In Lieu of a Cigarette...

Further to my post yesterday, when I thought I should take up smoking to force me to be still outside and simply take a nature break, I savored my second cup of coffee outside this morning.

It was already hot, so I found a shady spot and let my legs spill out into the sunlight. A robin was chirping and encouraging me to come out and play. It was a very convincing song. I enjoyed every note. 

I sat still. I listened. I watched the birds (mostly sparrows, I think) disappear into our lawn. I spotted a bird using the bird house. I wondered what it must be like to be a bird. I have lived a lifetime of living pay cheque to pay cheque. How different is it to be a bird who lives from meal to meal, with seasonal nesting requirements and keeping safe from danger EVERY day of the year? 

I scanned the blue sky to find a jet stream in the distance. Where had that plane been? Where was it going? Who was on board? Were they travelling for business? Pleasure? A family emergency? So many stories within that little speck in the sky.

I was grateful for our maintained lawn. Several weeks of a disabled lawnmower helped me appreciate the much dreaded task of tending to a lawn during the spring growing season. The lawn needs a fresh cut again, but the dandelions have been tamed and we have a lawnmower that will tend to the task. Oh, how fortunate we are!

Mom's wind chime was still. I gazed at it, remembering times when I felt that chime speak to me on a windless day. I willed it to speak to me this morning but it didn't have anything to say.

Thoughts of Mom and Dad, of those who no longer walk on this earth and recent conversations I have listened to that spoke to the fact of how one lives on after they stop breathing. Without getting all spiritual or whimsical, there is an undeniable truth to those words. I feel Mom's essence within me all the time. I speak and I hear her words come out of my mouth. I hear Dad's wisdom chime in when it comes to that which he taught me or conversations we had. I think of those who are alive and well, and the way they live within me when they are out of sight. Chance encounters with strangers that make a lasting impression. 

I was sitting outside by myself. But I was not alone. 

Breathing in the moment without distraction was the best gift we can give ourselves. Take some time to deeply inhale today. Exhale and do your best to let go of the toxins within. It can't hurt and maybe, just maybe it will help just a bit.

20 seconds of "Morning Bliss"

On the Other Side

I have made it through what I anticipated would be the hardest day of the week. One hurdle met with a gusto and I was energized on the other side. Another hurdle was easier than anticipated. Hard. But done. Done is good. The third hurdle wasn't one I was anticipating. Those are the ones that can catch us. The unexpected.

As challenging as my day felt, the key players in the other side of this story are the ones who are the heros. For me, it was a day. More specifically, it was hours. For them, it is their life.

A life they didn't ask for or expect. A life that continues to evolve and the hurdles just keep coming. The landscape keeps changing and they are losing control of a life they lived fully.

To open your eyes and wake up to a brand new day feeling like you know what you may expect is a gift. Even if what you expect isn't something that excites you, there is something to be said for even a slightly unremarkable life.

Today, I shall simply appreciate what I often take for granted.

Health - a body and brain that continues to work as expected

Home - shelter from the storms of life and everything within it (even the cat hair)

Happiness - simply content with the life I have and those who play a vital part within it

Independence - the ability to work, pay the bills and live this life as I know it

Yes, life has its moments that challenge us.

When the moment is not a lifetime, we are fortunate.

When we wish a moment we are in would last forever, we are rich.

Even within the hours I found challenging yesterday, 

I found moments that evoked a smile or small chuckle I shared with those in my company.

For that moment,

all was well in the world.

Magic and Miracles

I often marvel at the magical and rather miraculous little life I live.

It is a simple life measured by small regularly occurring miracles such as good health, living in a safe/comfortable/affordable home (and country) which houses all of my needs/wants/desires. 

I have the ability to provide for myself and be self reliant. 

I am beyond grateful for the supportive community of family and friends.

I am content and at peace with where I am, who I am and where I think I'm headed.

I live in a magical fairy tale land where I create stories and happy endings to put the story-teller part of my mind at rest.

It is a wonderful little life I am living.

Then? I looked at the household products I reached for this morning:

MAGIC Eraser

MIRACLE Cloth

Can this stuff be bought? Maybe.

Whatever little things it takes to add a dash of magic and small miracles to your day, may you find just a few little magical moments as you navigate throughout the hard day in front of you.

May the force be with you!

In Your Own Back Yard

I'm feeling a tad wordless this morning (thank goodness, you may be thinking as you read this),

so I have returned to a post I started last week.

As I headed out on my morning stroll, I admired the lilacs in bloom in our own back yard. This is the view from the catwalk beside our house:

Hidden out of view in this picture is a rabbit who I followed into a neighborhood I rarely, if ever, explore on my walks. I was focused on the rabbit and where it led rather than taking in the scenery all around me. It was an incredible journey.

When I returned home, my attention was once again focused on the lilac tree in full bloom right in our own back yard.

[yes, I see the tree is in need of some trimming to get rid of the dead branches]

As invigorating as it was to get out, walk and explore the neighborhood, returning home brought the sense of "ahhhh" I have come to know and love. 

I could hear the echoes of my daycare days when every nook and cranny of our back yard was put to use.

I envision each of our (past and present) cats enjoying our yard in their own unique ways.

I remember when Mom and I sat on the deck one cool Good Friday morning and she told me, as she had told me many times before, that Good Friday is often overcast and dreary. The sun usually comes out Easter Sunday.

I reminisce about the many visits I've had on our deck. Family gatherings, one-on-one visits, sharing a "cold beverage" after a hot day or a cup of coffee on a cool COVID-restricted-visiting day.

I think of the times I simply stopped and savored the present moment, listening to birds, watching the sky, letting my thoughts wander ...

Sometimes we only have to go as far as our own back yard to find exactly what we are looking for.

Waterless

When I heard of the winter storm and ensuing power outage in Texas last week, I couldn't help but put myself in their shoes. What devastation a three day power outage would wreak in the dead of a Saskatchewan winter. I cannot begin to fathom the ramifications. 

So when our water stopped running unexpectedly a few days ago, instead of feeling frustrated, I simply felt grateful.

I always keep an extra water supply on hand. It started as a way of helping our extra fridge not have to work so hard to keep the fridge cool by filling the empty space with several 4 litre jugs of water. This very water has been a godsend on more than one occasion.

As our lack of water situation unfolded from one day into the next, we felt destined to believe we would be without water for the entire 48 hour period (the maximum amount of time on the notice that was hand delivered after the fact).

I had packed a few empty 4 litre jugs with me when I went to visit my aunt yesterday. After checking one last time before I headed for home to hear our "no water" situation had not changed, I filled my jugs anticipating the need to flush a toilet would soon become a necessity [the warning "You have ONE flush left - use it wisely" had been heeded and utilized].

By the time I got home, our water had been restored. The sound of running water and flushing toilets was music to our ears.

In all, we were without water about 31 hours. All I could think of during that time is "What if we had been without power during that time? Or both power and water? And had to deal with freezing pipes and cold and safe guarding ourselves and electronic belongings from frigid temperatures?" 

Running water is a convenience we have come to take for granted. Power has become a necessity during our Saskatchewan winters.

May I simply say "thank you" to all concerned that keep things running as expected? This is huge. We are so very fortunate. I am grateful for this opportunity to be reminded of the fact.

It's a Wonderful Life

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and decided to utilize my wakefulness to go to the bathroom and do a quick check to see if a rabbit (or three) was in our front yard. The moment my feet hit the floor, I thought "I LOVE my life!"

Pure, uncensored words from my heart and soul came to my mind. I love my life. I am not only grateful for the simple life I live but for the appreciation I have for it. 

I long for nothing. Not a thing. I am thankful I can fill our cupboards, fill my gas tank, live in a home that is not only safe, warm and comfortable, it feels like a warm embrace to live within these four walls of ours.

I started "loving my walls" decades and decades ago. It all started in 1979...

My one year old son and I moved into our new home. It was a subsidized townhouse condominium which  was everything I could have ever hoped for. A brand new affordable home and a brand new life. Our future felt bright. 

I was young, starry eyed and in love. "I love our walls!!", I vividly remember thinking.

We lived under that roof until 1987. There were many tumultuous years as my on again, off again marriage lived out stories within those very walls. If those walls could talk, I wouldn't want to hear what they had to say. 

It was a blessing in disguise when my husband refused to leave. I didn't even fight. I simply packed up our children and drove away. I didn't want to live within those walls any longer.

We moved to a new city, new province and a new townhouse which immediately replicated the safe, comfortable and warm embrace our prior home provided. I remember settling in to our new lives, feeling a sense of serenity I hadn't felt in a long time and thinking the words, "I love our walls!" We were home again.

Our final and current home was one that simply called out to me and begged us to move in. It was love at first sight and I couldn't hide the fact from the seller. The price was firm and I didn't care. I knew this house was destined to be our home.

These walls have a few stories to tell. I have fought to maintain the serenity I found within our home. There have been numerous occasions when I found myself once again thinking, "I love our walls!!"

Loving our "walls" had little to nothing to do with the condition of our home. These walls represent everything that is important to me. Safety, security, comfort, warmth and serenity. Everything I aspire to feel deep within myself. Loving our walls has everything to do with loving my life.

I hear the echo of discontent in so many I talk with. For any and every number of reasons, there is unease, worry, heartache, loss, fear and a general feeling of weariness. 

I wish I could bottle up my inner sense of contentment and gift it to those who are lacking what I have in abundance. If I could wave my magic wand and wish you anything, my wish for you would be to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and have the words, "I love my life!" spring directly from your subconsciousness to the fore front of your mind.

It's a wonderful life I am living. Please come on over and I'll share it with you.

Throwback Thursday

My only thoughts this morning are "there goes another month".

I wistfully wondered where we will be standing a year from now. Who would have predicted our current state of being?

I have since been scrolling through my blog posts from Septembers in the past. This is the one that spoke to me the loudest. 

A little throwback Thursday post from one year ago with no glimmer of what the next year had in store:

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Look How Far You've Come

While scrolling through the internet this morning, I found a few words that spoke to me:

Credit to: Goalcast

I thought I would reflect on the year and went to check my blog history. September, 2018? Nothing. Not a post.

I then went to look up my 2018 calendar to fill in the blanks. I couldn't find it. I searched through my income tax papers where I always keep my calendar. Not a thing.

Okay, memory. Kick in. What were you doing a year ago?

I remembered September started by a trip with my brother to see my uncle in Guelph. I remember going to my sister's the weekend after that.

I remember feeling a lightness of heart starting to take hold but without the crutches of my blog or a calendar to look back on my memories faded to black. It was a scary feeling.

I scrambled to scroll back on some old texts to find a frame of reference. I found a text where I was headed out to Lloydminster with my son. After reading a few of the messages before and after this trip I was grounded with the knowledge that I remembered what was written in between the texts.

Once my feet were back on the ground and I was thinking clearly, I found my old calendar. Right where I expected it to be.

I flipped back to September, 2018. One year plus six days ago, I received the Final Clearance Letter for Mom's estate. A sibling trip was planned and we officially wound up everything pertaining to Mom's estate shortly thereafter.

We are planning another sibling trip this upcoming weekend. I will be headed off to see my uncle soon. Other events are mirroring those of one year ago.

Two years ago, the loss of Mom was fresh and I felt broken. A year ago, I was picking up the pieces and healing. This year seems to be a renewed version of the year past.

Life has moved on. There is a lot of the same old, same old. Just the way I like it. It feels like the good old days seasoned with the present.

How far have I come? I have a home renovation to celebrate. I am fortunate enough to still be employed. We are all in good spirits and our family relationships are healthy. I'm standing in a very similar place to where I was a year ago but the landscape has changed a little. I am grateful. So very grateful to be back where I have been but feeling better about it.

How about you? What has the last year brought into your life? I hope there have been rainbows after the rain, strength when you need it, courage to keep putting one foot in front of another and the company of those you enjoy to walk through your days.

Back to the present again ...

P.S. I am missing our annual sibling trip terribly. COVID-19, you can leave any time. We have learned quite enough from your presence

The Vacation Not Taken

In a preemptive move after last year's excessive holiday spending, I started saving the vacation pay off of every pay cheque. I started my savings on August 31st. I have just been paid to July 31st. One year's savings have accumulated. 

One year of slow but steady saving has resulted in a grand total of $1,475.92 sitting in a little nest egg with the words "vacation pay" noted on each and every deposit.

In the grand scheme of things it is a pretty small amount. But if I hadn't put it aside, this very same amount of money would have been eaten up by day to day living. I am quite certain my chequing account would not have ended up with an excess equal to this amount. In my brain, chequing accounts = spending accounts. Money simply passes through and the goal is to keep it in the black (which normally results in a balance quite close to zero). 

Yes! I have a little vacation fund!! Yay, me!!!

Here I sit in my quiet little COVID world, spending little, going out less and quite enjoying the long harvest this year. I have spent many months squirreling away my acorns for a "winter" (aka: vacation) that is not on the horizon.

Do I long for time off? Yes. Do I wish I had vacation plans? No.

My thoughts continue to swirl around and focus on our home and the bathrooms that never got updated in the Year of Renovations. I think how fast $10,000 would go if we tackled a bathroom and I am quite happy to sit home and continue doing what I am doing.

I ponder the day when my 18 year old car will need to be replaced. Never in a million years would I replace it with a brand new vehicle but again, $10,000 would disappear very quickly when looking for a newer, reliable car.

I know the world is becoming restless with social distancing advisories, ever-increasing cases of COVID-19 and coming to terms with the realization that our "new normal" is unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetime.

I also realize our economy would be in real trouble if everyone in the world was content to stay home and squirrel away any excess they may find in their already sparse budget fearing the long, cold winter which may or may not be the result of this strange new world we are navigating. 

But I'm not adding to our country's deficit and I am paying my own way. So I am playing a small part in not worsening the state of our economy.

Another year of saving may result in doubling today's figure. One year in our future, a vacation may be something I would consider. The truth of the matter is we have absolutely no idea where we may be one year from now. Who would have ever predicted today's reality?

To save or not to save. That is the question.

I love the idea of my vacation fund. This small little savings account allows me a place to dream. Just a little. The vacation not taken this year will provide an opportunity for something else to step in, in its place. 

Another Month Bites the Dust

Another month has flown by in my bookkeeping world and I continue to run out of month before I run out of work. 

I remember the saying "There is too much month left over at the end of the money" which has been the story of my life as I have precariously balanced my personal finances throughout my adulthood.

This is a new dilemma. "There is too much work left at the end of the month".

This is either very good (if there continues to be work to do, this helps my job stability) or very bad (if I an not working efficiently enough perhaps there is a better person for my job).

At this very moment in time, it feels like a good thing. I am working. I am working hard. I am working a lot. I am working hard at becoming more proficient at my job. I am working from home.

I am working. I feel valued. I feel productive (most days). 

I am busy. My mind is consumed. There is a defined difference between "work", "leisure" and "me time".

I am earning my way, paying the bills and keeping on top of where I need to be financially.

In this world, especially during this time, I recognize and appreciate how truly blessed I am to have all of the above.

Where would I be without my job? How much of my identity and self worth is intertwined with what I do and my ability to earn a pay cheque? If I wasn't working, would I continue to feel valued, productive, busy and my thoughts consumed with life outside myself? Would my days have definition or would they all start to blur together and feel the same?

Life as we know it can change in a New York minute. At this moment in time, I am grateful. Simply grateful. 

Monday is Having an Identity Crisis

The joy of working from home is that as long as I get the job done, I can work within a time frame that works best for me.

When it comes to the Big Jobs, I like to have hours on end at my disposal. Hours without a deadline. Ironically enough, those hours now seem to land on the occasional weekend.

I just worked three consecutive long, productive days. It is now Monday and I am in a Sunday frame of mind. It is lovely.

I woke up early and simply followed the path of least resistance.

That path led me to the living room window. No rabbits in sight, I grabbed a book and settled into the couch and read. No coffee to kick start the morning. I simply read. And it was good.

My stomach started to recognize my morning routine was off and started to grumble a bit. I fed it a smoothie and it is appeased for the moment.

I revelled in the easiness of Monday's word puzzles after losing too many hours to Sunday's "5 star" difficulty level. 

I like Monday to start on a "1 star" level of difficulty after a "5 star" weekend.

I love working from home. I can work when working conditions are best. My days can have an identity crisis and I can sit back and enjoy a peaceful easy Monday morning feeling.

Some Assembly Required

I picked up groceries bright and early this morning and felt just a tad overwhelmed at the task set out before me. "What was I thinking? Buying all of these 'ingredients'!" I sighed and thought to myself "Some assembly is required ..."

We have been existing on easy-to-assemble, pre-made, frozen meals much of this COVID season. I patted myself on the back, marveling at how little we were spending on take-out. I could have lived like this forever but I do not live alone.

So I bought some better groceries this time around. Yes, some assembly was required but it will be well worth the effort.

Then I thought of the weekend past. It was definitely a weekend where some assembly was required.

My Middle Son had designed, constructed and delivered a custom bookshelf. But it was not yet in its final destination. Some assembly was required.

I thought the hard part had been done. And it had. But it still took many hours to ensure it would bear the burden of the weight of Mom's library of books. A few adjustments here, there and probably somewhere else. The need to move and re-glue a few pieces of trim. Paint touch ups. Caulking. A top shelf. More painting. Baseboards. It was a full day's work.

After my son finished his part, I had the fun job of filling the shelves. I should have taken a picture of all the bins of books. I just kept sighing ... there were so many books. Yes, I had the fun part. But due to my state of feeling easily overwhelmed lately the task felt daunting at first.

Some assembly was required.

Then I woke up the next morning with my thoughts firing on all cylinders. I could move these books here, those there and the other ones will fit into the completed unit.

Then ... if I could enlist some help, maybe I could empty my office to create the room for the desk and folding table we have downstairs. My Youngest Son accepted the challenge and he was my partner in recreating a renewed office space. More disassembly AND reassembly required.

I shuffled things around until they felt like it created a organized work space. Then I worked for several hours just to test the theory. It felt so incredible to work in this space. I can't believe I didn't do this before.

I have been going through the paces. Marking time. Crossing days off the calendar. Doing what has been required. Earning a pay cheque. Paying bills. Eat, sleep, work, eat some more, watch my current DVD favorite TV series, eat to stay awake, sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Daily.  Nothing was terribly wrong. But nothing was terribly right either.

Then came the weekend where "some assembly was required". Thankful for my sons who did 99% (maybe 100%) of the assembly, I am reaping the benefits.

I am wandering through our home appreciating every nook and cranny. I love the way our home feels. Mom's room has turned out exactly as I had envisioned it. My office is "my room" and it is coming together in a way I can visualize working-from-home as a viable retirement plan.

Sometimes, life does take a little assembly. As a general rule, it is well worth the effort.

Hope Springs Eternal

I'm a bit of a dreamer. 

I like to think I'm an optimistic thinker. 

Gratitude is my daily prayer. 

Faith is simply my belief that (one way or another), things will work out. 

Some how. 

Some way. 

The sun always rises. 

We get a new chance every day. 

Even when we don't want it. 

The sun keeps shining through the closed blinds 

as if to beckon us out of whatever moment we are in 

and invite us to open the blinds to behold the wonder of life.

I had a very quiet weekend.

I love quietness.

I took one day to do all the hard things.

I washed my hair.

I vacuumed.

I washed a load of "whites".

I washed the shower curtain.

I wrote a blog.

I replied to an email.

Then I rested.

I woke up yesterday to a fresh new day.

All the hard things had been done.

A clean slate.

I knew exactly what I wanted to write on that slate.

I wanted to work.

And I did.

I put in a productive day.

I did hard things.

Then I rested.

I slept in this morning.

I missed the early morning dawn when I normally spot our neighborhood rabbits.

I know for a fact we have three rabbits.

I suspect we have four.

One morning, I saw one rabbit. 

I dubbed this rabbit "Loner",

because there always seems to be one rabbit who is set apart from the rest.

Loner hopped out of sight.

I waited.

I wondered if "The Twins" would appear.

We have a set of rabbits who seem to travel together.

When you see one, the other is usually in sight.

Then there is "A Third" who sometimes joins them.

Sometimes not.

I waited only a few moments.

I was rewarded with the appearance of "The Twins", 

soon followed by "The Third".

Yes,

"I think we have four rabbits",
I told my son who is tiring of my rabbit tales.

I thought I had no hope of spotting a rabbit at this morning's late hour.

I opened the blinds.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear ...

but FOUR rabbits!

Now, my question is:

"Do we have four rabbits?

(the Loner, Twins & a Third) ...

or do we have eight rabbits??

The only other time I spotted four rabbits at the same time

is when they hopped in from the south 

and joined the Twins & a Third (Loner had already taken off to the west).

Four rabbits at one sighting.

In the daylight.

So I could document the moment.

I felt like this morning's rabbit sighting was a reward.

A pat on the back for doing the hard things this weekend past.

A nod of approval that sleeping in is okay.

A sign that just because we don't see something doesn't mean it isn't there.

And a definite sign of spring!

The rabbits are shedding their winter coats,

the snow is melting,

daylight is exceeding moonlight,

and it is (finally) warming up.

The sun rises every morning.

Spring is guaranteed to follow winter.

Eventually.

It sometimes feels there is little we know to be true these days.

We don't know how long before we can reignite our social lives and our economy

as this COVID-19 pandemic rules the world.

We don't know the lasting impact this will have.

We don't know who will be infected.

We have no idea how this virus could infiltrate our lives.

Just keep waking up.

Open the blinds and gaze outside.

Do one of the hard things you didn't do yesterday. 

Or not.

You can do hard things tomorrow too.

Rest.

Always rest.

Be grateful for the smallest of things.

Prepare to be amazed.

Marvel at the world around you and dare to wonder ...

This morning

I am wondering

do we just have four rabbits in our midst,

or eight?

Either way,

With spring, comes baby rabbits.

Hope springs eternal.

I've Been Preparing for "This" My Whole Life

I apologize in advance, for what I am about to write. I know I am an anomaly. I know what I think and feel is not mirrored by the majority. I know so very many people are being affected deeply by this period of isolation. I cannot begin to imagine what it feels like to be separated from a loved one in a long term care home or hospital as we manage what is known about the coronavirus. To those people, I am sorry. I cannot begin to know what it feels like in your shoes.

That disclaimer out of the way and the invitation to stop reading now if you feel what I may have to say does not apply, I am going to get "real" for a few paragraphs. Leave now if you wish. I promise I will write about rabbits, cats and rainbows another day. Just not today.

Back to the beginning now ...

I woke up to the most glorious morning yesterday. I had ordered my groceries online and yesterday morning was my pick-up-day.

Being able to choose one's groceries from the comfort of their home is a gift like no other. I sat and pondered brand names, prices, sizes and asked myself the question "Do you really need three packages of chocolate bars in order to save $0.86 per package? Or is it wiser to buy only one package and save $5.14?"

I made smarter choices than I would have, had I been walking up and down the aisles with a grocery cart far too big for my needs and a subconscious desire to make a grocery trip worth while. When I was out and about during this time of just-stay-home warnings, my cravings and emotional side tended to overrule common sense.

I did make the mistake of not creating an account first, so I was unable to change my grocery order between the time of my shopping and pick-up day. Once I found this out, I never looked at my order again and just awaited yesterday morning. Add a small dose of age-related amnesia to the mix and emptying the grocery bags felt like Christmas morning. I was so excited to see what I forgot I had ordered!

The store advised me when my order was ready, I called when I arrived, I sat in the designated waiting spot and soon enough, someone came out with my groceries. All I had to do was pop the lid of my trunk open. They had picked out everything on my list, packed it up and loaded the bags into the trunk. All I had to do was sit safely in my car.

Since I was out and about anyway, I topped up my gas and went for a leisurely ride through the car wash to wash away the winter grime. I left the house at 8:10 a.m. and returned at 8:55 a.m. Other than getting gas, I never left the car.

Forty five minutes to do all that had to be done for the week? And someone else did my shopping for me? I was one very happy camper and eagerly unpacked, washed and put away our groceries before I headed straight into my work-day from home.

Working from home has required more discipline than I had at the onset. But I'm finding my groove and this is working very well for me.

I have modified our spare bedroom into an office. Everything I need is contained within a room-with-a-door. Other than the printer, all of my work is contained within this room. May I say this again? A room-with-a-door. A door I close at the end of my day's work to create a tangible separation from the "work" and "home" portions of my life.

I'm getting more exercise than ever before as I work at my day job. The printer is located at the end of the hallway and if several pages are printed, they will fall onto the floor helter skelter. So I find myself making several trips and often it isn't even worth sitting down between printer-runs.

The printer is atop of my personal filing cabinet, beside the fridge.
Point of interest:
The white board is erased of all appointments, social commitments and errands - I think I may be in heaven!

I am standing, I am walking and I am simply moving more. "More" is a very relative term. I moved very little in my prior office. Anything more than I had been doing is better than nothing.

I created my "office" out of what I already had on hand. The desk is an old sewing machine cabinet (minus the sewing machine); I emptied out a filing cabinet and moved it into the closet; our stationary and paper shredder now reside the office; I have utilized unused tables, a dresser and even the futon to keep my work in order.

I am pretty content within this little world of mine.

Ordering groceries online, working from home and NO appointments, commitments or social expectations? This. This is what I have been preparing for my whole life. This is my idea of a perfect world.

Is "this" good for me? Time will tell. My motivation level is not high. My happy factor is at a "mediocre" level. My "good enough" rating is through the roof.

As long as I have an internet connection and a telephone to keep me connected to the people outside of these doors, I have everything I need within arm's reach.

But ... the gift I still have and hold is the freedom of knowing I have a choice in the matter. I can leave the house. I still go to my second job three hours of every week day. I do have contact with people outside our home AND our home houses two people and two cats. I am not alone.

I am not being pushed outside my comfort zone and this feels so very good right now. I am in absolutely no hurry for the world to reopen and insist that I rejoin the social masses.

What I have right here, right now is enough. I have so much. I have so VERY much. I have a home I love living in, I have daily contact with humans and felines. We have all the supplies we need. My employment nor income has not been affected. We are not under quarantine orders and we have a sense of freedom with our limitations.

Most importantly, I have my health and (as far as I know) the health of those who touch my world remains stable. I know what I have is beyond a blessing.

My wish for you, is that you are finding what you need within the limitations of this COVID-19 world we are living in. Most of all, I wish you good health, safety and the freedom you need to make it through this time.

Rabbits and Social Distancing

Watching our neighborhood rabbits is one of my all time favorite things to do.

As the world feels like it is spinning out of control and we are bombarded with continual news updates and reminders of the wide spread effect of the world pandemic, I find myself drawn to our living room window waiting and watching for nature to amaze and astound me.

Enter our rabbits.

We have at least three rabbits who frequent our front yard. Sometimes I just spot one, but they seem to be aware of each other's proximity at all times. Whatever language rabbits speak, I'd like to learn it.

They may appear to be isolated but they seem to know others are close by. Something for all of us to keep in mind as isolation is not as comfortable for some as it is for others.

I sat and marveled at the rabbit having a little snack in our front yard as dusk arrived. It was light enough for me to notice the tips of its ears were dark. There are light splotches of dark fur starting to emerge on its back. Its muzzle appeared to be darkening ... 

No matter what is going on in the world around us, spring is coming. Days are lengthening. The sun continues to rise each and every morning. Life goes on.

As I sat and gazed at this rabbit, I silently wished it would turn around and face me so I could glimpse its face. And the rabbit turned around and appeared to be looking right back at me and our cats.

I choose to believe the rabbits sense us watching them and quietly observe us just as much as we watch over them. I believe they sense the safety the pane of glass in our living room window affords them. We can watch and appreciate each other at a distance.

Rabbits are naturals at social distancing. There is so very much in the world around us that can be appreciated best at a distance.

Savor the distance and appreciate what it brings into view. Let's keep looking for the good ...  

You Do Get What You Need

Two down, two to go. The day I stop counting down days until the weekend will be the day I know I have arrived to the elusive destination which feels far beyond my reach.

I realize when one dream is realized it often means the end of the line for another piece of life which has sustained a person until the next plateau.

To reach the point where weekends are not my life line and do not define me, will I be searching for purpose? Companionship? Financial security? What sacrifices will be made to get from "here" to "there"?

What will I lose along the way? What can I do to create the next place I am headed?

My answers lie in gratitude and connection.

I will appreciate what I have while I have it. Life as I know it is not ideal but it is manageable. I believe I must fill myself up with generous doses of sleep, solitude, fulfillment, family, friends and activity to offset the challenging aspects of my days. Balance is key. I cannot exist on work or leisure alone. It is simply that at this stage of living, I do not want my work to define me.

When I am dead and gone, I don't want people to say "She sure was a good worker". I hope instead, they will say some version of "She lived a good life" ... "She was a good friend" ... "She did her best and her best was enough" ... "I am grateful our paths crossed" ...

I am grateful for what I have. I know things could change in a New York minute. I look around me, listen to the people I know and I know I am living a charmed life.

Getting up is hard. But I CAN get up. I jump out of bed and head towards a day which is predictable, safe and provides me with exactly what I need. As I believe my sister was quoted as saying, "You don't always get what you want ... but you do get what you need."

Christmas Snow

May your day be exactly what you need it to be.

It doesn't have to be a Hallmark Christmas kind of day to be a good day. 

We woke up to a fresh new fallen snow.

It is ever so much easier to track our neighorhood rabbits presence with fresh snow.

Best Christmas morning gift I could have hoped for!

Wishing you the gift of waking up to whatever your day may have in store.

A Beautiful Day

I love waking up to a Saturday. A day of no plans, no expectations and the ability to simply go with the flow.

The sense of exhaustion I woke up with was soon replaced with pure, unadulterated relief that I had no where to go and nothing that absolutely needed to be done. I could have spent the day snuggled up on the couch with a good book, a cozy blanket, intermittent TV and it would have been enough.

Instead, I received the perfect gift. A coffee date on the phone. No need to dress, no need to warm up the car or leave the house. Perfection.

Eventually I did voluntarily leave our home when I went on a choose-your-own-Christmas-gift adventure. The outing was a success in every sense of the word.

I could have and should have done so much more. But I didn't. I forgive myself. Today was a gift I gave myself. Tomorrow is another day.

This tends to be the season of high expectations and stress levels. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Do your best, allow yourself an opportunity to call what you do "enough" and let yourself off the hook.

Let the joy come from within and it will be enough. I hope you had a most excellent day too.

Things I Love

Somewhere across my reading travels this weekend, I came upon the suggestion "Everyone should keep a list of the things they love". I wrote a list in my morning pages. I wrote another list in another notebook. I could probably write a list every day and though it would vary slightly depending upon what was moving my soul at the moment, this is my constant:

I love our home
I love being home
I love coming home
I love staying home
I love when friends and family come into our home
I love waking up in our home
I love falling asleep in our home
I love the memories made in our home
I love the aroma of supper cooking in our home
I love the sounds of our home - Mom's clock inside; her wind chimes outside
I love the morning hours in our home
I love when the rabbits wander into our front yard (love it even better when there is a new snowfall that reveals they came and went when I didn't see them)

I added other things too ...

I love watching the snow fall
I love listening to the ticking of the clock
I love white lights
I love our cat family - near and far
I love the sound of a cat's purr
I love watching cats at play
I love to laugh
I love knee shaking, real and honest conversation
I love waking up before the rest of the world starts to stir

I wrote this list from the comfort of our living room as I sat in the stillness and quiet. I loved everything about the moment I was in.

It's hard to leave the place I love most in the world. But it makes me appreciate it all over again when I return.

Rabbit food to entice the rabbits into our yard

Seems to be working, as these are the rabbit tracks I woke up to this morning (entering and exiting our yard)

... and these are a third set of rabbit tracks (exiting the yard) of the rabbit I spotted sitting in our front yard upon my waking this morning

Feeling Angsty

I woke up with a good case of "angst" this morning. It seems to be coming at me from all directions and I don't quite know what to do but wonder if it is just the phase of the moon.

I woke up with the thought "Life could change on a dime". I can think of a few triggers for this ominous thought. Most of all I am berating myself for simply not appreciating life-as-I-know-it. Life is such a delicate, precarious balance of good, bad, stressful, easy, work, leisure, expectations ... and the list goes on and on. And on.

Lesson #1 - "When you wake up to a day that is much like the day you expect it to be, be grateful." There is much to be said for a day like every other.

I then started panicking about the way I've been handling my finances. "I should pretend I don't get one pay cheque and save it." Not only to build up my savings but to practise for the day when my income level will change. Life could change on a dime, you know!

Lesson #2 - take "work like you don't need the money" to a new level and "Work like you aren't getting paid for it - and SAVE!"

Then I got on my own case and berated myself for a project I started and put aside. I have mastered the art of procrastination. I have that quality within me so fine tuned I have forgotten that I have been putting off until next year (or the year after that), what could be done in small step-by-step increments.

Lesson #3 - "One small step in a forward direction will put you one step closer to your goal." Baby steps. One step at a time. Get 'er done, Girl!!

I felt my childhood regret of speaking out loud haunt me this morning. Did I write something or say something I shouldn't have? I labored over replying to a text last night because the words wouldn't come. I overthought something I may have written weeks ago. Coulda, shoulda, woulda kinds of thoughts prevailed.

Lesson #4 - "Just do your best. One day at a time." I can hear Mom tell me "Be careful what you put in writing" and I heed that advise to the best of my ability.

Good health should never be taken for granted. This goes right along with lesson #1 - waking up to a body that works as you have grown accustomed to expecting to is a gift like no other. Life can change on a dime. Prepare for the worst while hoping for the best. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

I take my circumstances for granted. I know I do. I wake up to a warm and cozy home, I jump out of bed and head into my day feeling nothing but a little groggy. I work for people I respect and admire and actually get paid for the privilege. I live in a state of feeling overwhelmed and depleted and don't replenish myself in the ways I could and should.

I do a few things right. I do my best. I endeavour to be kind to everyone. I am grateful.

I make mistakes. We all do. I try my best. But I still fail. I wake up every morning with the opportunity to try, try again.

I'm feeling angsty this morning. Perhaps because I woke up with the knowledge that I need to try a little harder today.

Adulting is Hard

Do kids these days know how lucky they really are?!

"Nap time!!" I remember well, telling my daycare family how lucky they were to get to have an afternoon nap. Oh, how I wish someone would tell me I to be still, be quiet, rest and let sleep overtake me.

How I would love someone to ground me. "You are not to leave the house for a week, Young Lady!!" Music to my ears. Even if I wasn't called young.

"You must be home by 10:00!" No, no, no ... 10:00 is too late. "How about 8:00?" I can hear myself bargaining.

"I cooked you a good supper - the least you can do is try some!" Someone cooking for me?! Are you kidding me? The best part of childhood is completely overlooked until one must feed themselves.

"Turn off the TV and go read a book!" Why is it as an adult, you forget how good it feels to tune out the world, open a book and loose yourself in the world of a good story?

I would add "You are not allowed to go to that party!" to my list but my quiet little life is not party oriented. No work Christmas parties. Ever. This is the best part of life as I know it.

"Go to bed early!" Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!

I think I may just do that. 

G'night!😴