Practising the Pause

I received an after hours text last night. While my initial reaction was to respond immediately, I thought "Wait until you get home ...". I got home and decided that "Wait until tomorrow" was the best response.

I had an important conversation yesterday. While my initial reaction was to try to offer up a solution, I simply responded, "We need to keep talking..." in the moment I was in. I woke up this morning with a possible option in mind but again talked myself down. "Think about this first ..." and see what alternatives crop up.

I felt a little angsty about both of these moments where the best answer was no answer. I must listen to that anxiety that lies beneath the surface. It is telling me something.

I wasn't sure what to write next so I walked away and made my lunch. New, fresh and less in-the-moment thoughts came to me.

At times when I've been looking for a lost item, I have found if I stop, walk away and distance myself from the cycle of looking-where-I-have-already-looked, it freshens my perspective. When I return, I have new ideas of where else I could be looking. It doesn't always work but it has worked enough times to remind me this is a good strategy.

I have many hitting-a-wall moments in my numbers work. The best thing I can do is to walk away and take myself out of the cycle of thinking-the-same-thoughts and doing the same thing over and over again, hoping to come up with the answer. Definition of insanity? All the above. My solution at times like this? This could be a good time to look for that item I couldn't find earlier.

Before hitting the "send" button on a text or email ... before hastily dialing a phone while purely in a "reaction" mode, it is best to pause first. Do I do this all of the time? Anyone who has read text messages my phone has auto-corrected can vouch that I do not. When a message is of a delicate or important nature, I try ...

When I have been hurt by words that someone has said, I try not to add fuel to the fire by reacting in kind. I say very little to nothing in those moments. But my thoughts fester when I cannot react. In the moment or after the fact. Pausing is okay. Stifling one's thoughts in the hope that there won't be a repeat offence takes me back to my days of being married. By not taking a stand, my actions were misunderstood as acceptance and I laid the groundwork for the scenario to replay time and time again.

While I am practising "pausing before reacting", I must remember action without the fuel of emotions guiding me is the ultimate goal. Inaction is different than pausing.

They say to take a deep breath and think before reacting in emotionally fuelled situations. Pause before taking action. But don't forget to act.