Rabbit Holes

I love the ability to check out my shopping options all from the comfort of home.

I have fallen down a rabbit hole this morning, as I have decided I definitely want a small TV for my "Daybed Room". I think I have it narrowed down after checking availability, reviews and best value for my needs.

Then comes my ongoing saga with chemical sprayers. It can't be every sprayer I touch. But it is. I must consider the common denominator. Me. What am I doing wrong? I will try, try again with my existing sprayers before investing in one more ...

Customer reviews are my best friend. When a quarter of the reviews are one star and fifty percent are five star, what does one glean from this perspective? I'm trying to educate myself on ensuring I have the right sprayer for the job and I'm operating/cleaning it properly. I am considering the option of embracing the idea of a weed filled yard.

Then there are the comfy looking capris that popped up on one of my feeds somewhere. I would like to see that modeled by an over 60 year old, filled out, saggy, bulky female model please. I fell prey to an online clothing store that featured moderately plus-sized clothes modeled on a young, taut and fit body. Fool me twice? Shame on me.

Then there are the mattress toppers, offering relief to achy body parts. The initial price looks expensive enough, but exchange that twin-sized pricing for queen and ooo-la-la! Sobering thought. Advil is a cheaper option.

After falling down all-of-the-above rabbit holes over the course of the past 2-1/2 hours, I think I've landed on a TV I want and will trouble shoot my existing weed sprayers before investing in another.

Now ... do I make a special trip into the city for my favored television set or wait until I'm going anyway? That is the million dollar (actually $168 + tax) question.

I may not fall victim to scrolling social media, but this darn internet window shopping certain grabs a lot of my time. On the other hand, in the end, I think I make wiser choices.

Who knows? It's free to look and I love the ability to wander through a variety of different stores without leaving my kitchen table.

Know Thy Enemy

One day to go and April will be behind us. I am unimpressed with the way I count down the days I have at my disposal as "days to be endured". 

I would like to point my finger at Revenue Canada and be angry with them for all the deadlines they impose on me, but I know the due dates a year in advance so my self imposed procrastination is all on me. I now have a full year to work on managing myself in a manner where I will be prepared and deal with the deadlines more effectively. 

Procrastination is my enemy. "Know thy enemy", it has been said. Okay. Enemy is identified. I truly believe I am my own worst enemy. I get in the way of myself nearly 100% of the time.

After spending a good part of the morning rereading some of my writing from seven years ago, it is the same story. Over and over and over ("over" times seven, to be exact) again.

I fall into the same pattern year after year, time after time. I recognized my mind numbing activities seven years ago. 

I am almost certain the sit-in-front-of-the-TV-and-numb habit began the fall of 2011. A fatal combination of events - it was my oldest son's cast off TV ending up in our living room and a new job I had started outside our home that was my undoing. I have vivid memories of parking myself on the couch and not moving for the majority of my off-work hours.

Prior to that, I recognize the cycle of "low grade depression" at the end of winter many years prior. How did I deal with these thoughts before I started numbing them? Writing, cleaning, culling and doing something physical were some of my coping habits. Before the Internet moved into my little weekend oasis, I reverted back to my old ways. "Doing" instead of "numbing" was balm for my soul.

Perhaps my biggest enemy is the Internet and the constant connectivity to the world. Always checking, forever jumping to my phone when I hear an incoming text, the ability to stream movies, TV and almost anything you want to watch online. My psychological connection of TV to mindless eating, compounded by my inability to stay awake unless I'm eating has snowballed to where I am today (with a pair of jeans one MORE size bigger sitting in my Amazon cart).

Before I hit the "Proceed to Checkout" button, maybe I should try a few of my old tactics to see if I can get a few more years out of the size I'm presently wearing. Changing my clothing size is less about vanity and more about finding my inner contentment (again). 

There is a new month on the horizon and I'm eager to step into a fresh new calendar page without a zillion (okay, only a hundred) deadlines biting at my ankles. Maybe I can divert this energy into something better.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” ~ Sun Tzu, The Art of War

The Day the Computer Died

I was enjoying the moment. Finishing my first cup of coffee for the day, savoring the silence of the morning, taking time to be still and read some of the blogs I follow and allowing myself just a little more time before I forged into my Friday.

Suddenly, my computer sighed a momentary last breath. And died. On the spot. Poof. Done. With no battery back-up on this computer, I was certain this was the end.

I surveyed the situation in a manner similar to one's life flash before their eyes in the nanoseconds that followed. I hate to say it, but "Income tax!" was the first and foremost thought that crossed my mind. I have three returns started on this computer and would have to start from scratch. Not the end of the world. 

I pondered the thought of how quickly I could replace the computer. A used computer store had been a very good way to buy a computer for my little weekend oasis. I wondered what they had in stock and how expensive it would be. "It couldn't wait until May's budget, could it?", I wondered as I diligently work to pay off all credit cards to zero at the end of each month.

I wondered if anything on this computer could be salvaged. A computer-guy would have to wait. Replacing the computer was priority. 

It then dawned on me to unplug the computer, plug it back in again and try to turn it on. Amazingly enough, it worked!

My ancient computer slowly regained consciousness, took its time opening closed files and error messages seemed to be appearing out of nowhere. The email program couldn't send/receive emails. All the browser pages reopened but nothing could load. Ahhh! Slowly, I realized it was an internet issue. Not the computer at all.

Being slightly sluggish from the lack of caffeine in my system, I decided to check my work computer. Nope. No internet there either. "Day off!!" was my next thought. Yay!! By the time I made it back into the kitchen, I realized my tax program worked independent of the internet. I could still work on taxes. Relief and disappointment washed over me simultaneously. "All is not lost" and this is a good thing.

As lack of internet signal icon kept catching my attention, I realized it was just past 7 a.m. - too early to start working anyway! When the going gets tough, the tough grab a second cup of coffee and starts formulating a blog post on a Word document. Which brings you up to where I was seven paragraphs ago.

The internet came back up and all systems are "Go!" again. What must have happened, was a momentary power surge which resulted in turning off my computer with 0% battery availability and resulted in the internet having to reboot and restart. All is well enough in this happy little world of mine once again.

I thought it was the end of my computer's life and I didn't fixate on the worst of all outcomes. I just rolled with what I thought it was and carried on.

Is it maturity or exhaustion? I am content to believe my reaction stems from experience and knowing that all material issues such as this are easily remedied.

In the meantime, I'm charging up my phone in case of a power outage and will be calling my friendly neighborhood used computer store to find a replacement for my poor, burnt out and antiquated computer.  

This was a test. It was only a test. 

P.S. I have searched my financial archives and discovered this computer was purchased July, 2014 for the price of $803.00 

(I think I've gotten my money's worth)

Time Warp

Time has a magical way of ticking away no matter if one is sleeping or awake.

I started waking up early enough to give myself two bonus morning hours. The first few days were magical. Every time I looked at the clock, I patted myself on the back. I would have still been sleeping at this time last week. Each extra morning minute was a blessing.

Then life happened.

I started "doing all the hard things" so when my work day began, I had no tasks, phone calls, follow-ups or chores left. I opened my office door and worked with little distraction. I got things accomplished, in and out of that little office.

Then technology failed me.

I have oh-so-many tales to tell. One issue resolved is filled up by the next which had been silently waiting in line. I ticked off the boxes, fixed all I could fix myself and called for help when necessary. What would have buried me back in my early days of "computering" was managed sufficiently. 

Then came the challenges I brought on myself. "Oh no! The dishwasher isn't working right!!" I had forgotten I had run a rinse cycle the last time I used it; changed the settings; fixed. "Oh no! The kettle isn't working either!!" I had forgot to turn it on. "Oh no!! The microwave won't work!!" That one required outside assistance in the form of a might handy son. "Oh no! I can't sign into [something I set up last week]" I was accessing the account from the wrong site. 

Sometimes? We create our own havoc.

Yesterday, all was going according to plan. Until it wasn't. A phone call that was supposed to be a cut and dried answer and fix to my dilemma took an hour before I had to abandon ship and tend to incoming work calls and text messages. 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. So I left.Two prior unsuccessful attempts to make bank deposits for my employer resulted in my decision to make this deposit close to home at (what I thought would be) a time when the bank wasn't busy. A chivalrous young person opened the door for me to enter and I repaid the favor by ensuring they got their place in front of me in the non-existent line. Their turn arrived swiftly. Mine didn't. Ten minutes in line. Five minutes with a new teller learning the ropes. Tick. Tick. Tick.

I had barely left home when the "check engine light" came on. Today? Really? Why do things feel like they compound on an already challenging day?

Another busy day at the office resulted in my mind pinging from one task to the next, fielding tasks which used to fall outside my realm of duty. Talking on the land line, when my cell phone rings is becoming part of my new reality. It happened again. And again. 

Finally, finally, finally!! The end of my day was nearing when I received an important call back in regards to my second job at the EXACT moment my son walked in the back door. I had to abandon (what I assumed would be) a brief face-to-face encounter with family, for the sake of duty.

Sigh.

I toyed with the idea of stopping at the store and picking up some chips at the end of my very long day (made even longer by getting up two hours early!), but talked myself out of it. I just wanted to go home.

How would the day have unfolded if I hadn't gotten up early? How did those hours vanish into thin air? Would I have maintained my sense of peace without those bonus morning hours? Perhaps not.

Even when one grants themselves a little extra time it often gets lost as the day progresses. If something you do brings a sense of calm into what may or may not become a hectic day, do it anyway. You deserve it.

Planned Power Outage Alert

I was informed of a planned power outage between 9:30 and 11:30 a.m. at precisely 7:37 a.m. By approximately 8:38, I had made Impossible Bacon Pie, fried onions (so they would be ready if I decided to barbeque hot dogs for lunch), pealed potatoes for supper and sliced up the remaining onion and celery for tuna sandwiches.

One hour. Meal and lunch prep complete. Dishes washed. House smelling yummy from all the prepared foods.

One hour the day prior consisted of an hour frittered away on the computer, accomplishing little to nothing with my time.

Give me a deadline and I will meet or beat it. Give me all the time in the world and I will take it all and feel the need for more.

I cannot help but think if I knew I had a set amount of time to live, how much more I would accomplish with the finite amount of days at my disposal.

The only thing we know for sure, is that we are all going to die. If we lived our days with that in mind and made the most the moments at our disposal we would soon exhaust ourselves. Living intentionally - to make something of each day we are given sounds reasonable. Then life happens. Distractions can reroute our plans in a heartbeat. 

Perhaps if we manage our distractions to "real life", put down our phones, walk away from the computer and turn off the TV we could live just a little more intentionally. It's worth a try ...

Routines Revised

This morning's routine did NOT work. I will not repeat life this way tomorrow.

The intention: walk, then write. 

What happened: walk; laundry; cat litter & related chores; eating toast at the kitchen table without distractions; hearing a bird I wanted to identify with my bird sound identifier app (i.e. becoming distracted); start a blog post but got too long winded so started all over again; decided my Making a Bed Around a Cat video would be a wiser choice; file too big to share; downloaded an app to shrink video file; saved to my computer and figured out how to speed up playback speed; tried to upload video onto blog but it was the wrong file type; saved video as another file type; blog did not finalize the upload; so tried yet another file type; success at last.

My morning started by walking out the door at 5:45 a.m. It is now 8:59 a.m. I have walked, washed a load of laundry, ate breakfast and come up with a blog post.

Teaser alert: The video finally uploaded but I will not post that blog until tomorrow. 

Tomorrow's routine will consist of writing FIRST, then walking. If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

The next day's goal will be to write about something a little more important than "all of the above"

You're Almost There ...

It has been an interesting week. My goal of getting up an hour earlier than usual has been met with unforeseen obstacles which have hindered my ability to start my mornings with leisurely writing. Here is one more tale of my saga.

I start my mornings by signing into my work computer, checking emails, banking and taking care of any immediate work requirements. I proceed to make my morning smoothie and head into our den to do my online puzzles, check into the blogs I follow, do my own personal banking and utilize any leftover time to stop here to write.

As you can see, my morning routines are pretty wrapped up in the ability to access our internet. This was the message that started yesterday morning:

I panicked. I thought the problem was related to my work computer alone. Then I decided to check my personal computer. Then my WiFi access on my phone. No internet.

Our internet provider also provides our telephone and cable services. I checked the phone. No dial tone. I turned on the TV. Our cable connection was still alive and well.

I called for technical assistance. They weren't open yet. So I did what any logical person would do. I made a cup of coffee and sat down to watch TV. It was the only convenience available to me, wasn't it?

No.

As I sat and savored my coffee, I started counting my blessings. We had power. I had a cell phone to use while our house phone was out of service. There was nothing stopping me from writing but simple lack of motivation. 

A day without internet and a telephone started to take on a whole new look. I could clean up and organize my office files. I could shred my personal documents. I could vacuum the house; wash windows; tend to the weeds that are overtaking the catwalk beside our fence. 

Oh, the things I could do without the outside interference of a telephone and internet connection. I started to feel joyful at the prospects for the day.

But I had to persevere. Telephone and internet access are a big part of my work-from-home requirements. So I continued to call our cable provider every hour on the hour until there was an answer at 7:00 a.m.

I have only applause and praise for the person who answered my call and walked me through the hour that followed. 

Apparently my problem was my problem alone. It wasn't something affecting our area of the city. It was specific to my account. I was promised I would not be abandoned. "Please be patient with me and I will not end this call until your services are restored".

As promised, our call did not end until I had a work-around for every issue (and the issues seemed to compound as our call went on) and I was able to function within my home office as required.

Again as promised, I received a follow up call when all emails were restored, to ensure all my problems were resolved. 

I was in awe of a second incident of Excellent Customer Service within the first half of my work week. I thanked this customer service person profusely and ensured they knew how appreciative I was of everything they did to assist me.

The unfortunate part of my story is the original "You're almost there ..." message continues to be displayed every time I try to access my webmail on a Chrome browser. I've found a workaround solution to the problem but am haunted by the words. 

I have been re-watching the Gilmore Girls for the umpteenth time. I recently watched the episode The Road Trip to Harvard: 

"We're almost there and nowhere near it. All that matters is we're going." ~ Gilmore Girls

Hmmm ... is this yet another sign within the many signs that have been appearing within my life? 

You're almost there ...

Technology Overload

Well? The weekend I was so grateful to find at the end of my Friday last week? The two days of grace I most look forward to even at my advanced age? Poof! Gone. All in a matter of hours, as I dealt with technological difficulties beyond my pay grade.

Saturday afternoon, I spent three and a half hours of trying to remedy my boss's computer from the comfort of my own home. I had utilized every troubleshooting tool I had in my tool kit, made calls to the antivirus tech people, Microsoft tech team and was finally told this issue had to be referred to the next layer of assistance. It was beyond the ground level of help available that day. They could not go any further until Monday. 

I made arrangements to ensure I was at work, in person, first thing Monday morning. My carefree weekend spirit went up in smoke. Poof! Just like that. The heaviness of my work week infiltrated my Saturday.

Sunday was better. I tamped down my anxiety, focused my attention on family, communication and parenting. Other than our fax answering our phone instead of the answering machine (I spent an hour on the phone with our personal printer tech team last week and they finally gave up), the day went off according to plan. I assembled a fairly decent Sunday supper. I got enough sleep. I was fortified by family. I ate well. Then I slept.

I woke up Monday morning to find my own personal computer all of a sudden did not recognize the mouse I have been using. I unplugged it, tried another mouse. That mouse didn't work either. I was instantly transported back to the anxiety ridden emotions that crested Saturday afternoon. Oh no! Not more!! Please no more technological issues!! Please? 

Then I tried plugging the mouse into a different port on the computer and my troubles were resolved instantly. This would prove to be an omen for the day ahead.

Monday morning dictated working outside our home. I made it to the office right on schedule. The first thing I did was unplug the internet router for a minute. The minute the internet connection was restored, all issues were resolved. Now that is a good way to start a week.

I was so fortified by my success that I came home, determined to resolve the fax machine beating the answering machine to the phone. I unhooked the fax machine. Guaranteed success. Right?? Wrong. I'm back to the drawing board again this morning. 

I am growing tired of troubleshooting the technology that has invaded our world. People are NOT meant to have home offices, computers and fax machines living with them in their homes. It is not the natural order of things to have your worst work nightmares move in to stay. 

But ... this is the life I have chosen, desire as much as the pay cheque itself and will continue to do everything it takes to make it work. 

Please excuse me while I make a phone call to our telephone tech team. 

May all your technology work for you today. Happy Technologically Trouble-free Tuesday to you!

Social Media Timeout

One week ago, I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix. I hit my saturation point at the 76 minute mark of the 94 minute documentary. It was too much information and hit far too close to home.

I recognized myself and the mindless hours I fritter away on Facebook. Checking in on the activity of "friends", stopping to watch videos of cats, wildlife, heroic rescues, home organizing tips and the list not only goes on and on, it seems to be growing by the day. 

What I have been watching seems to show up more frequently. What I didn't realize is that different news appears on different people's feeds, depending upon what they "like", comment on, click on or even stop and watch without clicking on anything.

The adage that is quoted at the beginning of The Social Dilemma is that if you are not paying for the product, you ARE the product. If we are getting something for free, beware. What we watch is adapted to what we spend our time viewing. "News" we read is slanted towards our bias. It wasn't a surprise that the ads I see are based on what I am searching on my computer but a lot of the other information was bothersome.

There is an addictive quality to social media. Again, I recognized my own curiosity on who may like or comment on something I may post or comment on. I knew I was scrolling social websites out of habit but I really didn't care. Until I watched this documentary.

I have checked Facebook once this past week. I felt empty and used as I scrolled through the page reading the updates since I last checked in. I have had no desire to check in again. Yet.

I was aware of the drawbacks of social media but I countered the fact with the number of old friends I was able to re-connect with, thanks to Facebook. There was definitely a dopamine surge each and every time I connected with and started corresponding with a friend from long ago. The connections I made were definitely a huge draw but the hours I have spent mindlessly scrolling are completely lost to me. 

I often wonder how I used to accomplish more, feel more creative and inspired. Inviting the internet into our home has gradually eaten up more and more and more of my time. Social media has just been the icing on the cake.

Pre-COVID, I instilled "Technology Free Sundays" into my life. It felt good not to be beholden to an internet or cell phone connection. I was starting to feel liberated. Then came COVID. I lost my desire to disconnect because I craved connection at any cost.

Here it is, Sunday morning. Here I am, spending more time on the computer. 

There went another morning down the rabbit hole of internet searches ... I am aware but I do not seem to be learning. There should be a 10 step program for this. 

"Hello. My name is Colleen. And I am an internet-aholic."

Giving Up Verses Giving In

One of life's most important lessons just may be: "Know when to call for help". This renewed piece of knowledge is brought to you by The Need to Get A New Computer.

This is how I thought the conversation went:

Me: I bought the computer using no other information than what you told us. It has 8 GB of Ram with an Intel processor. It is untouched, still sealed, new in the box, just in case we have to return it. I have never bought a computer before. My Previous Computer Guy always did everything for me and brought it to me when he did whatever had to be done. My boss said to have you take care of setting up the new computer.

Computer Guy: All you need to do is turn it on and let the updates run. That will save me time ...

So that is how I got myself into a situation that was way above my pay grade.

I knew I was in trouble when the absolutely very first thing I did when the computer came to life and asked me the simple question: 

What language do you want to use? "United States - English or Canada - [I didn't stop to read any further - I just knew I lived in Canada so I clicked before I read]"

Warning! Warning! Warning!

Always read before you click!!!!!!!

I clicked "Canada - ________" and apparently the word after Canada must have been French because from that point onward the computer spoke and typed to me in Canadian French.

The day steadily went downhill from there.

The next day, my Computer Guy came to install data from the hard drive which had crashed and our conversation went something like this:

Me: I got myself in way over my head. I've never done this before and I made every mistake known to man.

Computer Guy: That's why I always like to set up a new computer myself.

Me: I thought you said all I had to do was turn it on and let the updates run.

Computer Guy: [after a calm discussion of what he thought he said and what I thought I heard] There is no sense in wondering about what happened yesterday. We can only go forward from here.

Me: So apparently, when the VERY first thing you do is wrong, you quit and call an expert in the field.

Computer Guy: [short version of a very long answer] Yes

Lesson learned. 

I have become as wise as I am due to all the things I have done wrong before I find the right way. My personal motto is "I rarely take a direct route to where I'm going but I always get there in the end." Sometimes? Just sometimes? I need a little help getting there.

All of what I have learned in life has come from doing it wrong before I got it right. Or finally figured out that I should simply give up and/or call for help.

Giving up verses giving in. This ongoing battle will continue to be part of my life story. 

When do we finally get to the part where we are simply wise? I guess when we stop trying new things. I am starting to believe learning is highly overrated.

“Once you stop learning you start dying” 

~ Albert Einstein

A Day Without Multitasking

I read a book  yesterday.

That is all I did. I read.

No Facebook, Netflix, TV or mind numbing diversions.

When you sit down to read a book with actual pages, there is really nothing else you can do. You cannot multitask (though you can eat popcorn and read a book at the same time).

At the computer, I seem to find endless distractions. I want to Google this, that or the other thing. At this very moment, I have five tabs open up in my Internet Explorer screen. My budget spreadsheet is open. So is my email. I'm texting too.

My mind is shooting off in about sixteen different directions at this very moment and I'm ready to close up all these open tabs and finish my book.

I read a book yesterday.

And that is all I have to say about that.

The Day the Computer Died

I was frittering my morning away watching YouTube videos when suddenly the computer died. It just quit. No warning. No fanfare. No bright red boxes indicating a virus had taken control. It just died.

I unplugged the computer cord from the computer. I googled "My computer died" on my phone. I removed the battery. Twice. I unplugged the cord from the computer and walked away.

Hmmm. I wordlessly wondered, "I wonder if that is the end of my computer as I know it?" Then I picked up a book and carried on.

Whimsically, I thought I would call my computer guy on Monday. There was a fair chance files could be recovered. But what if they couldn't? Life would go on. That is that. And I would feel ever so much lighter without carrying around the excess I have amassed on this little computer of mine.

Hours passed. Life moved on. I thought of the computer again and decided to unplug the computer from the wall while I waited for the Computer Doctor's diagnosis.

Then I saw it. The cord was not completely plugged into the wall. In all my attempts to unplug and plug in the computer, I never once checked the outlet on the wall. I was unplugging it from the computer.

I pushed the plug in firmly to the wall and lights started flashing. I turned on the computer and in an instant everything came back to life.

Life is just that simple some times. We complicate matters by overthinking and underacting. Sometimes it is as simple as checking your power source.

It is good to "unplug" and disconnect. It is hard to do this voluntarily but I must admit I was grateful for the hours of computer silence I enjoyed while my computer was out of service.

The day the computer died was destined to be a reflective and quiet one. Then I plugged it in again and all was lost. Even though I knew better. Sigh ...

No lesson to wind up this post. I knew better but I didn't do better. There is always tomorrow.

Rolling With the Times

I'm trying to roll with the times after a little bout of kicking, screaming and whining. I downloaded "Windows 10" last night and after waiting for the system to accept my settings and reboot itself this morning, I don't think I will regret the decision.

The computer at my bookkeeping job was updated to Windows 10. Because it wasn't my computer, I didn't wake up to the prompts to guide and assist me to the settings I needed to change, to make it operate as it had done in the past. I navigated it the best I could, instantly took a disliking to it and never gave it another chance.

Then I woke up one morning and my very own computer had decided to update its system to "Windows 10" while I was asleep. Apparently it was part of an automatic Windows update but I was aghast to find this change take place without my permission. I restored the computer to a previous date to undo this intrusive activity and felt like I had beaten the system.

I googled this travesty and (as it is when you wade through the world of Planet Google) I found many others who shared my frustration over this unasked for and unwanted change. It felt like my computer had been hacked and a change I didn't ask for was being forced upon me. My back was up and I was going to put up a fight. I don't like change. I especially don't like to wake up to discover my computer is fraternising with the enemy.

During my google search, I did read that Windows 10 was actually a good system and there was really nothing to fear or stand up and revolt about. But as these experts in the field dealt with users just like me who did not ask for, want or feel the need for change the discussions, were answering the concerns of those who were of a like mind. And I was one of them.

Then my youngest son rebuilt his computer and took Windows up on their offer of a free upgrade to Windows 10. I waited until he had a chance to use it for several days before I asked his opinion again. Should I update the computer after all?

My son assured me that everything worked as it had in the past. There were a few minor modifications, one of them being able to ask questions. "Something like Siri on the iPad", he explained. Well, Windows 10's "Siri" is named "Cortana". I have been asking Cortana everything on my bookkeeping computer because it was the only search engine I could find on her newly reconfigured computer. Apparently Cortana is pretty smart because I had no idea who he/she was and she directed me down the right path anyway. I guess she doesn't hold grudges against the uninformed and those unwilling to accept change.

Change is inevitable. It is part of living and growing and evolving. When we buck the idea of change, for "change's" sake, I suppose we are opposing the opportunity to grow. The older I get, the faster this world is starting to spin and technology is taking the idea of remaining stagnant out of our hands. Especially when our computers start making decisions on their own while our backs are turned!

Thankfully some things stay the same. My favorite two year old pillow is not working its magic the way it did in its prime. Last night, I was driving by the store where I bought it. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a sales person. The same salesman who helped me out in 2012. Yay! I did not want to waste any time looking. I just wanted "one more of what I had bought in the past". My wish was his command. He typed in my phone number, found a copy of my sales purchase from May 10, 2012 and confirmed that "Yes!" they still have those pillows and how many would I like.

THAT is service, my friend!! Unfortunately the price of the pillows have increased substantially due to the rising cost of the U.S. dollar. My chin dropped to the floor when he quoted the new price. It was crazy. I was about to abandon ship when he offered me the same pillow I had bought two years ago for the same price I bought it for then. Sold!

Now if only that store sold jeans, undergarments and my favorite pajamas. I would love to walk into a store that knew my brand, kept it in stock and honored a two year old price. Oh, to walk into a jean store and say "The usual, please! Make it two!!" It is what my dreams are made of.

We Are Not Alone (just Google it!)

I have a feeling you have the ability to find whatever answer you may be looking for in the land of Planet Google. I can think "I'm the only one questioning this". Then I google my query and find pages upon pages of others who are experiencing the same phenomenon.

Yesterday, I finally remembered to google my hypothesis about my sore wrist. I not only found hundreds of others who came to the same conclusion but I will soon regain about $160 I spent almost six months ago.

I bought a Fitbit to encourage, motivate and cajole me into moving more. For the most part, it placated me and convinced me that my daycare does keep me active enough. I move an average of 10,000 steps a day throughout my weeks and my daycare responsibilities involve lifting "weights" (children). I quickly discovered I did not move enough to justify or burn up the food I ate but that is another story for another day.

A few months ago, I talked with a friend who is also a personal trainer. She set out a challenge for me to walk without children at least three times a week. I decided to do better than that when I consciously decided to make the effort to take better care of the body I live in and took it out for a walk every morning. Until walking started bothering my hands (because I had let them dangle at my sides when I walked for the first few days) and most especially my thumbs. Crazy! Isn't it? Yes, I came home with tingling hands which (I assume) irritated the arthritis I have in my thumbs. My thumbs have not quite recovered from those five days of walking. That was about seven weeks ago.

Every morning, it seemed my thumbs were becoming more tender than the days before. Then my left thumb soon overtook my right thumb and the pain started shooting up my wrist. "What in the world am I doing with my left hand that I am not doing with my right?!" I wondered for at least a week. It got to the point where I couldn't use my left hand to turn off the water faucet. Nor could I lift a cookie sheet full of  fries at the day's end (usually my aches and pains disappear throughout the day). What in the world was going on?

Then one night, I rolled over in bed and a pain shot up my left wrist again. My Fitbit! I took it off and tossed it on my night table and that is where it has stayed ever since. My wrist pain was noticeably better that very same morning. It has to be the Fitbit, I concluded. There must be something within that electronic gadget that communicates with other computer devices that is causing this pain in my wrist.

Then I went about my days and forgot about it. Until I remembered. I googled this phenomenon late yesterday afternoon only to find several forums and discussions about this exact same thing. I was NOT alone! I made a phone call to Fitbit's customer service department and told them my tale. A few hours later, I received an email from Fitbit support and they are going to send a FedEx label so I can return my "problematic tracker" to them for investigation. AND they are going to give me a full refund.

Do you know what is even weirder? Apparently I am not the only one in the world who feels a phantom piece of tape stuck to the bottom of my big toe either. I am either becoming a hypochondriac or else I'm helping my doctor solve my own medical mysteries before they become a bigger problem than they need to be.

It's nice to know I'm not alone in the world and when I start to doubt that, I can just go Google it and find so many others thinking the same. Then again, perhaps my attachment to this electronic gadget called a computer is my biggest problem of all. Maybe I should google that ...

P.S. I had barely pressed the "Publish" button on this post when I went to "quickly" vacuum the carpet before my daycare day got busy. I realized I needed to change the vacuum cleaner bag and then the cover to the vacuum got stuck in the open position. It took almost a half hour of jiggling, wiggling and google searching before I finally found my answer via my best pal "Google". I had to open the lid to the attachment cover which is on top of the vacuum bag cover. And it worked like a charm. Google saved the day. Again!

A New Day

Life feels a little brighter this morning. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and I managed to send off another month's worth of columns. That deadline gets harder and harder to meet with each passing month. As I told my editors, "I think I need to live a more interesting life. Either that, or get very very quiet and see if I can hear the inner stirrings of my mind again. Technology is sure “noisy”, isn’t it??"

There is much truth to that statement.

My life has become very tedious. So tedious that I am placing too much energy on things that don't deserve that much space in my brain. This is a quality within myself that I most want to change. "Do what is within my power to change a situation where I feel powerless" is a motto I adopted since I opened up my daycare. It has served me well but it is getting harder to force myself to summon the courage and energy to do what is within my power.

I had a hard conversation yesterday. I hope it results in a positive change. I felt awful for saying what I had to say but it would have been worse to say nothing and keep forging ahead as if everything was okay. Sometimes we have to admit things aren't okay then take forward steps from that point onward.

The inadequacies I feel when I put off the inevitable become all encompassing and drain every last bit of energy I have left within me. This is not a good thing. Especially when my energy levels are already hovering at a near all time low. Pushing through and submitting my columns should energize me and push me through the month ahead of me. It could if I let it. One hard thing at a time. That is all anyone can do. One more hard thing today and maybe I can gain some momentum.

I crave a little more "interest" within my life but I'm not certain I have the energy to sustain it over the long term. Then again, if I just did one "hard thing" per day maybe I could sustain my energy levels a little better. Then again, maybe if I lived a life I was more interested in living maybe that would create a new found source of energy. A small "Catch 22" perhaps?

I do know one thing for sure. I am far too attached to my electronic gadgets, my ability to watch "Gilmore Girls" on Netflix any time I want and this "Facebook" addiction must go.

In a purely whimsical moment, I updated my profile picture to highlight my "young" back-of-head and back-of-self (only to my waist, of course!!). No face, no wish to go fishing for compliments. I simply thought I was pretty funny (yes, it was late and I was highly caffeinated). The amount of attention that profile picture received was ridiculous. There were (perhaps) two people who appeared to appreciate my humor. Now I'm embarrassed to change it again because I don't want to seem like I need the validation, now that I have changed my mind.

In the meantime, I must sit back and enjoy this day to the fullest. It is officially my last daycare day before my daycare world goes through its next transitional phase. I've called in reinforcements to help me through but I'm not rich enough to pay someone to help me do my job. I'm going to try my best, be open to do what it takes to get through the day and try and conquer this mountain ahead of me. I don't know if I have trained well enough to get to the top. Then again, I hear the descent is even harder than the climb. I haven't "climbed a mountain" lately. I guess it is time to see what I'm made of. This could be good fodder for my writing. We'll see.

Let's just enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself. Okay?

Try, Try Again

I just don't have enough words to share between two blogs these days, so I've been focusing on the one which I have "commitments to meet" and my aim is to try and fill this blog space with words that are left over.

I start writing and then I have to walk away and tend to "life", never to return. I am running behind on my "Daring Greatly" (Brené Brown) course again, so I have been stealing time from the morning to work on that.

I had three very early daycare day mornings last week. I went to bed before the birds more often than not so I could support my waking at 5:00 a.m. habit. So evenings have been a wash as well. Those early morning daycare days did not bode well for writing either.

I walked into this week feeling full and fulfilled. By Thursday, I was running on empty. I wrote a little blog about it over at MyKawartha.com: http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6398163-try-try-again/

Please join me there and I'll be back here just as soon as words and time co-ordinate their schedules and get back to me.

Gremlins Playing Havoc (or was it just spilled coffee?)

I have done enough troubleshooting this past week to last me for a decade or so.

The troubles with my email sending spam mail, ongoing fraud on my credit card and navigating my way through the Credit Bureau's maze of complexity as one tries to find their way not only to a "human", but the "correct human in the correct department" was quite enough on its own. Then there was yesterday.

I think, but I am not entirely sure, that maybe my troubles are over. I am not exactly certain why they began ...

Did they begin because I spilled a little bit of coffee on part of the bottom row of keys on my laptop? It didn't appear so. I wiped up my spill, blew a little canned air into the keyboard to "dry" it. One does some stupid things while in panic mode - that most likely blew any coffee that may have landed inside the computer further into the computer's motherboard ...

Anyway, everything was working fine so I quickly wrote up a blog post, opened up about ten tabs on my browser (as I researched the "Fitbit" and to see if my phone &/or iPad were compatible), started an email, opened up a Word document, an Excel document and heaven only knows what else. My computer was cluttered and busy, then my daycare day walked in and I had to walk away.

By the time I got back to the computer, absolutely every program was frozen. I couldn't do a thing. Alt + F4 didn't work, nothing worked. So I shut down the computer and assumed that would fix all that ailed it. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

When "quiet time" finally rolled around, I turned on the computer and went about my merry way with the intent of continuing where I last left off. That didn't happen.

Every time I clicked anywhere on one of the tabs in the browser, the tab closed. If I tried to open up one of my "Favorites", it would open up in a new tab, then close the second I tried to open it. I googled my problem and one of the suggestions said to go to your "Settings" and check the "sync" button. I couldn't open my settings. I thought maybe the problem was isolated to Windows Chrome, so I tried opening Internet Explorer and the computer would not open the program.

I shut down and restarted, then I could get Internet Explorer to work, but not Chrome. Then my email program started asking for passwords, then it said the "Outgoing Mail" settings were wrong.

"Quiet time" was not long enough to solve my problems. By the time the kids were up and about again, I wasn't sure if the computer had a virus or if the coffee spillage had fried some wires or what was going on.

I came back to the computer last night and warriored on.

I rebooted it again. It would work for a while then mysterious things started happening again. I tried a new mouse. No difference. I could navigate my way to where I wanted to go by tabbing around and the act of "tabbing" seemed to wake something up in the computer and things would be okay for a while. Then it would freeze.

Then, big blue screen appeared warning me "Bug code NDIS driver", then the computer restarted itself. It did this twice.

So I thought since this problem started sometime yesterday morning, I would try a "System Restore" and restored the computer's settings to a previous date. I did this and walked away. I knew it would take a while, but I didn't expect it to take an hour. So I googled that problem. The wonderful thing about "googling" is that you discover you are not alone. The terrible thing about google is when it tells you the worst case scenarios: "It has been 48 hours since I did the system restore and it is still not working". Answer: "Shut down your computer and reinstall Windows from your disc" Reply: "I don't have a Windows disc because it came with the computer; Windows 8 discs are impossible to find" and so on and so forth.

Anxiety levels were starting to rise. There was nothing I could do but go to bed and call my Computer Doctor in the morning. Then something caught my eye as I tried to make myself walk away. The computer restarted itself and was working again! Well "working" was a relative term because it was still acting a little bit odd (I could not get my email program to work, then it did, then it didn't) but that was the least of my worries.

My only consolation was that I knew I could still access my files so all was not lost. I hooked up my back up device, set the computer to back up all of its files then went to bed. And slept.

My brain turned off and my eyes remained closed tight until 5:00 this morning. I woke up with the computer on my brain but I laid still and just absorbed the calmness of our cats as they rested within eye's distance from me. Then I got up and started to tackle the rest of my back up solution.

The first thing I did was turn on my email program. All was working just fine! I downloaded all of my "important" files onto a USB stick and copied them onto my trusty little netbook. I thought if my computer ends up in the "doctor's office", I would want access to my files.

I have been skitting from one thing, to the next, to the next, to the next for two and a half hours now and whatever issues the computer was having yesterday seem to have resolved themselves. And I have the added peace of mind of knowing my files have been backed up and all would not be lost if anything new happens today.

There is a common denominator here. All of my "security issues" concerning my email is due to my on-line gadding about. The security breach on my credit card has to be related to an on-line purchase at one time. The source of all my woes this week are coming from this little black box in front of me. Yet I just keep on clicking away at these keys.

It seems to me (now) that yesterday's computer woes are probably related to my coffee spillage and (fortunately) twenty four hours seems to have been all it took to restore things to where they once were.

Or was it the fact that I did restore the computer's settings back to an earlier date? That was the last troubleshooting effort I took at the end of a very long list of everything else I could think or find to do.

Or has the gremlin who is responsible for my email and credit card fraud infiltrated my computer? This is the first thought I had before I remembered that I had spilled some coffee onto the bottom row of keys on my laptop.

All of the above has reminded me of how vulnerable we are in this highly connected world of the internet. When everything works, it is nothing short of miraculous. When things start to fail, it could become catastrophic in the blink of an eye. I am but one person. What if there was a global attack on this thing we call the "internet"? I think I'm going to run for cover, lock the doors and turn out the lights. But you can be sure of one thing ... I'll be bringing my smart phone with me.

Technical Difficulties

This post is coming to you from "Jet" this morning

(while I continue to deal with ongoing credit card fraud and email hacking issues).

Unfortunately he did little more than bring up a scary looking box to the right of my blog post screen

(which will probably lead to more technical difficulties as the day progresses).

But I did save what he typed when he closed my credit card transaction screens and tried signing back in. It was (something to the effect of: "////////////////////////////*/////////"

The little "hacker"! Maybe my fraudster(s) are walking around my very own home wearing black, furry coats!

Technology Overload

After a six hour mental work-out of my brain, I found myself feeling a tad overwhelmed with the technology at my fingertips. As it is with most things, when everything works it is wonderful. When the dominoes start to fall and it feels like technology is taking you places you never wanted to go, it is quite another.

I wrote a little blog about it over at MyKawartha:

http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6256293-technology-overload/