One Step at a Time

My long-awaited, ready-to-build cabinet was delivered yesterday. Lucky for me, it was my day off so I was home to receive it and build it. All in one day. No procrastination, no time to feel overwhelmed. I just did it.

The first thing working in my cabinet's favor was it was too heavy for me to get it upstairs. I tried. It had to go upstairs in pieces. As I emptied the box, I checked to ensure all 37 pieces plus hardware were all there. They were. 

I looked at the daunting 15-step-process to build the cabinet, with the parts and pieces all accounted for, organized on the bedroom floor. No words. Simply diagrams. I thought "one step at a time", I will take it one step at a time and I will be further along than I am at this moment.

I hit a snag when I couldn't figure out how to separate the drawer rails by the pictures alone. I searched the Internet for assistance. All I found was an online version of the instruction manual I already had. I enlarged the diagram to look for more clues. Then I took a break.

After my break, I broke the code. The pieces came apart in my hands and I had no idea exactly what I had done. Eventually I got a few more apart. Thankfully I had 10 opportunities to figure out what I was doing and how I was doing it. I thought this could be important information when it came time to reuniting these pieces.

I carried on. One more step at a time. I was nearing the end when I couldn't get the bottom piece on properly. I was this close:

Time for another break.

Eventually I got the bottom piece securely fastened and closed the gaps that had been present before.

 

Ta da!!!

Mission accomplished. Nothing else of value was accomplished with the day but I did it. One step at a time.

As it is with the challenges we meet in life, ONE step at a time is a good direction to take. One forward step takes you one step further than you were before.

Feeling Like Home

Since we got possession of our little oasis, I have spent five out of six weekends there. The weekends have been seasoned generously with family, work-around-the-house-and-yard, regular meals and a little rest & relaxation.

This time felt different. 

I arrived Friday night at around 8:15. I wandered around the house and yard, then started picking a few weeds. I picked weeds and then transferred my ambition to the peeling paint on the back door frame. I picked and scraped and puttered for quite a while. It didn't feel like work. It felt good.

Time passed easily. The next thing I knew, the sun was setting and I took Mother Nature's cue and called it a day.

I awoke at 5:00 a.m. the next morning and went through my morning routine. I made my breakfast smoothie and had a cup of coffee. I altered my routine by doing ONE thing differently. I changed out of my pj's and wore yoga pants and a comfy top instead. That way, I could sit outside and feel dressed. 

This also provided one unexpected bonus. Instead of sitting still, I started sanding the door frame I had scraped the previous night.

One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, the day was done and I was ready to call it a day. I showered, walked over to the grocery store and soaked up all the cool, air conditioned air I possibly could, picked up a few vegetable courses for my meal and came home.

I sat down at the end of the day and felt good. So good. So good, that I had a repeat performance of productivity levels the next day.

I spent the bulk of my weekend in the yard. Puttering. One task led to another, then another and then some more. I ran out of weekend before I ran out of work.

"Before"

(actually after the deck was cleaned up enough to stain)

After

Three neighbors came over and introduced themselves. I'm so glad we moved in the summer. Being outside makes it so much easier to be neighborly. Plus, I was busy working and sweating so there was no expectation of looking "good". I am who I am, crazy hair, frizzled with humidity, old clothes and adorned simply by the glow of a sense of "happy" that feels better than any makeup I've ever worn.

This is the first weekend I didn't see a family member but neighbors stepped up and stepped in to fill the void. It felt like the world was telling me "Family is good. Friendly neighbors are all around. Just look up." One of my new neighbors even told me of all the connections I already have within this community. 

I feel full to the brim. I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be and heading in a direction I was destined to find.

I feel like I'm home. 

Time Well Spent

A subconscious thought planted in my mind Monday morning may or may not have made the difference to the way I have approached this week.

Perhaps I have been more productive because the groundwork had already been laid. The tedious, hardest part of a job was done so when I had to "wrap it up", it didn't take long. I had time left over to tackle another quarterly job. Again, because I was already caught up on the prelimary work, it was not hard to complete the task set out before me.

I tend to believe I spend a lot of time "spinning my wheels" within this home office of mine. I may be wrong about that.

Time spent organizing and finding a place for everything and everything in its place means I don't lose time searching for things. I do NOT have a filing box. I simply put things where they belong so I don't have to waste time looking. It takes less than a minute to file a paper in its proper spot. Those are seconds well spent.

Jobs in progress have been laid out on my working table. Even though it looks like a bit of a disaster zone, there is a place for everything and everything in its place. When I needed to find the answers to questions, it took but a moment to find what I was looking for. I may (or may not) have dazzled my boss by putting my finger on the answers so effectively.  

I procrastinated all weekend. I admonished myself for not working on "the big job" that has been haunting me for longer than I care to admit. I lost a night of sleep over this job but I refused to get up at 2 a.m. and work on it because there is a time and a place for working. The middle of the night is NOT that time. 

The following day was Friday. Due to the fact that work had me tossing and turning all night, I did NOT have any desire to work the next morning. I went into the office. I started. I was easily distracted. When unexpected guests arrived, I welcomed them and the excuse to put off working. "I'll work tomorrow instead," I told myself. I lied.

I didn't work Saturday. I opened the office door Sunday in an attempt to entice myself into the work zone on my day off. But I didn't enter. What I DID do, was subconsciously map out my plan of attack. I knew what had to be done and how I was going to tackle it. Monday morning, I was armed and dangerous.

I've been ticking off boxes of things-that-need-to-get-done quickly and efficiently this week. I even tackled an off-site job yesterday and it went so much better than anticipated. 

My motivation to "clear the deck" of all the hard things this week has served me well. I still have several 95% complete jobs sitting out in my work space, with only two days left to tie up the loose ends.

There is no end to the work which is piling up behind this current state of completed-ness. It was starting to pile up before this week of productivity. My clear work space will be filled with more work and challenges ahead. 

I have spent a lot of time belittling myself for not working as efficiently as I expect of myself. I have not given myself credit for time spent doing the work that doesn't show in preparation for the big jobs that overwhelm me. 

As I write this, looking back in my rear view mirror, I am seeing a parallel between my bookkeeping work and a home renovation. Renovations begin with an idea. A spark. A plan. This could take years to formulate, depending upon the scale of work. Once the plan is set in action, there is SO much work to be done before any new work begins. Demolition, removing "what is", preparing the work area for "what is to come", the dirty unappreciated work that is beneath the surface. Preparation feels like 90% of the job. Then comes the renovation itself. Every step along the way is laid out in preparation for the steps to follow (and there are many). Renovations feel endless. 

A successful renovation begins with preparation. Time invested in planning, mapping out a strategic course of action and getting the hard, dirty work behind you is time well spent. By the time you reach the 95% mark, there is still work to be done. 

I'm at the 95% mark now. I'm in the home stretch. I feel like a marathon runner who is getting that last surge of energy to make it to the finish line. I'm almost there ...

The hardest part was beginning. Starting is often the hardest part. But don't forget to give yourself credit for time spent in the preparation phases. The pauses in life are sometimes exactly what we need. 

Yesterday

I had barely written the words: "The windows are dirty, the edging around the lawn could be done, there are weeds to pick, cat hair to vacuum" yesterday morning, when my Youngest Son woke up and took half the chores off my to-do-list, creating the time, motivation and energy to do some of the hard things I have been putting off.

I sweated. I got dirty. I was outside for hours on end. I physically worked. And it was good.

I achieved exactly what I hoped for at the end of my words yesterday. I cleared the slate for the onset of a weekend. 

Thoughts other than math equations, balancing and accounting wafted in and out of my mind. It felt a little bit wonderful to work outside my home office. I will definitely do this more often.

Life is all about balance. I need to balance the numbers with words, the words with thoughts, the thoughts with new input. I woke up this morning with a very good yesterday behind me. I am so ready for a Saturday. 

To be continued.

I'm Ready for a Math Holiday

All I have been doing lately is working. Work. Work. And more work.

In my quest to "catch up", I have discovered that keeping up to date in the bookkeeping world is as elusive as the never-ending-always-feeling-behind-sensation I felt when I worked at a grocery store bakery.

There was seemingly no end to the baking that needed to be packaged, labelled, restocked, then culled. Keeping up with the demand (or lack of) fresh baked goods was an ongoing and endless task. I hated that job. I hate to use the word hate. But I did. There is no satisfaction within a job where you are ALWAYS behind.

Enter the work-from-home scenario I have found myself living these past many months. Catching up was something I could now accomplish now that my bookkeeping work lived with me.

That was an overwhelming and debilitating thought. Until I started tackling one big job at a time. "If only I can get 'this' done. Then I'll be caught up. But I still have to do 'that'. THEN I'll be caught up. But I still have to do 'the other things'. Then the phone or doorbell rings and I have four new pile of things-to-be-done." And so on and so forth.

I have shuffled a few mountains. I have not moved them. I have simply organized them, sorted them by date, created a spreadsheet to compile all information and now my work sits in four piles and a big, cloth grocery bag awaiting answers I need to complete the tasks at hand. So I have moved one mountain into four molehills and one very big hill.

I've been working with numbers day in and day out. I'm ready for a break. Better yet, I'm ready for a cat day. Not much is stressing out our miniature black panthers.

 

The Joy of Working

It has been an incredibly productive week here in my home office. .

I have tended to monthly and quarterly tasks. I have successfully called three different departments at Revenue Canada and not only did I not have to hold, each and every question and concern I had was addressed, answered and solved within a ten to fifteen minute call. 

As I tidied up the clutter of the month, I had time left to work on a few of the lingering jobs that have been taking up space on my work table and in my mind. It is amazing what energy comes from cleaning the work slate on a few levels.

I feel more energetic and I do believe I have the motivation required to get me through one of the bigger tasks I have left to tend. I can envision the space created within my work week once that job is complete. 

I woke up with ambition this morning. The motivation that is bubbling up inside of me is taking me outside my home office door and I am seeing the light.

Since COVID-19 arrived on the scene, I have been doing little more than tending to my own self preservation.

I have not been a supportive friend or family member. I have not been reaching out. I have been hunkering down and managing my own little world.

I have not taken on any COVID projects, big or small. I haven't cleaned a closet. I haven't reorganized our home ... except maybe I did a just a little. The weekend our new book shelves were installed was definitely a Coronavirus highlight. But the weight of the work within my office-with-a-door has been weighing me down and holding me captive to the responsibilities lying in wait.

I have not found time in this "isolation" to dig deep, go quiet, hear my inner voice guiding me where I need to go next. 

We are almost four months in to our changed world and I have yet to feel isolated. 

When stay at home recommendations arose on the scene I thought this was exactly the kind of holiday I have always hoped for. Time off work with no where to be but home. It was a dream come true. Then my work moved in with me and it has taken us four months to establish healthy boundaries and come to terms with each other.

Now that I finally know my roommate a little better, I am finally in a place to settle in and enjoy being home. Just in time for the world to open up again. 

Do you ever feel like you are always ten steps behind the times? Me too. 

Multitasking

Multitasking - the art of successfully accomplishing multiple tasks at the same time. At one point, I considered myself an efficient multi-tasker. 

I hit my stride during my daycare days. I could serve lunch to a table full of pre-schoolers, feed the babies two at a time, refill plates of the toddlers, catch something before it hit the floor, watch over table manners and behaviour, while eating my lunch at the same time. 

I ran a well oiled machine here in those days. There was much to be done and only one person to do it. No choice. No problem. 

I didn't have time to think. I simply had time to act. I did what had to be done. 

Fast forward to the present. I now have a very difficult time asking a question and listening to the response in the appropriate time it takes a person to have a conversation. My attention span is that of a gnat. I have much to do and nothing seems to be getting done. 

This morning I turned on the news to watch a recap of Trudeau's COVID-19 update. I haven't watched the news for several weeks so I was amazed with the changes since I last tuned in. Not only do they have one person in the corner communicating in sign language, they have a second person in the other corner signing different hand gestures, while a third narrator is translating French to English.

What?!

Is there one sign language for French and another for English? I guess I assumed sign language was universal. I must be wrong. How in the world do they listen and translate simultaneously? I have tried listening to two people talk at the same time and hear neither. These people are listening, speaking, signing and are able to keep up with what is being said while translating what they just heard.

Color me impressed.

They suggest learning to dance, playing a musical instrument, taking different routes to your destination and doing crosswords as exercises to keep your brain functioning at its best. I'll bet these translators could do all three of the above at the same time and beat me to my destination. I'd love to see the neurotransmitters firing as they manage to listen, interpret, communicate and continue to listen at the same time. Their brains must be on fire.

I am grateful when someone doesn't ask me to repeat something I just heard. I don't gossip because I don't remember enough to retell a story. I don't change where I put something, nor do I do I hide something of value because I'm afraid I will never find it again.

Whatever you do, don't ask me what Trudeau may or may not have said in yesterday's news. I was too busy marveling at the efficiency of each of the translators. Meanwhile, I was thinking of Mom's comment when Trudeau was up for election. She said (something to the effect of) that he would get her vote because of the way he looked. Of all the things to be grateful for during this global pandemic, isn't it nice to have a rather good looking prime minister to look at while you tune into the morning news? 

Now what was I just writing about??

Some Assembly Required

I picked up groceries bright and early this morning and felt just a tad overwhelmed at the task set out before me. "What was I thinking? Buying all of these 'ingredients'!" I sighed and thought to myself "Some assembly is required ..."

We have been existing on easy-to-assemble, pre-made, frozen meals much of this COVID season. I patted myself on the back, marveling at how little we were spending on take-out. I could have lived like this forever but I do not live alone.

So I bought some better groceries this time around. Yes, some assembly was required but it will be well worth the effort.

Then I thought of the weekend past. It was definitely a weekend where some assembly was required.

My Middle Son had designed, constructed and delivered a custom bookshelf. But it was not yet in its final destination. Some assembly was required.

I thought the hard part had been done. And it had. But it still took many hours to ensure it would bear the burden of the weight of Mom's library of books. A few adjustments here, there and probably somewhere else. The need to move and re-glue a few pieces of trim. Paint touch ups. Caulking. A top shelf. More painting. Baseboards. It was a full day's work.

After my son finished his part, I had the fun job of filling the shelves. I should have taken a picture of all the bins of books. I just kept sighing ... there were so many books. Yes, I had the fun part. But due to my state of feeling easily overwhelmed lately the task felt daunting at first.

Some assembly was required.

Then I woke up the next morning with my thoughts firing on all cylinders. I could move these books here, those there and the other ones will fit into the completed unit.

Then ... if I could enlist some help, maybe I could empty my office to create the room for the desk and folding table we have downstairs. My Youngest Son accepted the challenge and he was my partner in recreating a renewed office space. More disassembly AND reassembly required.

I shuffled things around until they felt like it created a organized work space. Then I worked for several hours just to test the theory. It felt so incredible to work in this space. I can't believe I didn't do this before.

I have been going through the paces. Marking time. Crossing days off the calendar. Doing what has been required. Earning a pay cheque. Paying bills. Eat, sleep, work, eat some more, watch my current DVD favorite TV series, eat to stay awake, sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Daily.  Nothing was terribly wrong. But nothing was terribly right either.

Then came the weekend where "some assembly was required". Thankful for my sons who did 99% (maybe 100%) of the assembly, I am reaping the benefits.

I am wandering through our home appreciating every nook and cranny. I love the way our home feels. Mom's room has turned out exactly as I had envisioned it. My office is "my room" and it is coming together in a way I can visualize working-from-home as a viable retirement plan.

Sometimes, life does take a little assembly. As a general rule, it is well worth the effort.

Slow Motioned Multitasking ~ Tim Harford

I may have stumbled onto something that works for me. "Slow-motion multitasking" as outlined by Tim Harford in this Ted Talk: "A Powerful Way to Unleash Your Natural Creativity" 

Tim advises using cardboard boxes to hold onto your ideas, inspirations and thoughts so you don't lose track of them. Hold them in a space and come back to them later. It's okay to have multiple projects on the go. Slow track them. Don't lose your train of thought. Collect all your thoughts and ideas in a box and come back to it later.

Slow motion multitasking. I like it.

Boxes to hold onto thoughts, information and data you want to come back to at a later date. Sounds like a plan.

This feels akin to organized confusion but it calmed me to think of my overwhelmed state of mind in this light. I collected some boxes and hopped right on this bandwagon. It feels right to collect my "seeds of inspiration" in this cozy room I quietly refer to as Mom's room.

This room has been begging to be used for a very long time now. I do believe I'm onto something good.

Priority Lists

I seem to have a mental block against the idea of to-do-lists these days. The very wording "to do" feels demanding, unrelenting and bossy. I have decided to call my list a "priority list".

I did not write such a list this weekend. But I did what was important, spur of the moment and time sensitive.

I had priorities. I simply didn't write them down, thus I could not cross them off a list.

I had telephone conversations that mattered with people I care about and that time was wisely invested. Check!

I hosted some choose-your-own gift shopping experiences and turned one of my most detested jobs (shopping) into an outing and a gift. There was a meal tossed into each gift experience. This has been my best gift-giving idea and I received a gift in return. All I had to do was issue the invitation and I received the gift of giving, conversing and a shared meal to boot. Check! Check! Check!!

I got together with a friend who is a spur-of-the-moment, if-it-works-for-you-and-it-works-for-me at the same kind of friend. After a few thwarted attempts, yesterday happened to work out for both of us. This was truly a gift to myself. Check!

I watched The Sound of Music in the middle of the day, so I could stay awake and savor the experience. That is all I did for three solid hours. I love the way that movie makes me feel and the memories it brings back. Watching a movie in the middle of the day is pure indulgence. It was wonderful. Another gift to myself.

Yes, I have a mental list of all the things I could have and should have done. I feel badly that I didn't cook, clean or tackle any of the many tasks I could have tended around here. I could have done any number of those tasks during the time it took to watch The Sound of Music. But I didn't. I could spend my energy shaming myself for another weekend of wasting my time. But I won't.

Instead, I shall make a priority list. I will do what is important first. Then I shall carry on with what is either next in line of importance or be willing to put it aside for that which time will not wait for.

Those conversations, experiences, visits and time to simply catch my breath are CPR for my soul. Chores can wait. Life can't.

Sometimes ... A Weekend is All You Need

I had a thoroughly restful and relaxed weekend after a week of dealing with a bookkeeping challenge which I had hoped to bring to a close by the end of Friday. I failed.

I apologized to my boss, told her I truly believed I would get to the bottom of things before the week ended but showed her my progress and knew I was on the cusp of solving the great number mystery which has had us scratching our heads for longer than I care to admit.

I woke up yesterday morning, thinking of the progress I made last week, I came up with a plan of attack and I was ready to roll when I walked in the door yesterday morning. She woke up at a similar hour of the morning thinking very parallel thoughts. I don't know whose thoughts invaded whose in the wee hours of the morning but I apologized (again) for "waking her up" at such an ungodly hour with my extra sensory perception which crossed planes with hers at the same time.

We were both of like mind when I presented my case, told her my plan and she simply said, "Do it! It has to get done. It sounds like you are on the right path."

I did it. And it is done. Finally.

I ran my hypothesis up against a copy of the company's books so I didn't harm any of our existing records. All that needs to be done now, is to transfer this knowledge into our company's permanent files and the deed is done.

I filed last week away in my mind and didn't labor over the challenges yet unmet over the course of the weekend. I have the ability to compartmentalize like that. I know. It is a gift. It doesn't always work but when it does, I feel like I'm gifted with the ability to "Do my best at the time. Then let it go. Until next time".

I woke up after the weekend and I was ready to solve what had not been solved before. Sometimes? A weekend is all you really need.

Making the Most of the Day

I'm winning the game of "Saturday" this morning. In fact, I think I'm rocking it.

By this time last week, I had only been up and about for an hour, written my morning pages and was most likely on my second cup of coffee. The day went downhill from there. It was a Netflix marathon and a day of mindless nothingness which resulted in turning down an invitation because I didn't feel like getting cleaned up enough to go out in public. Epic fail.

This morning, I was up at my preferred weekday waking time and according to our hallway motion detector, I was up and moving by 5:19 a.m.

Early mornings and ONE defined goal are game changers for me. Today's goal was offering to give a friend a ride at 1 p.m., so everything I hoped to get done has a deadline. Thus, I accomplished more this morning than I have managed to do all week.

It is 9:16 a.m. and I have colored my hair, washed my bedding, showered and washed a second load of laundry. I have written my morning pages and completed all my word and number puzzles. I am presently waiting for a load of laundry to dry so I can head out and see if the stone chip in the car's windshield is repairable.

Car maintenance has been dominating my thoughts so I am taking one step in a forward direction. I hope they can fix the stone chip but plan B is to replace the windshield. It will cost four times more to replace the windshield but if it is necessary I will bite the bullet. The windshield is so pitted that driving into the sun is dangerous. Decision made. Second big decision is tires. I have snow tires in the garage. I was not impressed with them the first winter I drove my car. I will take these tires to my friendly, neighborhood garage, see what they advise and move forward from there. Decisions made. The goal is to spend as little as possible on this 17+ year old car, but safety is priority.

There are a few errands to be run and then a trip to the library is going to be my "Artist's Date" with myself and for myself. There is a fairly new restaurant in our neighborhood I would like to try out so that is how I hope to wind up the day. By that time, I should be open to inviting someone to come along with me. 

My mindless morning writing has made it painfully obvious what I need to do to clear the clutter from my mind. Tending to the car and tending to myself keep coming up each and every morning. I don't want to write the same pages again next week.

I love waking up to a Saturday but what I enjoy even more, is waking up to a Sunday where all the "hard things" have been done. I hope Sunday turns out to be a day of feeling social, reading and staying away from all my bad habits that are mind numbing. One step at a time.

I love how I feel this morning! Waking up and having a plan is a wonderful thing. Feeling in control of the day feels powerful and reassuring at the same time. I don't love when my days control me. I like when I wake up before the sun and steer the day in a direction that has some purpose.

Hello Saturday, my old friend!! I hope to make the most of this day

Two Hours

I got off work two hours early yesterday and it felt like I gained a day.

I not only had time to run an errand on my way home but I was home in time for supper. Energized by being home so early, I did a load of laundry, vacuumed the basement, cooked up some chicken and tended "cat chores" to make this morning run a little smoother.

It was so easy to hop out of bed this morning without "all of the above" looming over my head and beckoning to be done before I left for work today.

It feels good to wake up to a clean slate. This morning was all about list-making and getting everything that needs to be done before the weekend, done.

There are so many loose ends to tie up. At home and at work. It was a very good day to have two extra hours at my disposal.

For me, ambition often results in more ambition.

What did I do with all the nooks and crannies this morning? I cleaned our square kitchen sink [side note: if you use your kitchen for more ornamental and serviceable purposes, I don't know if you may want one for regular kitchen usage]; I cleaned the crevices of our printer; I sorted/organized our freezer foods a little; I washed another load of laundry; and basically started crossing a few things off my list of tomorrow's things-to-do list.

It seems to matter not, what time I try to create for myself in the morning, I can fritter it away like nobody's business [hmmm ... if it's nobody's business, why am I writing about it?].

I love my mornings. This morning was especially enjoyable due to the two bonus hours I had at my disposal yesterday.

How can we create those "bonus hours" for ourselves? Perhaps that is why some stay up late at night and others get up earlier in the morning. Maybe that is why we sleep in, run late and rush to do too many things in too short of a time period.

If we don't intentionally create the time we need, we make do in other ways.

For me, getting up early is where it's at. But the gift of two unexpected hours off of work is a gift like no other. I'm glad I didn't waste it.

Balancing to Zero

I wiped our white board clean yesterday. Ever since I got the great idea of  maintaining our house's exterior this spring, there has been (what has felt like) an eternal list of people coming and going to tend to our home's needs. As of yesterday, we are DONE.

One quiet Monday in April (April 29th to be exact), I started making inquiries. Sixteen weeks later, it is done. Over. Complete.

There is nothing that pleases me more than to clean off the eternal to-do-list on that white board. Now I can fill it up with the fun stuff which awaits.

Other than donating blood in four days, my list now includes: a play; a few weekend retreats at my son's farm; a sibling trip; an out of town writing workshop; an out of province birthday celebration; and yet another play. Each one of these events is sprinkled generously with a good balance of friends, solitude, family, creativity and celebration.

As much as I know I will enjoy each and every one of these occasions, there is still a part of me that is looking forward to "wiping the slate clean" again.

I have over extended my spending allowance. As good as it felt to wipe our white board clean, I am more anxious to pay off each and every one of these expenditures and bring the amount owing to zero.

Now I just have to wipe my debt clean and I can start all over again.

It's all about "balancing to zero". I guess I was destined to work with numbers. They rule my life.

What is your balancing point? I believe we all have something that drives us and pushes us into and through our lives. I truly believe life is all about checks and balances. Keeping the work to play; the socializing to solitude; and all other factors in life in balance keeps one walking a straight line. Too much of any one thing is not ideal.

May you find what brings your life into balance. If not today, some day soon ...

Yesterday

What happened to the weekends I wasted away doing a lot of nothing? I don't know if I miss them or if this whole "sense of accomplishment" thing is becoming addictive.

My original plan was to be on holidays this week. My hope was to have all the house/yard exterior maintenance complete so I could simply sit back and admire where things are at.

I had visions of the house and garage exteriors being taken care of, sitting back and seeing nothing but the unstained deck and dead grass. Well, Mother Nature did her part and the grass is holding its own. So I kept up my end of the bargain and did my part too.

The deck (I decided a second coat was required) is done. Again.

I picked up some deck revival product to prepare the fence boards for staining. I decided to try out the product on a weathered eleven year old bench we have. I should have taken a before picture. But I didn't. Here is the "after" shot. It looks brand new again: 

Fueled with enthusiasm from this successful project, I decided the gate and small fenced area by the back door would be a manageable task. Here is a before/after picture of what this product can do. The dark grey section between the gate and the rest of the fence is what the entire area looked like before:

Here is the completed job outside the yard. Ready, waiting and thirsty for a coat of stain:

I came in at the end of a long day outside, made supper, had a shower and vacuumed cat hair. There was a time (perhaps last month) when a day like this would most definitely be an excuse not to cook. What is happening to me?!?

If only I was on holidays this morning, I could simply sit back and admire the efforts of a rather productive long weekend. Holidays? I am so ready for you. Maybe next weekend.

Think Horses, Not Zebras

It has been a productive week. It's amazing what adding a few hours onto the end of one's day can produce.

I stained the entire deck in the after supper &/or after work hours of the past week. I didn't have to go to my second job yesterday so I put in some extra hours at my first job and accomplished so much.

I have woken up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep for three straight nights. All work related. I was certain last night my mind would be at rest and I'd sleep through the night with ease. I was wrong.

I left work with two unsolved mysteries. One of the mysteries was where in the world did I put something I just saw a few days ago?

I worked through and filed away almost everything in my basket. I went through everything page by page. Nothing.

I recreated what was missing to the best of my ability. But I was still missing a letter that arrived by mail (a person certainly gets accustomed to having access to an email back up copy of things). I was mystified and disappointed.

"Where did I put it?!?" I lamented to my boss. She reassured me that it was here somewhere. Nothing walks out the door but some days it sure feels like there is a gremlin in our midst as something we just had in our hand disappears in plain sight.

The entire week felt like a blur. I dealt with month end and quarterly types of deadlines. Payroll, GST, reconstructing an account, tail ends of an enormous task that has overtaken our weeks and so much more. All I could think, is that I must have accidentally picked up this paperwork and accidentally filed it away with something I had been working on this week.

"I just had it in my hands!" What did I do with it?

I would come back and look another day. Hours after my usual quitting time, I packed it up and headed off into the weekend. Not a bad day at the office. But those two unsolved mysteries plagued my sleep last night.

Then ... POOF!! The moment my eyes opened for the day this morning, I knew where the missing paperwork was. I filed it where it belonged. I remember thinking "I don't want to lose this so I'll file it so it doesn't get misplaced."

Who would have guessed? Look in the file.

Sometimes the hardest questions have the simplest of answers.

As they say on Grey's Anatomy: "We teach residents, when you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras. It means that the most obvious answer is usually right."

Ahhh!! It has been a busy and fulfilling week. I am going to pour myself a second cup of coffee and enjoy a quiet morning at home.

Spent

Visions of staining, washing windows and lawn mowing filled my thoughts during my restless sleep last night. So much to do. So little weekend. I got up at 5:30 in the hopes of squeezing everything into one day.

I gave myself the gift of the morning to do what I wanted to do, breathe easy and take what I needed from the morning. It was lovely. Three hours of morning time is my daily norm. I have been lacking normalcy this past week. Three hours felt lovely.

After the clock struck the end of my three hour hiatus it was only 8:30. The hardware store which stocks the miracle deck painting brush opened at 8:30. I was there.

Deck staining was to be done in the shade. Our deck isn't shaded until late afternoon so I started the day by washing windows. Scraping paint off said windows and window casings took a little added time and made me ponder the idea that professional painters should offer to wash windows after their work is done.

Window washing has been long overdue around here. It feels wonderful to have squeaky clean windows. Ahhh!

Then came the lawn. I have shirked lawn mowing duties around here for two weeks so I felt it was my turn to step up to the lawn mower. And I did.

Pulling weeds, sweeping up paint chips and scraping off plaster/crack-filler off the driveway took the last of the energy I had. Rain is in the forecast within the next 24 hour period so I was relieved to stroke "stain the deck" off today's roster of events.

I don't accomplish what I used to in a day. I feel slow and sluggish. I look at our five year old cat who moves slowly and sluggishly and I see "me". This same cat can't jump 6 ft fences in a single bound any more. He can't even jump onto the 3-1/2 ft deck railing without engaging his front claws and using his back legs to climb up. He uses the top ladder rung when jumping onto the decking of the kid's play centre we have in the back yard.

I was telling my son that our cat reminds me of myself. "Maybe he has arthritis," I added wistfully. My son just chuckled and said, "No, he's gained a lot of weight." Oh. Me too.

I share an affinity with our Junior Cat in residence. We've both slowed down prematurely. We've both packed on extra poundage. We both love leisurely cat days.

Who's to argue with that. I accomplished enough for one day. The evening is mine, to do with as I please. I do believe it pleases me to laze around with the cats. My 5 a.m. mornings are catching up with me.

Empowered After One Cup of Coffee!

I was pretty slow on the draw this morning. I didn't get moving as early as I normally do. The first thing I did was throw in a load of laundry, "I shouldn't have waited until today ..." I silently admonished myself. No one made the choice to procrastinate but me. I took ownership of what I had done to myself and carried on with the morning.

I didn't have time to dawdle this morning. I had my morning smoothie, a cup of coffee and I started moving. "The painters could arrive today ... I must be dressed, up and about. I'll have a second leisurely cup of coffee later," I promised myself.

I seem to be moving in slow motion these days. As I watch our five year old cat amble slowly through his days, I see "me". I've slowed down. I amble a lot. At one time, I sprinted from the car to the house; the house to the garbage; from "A" to "B". Because I was always in a hurry? Because I was late? Because I could? Now ... I amble.

I used to be more agile. Doing "squats" when I exercised was no problem. Up. Down. Up. Down. Side to side and all around. I felt capable of whatever my exercise DVD instructed me to do. Now ... getting up from a squatting position after picking a weed? I can do it. But I'm not sixteen anymore. I'm not even 46. I'm not going to say what age I most likely look, but add twenty years to my existing age and you have an idea.

One thing led to the next, the next and the next. Laundry. Weeds - four ice cream buckets of weeds. Then came the vacuuming. The next thing I knew, it was 1:30 in the afternoon. The day is a hot one. I forfeited my second cup of coffee for a few glasses of lemonade instead.

At last, I was rewarded with a thoroughly refreshing shower. Washing (and taming) my hair never felt so good.

After a completely wasted weekend, I put in a good day's work today. And all it took was one cup of coffee.

P.S. It is amazing what our painters have done today! Things are shaping up fast. And it is all starting to come together. I noticed a cup of coffee on the doorstep - I'm not the only one who was empowered by a cup of coffee today.

Open Rafters and Open Invitations

This could be a boring little post but it is a follow up to my rants from yesterday morning...

The first thing on yesterday's agenda was to have my Second Son check out our attempt to install a new burner for our barbeque. He quickly assessed the situation, secured the "venturi connection", we lit up the barbeque and deemed it safe and secure enough to cook some burgers for lunch.

As I suspected, when I told my son about my concern over birds finding their way into the attic he downplayed the possibility and didn't add fuel to my fire. Then he proceeded to move on with the removal of the remaining soffit. I pulled nails while he pulled down plywood. It took me quite a while to make it out to the front where the first thing that caught my eye was this:

Oh my gosh! This is wide open into the attic. "An eagle could fly in here!", I exclaimed. In my son's calm, cool demeanor he agreed but assured me it is not nesting season. It would be okay.

I begged him to block up the openings but he wouldn't budge. Yes, a bird could easily fly into the attic. But it would fly out again.

I lost that battle and carried on with the day.

We enjoyed the menu I had planned for the prior day's supper for lunch. My youngest son chose not to join us so when he got up (much) later in the day, I chided him that I planned for that to be his birthday supper (then lunch, when supper plans were aborted). "I planned a birthday meal for you and you didn't come ..."

My boys are used to my excessive words and trumped up emotional outbursts, so my youngest son (much like his older brother) nodded, smiled, did not disagree with me but didn't heighten the discussion either. Oh well, at least he has some decent leftovers for a while.

I puttered outside all day. I accomplished so very little in the whole scheme of things but slowly but surely I made a difference.

The yard is tidied up from the weekend's demolition, I picked some weeds, mowed some grass, found nails, nails and more nails as I scoured the area below the eaves. I made a potato salad and barbequed a meal. Then I showered. I can't remember a time when I felt so dirty.

It was a productive weekend but at the end of it all, everything looks pretty much the same. Except the underside of our eaves.

Things will start to take on a noticeable change next weekend. Our outdoor maintenance is happening in bits and spurts. I still find it hard to feel as excited as I did during our main floor renovation but I know I will enjoy the end result.

Slowly but surely we will make it through this season of maintenance. It will all be worth it in the end.

73

As my ambition levels ebb and flow like my moods, I was giving myself a good talking to this morning. "What is wrong with you?", I asked myself.

How old was Mom when she took the bull by the horns and simply started ripping up carpet after the Great Flood of 2001 saturated my brother's newly acquired home? I did some mental calculations and came up with the number "73".

73 ... 73 ... 73 ...

The number kept repeating through my mind. I thought of Mom's ambition and willingness to take on most any task.

I thought of Mom at my age and I am embarrassed. I don't hold a candle to what Mom accomplished at my age and older.

I think of my sisters and their work ethic, their ambition and energy. They take after Mom. I think of my brother who holds down a full time job, yet he still takes on home and yard maintenance at the end of his days and weeks. He has Dad's qualities.

I was trying to give myself a pass and reminded myself that my sisters and brother are all married. Does having a spouse to share the financial, physical and emotional load make a difference? Then again, I thought of Mom. She was on her own after the age of 55 until the end of her days. My lack of spouse theory doesn't hold water.

I think of Dad at my age and he was hospitalized with a debilitating heart attack days before his 58th birthday. Have I mentally capped out at the age Dad was when we lost him? Is this mental fatigue or am I simply lazy?

My moods are subject to the ebbs and flows of the moon, life in general and perhaps I'm hard wired this way. It shouldn't surprise me that my ambition levels mirror these hills and valleys.

What I do know to be true, is that work, accomplishing something and simply taking the next forward step is the best way out and through these doldrums.

Yet, here I sit. I am listening to the shinglers up on my roof toiling away and literally taking care of the roof over my head. The ambition will come. I can feel it bubbling up inside of me. But right now? In this moment? I am comforted in the knowledge our roof is in good hands. Taking care of the basics helps one weather the storms ahead. Not that I see any storms in my forecast, but that knowledge is key. 

Life is a marathon. I think I have treated it like a 100 yard dash. My ambition comes in waves and then I wonder why I'm exhausted in the aftermath. If I'm going to attain the stamina Mom had at the age of 73, slow and steady is the way to go. Just. Don't. Stop.