me.

Enter our rabbits.

We have at least three rabbits who frequent our front yard. Sometimes I just spot one, but they seem to be aware of each other's proximity at all times. Whatever language rabbits speak, I'd like to learn it.

They may appear to be isolated but they seem to know others are close by. Something for all of us to keep in mind as isolation is not as comfortable for some as it is for others.

I sat and marveled at the rabbit having a little snack in our front yard as dusk arrived. It was light enough for me to notice the tips of its ears were dark. There are light splotches of dark fur starting to emerge on its back. Its muzzle appeared to be darkening ... 

No matter what is going on in the world around us, spring is coming. Days are lengthening. The sun continues to rise each and every morning. Life goes on.

As I sat and gazed at this rabbit, I silently wished it would turn around and face me so I could glimpse its face. And the rabbit turned around and appeared to be looking right back at me and our cats.

I choose to believe the rabbits sense us watching them and quietly observe us just as much as we watch over them. I believe they sense the safety the pane of glass in our living room window affords them. We can watch and appreciate each other at a distance.

Rabbits are naturals at social distancing. There is so very much in the world around us that can be appreciated best at a distance.

Savor the distance and appreciate what it brings into view. Let's keep looking for the good ...  

Kitty Quiet Time

I love when I'm home to enjoy quiet time with our cats ...

The house becomes very still in and around 1:00 and I enjoy seeking out our cats to find them in their preferred resting spot for the day.

Quiet time goes on. 

With or without my daycare. 

My daycare kitties are holding space for this sacred time. 

I love the days when I can join them in their place in the sun.

Finding Your Place in the Sun (it may be closer than you think)

New calendar page, new year, new insights for what I want this blog to represent for the year 2020.

Most of all, I want to endeavor to write with more purpose. My thoughts may still be relatively unpolished here in this space but I do want to make room for what is working for me. By writing it out loud, I may live more productively and if by any chance, someone else may have a "me too" moment, that is a bonus.

I have stumbled onto something which feels rather big to me early this year. It is the serenity I find within "Mom's Room", our new den or as a friend of mine referred to it as "Our Cozy Room".

I have been drawn into this room on several occasions now. To enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with a friend; to sort through pictures and mementos; to write my morning pages; to write my thoughts as I work through Julia Cameron's newest book; and I hope to settle in with a good book one day soon.

I walk into this room and I'm enveloped with a peaceful easy feeling. It is lovely.

Do you have a space within your home where you feel calmer, more grounded and simply more of the "you" you aspire to be? If so, allow yourself the gift of soaking it all in, make it home and a place where you can get away from it all, right under your own roof.

With these temperatures (-33º C with 19 km/hr winds this morning), finding your own piece of sun within, is a wonderful thing. 

A blissful moment in my "Sunshine Room"

Synchronicity

I am working my way through "It's Never Too Late to Begin Again" by Julia Cameron. 

Julia instructs her readers to divide their current age by twelve. In my case, since that answer is five, my first assignment is to go back and recall memories, smells, feelings and all I know about my first five years.

Lucky for me, what I lacked in actual memories, I was able to find in pictures.

Mom and me

I love the look on Mom's face in this picture. I am amused by the ashtray and cigarette at her side. This was the norm back then. Nothing unusual there. Except perhaps the fact that Mom is wearing plaid pants with a striped top. Now that one makes me sit and wonder what inspired her choice in attire that day. Maybe that was the norm too?

Dad and me

I'm a little older here. Once again, I love how Dad is looking at me. Obviously I was placed in the crook of his arm for picture taking purposes only (who would read a paper with a baby in their arms?). I find it comforting that Dad is reading a paper here. Dad sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper is how I think of Dad when I think of him relaxing. 

My Sisters and me

I have been told my sisters were pretty excited to have a new baby in the house and I was adored as a child. Mom saved a card of congratulations from my uncle saying "Congratulations to the 2 sisters too - I hear they're pretty happy people." I have few sister-memories from this age and stage of my life but I have a feeling the closeness I feel to them stems from their attachment to me from day one. Apparently plaid and stripes were the norm back then - check our my sister's attire above.

Momma Cat and me

I don't really remember Momma Cat (I think that was her name) but this picture encapsulates the way I still feel when I'm wrapped up in the moment of being a content cat parent. Cats, boxes, cushions and kids. This has been a common theme throughout my life and that of my own children. The expressions on Mom and Dad's faces in the previous photos have been transferred to me - this time I'm the proud "parent".

Sorting through these pictures, putting them in chronological order and scouring the pictures for long forgotten details segued into my first "Artist Date".

I love the way the music of the 1960's makes me feel. In a word? Happy. As far back as my memory goes, there was a record player in our living room. Remnants of my sisters' teen years were the 45 rpm records of the hits from the 1960's remained when I grew into my teens. This music must have been the soundtrack to my youngest years. I remember nothing but the feeling. Happiness.

Yesterday, I played 1960 music in the background while I finally took on the task of sorting through pictures, memorabilia, newspaper clippings, wedding/funeral cards and all that Mom deemed important enough to save. 

I started a photo album of the first five years of my life while music from the '60's played. I let thoughts, feelings, memories and a sense of wonder wash in, around and through me. 

What started out as a quiet little task to assemble memories of "0 to 5 years", became a walk down memory lane.

It is the closest I've felt to Mom in a very long time.

As per usual, the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was open the living room blinds in the hope of spotting a rabbit. I haven't had many rabbit sightings lately but the evidence of their presence is everywhere. Rabbit tracks galore and the need to replenish their food every other day. 

This morning? A rabbit was sitting on the street, facing our window as if it was sitting and waiting for me. I gazed at this lone, still rabbit for a good half hour before something got its attention and it stood on all fours, stretched upwards, looked towards our living room window one last time and hopped down the street. 

Part of this week's assignment was to be mindful of synchronicities as they happen - being at the right place at the right time, thinking of someone and they call and other little ways of calling your attention to the minute details of life and considering how they are connected.

I was looking back on my 2019 calendar and was reminded of a childhood friend I wanted to invite for lunch. I turned the calendar pages a few times and the friend I had just been thinking of called me. We are having lunch together today.

I knew without a doubt I wanted to spend the early morning hours in "Mom's room" yesterday as I planned to concentrate on my "It's Never Too Late..." assignment. The moment I sat still in the room, I was enveloped with a sense of peace and stillness.

Be still and know ...

I sat still with Mom's box of memorabilia, photos and breathed in the day. I spent the day in the room I dubbed "Mom's room" from the very first time she stayed with us. I immersed myself in childhood thoughts, memories, music and felt a warm embrace and the sense of feeling

 "Everything's going to be okay".

Then I woke up to a rabbit gazing towards our living room window this morning. A rabbit who was in no hurry to move on. A rabbit who seemed to be exactly where it was meant to be.

Synchronicity? I like to think so. It feels good ...

A Room With a Door

I have been finding it impossible to book a date, a time and a place with myself to fulfil Julia Cameron's (author of "An Artist's Way") suggestion to make Artist Dates with yourself. I believe she suggested doing this on a weekly basis. The idea sounded lovely. Until I got home.

My life is occupied. I wake up early so I can write, do my puzzles, banking, tend to cat litter and the odd household task and make any outbound calls that are necessary before I must step out of the house and begin the day. 

My days are long. I don't get home until 7:30 p.m. most days. Later, if I have an errand to run. Since my wake-up time is at 5:00 a.m., I don't have much life in me at the end of each day. I am normally in bed by or before 9:00 p.m. Weekdays are not a day to set aside for an Artist's Date.

Then come the weekends. I fritter away a lot of my time on weekends. I can lose myself in the mundane. I get caught up on Netflix, Facebook scrolling, YouTube videos that are at the end of an Internet search which leads me astray. This could and should be a perfect time to make a date with myself to nurture my inner artist. But it isn't.

I like to have the ability to simply go with the flow on weekends. I don't love making plans which encroach on my days off. I like to follow wherever the road leads. As a rule, when one thing falls naturally into the next and the next without a schedule and time restraints, it results in the best unplanned sequence of events one could ever hope for. The best part is that you don't "hope" for anything at all. Because there has been no set up to allow space for a let down. 

Add to this fact, my love for simply being home. I don't want to go places, do things or leave this most wonderful "nest" I live in. Home is where I want to be. I must force myself out of it five days of the week. I don't want to book time away from the place I most want to be.

Which brings me to "yesterday". Yesterday, I was on a quest to find a picture I knew I had which was within the many boxes of pictures, mementos, cards/letters, bits of history and other miscellaneous items of Mom's I have not yet sorted and organized.

I knew exactly where to find the picture I was looking for. It was in a photo box where Mom once told one of her great-grandchildren, was where she stored her most special pictures. This prophecy continues to be fulfilled. Mom's photo box IS filled with pictures that are special to me. This little box was stored within a huge Rubbermaid container full of other photos, etc, etc, etc.

I pushed, pulled, carried and dragged this heavy box upstairs yesterday morning and parked it in "Mom's room" with a purpose.

"Mom's room" is one of the most unused rooms in our home. The door is closed so the cats don't scratch the couch or shed needlessly throughout the room. The room is filled with items I received from Mom's home. This is the room where I want to display family pictures. The room is filled with a sense of serenity.

As soon as I found this box, I made a date with myself. An Artist's Date.

I will pack up and move into this room-with-a-door this upcoming weekend. On whatever day opens itself up to the opportunity. I will set myself up as if I was away from home. I will pack up nourishment for the day, coffee and all the comforts of home. Then I will close the door and immerse myself in memories, photographs, bits and pieces of "Mom" and the history within the box.

I have photo albums, picture frames, pretty boxes, clear 3-ringed sleeves where I can organize bits of memories and history into a binder. I shall open the box full of special photographs and begin. 

I shall make a date with myself, for myself, by myself in "Mom's Room". A room with a door.

P.S. No cell phones allowed! I will be out of service and out of range during this date.

Morning Pages Recap

I have been pretty faithful to maintaining the habit of "Morning Pages" (Julia Cameron - The Artist's Way). The goal of Julia's writing workshop I recently attended was to unblock your creativity.

Morning pages are the root to unblocking the flow (put yourself into a "release" mode), which is to be complimented with "Artist Dates" (a date with yourself to put yourself into a "receive" mode). Add walking to that recipe and you are on your way to a more open and creative mindset.

Despite what I learned from Julia, I have done little more than write these morning pages. A lot of the time, I am annoyed with this new morning chore I have added to my list. But instilling the habit of writing the thoughts I'm thinking upon waking every morning does reveal what is taking up most of the space in my mind.

I have been writing my morning pages for two months now (less the days I had company or was holidaying) and I cannot say I have noticed a remarkable difference in my creativity.

I was not taught anything I didn't already know. I have used writing as a tool to sort through my thoughts for most of my life. I know the healing power of gazing upward into the sky which seems to put life into perspective. I know I need to be quiet within myself to hear the answers I already know.

I yearn for those sitting in a sunbeam moments of clarity. Julia provided me with a road map. I just need to use it.

The recurring theme I keep unveiling is "I am exactly where I am meant to be". For now. I may not be where I want to be. Yet. But every little thing that is going on in and around my world is pushing me in a forward direction.

Everything comes in its own time, in its own way. To rush the process is to push fate. Walk. Set aside time to think your own thoughts. Put yourself into "receive" mode. See what happens. Wait.

Patience, Young Grasshopper. Patience. Good things don't happen overnight. Sometimes some bad stuff has to happen first. One forward step at a time. 

The Day the Computer Died

I was frittering my morning away watching YouTube videos when suddenly the computer died. It just quit. No warning. No fanfare. No bright red boxes indicating a virus had taken control. It just died.

I unplugged the computer cord from the computer. I googled "My computer died" on my phone. I removed the battery. Twice. I unplugged the cord from the computer and walked away.

Hmmm. I wordlessly wondered, "I wonder if that is the end of my computer as I know it?" Then I picked up a book and carried on.

Whimsically, I thought I would call my computer guy on Monday. There was a fair chance files could be recovered. But what if they couldn't? Life would go on. That is that. And I would feel ever so much lighter without carrying around the excess I have amassed on this little computer of mine.

Hours passed. Life moved on. I thought of the computer again and decided to unplug the computer from the wall while I waited for the Computer Doctor's diagnosis.

Then I saw it. The cord was not completely plugged into the wall. In all my attempts to unplug and plug in the computer, I never once checked the outlet on the wall. I was unplugging it from the computer.

I pushed the plug in firmly to the wall and lights started flashing. I turned on the computer and in an instant everything came back to life.

Life is just that simple some times. We complicate matters by overthinking and underacting. Sometimes it is as simple as checking your power source.

It is good to "unplug" and disconnect. It is hard to do this voluntarily but I must admit I was grateful for the hours of computer silence I enjoyed while my computer was out of service.

The day the computer died was destined to be a reflective and quiet one. Then I plugged it in again and all was lost. Even though I knew better. Sigh ...

No lesson to wind up this post. I knew better but I didn't do better. There is always tomorrow.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

I don't want to go home. But I must...

I have done nothing of value since I arrived at my son's farm except for feeding the animals. I fed myself. I slept. I read (and read and read some more). I watched programs I had downloaded off of Netflix. I talked to the cats. Lots. I have tried to make my presence here invisible before I pack up and head home.

I will go talk to the animals some more before I go. I will feed them one more time. Then I must go home. Back to life in the city. I have another week to put in before I can do this "weekend thing" all over again.

How in the world can I do so little and feel so okay about it?

I have declared this weekend a vacation. A vacation away from home and from all responsibilities I have there. Our cats have fended for themselves and now I must go home and clean cat litter. More cat litter. And more cat litter (I put out three extra kitty litter boxes during my absence).

We will need some groceries. The house will need to be vacuumed. There is little more to do other than prepare myself for the week ahead of me.

I have had nothing of value to write during my stay here. I have simply been in awe of all I love about this place my son calls home. I did write a short poem:

We have a fly,

I shall call him Fred.

I can't find a fly swatter

so I'll name him instead.

That is all. It has been a most excellent vacation away from home. I'm so glad I came.

Best Vacation Ever

I woke up in paradise today. I don't know how they get any work done around here. I find myself simply wandering around and gazing out the windows ...

From the birds who were flitting about in the tree outside the bedroom window ... to the dogs who were resting on the deck ... to the cats who seemed to be the first to sense movement within the house (thus, "breakfast time"!) ... to the simplicity of the blue sky, water and nature all around.

This is the most peaceful I can remember feeling.

Not only does this feel like a piece of heaven right here on earth, but there is something rather serene about knowing there is nothing expected of me other than feeding the pets and ensuring they have water. Their mere presence is payback and then some.

I feel "Mom" so strongly within me right now ...

Mom would love it here. My son has put his blood, sweat and tears into this property and has created a home. This land spoke to him from the time he acquired it, looked onto the horizon and started dreaming of all it could be.

Nothing has come easy. My son cleared and cleaned up the land one step at a time. Clearing the debris and excess; building the white fence that marks this place with his own unique signature; shingling the buildings; excavating his basement; and literally starting from the bottom, up ... he has created "this".

Mom enjoyed the process while my son documented the work involved every step of the way. She came to visit her last trip home. She got to enjoy the process of the evolution and see how far it had come. And it has come so much further.

Two years. Mom has been gone for two years (less a few days). I think of our last visit here and where things were at, at the time. The building blocks were all in place. Step by step, bit by bit, this place has become so much more than it has been.

My son had a calling to call this place "home". I can feel it in every sense of the word. This is THE most home-away-from-home place I have ever been in my life. I feel grounded. I feel safe. I feel enveloped in all things familiar to me. I sense the piece of Dad within my son that helped build this. I feel Mom's appreciation of all that has become.

This is literally the best vacation. Ever.

Filling Up

I am sitting back and enjoying the view from a different spot on our couch today. 

I am having a "cat day".

I am nourishing my mind with Abby Wambach:

Snapshot of some words worth pondering in the book Wolfpack - by Abby Wamback

I am nourishing my body with a toasted ham/cheese/tomato sandwich.

I have tended to a few loads of laundry, dusted some cat hair off the floor and am anticipating an afternoon spent following whatever may unfold.

I have felt empty and exhausted lately. I can feel my energy reserves replenishing as I fill myself up this most anticipated Sunday with myself.

An Unexpected Moment

Mother Nature offered up another "be still and soak up the moment" opportunity yesterday. This moment was watching one of my favorite animals that is allowed to roam the city streets. A rabbit sighting.

Yesterday's rabbit didn't hop off in a straight line as most of my sightings go. Usually, once I spot a rabbit the most I can hope for is that it either stays where it is resting or doesn't run off. I can't remember a time when a rabbit didn't simply run off in a relatively straight line. Yesterday was different.

Yesterday's rabbit was first spotted enjoying the newly planted flower garden outside my aunt's deck area. So I shall henceforth dub this rabbit "Flower". My aunt knows how much I enjoy rabbit watching so she pointed out Flower's existence. From that point on, we simply sat back and watched.

"Flower" heard something and hopped off. As a rule, the rabbits head off in one direction and simply take the next forward hop. Not yesterday. Flower stopped, sat back on its haunches, turned around and was on full alert. The next thing we knew, Flower headed back in the direction she came from. Stopped. Stood up on her back two feet, ears were perked up and Flower was listening. She was almost out of sight but her fully alert ears were still visible. Then she headed back where we could see her better, tucked back her ears and if we had not been watching her we would have been certain she was a rock.

I begged her to come a little closer so we could watch her. I think she understood me because after a brief rest, she inched a little closer to where we were and stopped again.

There were momentary stops but Flower zigged and zagged a few more times before she headed off in a northern direction and hopped out of sight. The robin that was in the area was completely unfazed by the rabbit's existence, instinctively knowing it was not in danger (how do birds know rabbits are vegetarians?).

My brain was void of all previous thoughts as we sat back and took in the moment. I was lost in the act of rabbit-watching and nothing else mattered. The birds, the rabbits, the spiders and all the little miracles of nature remind me of gazing into the vastness of the ocean hoping to spot a whale while on a cruise many years ago.

Watching a spider build a web. A rabbit sighting that was more than a passing hop. Sitting back and watching the birds ...

We crave vacations, time away, moments in the sun to take us away from the daily grind of living our regularly scheduled life. Yet if you have the chance to be still and soak up the moment you are in, prepare to be amazed. What you are looking for may be in your own back yard (or in my case, my aunt's).

The Best Things in Life

The weekend past felt like it passed by in the blink of an eyelash. The post I most wanted to write was titled "Moments" and that encapsulates my weekend in one word.

We can't plan, predict or choreograph the best moments in our life. They are a little like watching a butterfly. You just sit quietly and let things happen without forethought or expectations.

Moments could be a "sitting in a sunbeam" kind of feeling where everything in that precise moment in time comes together and provides you with peace and clarity.

Moments could be a conversation that unfolded easily, personal truths are revealed and held tight and a sense of trust and ease makes for an easy rapport.

My knees used to shake when these conversations happened. Times when I connected with a fellow human being on a deep and meaningful level. I haven't noticed my knees shaking lately but my heart still recognizes the moment.

The memories of my mind rewind and replay ... the location where these deep and meaningful conversations have been inconsequential. In a parking lot, a quiet day at work, in a Tim Hortons coffee shop or a restaurant, to name just a few.

Stand-out moments can happen any place at all. Almost all the moments that stand out in my life all happened while I was living my day-to-day life and within a close radius of home. I didn't have to go any where, take in any special occasion or go looking for the best moments of my life. They simply unfolded when I was sitting quietly and the moments took care of themselves.

It is really no wonder I have little desire to travel. The best things in my life happen close to home. I have often said everything I need is right here under my very own roof. Although I have to leave the house to earn a living these days, everything I need to get through the next day at work is waiting for me at home.

The best things in life are not only free, they are closer than you may think. Sometimes, just sometimes all we have to do is sit quietly and simply let life unfold as it is meant to be.

Dreaming of a Life of Ease

What would I do if I had all the time in the world? These are the thoughts I ponder as I have recently started to dream of what "retirement" may mean in the up and coming years.

My very first thought is that I would like to tame a wild rabbit or two. Not to trap it in a cage and keep it for myself, but for this little creature to come to know I would do it no harm and supply it with some rabbit snacks and perhaps some hay ...

My second thought is that I would register for some university courses. Tuition fees are waived for those who are the age of 65 years or better. The idea of learning for the sake of learning and not having to seek out and find employment afterwards sounds like my idea of heaven.

I would set out and discover places within our fair city to simply sit back and watch nature unfold before my eyes. I have just spent the past fifteen minutes or so watching four robins in our neighbor's front lawn. To my inexperienced eyes, it looked like there were three males and one female. I would love to learn all I could learn about the wild life that I found along the way.

I would explore our province. Day trips to destinations unknown would be my entertainment. Find a friend, pack a light snack and coffee-to-go and follow wherever the road took us. We would find our own adventure, stop for supper on our way home and come home feeling as though we had just been on vacation.

I would set small goals. Clean out one drawer a day. One box of letters. One box of photos. One cupboard. One small step at a time, great things would happen over a long period of time.

I would read. I would immerse myself in a book so good that I would become lost within the pages. My best reading days felt like I took a vacation without having to leave the house. I have lost my love for reading over the course of time. I want to rekindle that fire.

I would turn off all electronics, televisions and phones for a set time frame every day to listen to the quiet. I would listen for "the knowing" and find my way to the next moment. I would be still. Every day.

I would search for ways to keep connected to the people within my world. I would stockpile stamps, envelopes and blank writing spaces so I could send words out into the world on a regular, yet sporadic basis.

I would take notes along the way so I could write about the small stuff each and every day.

I have reread my wish list and realize I have everything I need to start this life of leisure right now. Today. There is little holding me back.

Except work. Speaking of which, I must ready myself for a day away from home. It is no wonder this life of ease feels so elusive.

Sunday

I love Sundays. I like Saturdays too but Sundays have a special flavor to them as it feels like an official day of rest. I think I read somewhere that ... on the seventh day, They rested. Mom has memories of her own hard working mom resting on Sundays. I love a day that feels officially earmarked for kicking back, relaxing and enjoying whatever the day has to offer.

This particular Sunday is followed by a Saturday which was in my estimation ... perfection.

I enjoyed my leisurely morning and the phone rang just as I should have been picking myself off the kitchen chair and moving forward with the day.

A friend dropped by. After she left, I found a message from my son inviting me to join them for coffee and to walk the paths by the river. This led to an invitation to my other sons to come join us for supper.

I was home early enough to enjoy what was left of the evening. I could not have imagined a more perfect way to spend the day.

It was a day without a plan that worked out better than a perfectly choreographed agenda could have.

I love days that simply unfold without a map. Incoming or outgoing invitations slide perfectly into place, one thing leads to the next and it simply feels like everything is as it should be.

Today has started in a somewhat similar manner. I have had a few "hard things" to do. Washing my sheets and coloring my hair are behind me. All I have to do is hop in the shower, get dressed and let this day unfold without an agenda.

It is another day without a plan. I love Sunday!

Mornings and Me

I love mornings. Morning is the part of my day before the world expects anything of me. I sit in the quiet and do whatever I want to do before the "noise" infiltrates my world.

I squeeze in what I used to love about quiet time, while I had my daycare. I have a raft of word puzzles and Suduko that I used to do while my daycare family napped or watched a movie. I enjoy this routine. I will keep it.

I longingly look back on my daycare days and have such fond memories of quiet time. Presently, I have no way to insert an hour of "quiet" into the midpoint of my work day. I miss quiet time. I miss it a lot.

I have reinstated my daily writing habit since the onset of 2019. Even if I don't have the right words to post aloud, I write whatever comes to my mind in a daily journal. Unfiltered thoughts are allowed to be voiced. As I write aloud without a care in the world about my words being read by anyone but myself, I seem to find my own answers as I let those words go.

I am forever in search of "my answers". Things I already know but have to unearth them from time to time. Writing is my therapy. I have felt much saner since I started setting my words free on a daily basis. I don't always like my voice but I fear that if I censor my thoughts too much, they may all come out in an endless rampage if ever I lose control of my censor button. I believe it is good to release the bad with the good. I'll keep this too.

I love my morning coffee. I don't even think it is the flavor of the coffee that appeals to me. Coffee signifies time I have put aside just for "me". Coffee and visiting. Coffee and friends. Coffee and sitting outside. Coffee with Mom back in the day. It isn't really the coffee. It's what goes along with it. I like to set aside time for two cups of coffee on weekdays. Three cups are reserved for weekends.

I savor the alone time. Time where I don't have to speak. I believe I am exceeding my daily word quota on a regular basis. My alone-time in the morning helps to regenerate the word requirement of the day.

All this said, I cannot believe what I am going to write next. The moment I wake up and see the sun starting to peek in my window is one of the hardest parts of my day. I don't feel ready to face the day ahead of me.

I talk myself out of this notion and remind myself of how much I will enjoy those hours I have set aside. All I have to do is put my feet on the floor and take one step in a forward direction. And I do.

I have nothing left in me at the end of my days. I come home on empty. All I want to do is climb into my pajamas, grab my Pringles and savor those moments of turning myself "off". It is a moment akin to the ceremonial "closing of the living room drapes" the moment my daycare day was over where I tell myself "I am closed for business".

My daycare days were long. But they ended earlier in the day. I am struggling with my new hours. I've been doing this for 2-1/2 years but I have yet to find my sweet spot. Thus, I believe I rely too heavily on my co-dependence on chips to get me through the night.

We cannot recreate the past. The best we can do is keep what has worked for us and let the rest go. I'm trying. But there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. I think this is due to the fact that the sun is getting up before I'm ready for it.

Yes, I shall just blame the sun. Give me six months and I'll be complaining of too little sun. Sometimes? I think I am impossible to please. Honestly ....