Rabbit Holes

I love the ability to check out my shopping options all from the comfort of home.

I have fallen down a rabbit hole this morning, as I have decided I definitely want a small TV for my "Daybed Room". I think I have it narrowed down after checking availability, reviews and best value for my needs.

Then comes my ongoing saga with chemical sprayers. It can't be every sprayer I touch. But it is. I must consider the common denominator. Me. What am I doing wrong? I will try, try again with my existing sprayers before investing in one more ...

Customer reviews are my best friend. When a quarter of the reviews are one star and fifty percent are five star, what does one glean from this perspective? I'm trying to educate myself on ensuring I have the right sprayer for the job and I'm operating/cleaning it properly. I am considering the option of embracing the idea of a weed filled yard.

Then there are the comfy looking capris that popped up on one of my feeds somewhere. I would like to see that modeled by an over 60 year old, filled out, saggy, bulky female model please. I fell prey to an online clothing store that featured moderately plus-sized clothes modeled on a young, taut and fit body. Fool me twice? Shame on me.

Then there are the mattress toppers, offering relief to achy body parts. The initial price looks expensive enough, but exchange that twin-sized pricing for queen and ooo-la-la! Sobering thought. Advil is a cheaper option.

After falling down all-of-the-above rabbit holes over the course of the past 2-1/2 hours, I think I've landed on a TV I want and will trouble shoot my existing weed sprayers before investing in another.

Now ... do I make a special trip into the city for my favored television set or wait until I'm going anyway? That is the million dollar (actually $168 + tax) question.

I may not fall victim to scrolling social media, but this darn internet window shopping certain grabs a lot of my time. On the other hand, in the end, I think I make wiser choices.

Who knows? It's free to look and I love the ability to wander through a variety of different stores without leaving my kitchen table.

Then it Rained

As much as I whined about spring and summer's neediness in yesterday's post, 

I forgot about the rain:

Cloudy days and Mondays ...

That would be today.

A day off of outdoor chores.

I guess I can't mow the lawn today after all.

Thank you, Rain.

Winter's Last Hurrah

One can hope this is Winter's final blast of all it has to give.

It was cold yesterday. A winter jacket kind of cold. This morning isn't much better:

This is what my bedroom window looks like at -6°:

I long for a window that doesn't frost up in the cold and a window with a screen so I can wake up to the sounds of the bird's wake up calls. In the meantime, I will snap pictures at various temperatures to see if I can learn to tell what the temperature it is, by looking at the frost/humidity on my window.

I looked out another window and saw this:

A final (?) dusting of snow and snow banks not yet melted. 

Winter's way of saying "It ain't over 'til it's over".

It's over now. Right?

Recharged & Restocked & Back-Up Plans

One never knows where a day may go when it starts with a dead car battery, when one has places to be and people to see. It turns out it led to a mud puddle. I'll get to that later.

Thankful I was fully aware of my battery charging issues, the best part of the day was knowing I just needed a boost to get me to where I needed to be and I could take care of the rest.

My trusted mechanic was available to squeeze the car in but made no promises. "If it's anything more than the battery, I'm afraid I can't take care of anything else until next week."

Hoping for the best, planning for the worst, I had a game plan no matter where the car battery issue led. 

It turns out, it led me to a puddle which was definitely the worst part of the day. No, not slipping and falling into it mere steps away from the mechanic's front door. No, not the mud packed jeans, from the knees (yes, knees) down. No, it wasn't the bloody, mud-packed wound on my knee. It was the hole in the only pair of jeans I own that fit me.

I rolled with everything like a trooper. But gazing down to the holey knee in my jeans was a resounding, "OH!! NOOOOO!!!!"

Not to be deterred, I had a plan. I had bought a pair of pants that didn't fit and was hopeful Value Village would allow me to exchange them for my next new-to-me pair of jeans.

Yes!!! They extended their two week return policy to the month it took for me to get back to the city. I found two potential options. Bought only one. Brought them home and despite the sinking feeling I had that they weren't the ones, I was still disappointed when they didn't fit properly. The good news, is my ability to exchange them today. 

The better news is Plan B. Today's mission is a denim patch for my holey jeans and fabric glue.

I have gone through more black socks since I started back to work than ever before in the history of ever. I have found my most favorite (priced) black socks at Dollarama. Three pairs for $2.50 - a price that can't be beat. I have tried more expensive socks. No difference in their endurance. I choose cheap and buy in bulk. Whenever I go to Dollarama, I wander down the sock aisle to replenish my back-up supply. I have been looking for months. Nothing. I was down to a back-up supply of only one pair. So ... when I found my favorite socks yesterday, I bought all I could find in the store. Twenty one pairs of socks for $19.43 INCLUDING taxes.

Anyway, back to my story going nowhere but everywhere ...

I haven't had the heart to throw out all of these socks. Maybe I could sew up the toes when I get my sewing machine set up. If ever they stopped replenishing the socks in the store, I have a back-up plan. Back-up plans. It's all about back-up plans.

Add this to the fact that my most favorite black pajama pants have not been restocked since 2018 (yes, I know these things). I should have bought more at the time. Seven years later, after constant use, the knees on my pajama pants are wearing thin. I need to find new ones or find a way to patch them. Hence, the stock pile of black socks just may come in handy. If only I could think of a way to adhere them to my pj's.

Enter a humorous story told by my brother-in-law last weekend. He told of a time when his youngest sister thought she was putting Brylcreem (a hair styling product for men) on her hair, when it was actually fabric glue. The end result was a buzz-cut before buzz-cuts were in vogue. 

Funny but tragic story ... but the wheels in my head immediately started to turn. I just need to buy fabric glue to glue patches (cut to size) from my holey sock supply to my holey pajama pants.

Today's mission: replacement jeans; denim patches; fabric glue.

Life has come full circle. It's no wonder some people have a hard time parting with old belongings. If you hang onto something long enough, one can find a use for most anything.

P.S. My battery issue remains a mystery. Despite testing the battery and alternator, and cleaning/lubricating up a corroded negative battery connection, he has no explanation as to why this is happening. All I can say, is I'm grateful for the one-click-warning I get. One click upon trying to start the car. Then it starts. For an untold number of times after the warning. Until it doesn't.

It's Coming ...

I have waited out Old Man Winter. 

He's still holding out but Mother Nature is winning the war.

It is my thought that winding up my tax obligations should align nicely with the return of warm weather.

It will be a while before I can rake up all the pinecones that have fallen over the winter. 

By the time I get to the yard clean-up I will be more than ready to face the spring work outside.

It's close.

Snow

Snow, snow

Disappear!

Come again another year...

Yesterday morning:

This morning:

Tunneling out (one last time?)

 

That's all.

I'll Know it's Spring When ...

Spring has officially arrived.

Today we have 12 hours and 21 minutes of daylight.

Daylight hours are exceeding the moonlit hours by 4 minutes each day.

Even though our current temperature is -13°C (feels like -19°C), 

the two week forecast says we will reach a high of +6° (feels like -2°) by April 2nd.

March came in like a lamb so it is highly likely it will go out like a lion 

(5 - 10 cm of snow is forecast for March 28th).

But I have the true barometer of spring's arrival by simply looking out my bedroom window.

When the frost on my windows is gone, I will officially celebrate spring.

I haven't been able to see out the window for most of the winter. 

Today is a balmy 1/8th of a window of frost outside.

Spring? We are all waiting with baited breath. 

Please come soon.

2024 Price Check

I don't know which obsession is taking up the most space in my brain - new calendars for the year 2024, or the ability to check prices over the course of the past few years.

My calendar needs are pretty basic. One wall calendar for personal use; one desk calendar for business use; one daytimer for business use. Amen. End of story. End of my needs.

I have received a wall calendar annually thanks to being on a high school reunion mailing list. It is the perfect size; the boxes allow enough room to make notations; and it is FREE. It wins first prize for all my needs. The only pitfall is it didn't arrive until the last week of December, so I panicked and picked up a calendar for $1.25 at the dollar store. It was much bigger than needed, took up too much space on the wall and (worst of all!), I spent $15.54 on unnecessary chocolates and treats when I bought my cheap calendar. I wasted time and money on an unnecessary purchase. 

Calendars to the left - total cost $7.75 + taxes + $95 (!!) extracurricular spending while in the dollar store in search of a bargain priced calendar.

Calendars to the right - FREE!! delivered to me in the mail, with no added costs.

Meanwhile, my obsession with the higher costs of living these days had me comparing prices between calendars purchased over the years.

2023/2024 - $1.50 NO increase

2022/2023/2024 - $3.50 NO increase

The moral of the story seems to be:

 "Keep some prices the same to lure customers into the store and spend their money on impulse buys".

They got me hook, line and sinker. Fool me once - shame on them. Fool me twice (or three times, as I am almost certain I didn't buy the 2022/2023 calendars without overspending) shame on me.

I know better. In 2024, I will try harder.

The only consolation I have, is the number of times I talked myself out of take-out, which most likely countered the impulse purchases (aka: cookies, chocolate & chips - the 3 deadly C's). 

My average monthly take-out spending has decreased by $100 monthly since COVID (yes, I keep track of these things), 

so all things considered my obsession with calendars over the years probably balances out in the end.

Just my meandering thoughts this morning. 

Carry on!

Proceed with Caution!

It's "Christmas" every day around here! I'm a huge fan of the delivery options that are readily available. My December deliveries have included cat food, cat litter, printer paper, printer toner/drum kit, banker boxes and I've recently stumbled upon a few free grocery delivery options. I LOVE it!

My most recent gift in the mail was a paper shredder. It was as easy as opening the box, placing the shredding apparatus upon the paper bin and plugging it in. Voila! I was shredding within minutes. I LOVE easy-to-assemble items!!

Then I noticed the long list of symbols on the top of the shredder. I figured out the "Caution" part of the hieroglyphics but it didn't go much further than that:

Okay. Stop and pause now. Do not read any further. Do your best to decipher what all of the above means.

I will distract you from looking at the answers below and write about the other challenging piece of mail that arrived.

I have recently been hired for a new job. Though I haven't worked out of the house yet, I have invested a lot of time into the process of becoming an employee. I was able to take a one-day orientation course from home and I have been completing, signing, scanning, emailing countless new employee forms. I have signed in and signed up for numerous accounts, with more to follow once I'm at my new workplace.  

I received a letter in regards to immunizations. I'm pretty sure this letter was meant to be emailed. There was no phone contact information, nor clues as to who to contact for specific information. 

I devoted a large part of the day attempting to attend to the tasks defined on this piece of paper. The next day, a revised letter (including a contact phone number) came in the mail. Much easier! Done! I felt like I had conquered my universe.

Onto the next task. Taking my car to the shop to see if they can diagnose a potential problem with a car that is presently in perfect working order.

I have learned a lesson the hard way. I have a "one click" warning when it comes to issues pertaining to starting my car. ONE warning. I turn the ignition. Nothing. So "nothing", that I assume I must not have fully turned the key. Because the next time and countless times afterwards (only countless, because I didn't count the actual number) it starts like a charm. Until it doesn't. One time it was the starter that was gone (a year ago); the second time, it was the battery (three months ago). 

I was five hours away from home when I received my "one click warning". I didn't know how many more starts I would have, so I used my finite number of car-starts frugally. I made it through the remainder of the weekend and all the way home without incident. 

My phone call to my mechanic went something like this, "I don't know if you can diagnose a problem with my car if it is working perfectly but ... ". And they did! It was a bad battery. 100% covered by warrantee! Have you EVER gone to the mechanic and received a bill for $0.00?? Best gift EVER!! 

Life was feeling pretty good. One challenging day makes one appreciate when everything in life happens in a manner that is as easy as taking the next forward step.

Back to my new paper shredder warnings. Below, are the deciphered codes:

My personal favorite? "Please keep children out of this shredder"

Life is full of warnings, cautions and subtle clues to forewarn you of the potential dangers ahead. 

Some, like keeping children out of a paper shredder, are pretty straight forward. 

Others, like a one-start-warning, we learn as we go along.

Proceed with caution. But please DO proceed.

Calm Quiet Place

I have shut the door to our den (aka: "Mom's Room"), gathered a fresh cup of coffee and I'm in my calm, quiet place.

My thoughts have been in a repetitive loop for a very long time, so I have shied away from writing. When people ask how I am, my response is, "Same. Same. And more of the same." And that is the truth.

Holding patterns are comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time. I've become a little more of who I have been all along and less of who I have been all along. All at the same time.

The past week held a few up-in-the-air variables where I needed to know I had done all I could do, to take a step towards change. That has always brought a feeling of control in an incontrollable situation before. "Do what you can. Then let it go", has been my motto. Trust the pause ...

Thanksgiving came and went this year. I didn't take the time to stop and count my blessings. Truth be told, I count them continually.

I am beyond grateful for the quiet, predictable, safe little life I lead. I peak at the news of what is happening in the world outside of the very small window in which I see the world and I run for cover. I feel like a groundhog who is saying "Spring? Not yet! Not yet!!" and I pop back into my safe little space underground.

I'm in touch with people who matter to me. I have maintained long distance friendships since my family moved when I was nine years old. Long distance, letters, phone calls and sporadic face-to-face contact is warm and comfortable to me. I'm grateful for friends and family who nurture our relationships from afar. I'm grateful for those I do see in the flesh. Less is more when it comes to socializing. At least for me.

Death, dying and chronic illness seem to be a theme among those I know. No one is untouched. Mom used to comment on her feelings on these ongoing conversations. I hear you, Mom. I hear you! 

My sisters and I made our way towards my brother's family's home last month. It was wonderful. Our visit was sprinkled with laughter, familiarity and a sense we were all guests in our temporary AirBnB oasis. It was heavenly. It was life sustaining. Laughter never felt so good.

I have no moral to today's story. I have been craving a little writing time and when I brought out this brand new candle (with a fragrance labelled "Calm Quiet Place") this morning, I thought I would simply stop the world for a few minutes and write.

I miss this space. I miss who I used to be when my fingertips revealed my deepest, unconscious thoughts. I may be back ...

Movin' on Up

I have come to a calm acceptance about aging, body image and worrying about what others think. My underlying belief is kindness, a genuine smile and pleasant demeanor go a lot further than the way a person looks.

My aunt started nudging me into this way of thinking many years ago. I was coloring my hair at the time and she knew it. "Why do people color their hair?" she would ask. Time and time again. I defended my position with the response "I want to feel okay with the reflection in my mirror"; "Once you start coloring your hair, it becomes about dealing with the roots" and several other variations of the same answer. To which she would reply, "You still look OLD, you know"; "Black hair and a wrinkled face don't fool anyone"; "Nobody else cares" and several variations of her own responses would follow.

We had this conversation on repeat for many years. Then the pandemic and self isolation recommendations gave me the courage to forge through the uncomfortable phase of dealing with my roots as they grew out. A year later, I was completely "natural" and my hair was the color God intended. My aunt complimented my hair color time and time and time again. Yes, letting go of the facade was the right way to go. 

Then came the weight gain.

I lamented that I was fine with the extra poundage but I wished my clothes would grow right along with me. Weekends became my favorite days because I could wear my black pajama bottoms all day, feel dressed and be comfortable. Wearing actual clothes was something I dreaded as much as Monday mornings. Discomfort in every form of the word. I felt awful in my skin and worse in my clothes. Thank goodness I was comfortable in my natural hair color.

Budgeting has always been a priority in my little world. While others may go on a diet, I would go on a budget. I couldn't afford a new wardrobe so I had to be able to fit into my existing clothes. This strategy worked for six decades then something changed. I want to believe it is just a tumor that has extended my waistline to great lengths but that doesn't explain the excess on my legs and rear view. Maybe it's a glandular thing ...

Enough was enough. I finally succumbed to spending some of my hard earned money on clothes that actually fit. Value Village to the rescue!

It was easy to cull through the clothes I don't wear or no longer fit, so I had a donation of clothing which rewarded me with 20% off of my purchases. I came home with two pair of capris; two tops; two pajama bottoms (yes, even my pj's are tight!!); and one pajama top for $36.29 (add my current credit card which is paying 5% cash back on all purchases for the first three months and that is a further $2.88 in savings).

I couldn't wait to get dressed the next morning. As I stepped into my proper fitting clothes, it was as comfortable as wearing my pajamas! The wave of excitement that rippled through my being was palpable. It felt good to be dressed again!

I'm not quite sure I have the same acceptance with the reflection in my mirror. My aunt no longer comments on my appearance, so I fall back to her default response "No one else cares" to appease my concerns. Mom would care ...

In the meantime, I am reveling in the fact that Tuesday is 30% off for ages 60+ at Value Village. So I topped up my new wardrobe with a few more items. For a grand total of $44.20, I have updated my wardrobe with these items:

My size has doubled since I was "in my prime" but I'm movin' on up the only way I know how. Bargains all the way, baby!

The Hot Spot Has Cooled Off (at last)

It is my habit to make my bed as soon as I wake up. I will make the bed around a sleeping cat but I make it all the same. It is a very rare day when I veer off the norm and our cats were quick to take advantage of the fact I'd (momentarily) left an unmade bed this morning.

I awoke and was out of bed around 6 a.m. and something took me outside my room. When I returned to make the bed, Jet had hopped into my spot that wouldn't have had a chance to cool down.

Jet finally appeared in the kitchen a few hours later so I knew my opportunity to make the bed had arrived. 

I assumed Jet had resumed his position but it was Ray (our second black cat) who had taken advantage of the vacancy. So I put off making my bed once again.

I finally headed outside and took a book with me. When I reentered the house, both cats were pacing by the back door, eager to find their next new hot spot. Outside with me.

My bed is vacant at last. A smart person would take advantage of the moment and wash their sheets. I have never burdened myself with the label of being smart. So I shall vacuum the cat hair and make my bed. Washing sheets this late in the day is a recipe for disaster. The chances of remembering I'd started the chore long enough to dry the sheets AND make the bed? Slim to none.

We'll try this again tomorrow.

By the time I typed these words and returned to make my bed, Ray was settled back in.

I may need to wash these cat hairy sheets after all ....

Morning Musing

I heard a little scuffle behind the bathtub curtain this morning and this is what I found:

Dripping faucet = cat fountain

Cats in the tub = the need to vacuum the bathtub before bathing.

Little things that make me go hmmm.

Foiled Again *Updated*

Our determined black cat has found another way to gain entry under my bedding ...

My bed was fully tucked in. A top sheet, turned sideways so I could tuck in both sides of the bed so Jet couldn't sneak under the quilt.

So he entered from the top.

There is an almost invisible little lump that I only investigated because the top of the bed looked askew.

Today? I have tucked in the top and both sides of the sheet atop my bed. With Jet's renewed interest and fast learning curve, I highly suspect he will be entering from the bottom of the sheet now. At least he can only sleep on top of my quilt via that route. 

I've moved the vacuum cleaner into my bedroom. Maybe I should park it right on top of my bed.

*6 hours (or less) later ...*

He's baaaack!

What's Good for the Car is Good for the Soul

Sometimes all we need is a good highway run. What works for vehicles can also do wonders for the human counterpart behind the wheel.

Some time prior to the need to switch over to winter tires, my "check engine" light came on. I hoped it would turn itself off but when that didn't happen, I was hopeful my mechanic would clear the warning, tell me it was nothing to worry about and send me on my way.

Unfortunately that was not the case. It was warning my fuel system was too rich - either too much air or fuel. Though it was something that needed to be tended to, it was okay to drive. My car would be fine for the five hour destination away from home. An appointment for a future date to repair this engine light warning was set for two weeks in the future, the first appointment available for my busy, reputable mechanic. C'est la vie.

I would have been more comfortable to head out on my mini-vacation without that check engine light taunting me all the way. I kept late hours during my time away and came home in the dark every night (which meant I stayed out past 5:00), the "check engine" light glowing brightly each and every night. 

Any time I felt anything slightly awry with my car, I cringed. I had brought along my mechanic's diagnosis so if the need arose for emergency resuscitation while away from home, I would be armed with information to make the repair as easy as possible. I kept hearing my mechanic's words on repeat in my head, "No, it will not strand you on the highway. It will be okay." 

After five hours of highway driving and three days of city driving, I headed my car in a homeward bound direction and was relieved my car made the trip. It would all be okay until I was back on home turf to tend to the needs of my rich fuel system and deal with the unbudgeted expense later.

I was halfway home when I glanced at my dashboard and noticed the check engine light was off. I stopped for gas, expecting it to light up when I restarted the car. Nothing. I assumed the light would come back on after a week of regular use. But it didn't.

My appointment date with my mechanic arrived and I called with the news of the warning light clearing itself. "Sometimes that happens. Maybe all it needed was a good highway run."

My mini-holiday was absolutely everything I needed and hoped it would be. I had an excessive amount of words building up within. If I came with a "check engine" light, it may have displayed a word system too rich error message.

Sometimes? All we need is a good highway run. What is good for our vehicle's fuel system can also be good for us. It may not be a cure all, but it is certainly worth a try.

Cheating Myself

I love mornings. The time of day before the rest of the world wakes up. Everything I do is by choice because nothing is expected of me in those pre-workday hours. I revel in the quiet. That space is near and dear to me. Yet when I started slipping down the slippery slope of woe-is-me-ness lately, I see now, the first thing I abandoned was my precious morning time.

I turned on the repetitive loop of my Netflix favorites which lulled me back to sleep. Over and over again, until I could sleep no more. When I finally got out of bed, I felt the weight of the day on my shoulders which made it oh-so-hard to move. So I would turn on the computer or TV or any form of electronic diversion so I didn't have to think my thoughts. Doing the "hard things" that constitute my morning felt so very hard.

It isn't rocket science, but I finally figured out this small piece of the puzzle may be a good place to begin. Again.

I started getting out of bed by 5:00 a.m. or shortly thereafter. I would not allow myself to turn on my Netflix sleeping pill if the show would end after 5:00 a.m. If I woke up before that time, too bad, so sad. I would have to either fall back to sleep (if I was tired), lay there thinking my thoughts (if I didn't feel like getting out of bed) or simply get up. This was easier to accomplish than I imagined it would be.

The gains are so very well worth the loss of those two morning hours that I can never get back.

I expect little to nothing of myself in those bonus hours. By taking the burden of expectation off my shoulders I find myself puttering away at those little "hard things", to get them done and over with before the day expects something of me. Every little thing I cross off my small to-do-list makes every step forward easier.

I have not yet started writing to purge my thoughts before I start censoring myself, as Julia Cameron suggests in The Artist's Way (three handwritten pages as soon upon waking as one can manage). I don't enjoy listening to my uncensored self. I tend to be whiny, self absorbed, nit-picky, repetitive and weigh myself down with should-do's-that-rarely-get-done. Those morning pages may be cathartic but they haven't worked their magic with me. Yet.

Instead, I like to insert a little outside input (blogs &/or podcasts) into my thoughts and let that brew. I like to do a few mind exercises (word and number puzzles) and see if there are any morsels of insight that may trickle out my fingertips here. It's my personal formula, subject to change but it seems to be working. At least for now.

I love finding a podcast that speaks directly to me. More often than not, Glennon Doyle's "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast is a positive interaction (among Glennon, her sister Amanda and wife Abby) that fits the bill. The topics are thought provoking, their interaction is light and humorous and (very often) hits close to home.

I have so many Glennonisms that are my go-to-quotes and stories when I'm trying to find my way. When I speak, I often preface my sentence with "As Glennon says ...". In fact when my daughter was quoting one of my often repeated mantras to someone, she later asked "Was it Glennon or you who came up with that?"

The lower I feel, the less I can absorb. It is akin to too much rain falling on dry land. Nothing is absorbed. I'm flooded with that which should nourish my soul but nothing is seeping through the cracks. 

When I start my day early, there is enough of the dew from overnight to soften the soil which leaves a little more room to absorb the nourishment that comes from a morning shower of positive input.

When you know what works for YOU, do not deny yourself. Take back a little of what you know works, sit back and see if you can feel a difference. 

I Hate My Hair!

I woke up to a new-haircut-hangover recently. I could write a post about my hair but I'll spare you the details. The uncertainty of life-as-I-know-it has been bubbling over lately and I needed a release valve.

I was angered over every little thing that particular morning. Everything felt hard. I had no patience, coping skills were lost and I just wanted to be angry. So I picked on my hair.

I am feeling impatient as I want to fast forward through the next few years so I can be where I hope to be. 

I am feeling anxious about my ability to support myself for the rest of my days.

I am feeling frustrated about things that are out of my control.

I am feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of my Monday to Friday life.

I am doing my best but I am not at my best.

But, as it was with my recent haircut, I will do the best with what has already been done and time will take care of the rest.

Best Under Pressure

I stepped into June knowing it would be a tough month. I had a job to do and there was no option. It had to be done. And it was.

As busy as I knew the month would be, I added more to my personal to-do-list than I have done in a very long time. I got up early so I had time to walk, do my puzzles, write and tend to a few things around the house before I opened the door to my work-from-home day job. I went to my second job after that. Then wound up the day early, satisfied with what I had accomplished in the day.

Then all deadlines were met. And I crashed.

I have taken up sleeping in and all but given up walking. After a long, hard month at my work-from-home-job with no holiday in sight, I deemed this week a "mental holiday" break. I have done what must be done. I am home and available to take all calls and manage whatever work may come my way. But I'm resting my mental muscle and coasting.

It feels like the perfect holiday. 

Except the minute I don't have (what feels like) a million things to do, the smallest of jobs I normally squeeze into my regularly scheduled life feel onerous. 

There is a saying that goes something to the effect of "If you need something done, ask a busy person."

How true it is. Last month? I was conquering my world. This month is officially one week old and I am barely managing my world.

It is a hard truth but I do believe I am grateful for the deadlines within my life. They push me where I need to be and help me become the person I am capable of becoming.

Who knew?

Going With the Flow

The words "going with the flow" came to me this morning so I searched my own blog and (surprise, surprise!) I have already written what I want to say. Here is a throwback from the year 2008. I could update and add onto what I've already written to prove the point but this says it all:

SUNDAY, MAY 4, 2008

Going With the Current

Yesterday, the message of the day in "The Secret" calendar was about when you are trying to make something happen, it feels like you are going against the current in a river. And when you are ''acting to receive from the Universe'', you will feel as if you are flowing with the current of the river.

I have noticed that time and time again in my lifetime. There are times when you follow your heart, your instinct, your calling or whatever. And everything unfolds perfectly. As if you were following a well choreographed plan.

Other times, you make a decision and it feels as though there are road blocks at every turn. Nothing goes as planned and it's like you are fighting a losing battle.

When I decided to move my family out to Saskatoon, it was one of those times when absolutely everything unfolded perfectly.

I got the first job I applied for; I found a place to live without any effort; everyone in my life was totally supportive of the move. The time and place were right. And as if that wasn't enough of a sign, I have my ''red dart story'' ...

When I moved out here, I had next to no belongings to take with me. So Mom packed up things from her house to help to make a home out of our new place. She sent a variety of belongings out with me. And one thing that she sent, was a dart board and darts. Now, you would really have to know Mom and how every game in our house had all of its parts and pieces; every puzzle had every piece in the box and anything at home was taken care of. The dart board she sent with me was missing one red dart. That, unto itself was unusual and unheard of. But what was totally amazing, is that when we moved into our new townhouse here ... stuck in the wall of the totally empty basement was ... a red dart. This sends tingles up my spine to think of this again. It was the final sign of how this move was 'meant to be'.

When I decided to try to support myself by babysitting and take a giant leap of faith to leave a fully secure job, it was exactly the same thing. I asked for a years leave of absence so I could see if I could manage to live off what I could earn. And I was granted that. When the year was up, I asked if I could work on Saturdays (to keep my options open and my foot in the door) and that wish was granted as well. Time and time again, I have run into 'tests of my faith' in the babysitting world. The income you earn when you babysit is unreliable and changes like the wind. And every time I was at a crossroads where I wondered which way I should go ... it never failed. As soon as I made the commitment within myself to stick with the babysitting, something would happen to make it financially feasible again. This has happened so many times that I have lost count. It was as though all I had to do was 'believe' and the rest unfolded as it was meant to be. It was like going with the current of the river.

Today, I have felt and been reminded of this positive flow once again ...

My aunts and Mom got together and thanked me for putting the book together with/for them. This entire Book Process has been like riding along with the flow of that river. As soon as I made the decision to follow through and actually do this, everything fell into place. Nothing was working against me (though I did have my challenges getting to know Microsoft Word!!). It astounds and amazes me just how all I really had to do was 'go with the flow', and the book took care of itself.

Now, this sounds off topic but it really isn't ...

I have been actively searching for a better home for our dog this past while. It wasn't happening easily, and then I read this quote in "The Secret." I told myself that if it felt like I was 'going against the current' that maybe I just had to believe this was happening for a reason and not to fight it. My heart wasn't in that thought though, because I knew that our dog really deserved a more loving and attentive home. I was getting so easily angered with his barking and his recent habit of digging up some new sod.

Then ... today, it happened.

A friend of a friend had just decided that they wanted to adopt an older dog and had gone to the SPCA without their kids to look around. Amazingly, the SPCA didn't have any older dogs and then my friend called her and mentioned our dog that we were trying to find a home for. Everything seemed to be working against us meeting up together this weekend, but I ended up leaving my key with my friend just in case they wanted to come and meet "Mike" while we were gone.

Well, sure enough. It was 'love at first sight'. She called me tonight and asked when they could pick him up. We talked for quite a while and I told her all about Mike, why we got him and why we are looking for a new home for him, his personality and habits (bad and good). She told me their story ... and it just feels like a match made in heaven.

He is such a good dog. But he is so neglected here. And he is going to a home with a 5 and 10 year old boys (I think) who are so excited about this. Mike adores being adored. And he lavishes his love on any willing recipient. And he loves kids.

We're 'going with the flow' once again....

Foiled Again

This is my goal:

And this? Is Jet messing with me. Again.