73

As my ambition levels ebb and flow like my moods, I was giving myself a good talking to this morning. "What is wrong with you?", I asked myself.

How old was Mom when she took the bull by the horns and simply started ripping up carpet after the Great Flood of 2001 saturated my brother's newly acquired home? I did some mental calculations and came up with the number "73".

73 ... 73 ... 73 ...

The number kept repeating through my mind. I thought of Mom's ambition and willingness to take on most any task.

I thought of Mom at my age and I am embarrassed. I don't hold a candle to what Mom accomplished at my age and older.

I think of my sisters and their work ethic, their ambition and energy. They take after Mom. I think of my brother who holds down a full time job, yet he still takes on home and yard maintenance at the end of his days and weeks. He has Dad's qualities.

I was trying to give myself a pass and reminded myself that my sisters and brother are all married. Does having a spouse to share the financial, physical and emotional load make a difference? Then again, I thought of Mom. She was on her own after the age of 55 until the end of her days. My lack of spouse theory doesn't hold water.

I think of Dad at my age and he was hospitalized with a debilitating heart attack days before his 58th birthday. Have I mentally capped out at the age Dad was when we lost him? Is this mental fatigue or am I simply lazy?

My moods are subject to the ebbs and flows of the moon, life in general and perhaps I'm hard wired this way. It shouldn't surprise me that my ambition levels mirror these hills and valleys.

What I do know to be true, is that work, accomplishing something and simply taking the next forward step is the best way out and through these doldrums.

Yet, here I sit. I am listening to the shinglers up on my roof toiling away and literally taking care of the roof over my head. The ambition will come. I can feel it bubbling up inside of me. But right now? In this moment? I am comforted in the knowledge our roof is in good hands. Taking care of the basics helps one weather the storms ahead. Not that I see any storms in my forecast, but that knowledge is key. 

Life is a marathon. I think I have treated it like a 100 yard dash. My ambition comes in waves and then I wonder why I'm exhausted in the aftermath. If I'm going to attain the stamina Mom had at the age of 73, slow and steady is the way to go. Just. Don't. Stop.