One Day Too Much

Today is the "other" fifth day. The fifth consecutive work day. Sigh. I can do this. I simply wish I didn't have to.

10 hours later ...

I did it. I made it through.

I didn't take very good care of my future self though. I abandoned this post in order to make myself a tuna sandwich to take for lunch. It was a good choice.

When you don't take care of your future self, let your present day self choose the best priorities.

Lunch trumped blogging.

And that's all I have to say about that.

It is Almost Done

This is the tax season that just doesn't end. It felt like a long, hard process to wind up the year for a company, file all necessary returns and resign from that position. 

Of course, my resignation came with the caveat "If you need me to file your GST returns, I can be available for that", but other than that I highly recommended the new bookkeeper start from January 1st, to ensure consistency and a fresh start for 2025.

The new bookkeeper has been hired. All they needed was the back-up copy of the accounting program to get started. Easy peasy, I thought. I can just email it. 

No such luck. The file was too big for my email program to manage. I googled how to send a large file and was directed towards "clouds" and other such forums to send such a file. It would have been simplest, to put this file on a flash drive and hand deliver it. Unfortunately this would require both parties driving into the city, find a meeting spot and make the exchange.

If I had any other need to run into the city, this could have been a fun and easy little excursion. As it was, it would have taken three hours out of my day, at least $35.00 worth of gas, plus the cost of the flash drive. The expense of three hours was more than I wanted to bear but adding an additional $50.00 to the total? I hoped to find another way. And I did.

Thankfully, the file was sent electronically, received, opened AND the new bookkeeper was able to access everything she needed and was ready to go.

One crisis averted from the comfort of home.

One final, straggling tax return had yet to be filed. I had completed my work, one final check before it was ready to go, plus the presence of the tax payer. It was all checked, balanced, okayed and sent off. All from the comfort of home.

2024 has been wrapped up with a bow and sent where it needed to be sent. I have three sets of tax papers to return to their rightful owners and the piece of real estate that takes up in my upstairs closet will be free.

To-go pile ↑

The empty space it will create ↑

It is almost done. So long, 2024. 

Colliding Worlds

All my nicely compartmentalized little worlds collided a few days ago. I'm rolling just fine with the resulting aftermath. Having a solid home-base to ground me makes all the difference in the world.

I must find a way to wind up my bookkeeping job in a manner which appeases my desire to keep things out of "clouds" as much as it consoles my preference to find a way to do what I can from home. What needs to be done will be done and when it's done, my commitment to my bookkeeping job will be 100% complete. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize. It will be done.

While making a brief pit stop at my other home away from home, I noticed the furnace fan racing. After a few checks, balances and inquiries, I turned off the breaker to the furnace and called the phone number left behind by a company who had serviced the furnace in the past. An appointment was arranged for the next morning and I left it in my daughter's capable hands. 

Yesterday, as I was dealing with my shortened morning hours, due to the fact I was working at the job where I leave the house an hour earlier than usual, all these dynamics were coming at me as I was contending to the obligation of showing up for work. Meanwhile, my home was looking a little like a construction zone as the living room window project was in its final stages.

An early morning email suggested an option to hand deliver this bookkeeping file after work. My instinct was to just say "yes" to a very inconvenient meeting. I would have had to pick up a flash drive as I walked home from work, travel for three hours of and miss the possibility of touching base with my son as the window project was drawing to a close. 

Wait a moment. I didn't have to decide in that moment and completely upend my day. I decided to have a bath and let things sink in. "I have been trying to find a way to make this work as I prepare to run out the door to go to work and I just don't think tonight will work for me", was my final answer. 

It's a long weekend and no one needs to be in a panic about this transfer of information immediately. Least of all? Me. 

Then came the furnace/air conditioner situation. The diagnosis? A new air conditioner unit. Thankfully a split second decision didn't have to be made. We'll sit on that for a moment and see what options are available.

Pause. Just pause. 

Due to the fact I was wise enough to simply take a breath before leaping a decision that would have ruined my day, I came home to find my son almost ready to paint the new window-wall.

We chatted easily while I watched him paint (terrible of me, I know) and he made the comment the house would be ready for my sister's inspection visit this weekend. When he found out I was going to be on my own, he offered (or did I ask?) to move the couch and carpet back to where it was before this all started. I rearranged the remaining furnishings last night, puttered a little bit this morning and here is the end result:

All that's left is to wash the windows, hang the new blinds and re-side the front of the house. The inside renos are complete. 

When the outside world is impacting your peace of mind, it's comforting to have a soft place to land. A place that grounds you.

When I felt all my worlds colliding, all was well within my world when I settled in at the end of the day. There's no place like home.

Finally Friday

The older I get, the more I live for the weekends. 

I worked from home for a lot of years. Actually, for the better part of 1998 to 2024. That is a long time. Enough time to enjoy the luxury of not having to leave the house at a specified time, if at all.

I've been working out of my home pretty steadily for the past ten months. It's exhausting.

I get up at 5:00 am to ensure I still have "my time" before I start giving it all away outside the house. Time to write, do my puzzles, banking, puttering around and basically just tending to what fuels me. Then I have to leave.

The best part of my days off, is savoring the time before I have to leave the house. Given a choice, I stay home. Even going for a walk separates me from the house I call home. 

I've said many times, the best part of a vacation is coming home. I love coming home, whether I've been gone for a day or even a few hours. Coming home is the highlight of my day. Every day.

I am pretty fortunate to be able to say that and mean it. 

I love my home. I love being home. I love staying home. 

I'm so glad it's finally Friday.

One of the Lucky Ones

I was talking with someone who was freshly on the other side of resigning from "the most toxic workplace" they had ever encountered. Ever.

They described the situation and I didn't sit deep into what they were saying until I had time to be alone and reflect. They were describing a situation I have lived, experienced and felt deeply. For years after the fact. Years.

It was a toxic workplace situation that far exceeded what I had experienced in an abusive marriage. At least in my marriage, I could identify my part of the equation. I was a partner to the situation that unraveled. The workplace abuse was by far harder to manage because I had done everything in my power to rectify the situation and nothing helped. Nothing.

I have had the good fortune to have had a lifetime of healthy work situations. There were a handful of experiences I needed to leave. But that one. The toxic one shook my foundation in a way nothing had before. 

I'm juggling two casual job positions at the moment. A conversation I had this week was very complimentary to one of my workplaces. My immediate response was, "This is the best place I've ever worked. Ever." 

The positivity starts at the top and trickles downhill. Lightheartedness, laughter, support and a team effort is the name of the game at this workplace. 

Unfortunately, the same can be said of a situation where negativity starts at the top and trickles down. There is little one can do when one becomes a victim where nothing they do changes the situation. The situation become toxic. Fast.

I am so very fortunate I am in a spot where I am not feeling persecuted, unsupported, ill-equipped and unheard. Thus, I can take my little spot in a big environment and simply focus on who is in front of me, who I work with and have an attitude that "everyone is doing the best they can do". 

The upsides of being a casual employee are plentiful. "Casual" is my favorite word to describe my work situation. I have control over my situation. I can work one day a week (or less) at my second job. I'm not dependent on the income. One day a week? I can walk in and out of the day and not become personally involved in the dramas unfolding within.

I am one of the lucky ones.

In the Home Stretch

I have this whole tax-season-crisis almost in my rear view mirror. Almost. It feels wonderful!

My neck is noticing the difference. Sure, getting on top of the discomfort with the assistance of pain killers helped. But I have not taken any pain relief for well over a week. None. My neck feels so much better. The weight of the stress of bookkeeping and tax season made my head so heavy that my neck paid the price.

I feel so much lighter.

One would think I'd sleep like a baby, having completed so many of the hard things that have been keeping me up at night. Well? On one hand, one would be correct. Because a baby's sleep can be anything but a solid sleep-through-the-night scenario. 

I'm still ramped up on the adrenaline rush of accomplishing that which needed to be done. My head has been busy but my body has been parked in a kitchen chair, moving numbers around on a spreadsheet, tax forms and accounting programs. It's heavy work but not enough for the body to feel the exhaustion the head is experiencing.

It is time.

Time to tend to all I need to tend in the kitchen so my meal supplies are at-the-ready for the duration of the weekend and the week ahead. Then! Then I will head into the great wilderness of my own back yard.

It's the final count-down to the season they call "taxes". I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is the sun!

Grounded

I have spent the weekend at my home of 36 years. And it has been good. The weekend has been full of everything I didn't know I needed. And more. So much more.

It pays to know yourself well enough to ask for what you need. When I moved to my little oasis home-away-from-home and kept my original home to rent to my daughter and her spouse, part of the deal was for me to have "a room of my own" here. A room that was not a spare room for company. A room that was just mine. 

I assumed I may be on call to house and cat sit when they went away and I was not wrong. Thanks to the ailments of our Senior Cats, they are on a schedule to maintain medication and feeding times. I am actually needed here, in a way I am not necessary in my new home. It isn't foreign to me. Cats - aloof, but appreciative of their human counterparts. We get along well that way.

My bedroom suite here is everything I need and want. Not only a bed, with a closet to hold enough of my items for me to stay a night if weather or car conditions warranted it, but also a couch, desk, small table and chairs, plus a TV. A bathroom right outside my door. A fridge in the laundry room just a few more steps. A mini-suite to call my own. Home away from home.

I have been bouncing in and out and around the house all weekend. I had a list of errands longer than I may have wished for, but they were necessary. I'm grateful I didn't have to squeeze everything into a quick day trip into the city. Everything has been crossed off the list, except for that which I added as an afterthought.

I have had the time, energy and desire to see people while I've been here. People I haven't seen for the better part of a year or more. People who, at one time, were an integral part of my life and were part of the fabric of my life here. People I worked for and worked with.

The income tax burden has been weighing heavy on my shoulders. Taxes and obligations for people I know through my former employer. 

My previous employer passed away only a few months after I quit my bookkeeping job. I have been carrying a small amount of guilt and angst over the fact that I jumped ship on them. I didn't leave them high and dry. Everything was left the way I would appreciate if I was the person who would step into the role. I gave a year's notice. Nothing was sudden or unexpected. I did all I could do. But we didn't have a formal "good-bye" at the end and I didn't quite know what to do with that.

When one doesn't know all the facts, one makes up stories in their mind. Even in my most gracious stories, I was the villain. I abandoned them. Then she died.

I reached out in small ways. I did and said everything I knew to be right and comforting. I did all I could do. I had to let it go.

When a very good friend of my previous employer asked if I would do her taxes, I had to stop and think long and hard about it. In the end, due to the loyalty, friendship and past with my previous employer, I said yes. It was the right thing to do. It was hard to say yes. But it was right. Then the weight on my shoulders got a little heavier.

The moment I met up with this person, I knew I had said yes for all the right reasons. I told her, "I don't miss the job but I miss the people. I worked with very good people." And our visit was off and running.

We had a most excellent visit and I felt my previous employer nod with approval. "You did good, girl. You did good."

I then contacted my employer's son. In my bookkeeping role, I worked very closely with him, as it was his business' books I was tending. As his mom's health deteriorated, we had so very many conversations that were not about business. We became very good friends.

Long story short, none of the stories I made up in my head were true. All was well. He simply didn't want to call to ask me for help (pertaining to the bookkeeping end of things). He didn't call, out of respect for my decision to move on.

The night prior to this, I awoke in the middle of the night, with visions of T2's, T1's and GST returns dancing through my head. The person I still do books for, is someone I met through my former employer. As I struggled with the job of winding up the year and preparing for the tax season, I quietly whispered my employer's name and said I needed her help.

I walked away from it all after this desperate plea. When I walked back, it was better. Not a lot. But a little. Bit by bit, I started finding solutions to my problems. I balanced this to that and to the other thing. All the numbers made sense. I had one final question and had an idea. I slept on it, called the taxation department at 5:50 a.m. (7:50 a.m., where their offices are located) and a recorded message told me I could expect a 1-1/2 hour wait. "I have time", I thought to myself and proceeded to count down the next 90 minutes of my life ...

Then, I knew. I was right about this. I didn't need to confirm it. I could move on. And I did.

I wound up everything taxation-related with this business the night before I arrived at my little weekend oasis. I had planned to meet up with the business owner and present her with my final numbers, to get her okay before proceeding. Then I woke up in the middle of that night and thought, since I had all returns complete and final numbers ready to present, just print them all up to PDF files and email them. This was better than presenting her with a bunch of paperwork. She could print off the files, review them in her own time and once okay'd by her, all would be ready to go. 

I told my previous employer's friend this little story the next morning. I NEVER, ever wake up in the middle of the night and work at the books. Never. But my previous employer did this regularly. I wonder ... did I wake up and finish up this job by myself? Or was the energy of my previous employer spurring me into action? I said, "I think I had a visit from E last night..." Her friend nodded knowingly and completely agreed with me.

I was one day into my three day weekend and I had visited everyone from my previous work life that mattered. And it was good. It only got better once I started calling my cousins.

I have stepped back into my comfort zone here in my previous home. I'm glad my previous self knew what to ask for, to make life better for my future self. A grounding spot here within the home of my daughter and her spouse. 

I am home. I am grounded. I am healing a part of my past self that had been hurting a little. And it is good.

Maybe I don't need that grounding sheet, after all ...

Clutter

My mind is full of clutter this morning. Most of it is related to tax reporting and filing. I have seven personal income taxes to file; two GST returns and one business. I am consumed with ensuring I do not find myself in this spot at this time next year.

One year ago, I was consumed with all of the above. And more. Three more businesses and three more personal taxes. I am beyond relieved I am not where I used to be. 

A year ago, after all deadlines were met with the government filings, I had one more end goal. To wind up all the financials of everything related to my bookkeeping job and hand it all over. And I did.

I am feeling a little PTSD as I wade through the tax season. Post traumatic stress. Yes, that says it all. 

The next few days, I will be taking a step back into the world I left behind. It is my hope to tend to all the business the first day. The positive thing about my old life is the people I worked for. I want to let the business go so I can simply enjoy the people part of the equation.

I have bemoaned the fact I don't love having to leave my home to earn my living. What I have not focused on, is the ability to separate home from work. I walk out the door at the end of my work day, come home and leave it all behind. 

Work has invaded home again. My little oasis on the prairie is under attack. I'm fighting back to regain what I worked so hard to achieve last year. A home that feels like a home. Not a work space.

The enemy has been identified. The mission is to conquer and remove it from my head and house. Clearing the clutter begins at home.

Let the spring cleaning begin!

Staying Home is the Place for Me

 It is my favorite day. A week day off work, with no place I need to be. This is my definition of a Perfect Day.

Working outside my home has taken a toll. First and foremost is leaving the house. Then there has been the learning curve. Add "being on" for 8 hours a day? It's a recipe for exhaustion. Don't get me started about the wardrobe (but here I go anyway). 

Thankfully I have five tops that pass for work attire. 

The staple black pants? I bought a pair for a 90th birthday celebration in 2019. I've gotten my money's worth out of that pair of pants. If I had known the mileage they would get, I would have bought at least two more pair.

The life saver was finding these shoes. Mesh shoe, my orthotics slide right in, slip-on (laces are simply an accessory):

I've worn out a pair; my current pair have lasted the winter and I've got a back up pair in the closet. I honestly believe the shoes were what made all things possible. Socks and bare feet were my previous foot attire. 

I've managed, but the need for a work wardrobe update has been a bridge too far. Rotating my five cool tops has been made easier by adding four winter tops to the mix. Spring is in the air and I wish some magical creature would sneak into my closet and update my wardrobe. I despise clothes shopping.

Man! I really fell off topic. 

The moral to this post is the magic of this day-at-home where I can fall back on my regularly scheduled comfy tops. If only my work wardrobe was so easy ...

My cartoon-character wardrobe with new colors arriving soon!

I do believe we can all learn something from Steve Jobs, who wore the same outfit every day. It reduces decision fatigue and allows one to focus on important tasks at hand.

Point taken. I rest my case.

Just Another Manic Monday

I feel fired up and energized this morning. One perpetual-motion-kind-of-day begets another. It's a shame I have to waste this energy by going to work.

Sigh.

I have hermit like characteristics that would not serve me well, if I didn't have to push myself out of my comfort zones on a regular basis. The pandemic encouraged my favored lifestyle and I savored the moments when life expected less of me.

When I dreamed of creating a life in my new home, I had visions of semi-retirement dancing through my head. I would do a little bookkeeping for a side income, live off my pension income, live a quiet little life and I would start to create something out of the letters Mom & I wrote to each other over the course of 30 years.

I would sit on the deck with my coffee and a book. I would watch the sky, the birds, nature and simply listen to the sounds around me.

I would putter around the yard in the summer, read and write in the winter. I would go where the wind blew ...

Oh, it was a good dream. Peaceful. Content. 

Then the wind blew in and directed me towards two casual job positions which have quite likely saved me from myself.

I need routine. People and social contact is very good for me. Oh, and the income comes in pretty handy.

Weekends go far too quickly. I tend to fritter one day away and if I'm lucky, the second day off is more productive. That is not always the case.

Every single time I have a perpetual motion kind of day - a day where one thing leads to the next, the next and the next it feels so good I wonder why I don't make the best use of my days more often.

I wrote those words and realized even my unproductive days are a result of perpetual motion. It is simply motion that doesn't produce results.

Yesterday was a good day. It started with not having the ingredients nor feeling in the right kind of mood to do a little meal-prep for the upcoming week. It ended with this:

Enough prepared meals to last a week. 

Perhaps I should freeze some for a weekend that doesn't produce the same results.

Monday is hard. 

It is made a little easier when your prior self is looking out for your future self.

Please take care of your present day self. 

That's all we really have.

A New Life Dawning

 "Where am I?" "What day is it?" "How long do I get to stay here??"

These are the questions I have been waking up to, when I actually sleep through the night these days. I have solved the dilemma of Where? What? How? lately by not falling into a deep restful sleep. The day will come. And I will be waking up in my newly refreshed life-as-I-know-it.

July 1st came and went. My one objective of this pivotal date was my date of resignation would have past and I would have evicted my "roommate", which was my job.

And ... (drumroll, please) ... I did it.

I wrapped up the June 30th deadline with a bow and handed it all over on July 1st. Happy New Year to me!!

Rewind the tape to last fall, when I started the process that eventually resulted in obtaining a casual job position in my new town. Due to the education requirements, there were many hoops to jump through during hiring process. After it was decided my education was sufficient, I had to take one more course. I did that. Then the interview. Then the skills test. 

October 4th was the beginning of this story. November 13th, I was offered a position. Next came one day of online education, submitting all new-hire documentation, including ensuring my immunizations were complete and up-to-date and training shifts. December 22nd was the end of the beginning of this same story.

At one point during the process I declared, "I have never worked so hard to get a job".

Then came the other end of the same, but very different story.

I gave my previous employers a year's notice that my date of resignation would be June 30th. The first six months were a breeze. The beginning of the next six months was overwhelming as I outlined all the deadlines I needed to meet, in order to be done in six short months. The last month? With the deadline looming and so much yet to do, was the motivation I needed to simply get the job done.

The final final four days of my job was like seeing the finish line ahead but the last leg of the race was the hardest leg of it all. And I did it. I really did it!!

June 30th (two loads of boxes and file cabinets later, this is what was left)

July 1st

July 2nd

At the beginning of my tale of two jobs, I declared, "I have never worked so hard to get a job". At the end of my tale, I declared, "I have never worked so hard to quit a job".

The second casual job position I was hired for was the best job interview of my life. It was as if every single thing I had accomplished throughout my working career mattered. Like all the puzzle pieces of my life came together to make me a good fit for the position I was eventually hired for. It was the easiest job interview of my life.

Here I am. One solid step into my new life. I am back in the town where I was born. 

I wake up knowing what day it is, where I am and knowing I am home. Home at last!

A Multi-Topical Post

I'm sitting in the middle of a natural "high" at the moment. Brought to me courtesy of: completing a task BEFORE a long weekend; savoring the moment of a Friday off; persevering through a challenging month; the satisfaction of the month-end credit card balance equaling $0.00; AND the morning-after elation of my 20% off shopping at Shoppers.

Where to begin? Where to begin?

I have a list of "hard things" to accomplish within my office-that-lives-at-home. There is a bonus to the satisfaction of completing these tasks due to the fact I chose my resignation date to coincide with completing, filing and finalizing all year-end tasks before my end date. Each of these tasks has a bonus prize of being the last time I am responsible for its completion. ONE big job done has paved the way for what must follow. The hard part is over.

Month-end. It snuck up on me this month. I knew I had one big deadline to meet by March 31st. What surprised me was the fact that March 31st landed on a Sunday, with Friday being a holiday. All month-end tasks were due by Thursday (March 28th). And I did it! 

I thrive on deadlines. Wishy washy "do this when you have time" goals are my enemy. Tell me I have a week? It's done. Hormones are spiked and I'm riding a natural high that endures longer than most anything else I can imagine.

Our life has been sprinkled with the reality of living life. Our senior cat's bloodwork revealed he has Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease. We are managing this with a renal cat food diet. Dry cat food is being consumed at a near-regular rate of speed, we've supplemented his diet with canned renal cat food and we have water dishes available in multiple areas. This has brought him back to where he was about a month ago. Litter conditions are unchanged so my unofficial diagnosis is his stomach is still not tolerating his food as well as it should. But we are enjoying his presence in our lives for as long as he is comfortable. 

A reminder that life is a temporary condition always feels like a surprise. Renewed appreciation of the small stuff is the reward.

I have been getting up an hour earlier, which has given me the illusion of extra time. The morning hours have always been my favorite. Time before the rest of the world wakes up feels more sacred. I've been prepared to step into my office at a reasonable hour without sacrificing the time it takes to recharge my own batteries.

Ahhh. Taking care of oneself without guilt of stealing time out of (what should be) work hours. Guilt-free pleasures are the best.

Speaking of taking care of myself, I have been diligently trying to take better care of this body I inhabit. Drinking water and spacing my vitamins and blood pressure medication two hours apart has become a full time job. I'm considering cutting out one of my vitamins to save time (and money). Then I added the complication of making a goal of meeting my daily fiber and calcium requirements. I'm so full from nuts/fiber and dairy, that I have little desire for actual meals. I do need to add some form of exercise (walking) into this routine but honestly! When will I have the time? I'll have to squeeze it into my day before my consumption of liquids necessitates the close proximity of washroom facilities.

What goes in, must come out. I am literally flushing my system. All day, every day. I (should) feel so clean inside.

Speaking of clean, I have yet to add a thorough cleansing of our home to my regimen. Thriving on deadlines is not serving me well as yet. I am planning on moving throughout the month of July. I have 3 months to procrastinate. Thirty years at one address will not pack up in a day. I have convinced myself that completing my work related tasks will free up the energy levels required to start dealing with the excess of possessions around here. I hope I'm right.

Packing up a full-time job and office, with the addition of emptying a home feels daunting. ONE step at a time.

I love and look forward to my personal month-end tasks. The games I play within my budget scheme are plentiful. They provide challenge, entertainment and joy. Let me tell you about my most recent joyful moment ...

Our weekly milk requirements revolve around senior's 20% off days at Shoppers. The bonus of Seniors Day at Shoppers is the minimum age requirement - 55 years. You better believe I mentioned this gift in my brother's 55th birthday card. It is a rite of passage and I have owned it. Add the association between Superstore's bonus points being added to the Shopper's Optimum card and it is a winning combination. 

Thanks to a bonus offer I couldn't refuse, I easily amassed $30.00 worth of points on my Optimum card. After an extremely expensive month, I opted to cash in $20.00 worth of those points when I made my weekly purchase. Add that to my 20% off savings and look at what I bought for $3.17 last night!!

Look at all that calcium and fiber!! $3.17!!! I am over the moon!

I need to save all the pennies I can. I have another expensive month on the horizon. New summer tires, an oil change, a few social outings (being reclusive is a much more affordable hobby), refilling my quarterly prescription, a hair cut and an unhealthy cat equals financial insecurity into my regularly scheduled life.

April is right around the corner and I'm already anticipating the satisfaction of enduring yet another month and summing it all up with my favorite number. Zero. Zero credit card balance + a near-zero savings account balance isn't my favorite combo, but it's better than the alternative.

All this and it is a holiday Friday to boot. Life just doesn't get any better ...

Spiralling

I'm in a thought spiral this morning, so I reverted to my old ways of managing the words spinning around in my head. I grabbed a pen and paper. 

Seeing the words on a piece of paper has a way of taming them. You can see you aren't thinking about a million different things - you are more likely to be thinking of a small number of things in a million different ways.

I started with the topic front and foremost in my mind, made bullet points about my thoughts, concerns, potential action plans and what was or wasn't within my control.

I came up with eight main focuses of concern. Five of these are ongoing. Three are new. Some are inter-connected (ie: our cat's chronic mucous-spewing sneezing is impacting my house-keeping abilities). Money is a common thread throughout most of my ongoing worries.

Note the white spots - I have discovered our cat's mucous bubbles up when sprayed with hydrogen peroxide. This is a section of the floor I washed up after supper last night. The knowledge that this is all over our floors, walls, doors and furniture is causing great angst. 

Work is taking up the number one spot of my anxieties, inter-connected with and followed closely by money. This is not a surprise. I have taken action and handed in my notice, which has compounded the troubles instead of lessening them.

I started a clean page titled "TODAY". I itemized that which must be done, will be done and can be done today. 

Breaking things down into manageable pieces. It is about all we can do. It is what we must do in order to take the next step forward.

I admit that "shower" is one of the items on today's to-do-list. These must-do items may be as small as that which, depending on the day, is a big thing. 

I endeavor to keep my regular list of must-do's pretty basic:

• Get out of bed
• Make the bed
• Wash my glasses
• Make my morning smoothie/coffee
• Wash my smoothie glass/coffee cup
• Clean cat litter/refresh cat water

That's it. I make it a rule to keep my bed made, the kitchen counter and sink empty and clean, tend to our cats and THEN do one hard thing at a time.

Work is hard. Extra-curricular housecleaning is hard. Running errands, leaving the house, going to appointments are all hard. Some phone calls are hard. 

Lately, when the going gets tough, the tough turns on Netflix. So you know what? I gave myself the gift of one more month of grocery delivery. For the small cost of $9.96 per month, I can let someone else shop, pack up and deliver my groceries for me. Winter has finally arrived and our temperatures have dipped to -28º this morning. I will forfeit something else in order to allow myself this indulgence.

What gift to you give yourself when the going gets tough? We all need a little something to pick us up at times. Give yourself a break today. You deserve it.

Six Months

Back to work. Back to my previously scheduled life. Back to the same old, same old.

As much as I love routine, the comfort of knowing my job well and all the benefits of working from home ... this part of my life is winding to a close. Six months. I gave notice last year. I now have six months to wind things up and pass the torch.

This knowledge should have me kicked into high gear right about now but I'm feeling overwhelmed. I am missing my teacher/my boss/my colleague/my support/my guiding light. 

If she was sitting in the office beside me, she would have a to-do-list written up and a timeline and outline of what must be done. I can do that. I am capable and her words still guide me.

My work situation prior to COVID was becoming unmanageable. Working from home bought three more years of employment than I would not have been capable of, if nothing had changed. 

I am grateful for that time, the experience I gained, the financial security of a regular pay cheque and the comfort of staying with a job I know well.

Now that there is an end in sight, I ponder the wisdom of waiting so long. There is no going back. Forward is the only option. Forward is good. Forward is a tad frightening.

Six months from now, the goal is to be living in my little oasis home away from home. The intention has been set. The path has been cleared. I have found employment in my new-to-me town. It is as simple as packing up my home and office, then passing my responsibilities over to the next generation.

July 1, 2024 ... oh, how I wonder how my life will look in six short months...

An empty calendar page at the moment.

It holds the potential for oh, so many things.

It's a New Year!

July 1st feels like a brand new year this year.

All accounting jobs and expectations for the previous year end have been wrapped up.

On one hand, one of my jobs will be ending any day now.

On the other hand, I have given a one year's notice of resignation to my accounting job. My goal is to organize my little office and wrap up the year 2023. Leave my work organized enough so my heir-apparent can step into the role I will leave behind.

I will then move to my little oasis on the prairie. My hope is to take the summer off and then step into a job with hours conducive to living a life beyond work, make friends and connections and let my next "happily ever after" begin.

I have learned there are no happily ever afters in life. Simply new beginnings, renewed hope and more change. Always change.

The only thing certain in life are death and taxes and change.

I have drawn a line in the cement and I'm making way for a renewed life. One year from today ...

Happy New Year! 

Week Days = Weak Days

My life depletes me.

I feel the constant pull, tug and drag of to-do's; should-do's; must-do's; and want-to-do's at every turn.

I was catapulted into the week at hand with (what felt like) a hundred things pulling and tugging at me the moment I returned from my weekend oasis.

Cats. Cat hair. Cat litter. Cat sneaked under my covers. Again. 

Work. Phone. Work. Email. Work. Texts.

Yard.

I left my weekend oasis fully charged and ready for the week.

Monday depleted me. Tuesday took what was left over.

One deadline will be met today. Six more are looming.

Wednesday used to feel like my "power day". I was back in the swing of things and running on all cylinders. Lately, I feel as if I'm running on all cylinders all the time.

My week days make me weak in the knees.

I'm ready for a holiday.

Here We Go Again

I think I found a piece of myself this past weekend.

I found it while savoring some solitude in my little oasis away from home

I hope I can hold onto whatever this is once I step back into my regularly scheduled life.

I don't want to go home.

I love this little piece of heaven right here on earth.

I'll be back!

I know I have the same easy feeling within my home,

but it is a relief to spend time away from my work that lives with me 

... and all the cat hair.

Oh, the cat hair.

May you find a small piece of heaven somewhere within your day-to-day world.

Easy Like Friday Morning

I have been meandering through the morning like it is a weekend. And that's okay.

This week has been peppered with diversion and there are no looming deadlines, payrolls or big tasks to tend. Instead, unexpected things-to-do have cropped up and I jumped right on them so they didn't have time to sit in yet another things-to-be-finished pile. 

"Like ripping off a Band-Aid", I said aloud as I stroked items off my list before the list was written. Yes. That IS the way to tackle the unending requirements of my job and life in general.

I did what had to be done, tackled some yard work and washed a few windows. It is completing the added tasks that have added a little bounce back into my step. The above and beyond.

Going above and beyond was something I felt good about within my past jobs. Making a customer service experience feel as good as one can make it and writing daycare newsletters and blog posts were the things that brought joy into my 9 - 5, Monday to Friday life. 

Going above and beyond has gone out the window lately. Maybe not. Maybe the fact that I am employed by friends and family dilute the extra little things I do (previously referred to as "above and beyond") as simply that which one expects of themselves.

The cost of working for those you know well is the personal involvement that takes a slow and gradual toll. I have been working with aging seniors and been a witness to their slow decline. 

I can feel where Mom was coming from when she spoke of not wanting to be in a community of "old people". We often laughed at our 80+ year old mom refer to others her age as old. She has the last laugh. Aging has less to do with the number of candles on one's birthday cake and everything to do with the internal dialogue and fate one has been handed that defines how one manages those senior years.

Mom saw the writing on my wall when I started working with seniors six years ago. She knew where this road would take me. I'm managing it well enough. But ... but ...

It is taking a toll. I rolled with the punches this week and reveled in the relative ease I felt without must-meet-deadlines. I was revitalized by going a little above and beyond the call of duty. But ... but ...

I'm ready for my weekend one day ahead of schedule.

Thus, I have been coasting through my morning like it is Sunday instead of Friday. I'm just going to go with it. Let us rewrite the song ... "♪ Easy like Friday morning.. ♪"

May your Friday morning feel easy on you ...

The Day the Computer Died

I was enjoying the moment. Finishing my first cup of coffee for the day, savoring the silence of the morning, taking time to be still and read some of the blogs I follow and allowing myself just a little more time before I forged into my Friday.

Suddenly, my computer sighed a momentary last breath. And died. On the spot. Poof. Done. With no battery back-up on this computer, I was certain this was the end.

I surveyed the situation in a manner similar to one's life flash before their eyes in the nanoseconds that followed. I hate to say it, but "Income tax!" was the first and foremost thought that crossed my mind. I have three returns started on this computer and would have to start from scratch. Not the end of the world. 

I pondered the thought of how quickly I could replace the computer. A used computer store had been a very good way to buy a computer for my little weekend oasis. I wondered what they had in stock and how expensive it would be. "It couldn't wait until May's budget, could it?", I wondered as I diligently work to pay off all credit cards to zero at the end of each month.

I wondered if anything on this computer could be salvaged. A computer-guy would have to wait. Replacing the computer was priority. 

It then dawned on me to unplug the computer, plug it back in again and try to turn it on. Amazingly enough, it worked!

My ancient computer slowly regained consciousness, took its time opening closed files and error messages seemed to be appearing out of nowhere. The email program couldn't send/receive emails. All the browser pages reopened but nothing could load. Ahhh! Slowly, I realized it was an internet issue. Not the computer at all.

Being slightly sluggish from the lack of caffeine in my system, I decided to check my work computer. Nope. No internet there either. "Day off!!" was my next thought. Yay!! By the time I made it back into the kitchen, I realized my tax program worked independent of the internet. I could still work on taxes. Relief and disappointment washed over me simultaneously. "All is not lost" and this is a good thing.

As lack of internet signal icon kept catching my attention, I realized it was just past 7 a.m. - too early to start working anyway! When the going gets tough, the tough grab a second cup of coffee and starts formulating a blog post on a Word document. Which brings you up to where I was seven paragraphs ago.

The internet came back up and all systems are "Go!" again. What must have happened, was a momentary power surge which resulted in turning off my computer with 0% battery availability and resulted in the internet having to reboot and restart. All is well enough in this happy little world of mine once again.

I thought it was the end of my computer's life and I didn't fixate on the worst of all outcomes. I just rolled with what I thought it was and carried on.

Is it maturity or exhaustion? I am content to believe my reaction stems from experience and knowing that all material issues such as this are easily remedied.

In the meantime, I'm charging up my phone in case of a power outage and will be calling my friendly neighborhood used computer store to find a replacement for my poor, burnt out and antiquated computer.  

This was a test. It was only a test. 

P.S. I have searched my financial archives and discovered this computer was purchased July, 2014 for the price of $803.00 

(I think I've gotten my money's worth)

"This" Close

I despise my writing when I'm in count-down mode. My head is all about what needs to be done, how I will do it, when I will fit it all in and how long can I put off the inevitable. I work best under pressure but creating my own pressure cooker is my own doing. I have no one to blame but myself.

I have three days to complete April's to-do-list but it is my goal to tie up all loose ends tomorrow, so I have the weekend to do as I please.

What pleases me? Oh, so much!!

I have borrowed Michelle Obama's book "The Light We Carry" from the library. I started reading it last weekend and it is my kind of story telling. Easy to read, thought provoking and a person wants to turn the page in anticipation of more of the same. I had to close the book last weekend, but I'll be back!

Add to that, the Oprah's interview with Michelle Obama newly released on Netflix. That is cued up and ready to view. All I need want to go with that is a bowl of popcorn. I can't wait!

Then I really hit the library jackpot when I woke up yesterday to find my hold for Prince Harry's audio book "Spare" was available. I started listening immediately. I love listening to Harry speak of his life in a way only he can do. I am not quite two hours in, to sixteen hours of Harry's story. I am looking forward to the quiet space required to simply ... listen.

Our weather has finally broken. Snow is melted, temperatures are starting to climb and the great outdoors is calling. I can putter, I can sit on the deck with a cup of coffee and read, I can walk without dodging snow, ice and puddles and I could probably wash a window or ten. Possibilities are endless!!

I've cooked the past few weekends so I will plan easy meals and perhaps (if the month-end-budget allows) I may even splurge on the cheapest take-out option I can find. We'll see. Easy, tasty eating is on the horizon. I love it!

I am anticipating a weekend where all I have to do is open my eyes, get out of bed and go wherever the day takes me. No deadlines to meet, simply an agenda of fun and easy. It is time to celebrate enduring meeting another month of deadlines and obligations. 

I'm "this" close ...

TGIF

Thank goodness it's Thursday

I still have ONE more day to clear the slate for an easy, breezy weekend.

What do you hope to do to make way for that which brings you joy? May you find your way to being "this close" right along with me.