If You Ask Them ...

I'm living my Field of Dreams life once again. I extended an invitation yesterday morning. There wasn't any back and forth or wavering. It was a simple, "Sounds perfect"; "Wow that sounds awesome"; "We will do that"; "Thank you"; a few more "Thanks"; one "I'm old and wondering about bathrooms" (I'll take that as a 'yes'); 

All I had to do was ask.

It's an easy group. I'm pretty sure it will be as simple as opening up my home/yard/garage and providing the basic necessities. We are ordering in pizza. Bing! Bang! Boom! Easy peasy.

Except I have to get from here to there.

My socializing muscle is weak. My hosting abilities are rusty. This sequestered, solitary little life I lead has not been good. It's been easy but sometimes one must do hard things to live a better life.

One. Forward. Step. At. A. Time.

I asked. They are coming. This is good.

Finally Friday

The older I get, the more I live for the weekends. 

I worked from home for a lot of years. Actually, for the better part of 1998 to 2024. That is a long time. Enough time to enjoy the luxury of not having to leave the house at a specified time, if at all.

I've been working out of my home pretty steadily for the past ten months. It's exhausting.

I get up at 5:00 am to ensure I still have "my time" before I start giving it all away outside the house. Time to write, do my puzzles, banking, puttering around and basically just tending to what fuels me. Then I have to leave.

The best part of my days off, is savoring the time before I have to leave the house. Given a choice, I stay home. Even going for a walk separates me from the house I call home. 

I've said many times, the best part of a vacation is coming home. I love coming home, whether I've been gone for a day or even a few hours. Coming home is the highlight of my day. Every day.

I am pretty fortunate to be able to say that and mean it. 

I love my home. I love being home. I love staying home. 

I'm so glad it's finally Friday.

Staying Home is the Place for Me

 It is my favorite day. A week day off work, with no place I need to be. This is my definition of a Perfect Day.

Working outside my home has taken a toll. First and foremost is leaving the house. Then there has been the learning curve. Add "being on" for 8 hours a day? It's a recipe for exhaustion. Don't get me started about the wardrobe (but here I go anyway). 

Thankfully I have five tops that pass for work attire. 

The staple black pants? I bought a pair for a 90th birthday celebration in 2019. I've gotten my money's worth out of that pair of pants. If I had known the mileage they would get, I would have bought at least two more pair.

The life saver was finding these shoes. Mesh shoe, my orthotics slide right in, slip-on (laces are simply an accessory):

I've worn out a pair; my current pair have lasted the winter and I've got a back up pair in the closet. I honestly believe the shoes were what made all things possible. Socks and bare feet were my previous foot attire. 

I've managed, but the need for a work wardrobe update has been a bridge too far. Rotating my five cool tops has been made easier by adding four winter tops to the mix. Spring is in the air and I wish some magical creature would sneak into my closet and update my wardrobe. I despise clothes shopping.

Man! I really fell off topic. 

The moral to this post is the magic of this day-at-home where I can fall back on my regularly scheduled comfy tops. If only my work wardrobe was so easy ...

My cartoon-character wardrobe with new colors arriving soon!

I do believe we can all learn something from Steve Jobs, who wore the same outfit every day. It reduces decision fatigue and allows one to focus on important tasks at hand.

Point taken. I rest my case.

Life After Dark

As my pen wandered the page and sifted through my thoughts as I wrote my Morning Pages, it finally landed on a goal - simply stay awake after supper.

I have had jobs which have worn me down, starting in 2011. 

It all began with a Nightmare Boss (or two or three). I suppose that was the worst of times. But it sure set me up for the years that followed.

The common denominator was the onset of turning on the TV and tuning out my thoughts after supper. Add utter mental fatigue to the equation and the only way I could stay awake after supper was to turn to chips. 

Chips and TV have been my coping mechanisms for almost fifteen years. The past year I have adapted to falling asleep in front of the TV directly after supper. I've forfeited chips in lieu of a bedtime as early as 6:30, probably averaging somewhere around 7:00 - 7:15 pm.

This morning, I decided I can do ONE thing to start the evolution of change. Devote ONE hour after work to some task. Be it big or small. Maybe even a walk. Just ONE hour. I can eat at 6:00 instead of 5:00. That should delay my bedtime to somewhere around 7:30 to 8:00.

ONE small change. Just ONE. 

Can I still embrace my ritual of climbing directly into my pajamas after work? Until my ONE task becomes something I am doing outside, the answer is "yes". 

Climbing into my pj's is like a warm embrace at the end of a long day. I have exchanged chips for pajamas. Don't get me wrong. I still turn to chips if I want to stay up past 7:00. But I'm not filling a void with chips the way I did once upon a time. I am wearing out my favorite pajama pants though.

Due to the fact our day light hours are increasing, I don't know if I can begin to actually have a life after dark until sometime in the fall. But I can add one more hour to my days by simply doing "one hard thing" after work. 

  Living my best life - Netflix & Chips

Saturday

Need I say more? Saturday. 

It is a word, a sentence, a paragraph and an essay unto itself.

Saturday.

We made it through another work week.

All I can say is aaaaah.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Quiet Desperation

I sit here and clutch onto my hot cup of coffee as I desperately hold onto the last moments I am free to call my own today.

I wrote that paragraph and erased the paragraphs to follow. I checked job postings. I took a few typing tests. I peeked my head out into the world beyond the world I have created here at home and feel like a turtle.

I've tucked my head and limbs back into the safety of what I know.

I've worked on my own for 3-1/2 years now. I ran my daycare for 14 years. In a faraway land of long ago, I remember telling myself I was the best boss I ever had. 

I have high expectations of myself. When I stop meeting those expectations, I want to be done. 

I'm there.

But I don't know where to go next.

The saddest part of all, is I do believe I know where I would go if I had no one else to consider ...

I see it.

I just have to get there.

Home.

P.S. I must make a trip to update this photo - a lot has changed since this was taken.

Still Charging

If humans came equipped with a power bar status on their foreheads life could be simpler. 

One look at your own power level and you would see you were only at 11% and you could grant yourself a little grace. Taking the time to recharge a little more before tackling the day could make all the difference in the world. Noting someone else's power level would help manage expectations.

Just think ... what if you were only allowed into work if you were 80% charged or more. Breaks were automatically assigned when your power dipped below 60%. If you were consistently running below a certain level, holidays were mandatory. 

Recharging stations may need to be varied depending on the circumstance. Coffee would be a short term solution. A balanced meal or healthy snack would be a longer lasting charge. Sleep and rest would replenish the charge slowly and surely. Televisions would turn off automatically once a sufficient level of recharging was reached. We could actually see how much scrolling social media sites deplete us. 

That said, a bar indicator showing how many bars of reception we have could be helpful when trying to communicate. You could read whether or not the other party was receptive to your means of communicating. One could adjust and tweek as necessary. If one party shut down, it would be as clear as the bars on their forehead. 

I must be careful what I wish for. Artificial intelligence is a concept I only understand from old cartoons but what I am dreaming of is not something I want to see come true.

In the meantime, I find myself checking on the status of my charging phone before I expect too much of myself. 

I'm only 80% - I want to start the day at 100% ...

I honestly feel about 80% today. The weekend is doing its job but I'm still replenishing my charge. I'll see you at 100%!