Investments

I listened to my sister speak to her young, adult granddaughter as we drove home from our sibling weekend a few weeks ago. The tone of her voice, her words, the ease of the conversation and her reassurance as my sister spoke to her granddaughter. All I could think was the investment my sisters have made with all of their grandchildren is unmistakably the best investment one could make in this time of great uncertainty.

I have watched and listened to my sisters as they have been there for their children and grandchildren. Their availability to "be there" in whatever capacity was required, traditions and family occasions when all the family gathered so the sense of family was established and reestablished throughout the entirety of their lives, attending whatever events their grandchildren participated in. 

I have had the advantage of being about a decade behind my sisters and have heard them speak of "coming events" as the years advance. The years that separate us have all but disappeared over the course of our lives but I still look to them and learn.

Investing in family is a good way to go. I've still got a lot to learn.

Best. Day. Ever!!

I was gone from home almost exactly 24 hours. I spent the day with my sisters. It was the best day ever!!

It starts from the moment "go" with these girls I am lucky enough to call sisters. I walked in the door and it was just that easy. All I had to do was show up. And there they were.

I can't begin to think of all we talked about. Everything. Nothing. Everything in between. It felt as though we could have gone on for days simple enjoying each other's company, listening to each other and feeling at ease to talk about anything.

The visit was seasoned generously with laughter and joy. There were serious moments as well. "Just wait! I'm telling a story..." was a line (slightly paraphrased) which encapsulated the relationship we are lucky enough to share. We sat still and listened to each other's stories.

Oh, to be still. To be still and listen. To have someone to sit still and listen to your stories. It is a gift like no other.

I came home and simply wanted to be still with the afterglow of our visit. I didn't want to write. I didn't want to check on messages. I didn't want to vacuum. I simply wanted to hold onto the embers of a most incredible 24 hours.

Our next hope is to take this trio of talkative sisters on the road and meet up with our brother. We hate to think he may be missing out on this family bonding time. We simply want to ensure the four of us continue to nurture this bond we are fortunate enough to share.

Suddenly, a line from the movie "Lilo and Stitch" comes to mind: 

"Ohana ... means family. Family means no one gets left behind. Or forgotten."

I'm Off to See My Sisters!!!

I am headed off to see my sisters today. I am energized and excited knowing "this" is what I have to look forward to this weekend!

I woke up at 5:30 this morning with the thought "You won't get this time back" chiming through my thoughts. Then I fast forwarded to the day I saw before me. I want to feel rested and restored. I thought this thought and got up an hour later. Good enough! There were things I wanted to do before I leave.

I can tell where my state of mind is at by how I define the "hard things" I must do in a day. This morning, I knocked off those little tasks off my list and had energy to spare so I cleaned up my car a little.

Oh car of mine, what to do? What to do??

This car and I have bonded over the course of the last 61,000+ kms together. This is the car that drove me through "The Year of Mom". Oh, the hours we have spent together. The sister trips back and forth to Mom's. The music that has spoken to me through the radio during every season of my life. I've grown rather fond of this set of wheels.

My mechanic planted a seed of doubt when I last saw him. He told me what repair to expect next. I can most likely drive a long while before I must decide what course of action I must take but he's got me thinking. A new-to-me car? Or do I keep fixing this one?

It's hard on gas. It has blind spots where I feel I can't see properly. It is just a little larger than I would like. It still carries the scars from the hit and run accident while it was sitting there minding its own business while I was at work. 

But I like it. I have grown to trust it. I do not want to spend money on a vehicle (home renovation and maintenance is where it's "at" for me!).

As I vacuumed and tidied up my car, I couldn't help but think of the good times we've shared. Where do we go from here? I'm grateful I don't have to decide right away. I want to drive off into the sunset with my trusty steed and simply let things fall where they may.

I am anticipating my drive today. I can't wait to hit the road and steer myself towards my sisters. The one and only thing that could make this day any better? If it included our brother. Maybe next time ...

I'm off to see my sisters! And oh, what a day we will have!!!

Sisterhood

I'm off to see my sister through marriage today. As I reflect upon the history of that marriage, the good stuff is sifting to the top.

I was young and very alone when I married my husband. I secluded myself from the world around me because I was not comfortable within the world I suddenly found myself in. I was seventeen years old, pregnant and married.

Enter my new sister-in-law. She was elated to know she would be an aunt. I was so wrapped up within my own head at the time I didn't see the gift I received through marriage. A sister. A sister who not only was very close to my own age BUT she also lived in the same city.

This gift would be unwrapped very gradually. Each of us were busy living our own separate lives. At one point in time, we were both separated from our husbands at the same time. That is when I remember a bond starting to form.

We have both been through a lifetime of upheaval between then and now. There has been heart ache and sorrow. There was a time when it was too painful to be close. My sister-in-law's brother was breaking our hearts and she very bravely took a stand. "He's my brother. I'm sorry. I just can't be a part of this."

I have such respect for her for taking a stand and creating boundaries within the relationship we had. There was a time when we simply didn't speak of her brother but as time went on, I came to know her brother as the man she knew and I was able to share some insight of the man I once knew with her.

Her brother/my ex-husband, died yesterday.

My sister-through-marriage decided to go ahead with our original plan to see Oprah. I was honored to walk through this time with her.

I packed up our old wedding album to bring along with me. If I had only known who she would have become to me, she would have been standing at my side that day.

We may not be blood relatives but thanks to the children my husband and I had together, we share a blood bond through my boys. I not only gained two children thanks to my husband, I gained a sister. Better than that, I have a life long friend and we share a bond like no other.

Our marriage may not have been made in heaven but I certainly gained some earthly angels due to that union. And I am grateful.

Thankful for Invitations

I was invited to a pre-Thanksgiving meal a week ago and before we ate our meal, our host asked each of us at the table what we were thankful for. "Invitations" came immediately to mind and stayed there. I didn't want to take the time to marinade that thought because I didn't want to miss hearing what the others were saying. When my turn came, I mumbled something to the effect of "Invitations ... like this one" and I added an unrelated thought and was grateful when the torch was passed to the person beside me. I said the word that was in my heart but I didn't add my heart to what I was saying.

I have been rejecting a lot of the world's invitations lately. I was struggling and it was getting harder and harder to find the energy to pull myself out of my safe place at home and into the world. Even when I was being invited into the warm arms of friendship. I was tired. So tired. I was broken and I didn't want light to shine upon who I was because I was so lost. Yet I kept receiving invitations.

Some invitations come out of the blue and all you have time to do is go. No time to think. You just pack up and leave. I had one of those invitations during my summer holidays and I went. I just followed the road and I was there. Exactly where I needed to be.

If I had been given time to wonder and think too long, I would have said, "I'll be there next week". In fact that is exactly what I had said mere hours before my "invitation" to drop everything and go immediately. I appreciate when life has other plans. When I'm busy overthinking something, gathering my resources and pumping myself up so I have the courage to walk out the door donning a mask of courage I don't feel, I often talk myself out of taking that very first step. It is ever so much easier when the invitation is immediate. Come. Now! When there is no time to think, I automatically do the right thing.

Some invitations are so hard to accept. "Would you like to join me and my family for a meal the day after tomorrow?" My initial response was "Do you remember the song from Sesame Street 'One of these things is not like the other. One of things just doesn't belong'? I don't feel like I belong."

But I belong to this wonderful club of "sister friends" who feel like family to me and the feeling is mutual. I believe I have been on a life long quest to collect sisters ever since my childhood. The sisters I longed for were grown up and married before I turned into a real life "sister" myself. My brother was five years younger than me so we didn't connect as a close brother/sister team until I moved out of the city. I've had family my whole life but I missed the connection that "The Waltons", "The Brady Bunch" and all the other TV programs of the 1970's depicted. I was lost but I was found all at the same time.

I have visions of my sisters "riding out on their white horses" at pivotal times throughout my life. Times when (as Glennon Doyle Melton describes as) I was being evicted out of the life I expected to be living and invited into a new (and better) one.

My sisters (those related by blood and those I have adopted along the way) have been there for me, with me and behind me during these times of great crisis invitations. We laughed when we wanted to cry. These life evictions bonded us, as each time we merge at a time of need or crisis we have forged a tighter bond. When you fear the very ground you are walking on is crumbling, it is good to have someone to hold onto. Times of crisis, times of celebration and no special time at all have all been invitations into each other's lives.

When life is comfortable and all appears well, there are often undercurrents of a quiet knowledge that things must change. I'm not good at making necessary change unless I receive a formal eviction. I seem to need the drama that comes with a forced eviction to make much needed change. My eviction notices have evolved into "handing in my notice" as the years have unfolded. It is so much harder to walk away from life as you know it when all seems well. Except when the deepest part of your knowing is telling you to let go. It is a little bit like that invitation you receive two months before the actual event. "So much can happen in two months!" races through my mind at those invitations. I'd so much rather just show up at the last minute.

My pre-Thanksgiving day invitation was a little bit like that. The fear monger which lives inside my head was so afraid to say "yes". I don't belong raced through my mind even though my friend assured me I was wrong. It was an honor to be invited into the arms of friendship and a family where blood ties didn't exist.

I've always shunned those "invitations" I have felt I have received because it was the right thing to do. The obligatory Mother's Day supper, invitations just because I'm my mother's daughter or it is the expected thing to do. This invitation came from a place of "I would like you to join us if you are free". No, but thank you was just as acceptable as yes, please! I was chosen.

We fall into some of our invitations and some invitations are well thought out. I appreciate all the invitations I receive. Sometimes I may not act on them as I should and that is when life conks me over the head with a 2 by 4 and knocks me silly (those seem to be the times my sisters show up out of the blue). I am grateful I haven't been knocked unconscious lately. I'm accepting and declining invitations with a clear head and an open mind.

I'm grateful life is always extending me an invitation to keep moving forward, out of my head and into the world. That is a lot to be grateful for.

P.S. Since I've been on the receiving end of so many invitations lately, I do believe it is time to get off the couch and start sending out my own invitations. I will start today.

Reflections from Vegas

It is fun to step out of your reality for a few days and catch a few rays of sunshine. And that is just what my sister and I did this past weekend.

It amazes me that a three hour flight transported us to not only a different time zone, but a completely different season. We went from -20 to +20 in three hours flat. Amazing!!

We took in the sights, sounds and over-the-top extravagance that is called 'Las Vegas'. It is a surreal world.

We walked and we gazed at the wonders around us. As two separate beings, we saw two completely different points of view. We would stop and chat about the day as we lived it and if I didn't know I was walking side-by-side with my sister, at the same time, at the same place, I would swear that we were on two completely different vacations.

Such is life.

Each and every one of us sees, feels, understands and translates things in our own unique way. A movie, a song or any piece of 'art' which we come upon as we live our life.

Different things grab our attention and we guess, assume and interpret what we just saw.

It amused and entertained me as I spent the weekend with my sister. We see the world in very different ways. We unconsciously 'taught' each other a little bit along our adventure as I listened to her interpretation of the 'art' and I spoke of mine.

Her version of 'people watching' is my version of 'people feeling'. I didn't realize how much I played her people watching game until I naturally put my own spin on the same thing. Playing little guessing games about the lives of the people who crossed our path.

The only time we were both forced to look at the exact same tunnel of vision was when we got locked in a staircase (point of interest: those "EMERGENCY" stair exits in a Vegas hotel are exactly that - do NOT use them unless it is an actual emergency). And even at that, we noticed different things.

She noticed how dirty it was. I happened to notice the locks on the doors at each level a few flights before I mentioned them to my sister. I said, "I have a feeling our only exit is at the bottom..." Sure enough. She checked the door and it was locked. We were locked in the staircase.

We were assaulted by signage at the bottom of the flight of stairs. "EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY" the signs shouted to us. We knew we had no other way out because of those locked doors that prevented us from entering any other floor.

We smiled and waved to the security camera at our only exit to freedom. We hoped we would not trigger an alarm and were pleasantly surprised to find we didn't.

Except we didn't realize we had exited into an alley which was enclosed by a cement wall, with no exit either. This time neither one of us found "EMERGENCY EXIT" signage. We ended up stumbling across an unlocked door which put us smack dab in the middle of a strictly enforced STAFF ONLY zone.

Thankfully it was very early in the day (Vegas turns into a completely different world some time in and around 5:00 to 6:00 p.m.) and we ran across a staff member who warily escorted us through a land the public is not allowed to enter and quickly sent us on our way (I assume, before he was caught aiding and abetting our trespassing).

We laughed about the-only-time-we-were-forced-to-see-exactly-the-same-thing and even at that, what each of us noticed was different.

My senses felt assaulted as we walked the Las Vegas Boulevard. Noise, music, people, signage, lights, those peddling-their-wares (and that which they 'peddle' after 5:00 makes me want to run for cover) and a generous sampling of the whole-wide-world is what you can find in Las Vegas. It is the kind of world I prefer to watch via my television screen in the safety of my own home.

It was only in the last hours of our trip in this land so foreign and far away from home, that we found everything we were looking for was within a one block radius of our hotel.

In looking for 'everything', we found 'nothing'.

In the quiet of my home, the day after we returned I found the quiet oasis of a poolside cafe on a map of our hotel. Just the place we were looking for after a long day of taking in the sights.

It is all just a bit of a blur, as I sit still and reflect on our weekend. A good blur. A happy blur. Good feelings, good memories, good company.

It was like a Mirage in the middle of the desert...

Sister Time

We enjoyed our semi-somewhat-annual(ish) Sister Sleepover weekend. And it was great!

It seems like only yesterday, when my sisters had to come to my house for these weekends because my children were young and I couldn't stray away from home for too long. Now? I can quite easily arrange to step away from my life-at-home for a day.

We visited amongst ourselves (on our newly built deck) in the back yard. We went out for supper. We came home and settled in the living room until exhaustion set in. We woke up and had breakfast. There were very few moments that our sister-time was interrupted.

There was a time when stepping out for adult-time to enjoy our Sister Supper was a highly anticipated event when we had these sleepovers. This time? There was little contrast between visiting at home and going out for supper.

The dynamics are changing a little, as my family is growing up and needs so much less of me.

I have been spreading my wings and enjoying this freedom for a few years now. As much as I love where I am at, I can appreciate how far my family is grown. There will soon come a time when no one 'needs' me ...

Oddly, I find that idea a little bit disconcerting.

Working My Way Back ...

I have started inviting people back into my life and our home lately. I never really stopped altogether ... but it became harder and harder to extend those invitations, the further I retreated into myself as I trudged through the past few years.

The first time it happened was just over a week ago.

I was responding to a one-line email which (technically) didn't even require a response. One page of words later, I found my fingers suggesting that we plan a Sister Sleepover. Four days after that, both of my sisters were on board with the idea. And voila! It was a done deal. A few weekends from now, if you listen very carefully, you will hear the characteristic laugh of the Three Sisters in the distance (at a family gathering, one of my sister's in laws came up to the three of us and commented, "You even have the same laugh!").

As I was reorganizing a closet (my make-shift pantry) the other day, I stumbled upon some angel food cake mixes.It just so happened that it was a good friend's birthday the day before I came upon this little treasure. And her favorite dessert is ... angel food cake.

Yesterday (after I made some rather tasty hamburger soup for lunch), I decided to make an angel food cake. Once it was in the oven, I picked up the phone and called 'the birthday girl' and a few friends ...

Three phone calls later, I had reached only one person (I left messages for the others) but they were pleased and happy to plan to come for supper and cake (I thought I may as well offer to share my soup as well as dessert). Unfortunately the others had plans but ... I still had the opportunity to chat with them when they returned my call. The invitations were still rewarded with an excuse for a brief visit (plus ... I still have two more angel food cake mixes so we have a future date with cake involved, before this month is over!).

We had a small gathering which was thoroughly enjoyable. Due to the spur of the moment nature of the invitation, expectation levels were low. I utilized whatever was in the house for our menu and we enjoyed the company as much as (more!) than the food that was on the table.

I love picking up the phone (or sending a quick email) and taking a chance on making these little things happen.

I have been extending myself on many levels lately. I simply have 'more' of myself to give now that I am in a better, more grounded state myself.

Working from home has limited me from taking myself out of my comfort zone and going to others. But it has grounded me in a way that I feel that I can be a better friend. From the comfort of my own home.

I am working my way back to being in a place where I have so much more of myself to offer. It feels oh-so-good (great) to be back.

Off to See My Sisters

One of the biggest benefits of living where I do, is the close proximity to my sisters. I feel nestled among my family - with one sister an hour and a half to the east of me; my other sister an hour and a half to the north; and my mom and brother five hours to the west. I feel snug and cozy here in the 'middle'.

I knew of other family members that lived in Our New City when we first moved here ... but I didn't know them. It was a great consolation to me, to know that I could just run out to have coffee with one of my sisters when I was adjusting to our new life here. I didn't do it. But I knew that I could.

What happened instead, was the accidental tradition of our (more or less) Annual Sister Supper &/or Sleepover. Sure, we cross paths for various reasons throughout the year ... but that 'sister time' has become something we all anticipate and enjoy.

Life is busy and the annual tradition isn't always a given. We recently took a spur of the moment trip to see our mom and it was fantastic. So really, we weren't 'due' for a Sister Sleepover any time soon.

But ... I have been having a bad hair year and an idea was born.

I believe I have hair like my older sister. Her daughter-in-law is a hairdresser and my sister always has an easy 'wash and go' hair style. That is exactly the kind of cut I'm looking for. So I emailed my sister to see if her daughter-in-law would be interested in taking on my hair.

Long story short, we are having a Sister Makeover Day in my Northern Sister's fair city today. We are all getting our hair done. I suggested we do nails and go for an entire 'girly girl' kind of day (I even invited our brother to join us but he had some lame excuse about running low on hair and wasn't keen on experimenting with what remains) but I think (the nails) idea was vetoed. But none the less, we are going to go 'get pretty' ... maybe hang out at the mall ... do lunch ... and fill the hours in between lunch and supper with Sister Fun.

It's sure to be a fun and interesting day. If you hear the echoes of laughter within your soul today, think of The Three Sisters ... it's probably us that you 'hear'.

An Unexpected Reunion

Our family is blessed. In many ways ...

Mom had a little health scare in the wee hours of Sunday morning. And we were able to 'rally the troops' and walk her through the unknown.

Thankfully, the unknown was not any of the worst case scenarios that we had conjured up in our minds. I do believe that we all carried the feeling that 'it was going to be okay' ... but I also believe that we carried the knowledge that neither our mom, nor our brother should have to walk this path alone.

I'm grateful for the family that I have. We rally together in good times and in bad. We share the language of 'family'.

Alone, any one of us could have done what it took 'four' to do. But united, we were stronger.

My oldest sister led the way. She was the one that realized that Mom needed her family - her children. Our brother is the one who is there for Mom in all ways (he lives close by, while the rest of us live in a different province). He's the one that volunteers to help with little chores around the house. He provides a quiet strength in ways that he doesn't acknowledge. But as a mom-of-grown-sons myself, I know the sense of security that I feel just knowing that my children are a phone call away. Just in case. My Second Oldest Sister has been the one whose life afforded her the greatest flexibility. She rises to whatever occasion she is faced with.

I have sat back and marvelled at these siblings of mine. I have never really known my purpose in the family. I have always had so many commitments and ties that I've never been able to pick up and go like my sisters have. My sisters have rode out on their White Horse on numerous occasions. I have never been on a rescue mission with them.

Until Sunday.

I was part of a whole. It was the Three Sisters to the rescue. Each of us wondered what our role would be, but as the days played out with ease (thankfully) each of us stepped up to the plate and carried the baton for our part in the marathon.

Our unexpected trip out to Mom's ended up being a happy reunion. But no matter what we faced when we got there, we knew we would be stronger as a team.

Mom gave us the gift of her health. We gave her the gift of her family. Being there.

In good times and in bad ... we are a family united.

A 'Yellow' Day

It was a most perfect day. I have a lot of wonderful days, but today was one with an asterisk beside it.

A day spent with sisters (and a brother by phone) is the best. I don't know exactly what Mom and Dad did to enhance the sisterly/brotherly bond we share. I think it is absolutely amazing. It is honestly one of the things I treasure the most about my life.

Our relationship seems to be one of pure and utter enjoyment of each other. Absolutely no sibling rivalry. I think we all see the best in each other and also recognize the fact that we are only 'human' as well. We are each other's cheering section, confidante and best friend. My family has held me up as I walked through some shaky territory in my life. They are my rock. I hope I can be theirs as well.

We are blessed. We are truly blessed.

I am feeling bright and sunny inside. I feel fluorescent (lit from within). I feel .... 'yellow'.