I have been on a mission to stain our deck. One section at a time. One step at a time. One day at a time. Weather permitting. Energy is just a bonus.
I have reached a stage in our home maintenance/renovation where I am solely responsible for what is left to do. We have a deck to stain. And an endless fence. I decided the deck was a "must do" item on the list. Anything else is a bonus.
I stepped into last weekend feeling overwhelmed and depleted. The weather forecast was spotty rain showers. This was not conducive to good deck staining conditions. Until I realized staining the railing would probably be fine since the rain would not be sitting on it.
So I began.
I did the tedious part first. I squeezed in a few more sections before I went to work Monday afternoon. Fuelled by the realization that I work best in two hour increments with a set deadline, I tackled two more sections when I got home Monday night. I did the same Tuesday night.
It is now Wednesday and the railing and all vertical surfaces of our deck are stained.
I have never had railing on a deck before. I will never have railing on a deck again. It is a time consuming task that I have never had to invest in before. I have clocked over eight hours of staining and I have not yet stained the actual floor of the decking. The ONLY part of a deck I have had to stain in my history of staining.
The hard part is done.
And do you know what?!? I have done the majority of this work between the hours of 7:30 to 9:30. At night!!
I don't "do" nights. I am a morning person. I come home from work at 7:30 at night and tell myself "You don't do nights. Climb into your pj's and savor the hours of consciousness that are left in your day. It's okay. You've done it. You got through the day. You deserve to take the night off."
I am such an enabler. I tell myself this and believe it. And for the most part? I believe this is true.
But in the meantime? I have made an awesome discovery. There IS life after 7:00 at night!
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
It's Done!!!
As I assembled the before/after pictures of our exterior renovations, I'm not surprised at the unremarkable difference. The difference is very apparent to those who have walked through the renovation process though.
It feels absolutely marvelous to be sheltered by our new shingles. I watched our new gutters and downspouts in action during a heavy rainfall and was thrilled. I often find myself gazing at our new soffit (lots of memories about that after a week with open access for the birds to start moving into the attic). The fascia seems like it was always there and the peeling paint is all but a memory. Then came the paint. And we are done!!
This picture was taken in the midst of soffit removal and after the shingles and foundation parging were done.
After ALL is said and done. Voila!! You have it - our renewed home! One side bonus you don't really appreciate in the after picture is the removal of all the low hanging branches on the fir tree in the front yard. We can now mow the grass without ducking under the branches and feeling like you are covered with creepy crawlies afterwards. P.S. And yes, that is a new front door you see there. I love it!!!
Before
After (the deck is in the process of being stained, so you can see an in-progress before/after there as well)
Before
After - many almost invisible to the naked eye, but oh-so-appreciated differences here. The bottom row of siding was replaced by a durable aluminum type of siding which will withstand the whipper snipper and replaces some of the rotting boards on the playhouse/shed. There is now casing around the windows on said playhouse/shed. The gutters are now seamless and do not leak - yay!! And Mom's wind chimes hang on the eave between the garage and playhouse.
My handy dandy son extraordinaire took care of replacing old outlet covers and replaced the front door light, numbers and mailbox. It is the little things that bring it all together and make it a home.
All we need now is a railing for our front door. Then the bank is closed for business. Home renovations are not for the weak of heart.
The change is subtle but it is very, very real.
It feels SO good to be done.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Forgive Me World, For I Have Sinned
Did you ever have a day when you felt like you were at the root of misdoings, misunderstandings, under-doing, not showing up &/or possibly stepping on someone's toes?
Oh.
Me neither.
Except for yesterday.
I felt responsible for everything wrong in the world yesterday. I'm pretty sure you can even pinpoint me as the cause for Global Warming and the unrest in the world.
I spent this morning atoning for the errors of my ways and I have more to go.
Gotta run. I must ask the world to forgive me for my imperfections. For they are many.
Forgive me world, for I have sinned.
Today will be a better day. Right??
P.S. This feels so big and so huge that I want to blame hormones. Whadya think? Post menopausal guilt? PMG perhaps??
Oh.
Me neither.
Except for yesterday.
I felt responsible for everything wrong in the world yesterday. I'm pretty sure you can even pinpoint me as the cause for Global Warming and the unrest in the world.
I spent this morning atoning for the errors of my ways and I have more to go.
Gotta run. I must ask the world to forgive me for my imperfections. For they are many.
Forgive me world, for I have sinned.
Today will be a better day. Right??
P.S. This feels so big and so huge that I want to blame hormones. Whadya think? Post menopausal guilt? PMG perhaps??
Monday, July 29, 2019
Revitalized
My energy reserves have been replenished and I feel raring to go again. This is a very good way to feel on a Monday morning. Better yet, because I have a whole lot of staining to do.
I took what I needed from the weekend and besides tackling a few tasks I hadn't been looking forward to, I had enough sleep, solitude and sustenance to fill me up to capacity.
I waited out the instructions of when to stain the deck - do NOT stain if rain is expected within 24 hours of application; do NOT stain until after 24 hours after a rain. I found variations of these instructions with suggestions to wait up to 48 hours.
This could prove to be impossible with our daily rain showers so after I tended to barbequing the meat I had thawed for supper (the meat had to be cooked but no one was hungry, so it was simply an exercise in barbequing - no "supper" was actually involved), I thought I would start staining the deck railing. Surely to goodness waiting 12 hours to stain a vertical surface should be sufficient.
I was in the right frame of mind to start the job. The temperature was ideal. Not too hot. Not too cool. I was in the shade. I promised myself I would simply start the job. Anything I accomplished would be a bonus.
Apparently the sun starts setting just after 9 p.m. these days. I worked into the twilight hour of the evening. It was a perfect way to wind up the day.
It was a tedious job but I didn't really care. I chastised myself a little for not starting the railing the night before. I could have finished the job last night. But one cannot turn back the clock. I have started. Starting is the hardest part.
I hope the most tedious part is behind me. The jigs and jags of the railings by the stairs appear to be the fussiest part of the job. I am hoping for some clear sailing today ... if only it was Saturday again.
Now that I have started this task, all I can see is the endless fence which surrounds our yard. It should have been stained years ago. Thankfully I had a vision of this moment and prepared for it. I had a 30% off coupon at the paint store, so I picked up a wood revival/cleaning product and extra stain. I can tackle this job one section of the fence at a time.
Starting is the hardest part of most any job. From that point on, just take one small step at a time. A step in a forward direction is better than no step at all. I need to tattoo the mirror image of this on my forehead so I can remind myself of this small adage daily.
The only one who can make changes around here is the person I see reflected back in my mirror. I must give her some grace and forgiveness for what she has not yet done. But she does need a nudge in a forward direction from time to time.
One small step at a time. Big things can happen by doing small things on a regular basis. One forward step at a time...
I took what I needed from the weekend and besides tackling a few tasks I hadn't been looking forward to, I had enough sleep, solitude and sustenance to fill me up to capacity.
I waited out the instructions of when to stain the deck - do NOT stain if rain is expected within 24 hours of application; do NOT stain until after 24 hours after a rain. I found variations of these instructions with suggestions to wait up to 48 hours.
This could prove to be impossible with our daily rain showers so after I tended to barbequing the meat I had thawed for supper (the meat had to be cooked but no one was hungry, so it was simply an exercise in barbequing - no "supper" was actually involved), I thought I would start staining the deck railing. Surely to goodness waiting 12 hours to stain a vertical surface should be sufficient.
I was in the right frame of mind to start the job. The temperature was ideal. Not too hot. Not too cool. I was in the shade. I promised myself I would simply start the job. Anything I accomplished would be a bonus.
Apparently the sun starts setting just after 9 p.m. these days. I worked into the twilight hour of the evening. It was a perfect way to wind up the day.
It was a tedious job but I didn't really care. I chastised myself a little for not starting the railing the night before. I could have finished the job last night. But one cannot turn back the clock. I have started. Starting is the hardest part.
I hope the most tedious part is behind me. The jigs and jags of the railings by the stairs appear to be the fussiest part of the job. I am hoping for some clear sailing today ... if only it was Saturday again.
Now that I have started this task, all I can see is the endless fence which surrounds our yard. It should have been stained years ago. Thankfully I had a vision of this moment and prepared for it. I had a 30% off coupon at the paint store, so I picked up a wood revival/cleaning product and extra stain. I can tackle this job one section of the fence at a time.
Starting is the hardest part of most any job. From that point on, just take one small step at a time. A step in a forward direction is better than no step at all. I need to tattoo the mirror image of this on my forehead so I can remind myself of this small adage daily.
The only one who can make changes around here is the person I see reflected back in my mirror. I must give her some grace and forgiveness for what she has not yet done. But she does need a nudge in a forward direction from time to time.
One small step at a time. Big things can happen by doing small things on a regular basis. One forward step at a time...
Sunday, July 28, 2019
Rainy Days and Sundays
But rainy days and Sundays?? A recipe for pure joy.
I officially declare this day (so far) a Cat Day!!
May your Sunday be exactly what you hope for.
The Gift of Emptiness
It is only when we feel truly empty, that there is room to become full again.
I woke up this morning feeling completely hollow, empty and spent. Physically, mentally, emotionally and in every sense I could imagine. I looked outside and was grateful a rainy morning gave me the gift of filling myself up.
I felt I had no functional brain cells when I couldn't tackle my morning word and number puzzles. I quit. I walked away from the computer and unconsciously went about my morning looking for something to fill the void.
I took the easy way. I turned on the TV. Home renovation shows were not what I needed to fuel my thoughts. Thankfully, I had taped a variety of Oprah's "Master Class" shows. I found what I was looking for.
I can go looking for inspiration and not be open enough to absorb what I come across. This morning? I wasn't looking for anything but a reason to collapse on the couch and lose myself. Instead, I found myself capable of filling up on the morsels of the wisdom of others.
I felt a little of what I felt when I saw Oprah in person. The ah-ha moments. The words that resonated. A renewed perspective.
I was revived from the inside out. CPR for the soul.
I found myself feeling grateful for the emptiness which made room for new input. Suddenly a scene from Short Circuit flashes through my mind, when Johnny 5 (the robot) is craving input:
Sometimes, we just need to fill ourselves up with what we need. Grab your oxygen mask. Be grateful for the emptiness which allows you to fill up to your maximum capability.
I woke up this morning feeling completely hollow, empty and spent. Physically, mentally, emotionally and in every sense I could imagine. I looked outside and was grateful a rainy morning gave me the gift of filling myself up.
I felt I had no functional brain cells when I couldn't tackle my morning word and number puzzles. I quit. I walked away from the computer and unconsciously went about my morning looking for something to fill the void.
I took the easy way. I turned on the TV. Home renovation shows were not what I needed to fuel my thoughts. Thankfully, I had taped a variety of Oprah's "Master Class" shows. I found what I was looking for.
I can go looking for inspiration and not be open enough to absorb what I come across. This morning? I wasn't looking for anything but a reason to collapse on the couch and lose myself. Instead, I found myself capable of filling up on the morsels of the wisdom of others.
I felt a little of what I felt when I saw Oprah in person. The ah-ha moments. The words that resonated. A renewed perspective.
I was revived from the inside out. CPR for the soul.
I found myself feeling grateful for the emptiness which made room for new input. Suddenly a scene from Short Circuit flashes through my mind, when Johnny 5 (the robot) is craving input:
Sometimes, we just need to fill ourselves up with what we need. Grab your oxygen mask. Be grateful for the emptiness which allows you to fill up to your maximum capability.
Saturday, July 27, 2019
Spent
Visions of staining, washing windows and lawn mowing filled my thoughts during my restless sleep last night. So much to do. So little weekend. I got up at 5:30 in the hopes of squeezing everything into one day.
I gave myself the gift of the morning to do what I wanted to do, breathe easy and take what I needed from the morning. It was lovely. Three hours of morning time is my daily norm. I have been lacking normalcy this past week. Three hours felt lovely.
After the clock struck the end of my three hour hiatus it was only 8:30. The hardware store which stocks the miracle deck painting brush opened at 8:30. I was there.
Deck staining was to be done in the shade. Our deck isn't shaded until late afternoon so I started the day by washing windows. Scraping paint off said windows and window casings took a little added time and made me ponder the idea that professional painters should offer to wash windows after their work is done.
Window washing has been long overdue around here. It feels wonderful to have squeaky clean windows. Ahhh!
Then came the lawn. I have shirked lawn mowing duties around here for two weeks so I felt it was my turn to step up to the lawn mower. And I did.
Pulling weeds, sweeping up paint chips and scraping off plaster/crack-filler off the driveway took the last of the energy I had. Rain is in the forecast within the next 24 hour period so I was relieved to stroke "stain the deck" off today's roster of events.
I don't accomplish what I used to in a day. I feel slow and sluggish. I look at our five year old cat who moves slowly and sluggishly and I see "me". This same cat can't jump 6 ft fences in a single bound any more. He can't even jump onto the 3-1/2 ft deck railing without engaging his front claws and using his back legs to climb up. He uses the top ladder rung when jumping onto the decking of the kid's play centre we have in the back yard.
I was telling my son that our cat reminds me of myself. "Maybe he has arthritis," I added wistfully. My son just chuckled and said, "No, he's gained a lot of weight." Oh. Me too.
I share an affinity with our Junior Cat in residence. We've both slowed down prematurely. We've both packed on extra poundage. We both love leisurely cat days.
Who's to argue with that. I accomplished enough for one day. The evening is mine, to do with as I please. I do believe it pleases me to laze around with the cats. My 5 a.m. mornings are catching up with me.
I gave myself the gift of the morning to do what I wanted to do, breathe easy and take what I needed from the morning. It was lovely. Three hours of morning time is my daily norm. I have been lacking normalcy this past week. Three hours felt lovely.
After the clock struck the end of my three hour hiatus it was only 8:30. The hardware store which stocks the miracle deck painting brush opened at 8:30. I was there.
Deck staining was to be done in the shade. Our deck isn't shaded until late afternoon so I started the day by washing windows. Scraping paint off said windows and window casings took a little added time and made me ponder the idea that professional painters should offer to wash windows after their work is done.
Window washing has been long overdue around here. It feels wonderful to have squeaky clean windows. Ahhh!
Then came the lawn. I have shirked lawn mowing duties around here for two weeks so I felt it was my turn to step up to the lawn mower. And I did.
Pulling weeds, sweeping up paint chips and scraping off plaster/crack-filler off the driveway took the last of the energy I had. Rain is in the forecast within the next 24 hour period so I was relieved to stroke "stain the deck" off today's roster of events.
I don't accomplish what I used to in a day. I feel slow and sluggish. I look at our five year old cat who moves slowly and sluggishly and I see "me". This same cat can't jump 6 ft fences in a single bound any more. He can't even jump onto the 3-1/2 ft deck railing without engaging his front claws and using his back legs to climb up. He uses the top ladder rung when jumping onto the decking of the kid's play centre we have in the back yard.
I was telling my son that our cat reminds me of myself. "Maybe he has arthritis," I added wistfully. My son just chuckled and said, "No, he's gained a lot of weight." Oh. Me too.
I share an affinity with our Junior Cat in residence. We've both slowed down prematurely. We've both packed on extra poundage. We both love leisurely cat days.
Who's to argue with that. I accomplished enough for one day. The evening is mine, to do with as I please. I do believe it pleases me to laze around with the cats. My 5 a.m. mornings are catching up with me.
Underwhelmed
It has been a busy week. Busy at work. Busy at home. My mind and my days have been full. I was SO looking forward to coming home at the end of a very long day to savor the view. Our house and garage exterior painting would be complete and (as luck would have it), my son picked up and installed the finishing touches. I was prepared to be amazed.
I wasn't.
My son did forewarn me that he marked the places that needed touch ups with tape. What I didn't expect is areas that were completely missed; they didn't remove the downspouts on the garage and painted around (and on) our brand new downspouts; a spot I had pointed out to them was completely ignored ... the house and garage were speckled with green tape where my son noticed the shortcomings. And I found more.
Darn.
I got up at 5 a.m. yesterday and put in two hours of work before I walked in the door. I didn't have enough hours in the day to do what needed to be done so I brought work home with me. Work is soooo busy and I feel so terribly behind. All I can say is, I'm very glad I postponed my summer holidays.
My second job wasn't so demanding. In fact yesterday felt like a breeze. I intended to tackle one small chore but was told to sit down. It could wait until another day. I didn't argue.
I picked up stain for the deck on my way to work yesterday. My painters prepped the deck boards but not the railing. Staining the deck is on my weekend agenda. I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed.
After work, I set out on a mission to find a super-duper-deck-staining-brush that came highly recommended. After three unsuccessful attempts, I aborted that mission and came home prepared to be amazed.
I wasn't.
And that is all I have to say about that.
I wasn't.
My son did forewarn me that he marked the places that needed touch ups with tape. What I didn't expect is areas that were completely missed; they didn't remove the downspouts on the garage and painted around (and on) our brand new downspouts; a spot I had pointed out to them was completely ignored ... the house and garage were speckled with green tape where my son noticed the shortcomings. And I found more.
Darn.
I got up at 5 a.m. yesterday and put in two hours of work before I walked in the door. I didn't have enough hours in the day to do what needed to be done so I brought work home with me. Work is soooo busy and I feel so terribly behind. All I can say is, I'm very glad I postponed my summer holidays.
My second job wasn't so demanding. In fact yesterday felt like a breeze. I intended to tackle one small chore but was told to sit down. It could wait until another day. I didn't argue.
I picked up stain for the deck on my way to work yesterday. My painters prepped the deck boards but not the railing. Staining the deck is on my weekend agenda. I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed.
After work, I set out on a mission to find a super-duper-deck-staining-brush that came highly recommended. After three unsuccessful attempts, I aborted that mission and came home prepared to be amazed.
I wasn't.
And that is all I have to say about that.
Friday, July 26, 2019
Detours
As easy as my Wednesday morning unfolded, my Thursday morning was filled with detours. Nothing was simple, every step I took led to a diversion, an extra task and all I did to ensure the morning played out according to plan went awry.
I walked into work a half hour later than I hoped to arrive and my boss had had a morning full of detours which took her down an unplanned path. My deviations were simply annoying and time consuming. Hers were more challenging.
It didn't stop there. My home life crossed the boundary I have in place at work. Minor things but things that needed to be tended. Even as I tried to help my boss out with her troubles, nothing went easily.
Finally, finally, finally the day started to take shape. I was getting things done. I had a little extra time to start working on payroll and then the road blocks started blocking my path again.
One thing led to another. Then another. It shattered my confidence and I took a few steps backward to ensure things hadn't gone awry earlier than I had noticed. Thankfully it hadn't. It was an isolated incident infected with more than one error. I could fix this ...
Then the phone rang. It was an important call but it was so terribly timed. I didn't have time to see this through.
I hung up the phone and I was late for my next job. I called to say I was on my way. In response, I was told to take my time. So I asked for one half hour. A half hour wasn't enough, but it was enough to get a handle on a day that had gone wrong in ten minutes or less.
Thankfully, that is where my story ends. All went according to plan from that point forward. The half hour I was late for my second job was offset by a set of circumstances which had led to an extra half hour a few days prior. It all works out in the end ...
Life is like that sometimes. It doesn't matter how hard you try to plan something, all it takes is one (or two or twelve) thing to step in your direct path to success and it leads you down an unintended fork in the road.
Sometimes, a deviation to the plans you have made take you down a new road you wouldn't have taken otherwise. Other times, it is just plain annoying.
Here's to hoping getting up before the sun works for me today. I can tackle a few work items at home and hopefully get a jump start on the day. Friday. The week sped by faster than there was work to be done...
It looks like the sun is going to try and shine today after some rainy days gave my house painters a few unexpected days off.
Happy Friday!! May your day go as well as you hope for. And if not, there is always tomorrow. Today I shall make the day I hoped yesterday could be.
I walked into work a half hour later than I hoped to arrive and my boss had had a morning full of detours which took her down an unplanned path. My deviations were simply annoying and time consuming. Hers were more challenging.
It didn't stop there. My home life crossed the boundary I have in place at work. Minor things but things that needed to be tended. Even as I tried to help my boss out with her troubles, nothing went easily.
Finally, finally, finally the day started to take shape. I was getting things done. I had a little extra time to start working on payroll and then the road blocks started blocking my path again.
One thing led to another. Then another. It shattered my confidence and I took a few steps backward to ensure things hadn't gone awry earlier than I had noticed. Thankfully it hadn't. It was an isolated incident infected with more than one error. I could fix this ...
Then the phone rang. It was an important call but it was so terribly timed. I didn't have time to see this through.
I hung up the phone and I was late for my next job. I called to say I was on my way. In response, I was told to take my time. So I asked for one half hour. A half hour wasn't enough, but it was enough to get a handle on a day that had gone wrong in ten minutes or less.
Thankfully, that is where my story ends. All went according to plan from that point forward. The half hour I was late for my second job was offset by a set of circumstances which had led to an extra half hour a few days prior. It all works out in the end ...
Life is like that sometimes. It doesn't matter how hard you try to plan something, all it takes is one (or two or twelve) thing to step in your direct path to success and it leads you down an unintended fork in the road.
Sometimes, a deviation to the plans you have made take you down a new road you wouldn't have taken otherwise. Other times, it is just plain annoying.
Here's to hoping getting up before the sun works for me today. I can tackle a few work items at home and hopefully get a jump start on the day. Friday. The week sped by faster than there was work to be done...
It looks like the sun is going to try and shine today after some rainy days gave my house painters a few unexpected days off.
Happy Friday!! May your day go as well as you hope for. And if not, there is always tomorrow. Today I shall make the day I hoped yesterday could be.
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Easy Like Wednesday Morning
Do you ever wake up to a day that just feels "easy"? Easy from the moment you put your feet on the floor kind of easy?
This morning was such a morning for me.
It started when I woke up when I wanted to wake up. I took what time I wanted to take before I took the monumental leap of putting my feet on the floor.
When I went to make my bed, neither of the cats were sleeping on it. I have become a master of making my bed around sleeping cats. Yesterday morning I was rather pleased with myself. I made the bed around our skittish cat and he didn't jump off. I'm a master.
I tended to my morning routines and it was easy sailing all the way. Cat food and water dishes were full enough. Cat litter chores were quick and easy. I took the extra minute I gained by having no side jobs to tend and swept the floor by the litter boxes.
I came upstairs and prepared my morning smoothie and coffee. No need to open or rinse out any empty containers. All my supplies were plentiful and ready to go.
I sat down and tackled my morning puzzles. I struggled with the crossword a little but all in all, my brain functions seem to be intact as well.
My morning routines were behind me and not one little glitch in the system. Not a one. Ahhhh ...
I like Wednesdays. I'm geared up and ready to roll. I love when the little routines in my life go easy like a Wednesday morning. [Lionel Richie sings harmony to my slightly reworded lyrics to "Easy Like Sunday Morning"]
I like the thoughts I'm thinking. I feel reflective and open to hear the "energy" I feel within the day. I sense the whispers of those who no longer walk by my side.
This morning I felt like I heard the other side of a conversation I never got to have. "People just want to be heard..." was what my heart felt and heard. No guilt. No silent admonishments of what I could have, should have and would have done given the opportunity. "Listen ..." was the lesson to be remembered.
I may or may not have "brushed shoulders" with Mom this morning. I just felt her presence within me. It was a comfort.
I reheard conversations I have had recently and think. Think of what goes beyond the words. Think of the courage it took to say what was said.
I think of loneliness. I think of that often. I think of how we are all waging our own private battles within.
I think of those who appear to be on top of their game and wonder how they feel beyond what they allow the world to see.
I look at those who are feeling more vulnerable and wonder what goes beyond what they are saying.
I look at the world around me and feel blessed beyond words. I have everything that matters to me. I have peace of mind, I feel safe within the world around me, I feel comforted to know I am not alone in the world and the security of feeling I will wake up to this familiar feeling tomorrow morning too.
I remember how hard it felt to face the day yesterday. Yet I was given another opportunity this morning. Sometimes life isn't so generous. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
When we wake up to life-as-we-know-it and it is good, it is worthwhile to stop and appreciate the moment. Is it the calm before the storm? Or is simply calmness from within?
This morning was such a morning for me.
It started when I woke up when I wanted to wake up. I took what time I wanted to take before I took the monumental leap of putting my feet on the floor.
When I went to make my bed, neither of the cats were sleeping on it. I have become a master of making my bed around sleeping cats. Yesterday morning I was rather pleased with myself. I made the bed around our skittish cat and he didn't jump off. I'm a master.
I tended to my morning routines and it was easy sailing all the way. Cat food and water dishes were full enough. Cat litter chores were quick and easy. I took the extra minute I gained by having no side jobs to tend and swept the floor by the litter boxes.
I came upstairs and prepared my morning smoothie and coffee. No need to open or rinse out any empty containers. All my supplies were plentiful and ready to go.
I sat down and tackled my morning puzzles. I struggled with the crossword a little but all in all, my brain functions seem to be intact as well.
My morning routines were behind me and not one little glitch in the system. Not a one. Ahhhh ...
I like Wednesdays. I'm geared up and ready to roll. I love when the little routines in my life go easy like a Wednesday morning. [Lionel Richie sings harmony to my slightly reworded lyrics to "Easy Like Sunday Morning"]
I like the thoughts I'm thinking. I feel reflective and open to hear the "energy" I feel within the day. I sense the whispers of those who no longer walk by my side.
This morning I felt like I heard the other side of a conversation I never got to have. "People just want to be heard..." was what my heart felt and heard. No guilt. No silent admonishments of what I could have, should have and would have done given the opportunity. "Listen ..." was the lesson to be remembered.
I may or may not have "brushed shoulders" with Mom this morning. I just felt her presence within me. It was a comfort.
I reheard conversations I have had recently and think. Think of what goes beyond the words. Think of the courage it took to say what was said.
I think of loneliness. I think of that often. I think of how we are all waging our own private battles within.
I think of those who appear to be on top of their game and wonder how they feel beyond what they allow the world to see.
I look at those who are feeling more vulnerable and wonder what goes beyond what they are saying.
I look at the world around me and feel blessed beyond words. I have everything that matters to me. I have peace of mind, I feel safe within the world around me, I feel comforted to know I am not alone in the world and the security of feeling I will wake up to this familiar feeling tomorrow morning too.
I remember how hard it felt to face the day yesterday. Yet I was given another opportunity this morning. Sometimes life isn't so generous. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
When we wake up to life-as-we-know-it and it is good, it is worthwhile to stop and appreciate the moment. Is it the calm before the storm? Or is simply calmness from within?
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
Accountability
With Great Spending, comes Great Accountability.
Oh dear.
That is all I can say.
Painting + upcoming house insurance (I forgot to account for that) + upcoming holidays = "Houston, we have a problem"
There is nothing I have created that cannot be solved. Long story short, I cannot wait until this Time of Great Spending is behind me. I am very much looking forward to living my quiet, modest little life, spent sitting in or outside our home and simply admiring all that has been accomplished.
The exterior painting of our home was long over due. It was the tipping point and the one expense I should not have added to this year's budget. But it had to be done. It was the right thing to do.
I have booked holidays when my financial state of affairs were in far worse condition than my present day situation. Sometimes you simply have to act on what feels right because that particular opportunity will never arise again. I have never regretted any holiday spending I have ever allowed myself. Never. I am certain this will be the case once again.
The house insurance? I can't believe it fell off my radar. I will plan for this expected expense next year. This was my bad.
It all works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it is not yet the end.
It's all good. I will be held accountable for all I have spent. No one has done this to me. I have done this myself.
This Time of Great Spending has been fun. But it must end. And that's all I have to say about that.
Oh dear.
That is all I can say.
Painting + upcoming house insurance (I forgot to account for that) + upcoming holidays = "Houston, we have a problem"
There is nothing I have created that cannot be solved. Long story short, I cannot wait until this Time of Great Spending is behind me. I am very much looking forward to living my quiet, modest little life, spent sitting in or outside our home and simply admiring all that has been accomplished.
The exterior painting of our home was long over due. It was the tipping point and the one expense I should not have added to this year's budget. But it had to be done. It was the right thing to do.
I have booked holidays when my financial state of affairs were in far worse condition than my present day situation. Sometimes you simply have to act on what feels right because that particular opportunity will never arise again. I have never regretted any holiday spending I have ever allowed myself. Never. I am certain this will be the case once again.
The house insurance? I can't believe it fell off my radar. I will plan for this expected expense next year. This was my bad.
It all works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it is not yet the end.
It's all good. I will be held accountable for all I have spent. No one has done this to me. I have done this myself.
This Time of Great Spending has been fun. But it must end. And that's all I have to say about that.
Monday, July 22, 2019
Empowered After One Cup of Coffee!
I was pretty slow on the draw this morning. I didn't get moving as early as I normally do. The first thing I did was throw in a load of laundry, "I shouldn't have waited until today ..." I silently admonished myself. No one made the choice to procrastinate but me. I took ownership of what I had done to myself and carried on with the morning.
I didn't have time to dawdle this morning. I had my morning smoothie, a cup of coffee and I started moving. "The painters could arrive today ... I must be dressed, up and about. I'll have a second leisurely cup of coffee later," I promised myself.
I seem to be moving in slow motion these days. As I watch our five year old cat amble slowly through his days, I see "me". I've slowed down. I amble a lot. At one time, I sprinted from the car to the house; the house to the garbage; from "A" to "B". Because I was always in a hurry? Because I was late? Because I could? Now ... I amble.
I used to be more agile. Doing "squats" when I exercised was no problem. Up. Down. Up. Down. Side to side and all around. I felt capable of whatever my exercise DVD instructed me to do. Now ... getting up from a squatting position after picking a weed? I can do it. But I'm not sixteen anymore. I'm not even 46. I'm not going to say what age I most likely look, but add twenty years to my existing age and you have an idea.
One thing led to the next, the next and the next. Laundry. Weeds - four ice cream buckets of weeds. Then came the vacuuming. The next thing I knew, it was 1:30 in the afternoon. The day is a hot one. I forfeited my second cup of coffee for a few glasses of lemonade instead.
At last, I was rewarded with a thoroughly refreshing shower. Washing (and taming) my hair never felt so good.
After a completely wasted weekend, I put in a good day's work today. And all it took was one cup of coffee.
P.S. It is amazing what our painters have done today! Things are shaping up fast. And it is all starting to come together. I noticed a cup of coffee on the doorstep - I'm not the only one who was empowered by a cup of coffee today.
I didn't have time to dawdle this morning. I had my morning smoothie, a cup of coffee and I started moving. "The painters could arrive today ... I must be dressed, up and about. I'll have a second leisurely cup of coffee later," I promised myself.
I seem to be moving in slow motion these days. As I watch our five year old cat amble slowly through his days, I see "me". I've slowed down. I amble a lot. At one time, I sprinted from the car to the house; the house to the garbage; from "A" to "B". Because I was always in a hurry? Because I was late? Because I could? Now ... I amble.
I used to be more agile. Doing "squats" when I exercised was no problem. Up. Down. Up. Down. Side to side and all around. I felt capable of whatever my exercise DVD instructed me to do. Now ... getting up from a squatting position after picking a weed? I can do it. But I'm not sixteen anymore. I'm not even 46. I'm not going to say what age I most likely look, but add twenty years to my existing age and you have an idea.
One thing led to the next, the next and the next. Laundry. Weeds - four ice cream buckets of weeds. Then came the vacuuming. The next thing I knew, it was 1:30 in the afternoon. The day is a hot one. I forfeited my second cup of coffee for a few glasses of lemonade instead.
At last, I was rewarded with a thoroughly refreshing shower. Washing (and taming) my hair never felt so good.
After a completely wasted weekend, I put in a good day's work today. And all it took was one cup of coffee.
P.S. It is amazing what our painters have done today! Things are shaping up fast. And it is all starting to come together. I noticed a cup of coffee on the doorstep - I'm not the only one who was empowered by a cup of coffee today.
Sunday, July 21, 2019
All I Have Are Ingredients!
I am sitting here in the afterglow of a perfect Sunday morning.
I have done "the hard things" on this morning's agenda. I am ready for a reward of the edible kind.
What I am craving has to be cooked. I hear this little whiny voice inside my head moaning, "All I have is ingredients!!"
Anybody want to go out for brunch? No! Wait!! I would have to wash my hair first. I can do more hard things. I can scramble some eggs and make some toast. That is easier than washing my hair.
But wait! I still have to wash my hair. Sigh ... the list of "hard things" is eternal. Maybe I just crossed the easy things off my list.
Hey wait again!! I haven't even cleaned the cat litter yet. What in the world have I been doing these past three hours?
I have been tying up loose ends from yesterday and I wrote a letter. I haven't done ANY of the hard things yet. No wonder I'm sitting in the afterglow of a perfect Sunday morning.
I have been following my whims and going wherever the morning has taken me. It hasn't taken me far. I think I better scramble up some ingredients and wash my hair. That is the least I could do with this most excellent Sunday morning.
Thankfully, I have all the ingredients I need to create an idyllic kind of day.
I have done "the hard things" on this morning's agenda. I am ready for a reward of the edible kind.
What I am craving has to be cooked. I hear this little whiny voice inside my head moaning, "All I have is ingredients!!"
Anybody want to go out for brunch? No! Wait!! I would have to wash my hair first. I can do more hard things. I can scramble some eggs and make some toast. That is easier than washing my hair.
But wait! I still have to wash my hair. Sigh ... the list of "hard things" is eternal. Maybe I just crossed the easy things off my list.
Hey wait again!! I haven't even cleaned the cat litter yet. What in the world have I been doing these past three hours?
I have been tying up loose ends from yesterday and I wrote a letter. I haven't done ANY of the hard things yet. No wonder I'm sitting in the afterglow of a perfect Sunday morning.
I have been following my whims and going wherever the morning has taken me. It hasn't taken me far. I think I better scramble up some ingredients and wash my hair. That is the least I could do with this most excellent Sunday morning.
Thankfully, I have all the ingredients I need to create an idyllic kind of day.
Saturday, July 20, 2019
All Over the Map
I've travelled so many miles today that I feel like I'm suffering from motion sickness. Honestly. And I have barely even left my computer desk...
I have been planning and scheming and trying to fit all the pieces for my October holiday into place. I foresee one of my most memorable holidays in the making and all I had to do was say "yes"!
Yes!! To attend a writing workshop with one of my best friends.
Yes!! To attending a 90th birthday party celebration with family.
It is all the ins and outs of each of these invitations has turned a simple yes into invitations for others to join .
Would you like to join us at a writing workshop? The answer - a resounding Yes!!
Shall we go to a dinner theatre and an invitation for another to join us? The answers - two more eager Yeses!!
I am hoping my third unasked (and perhaps unremarkable) invitation to a Sunday Brunch also results in an easy Yes!!
Would you like for me to check into some 2 bedroom BnB options? Another Yes!!
I could already picture Cousin Visiting Spots when my cousins said Yes!!, they could foresee the same thing.
Sometimes, a person simply needs to be invited.
Other times, a person needs others to take the lead which makes for an "easy yes" on the receiving end.
The yin and the yang of life. I am feeling the pull and the slack of life's ebbs and flows. All the ebbing and flowing have me feeling a tad sea sick.
It's time to look up and marvel at the way everything unfolds from here ...
I have been planning and scheming and trying to fit all the pieces for my October holiday into place. I foresee one of my most memorable holidays in the making and all I had to do was say "yes"!
Yes!! To attend a writing workshop with one of my best friends.
Yes!! To attending a 90th birthday party celebration with family.
It is all the ins and outs of each of these invitations has turned a simple yes into invitations for others to join .
Would you like to join us at a writing workshop? The answer - a resounding Yes!!
Shall we go to a dinner theatre and an invitation for another to join us? The answers - two more eager Yeses!!
I am hoping my third unasked (and perhaps unremarkable) invitation to a Sunday Brunch also results in an easy Yes!!
Would you like for me to check into some 2 bedroom BnB options? Another Yes!!
I could already picture Cousin Visiting Spots when my cousins said Yes!!, they could foresee the same thing.
Sometimes, a person simply needs to be invited.
Other times, a person needs others to take the lead which makes for an "easy yes" on the receiving end.
The yin and the yang of life. I am feeling the pull and the slack of life's ebbs and flows. All the ebbing and flowing have me feeling a tad sea sick.
It's time to look up and marvel at the way everything unfolds from here ...
Friday, July 19, 2019
Doing the Hard Things (the easy way)
A lot of invitations have been forthcoming recently. Each and every one of them have been "easy yeses". I'm going with the flow and the flow is taking me down a diverse and interesting path.
I'm shaking in my boots just a little bit as I type. I am a girl who loves uncommitted calendar pages and the pages are filling up fast. As I scan four months into my future, I foresee only six free weekends. The positive side to this scenario is that there are only three out-of-city events. I can do this. I CAN.
Some weekends revolve around preparations for painting (which are 95% complete and I do/have done very little, if any of it myself); staining the deck; one-day commitments; live theatre events; a writing workshop; a handful of family-filled-fun occasions, sprinkled generously with friends.
It is a very balanced itinerary. Work interspersed with fun, friendship, family and free time. You can see by the coincidental alliteration of all the "F" parts of the equation, the one part that is not like the others - "work". But work is essential to all that follows.
I have postponed my summer vacation in lieu of a fall one.
My summer vacation plans consisted of sitting still and staring at the house. Something I can work into those completely free days I can foresee in the upcoming months.
My fall vacation plans are new and interesting, mixed in with the known and familiar.
Balance. Life works best when everything falls into a good mixture of everything that sustains us. We need to work as much as we need to play. We (I) do best with enough down time to offset the busy time.
Health, happiness, family, friends, work and leisure. Hopefully this all ends with a balanced budget as well.
I'm waking up and doing hard things (making commitments) before I head into my days. It has been surprisingly easy. One step at a time. The months ahead are bound to be filled with new perspective, thoughts and ideas.
I'm shaking in my boots just a little bit as I type. I am a girl who loves uncommitted calendar pages and the pages are filling up fast. As I scan four months into my future, I foresee only six free weekends. The positive side to this scenario is that there are only three out-of-city events. I can do this. I CAN.
Some weekends revolve around preparations for painting (which are 95% complete and I do/have done very little, if any of it myself); staining the deck; one-day commitments; live theatre events; a writing workshop; a handful of family-filled-fun occasions, sprinkled generously with friends.
It is a very balanced itinerary. Work interspersed with fun, friendship, family and free time. You can see by the coincidental alliteration of all the "F" parts of the equation, the one part that is not like the others - "work". But work is essential to all that follows.
I have postponed my summer vacation in lieu of a fall one.
My summer vacation plans consisted of sitting still and staring at the house. Something I can work into those completely free days I can foresee in the upcoming months.
My fall vacation plans are new and interesting, mixed in with the known and familiar.
Balance. Life works best when everything falls into a good mixture of everything that sustains us. We need to work as much as we need to play. We (I) do best with enough down time to offset the busy time.
Health, happiness, family, friends, work and leisure. Hopefully this all ends with a balanced budget as well.
I'm waking up and doing hard things (making commitments) before I head into my days. It has been surprisingly easy. One step at a time. The months ahead are bound to be filled with new perspective, thoughts and ideas.
Thursday, July 18, 2019
The Need For Sleep
If I want to get up early (and I DO!), I must sacrifice my evenings (no problem!!) and go to bed early. Early to bed, early to rise should work but why is it that I never seem to have enough time in the morning?
This week, I have been up with the birds. Yet not one of my mornings have been long enough to do all I hope to do before I must leave the house.
I fall down into Internet rabbit holes and get lost. This morning's trek was fun and interesting. I can't go forward until a few vital pieces fall into place but if they do ... I have some planning to do!
I love when a suggestion aligns with life-as-I-know-it. When dates, locations, events and timing all correlates into an easy "yes", I am all in.
This little adventure involves revising my holidays. Holidays which I planned to revolve around sitting still and gazing at our newly painted and renovated home. I was very much looking forward to it.
Fast forward a few months and there are several occasions which all align in a perfect row. A fun and inspirational weekend with a friend followed by a family oriented birthday occasion and ending with an appointment which requires a day off equals a perfectly balanced week (eleven days to be exact).
I live in a world where a lot of my wishes (requests) are granted, so this may happen. Did I have my mind set on a week off in the summer? Yes. I booked off some days I thought would work for those who employ me and I was simply looking forward to following wherever those days may lead.
Here is to hoping a few wishes come true today so I can move forward with the next stage of planning.
There went this morning.
A morning where I hoped to squeeze in a few tasks for my day job before I left the house and formally started my day. Maybe I can squeeze in one little task if I stop writing right now.
I now see why people stay up late. You can extend a day so much easier than squeeze in a bunch of things before a work day begins. I work better under pressure. I am a morning person. I love my sleep.
I shall keep my early mornings. I believe my physical and mental health rely on it. Sleeping is my #1 way of taking care of "me".
I am grateful sleep comes easy for me. I know this is not the case for many. What is your #1 way of taking care of yourself? Are you filling yourself up with what YOU need?
On a plane, they remind you to grab your oxygen mask before helping your child. You can't save anyone else if you are not breathing.
Grab your oxygen mask in whatever form it is for you. It is not only for you but it is for those who matter to you. Be kind to yourself today.
This week, I have been up with the birds. Yet not one of my mornings have been long enough to do all I hope to do before I must leave the house.
I fall down into Internet rabbit holes and get lost. This morning's trek was fun and interesting. I can't go forward until a few vital pieces fall into place but if they do ... I have some planning to do!
I love when a suggestion aligns with life-as-I-know-it. When dates, locations, events and timing all correlates into an easy "yes", I am all in.
This little adventure involves revising my holidays. Holidays which I planned to revolve around sitting still and gazing at our newly painted and renovated home. I was very much looking forward to it.
Fast forward a few months and there are several occasions which all align in a perfect row. A fun and inspirational weekend with a friend followed by a family oriented birthday occasion and ending with an appointment which requires a day off equals a perfectly balanced week (eleven days to be exact).
I live in a world where a lot of my wishes (requests) are granted, so this may happen. Did I have my mind set on a week off in the summer? Yes. I booked off some days I thought would work for those who employ me and I was simply looking forward to following wherever those days may lead.
Here is to hoping a few wishes come true today so I can move forward with the next stage of planning.
There went this morning.
A morning where I hoped to squeeze in a few tasks for my day job before I left the house and formally started my day. Maybe I can squeeze in one little task if I stop writing right now.
I now see why people stay up late. You can extend a day so much easier than squeeze in a bunch of things before a work day begins. I work better under pressure. I am a morning person. I love my sleep.
I shall keep my early mornings. I believe my physical and mental health rely on it. Sleeping is my #1 way of taking care of "me".
I am grateful sleep comes easy for me. I know this is not the case for many. What is your #1 way of taking care of yourself? Are you filling yourself up with what YOU need?
On a plane, they remind you to grab your oxygen mask before helping your child. You can't save anyone else if you are not breathing.
Grab your oxygen mask in whatever form it is for you. It is not only for you but it is for those who matter to you. Be kind to yourself today.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
On the Flip Side of Negativity
I just wrote my thoughts after being on the end of a conversation which was weighted down with negativity. Before I go any further, I must counter that post with a positive one.
I recently spent two of the fastest hours of my life with a long lost friend whose life has been far from perfect. Hers is not my story to tell but suffice to say, she has walked a difficult path. I commented on her sunny attitude and wondered aloud how she could come out with such a positive outlook. Her reply? She told me she took the goodness out of every encounter, gathered those up and it kept her focused on the positives.
I have mangled her words but I hope I held onto the gist of her response. She hasn't allowed the negativity to weigh her down. Instead she has actively looked for better ways to live her life so the past is not repeated.
A traumatic childhood affects different children who lived the same experience in such vastly different ways some times. Everyone is affected. They react differently. They never forget. The people I have known have taken that which could have brought them to their knees and used it to empower themselves instead.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, (at least) four of my closest childhood friends were walking through a childhood which was not safe, predictable, warm &/or loving. In adulthood, each one of those friends have immediately commented on the kindness of my parents. The way my parents made them feel was as important and vital as our friendship.
What did my parents know that I didn't? Did they simply treat everyone with kindness and respect? I tend to believe so. The friends who were lacking that parental relationship never forgot that kindness and the sense of safety they felt within our home.
Treating every single soul with kindness is the only answer I know. One never knows the path another is walking. Kindness always wins.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
A Negativity Hangover
Do you ever wake up in the morning and hear someone else's words ringing in your mind, reminding you of all that is wrong in the world?
It has been a while. But I woke up with such a hangover this morning.
I replayed the conversation in my mind. I rethought my thoughts as I was on the receiving end of that conversation. I wonder how often my words leave a bad taste in another person's thoughts?
I did a lot of listening. Others often listen far too long throughout some of my monologues.
Sometimes a person just needs to release some words to relieve the pressure of holding everything in. I know I do.
Sometimes we need to hear our thoughts aloud to find our own answers. The same thoughts can cycle around and around and around in my brain and it isn't until I speak (or write) them aloud that I hear my own answers.
It felt different on the other end of this conversation. The negativity gained momentum and power. It spurred on action on this person's behalf and they were glad they said what they did because it made a difference.
When it was my turn to speak, I told some parallel stories and wistfully spoke of the "stories I tell myself" when others act in a way that affects others.
That person speeding on a quiet Saturday morning? Maybe they were in a rush and heading to the hospital for some emergency.
The truck that pulled out in front of me and made an unsafe left turn as I was headed directly in their path? They must have thought they had an arrow.
No one I know would cause an accident on purpose. A momentary distraction ... a bad decision ... light in someone's eyes which impairs their ability to see ... anything at all can cause a momentary lapse in judgement. I count my lucky stars for all the times any one of the above has happened to me and an accident was averted because someone else had time to react in a manner to save the moment.
No one's memory is infallible. Some of us are more fortunate than others when it comes to that which we can remember. No one would choose to lose their ability to recall what they have just been told. No one. What if it was me? I would hope those around me would simply repeat that which has just been said and not hold it against me.
Then I think of the time I could have very well have been the one with an offensive barking dog ... or not keeping up to the neighborhood's standards of yard maintenance ... or the noise from my daycare ... or the noise which one can hear through a shared wall. And I am sorry.
I tried to keep the dog quiet.
I have done my best, with the time and resources I have, to maintain our house and yard to the neighborhood's standard.
I attempted to keep the daycare noises happy ones (though I am haunted by the screaming and crying I can still hear in the echo of those days).
I think of the neighbor I had when I lived in a townhouse during my marriage. I am sorry for the noise she had to hear. But I am grateful for the time(s) she called the police.
I choose to believe each and every one of us is doing the best we can, under the circumstances we are living in.
I choose to believe that if we treat each other with kindness and compassion, we will achieve the best results.
I know enough to believe that all the positive thoughts in the world will not erase the "noise" of the world around us. We are imperfect beings living in an imperfect world. Egos and lifestyles will clash. It is inevitable.
All we can do, is do our best. The best we can do, is believe everyone else is doing the same. Our "best" changes from moment to moment, day to day, circumstance to circumstance.
Who are we hurting the most by holding onto the anger and resentment? Not the other guy. I don't believe in letting "that guy" hold that much power within my life.
I tell myself my happy little stories whenever I can and try my best to live happily within this little bubble of optimism and hope. Yes, my bubble has been penetrated. No, I can't do this at all times and in all circumstances. But I try. I do my best. I choose to believe everyone else is too.
I simply hope the person on the other side of this conversation woke up with a positivity hangover. I can hope ...
Monday, July 15, 2019
A Perfectly Diverse Weekend
I am on the other end of a very committed weekend. I did it! I not only survived. I thrived. At times.
Friday was fuelled with family and friendship. Light and easy moments prevailed and it was a most excellent day.
Even the best of days are seasoned with reality. A leak under the kitchen sink. A "check engine" light on the car as we neared our destination. Blinking check engine lights = trouble. Solid is okay. My light is solid and unwavering in its determination to keep lighting up with each start. A trip to our neighborhood mechanic may be in the future. I am still hoping the light turns off by itself.
Saturday was hard.
The good news is I was home by 6:00 and in bed before 8:30. The best way to end a tough day (for me) is going to bed before the sun. That moment of consciousness before I slipped off into a deep slumber was the best.
Even tough days have good moments.
Sunday started off hard. I did ONE hard thing which led to a trail of other tasks. Before I knew it, I had supper for six prepared and ready to go before we headed off to a matinee theatre performance.
The play was great. The company was better. The background noise of Sunday was light and easy chatter, sprinkled generously with laughter, with a side order of food and beverage. Perfection!
It was a perfectly diverse, interesting and occupied weekend. Everything unfolded easily as one thing led to the next and the next then the next.
I slept in my own bed. I awoke to the comforts of being home. Routines were not ruffled. Weather was ideal. I went into the weekend feeling well rested and simply "well". I have come out the other end of the weekend feeling just as rested and predictably "well".
When we fall asleep and wake up to life-as-we-know it in a regular, predictable fashion living a committed life is a pretty fine way to spend the days.
Friday was fuelled with family and friendship. Light and easy moments prevailed and it was a most excellent day.
Even the best of days are seasoned with reality. A leak under the kitchen sink. A "check engine" light on the car as we neared our destination. Blinking check engine lights = trouble. Solid is okay. My light is solid and unwavering in its determination to keep lighting up with each start. A trip to our neighborhood mechanic may be in the future. I am still hoping the light turns off by itself.
Saturday was hard.
The good news is I was home by 6:00 and in bed before 8:30. The best way to end a tough day (for me) is going to bed before the sun. That moment of consciousness before I slipped off into a deep slumber was the best.
Even tough days have good moments.
Sunday started off hard. I did ONE hard thing which led to a trail of other tasks. Before I knew it, I had supper for six prepared and ready to go before we headed off to a matinee theatre performance.
The play was great. The company was better. The background noise of Sunday was light and easy chatter, sprinkled generously with laughter, with a side order of food and beverage. Perfection!
It was a perfectly diverse, interesting and occupied weekend. Everything unfolded easily as one thing led to the next and the next then the next.
I slept in my own bed. I awoke to the comforts of being home. Routines were not ruffled. Weather was ideal. I went into the weekend feeling well rested and simply "well". I have come out the other end of the weekend feeling just as rested and predictably "well".
When we fall asleep and wake up to life-as-we-know it in a regular, predictable fashion living a committed life is a pretty fine way to spend the days.
Friday, July 12, 2019
A Most Excellent Day!
After a few anxiety ridden moments this morning, a most excellent day unfolded before me like a perfectly choreographed dance routine.
Everything happened easily. One thing segued easily into the next. I had time to vacuum the house before I left the house this morning and discovered a leaking kitchen faucet in time to call in for help before the weekend officially began.
Visiting was fun, easy, laughter-filled and life affirming.
An unexpected bonus was the addition of one sister and brother-in-law. A last minute invitation worked out like it was meant to be. A sibling + a few uncles and an aunt + a few cousins + an in-law to add some new blood into the dynamic equalled "perfection".
Our departure for home was right on schedule and I arrived right on time to meet up with a friend from my long, forgotten past and two hours (and one very large coffee) passed in no time.
I have no idea how it happens but I have been fortunate to reconnect with people I have known from a few lifetimes ago (she said we haven't seen each other since elementary school) and we pick up from where we last left off (even though neither one of us have a firm idea where exactly that was). This has happened on numerous occasions and I am surprised each and every time.
I live a charmed life. I truly do. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! to whoever may be listening, sensing or be responsible for my good fortune.
One day down, three to go. Every day can't go as perfectly as this one but one is enough to carry me through whatever happens next.
Everything happened easily. One thing segued easily into the next. I had time to vacuum the house before I left the house this morning and discovered a leaking kitchen faucet in time to call in for help before the weekend officially began.
Visiting was fun, easy, laughter-filled and life affirming.
An unexpected bonus was the addition of one sister and brother-in-law. A last minute invitation worked out like it was meant to be. A sibling + a few uncles and an aunt + a few cousins + an in-law to add some new blood into the dynamic equalled "perfection".
Our departure for home was right on schedule and I arrived right on time to meet up with a friend from my long, forgotten past and two hours (and one very large coffee) passed in no time.
I have no idea how it happens but I have been fortunate to reconnect with people I have known from a few lifetimes ago (she said we haven't seen each other since elementary school) and we pick up from where we last left off (even though neither one of us have a firm idea where exactly that was). This has happened on numerous occasions and I am surprised each and every time.
I live a charmed life. I truly do. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! to whoever may be listening, sensing or be responsible for my good fortune.
One day down, three to go. Every day can't go as perfectly as this one but one is enough to carry me through whatever happens next.
Committed
Deep breath in ... hold ... exhale. I can do it. I can commit to and enjoy the weekend which is mapped out ahead of me.
This was supposedly a long weekend but when it became a rather committed one, I offered to work on Saturday to make up for my inability to work today.
The plans include: driving my son to school on two of those mornings "off"; choosing a paint color for our house's exterior; a country drive and short road trip to visit family; meeting up with a long lost friend for coffee; work; another short drive to see a play; supper guests; an appointment.
Working in time for vacuuming, washing my hair, preparing a meal and mowing the lawn will have to happen.
I look at the commitments I have made and panic. I know I will look back and reflect on "all of the above" and will hear the echo of laughter, fun, excellent company and good memories. Some people look forward to these kinds of weekends. I can be that person. I can.
There is not one thing on my commitment list which is not something I have initiated myself with the knowledge that it will be fun and memorable. Perhaps with the exception of "work" but even that feels different - volunteering to do it and knowing I don't have to go anywhere afterwards. I get to come straight home! A day of work which ends before supper is a gift.
Deep breath in ... hold ... exhale slowly. This is going to be fun. It is! I shall enjoy every moment as it unfolds. I shall.
Happy weekend, to all. May your days ahead be exactly what you need them to be.
This was supposedly a long weekend but when it became a rather committed one, I offered to work on Saturday to make up for my inability to work today.
The plans include: driving my son to school on two of those mornings "off"; choosing a paint color for our house's exterior; a country drive and short road trip to visit family; meeting up with a long lost friend for coffee; work; another short drive to see a play; supper guests; an appointment.
Working in time for vacuuming, washing my hair, preparing a meal and mowing the lawn will have to happen.
I look at the commitments I have made and panic. I know I will look back and reflect on "all of the above" and will hear the echo of laughter, fun, excellent company and good memories. Some people look forward to these kinds of weekends. I can be that person. I can.
There is not one thing on my commitment list which is not something I have initiated myself with the knowledge that it will be fun and memorable. Perhaps with the exception of "work" but even that feels different - volunteering to do it and knowing I don't have to go anywhere afterwards. I get to come straight home! A day of work which ends before supper is a gift.
Deep breath in ... hold ... exhale slowly. This is going to be fun. It is! I shall enjoy every moment as it unfolds. I shall.
Happy weekend, to all. May your days ahead be exactly what you need them to be.
Thursday, July 11, 2019
"Oh, to be 82 again!"
Yesterday was the 82nd birthday of one of my Senior Friends. As I announced this birthday to my other Senior Lady at the onset of the day she simply sighed, "Oh, to be 82 again!" There could be a short novel written into that simple statement, but long story short, if she could rewind the years to six years ago she would be thrilled.
Our age doesn't necessarily reflect all that is going on in, around and outside of our own personal experience here on earth. But an aging body does carry the risk of health and physical injury impairments as we go along our merry way living our happy little lives.
Mom once told me certain age parameters where health and mortality issues seemed to peak. If you made it past certain milestones (I wish I had a memory or had written down what she told me), your likelihood of living to the next milestone was higher. It seems to me that "50" and "60" may have been two of those milestones. I think "80" was another.
I came home from my day and climbed back into my predictable, comfortable and cozy little life when I heard from a friend. She is my age and I assume those who touch her world are close to the same age bracket. In one breath, she spoke of people close to her who had pancreatic cancer, numerous mini strokes (with the instruction from her doctors to go home and get her affairs in order) and another who had a stroke affecting one side. A mother-in-law (from a different age category) is fighting throat cancer. Her adult sons are fighting anxiety and anger issues.
Wow.
Suddenly I could hear the voice of my Senior Mentor in my head again, "Oh, to be 82 again..."
We don't know what our future holds.
When it comes to matters of health and aging, it could be safe to assume that we may never feel as good as we do at this very moment. Even if we aren't feeling all that spry right now.
When it comes to matters of contentment and peace of mind, we can always hope the future may improve situations which are lacking and will bring more of what we have, that is good. But things never stay the same. Life is ever changing and evolving. The longer we live, the more likely we are to face loss of those who are a vital part of our life.
Life is truly all about perspective. We reflect what we live as we live it. No matter where you are in the spectrum of living, loving and interacting within the world around you, take a moment to appreciate what you have. Rest easy in the assurance that no matter what you are living right now, you will never relive this exact moment again. Sometimes, but not always, that is a good thing.
If I was to take that statement and reword it to "Oh, to be [my present age] again!", would I look back and be pleased that I was living my life in a way which left a trail of happy memories, personal achievement and satisfaction that I was getting the most out of the life I have been given?
This gives me reason to pause and reflect. Is it time to fine tune my life a little bit so when I look back on these years, I will know I lived the best life I could at the time?
How about you? Where are you at? What do you hope to see when you look back at your life in a rear view mirror?
Just more little things that make me sit back and go "Hmmmm...."
Our age doesn't necessarily reflect all that is going on in, around and outside of our own personal experience here on earth. But an aging body does carry the risk of health and physical injury impairments as we go along our merry way living our happy little lives.
Mom once told me certain age parameters where health and mortality issues seemed to peak. If you made it past certain milestones (I wish I had a memory or had written down what she told me), your likelihood of living to the next milestone was higher. It seems to me that "50" and "60" may have been two of those milestones. I think "80" was another.
I came home from my day and climbed back into my predictable, comfortable and cozy little life when I heard from a friend. She is my age and I assume those who touch her world are close to the same age bracket. In one breath, she spoke of people close to her who had pancreatic cancer, numerous mini strokes (with the instruction from her doctors to go home and get her affairs in order) and another who had a stroke affecting one side. A mother-in-law (from a different age category) is fighting throat cancer. Her adult sons are fighting anxiety and anger issues.
Wow.
Suddenly I could hear the voice of my Senior Mentor in my head again, "Oh, to be 82 again..."
We don't know what our future holds.
When it comes to matters of health and aging, it could be safe to assume that we may never feel as good as we do at this very moment. Even if we aren't feeling all that spry right now.
When it comes to matters of contentment and peace of mind, we can always hope the future may improve situations which are lacking and will bring more of what we have, that is good. But things never stay the same. Life is ever changing and evolving. The longer we live, the more likely we are to face loss of those who are a vital part of our life.
Life is truly all about perspective. We reflect what we live as we live it. No matter where you are in the spectrum of living, loving and interacting within the world around you, take a moment to appreciate what you have. Rest easy in the assurance that no matter what you are living right now, you will never relive this exact moment again. Sometimes, but not always, that is a good thing.
If I was to take that statement and reword it to "Oh, to be [my present age] again!", would I look back and be pleased that I was living my life in a way which left a trail of happy memories, personal achievement and satisfaction that I was getting the most out of the life I have been given?
This gives me reason to pause and reflect. Is it time to fine tune my life a little bit so when I look back on these years, I will know I lived the best life I could at the time?
How about you? Where are you at? What do you hope to see when you look back at your life in a rear view mirror?
Just more little things that make me sit back and go "Hmmmm...."
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Share Your Light With the World
I found a birthday card that suggests imagining a candle for every time you have made a difference in someone's life versus counting the candles which would light up your birthday cake.
Imagine the light from each individual who walks this earth.
I think of the big, small and everything in between when I think of those who have made a difference.
Brief encounters with someone on the street or a clerk in a store.
The tone of voice, willingness to listen and being treated with respect on the telephone, in person, a brief note on a business correspondence. It all matters.
I think of the literal strangers who are making a difference. People in the news, those who are advocating for others, quietly or out loud. Others who are making a difference simply by being kind, courteous and eliciting a smile in the middle of a tough day.
Think of the nurses, doctors, teachers, counsellors and all those who are in a helping profession. I think of the professionals who have turned a day around with their caring nature and treating "the whole person" instead of the reason, symptom or behaviour that has brought a person through their door.
Expand that thought to those you know through your job, common interests and the people one knows at "arm's length". I think of those who continue to show up day after day, giving what they have to give, being the best they can be in some of the most trying times and encouraging others by their presence, compassion and a fresh point of view.
Think of the light shining from each of those souls you don't even know. Then add friends and family who know your heart and soul. Those who listen to your heart during a wordless conversation.
Think of the time someone has touched your shoulder, offered a compassionate hug, looked at you with eyes or simply "showed up" and made you feel less alone.
I start thinking of those who have lit up my world and I feel the light of the sun shining down upon me.
Then I remember the light still shining from those who no longer walk this earth. It makes me think of the stars that shine down upon the world even during the day, when they aren't visible to the naked eye.
Think of the light from all of those candles. Then wonder about the light you have shone.
It makes the world feel a little lighter and brighter, doesn't it?
Appreciate and acknowledge the candles lit by those who have made a difference. Share your light with the world. Even (and especially) to those who aren't acting with kindness. For those are the ones who need your light the most ...
Imagine the light from each individual who walks this earth.
I think of the big, small and everything in between when I think of those who have made a difference.
Brief encounters with someone on the street or a clerk in a store.
The tone of voice, willingness to listen and being treated with respect on the telephone, in person, a brief note on a business correspondence. It all matters.
I think of the literal strangers who are making a difference. People in the news, those who are advocating for others, quietly or out loud. Others who are making a difference simply by being kind, courteous and eliciting a smile in the middle of a tough day.
Think of the nurses, doctors, teachers, counsellors and all those who are in a helping profession. I think of the professionals who have turned a day around with their caring nature and treating "the whole person" instead of the reason, symptom or behaviour that has brought a person through their door.
Expand that thought to those you know through your job, common interests and the people one knows at "arm's length". I think of those who continue to show up day after day, giving what they have to give, being the best they can be in some of the most trying times and encouraging others by their presence, compassion and a fresh point of view.
Think of the light shining from each of those souls you don't even know. Then add friends and family who know your heart and soul. Those who listen to your heart during a wordless conversation.
Think of the time someone has touched your shoulder, offered a compassionate hug, looked at you with eyes or simply "showed up" and made you feel less alone.
I start thinking of those who have lit up my world and I feel the light of the sun shining down upon me.
Then I remember the light still shining from those who no longer walk this earth. It makes me think of the stars that shine down upon the world even during the day, when they aren't visible to the naked eye.
Think of the light from all of those candles. Then wonder about the light you have shone.
It makes the world feel a little lighter and brighter, doesn't it?
Appreciate and acknowledge the candles lit by those who have made a difference. Share your light with the world. Even (and especially) to those who aren't acting with kindness. For those are the ones who need your light the most ...
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Is it a Sign??
I am not a big fan of cooking but I've been doing my best. This past weekend I boiled potatoes and eggs to make a potato salad. Later in the day I baked some potatoes in the oven. Then this happened:
My friendly neighborhood reno guy was already planning to drop by so I sent this picture to him and joked that all my cooking must have been a shock to my kitchen and this bubble on our new counter top developed. Upon investigation he discovered that our stove gets dangerously hot when the oven is turned on, thus the development of the bubble under the laminate.
Meanwhile, in between the discovery of the bubbled counter top and my renovation expert's house call, I decided to barbeque some hamburgers and hot dogs for supper. Two barbequed meals in one weekend was truly going above and beyond. But I was feeling domestic so I braved the cooking process and tried, tried again.
I wasn't terribly busy so I had time to sit outside and watch over the grilling process. As I sat watching the closed barbeque, I noticed the label on the front panel of the barbeque starting to bubble and become very hot to the touch. This can't be good, I thought to myself and was quite relieved to turn off the barbeque and file it away until another day.
I recently replaced the burner on the barbeque and the fit wasn't as tight as the original. My son tightened everything up and there were no flames outside the barbeque so we assumed it was good to go. But I am questioning the safety of this cooking apparatus now as well.
Honestly. I am trying. I am trying hard. But it is clear to me. I can read the signs. I am not destined to cook.
The mere thought of our newly renovated house going up in flames due to my attempt to cook is yet another ironic twist to this tale of mine.
My friendly neighborhood reno guy was already planning to drop by so I sent this picture to him and joked that all my cooking must have been a shock to my kitchen and this bubble on our new counter top developed. Upon investigation he discovered that our stove gets dangerously hot when the oven is turned on, thus the development of the bubble under the laminate.
Meanwhile, in between the discovery of the bubbled counter top and my renovation expert's house call, I decided to barbeque some hamburgers and hot dogs for supper. Two barbequed meals in one weekend was truly going above and beyond. But I was feeling domestic so I braved the cooking process and tried, tried again.
I wasn't terribly busy so I had time to sit outside and watch over the grilling process. As I sat watching the closed barbeque, I noticed the label on the front panel of the barbeque starting to bubble and become very hot to the touch. This can't be good, I thought to myself and was quite relieved to turn off the barbeque and file it away until another day.
I recently replaced the burner on the barbeque and the fit wasn't as tight as the original. My son tightened everything up and there were no flames outside the barbeque so we assumed it was good to go. But I am questioning the safety of this cooking apparatus now as well.
Honestly. I am trying. I am trying hard. But it is clear to me. I can read the signs. I am not destined to cook.
(The first "sign" was this one)
The mere thought of our newly renovated house going up in flames due to my attempt to cook is yet another ironic twist to this tale of mine.
I don't have the time nor creative genius to turn this into a song lyric at the moment but as Alanis Morissette would sing:
"And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think..."
Monday, July 8, 2019
Battle of the Cat Hair
My Sunday started with opening the living room blinds, sitting on the love seat that backs the window and simply nature gazing.
I was hoping I may spot a rabbit. No luck there but a few crows entertained me and the cats by diving off our neighbor's garage and swooping in to enjoy a puddle left by the previous night's rain.
I stood up and carried on with the day. My pajama pants were covered in cat hair. Instantly my mind rewound and remembered I had been sitting on a favored cat resting spot and realized I should not have been surprised.
I tossed my pj's into the laundry, cleaned the cat hair off the cushion(s) with a lint brush and carried on with the morning.
Soon thereafter, I was enjoying my morning ritual of following wherever the Internet may lead. Soon enough, I was listening to someone speaking on YouTube.
The sound of a voice coming from the kitchen attracted a cat. He saw I was sitting here with two free hands so he became quite insistent that those hands needed to be put to use. I petted him for a bit but he was shedding so much that I started ignoring him in the hope he would go back and rest on his favorite spot in the living room.
No luck.
He simply paced back and forth. The computer is sitting on a white table so his trail of black hair was obvious. He walked one way, I swiped up the cat hairs left in his wake. He walked the other way, I swept up more hair. He sat still. He shed. He moved. He shed. Inhale ... exhale ... shed.
It is no wonder I'm losing the battle of the cat hair around here.
Did I go on a vacuum frenzy after my hairy morning? Heavens no. I know when to admit defeat. Score "one" for the cat hair yesterday. Score one for me too though. I know when to walk away ...
I feel a song coming on:
You got to know when to hold 'em,
Know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.
You never count your cat hair
When you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for vacuumin'
When the shedding's done.
~ Slightly adapted lyrics from Kenny Rogers - The Gambler
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Rekindling the Fire
I have been scrolling through this Sunday morning trying very hard not to drop down yet another Internet rabbit hole and lose myself and the day along with it. I have given myself until 10:00 a.m. and then I have made the decision to do "one hard thing" for as long as I can do it.
It is a writing assignment I started about a year ago. It was a promise to rewrite some travel journals, put them in date order and make the timeline easy to follow. The purpose was to reignite old memories, stir up new conversations and create a tangible piece of history to have and to hold.
Our thoughts, our memories and the way we retell our stories change over the course of time. There is something about taking a "snapshot" of those words written as one is living them, without a thought these journals may come to mean in the future.
When I reread my old thoughts, written as I was living them, there is something very poignant and raw about the truths behind the written word. Flashes of memories, feelings and perspective ping around within my mind and I am taken back in time.
Holding onto our memories is a gift. Having that history recorded in a journal, pictures or videos is kindling and has the power to reignite the moment.
I'm going to go "start a fire" this morning. It is my hope by completing this little project, it may be the kindling I need to finish other tasks I have only just begun.
It is a writing assignment I started about a year ago. It was a promise to rewrite some travel journals, put them in date order and make the timeline easy to follow. The purpose was to reignite old memories, stir up new conversations and create a tangible piece of history to have and to hold.
Our thoughts, our memories and the way we retell our stories change over the course of time. There is something about taking a "snapshot" of those words written as one is living them, without a thought these journals may come to mean in the future.
When I reread my old thoughts, written as I was living them, there is something very poignant and raw about the truths behind the written word. Flashes of memories, feelings and perspective ping around within my mind and I am taken back in time.
Holding onto our memories is a gift. Having that history recorded in a journal, pictures or videos is kindling and has the power to reignite the moment.
I'm going to go "start a fire" this morning. It is my hope by completing this little project, it may be the kindling I need to finish other tasks I have only just begun.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Life's Little Wins
You've got to take the wins where you find them in life. Big, little or anywhere in between. If it makes you smile, call it a "win" and hold onto the moment while you have it.
The back story to my little "win" a few nights ago is the fact that after living an entire lifetime with the illusion that I looked younger than my years, the tides started to turn in and around the year I turned 49.
One person assumed my child friendly yard was for my grandchildren (I still don't have grandchildren so apparently that is not necessarily a good indication of one's age but I didn't know that at the time).
Shortly thereafter, I mentioned the fact that I was 49 years old to someone I just met. Instead of the usual comment about my appearance versus my actual age, I was on the receiving end of a very subtle look that said, "And you look every year of it".
There were clerks in the stores that offered me senior discounts. Granted some stores age requirements are younger than others but NONE of them were under the age of 55, while one extremely helpful waitress explicitly told me "You qualify for our senior's menu if you are 65" AFTER she asked me if I would like the senior meal.
There have been comments made when I was with my sisters (who are 9 and 11 years older than me) on how we looked like triplets. "You are all so alike! And the same age too!!" Yep. Payback's a _itch, isn't it? I laughed because I knew I was long overdue for this day of reckoning and I was actually pleased that my sisters got to witness it first hand. Yes, I finally caught up with my sisters (and that fact actually pleases me a lot).
You get the gist. I'm no spring chicken. I look my age. And that's okay. I've come to terms with this. It is true. What else can I say?
Back to the present now.
I presented my customer reward card and told the clerk I was a senior (55 year old at this particular store). The clerk who initially told me about the 20% off day at their store for those who are 55 years or older didn't blink an eye when she suggested this offer to me. I obviously looked every year of my age and perhaps even more. I have taken full advantage of this weekly offer ever since (20% off IS a big deal!!). Not a soul has blinked an eye. It's true. I'm 58 years old. This is no surprise to me.
FINALLY! only two days ago, I recited my line "And I'm a senior ..." to the cashier ringing up my purchase. And he replied with a smile, "Well, I think I'm going to have to check your ID!" I assumed he was joking. Younger people have made the odd comment which I know is a joke when they make comments about my age. Yep. I hear them. I laugh and say thank you. But this time, he was for real. "You really want to see my ID?" I asked with a laugh. He accepted my offer and I walked out the door feeling at least four years younger.
It was a small win. But it still counts.
Take your "wins" wherever you find them. The small stuff matters. The little wins mean a lot. Any time life offers you a smile or small chuckle go with it. That is a win in my books. How many "wins" will you find hidden within your day? May you tally them up and remember the little things that matter the most.
The back story to my little "win" a few nights ago is the fact that after living an entire lifetime with the illusion that I looked younger than my years, the tides started to turn in and around the year I turned 49.
One person assumed my child friendly yard was for my grandchildren (I still don't have grandchildren so apparently that is not necessarily a good indication of one's age but I didn't know that at the time).
Shortly thereafter, I mentioned the fact that I was 49 years old to someone I just met. Instead of the usual comment about my appearance versus my actual age, I was on the receiving end of a very subtle look that said, "And you look every year of it".
There were clerks in the stores that offered me senior discounts. Granted some stores age requirements are younger than others but NONE of them were under the age of 55, while one extremely helpful waitress explicitly told me "You qualify for our senior's menu if you are 65" AFTER she asked me if I would like the senior meal.
There have been comments made when I was with my sisters (who are 9 and 11 years older than me) on how we looked like triplets. "You are all so alike! And the same age too!!" Yep. Payback's a _itch, isn't it? I laughed because I knew I was long overdue for this day of reckoning and I was actually pleased that my sisters got to witness it first hand. Yes, I finally caught up with my sisters (and that fact actually pleases me a lot).
You get the gist. I'm no spring chicken. I look my age. And that's okay. I've come to terms with this. It is true. What else can I say?
Back to the present now.
I presented my customer reward card and told the clerk I was a senior (55 year old at this particular store). The clerk who initially told me about the 20% off day at their store for those who are 55 years or older didn't blink an eye when she suggested this offer to me. I obviously looked every year of my age and perhaps even more. I have taken full advantage of this weekly offer ever since (20% off IS a big deal!!). Not a soul has blinked an eye. It's true. I'm 58 years old. This is no surprise to me.
FINALLY! only two days ago, I recited my line "And I'm a senior ..." to the cashier ringing up my purchase. And he replied with a smile, "Well, I think I'm going to have to check your ID!" I assumed he was joking. Younger people have made the odd comment which I know is a joke when they make comments about my age. Yep. I hear them. I laugh and say thank you. But this time, he was for real. "You really want to see my ID?" I asked with a laugh. He accepted my offer and I walked out the door feeling at least four years younger.
It was a small win. But it still counts.
Take your "wins" wherever you find them. The small stuff matters. The little wins mean a lot. Any time life offers you a smile or small chuckle go with it. That is a win in my books. How many "wins" will you find hidden within your day? May you tally them up and remember the little things that matter the most.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
She's In My Head
Have you ever been watching TV, listening to a song or hearing someone speak when suddenly it feels like someone pulled the unspoken words out of your head and said them aloud?
I have.
Grey's Anatomy seems to speak to a different part of my thoughts each time I watch a rerun of an episode I have watched numerous times before. Last night I was watching an episode where one surgeon was mentoring another and attempting to teach her all she knew before she died of a terminal brain tumor. These doctors spent night and day together at the hospital and the mentor-ship became personal.
When the terminally ill doctor started showing signs that the tumor was progressing, her life hung in the balance throughout the episode. Emotions at the surface, Arizona (the doctor being mentored) started to feel the reality unfolding and these words tumbled out of her:
Mom. I thought of Mom ...
My thoughts became so intertwined with Mom's throughout the years. The feeling escalated throughout her final year and by the end I felt she was as much a part of me, as I was myself. I was lost for a while as I adjusted to losing that part of my former self.
When she died, the feeling of closeness was so palpable. I felt her. I heard her. I predicted what she would have said and how she would have felt. I continued to advocate for her as though she was standing beside me and could hear every word I said.
It has been a gradual process but I have started to feel my own presence dominate once again. I continue to uphold Mom's memory and take a stand when someone misquotes or misunderstands her. But she isn't in my head any more.
Life has moved on without her.
Oprah speaks of the feeling that we are spiritual beings living in a human body. I don't know how much I understand or believe that statement but I do know Mom's energy was so very real right after she died. I felt her presence so keenly. I remember the feeling but I don't feel it so much now.
Someone was speaking of a topic where, in the past, Mom said in no uncertain terms the truth as she knew it. I heard Mom's words, I felt her conviction and I have fought to uphold her truth. The last time I found myself in this conversation I've had many times before, a little of Mom's fire within me had died. I still heard her. I continued to back her up. But the fire was missing.
It was a relief. Yet I missed it.
It has not been quite two years and I still feel like I'm regaining my footing at times. I have hit a new plateau. It feels like the circle of life has cycled around and I'm back to a place I have been before.
... ... ...
I wrote these words and stepped away to make myself some toast.
As soon as I saw my hands carefully spreading the butter to the edges of the toast, I saw Mom's hands buttering toast as she stood at the island in her kitchen. The moment I realized I took too much margarine as I went back for the final swipe, I heard Mom say, "I always try to take the exact amount I need so I don't get toast crumbs in the margarine." I placed the butter knife atop a Kleenex I had used for some minor wipes and swipes this morning and knew I would use this relatively clean tissue to swipe off the knife before I placed it in the dishwasher. I heard Mom again, "I just rip part of a paper towel off to clean off the knife ..."
Yes, I hear you Mom. I always have and I can only assume I always will. Thank you.
I have.
Grey's Anatomy seems to speak to a different part of my thoughts each time I watch a rerun of an episode I have watched numerous times before. Last night I was watching an episode where one surgeon was mentoring another and attempting to teach her all she knew before she died of a terminal brain tumor. These doctors spent night and day together at the hospital and the mentor-ship became personal.
When the terminally ill doctor started showing signs that the tumor was progressing, her life hung in the balance throughout the episode. Emotions at the surface, Arizona (the doctor being mentored) started to feel the reality unfolding and these words tumbled out of her:
“She’s in my head ... but I’m not ready for my head to be the only place she exists.”
Mom. I thought of Mom ...
My thoughts became so intertwined with Mom's throughout the years. The feeling escalated throughout her final year and by the end I felt she was as much a part of me, as I was myself. I was lost for a while as I adjusted to losing that part of my former self.
When she died, the feeling of closeness was so palpable. I felt her. I heard her. I predicted what she would have said and how she would have felt. I continued to advocate for her as though she was standing beside me and could hear every word I said.
It has been a gradual process but I have started to feel my own presence dominate once again. I continue to uphold Mom's memory and take a stand when someone misquotes or misunderstands her. But she isn't in my head any more.
Life has moved on without her.
Oprah speaks of the feeling that we are spiritual beings living in a human body. I don't know how much I understand or believe that statement but I do know Mom's energy was so very real right after she died. I felt her presence so keenly. I remember the feeling but I don't feel it so much now.
Someone was speaking of a topic where, in the past, Mom said in no uncertain terms the truth as she knew it. I heard Mom's words, I felt her conviction and I have fought to uphold her truth. The last time I found myself in this conversation I've had many times before, a little of Mom's fire within me had died. I still heard her. I continued to back her up. But the fire was missing.
It was a relief. Yet I missed it.
It has not been quite two years and I still feel like I'm regaining my footing at times. I have hit a new plateau. It feels like the circle of life has cycled around and I'm back to a place I have been before.
... ... ...
I wrote these words and stepped away to make myself some toast.
As soon as I saw my hands carefully spreading the butter to the edges of the toast, I saw Mom's hands buttering toast as she stood at the island in her kitchen. The moment I realized I took too much margarine as I went back for the final swipe, I heard Mom say, "I always try to take the exact amount I need so I don't get toast crumbs in the margarine." I placed the butter knife atop a Kleenex I had used for some minor wipes and swipes this morning and knew I would use this relatively clean tissue to swipe off the knife before I placed it in the dishwasher. I heard Mom again, "I just rip part of a paper towel off to clean off the knife ..."
Yes, I hear you Mom. I always have and I can only assume I always will. Thank you.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
The World is Whispering to Me (aka: I Hate Change!)
I feel like the world is trying to reroute my comfortable little morning routine.
I used to love reading the almost-daily posts from my favorite bloggers. I would fill myself up with humor, perspective and little nuggets of inspiration before I sat still and wrote my own thoughts of the day. I would have a cup of coffee or two while I wrote then tend to all that needed tending before my daycare days began. Then during our afternoon quiet time, I would sit down with various word and number puzzles to satisfy my need to challenge my mind as my daycare family slept.
Life has evolved and morphed into my revised routines since then.
My favorite bloggers have either turned to other social media outlets or write only sporadically or not at all. I've tried to find new favorite authors and have had mild success. My interests have evolved, the world isn't the same and I haven't found a comfortable niche of regular bloggers to follow. I closed my daycare, work outside of my home and no longer have "quiet time" in the middle of my day. So I have skipped straight to my word and number puzzles to kick start my days.
My puzzle providers have changed a few times over the course of time. I would seek out and find my favorite puzzles in new places. I added to my selection of puzzles and my time commitment to puzzling has increased.
A few weeks ago, I thought it was happening again. Most of my puzzles were unavailable when I went to the site. I thought, "Here we go again. They are closing down shop and I will have to find new puzzles elsewhere." But there was a ray of hope. Instead of a dead end, it simply looked like the puzzle was slow in loading. I came back and tried, tried and tried again. Eventually, through the course of the next few hours, I could load each of my favorite puzzles and still have the satisfaction of completing that little morning task before carrying on with the day.
Enter one more glitch. My son just started some morning classes three days a week which means I have to leave the house an hour earlier than usual. Instead of bemoaning the fact that I will either lose an hour of my quiet morning time OR I will have to get up an hour earlier, I became consumed with the fact that I won't have time to wait for my morning puzzles to become available before I start the day.
I took a long, deep breath and told myself there was a work-around. I would get up an hour earlier. I would write first. I would load this morning's puzzles and leave them open so I can work on them tomorrow morning. I would find a way to overcome this obstacle.
Never mind the fact that I could and should be taking this bonus hour and going for a brisk morning walk. Or perhaps try to restart the "exercise" habit. Maybe even vacuum? No, no, no. I continue to try to load each of my puzzles as I write this post and feel a small bit exasperated that I must put this habit of challenging my mind on hold.
Do you ever feel like the world is trying to tell you something? Then when you don't listen, that "whisper" becomes an inconvenience. Then the inconvenience becomes a shouting match?
Yes, World. I hear you. But I'm not listening to your call. I just want my little piece of normalcy. Inspirational reading material and puzzles to challenge my mind. Is that really too much to ask?
Apparently.
I used to love reading the almost-daily posts from my favorite bloggers. I would fill myself up with humor, perspective and little nuggets of inspiration before I sat still and wrote my own thoughts of the day. I would have a cup of coffee or two while I wrote then tend to all that needed tending before my daycare days began. Then during our afternoon quiet time, I would sit down with various word and number puzzles to satisfy my need to challenge my mind as my daycare family slept.
Life has evolved and morphed into my revised routines since then.
My favorite bloggers have either turned to other social media outlets or write only sporadically or not at all. I've tried to find new favorite authors and have had mild success. My interests have evolved, the world isn't the same and I haven't found a comfortable niche of regular bloggers to follow. I closed my daycare, work outside of my home and no longer have "quiet time" in the middle of my day. So I have skipped straight to my word and number puzzles to kick start my days.
My puzzle providers have changed a few times over the course of time. I would seek out and find my favorite puzzles in new places. I added to my selection of puzzles and my time commitment to puzzling has increased.
A few weeks ago, I thought it was happening again. Most of my puzzles were unavailable when I went to the site. I thought, "Here we go again. They are closing down shop and I will have to find new puzzles elsewhere." But there was a ray of hope. Instead of a dead end, it simply looked like the puzzle was slow in loading. I came back and tried, tried and tried again. Eventually, through the course of the next few hours, I could load each of my favorite puzzles and still have the satisfaction of completing that little morning task before carrying on with the day.
Enter one more glitch. My son just started some morning classes three days a week which means I have to leave the house an hour earlier than usual. Instead of bemoaning the fact that I will either lose an hour of my quiet morning time OR I will have to get up an hour earlier, I became consumed with the fact that I won't have time to wait for my morning puzzles to become available before I start the day.
I took a long, deep breath and told myself there was a work-around. I would get up an hour earlier. I would write first. I would load this morning's puzzles and leave them open so I can work on them tomorrow morning. I would find a way to overcome this obstacle.
Never mind the fact that I could and should be taking this bonus hour and going for a brisk morning walk. Or perhaps try to restart the "exercise" habit. Maybe even vacuum? No, no, no. I continue to try to load each of my puzzles as I write this post and feel a small bit exasperated that I must put this habit of challenging my mind on hold.
Do you ever feel like the world is trying to tell you something? Then when you don't listen, that "whisper" becomes an inconvenience. Then the inconvenience becomes a shouting match?
Yes, World. I hear you. But I'm not listening to your call. I just want my little piece of normalcy. Inspirational reading material and puzzles to challenge my mind. Is that really too much to ask?
Apparently.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
The Whispers
I sat down with Oprah's book "The Path Made Clear" yesterday. Quite possibly all I needed to do was to reread the names of the chapters to put me on the right path but instead I decided to listen to the free audio book I received (compliments of Oprah, included in the ticket price of seeing her Live!) while I read along in her book.
I was sitting on the couch with the lure of daytime television and Netflix vying for my attention. My cell phone was close by and I couldn't seem to stop myself from checking Facebook updates and listening (hoping) for incoming messages from outside our home.
I read through the chapters "The Seeds" and "The Roots" with ease. Then I reached the chapter named "The Whispers".
I have been quiet and still enough to hear the whispers of my mind before but in this highly connected and rather committed life I lead, I can feel the whispers gaining momentum. I'm sensing their call in the way wake up in the morning and how I feel as I go through the motions of living my life.
It is summer holiday time. "I need to seek out some quiet" I thought to myself. I only have a week. I had other hopes and plans for that week. I have been overspending on my renovation budget and booking myself into a quiet retreat felt possible but not plausible.
Then I heard within the quiet whispers of my mind an invitation my son issued to me. Would I spend some time out at their farm while they went on a holiday?
Yes! Yes!! YES!!
I can and I will and I WANT to do this! I can't wait. I hope the whispers of my thoughts are patient as we bide our time and await this holiday where I will be alone with my thoughts, two dogs, two rabbits and an ever growing cat population.
Monday, July 1, 2019
No Where to Go, No Where to Be
Today is the third day of the long weekend.
Day #1 was a very social day. It was perfect in every way but by the time I arrived home at 11:30 p.m., I was over-the-moon happy to know the next day was free and clear of all duties and obligations.
Day #2 started out as a cat day. I followed wherever the day led and by the end of it all, I had done three loads of laundry, mowed the lawn, colored my hair, read a short book and barbequed our supper. I did all of this by the time I left for my out-of-the-house commitment I had the prior day.
Today is Day #3. Nothing but vacuuming is on today's agenda. It is a day that can unfold in whatever way happens.
I had truly hoped to accomplish something of note during these three days off but the truth of the matter is that a three day weekend is pretty close to my norm. The only difference is that I get to stay home all day today. I have no where I must go this afternoon. No one is expecting me.
Maybe I'll go for a walk ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)