It pays to know yourself well enough to ask for what you need. When I moved to my little oasis home-away-from-home and kept my original home to rent to my daughter and her spouse, part of the deal was for me to have "a room of my own" here. A room that was not a spare room for company. A room that was just mine.
I assumed I may be on call to house and cat sit when they went away and I was not wrong. Thanks to the ailments of our Senior Cats, they are on a schedule to maintain medication and feeding times. I am actually needed here, in a way I am not necessary in my new home. It isn't foreign to me. Cats - aloof, but appreciative of their human counterparts. We get along well that way.
My bedroom suite here is everything I need and want. Not only a bed, with a closet to hold enough of my items for me to stay a night if weather or car conditions warranted it, but also a couch, desk, small table and chairs, plus a TV. A bathroom right outside my door. A fridge in the laundry room just a few more steps. A mini-suite to call my own. Home away from home.
I have been bouncing in and out and around the house all weekend. I had a list of errands longer than I may have wished for, but they were necessary. I'm grateful I didn't have to squeeze everything into a quick day trip into the city. Everything has been crossed off the list, except for that which I added as an afterthought.
I have had the time, energy and desire to see people while I've been here. People I haven't seen for the better part of a year or more. People who, at one time, were an integral part of my life and were part of the fabric of my life here. People I worked for and worked with.
The income tax burden has been weighing heavy on my shoulders. Taxes and obligations for people I know through my former employer.
My previous employer passed away only a few months after I quit my bookkeeping job. I have been carrying a small amount of guilt and angst over the fact that I jumped ship on them. I didn't leave them high and dry. Everything was left the way I would appreciate if I was the person who would step into the role. I gave a year's notice. Nothing was sudden or unexpected. I did all I could do. But we didn't have a formal "good-bye" at the end and I didn't quite know what to do with that.
When one doesn't know all the facts, one makes up stories in their mind. Even in my most gracious stories, I was the villain. I abandoned them. Then she died.
I reached out in small ways. I did and said everything I knew to be right and comforting. I did all I could do. I had to let it go.
When a very good friend of my previous employer asked if I would do her taxes, I had to stop and think long and hard about it. In the end, due to the loyalty, friendship and past with my previous employer, I said yes. It was the right thing to do. It was hard to say yes. But it was right. Then the weight on my shoulders got a little heavier.
The moment I met up with this person, I knew I had said yes for all the right reasons. I told her, "I don't miss the job but I miss the people. I worked with very good people." And our visit was off and running.
We had a most excellent visit and I felt my previous employer nod with approval. "You did good, girl. You did good."
I then contacted my employer's son. In my bookkeeping role, I worked very closely with him, as it was his business' books I was tending. As his mom's health deteriorated, we had so very many conversations that were not about business. We became very good friends.
Long story short, none of the stories I made up in my head were true. All was well. He simply didn't want to call to ask me for help (pertaining to the bookkeeping end of things). He didn't call, out of respect for my decision to move on.
The night prior to this, I awoke in the middle of the night, with visions of T2's, T1's and GST returns dancing through my head. The person I still do books for, is someone I met through my former employer. As I struggled with the job of winding up the year and preparing for the tax season, I quietly whispered my employer's name and said I needed her help.
I walked away from it all after this desperate plea. When I walked back, it was better. Not a lot. But a little. Bit by bit, I started finding solutions to my problems. I balanced this to that and to the other thing. All the numbers made sense. I had one final question and had an idea. I slept on it, called the taxation department at 5:50 a.m. (7:50 a.m., where their offices are located) and a recorded message told me I could expect a 1-1/2 hour wait. "I have time", I thought to myself and proceeded to count down the next 90 minutes of my life ...
Then, I knew. I was right about this. I didn't need to confirm it. I could move on. And I did.
I wound up everything taxation-related with this business the night before I arrived at my little weekend oasis. I had planned to meet up with the business owner and present her with my final numbers, to get her okay before proceeding. Then I woke up in the middle of that night and thought, since I had all returns complete and final numbers ready to present, just print them all up to PDF files and email them. This was better than presenting her with a bunch of paperwork. She could print off the files, review them in her own time and once okay'd by her, all would be ready to go.
I told my previous employer's friend this little story the next morning. I NEVER, ever wake up in the middle of the night and work at the books. Never. But my previous employer did this regularly. I wonder ... did I wake up and finish up this job by myself? Or was the energy of my previous employer spurring me into action? I said, "I think I had a visit from E last night..." Her friend nodded knowingly and completely agreed with me.
I was one day into my three day weekend and I had visited everyone from my previous work life that mattered. And it was good. It only got better once I started calling my cousins.
I have stepped back into my comfort zone here in my previous home. I'm glad my previous self knew what to ask for, to make life better for my future self. A grounding spot here within the home of my daughter and her spouse.
I am home. I am grounded. I am healing a part of my past self that had been hurting a little. And it is good.
Maybe I don't need that grounding sheet, after all ...
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