Don't Overthink It!

It was a small thing. But it worked out so well I must write it down before I forget to remind myself of the lesson learned: Don't overthink it!!

I was having the laziest of lazy days. I had prepared food in the fridge and there was absolutely no need for me to cook anything for supper. Suddenly, I popped up and decided to throw some baby potatoes and chicken in the oven. Just as quickly, I sent off a supper invitation.

I cleaned up and suddenly wanted to send a P.S. to my invitation. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound so desperate. Just come if you want"; "No need to say yes" and a myriad of other explanations for my spur of the moment invitation.

I didn't receive a reply instantly which allowed me to doubt myself even more. Oh well. I'll have good leftovers for tomorrow. It's all good.

Then came the reply. My invitation was not only accepted but it was very well timed as there was no supper on their agenda. 

I threw together a last minute salad, seasoned with anticipation of company and just a real good feeling about how a quickly thrown together meal fit so perfectly into the day.

The meal tasted ... good! Everything tastes better when shared with a friend (or family). A quick spur of the moment action resulted in exactly everything I could have ever hoped for. And more.

I could have so very easily talked myself out of all of the above. What a wonderful way to wind up a weekend. Not overthinking. Just doing. I highly recommend it!

It Was a Dream (it was only a dream)

Dreams are weird and wonderful and a little wacky. I was smack dab in the middle of a place I didn't want to be and I had no idea all I had to do was open my eyes.

My dream took me everywhere:

• I was running my daycare
• I was trying to leave work but my shoes were gone
• Someone found me a very small pair of slip on sandals I could use (they commented "Thank you, Mrs ?" as they handed the petite sandals over to me, leading me to believe they had once belonged to a beloved senior they once knew)
• I used the borrowed sandals despite the ill fit
• I quit my job
• I went to find my car and was afraid someone took my car so I popped the hood of the trunk to find it was still there
• I backed out of my spot and got stuck on ice
• I revved the car backwards to pick up speed to go forwards on the ice and forgot to look to see if it was safe to do so
• I didn't hit anything or anyone
• I sped past the point where I was stuck before and was in the clear
• Next thing I know, I'm riding a bike uphill towards downtown
• Two skateboarders were coming from opposite directions
• I didn't hit the skateboarders and they hugged when they met up
• I was stuck at an intersection on my bike
• Somewhere in the middle of the chaos I stop to read all the hand written messages written in crayon, bidding me farewell from my job
• One of the messages said, "I hear you quit because you don't like writing up invoices for snow. That's okay ..."
• War planes were flying overhead
• Young children were excited to see the planes
• I was terrified
• A plane hovered over us and a soldier calmly said if they had orders to shoot, they would do so
• I had to turn one way to pick up my child
• Home was in the opposite direction
• The world was ending and I was stuck in an intersection ...

Then I opened my eyes.

Never have I ever been so relieved to wake up, at home, safe and protected. 

Then I realized I woke up to a day off. It is July 1st!!! Happy Canada Day everyone!!!

Stay safe. Wear your shoes. Watch out when you are backing up. And remember hard days don't last forever. A good night's sleep is the best medicine.

Sunday

Sunday has been and continues to be my favorite day of the week. How I could fritter away the entirety of my favorite day doing so very little is quite astounding. 

I've become the queen of "doing nothing". The unfortunate part is, I'm not doing it well.

I woke up to my weekend hangover of nothingness feeling absolutely, completely and totally spent. What the heck is wrong with me?!?

Then ... I looked at my existence from the outside, looking in and decided to give myself a break.

When I got outside my own head for a minute, I saw myself and the role I have been playing within my small little world. The words that came to mind as I looked at this alien version of myself was "Supporting Person".

I'm not the star in my own show. Other story lines are running through my own. I listen. I relate. I do my best to understand. I am there. Not in a big way. Just in a small understated "supporting role".

When I validated my role, I forgave myself for feeling mentally inept over the course of the weekend. One cannot continue to do nothing for forever. But one weekend? What has been done cannot be undone. Just take one step in a forward direction.

A new week awaits.

Worst. Day. Ever.

**Please note: everything is relative. I lead a very easy life so "worst days" for me are truly not all that bad. This I know. Everything that follows this disclaimer is written from my own personal perspective on one particular day.**

Have you ever had a turning point in your day when you realize in hind sight, that you should have just walked away and tried again another day?  Me too.

This particular challenging day began with the best of intentions. Everything was going well so I decided to do just one quick thing as I tied up my work day at home and headed out to my out-of-house employment.

"I'll just do this [one thing] so I'm all set to go for tomorrow", I thought to myself with a self satisfied sigh.

That "one thing" did not go well. Technical difficulties at every turn. Trouble shooting tips from Google led to one, two, three, four and more different attempts to salvage the mission at hand. Then I had to leave the house.

Walking away from a challenge is often one of the best things one can do. Rebooting the computer is another favorite standby of mine. I did both. "Everything's gonna be okay" I told myself time and time and time again.

Then I made the mistake of going back to try to solve this after I got home from work. I often say that anything I do or say after 6:00 p.m. is equivalent to driving while under the influence of alcohol. I do not function on an intelligent level after the magic hour of 6:00 at night. I call it "impaired speaking".

Yet, I decided to try to fix a mind boggling technical issue after 7:00 p.m. Then I involved a second computer. What was I thinking?!??

Things went from bad to worse. I tried every trouble shooting mechanism known to me at the time. I tried, tried and tried again. I rebooted computers more often than I washed my hands that day. Reboot. Restart. Walk away. Try, try again.

I'm starting to see why I kept going back to relationships that didn't work for me - I used the same strategy.

After a long, frustrating evening I finally turned everything off and assured myself that I would wake up in the morning and on a fresh, clean, rested brain I would solve all the technical computer issues at hand.

Sure enough, I woke up with a brand new and shiny plan. A new day. A fresh start. Onward ...

Then things went from bad to worse. And even worse yet. I even messed up my online grocery order in an irreparable way. Even my email program defied me. Outbound messages sat in the Outbox folder and refused to go anywhere.

Everything I touched went awry. I couldn't even get one computer to turn on. These are not my computers. I was panicking, anxious and didn't know which way to turn.

The feeling of angst and helplessness I had were akin to the worst days of my life when I had no idea which way to turn. Those were the days I crumbled to the ground, looked upward and whispered, "Help me ..."

It is at those times when things feel like they cannot get any worse that can become the much needed turning point.

Some people pray. I called my Computer Guy.

I told him my story. I warned him it was a long one with many twists and turns. I started to talk. He listened. Then he started to reply. I responded, "But there is more ..." I kept telling my tale. He kept thinking I was at the end of my story. I kept saying, "But there is even more ..." This cycle repeated at least three times. Maybe four.

"Can you help me over the phone? I will pay you for your time. I will do anything." I implored. Unfortunately the damage I had done was more than an amateur troubleshooter like me could handle. This was a job for a professional.

This is the part of the never ending story where the soundtrack changes to a light and hopeful tone. The sun comes out, melts the snow, there is a twinkle in the skies above and up drives my Computer Guy. I'm pretty sure he was wearing a superhero cape.

He called before he arrived so I could put the troubled computer on our doorstep so we adhered to all COVID-19 distancing requirements. I was inside the house, he was outside, we spoke, then he drove off on his white stallion (okay, it was only a car) and the heaviness of the day was lifted off my shoulders.

I turned around, tried reloading the program that started all the trouble on a new program on my own personal computer ...

While it was loading, my online grocery order had enough time on its own to allow me to go back and salvage the many errors of my ways.

The computer program loaded successfully and I was able to complete the mission I had set out to do 24 hours prior.

Twenty four hours. It took one full day. Suddenly my Worst. Day. Ever. turned into the Best Recovery I could have ever hoped for.

Everything that went sour turned on its haunches and turned out okay.

It all works out in the end. If it doesn't work out, it is not yet the end. 

~ slightly paraphrased from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

I know this "worst day ever" was a walk in the park compared to the realities going on all around us. I know this. Yet I couldn't stop the spiraling anxiousness and feeling of being overwhelmed. 

Yesterday felt like I was a contestant on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. I used all my lifelines. It turns out "calling a friend (aka: a computer professional)" was a game changer for me. 

In these days of isolation, confinement, health, family and financial worries DO use your lifelines. "Calling a friend" may be a game changer for you too.

Sometimes ... A Weekend is All You Need

I had a thoroughly restful and relaxed weekend after a week of dealing with a bookkeeping challenge which I had hoped to bring to a close by the end of Friday. I failed.

I apologized to my boss, told her I truly believed I would get to the bottom of things before the week ended but showed her my progress and knew I was on the cusp of solving the great number mystery which has had us scratching our heads for longer than I care to admit.

I woke up yesterday morning, thinking of the progress I made last week, I came up with a plan of attack and I was ready to roll when I walked in the door yesterday morning. She woke up at a similar hour of the morning thinking very parallel thoughts. I don't know whose thoughts invaded whose in the wee hours of the morning but I apologized (again) for "waking her up" at such an ungodly hour with my extra sensory perception which crossed planes with hers at the same time.

We were both of like mind when I presented my case, told her my plan and she simply said, "Do it! It has to get done. It sounds like you are on the right path."

I did it. And it is done. Finally.

I ran my hypothesis up against a copy of the company's books so I didn't harm any of our existing records. All that needs to be done now, is to transfer this knowledge into our company's permanent files and the deed is done.

I filed last week away in my mind and didn't labor over the challenges yet unmet over the course of the weekend. I have the ability to compartmentalize like that. I know. It is a gift. It doesn't always work but when it does, I feel like I'm gifted with the ability to "Do my best at the time. Then let it go. Until next time".

I woke up after the weekend and I was ready to solve what had not been solved before. Sometimes? A weekend is all you really need.

Overthinking

Overthinking has never worked for me. I have no idea why I keep thinking I can find a better way by thinking too much. But I keep doing what I have done in the past, hoping for better results. So far, my success rate has been pretty close to nil.

Go with the flow

Trust the thoughts you wake up with

Let it go

Keep it simple

Trust the process

These are the mantras I keep trying to teach myself. Yet I continue to overthink far too much.

I spent far too long trying to find a way to make some reservations more economical. I may have saved myself $18.86 ... but then again? Maybe not.

I changed a flexible reservation for accommodations to a non-refundable one. I changed the guests from "three" to "two". Now if someone does take us up on our offer to join us, I will have cost us money.

Sigh.

Let it go. It is a done deal. There is no going back now. 

But there is another life lesson for the books. Don't think so much!!

On the flip side, I learned from yesterday's lesson when our cat playfully tipped my morning smoothie all over me and the surrounding area. I held on tightly to my morning drink and maintained order in one area of my life. I should have let go of the rest.

May you take what you learned yesterday to make today a better day! 

It's All Going to Be Okay

Everything happens as it should. It's all going to be okay. Don't overthink this. All will work out exactly as it is meant to be.

These are the phrases I mindlessly wrote over and over again this morning as I wrote my "morning pages" of long hand, free thinking, mindless writing. 

My subconscious mind is speaking to me. Nothing more than that. I have other people's stories on a loop within my mind and these are the lessons that keep coming to the forefront of my thoughts.

I wrote out my three pages and walked away. 

I tended three tasks that were taking up too much real estate in my mind. 

I soothed myself with my morning routines. 

And here I am.

I feel wordless. 

If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?

If I think my thoughts and do not write them, do I exist?

Heavy words to ponder on a wordless kind of day.

Everything is good. I live a blessed life. I have more than my heart can hold. 

Yet I seem to need to remind myself it is all going to be okay today.

So I just thought I'd stop by and write this out loud just in case anyone else needs to hear these words.

Remain hopeful.

It's all going to be okay.