Looking on the Bright Side

Luck is all in the way you spin a tale. Speaking of tales, I have one to spin with you this morning. I can only see the good in the way this sequence of events played out. What do you see?

I was on the last lap of my drive home from work a few nights ago when a whiff of antifreeze scent, quickly followed by steam coming out from under my hood happened moments before the light turned green.

I couldn't abandon the car in an intersection so I drove onward.

Dad's words came to me immediately. "If your car ever overheats, turn the heat and the fan up to high [he probably said to pull over immediately but I ignored that part] and when you stop, do NOT open the radiator cap until it has cooled down."

I did exactly what Dad told me (minus the part about pulling over immediately). I was a few blocks away from our neighborhood garage, no lights came on (I am now wondering why not?!) so I pulled into a parking spot there and called them in the morning.

The diagnosis has been made. The water pump went (he assured me this is something you can rarely see coming), the car overheated so now the radiator cap is not holding pressure, antifreeze went all over the place so a new belt is required and the check engine light indicated an "oxygen sensor code" error. For a mere $844.75, I will be back on the road later today. "Well, that's cheaper than a new car!" was my response. "Maybe I should splurge on a new windshield after all? [I have a stone chip that needs to be tended and the entire windshield is pitted]"

This unexpected expense is coming at the tail end of my renovation spending which sadly went several thousands of dollars over my ability to pay. As I stretched my budget to the max I was concerned about the fact that I had no leeway left in my savings and budgeting to allow for anything unexpected. "What if something happens to my car?" I lamented.

The unexpected happened. But it could have been so very much worse.

• I broke down at the END of my day
• It gave me a "remembering Dad" moment (always a gift)
• I was able to make it to the garage - no tow truck cost was necessary
• The car is repairable. Though the breakdown was rather large on the scale of things, I didn't have to weigh the option of "replace" over "repair"
• I was close to home! Just a few days prior, we were driving down country roads which would have resulted in a completely different scenario
• I can afford this! Even though I don't have any expendable cash at the moment, I can make this work (I will just have to borrow a little more from my son's University Savings in order to do so)
• I was able to keep driving and was not stranded in any way, shape or form
• I was able to borrow my son's car while mine was down for repairs. Thankfully it was available as long as I needed with little expense besides topping up the gas tank and power steering fluid
• I handled this myself. I seem to have my middle son on speed dial when it comes to dealing with minor emergencies but I DIDN'T call him. This shouldn't feel as big as it does but I feel empowered knowing I didn't need anyone's assistance except my friendly neighborhood mechanic

See how an unfortunate set of events became all about feeling incredibly lucky that things turned out exactly the way they did? It's all in the way you spin your story. You can feel fortunate things didn't turn out worse or you can focus on all that went wrong. I choose to feel fortunate. I truly believe this to be true.

Now ... I just have to spin a tale to figure out a way to see my newly stained deck in a manner that doesn't look so "green". Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was sold the wrong product and SHOULD have had the stain for pressure treated wood to alleviate the green tones. Now all I see is GREEN. I can hear Kermit the Frog singing "It isn't easy being green..."

"But if green is all there is to be

It could make you wonder why, but why wonder, why wonder

I'm green and it'll do fine

And it's beautiful and I think it's what I want to be."

Songwriters: RAPOSO JOSEPH G

A Negativity Hangover

Do you ever wake up in the morning and hear someone else's words ringing in your mind, reminding you of all that is wrong in the world?

It has been a while. But I woke up with such a hangover this morning.

I replayed the conversation in my mind. I rethought my thoughts as I was on the receiving end of that conversation. I wonder how often my words leave a bad taste in another person's thoughts?

I did a lot of listening. Others often listen far too long throughout some of my monologues. 

Sometimes a person just needs to release some words to relieve the pressure of holding everything in. I know I do.

Sometimes we need to hear our thoughts aloud to find our own answers. The same thoughts can cycle around and around and around in my brain and it isn't until I speak (or write) them aloud that I hear my own answers.

It felt different on the other end of this conversation. The negativity gained momentum and power. It spurred on action on this person's behalf and they were glad they said what they did because it made a difference.

When it was my turn to speak, I told some parallel stories and wistfully spoke of the "stories I tell myself" when others act in a way that affects others. 

That person speeding on a quiet Saturday morning? Maybe they were in a rush and heading to the hospital for some emergency.

The truck that pulled out in front of me and made an unsafe left turn as I was headed directly in their path? They must have thought they had an arrow.

No one I know would cause an accident on purpose. A momentary distraction ... a bad decision ... light in someone's eyes which impairs their ability to see ... anything at all can cause a momentary lapse in judgement. I count my lucky stars for all the times any one of the above has happened to me and an accident was averted because someone else had time to react in a manner to save the moment.

No one's memory is infallible. Some of us are more fortunate than others when it comes to that which we can remember. No one would choose to lose their ability to recall what they have just been told. No one. What if it was me? I would hope those around me would simply repeat that which has just been said and not hold it against me.

Then I think of the time I could have very well have been the one with an offensive barking dog ... or not keeping up to the neighborhood's standards of yard maintenance ... or the noise from my daycare ... or the noise which one can hear through a shared wall. And I am sorry.

I tried to keep the dog quiet.

I have done my best, with the time and resources I have, to maintain our house and yard to the neighborhood's standard.

I attempted to keep the daycare noises happy ones (though I am haunted by the screaming and crying I can still hear in the echo of those days).

I think of the neighbor I had when I lived in a townhouse during my marriage. I am sorry for the noise she had to hear. But I am grateful for the time(s) she called the police.

I choose to believe each and every one of us is doing the best we can, under the circumstances we are living in. 

I choose to believe that if we treat each other with kindness and compassion, we will achieve the best results. 

I know enough to believe that all the positive thoughts in the world will not erase the "noise" of the world around us. We are imperfect beings living in an imperfect world. Egos and lifestyles will clash. It is inevitable.

All we can do, is do our best. The best we can do, is believe everyone else is doing the same. Our "best" changes from moment to moment, day to day, circumstance to circumstance.

Who are we hurting the most by holding onto the anger and resentment? Not the other guy. I don't believe in letting "that guy" hold that much power within my life. 

I tell myself my happy little stories whenever I can and try my best to live happily within this little bubble of optimism and hope. Yes, my bubble has been penetrated. No, I can't do this at all times and in all circumstances. But I try. I do my best. I choose to believe everyone else is too. 

I simply hope the person on the other side of this conversation woke up with a positivity hangover. I can hope ...

Let There Be Light!

As I saw the last of daylight slip away yesterday, I had to take a picture. This is what it looked like at 5:55 p.m. on January 15th:

I googled this when I got home. Yesterday was 8:16:31 hours long. We have gained 32 minutes since our shortest day. It may still be cold and snow and wintery outside. But the sun is staying out a little bit longer each day. We are gaining ground. 

I've changed my mind about January. I used to feel it was the longest, coldest, dreariest month of the year. I wish to amend that to December. 

We are still losing daylight hours in December. It contains the shortest day and all the shortest days around it. There is all that Christmas season "stuff" to contend with. 

It's always darkest before the dawn. I am starting to feel the effects of sunshine. Let there be light!

The Sun Came Out to Play!!

The sun came out and the sky was blue yesterday. Oh! What a difference a blue sky makes!!

It has been cloudy and dreary and rainy and snow for far too long!! My coping skills were pretty much down to nil. I think I was running in a deficit. I have had enough snow and winter to do me until December. Thank you very much!

I opened up every window and screen door available to me. Welcome back, Sun!! We have missed you so much. More than words can say.

And do you know what the sun said to me? "Clean your doors. Clean your windows. Wipe down the dishwasher. Do you see all the water marks down the oven door?" Man, you sure are bossy for a guy who drops by so seldom!

But do you know what? I was glad to do it. Because all that the clouds tell me is "Don't bother. It is going to rain anyway. There is no sense to do it now. It just doesn't matter!" What a pessimist!

The sun said, "It is a new day. Anything is possible!" The clouds send a subliminal message that tell me "Sit. Hibernate. Nothing is going to change."

The sun is bright, happy and optimistic. I see the blue sky and sunshine and feel elated. The clouds are sad, gloomy and pessimistic. Too many cloudy days in a row and I feel a depressed state seep into my being.

The sun energizes me. The clouds drain me.

The sun beckons to me and calls me outside to absorb its warm and Vitamin D. The clouds make me want to retreat into a warm, dry oasis indoors.

 The sun spurs me into action. I spend and utilize my reserves. The clouds give me an excuse to sit back and recharge.

I like the sun's positive attitude. I can only take so much of the cloud's negativity. Lately? Enough has been enough. Clouds, you have more than overstayed your welcome!!

We walked outside and simply enjoyed the blue sky and finding the signs and signals that spring is on its way. 

The geese flying north in their "V" formation ...

We spotted our first robin... 

I felt happiness seep into my soul. From the inside out. The sun broke through the cloak of sadness and despair that has been an unwelcome guest for far too long.

Please come back again soon.

Optimism

"... Your optimism may be unwarranted but so is the other guy's pessimism. Anyway, the odds get better because you believe you can win."
- my horoscope (in part) for the week

These words are taken slightly out of context (they are referring to playing a game where the odds are not in my favor), but I like the flavor of what this says about optimism verses pessimism.

I truly believe in 'increasing the odds' because I believe!

The Pessimist Verses the Optimist

I have recently heard that there is something in a person's genetic make-up that predetermines their inclination towards being an optimist or a pessimist.

I am not a firm believer of using genetics as a scape goat. Even if one is genetically inclined to behave in one way, I think that personal choice is the other part of that equation (it's all about math to me).

Anyway ... (small side bar to explain my belief that addictive behaviors linked to genetic predisposition is not an excuse but a reason to make conscious choices to be the opposite).

Back to my topic ...

As I am collecting memories from my dad's family, I am blessed to have the opportunity to build a memory of my grandpa (who I have little or no memory of). I have been collecting photos and I have a vivid picture in my mind of his physical appearance. As I collect memories, I am gaining a mental image of who he was inside.

In a word, he would be best described as an optimist. During the depression years, his often recalled quote is "Next year can't be worse." Little did he know at the time, that the next year would be as bad or worse. But instead of looking back, he looked ahead. He was a planner and a risk taker. He looked at the bright side.

I've been told that this quality was one on his maternal side. Thus, attributing these traits to his family surname could be wrong. This trait could be traced back to his mother's maiden surname.

Again! I digress. But I do have a point here. There appears to be a genetic link to this optimistic view of life. I truly believe (and try to enhance) that I have been blessed with this optimistic attitude. To think that it is connected to my unremembered grandpa and his mom's side of the family and to hope that it is a gift that I can pass along to my own children is the best legacy I can think of.

Again ... I fall off of my topic ...

As I explore my family history and some 'opposites attract' scenarios in my dad's family, I posed the question to my uncles, if they thought that may have been the case with my grandma and grandma.

Grandma was somewhat introverted and a worrier. Grandpa was more outgoing and a risk taker. In recollections where I've heard Grandpa and Grandma's (remembered) thoughts on the same topic, Grandma's thoughts seemed to reflect the negative side of the 'what if' scenario. Grandpa's also looked at the 'what if' and saw the positive.

Not to put labels on them, but each had an individual and differing dominant pessimistic or optimistic nature. According to my research, this does add credence to my opposites attract theory in their case.

In Michael J. Fox's documentary focusing on researching the optimistic nature of his personality/his book (Always Looking Up), there was research documented on the optimist verses the pessimist personality.

It was learned that each personality has their unique way of looking at life and using their dominant optimistic/pessimistic way of thinking, to provide a different way of problem resolution. To force a pessimist to 'look on the bright side' is as frustrating to them, as it is for the optimist to be inundated with negativity. They will each come to a solution, but in their individual way.

I believe that it is beneficial to look at both vantage points to gain a full spectrum of thinking. I'm not so close minded as to believe that only looking at the bright side is the right way. I don't mind being challenged in my thinking and given a new perspective. I like to believe that this dynamic worked for my grandparents and it does explain the attraction of a past relationship of my own. But ...

I don't believe a relationship should result in the subtle erosion of a person's natural born ability to perceive life's experience in the way that is natural to them.

When a person can look at the differences that attracted them to a person in the first place, and accept and embrace them it is good. The problem of real-life, is that those very opposite things that attract people are the very things that act as repellents as familiarity and comfort levels allow each party to voice their opinion of the other's way of thinking.

To take away an optimist's feeling of hope and brightness of the future is like snuffing out a dream and the essence of who they are. To tell a pessimist not to worry and hope for the best? Well .... I'm an optimist, so I don't see the harm in that. But it does undermine the person that they are. And nothing good can come of not accepting your partner 'warts and all'.