Body, Heal Thyself

I have marvelled on many occasions how this vessel I live in (my body) has the ability to recover from a myriad of things on its own. With little or no outside intervention, it rights itself and maintains its equilibrium. Much like how a cat lands on its feet.

I have been wandering through my days feeling a little bit "powder bluish". Not a deep, dark blue mood. Not even a regular "blue" feeling. Just a little bit of a faded blue. I recognize the state and know from past experiences that life has natural ebbs and flows. As I was getting frustrated with myself for my inability to snap out of it, I thought of the "snap out of it" scene from Moonstruck, chuckled a little and I was cured (until next time).

I rarely feel sick but when I recently had a bout with a stomach ailment which grounded me for a day, I slept it off, recouped, recovered and moved on. No intervention required.

A sunburnt face which peeled, peeled and peeled some more. It took a while but my skin has stopped shedding and I'm back to my normal skin tone. No matter how much I tried to moisturize and ease my way through this minor dilemma, my body healed in its own time, in its own way.

Each time I catch my body in a heal and recover mode, I look upward and utter "thank you". Every time I climb out of the other side of the doldrums, I am grateful. Any time I notice my body taking care of me and doing its level best to recover, I am appreciative.

A few nights ago, I took a 3 mile walk. Nothing strenuous, I wore good shoes and everything was in my favor. It was an enjoyable stroll. I came home, had supper and stretched my legs out on a chair. Ahhh. Then I got up. My ankle was not happy supporting the weight of my body while it walked. 

My ankle was fine for the entirety of my walk and in the aftermath. There was no trauma. Did I stretch something when I elevated my feet and relaxed? Would this become an ongoing issue like my painful "resting neck syndrome"?

I pampered my ankle with its own pillow when I went to bed. I awoke in the middle of the night and strolled down the hall to write some middle-of-the-night pages. Ouch. My ankle still hurt. I wrapped it in a tensor bandage and left it on for the rest of the night. 

I awoke to an ankle that was still a little angry. I wandered through my morning routines and my ankle was better. Then came the test. I dropped my car off for an oil change and walked (not quite a mile) to work. I never thought of my ankle again. It healed itself.

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!

I am beyond grateful for my body's ability to retain its state of homeostasis. Our bodies work hard to maintain all that makes us run smoothly. When everything runs as expected, it is easy to take it all for granted. I'm grateful for life's little wake up calls to remind me to simply be grateful.

Taking Care of Your Future Self

I remember a time when my son came over to fix something around the house. He was looking around for (or may have brought) the tools required to do the job, when he found everything he was looking for all together in a spot in the laundry room. "Man, I take good care of my future self" he commented as he appreciated the foresight he had the last time he had tended to this task.

I think of this comment often as I walk through my little life. Taking good care of your future self is a much more optimistic way of looking at the same side of the coin, "Man, I hate always having to do this".

I go back to my training when I became a bank teller. It was highly suggested to always keep your work space tidy and organized. Knowing you always had the supplies you needed and exactly where to find them made life easier. This is a universal way of living life.

I have a back-up supply of the repetitive grocery, household, stationary and most car/garage items on hand. When I'm down to the second last item, it's already on the list so it's always there when I need it. 

I have a morning routine that doesn't change much from day to day. Morning coffee, morning smoothie, second cup of coffee, followed by some actual food item. Each phase of this little routine is followed by washing and putting away said cups/glasses/etc. As I put away each item, it feels like I've accomplished a small feat. Everything is back in its place and ready to go for the next morning.

My second job requires leaving the house an hour earlier in the morning. That lost hour is hard to regain so I do everything in my power to take care of my future self. As tough as it may feel to wash my hair the night before or make that lunch when I know I could squeeze it into the morning, I think of my son's words. I will be grateful for taking care of my future self the next morning when time is slipping through my fingertips.

Meal prep on the weekends; mowing the lawn when it doesn't feel like a convenient time; filling the propane tank when I'm already outside and dusty; any number of chores that feel like drudgery and I get little satisfaction or enjoyment from, I remind myself "Your future self will be grateful".

I know I need to incorporate some regular form of exercise into my routine and I have yet to make a change. The biggest obstacle I face is not wanting to lose any of my precious morning time, nor do I want to get up any earlier. I know my future self will be grateful but my present day self is pretty set in her ways.

It is so much better to frame things in a manner which makes it as easy as possible on yourself. What feels hard at the moment? Would your future self be grateful if you did it anyway? 

The Calm Before the Storm

I am sitting in a warm, insulated, fully stocked bubble of joy this morning. Snow is coming. Lots of it. And I am all nestled in, in the way I aim to live every single weekend - no errands to run and everything I need is in the house or within walking distance.

My small promise to myself is "don't drive on the weekend". It started when I spent a lot of weekends in my little oasis away from home. A small house in a small town where one doesn't need to drive anywhere. I would park the car when I arrived Friday night and it wouldn't move until I went home Monday morning. 

I loved the feeling of having a car available but not needing to use it. It took me back to my daycaring days, when I worked at home and everything we did during the day had to be within walking distance. It was the exact opposite of today's reality. The feeling of knowing the car is available but not utilized is a comfort.

Suddenly, Mom comes to mind. When she gave up her driver's license it was an assault to her freedom. She drove only when necessary, her routes were tried and true, she drove only when driving conditions were at their best and only in the daylight hours. She drove so little, her car battery died on her one time. Yet - she knew the option to drive herself and be fully independent was available.

There was a stretch of time between when she stopped driving and when her car insurance ran out, when she kept her car in the garage so it was still available for someone else to drive for her. I do believe being a passenger in her own car was perhaps one of her favorite modes of transportation. "Driving Miss Daisy Margaret" was a movie she often referred to, when it came to describing her ideal way of getting around.

It is a great comfort to have all you need within the place you call home and know your independence is fully intact. It feels even better when you have the added insurance of knowing your supplies are fully stocked and everything you need to occupy yourself is within the walls you call home.

I'm feeling pretty fortunate this morning. Milk, toilet paper, grocery, home, cat and office supplies are in stock. The car's gas tank is full, credit card balances are all sitting at my favorite number in the world - zero. Library books and DVD's are queued up and ready to entertain me. I can finalize my taxes, finish organizing my office files, finish shredding the last of a very large box of personal shredding (and there is so much more where that came from!). I can work, I can play, I can write, I can read, I could call a friend. 

It is the calm before the storm. In so very many ways ...

The before:

A foot of snow is in our forecast, so I will update "the after" very soon.

The storm ...

Firing on All Cylinders

I feel open and receptive to the messages the world has to offer at the moment. My "openness" ebbs and flows with the tidal waves of living and I am always grateful for the moments of clarity that seem to appear when I am able to be still, listen and absorb all at the same time. 

That is exactly where I am in this moment.

As I tuned into CBC television to await Charles' coronation, a podcast by Gavin Crawford called "Let's Not Be Kidding" was advertised. When googling Gavin's name, the first line of his bio states: "If laughter really was the best medicine, Gavin Crawford would have cured his mother of Alzheimer’s disease." (https://www.cbc.ca/listen/cbc-podcasts/1387-let-s-not-be-kidding-with-gavin-crawford

He had me at "hello". Thank you Gavin, for your first hand recollection of oh-so-relatable memories and situations, and also to your co-starring cast of those who are or have walked the path of caring for a loved one with any form of dementia. Adding a dose of humor to a disease that isn't the least bit funny helps make the situation more palatable. Hearing first hand, of those who have walked a mile in these shoes is truly a gift. 

Once I listened to Episode One, I was hooked. I listened to all seven episodes concurrently (and made a few salads while I listened - the most painless cooking I've done in a long time). Thank you, Gavin. Thank you!!

An email from the library, reminding me that my book is due in a few days propelled me straight toward Michelle Obama's book "The Light We Carry" this morning.

I put down Michelle's book last weekend to open Harry's book "Spare" and had forgotten the way Michelle's writing spoke to me. The moment I reopened the book this morning, I was hooked. She had me at "Good morning!". 

The only pitfall to reading Michelle's book is the tangents of thought I get carried away with. Any stories relating to her parents, the way her mom was raised and the way Michelle was mothered had me comparing and contrasting my own personal memories of my own siblings, along with Mom and her siblings. "Life back then didn’t revolve around kids. For the most part they were seen and not heard", Mom said. "It’s more like they were heard of and never seen" her sister added. Which triggered a long list of thoughts and perceptions as I compared Michelle's lens with Mom's ...

It didn't end there. As Michelle continued to write, she continued to ignite memories, thoughts and words that I'd like to sit still with one day. I grabbed a notepad, scribbled down my thoughts and filled two (small) pages. Wow! I may still have some inspiration and words within me after all. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you for helping me find my own light!

 Ping! Ping! Ping! My brain was on fire and I was having a hard time absorbing Michelle's words, so I got up and got some chili simmering in the slow cooker. Wow. Salads AND chili!! "If I cook it, WILL they come?" I wondered as I prepped a few salads to go and a few more to stay. I'm really on fire!!

I cannot wait to finish Michelle's book so I can focus on Harry again. I have an audiobook/library book combo so I'm listening to the first part of his book as I drive, while I fast forwarded to "Part 3" of his physical book. He has a lot to say and I don't want to miss a word. In fact, I'd really like to chat with him in person after the day he had yesterday, at his dad's coronation.

The clock is ticking the morning away and I still have a few things I'd like to get done before the clock strikes twelve. I feel like Cinderella but my clock is chiming at noon instead of midnight. And after all I've been learning about royalty, I'm sure not waiting for Prince Charming's arrival on the scene.

So much to do, so much to think, so much to write. I feel alive!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who fired me up and reignited some spark within me that has been starved for oxygen. Thank you!

Valuing What We Already Have

This morning, I had a fleeting memory of a friend from long ago. She was a single mom. She wanted the best for her child. We worked together in a financial institution. She was fired when it was discovered she forged a withdrawal from an inactive bank account. We never spoke of this indiscretion but remained friends afterward.

The last time I visited with her, she was married and living "the good life" in a beautiful new house with no financial worries. It would appear she had it all. Except I walked away from our visit sensing something amiss. Her eyes weren't happy. There was something missing that money couldn't buy.

I'll never know what became of her. We lost touch and went on to live our own lives.

I have no idea why that memory surfaced this morning. The feeling I had when I walked away from that visit where everything looked perfect on the outside. I remember thinking "money can't buy happiness" and the look in those eyes are a reminder to this day.

If I have one trait I am willing to commend myself on, I would say it is the lack of envy. I don't want what others have. I don't look at material wealth, belongings, relationships, careers, vacations, physical attributes and feel jealous. I appreciate what others have but know if I want things differently for myself, I must do the work to get there.

Living a comfortable life, where I have the ability to pay the bills to keep a roof over our head, food and fuel to sustain us and an income that provides for day-to-day living is a blessing. 

It goes without saying that harmony within that very home, healthy relationships and physical/mental health and mobility top my list gratitude list.

But I am my mother's daughter. Once those creature comforts are met and sustained, my home and how I feel in it and about it tops my priority list, as far as material desires and wishes. 

Our home renovations a few years ago were a time of great joy. Spiffing up what we had with new flooring, doors, light fixtures, window coverings and new paint felt like more of a revival than a renovation. We carried that maintenance outside and our home felt loved again.

I didn't buy new furniture, pictures or accessories of any kind (well, I did buy a new soap dispenser, a red hand towel and oven mitts for the kitchen). I didn't need to go hog wild. I just wanted to maintain what we had and everything else was good enough. At least until the cats die. Then it is my mission to buy new living room furniture.

I feel very much the same way when it comes to this new little home-away-from-home I've adopted. I gaze across the street and see lovely newer homes with well maintained yards. I don't want what they have. I want what we already own to reflect a certain pride of ownership. Just spiff things up, clean and maintain what we have then just dream of future plans that reflect what we hope for. 

I don't envy those who have what I don't have. But I can't wait to wander aimlessly through the streets to see what others have done with their yards and see what ideas we can borrow from others. 

But there is something I must confess. I do have a pretty strong case of "laundry room envy". I look at other people's clean, functional laundry rooms with cool features like flooring, actual finished ceilings and a clean organized space to hang and fold laundry ... and I am envious.

I know I have nothing to complain about. Our laundry room has come a long way. The washer and dryer actually sit beside each other now (instead of across the room). We have a wall of shelving to die for. There is room within the laundry room to house our furnace, water heater, a spare fridge and all of our cat's needs. All it really needs is flooring, a ceiling and a clean folding space to complete my wish list.

But my home-away-from-home? I am grateful it came with a functioning washer and dryer. We would be lost without that. But beyond that? It's got a long way to go.

As Mike Holmes would say, we must start with the foundation. It's pretty scary in that basement. Creepy may be an apt description. With that new foundation will come the potential for the laundry room I've always wished for. Maybe. I'll still settle for a fully functional washer and dryer. For without those, a beautiful laundry room has no function.

Seeing the value in what we already have is key to feeling "rich". I have everything money can't buy. And I am grateful.

I Wanted to Stay

The temptation to spend Sunday night at my little home-away-from-home was strong. I could have stayed. An early morning commute this morning could have put me where I needed to be in time for my work day. But I came home. Time to catch my breath and transition back to my regularly scheduled life won.

Sunday morning coffee on the back deck at my home-away-from-home

Monday morning coffee at home

 When I realized I could not head out to this little oasis this upcoming Friday due to a social commitment (I miss COVID restrictions already), I literally sighed aloud in a room by myself, "Oh NO!!" 

I don't want to go home! Don't get me wrong. I still love being home. But to love how I feel in this new home-away-from home? What a wonderful feeling!

Grateful For Deadlines

As the number of piles continue to grow and multiply within my work-at-home space, instead of feeling overwhelmed, I feel grateful. Grateful for deadlines.

I have a large work table with several works-in-progress; work completed but yet to be submitted; papers-to-go; almost done; calls-to-be-made; information to have at-the-ready when calls come in; and my perennial to-do-list [note-to-self: make a new to-do-list. The old one is almost all crossed off!!].

As I mentally review these piles, there is great satisfaction in knowing most of them MUST be dealt with before the month's end. I'm so very grateful for deadlines!

A busy spring season is in store and I will need to be on my A-Game to keep on top of the day-to-day, monthly work that will arise from the busyness of our business. Having dates that cannot wait will keep me on task.

One set of deadlines rolls right into the next. All I can do is look into the horizon and wonder when there will be a lull in the action. Every reprieve will be consumed by a new set of must-do-items for as far as I can see.

As I sit here and blur my eyes over this little life of mine, I find myself wishing for this, that or the other thing that would help relieve some of the pressure I see in the forecast. Be careful what you wish for ... 

Everything that would help create extra space to create the illusion of making things better comes at a cost. Everything.

So this morning, I shall simply be grateful for the deadlines that will empty my work table one task at a time. 

This too, shall pass. The good, the bad and the ugly. Nothing lasts forever. Except perhaps (?) the ongoing deadlines in the world of bookkeeping and accounting. 

Thank goodness for deadlines!

Revelling in the Moment

My desire to write out loud has diminished along with my ambition, motivation and joy factor. As I woke up to a bright and shiny Saturday morning I felt a glimmer of all of the above return. Do I dare wonder why? Or do I simply revel in the moment?

I think I shall do a little of each.

What is right in the world today? The longest months of winter are behind us. Days are lengthening, the sun is getting a little stronger, we are on the other end of a cold snap and the sky has been blue for several days running.

Deduction: Sunlight matters. 

What have I done to make a difference? I have knocked several big jobs off my to-do-list within my job and personal commitments. I managed to accomplish several small tasks on the home maintenance list before the weekend [it may only be washing a few loads of laundry and vacuuming but I still call that a win right now]. All errands are run, the car is filled with gas, my personal accounting/books are up to date and our grocery supplies have been replenished.

Deduction: A sense of accomplishment matters.

Who have I spent time with? I am not alone. I share a roof with my adult child and two cats, for whom I am eternally grateful. I have a nice rotation of friends and family who I have semi-regular phone visits with. People who I miss visiting in person are on the other end of the phone line during this long spell of relative isolation. Our phone calls are the next best thing to "being there". The telephone connection has been a godsend.

Deduction: People and relationships matter.

What thoughts are going through my mind at this very moment? Gratitude. Simple and easy gratitude. For every milk, juice and container I emptied this morning, there was a replacement item sitting in its place. Functioning electricity is keeping our food frozen and our toes warm. My old and reliable car is getting me where I need to go. The roof over our heads is weathering all the conditions of the world around us and our city is providing all the services we need to keep our homes running as we expect.

Deduction: Appreciation and thankfulness matter.

How are we managing on all things health related? I know we are beyond blessed. I feel as fit as a fiddle [what an odd saying ... how does a fiddle stay fit?]. Family and friends are doing okay. This is a gift no matter what the time and place but as we continue to endure the-year-of-COVID, sustained good health is a global matter. Money can buy a lot of things, it can make a huge difference in countries where public health coverage is not a given but in matters of life and death money cannot buy a cure.

Deduction: Good health makes all the difference in the world.

The cycles of life ... the seasons ... the moon ... the hills and valleys of living life ... what we are living changes moment by moment. 

I am grateful for the return of the sun, the position of the moon, the fact I have made it to this particular plateau where I can simply sit and enjoy the view for a while. I hope to utilize this renewal period in a fashion where it continues to grow. 

My wish for you is the same. No matter where you may be on your own particular mountain, please tread carefully, stay safe, rest as needed, and when you are able, take the next forward step. ONE small step at a time gets us where we need to be. May you reach your next plateau, enjoy the view and continue on your journey. One small step at a time.

Sit with me and revel in the moment. No matter where you are, recapture your inner child where you simply see, feel, hear and breathe in the moment. The moment may bring you joy, it may break the façade you are portraying to the world and bring you to tears. Honor the moment no matter what it brings. Feel your feelings, let go of the need to be someone you think you should be. Just be "you". 

Just for this moment. Just revel with me ...

Eyebrows and Gratitude

I managed to do a few things right last fall. Number one - I started saving the "vacation pay" portion from my pay cheque each month. Number 2 - I didn't follow through with my application to get a passport.

Add a global pandemic to the above and you can see I have (what I consider to be) one of the best problems around. No place to go and a little bit of money in the bank.

As I looked into the longer range forecast of the months that lie ahead, I have wondered when we may travel freely between provinces. Leaving the country? Not even something I would consider any time soon, when that barrier is lifted. 

I am so grateful the unaffordable-at-the-time passport fee plus an unbecoming passport photo (I learned to draw in some eyebrows just in time for my driver's license photo renewal) stood in the way of getting a passport. Yes, I wasted money on a passport photo I'll never utilize BUT my driver's license photo actually looks better than the one from five years prior. It was a lesson that cost $31.97 but it gave me a gift that will last five years. Eyebrows matter.

Last year my spending exceeded my income. I am just starting to regain the ground I lost due to house maintenance, some in-country mini vacations and life in general. I am standing on solid ground and there is little temptation in sight. 

No invitations, no spur of the moment "let's do this or go there" ideas and no upcoming vacation plans. My budget is so relieved.

No vacation plans = no vacation time booked. What does that look like in the year forecast? Maybe, just maybe I can plan to book an extra day around a long weekend? Maybe I could book three day weekends for the summer? 

The country will open up in some fashion eventually. When it does, I will have last year's debt paid in full, a little money in the bank and holiday time available. In the meantime, I can sit still and appreciate all the outdoor maintenance accomplished last year and just take in the view. Everything I need is right in our own back yard. 

In light of the seriousness of the events going on in the world around us, I know this entire post is trivial and inane. But that is what makes it more important than it seems. When life feels like it is spiraling out of control, that is when I look toward the smaller picture. Gratitude for what I have. Gratitude that losing one opportunity may open the door to something new and unexpected. And gratitude for a driver's license photo where I am sporting eyebrows.

It's the little stuff that makes the biggest of difference at times. 

You Do Get What You Need

Two down, two to go. The day I stop counting down days until the weekend will be the day I know I have arrived to the elusive destination which feels far beyond my reach.

I realize when one dream is realized it often means the end of the line for another piece of life which has sustained a person until the next plateau.

To reach the point where weekends are not my life line and do not define me, will I be searching for purpose? Companionship? Financial security? What sacrifices will be made to get from "here" to "there"?

What will I lose along the way? What can I do to create the next place I am headed?

My answers lie in gratitude and connection.

I will appreciate what I have while I have it. Life as I know it is not ideal but it is manageable. I believe I must fill myself up with generous doses of sleep, solitude, fulfillment, family, friends and activity to offset the challenging aspects of my days. Balance is key. I cannot exist on work or leisure alone. It is simply that at this stage of living, I do not want my work to define me.

When I am dead and gone, I don't want people to say "She sure was a good worker". I hope instead, they will say some version of "She lived a good life" ... "She was a good friend" ... "She did her best and her best was enough" ... "I am grateful our paths crossed" ...

I am grateful for what I have. I know things could change in a New York minute. I look around me, listen to the people I know and I know I am living a charmed life.

Getting up is hard. But I CAN get up. I jump out of bed and head towards a day which is predictable, safe and provides me with exactly what I need. As I believe my sister was quoted as saying, "You don't always get what you want ... but you do get what you need."

Feeling Angsty

I woke up with a good case of "angst" this morning. It seems to be coming at me from all directions and I don't quite know what to do but wonder if it is just the phase of the moon.

I woke up with the thought "Life could change on a dime". I can think of a few triggers for this ominous thought. Most of all I am berating myself for simply not appreciating life-as-I-know-it. Life is such a delicate, precarious balance of good, bad, stressful, easy, work, leisure, expectations ... and the list goes on and on. And on.

Lesson #1 - "When you wake up to a day that is much like the day you expect it to be, be grateful." There is much to be said for a day like every other.

I then started panicking about the way I've been handling my finances. "I should pretend I don't get one pay cheque and save it." Not only to build up my savings but to practise for the day when my income level will change. Life could change on a dime, you know!

Lesson #2 - take "work like you don't need the money" to a new level and "Work like you aren't getting paid for it - and SAVE!"

Then I got on my own case and berated myself for a project I started and put aside. I have mastered the art of procrastination. I have that quality within me so fine tuned I have forgotten that I have been putting off until next year (or the year after that), what could be done in small step-by-step increments.

Lesson #3 - "One small step in a forward direction will put you one step closer to your goal." Baby steps. One step at a time. Get 'er done, Girl!!

I felt my childhood regret of speaking out loud haunt me this morning. Did I write something or say something I shouldn't have? I labored over replying to a text last night because the words wouldn't come. I overthought something I may have written weeks ago. Coulda, shoulda, woulda kinds of thoughts prevailed.

Lesson #4 - "Just do your best. One day at a time." I can hear Mom tell me "Be careful what you put in writing" and I heed that advise to the best of my ability.

Good health should never be taken for granted. This goes right along with lesson #1 - waking up to a body that works as you have grown accustomed to expecting to is a gift like no other. Life can change on a dime. Prepare for the worst while hoping for the best. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

I take my circumstances for granted. I know I do. I wake up to a warm and cozy home, I jump out of bed and head into my day feeling nothing but a little groggy. I work for people I respect and admire and actually get paid for the privilege. I live in a state of feeling overwhelmed and depleted and don't replenish myself in the ways I could and should.

I do a few things right. I do my best. I endeavour to be kind to everyone. I am grateful.

I make mistakes. We all do. I try my best. But I still fail. I wake up every morning with the opportunity to try, try again.

I'm feeling angsty this morning. Perhaps because I woke up with the knowledge that I need to try a little harder today.

Taking Care of the Pennies

Another month has ended and we are one month closer to spring. Unfortunately our days will get shorter before they start lengthening but here we are. November 1st. The dawn of a new calendar page.

With the end of the month comes a renewed state of reviewing my financial well being. It could be better. It could be worse. This week in particular, I am pleased with how I have managed my cash flow.

It all started with some of the most uncomfortable pillows I have owned to date. I have awoken (with a stiff neck) to a SmartSilk pillow paid advertisement more times than I can remember. Nothing speaks to a sore neck better than the promise of a miracle pillow. These pillows are not cheap so I never did take the leap of faith but I have always been intrigued.

Enter "Costco" and the companies who set up shop in their aisles, along with Costco's money back guarantee. The SmartSilk salesman made his pitch. The pillow was on sale for half price. Plus you get a second pillow free. All for the cost of $99.99. I still wasn't sold until he told me there was a money back guarantee. That promise closed the deal.

I purchased these pillows over a month ago. I was brainwashed by the advertising I had heard. I thought I must be sleeping on them wrong because my neck was still stiff. I plumped the pillows. I slept on them on their side. I flipped them over throughout the night. No luck. AND they were heavy and didn't fit in my pillow case. They were (in a word) annoying.

Finally, I woke up with a sore neck for the last time. I scrunched the pillows back into the miniature bag they came in, found my receipt and headed off to Costco. True to the salesman's promise, they refunded my money without question. Thank you, Costco!

I scoured the pillow aisle for the pillow my sister recommended. I couldn't find the one she suggested but for the bargain price of two down-like filled pillows for $17.99, I thought "What can I lose?" The answer? Not a thing!

My returned pillows covered the cost of my new pillows plus all my Costco shopping for the day. Returned pillows minus my new pillows gave me $91.02!! Plus I very much like my new pillows. They are light, fit in my pillow cases and I can scrunch them up to make them work good enough. My neck stiffness has not miraculously been cured but it is definitely no worse.

My second good financial decision was when I noticed my cell phone bill increased by $11.11 for no apparent reason. Upon further investigation I discovered they deleted the special promotion for a $10 credit they had been applying each month. My contract has run out and I wondered if I offered to sign up for a new contract, if they would reinstate my $10.00 promotion. The rep who answered my call could only advise me to check in again with them on Black Friday to see what promotions may be available. But in the meantime, he happily credited my bill the $11.11 I was not expecting. Thank you very much, Bell Canada!

One would think I couldn't do any better. But I did.

I decided to get a flu shot last night and as I wandered the aisles in the store afterwards (they recommended staying in the store for a while in case there was a reaction to the shot), I actually listened to the announcement. Not only was it Senior's Day (20% off) but if you spent $50.00 or more, you would receive a $10.00 gift card. Hmmmm.....

I read that my health insurance will cover the cost of a blood pressure machine if it is prescribed by your doctor. I asked my doctor about it and since I have high blood pressure she wrote the prescription without hesitation. I have been carrying this around with me for months. Then last night's offer sounded like the perfect time to take the plunge. The blood pressure monitor was $69.99, less 20% ($14.00), plus the $10.00 gift card equals a bargain any which way you look at it. If my insurance covers it, it will be a 100% bonus. Thank you, Shoppers Drug Mart!!

My savings this week are $91.02 + $11.11 + $14.00 + $10.00 = $126.13. Granted, I spent $67.19 on the blood pressure monitor so technically it cost me $67.19 to save $126.13 (or in other words, I saved only $91.02 + $11.11 = $102.13). But any which way I look at things, I made some good financial choices this week.

Look after the pennies and the dollars take care of themselves. Listen to announcements while shopping and there may be a bargain with your name on it. If you are unhappy with a product, return it. Take advantage of what your insurance covers. Watch your bills carefully. Call. Ask. Investigate. I could have been told, "I'm sorry but we cannot help you" but I would have never known if I hadn't asked.

The world has been very generous to me this week. I could have moaned and whined about my stiff neck. I could have complained that my cell phone bill increased. I could have continued to carry the prescription for a blood machine monitor in my purse and not utilized it. But I didn't. And I am grateful.

Using Every Last Drop

I catch myself marvelling at the blessed life I live, where I have a pantry/cupboard and/or freezer to rely on when our supplies run low.

I have a stockpile of regularly used household items and groceries so it is a rare event to look for something we need and come up empty. Each and every time I retrieve something from our excess storage areas, I quietly think the words "Thank you" and remind myself of our very good fortune.

I am a firm believer that respecting one's financial limitations, using everything until the very last drop, not being wasteful and simply being aware of how one's money is spent is rewarded in small and almost imperceptible ways. 

I cannot begin to count the times I have had a shortfall within my budget which has been covered by an unexpected windfall. While I don't believe these are actual miracles, I do contend that coming across an unexpected cheque of thirty odd dollars at a time when you know your budget is short an amount that is very close to the unexpected bonus, you are put in a place where you are rewarded for being mindful of every little thing.

I keep track of my spending. This hasn't changed my spending habits but the practise of being aware of what I spend continually reminds me of my financial state of affairs.

Our little home seems to be going through a time of running low (but not out of) many small items. Yesterday morning, I cut down the hand lotion bottle to retrieve the massive amount of lotion not reachable by the lotion's pump. I'm almost certain this lotion will last at least two more weeks. I used the very last of some lip balm (cut in half and I've utilized every last drop of it long after it appeared to be empty); and I officially declared the travel sized toothpaste "empty". I then drained the last of the hand soap which had been stored upside down so none was wasted; and this morning I emptied the last dregs of our mustard bottle.

There is an ample supply of lotion, chapstick, toothpaste, hand soap and mustard on deck. But I cannot bear to throw something away before its time. And I am actually quite excited to know I will not have to squeeze the contents dry for quite some time as all of the above is replaced by a fresh, new supply. 

Yesterday morning's snapshot of some of the things that are running on empty

I am gazing at my monthly cash flow projection and see I will be short $174.23 next month. This is so very close to the amount I have budgeted to save but I am determined to get back into the savings habit one small step at a time. My awareness of what I am short is making me mindful of ways to decrease that number. 

The small act of utilizing every last drop out of that which we have makes me think of the parallel to living life to the fullest. If only I could take my days and ensure I lived every day as if I was squeezing every last drop out of the hours I had at my disposal ...

Work is depleting me. This I know. The answer to my budget shortfall is to offer to work an extra two days. That would be enough to cover the shortage. I must be on the tail end of my work life. I do not want to squeeze my days dry by working. I would prefer to squeeze the life out of my day by finding something that fills my soul. I am just too tuckered out at the day's end to care. 

My dream quota has been running on empty for a while. I tried filling that part of myself with things-to-do and places-to-go. Tacking that onto my work load was not ideal. Taking a holiday that felt like a chore marked off my to-do-list made it one of the hardest holidays I ever took.

I guess it is no wonder I find myself filling up on Netflix and salty snacks. It is the best I can do right now. Baby steps ...

Day of Gratitude

This is a most perfect day to sit back and be grateful. I am home after a most excellent period of focusing on family, friends, gatherings and outings. I am home.

Family. Ours is a special and unique blending of personalities who support, encourage, care, share and laugh together. 

I have just returned home from my uncle's 90th birthday and spent the weekend with Dad's brothers, their wives and a few cousins. I am so very grateful I was there. Memories were made, laughter is still ringing in my ears and it was simply a gift to be present and accounted for, to celebrate and acknowledge a most incredibly special man.

My siblings and I have recently had a "Sibling Weekend" together. I don't take this sibling relationship for granted and I am grateful we nurture it by continuing to make time to get together. The easy camaraderie we share is a gift. As we parted ways to return back to our lives in progress, we tossed ideas into the air about "next time" ...

My own little family has been busy leading their own lives, doing their own thing and making their way. We haven't gathered as a family unit for a few months but a tentative un-birthday party to acknowledge all the birthdays that passed by without acknowledgement is in the works. We are still in the process of creating our own piece of family history together but we are off to a good start. I am grateful.

Friends. My uncle's 90th birthday party has me reflecting on the value of good friends. I was at the door as his guests arrived and heard a brief synopsis of how he met and how long he has known some of his friends. Alumni from his university days; people he had worked with; students he befriended; his "Little Brother"; friends through his volunteer work; friends he met through his partner. The common denominator was that all of these friends had a history. It was not uncommon to hear "I've known Harold for 40 [or more] years" or some variation of that throughout the gathering. He is 90 years old and 38 of his close friends gathered to acknowledge the day and there are those who couldn't attend but will come another time. Amazing.

I am blessed with an arsenal of good friends. Lasting relationships take time and investment. Although I don't see my friends on a regular basis I know the friendships are real because when we do get together, it is like picking up from where we last left off. My take-away from the weekend past, is to pick up a pen, send an email or even make the odd phone call. Friendship is a two way street and nurturing the friendships one already has is a very good place to begin.

Health. Mobility. Aging gracefully. These are the little things one takes for granted when you wake up and hop out of bed with ease. This is huge. I am grateful for all of the above. As it is with relationships, one must nurture what one already has. Eating better and moving more are two steps I can take to maintain what I already have.

Peace of mind. I have heard so many people's stories that involve a loved one battling with some variety of mental health. It seems to reach out and touch everyone in some way or another. So many words ... so little to say. It is a hard life out there. To wake up in the morning and feel like one can take on the day is a blessing beyond comprehension. I am grateful.

It has been a busy time and the gremlin inside my head keeps nattering negative little thoughts which has created a bit of an inner battle to fully enjoy all the gifts I've been given. I have taken that negativity, thrown it into the light of day and waged a war with it. I do believe I have tamed the negative Nellie within and I truly believe it all begins with gratitude.

I just want to say "Thank you". Thank you thank you thank you for all I have been given. My job here on earth is to appreciate and nurture everything I already have. I can do that. 

I love this day of open gratitude. What are you grateful for today?

"Happy Thanksgiving to all!!"

September 11th

Just a moment of silence to appreciate waking up to a day where I feel safe, secure, warm and sheltered from the outside elements of the world.

Just a moment to take note of what is truly important. It isn't the "stuff". It is the peace of mind I have as I map out another relatively predictable day.

Just a moment to reflect on the relationships I have with family, friends, community and the world outside these doors. I am treated with kindness and do my best to pay it forward.

Just a minute to gaze at the walls that surround me and the roof that shelters me. I am home. I am safe. I am content.

Just a minute to count my blessings. They are many. Few, if any, are material belongings. The contentment I feel within life as I know it is priceless.

Just a moment to remember how fortunate I am to wake up each morning. Period. To wake up with the ability to breath easily, place my feet on the floor, live independently and the gift of knowing there is an excess of what I have to share with those I meet along the way.

A moment of silence to honor this moment. To remember how fortunate I am when the day goes relatively according to plan. To go to bed at night with the peace of mind that those who touch my world have also made it through another day and are preparing to do it all again tomorrow.

A day to appreciate the ability to dream of "tomorrow" is a gift bigger than life itself.

I remember the way I felt the day the world as we know it changed forever. September 11, 2001 was a day etched in my mind. I vowed to never take our peaceful existence for granted as I walked through a day where the sky was silent.

Morning Pages

Julia Cameron will be speaking at a writing workshop I will be attending. My friend once mentioned the "morning pages" Julia perscribes as part of the journey to finding your way, so I skimmed through the pages of my new book by Julia until I found the chapter on morning pages.

Julia suggests writing your morning thoughts on three, 8-1/2 by 11" pages of long hand writing. What you write doesn't matter. It is simply a matter of purging your thoughts in long hand. Every morning.

I read this chapter yesterday morning and decided to write three pages then and there. They were not my early morning thoughts but they were still morning thoughts. I thought the best way to start a habit is "now". So that is what I did.

Last night, I sat my journal with my favorite new pen slid into the coils beside my bed so I could simply wake up and write.

I forgot I was going to do this until my waking thoughts started sounding like to-do-lists and I thought "Hey! I should write this down!!" So I did.

I'm not sure if I like how I sound in the morning. It has only been one true morning of writing the thoughts I think upon waking so I am curious to see how this journey goes.

Three pages of long hand writing is time consuming. I woke up some time after 5 a.m. and I didn't finish my morning writing assignment until 5:46. It is now 7:30 and I could use just a little more sleep before I plunge into the day ahead of me.

After two days of writing I have already noticed something. When my thoughts are centred in the past or the future, I feel ill at ease. It is when I am living in the moment I am in when I feel content.

Then again, there is nothing quite like focusing on the moment you are in when your hand starts cramping after writing three pages without the aid of a keyboard.

Life is full of lessons. Perhaps the lesson I am learning is focusing on the moment I'm in. Letting go of regret and worry is key to a healthy state of mind. This is why gratitude is crucial to this illusive thing called "happiness". The state of being grateful aligns the past, present and future into thoughts that are more cohesive and focused in the moment.

I think I need to gaze out the window and watch nature for a while. That exercise brings me back into the moment in a way I enjoy the most.

This is far too deep for early morning thoughts. I need to leave those on my three pages of long hand and leave the light and frivolous for "here".

Belonging

As I walk into the worlds of my two senior friends, I am now greeted by those whose path I cross as I make my way into the day.

Warm smiles and friendly greetings have evolved into brief conversations which let me know they know who I "belong" to.

I remember well, the way I felt after Mom died. Mom had been my primary focus for a while and I felt lost at sea without her. I wandered through my days without a purpose. Wise people within my world reminded me of the others who were coming to rely on my presence.

It wasn't the same. Running out to Mom's became my norm. I gained as much as I gave throughout those visits. No matter how Mom was feeling (and she put on a very brave front), she was still "Mom" to me. I relaxed in my role of daughter and simply helped out wherever I could when I was with her.

I got to go home, sleep in my old room, wake up to toast and coffee with Mom and simply feel all the creature comforts of being home.

They say you can't go home again but there certainly was a feeling of homecoming throughout those many trips to Mom's.

Now I can literally not go home again. It is okay. We are moving on and through this phase in a way that honors what we once had but recognizes the need to move forward.

Two years ago, unbeknownst to us at the time, we were walking through our final weeks with Mom. Our sibling connection was strong and united. We "team tagged" our way through. We each had our individual strengths and I believe we were all relieved to know we had each other's backs.

Last fall, we took a sister road trip to meet up with our brother for a brief weekend visit. We rented a condo and created a home away from Mom's. A place where we could simply sit back, relax and visit like we had at Mom's only one year prior.

This year, we have reserved another pseudo-home away from home. This one is close to Mom's neighborhood and her old stomping grounds. We shall simply do what we did last year except we have an extra day and we could actually walk to Mom's from where we will be staying.

I was lost but now I am found.

I felt lost after Mom died but I have found my way to a new normal and a new place within this world of ours where I belong.

It is small but it is huge. It is a gift but it comes with the price of knowing nothing lasts forever. I belong but I have lost the title of "daughter" no matter who in the world mothers me. I am grateful to hold tight to my title "sister" ...

I cannot imagine how Mom must have felt when she was the only surviving child of her parents. Even though she was the mother of four; grandmother of fourteen; and great grandmother of twenty three ... she was the sole survivor of those who shared those memories from their childhood home.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of being with people with whom you share a history. The knowing looks, the inside jokes, things that don't even have to be said but if they are, no elaboration is necessary. There is a sense of "knowing" that goes beyond words.

When we have this, we are rich. This feeling of familiarity, of belonging, of being part of a whole ... it is a gift money can't buy. Perhaps this is why I continue to seek out ways to "belong" within this world of ours.

Maybe this is why the Hawaiian word "Ohana" speaks to me. "The word 'ohana' means family in the Hawaiian language, but in a much wider sense, to include not only one's closer relatives, but also one's cousins, in-laws, friends, race, and other neighbours." ~ https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ohana

This feeling of connection and belonging is so much more than blood ties that bond us. It is the connection we make with those who feel like family to us.

I truly believe we all seek that sense of "belonging". Where we look for that connection is as individual to each one of us. Look for the connections within your life. Honor them. Nurture them. Find comfort within that which grounds you. Whether it is family, friendship, pets, nature or simply within yourself. Seek out that which makes you feel part of a whole and nurture that part within yourself.

I shall end this with words from Maya Angelou on belonging:

“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.” ~ Maya Angelou, Conversations with Maya Angelou

It's All in the Details

It is the littlest of things that can make the biggest of differences. I find this to be true in almost any aspect of living this quiet little life of mine.

Customer service can make or break a company's reputation. I love spreading good customer service stories and they linger in my consciousness long after the moment has past. One good experience buys customer loyalty, good word-of-mouth advertising (the best form of advertising in my humble opinion) and it simply feels good to be on the receiving end of an experience where you have been treated with kindness.

It is that simple.

On the other hand, I have had a few situations lately which left a sour taste in my mouth. In both cases, I followed up and spoke with a different employee after I slept on my thoughts and woke up feeling like I had a worthy complaint. 

My intent was to #1 - find out if my concerns were valid and #2 - voice my experience in the hope that an issue may be addressed and may prevent this from happening to others.

As frustrating as it was, I tried to put myself in the other guy's shoes. Did I have a tone in my voice that could have been taken as confrontational? Did I phrase my words properly so I was understood? Was it me? Or could the other guy have been having an off day? 

I worked in a customer service industry for decades. I feel like one of my strongest traits in that job was providing good customer service. I could handle complaints in a manner which left me feeling I had done the best I could with the situation at hand. 

There was one disclaimer though. As long as the person was not complaining about ME, I could take a step back, be unbiased, listen and attempt to resolve the problem. If the complaint WAS about me, I immediately felt like I was being attacked, my defenses went up and I felt an irrational amount of guilt. My actions were emotion based instead of service based. 

Acting and speaking when emotion is driving the car is rarely a good thing. Perhaps that is why, even as the customer, I don't REact. I try to give myself time and space and ACT when my head is a little clearer and my emotions are in the back seat.

So very many of my experiences are positive ones yet it is the emotion driving the negative ones that give them so much power. 

I cannot end this post on a negative note such as this. Let me tell you some excellent customer service stories:

• My friendly, neighborhood mechanic who treats me so well. I take my car to him in sickness and in health and he always treats my concerns as well as he treats my car. Kudos to those who take care of the people behind their problems!
• Costco, whose customer service team went above and beyond the call of duty. They listened to my story (and my stories are rarely short!), empathized with my situation and did everything in their power to resolve it. I walked out to the store thinking "That company must treat their employees well and it has trickled down to excellent customer service!"
• The employee at our home security company who was the unlucky soul to be on the receiving end of my call. I had been trying to get through to this company for days. There is nothing more disconcerting than being unable to speak to someone who is handling your home's security (then again, I had been calling an old contact number so I was also to blame). By the time I reached this poor girl, bright and early one morning, my one question had morphed into about six PLUS the emotion behind my frustration was evident. I apologized to her and said I was sorry - probably her very first call of the day and I was bombarding her with questions of all kinds - and she was handling it so well. She just laughed and said, "You're so funny ..." and added a comment which made me feel she appreciated the acknowledgement. Employees who are on the other end of a telephone line have a thankless job at times - people aren't as kind when they can't see who they are talking with. It's a tough job. I appreciate those who can do it so well!
• A Sobey's grocery cashier, who sees hundreds upon hundreds of customers throughout the day/week, who acknowledged and recognized me as a regular customer, "You come in here all the time!". And I am only there once a week or less. Hooray to those who work tirelessly and still take time to notice the little things!
• Almost all those who worked on our home this year (there was one snarky shingle installer who soured the experience a bit). I was treated with courtesy, respect, kindness and good humor. Even when I voiced a negative concern, I was treated positively and (except for the above noted case) the situation was resolved. Some of the best customer service is recognized by overcoming customer objections. I am grateful to all who listen and look after the little things to do the job right!
• A waitress who was called in to work on her night off and had let down her family as she was required to work at the last minute. We only found out about this because out of the blue, she simply apologized to us and went on to serve another table. When she came back, we asked her why she was sorry and she quickly explained. She introduced herself to us when we sat down and I actually remembered her name. She beamed like a ray of sunshine when she realized this and responded, "Thank you! For making me feel seen!" 

We all need to feel "seen". In good times and in bad. On the receiving end and providing customer service. The smallest of things can make the biggest difference. It's all in the details.

You just don't know what is going on in another person's life. Simple kindnesses go such a long way. I would like to end this post using Ellen Degeneres' catch phrase, "Be kind to one another!" 

Life's Little Wins

You've got to take the wins where you find them in life. Big, little or anywhere in between. If it makes you smile, call it a "win" and hold onto the moment while you have it.

The back story to my little "win" a few nights ago is the fact that after living an entire lifetime with the illusion that I looked younger than my years, the tides started to turn in and around the year I turned 49.

One person assumed my child friendly yard was for my grandchildren (I still don't have grandchildren so apparently that is not necessarily a good indication of one's age but I didn't know that at the time).

Shortly thereafter, I mentioned the fact that I was 49 years old to someone I just met. Instead of the usual comment about my appearance versus my actual age, I was on the receiving end of a very subtle look that said, "And you look every year of it".

There were clerks in the stores that offered me senior discounts. Granted some stores age requirements are younger than others but NONE of them were under the age of 55, while one extremely helpful waitress explicitly told me "You qualify for our senior's menu if you are 65" AFTER she asked me if I would like the senior meal.

There have been comments made when I was with my sisters (who are 9 and 11 years older than me) on how we looked like triplets. "You are all so alike! And the same age too!!" Yep. Payback's a _itch, isn't it? I laughed because I knew I was long overdue for this day of reckoning and I was actually pleased that my sisters got to witness it first hand. Yes, I finally caught up with my sisters (and that fact actually pleases me a lot).

You get the gist. I'm no spring chicken. I look my age. And that's okay. I've come to terms with this. It is true. What else can I say?

Back to the present now.

I presented my customer reward card and told the clerk I was a senior (55 year old at this particular store). The clerk who initially told me about the 20% off day at their store for those who are 55 years or older didn't blink an eye when she suggested this offer to me. I obviously looked every year of my age and perhaps even more. I have taken full advantage of this weekly offer ever since (20% off IS a big deal!!). Not a soul has blinked an eye. It's true. I'm 58 years old. This is no surprise to me.

FINALLY! only two days ago, I recited my line "And I'm a senior ..." to the cashier ringing up my purchase. And he replied with a smile, "Well, I think I'm going to have to check your ID!" I assumed he was joking. Younger people have made the odd comment which I know is a joke when they make comments about my age. Yep. I hear them. I laugh and say thank you. But this time, he was for real. "You really want to see my ID?" I asked with a laugh. He accepted my offer and I walked out the door feeling at least four years younger.

It was a small win. But it still counts.

Take your "wins" wherever you find them. The small stuff matters. The little wins mean a lot. Any time life offers you a smile or small chuckle go with it. That is a win in my books. How many "wins" will you find hidden within your day? May you tally them up and remember the little things that matter the most.

Sisterhood

I'm off to see my sister through marriage today. As I reflect upon the history of that marriage, the good stuff is sifting to the top.

I was young and very alone when I married my husband. I secluded myself from the world around me because I was not comfortable within the world I suddenly found myself in. I was seventeen years old, pregnant and married.

Enter my new sister-in-law. She was elated to know she would be an aunt. I was so wrapped up within my own head at the time I didn't see the gift I received through marriage. A sister. A sister who not only was very close to my own age BUT she also lived in the same city.

This gift would be unwrapped very gradually. Each of us were busy living our own separate lives. At one point in time, we were both separated from our husbands at the same time. That is when I remember a bond starting to form.

We have both been through a lifetime of upheaval between then and now. There has been heart ache and sorrow. There was a time when it was too painful to be close. My sister-in-law's brother was breaking our hearts and she very bravely took a stand. "He's my brother. I'm sorry. I just can't be a part of this."

I have such respect for her for taking a stand and creating boundaries within the relationship we had. There was a time when we simply didn't speak of her brother but as time went on, I came to know her brother as the man she knew and I was able to share some insight of the man I once knew with her.

Her brother/my ex-husband, died yesterday.

My sister-through-marriage decided to go ahead with our original plan to see Oprah. I was honored to walk through this time with her.

I packed up our old wedding album to bring along with me. If I had only known who she would have become to me, she would have been standing at my side that day.

We may not be blood relatives but thanks to the children my husband and I had together, we share a blood bond through my boys. I not only gained two children thanks to my husband, I gained a sister. Better than that, I have a life long friend and we share a bond like no other.

Our marriage may not have been made in heaven but I certainly gained some earthly angels due to that union. And I am grateful.