You Know it's Going to Be a Tough Weekend When ...

This was the hardest weekend I've endured for a very, very long time. I knew it was hard when I found myself counting down the days until I got to go to work on Monday.

Yes, I made it. Yes, it was hard. Would I do it again? Maybe.

Attending the Homecoming by myself was the hardest thing I've done in decades. Made tougher when my car started rattling as soon as I decelerated from highway speeds to turn into town. I mentioned my dilemma to a few people (probably twenty) and one person's response was, "Yes, a lot of people start acting up when they come to our hometown".

It was hard but it was good. I saw a lot of people. Two of the three Mom gathered together for the life changing homecoming in 2006 were there. One of those people was one of the first people I saw; I latched onto the second person's wife during the last piece of the day. I missed the third person terribly.

I survived the day, the car got me home (rattling again when I decelerated). The car situation hovered over me like the dark clouds that decided to rain upon us during my little family gathering of twenty five the next day.

My cousin's wife, to whom I am extremely grateful, arranged, invited, suggested everything pertaining to the afternoon. All I had to do was open my doors (and a little prep and clean up). Two of the first to arrive were my mechanically inclined cousins. I asked them a huge favor as soon as they arrived. "Before you leave today, would you mind driving my car to see if I need to get it fixed in town or if I can make it to the city?" Making it to the city was critical because I'm holidaying/cat-sitting in my previous home and it was imperative I make it to the city in two days. 

Anyway ... back to the gathering ...

It couldn't have went much better (considering the impending rain clouds which kept all 25 of us under the very small roof for quite a while). The garage was company-ready and eventually the crowd divided in two (with a few enjoying the peace of simply sitting on the back step). Small groups conversed together - I like when that happens because that is my favorite part of being "one" in a crowd. Is the small conversations that are more genuine and real than the small talk that happens when there is one, big circle.

I'm glad I hosted the event. My family was beyond grateful but that wasn't the reason. I am hosting a "gathering of nine" in August and I was a small bit apprehensive about the larger gathering. Now, "nine" sounds like a very good one-digit number. I'm ready.

And yes, I must work today. The easiest part of the entire long weekend. Going to a place I don't mind going alone, know my way around and ... it's my last day before a week long holiday. This is the first time (other than adding a day or two onto a weekend) I've taken holidays since 2018.

I'm ready.

P.S. My car is ready too. Other than loose lug nuts (and one missing one) on the front tires, my cousins couldn't hear the rattling I heard. I thought the rattling I heard was from the rear, but I'm taking my chances and driving anyway.

Keeping Cool

This morning, as I stepped into the safe little cocoon that is my life, my first thoughts of the day were gratitude for our cool evenings after hot days. I haven't found the need to turn on the air conditioner yet, thanks to our cool evenings accompanied by a light breeze. I am even more grateful to know I have cool air available at the flick of a switch. Life is good.

I then wandered downstairs and checked the forecast. As I did so, my attention focused on news flashes of the forest fires raging and thousands of evacuees fleeing for safety, with the possible threat of losing their home. It put my world's view into perspective.

Our lives may feel challenging and they are. But in the big picture, when I look at my landscape I feel pretty darned lucky.

As I walk through my day and wonder if there is a practical use for (what feels like) an infinite supply of pinecones, I will remind myself of how fortunate I am to have space to wonder about such a trivial issue.

One morning of picking pinecones out of the rocks netted about 1/3 full trash can's worth of 

"mulch and pest deterrent" material.

I've said it before and I will keep saying it.

My life is good.

Powerless

This morning, the power went off unexpectedly just before 7:00 am. I was in the midst of planning to charge my phone, using up the laptop's battery power before plugging it in when the power waned and waiting for the furnace to kick in at 7:00 am, to take the chill out of the air. 

Then poof! The house was silent. Blissfully silent.

The dehumidifier I had running in the basement? Silence. The bathroom fan? Silent. Nothing. That is when I looked up to discover the clock on the stove was blank. The power was out.

Our power company sent a vague message saying they were looking into the reason behind the outage and crews were on the job, looking after the situation.

When after an hour, the power was still out, I started running through worst case scenarios. My phone could be charged in the car. If I didn't open the fridge door unnecessarily, the fridge/freezer would remain cold for as long as possible. 

Meanwhile, I was honing in on comparing a power outage to an all-out-communication outage. We have had a few recent outages that affected phones, internet, cable and cell phones. While I felt completely alone in my inability to reach out or be reached in any fashion, I uttered aloud, "At least we still have power. At least we still have power".

It was bright outside and the need for powered lighting was almost nil. Leave the bathroom door open and all is well. Water was functioning, I could have a bath, use the "facilities" and receive messages from the outside world.

All was well enough.

I opened my latest (and last) assembly-required cabinet for the closet in the Daybed Room, ensured all the parts and pieces were there and went about my day like I didn't need power.

The power was restored after an hour and a half. Just a blip in time. Life went on seamlessly without the assistance of a power source. I received a few messages from the outside world during the outage. I was not alone.

We are beyond fortunate with all of our conveniences of life. 

Paying a water bill is a privilege. We have have clean, running water and sewer system we completely take that for granted. There are many who do not have this luxury. Even within our own country.

Heat and power are two more luxuries of life we have on tap. Turn on a switch, turn up a thermostat, turn on the air conditioner, charge our various gadgets that keep us feeling connected and enjoy the ease with which we heat, cool and store our food.

Add to that, the various ways we keep our lines of communication open. Much of which is reliant on satellites and wireless connections. 

I miss the days when we all had a hard wired phone that was attached to a wall, not reliant on power or satellite connections. Yes, this could malfunction just as easily if the wire was cut. But there is something grounding in knowing there is a grounded connection.

I appreciate life's little wake up calls. There could be many, who slept right through this moment of powerlessness. Others who may have not had their morning coffee brewed before the the lights went out. 

Me? I simply wished I had charged my phone when I thought of it first thing this morning. Then began counting the many ways in which I was just plain lucky.

When one feels powerless, the best resource we have is to focus on that which we still have power over. Our thoughts, back-up plans and the mere simplicity of having most everything we need at our fingertips. 

Power or no power, I am simply thankful for that which stays the same. With or without the conveniences which make living a life pretty simple.

Thank you.

Back-up-plan #1

A functional and bright battery powered light

(including brand new batteries)

Back-up Plan #2

I'm feeling a little more in control now that I'm 88% charged

(and 21 minutes away from a full charge)

Finally Friday

The older I get, the more I live for the weekends. 

I worked from home for a lot of years. Actually, for the better part of 1998 to 2024. That is a long time. Enough time to enjoy the luxury of not having to leave the house at a specified time, if at all.

I've been working out of my home pretty steadily for the past ten months. It's exhausting.

I get up at 5:00 am to ensure I still have "my time" before I start giving it all away outside the house. Time to write, do my puzzles, banking, puttering around and basically just tending to what fuels me. Then I have to leave.

The best part of my days off, is savoring the time before I have to leave the house. Given a choice, I stay home. Even going for a walk separates me from the house I call home. 

I've said many times, the best part of a vacation is coming home. I love coming home, whether I've been gone for a day or even a few hours. Coming home is the highlight of my day. Every day.

I am pretty fortunate to be able to say that and mean it. 

I love my home. I love being home. I love staying home. 

I'm so glad it's finally Friday.

Calm Quiet Place

I have shut the door to our den (aka: "Mom's Room"), gathered a fresh cup of coffee and I'm in my calm, quiet place.

My thoughts have been in a repetitive loop for a very long time, so I have shied away from writing. When people ask how I am, my response is, "Same. Same. And more of the same." And that is the truth.

Holding patterns are comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time. I've become a little more of who I have been all along and less of who I have been all along. All at the same time.

The past week held a few up-in-the-air variables where I needed to know I had done all I could do, to take a step towards change. That has always brought a feeling of control in an incontrollable situation before. "Do what you can. Then let it go", has been my motto. Trust the pause ...

Thanksgiving came and went this year. I didn't take the time to stop and count my blessings. Truth be told, I count them continually.

I am beyond grateful for the quiet, predictable, safe little life I lead. I peak at the news of what is happening in the world outside of the very small window in which I see the world and I run for cover. I feel like a groundhog who is saying "Spring? Not yet! Not yet!!" and I pop back into my safe little space underground.

I'm in touch with people who matter to me. I have maintained long distance friendships since my family moved when I was nine years old. Long distance, letters, phone calls and sporadic face-to-face contact is warm and comfortable to me. I'm grateful for friends and family who nurture our relationships from afar. I'm grateful for those I do see in the flesh. Less is more when it comes to socializing. At least for me.

Death, dying and chronic illness seem to be a theme among those I know. No one is untouched. Mom used to comment on her feelings on these ongoing conversations. I hear you, Mom. I hear you! 

My sisters and I made our way towards my brother's family's home last month. It was wonderful. Our visit was sprinkled with laughter, familiarity and a sense we were all guests in our temporary AirBnB oasis. It was heavenly. It was life sustaining. Laughter never felt so good.

I have no moral to today's story. I have been craving a little writing time and when I brought out this brand new candle (with a fragrance labelled "Calm Quiet Place") this morning, I thought I would simply stop the world for a few minutes and write.

I miss this space. I miss who I used to be when my fingertips revealed my deepest, unconscious thoughts. I may be back ...

First World Problem

I feel like I've been using this space as a whining board. Yes, I've shown up and written regularly for one month. Yes, I've accomplished what I set out to do. But when I reread my recent posts I don't find anything terribly inspiring, amusing or of any real value. They are words forcefully transferred from my brain to my fingertips in an effort to rekindle the connection that was once there.

I know how fortunate I am. 

I wake up every morning and I'm able to get out of bed without pain, anxiety or fear of what the day holds in store. I am in good health. I am sheltered, warm, have clean water, appliances that cook our food and keep it cold; appliances that wash and dry our clothes and dishes. We have ample food plus the ability to replenish our supplies. I live in a safe community and country. I have a car to make it simple to get where I want to go. I have a steady income stream and work for people who value me. I have strong and solid relationships within my safe little community. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am content within my predictable little world. Thank you.

But can I end the month with one final rant? 

Am I the only person who has to vacuum the bathtub before they have a bath? Honestly! The cat hair is everywhere!!

Trust me. The picture does not fully portray the amount of hair in the tub.

I think it's time to fix the dripping faucet ... 

Budgeting verses Increasing Costs of Living

So, have you heard the price of gas went up again? This is becoming the newest well worn phrase, replacing talk about the weather.

Would you rather talk about gas prices or weather? I'm not a fan of either topic. My go-to response is "How are you coping with [insert gas costs or current weather issue]?"

My strategy is (and always has been) struggling to ensure my expenses do not exceed my income. Either cut down spending or increase income. Is there anything to be sold? Is there a more economical way to manage what we have? Using power, water and heating frugally. What spending can be slashed? 

When gas prices started inching up, I played the game well. I utilized Air Miles incentives at their sponsored gas station. All I had to do was fill up three times within a month to receive 100 bonus Air Miles. Then one can redeem 95 of those Air Miles for $10.00 off any Air Miles purchase at their affiliated stores. I have cashed in $50.00 of those miles since January and I'm one gas fill up away from my next $10.00 bonanza.

My credit cards accumulate points which can either go towards payment of the credit card balance or a purchase at the store which is associated with the card. I have recently added a new card which has offered a savings of 25 cents per litre for the first 10 fill ups using the card. I have loyalty cards where I shop the most. 

It is a game and I play it (fairly) well. At the moment, I have about $100.00 worth of points I can utilize to subsidize the increasing costs of living.

Groceries have always been my go-to budget slashing item. I have gotten lazy over the course of time and have defaulted to buying whatever I please. I shop at the most economical store I know of to ensure overall, I'm paying as low a price as possible (not always true but it tends to work out to saving $5.00 to $6.00 per $50.00 spent). Granted, due to the knowledge I'm saving money, I have a tendency to over-spend at this very store so I'm still spending more than I should.

The benefit of online grocery shopping is you can play around with the items in your cart and ensure you don't exceed your budgeted amount. The ability to add, remove, change and alter your order without physically walking up and down the aisles with a calculator in hand is a huge benefit. Something I haven't utilized. Yet. But the day is coming (or already has come and gone and I missed the memo). It may take more time but this could save money each and every time I shop.

So far, the only grocery budgeting strategy I have managed to date is due to my "intentional eating" mandate. I have stopped allowing myself to grab a bag of chips and eat in front of the TV so I can stay awake longer. No eating while watching TV is my rule. I have not limited what I can eat or how much I can eat. I simply altered HOW I eat. I must eat without distraction. I am three weeks into this resetting of my mindset and I can tell you one thing. Eating chips without watching TV is the furthest thing from my mind. I am easily saving a three-bag-a-week chip habit. Plus, I have stopped drinking my favorite diet cola beverage in lieu of water (flavored water using drink crystals which we already have, but I'm trying). I used to drink a one litre bottle of pop every other day or so. So add my pop savings to my chip savings and it equals a weekly savings of $12.36 according to today's bargain store pricing. 

My take-out food habit has been reined in by driving out to my weekend oasis location. Recent take-out spending has amounted to less than $50 per month. When I spend weekends in the city it is almost guaranteed we will order take-out food at least once, easily doubling that amount. My old spending habits easily averaged $100.00 per month or more.

Current monthly spending habits equal cashing in on $10.00 worth of Air Miles by playing by the rules of current promotions + almost $50.00 in chips & pop + $50.00 take-out reduction = $110.00 per month. 

And this ... is how I justify the gas it costs to drive an extra 250 km per week to spend time at my weekend rejuvenation destination. Unfortunately the cost to fill my gas tank (compared to last year's prices) has increased by approximately $33.00 per fill up X 4 times per month = a cost increase of  $132.00 per month so I still need to find a way to slash $22.00 monthly spending. 

What can be slashed? Do we need Netflix ($18.30) AND Amazon Prime ($11.09)? No. Do I NEED the extra channel package on my cable TV ($8.88)? Not without the ability to stay awake without eating chips, I don't. I just "found" another $20.00 I could save. 

I have slashed "going out for coffee with a friend" from my expenses. Holidays? I have one possible destination in mind but I have been saving $100 per month for just such an occasion so IF I make a decision, it has already been factored in. Thanks to previous COVID restrictions, I have lost my desire to go to see a movie, attend live theatre, a weekend day trip to meet up with someone halfway between our homes or any of my previous ideas of a fun outing. I'm saving all kinds of money by holding onto those restrictions on an ongoing basis.

The question is: Am I still living a memorable life while slashing "all of the above"? 

My answer is: Thanks to my little home away from home on the weekends, I have added value to my weekends where I am restored by spending time in my little oasis where my recreational vices are spending time/walking with my sister; cooking/cleaning/puttering around our little home; and the joy of having a cousin move in six houses from my little weekend retreat. I have found a way to justify the cost of gas and it doesn't feel like I've sacrificed a thing. 

I stepped away from this post in progress to make myself a smoothie. With each and every cupboard, fridge and freezer door I opened I marveled at the privilege I have. A fully stocked kitchen with back up supplies. The ability to replenish what we have. The precarious notion of a guaranteed income. An income stream which could change in a New York Minute.

I am trying so very hard to be vigilant with spending as I know the fine line between life-as-I-know-it and how life-could-be should circumstances change.

What are your coping strategies? Have rising costs of living stilted your way of life or have you been fortunate enough to add value to your life by cutting corners in a way where you don't feel the burden of filling up your gas tank? Have you managed to find small ways to make a difference? Or has this added fuel to the fire of a budget already stretched beyond its limitations?

Enough said. Tomorrow, I'd like to write about rabbits again. Okay?

Could this be a sign that ever goes by the wayside?

The Gift of Choice

Ahhh, one of my most favorite long weekends of the year has arrived. There is nothing better than an extra day off during what, usually by now, feels like the longest winter. Ever. 

That long span of holiday-less-ness between New Year's Day and whenever Easter happened to fall in the spring always felt endless. A February long weekend still feels like a surprise gift bestowed upon me every year.

What to do? What to do?

Oh, to have a choice of how to spend one's time. Where? With whom? What activity of choice?

I am so very fortunate to have the gift of "choice". I have easy options. The decision will most likely be made by whatever feels right when I wake up in the morning.

To stay at home, a place that embraces me with every cat hair and welcoming favorite spot? Or to travel a little over an hour away to spend time in my little oasis on the prairie - my happy place, my potential retirement goal, my place to "just be" ...

What to do? I could opt to work. I could opt to play. Whatever feels best in the moment I'm in will rule the day. I have one extra day at my disposal. I could use it wisely or I could fritter it away.

There is a contentment within my little home so I don't feel the need to distance myself from where I am at. 

It is truly a gift to feel at peace anywhere. To have an option of where to "spend" that bliss? Priceless.

Finding your bliss where you may be is my February wish for you. 💕

So Many Words (so little time)

I feel the words bubbling up inside of me again and life-as-I-am-living-it feels too busy to take the time to write.

The moment I started writing that paragraph, my answer was obvious. Get up earlier!

I am a morning person. I love spending time at my little home-away-from-home. I wake up in the wee hours of the morning to open windows and blinds to let in all the cool morning air possible before the day heats up. Once up, I stay up. 

Staying up is the answer. I went back to bed the last morning I spent at my little oasis-away-from-home. When I finally deemed it time to get up, I felt awful. If I didn't know better, I would think perhaps I was sick. But I know better.

I know I felt just fine when I first awoke and opened up the blinds to harness the cool morning air. If I had went about my early morning rituals, I feel I would have avoided a day of feeling hungover (minus the alcohol).

Early morning is where it is at for me. 

I love the time before the rest of the world wakes up and starts demanding things from me. To talk. To think. To plan. 

The wee hours of the morning is the time when I let my thoughts wander wherever they want to go. Thoughts that are starting to beg to be written. Thoughts that propel me forward throughout the day. Thoughts that spark gratitude when I let myself sit still with seeds that have been planted the day(s) prior.

I have had so many blog posts in my mind that got lost along the way as life demanded more of me than time allowed. 

So many thoughts. It is time to make the time to be still with them. I like spending time with my thoughts. I enjoy my own company. For this, I am eternally grateful.

Penned In

Despite the vaguely worded construction notice our neighborhood received "Please remove all vehicles from the roadway and adjacent driveways", I was surprised to discover our entire driveway and garage would be completely inaccessible during "Phase 2" of a four phase plan:

I was relieved I noticed this scene unfolding prior to being completely blocked in but was a slight bit miffed at the inconvenience.

I woke up the next morning and gave myself a good talking to. Yes, this is a slight inconvenience. But it is for the greater good. The City is taking care of a water main replacement that wreaked havoc with our ability to access running water last winter. It was not just us. As the City remedied one problem, it created a new one. A domino effect of water main woes in the middle of a Saskatchewan winter was not fun for anyone.

I am so very grateful to live in a city where they take over and fix the problems. It is one of the benefits of paying property taxes. 

As I moaned and groaned about being "this close" to not being affected by the road closure, I was reminded that this repair was for the entirety of our street. If we weren't affected now, we would be next in line. 

The City has supplied us with running water, at no extra cost or inconvenience, while the water main is under repair. All in all, we must be grateful that such a major undertaking is affecting us as little as it is.

This has been a particularly busy week with out-of-home errands, appointments and commitments. As I saw that red fence going up I longed for the COVID stay-at-home recommendations. What if we had to stay home as long as it took for the repair to be completed? How would that feel?

As I found a temporary parking spot directly behind us and talked to my neighbor across the alley to explain the need to park in front of their home (immediately reminded of Mom's irritation when people she didn't know parked in front of her house), I felt myself feel relieved that we haven't been entirely confined to our home.

We have the freedom to come and go, while major repairs are underway. We have running water. We have everything we need while the City takes care of all of the heavy lifting.

I can't believe I'm writing this. I am relieved we are not as penned in as it appears. 

All From the Comfort of Home

I woke up to a laundry list full of tasks to tend - clean the cat litter, garbage day pick up and shopping. Online shopping!

One hour was all it took. I shopped at two grocery stores; ordered necessary stationary items; took a trip over to Amazon and purchased some printer ink; and all I have to do is await our regularly scheduled cat food delivery.

Then I downloaded a book from Audible and listened to Ken Jennings narrate Alex Trebek's book "The Answer Is" while I tended to my morning brain exercises (word and number puzzles on the computer).

Ahhh ... the creature comforts of home and an Internet connection.

As much as I love to escape to my little home-away-from-home, there is truly no place like home.

The Gift of Recall

I was up to my elbows in sorting through the assortment of frozen food in our freezer when I suddenly wondered "Why am I here?"

I was immediately reminded of the moment when I was unpacking a load of groceries I took to my little home-away-from-home when I wondered "Where is the Shepherd's pie I packed?" I vividly remembered moving one frozen entree out of the way; I remembered we had two frozen Shepherd's pie meals; I remember the motion of choosing one of them. But it wasn't packed.

In both cases I was able to recall my answers the moment I revisited the scene. This reusable note we have taped inside a cupboard door (as a reminder that there is a thawed muffin inside the microwave) triggered the memory I had spotted a muffin in the freezer and had planned to take it out:

The frozen Shepherd's pie? I found it safely stashed inside the freezer door. My memory hadn't failed me. I had gone through the motions to pack it up and take it with me but simply forgot to follow through.

The gift of recall. The vivid pictures in our mind to help us back track and remember the sequence of events that brought us to the moment we are in, when we have forgot why we are there. 

It is a gift that shifts, alters and fades. Sometimes it is because we are overtired or our minds are on a million other things. We get distracted and forget. It seems to happen a little more as I age but every time I remember, I remind myself to be grateful.

The ability to recall a thought is a gift when we have it. It can be eroded slowly or gone in an instant. Brain injury comes in many different forms. Our brains are the core to our being. If we thought about it as much as we should, we may all be walking around in helments. 

Helmets and face masks. We need to protect what is important. Be careful out there.

Back at Home

The tedium of day-to-day living is so very much more tolerable when one's thoughts are not all wrapped up on the same old, same old.

Weekdays feel a little lighter knowing I have the option of making a quick trip out to my cozy little home-away-from-home.

Work deadlines are being met. Family responsibilities are being tended. Household tasks are getting done ever so much more easily, knowing I don't want them greeting me at the door if I decide to go away for the weekend. 

Appointments, obligations, to-do-lists. Check. Check. Check. Endless lists. 

• Things to take with me next time I head out to our Cozy House.
• A grocery list for my next trip to the aforementioned home.
• A to-do-list, for when I get there.
• Flexible plans that are not plagued with guilt, obligation or duty.

As we head toward a more flexible post-COVID life, I am not feeling overwhelmed. I have found myself smack dab in the middle of where I most want to be. 

A little oasis one hour away from the duties and obligations of my day-to-day life. A reason to tend to all that must be tended within our home and my work world.

As I tended to life-as-I-know-it these past few weeks, it has been with a bounce in my step and lightness in my heart. It feels life affirming to be taking steps towards a tentative and hopeful future.

In fact, it feels so very good that I am already anticipating the weekends when I simply stay home -my #1 Favorite Place to Be. Oh, how I look forward to waking up at home on a weekend and spending some of my newfound ambition on tending to the little things around here.

Home is my most favorite place in the world. Stepping into all the possibilities this second little home-away-from-home has created a wonderful place to dream.

I'm pleased to know I have done what is within my

control to reinstate a more normalized life one day soon.

The Things that "Stick"

My mind has been all over the map this morning as I rewind the tape of the weekend past, conversations and trains of thought that have led me to this post.

The small act of making myself a cup of coffee with as few wasted steps as possible led me down the garden path of the maze of memories interwoven into my being. 

I read the book "Cheaper by the Dozen" as a child. I remember the father character of the book being an efficiency expert and how the story wove his efficiency into the tale. It is one of those things that has stuck with me over the years. I recognize the part of me that became "efficient" after reading this book.

Oh, what an amazing world we live in when one can simply google "cheaper by the dozen book efficiency expert" to correlate what one thinks they remember, to Wikipedia - which in fact confirms my memory is not just a made up story in my mind. It is in fact, a fact.

I love when life gives me the opportunity to remember something I thought I forgot.

My aunt asks many questions that provide me with various opportunities to remember little things. "Do you remember living on the farm? Do you remember your dad farming? Do you remember ..." 

To keep myself entertained during our somewhat repetitive conversations, I find myself digging a little digger to refine and explain my answers. I have fond memories of taking supper out to the field during harvest. I remember the picnic basket Mom packed up, the feeling in the air, the memory of food tasting so much better because it came from that picnic basket. Then my memories took me to the time Dad showed us (I don't remember who I was with but I know there was someone with me) how to chaff the wheat, then chew on the kernels of wheat, to see if they were ready to harvest. We were at the bottom of the hill on our farm, by the grain bins. The memory is so vivid, I can almost remember the sky that day...

I spent the past weekend at "The Cute House" we have recently adopted. The house is furnished with history. The kitchen table with a history that goes back as far as my memories; a bench Dad made; an old stool Dad reinforced; the picnic basket (see above) currently holds various household hardware; my brother's old twin bed; not to mention the multitude of items I inherited from Mom's kitchen. Even the items from my home which have been donated to the Cute House have a story, because I don't need them due to what has been replaced from Mom's belongings (crystal wine glasses in my city home verses the dollar-store wine glasses which preceded them).

Memories. To have them. To hold onto them. To be able to retrieve them from the recesses of your mind or be triggered to recall them. Precious. The human brain is a miracle like no other. It is a precious commodity we tend to take for granted when it functions as expected.

The kitchen table on the far right side of this photo resides in my cozy little "home away from home" (that is me in the box, along with Mama Cat, which dates the picture back to the early 1960's)

The oh-so-special picnic basket, along with the potato salad Mom taught me how to make

It is amazing. The little things that "stick" as time goes on. I am grateful beyond words for the memories I have. So many good feelings are triggered. A history I am happy to recall.

It is sad to realize how many people are triggered by less than idyllic remembrances. The things that "stick" are not necessarily all good things. 

I am so very grateful the things that have stuck with me over the course of my life are predominantly warm and fuzzy. 

Waterless

When I heard of the winter storm and ensuing power outage in Texas last week, I couldn't help but put myself in their shoes. What devastation a three day power outage would wreak in the dead of a Saskatchewan winter. I cannot begin to fathom the ramifications. 

So when our water stopped running unexpectedly a few days ago, instead of feeling frustrated, I simply felt grateful.

I always keep an extra water supply on hand. It started as a way of helping our extra fridge not have to work so hard to keep the fridge cool by filling the empty space with several 4 litre jugs of water. This very water has been a godsend on more than one occasion.

As our lack of water situation unfolded from one day into the next, we felt destined to believe we would be without water for the entire 48 hour period (the maximum amount of time on the notice that was hand delivered after the fact).

I had packed a few empty 4 litre jugs with me when I went to visit my aunt yesterday. After checking one last time before I headed for home to hear our "no water" situation had not changed, I filled my jugs anticipating the need to flush a toilet would soon become a necessity [the warning "You have ONE flush left - use it wisely" had been heeded and utilized].

By the time I got home, our water had been restored. The sound of running water and flushing toilets was music to our ears.

In all, we were without water about 31 hours. All I could think of during that time is "What if we had been without power during that time? Or both power and water? And had to deal with freezing pipes and cold and safe guarding ourselves and electronic belongings from frigid temperatures?" 

Running water is a convenience we have come to take for granted. Power has become a necessity during our Saskatchewan winters.

May I simply say "thank you" to all concerned that keep things running as expected? This is huge. We are so very fortunate. I am grateful for this opportunity to be reminded of the fact.

It's a Wonderful Life

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and decided to utilize my wakefulness to go to the bathroom and do a quick check to see if a rabbit (or three) was in our front yard. The moment my feet hit the floor, I thought "I LOVE my life!"

Pure, uncensored words from my heart and soul came to my mind. I love my life. I am not only grateful for the simple life I live but for the appreciation I have for it. 

I long for nothing. Not a thing. I am thankful I can fill our cupboards, fill my gas tank, live in a home that is not only safe, warm and comfortable, it feels like a warm embrace to live within these four walls of ours.

I started "loving my walls" decades and decades ago. It all started in 1979...

My one year old son and I moved into our new home. It was a subsidized townhouse condominium which  was everything I could have ever hoped for. A brand new affordable home and a brand new life. Our future felt bright. 

I was young, starry eyed and in love. "I love our walls!!", I vividly remember thinking.

We lived under that roof until 1987. There were many tumultuous years as my on again, off again marriage lived out stories within those very walls. If those walls could talk, I wouldn't want to hear what they had to say. 

It was a blessing in disguise when my husband refused to leave. I didn't even fight. I simply packed up our children and drove away. I didn't want to live within those walls any longer.

We moved to a new city, new province and a new townhouse which immediately replicated the safe, comfortable and warm embrace our prior home provided. I remember settling in to our new lives, feeling a sense of serenity I hadn't felt in a long time and thinking the words, "I love our walls!" We were home again.

Our final and current home was one that simply called out to me and begged us to move in. It was love at first sight and I couldn't hide the fact from the seller. The price was firm and I didn't care. I knew this house was destined to be our home.

These walls have a few stories to tell. I have fought to maintain the serenity I found within our home. There have been numerous occasions when I found myself once again thinking, "I love our walls!!"

Loving our "walls" had little to nothing to do with the condition of our home. These walls represent everything that is important to me. Safety, security, comfort, warmth and serenity. Everything I aspire to feel deep within myself. Loving our walls has everything to do with loving my life.

I hear the echo of discontent in so many I talk with. For any and every number of reasons, there is unease, worry, heartache, loss, fear and a general feeling of weariness. 

I wish I could bottle up my inner sense of contentment and gift it to those who are lacking what I have in abundance. If I could wave my magic wand and wish you anything, my wish for you would be to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and have the words, "I love my life!" spring directly from your subconsciousness to the fore front of your mind.

It's a wonderful life I am living. Please come on over and I'll share it with you.

Throwback Thursday

My only thoughts this morning are "there goes another month".

I wistfully wondered where we will be standing a year from now. Who would have predicted our current state of being?

I have since been scrolling through my blog posts from Septembers in the past. This is the one that spoke to me the loudest. 

A little throwback Thursday post from one year ago with no glimmer of what the next year had in store:

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Look How Far You've Come

While scrolling through the internet this morning, I found a few words that spoke to me:

Credit to: Goalcast

I thought I would reflect on the year and went to check my blog history. September, 2018? Nothing. Not a post.

I then went to look up my 2018 calendar to fill in the blanks. I couldn't find it. I searched through my income tax papers where I always keep my calendar. Not a thing.

Okay, memory. Kick in. What were you doing a year ago?

I remembered September started by a trip with my brother to see my uncle in Guelph. I remember going to my sister's the weekend after that.

I remember feeling a lightness of heart starting to take hold but without the crutches of my blog or a calendar to look back on my memories faded to black. It was a scary feeling.

I scrambled to scroll back on some old texts to find a frame of reference. I found a text where I was headed out to Lloydminster with my son. After reading a few of the messages before and after this trip I was grounded with the knowledge that I remembered what was written in between the texts.

Once my feet were back on the ground and I was thinking clearly, I found my old calendar. Right where I expected it to be.

I flipped back to September, 2018. One year plus six days ago, I received the Final Clearance Letter for Mom's estate. A sibling trip was planned and we officially wound up everything pertaining to Mom's estate shortly thereafter.

We are planning another sibling trip this upcoming weekend. I will be headed off to see my uncle soon. Other events are mirroring those of one year ago.

Two years ago, the loss of Mom was fresh and I felt broken. A year ago, I was picking up the pieces and healing. This year seems to be a renewed version of the year past.

Life has moved on. There is a lot of the same old, same old. Just the way I like it. It feels like the good old days seasoned with the present.

How far have I come? I have a home renovation to celebrate. I am fortunate enough to still be employed. We are all in good spirits and our family relationships are healthy. I'm standing in a very similar place to where I was a year ago but the landscape has changed a little. I am grateful. So very grateful to be back where I have been but feeling better about it.

How about you? What has the last year brought into your life? I hope there have been rainbows after the rain, strength when you need it, courage to keep putting one foot in front of another and the company of those you enjoy to walk through your days.

Back to the present again ...

P.S. I am missing our annual sibling trip terribly. COVID-19, you can leave any time. We have learned quite enough from your presence

One Day ... But Not Today

There will come a day when replacing my car is smarter than repairing it. Thankfully it is not today.

My car simply didn't start when I turned the ignition five days prior to the day it died. When it happened initially, I gave it a few more tries, panicked slightly as I wondered if that was my last "start", but when it started easily the next time (and the next nine start-ups) I began to wonder if I had imagined the one time it didn't start.

Long story short, it wasn't my imagination. My car died last night.

As I sat and waited for the tow truck to arrive, I mentally tallied how much I have saved and how much more I have to go before I can shop for my next car. I berated myself for believing I was in a relatively good financial position after paying down last years bills to zero. I started to believe I had jinxed my luck.

Then the tow truck driver arrived and had a few tricks up his sleeve.

When the car didn't start by boosting the battery and a little more troubleshooting, he said he had one more thing to try before he gave up. He slid under the car, tapped the starter, told me when to start the ignition and the car came back to life.

He suggested I keep the car running until I arrived at my final destination because the starter struggled a little before it started. So my car spent the night at my friendly neighborhood mechanic's parking lot and a new starter has been ordered. I should be up and running by later this afternoon.

A new starter verses a new-to-me car? The starter wins. I can coast for a little while longer.

Of all the times and places for my car to abandon me, I could not be more grateful to be stranded in the grocery pick-up parking stall, fifteen minutes from home. I quickly assessed my situation. My grocery supply had just been replenished, a long weekend (with an extra day added to it) was on the horizon and I had no where to go. I was dreaming of five days of being stranded at home and I was not disappointed.

Granted, shopping for a different car would have added a dimension to the isolation which would not be ideal. But hey, I was still grateful I hadn't been stranded an hour and a half out of the city, in a spot with no cell service (I know this, because I tried to make a phone call), with my aunt on the day my car first died.

Do I feel like I have a battalion of guardian angels watching over me? You bet I do. Of all the times and places for the car to quit, this was one of the best options. I was on my way home so I had fulfilled my obligations for the day (and just one day shy of getting through the week). The car died on a Wednesday which allowed one business day for my garage to get me back on the road again before the long weekend.

As much as I long for isolation, I am grateful for the knowledge I can go anywhere I need to go by having a fully functional car in the garage.

I am feeling incredibly lucky this morning. My only challenge is in attempting to squeeze both a new car starter AND house insurance out of one month's wages. It's worth a try. 

When I first started visiting my aunt on a regular basis, I remember the sensation of feeling my uncle (her husband) and my dad's presence surrounding us. It was strong and I could almost reach out and touch it. Initially, it felt like a warm hug but as time went by, it felt a little more like someone walking along side me as I made my way through the days. Over time, that feeling diminished and I thought of it less and less. Last night, before I left my aunt's, I looked up at a picture of her and my uncle and my heart skipped a beat as I remembered how palpable I felt his presence over the course of time. I silently acknowledged his presence and wistfully thought of the years I have walked this walk with my aunt. I thought of the idea of all my "heavenly angels" for a fraction of a second.

I snapped back into the real world and as I headed home, I had every reason to feel stranded and alone, but I didn't. In reality, it is because I had a cell phone and all the numbers I needed to make my way back home. It was less of a problem and more of a slight inconvenience. But the feeling I had as I glanced up at the picture of my uncle was still within my subconscious thoughts. My state of well being was more than the convenience of cell service.

One day, my car will not start again for me. It is not today. I am grateful for my handy dandy mechanic at the end of the block, the funds to keep it running, cell service to call for assistance as needed and if there is an angel or three watching over me and keeping life only mildly inconvenient instead of major catastrophies, I am eternally grateful.

Today

I can't believe what I'm about to write. I am actually welcoming the idea of the sun sleeping in just a little bit longer. I am comforted by grabbing a sweater in the morning while there is a bit of a chill in the air. 

In a world where so much feels ever-changing, unpredictable and unprecedented I am comforted by the knowledge our seasons will change and although the sun is not shining as long as it has been, we know this is temporary. 

The sun always rises. Shortening days are followed by longer ones. Summer is followed by fall, which leads the way into winter where we anticipate the return of longer days, the renewal of spring and the harvest of our summer.

Nature is leading the way during this time of great uncertainty. News of Hurricane Laura, descriptions of a "surge" and the word "unsurvivable" tossed into  news briefs remind me to be grateful for what I have today.

Today my biggest problem is tending to month-end bookkeeping work. While it feels overwhelming at times, it is predictable and I have some control over how my days play out.

Another month has sped by. I feel like I'm in a time warp. Days go by quickly. Seasons blur from one into the next. In a few days I will have last year's income taxes paid in full. Just in time to start saving for this year's taxes. 

They say there are only two certainties in life. Death and taxes. This is something to hold onto while a global pandemic, racism, raging fires, hurricanes are the backdrop of our lives. Lives where challenges of living a regular ordinary life are still mounting. 

Today? I am grateful for taxes. It beats the alternative.

The Vacation Not Taken

In a preemptive move after last year's excessive holiday spending, I started saving the vacation pay off of every pay cheque. I started my savings on August 31st. I have just been paid to July 31st. One year's savings have accumulated. 

One year of slow but steady saving has resulted in a grand total of $1,475.92 sitting in a little nest egg with the words "vacation pay" noted on each and every deposit.

In the grand scheme of things it is a pretty small amount. But if I hadn't put it aside, this very same amount of money would have been eaten up by day to day living. I am quite certain my chequing account would not have ended up with an excess equal to this amount. In my brain, chequing accounts = spending accounts. Money simply passes through and the goal is to keep it in the black (which normally results in a balance quite close to zero). 

Yes! I have a little vacation fund!! Yay, me!!!

Here I sit in my quiet little COVID world, spending little, going out less and quite enjoying the long harvest this year. I have spent many months squirreling away my acorns for a "winter" (aka: vacation) that is not on the horizon.

Do I long for time off? Yes. Do I wish I had vacation plans? No.

My thoughts continue to swirl around and focus on our home and the bathrooms that never got updated in the Year of Renovations. I think how fast $10,000 would go if we tackled a bathroom and I am quite happy to sit home and continue doing what I am doing.

I ponder the day when my 18 year old car will need to be replaced. Never in a million years would I replace it with a brand new vehicle but again, $10,000 would disappear very quickly when looking for a newer, reliable car.

I know the world is becoming restless with social distancing advisories, ever-increasing cases of COVID-19 and coming to terms with the realization that our "new normal" is unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetime.

I also realize our economy would be in real trouble if everyone in the world was content to stay home and squirrel away any excess they may find in their already sparse budget fearing the long, cold winter which may or may not be the result of this strange new world we are navigating. 

But I'm not adding to our country's deficit and I am paying my own way. So I am playing a small part in not worsening the state of our economy.

Another year of saving may result in doubling today's figure. One year in our future, a vacation may be something I would consider. The truth of the matter is we have absolutely no idea where we may be one year from now. Who would have ever predicted today's reality?

To save or not to save. That is the question.

I love the idea of my vacation fund. This small little savings account allows me a place to dream. Just a little. The vacation not taken this year will provide an opportunity for something else to step in, in its place.