Body, Heal Thyself

I have marvelled on many occasions how this vessel I live in (my body) has the ability to recover from a myriad of things on its own. With little or no outside intervention, it rights itself and maintains its equilibrium. Much like how a cat lands on its feet.

I have been wandering through my days feeling a little bit "powder bluish". Not a deep, dark blue mood. Not even a regular "blue" feeling. Just a little bit of a faded blue. I recognize the state and know from past experiences that life has natural ebbs and flows. As I was getting frustrated with myself for my inability to snap out of it, I thought of the "snap out of it" scene from Moonstruck, chuckled a little and I was cured (until next time).

I rarely feel sick but when I recently had a bout with a stomach ailment which grounded me for a day, I slept it off, recouped, recovered and moved on. No intervention required.

A sunburnt face which peeled, peeled and peeled some more. It took a while but my skin has stopped shedding and I'm back to my normal skin tone. No matter how much I tried to moisturize and ease my way through this minor dilemma, my body healed in its own time, in its own way.

Each time I catch my body in a heal and recover mode, I look upward and utter "thank you". Every time I climb out of the other side of the doldrums, I am grateful. Any time I notice my body taking care of me and doing its level best to recover, I am appreciative.

A few nights ago, I took a 3 mile walk. Nothing strenuous, I wore good shoes and everything was in my favor. It was an enjoyable stroll. I came home, had supper and stretched my legs out on a chair. Ahhh. Then I got up. My ankle was not happy supporting the weight of my body while it walked. 

My ankle was fine for the entirety of my walk and in the aftermath. There was no trauma. Did I stretch something when I elevated my feet and relaxed? Would this become an ongoing issue like my painful "resting neck syndrome"?

I pampered my ankle with its own pillow when I went to bed. I awoke in the middle of the night and strolled down the hall to write some middle-of-the-night pages. Ouch. My ankle still hurt. I wrapped it in a tensor bandage and left it on for the rest of the night. 

I awoke to an ankle that was still a little angry. I wandered through my morning routines and my ankle was better. Then came the test. I dropped my car off for an oil change and walked (not quite a mile) to work. I never thought of my ankle again. It healed itself.

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!

I am beyond grateful for my body's ability to retain its state of homeostasis. Our bodies work hard to maintain all that makes us run smoothly. When everything runs as expected, it is easy to take it all for granted. I'm grateful for life's little wake up calls to remind me to simply be grateful.

Livin' My Dream

My morning has been completely derailed by looking for the answer to one small question. How long did I enjoy my downstairs bedroom in my previous home? 

I knew the answer was within this blog (the answer is: November 8, 2015 until shortly after the renovation project was complete: March, 2019).

Look what I found while I was doing my research. I documented my dream on July 26, 2013: 

Friday, July 26, 2013

I had a vision of how I wanted last summer to go...

I was working for the school at the time, so there was little chance of being called to work over the summer. In a perfect world (a world where I didn't have to worry about paying the bills), I would have two months of summer holidays. I had an adult child at home that was willing to take care of the house over the summer and I could do anything or go anywhere I wanted. In a perfect world...

I dreamt of finding a quiet retreat. I would pack up my little laptop computer, my Book Research and all the paraphernalia that would be required to get us through the summer. I would pack up My Youngest and they would spend a summer outside, away from X-box live, the Internet and the television set. They would hate me for a while but after all was said and done we would look back on the summer as the-best-we-had-ever-had.

To perpetuate my dream, I found out that one of my dad's brothers had vacated their country home ... which just happened to be the last home that my dad's parents lived in together. It is a two story home and I would set up a desk and computer beside an outward facing window (insert picture of John Boy Walton here) and I would write.

I would vacation in a world that was close to my dad's family. The geography, the atmosphere, the essence, the solitude and the time would provide me with everything I needed to tackle the job that I had set before me. It was going to be wonderful.

I'm still waiting for those two months of summer holidays, but the quiet retreat, the two story home with a desk by an outward facing window, a world close to my roots ... is my reality.

If you dream it, it will come.

I'm living in my field of dreams.

Music to My Ears

The inclination to turn on the TV and lose yet another day loomed heavy over me yesterday morning. I overruled what I most wanted to do and turned on the radio instead. 

Radio. An assortment of music I had no control over. Music that spanned over the years and subconsciously took me back to moments in time long forgotten. I even found myself singing a little bit.

I thought thoughts I hadn't thought for a very long time. Wistful little memories I could barely hold onto. Thoughts of someone I hadn't spoken to for a very long time. 

I puttered in the kitchen doing baking/cooking/prepping kinds of things for hours on end. I had no burning desire to leave the kitchen because the other items on my perpetual to-do-list were less intriguing. 

Music kept me motivated, kept my spirits light and breezy. I didn't dance. But I did sing. It's a step in the right direction.

My future self will be very pleased:

Treats, sweets, meals and veggies prepped to make life simpler.

And it didn't hurt a bit.

A Guest Room I Don't Want to Share

They say you should sleep in your guest room to ensure it is comfortable and your guests have what they need to enjoy their stay. Well? I've gone a step beyond that.

Even before "my room" was my bedroom, I commented it was the perfect guest room. It has an en-suite bathroom, queen sized bed and the room is cozy and a comfortable size. A guest could get up any time they wished and have everything they need to extend their time alone before needing to be social. Plus, they wouldn't have to go down the not-to-code stairs if they needed the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Let the record show I already knew my room was the best guest bedroom.

Then I moved into my room and the guest bedroom became a pet project of mine. I knew a daybed would be ideal for that room because the air register is by the wall, under the bed. And I found the daybed of my dreams:

Then the writing desk of course. I cannot say enough about my writing desk by the window but I will try.

I was searching for just the right kind of cabinet which would mostly serve the purpose of holding stationary, writing and office supplies but could double as a dresser if required. Plus, I wanted another smaller cabinet for the closet. Due to the fact this cozy little room is carpeted, I was looking for furniture on wheels. 

Closet cabinet

Then came the pièce de ré·sis·tance. The final touch.

After a great deal of thought, research and test runs, I decided a TV for this cozy little spot would be my little treat. A place to watch TV at night, when my sensitive neck cannot relax on my comfy-looking-couch in the living room. 

While the living room windows were under construction, I moved the TV up into this cozy little room and I loved, loved, loved ending my days in this most-comfortable-spot steps away from my bedroom. A little TV watching and I'm literally 12 steps from my bed. Twelve steps on the same level. Not 13 steps up, then 10 steps to the right. Twelve steps.

 

I brought home my new TV yesterday afternoon and couldn't wait to set it up. It is the perfect size, perfect fit and perfect-for-me ROKU TV with access to more channels than I'll ever need:

A small fridge and microwave and this room would have everything I need.

I have created a guest room so cozy, comfortable and ideal that I don't want to share it. I'm just glad I already proclaimed my bedroom as the ideal guest room. So I guess that makes everyone happy.

The Fifth Day

This time, tomorrow morning I will be walking to work. 

Today? I have the day off. 

I'm very fortunate to have a job. 

Two jobs that provide enough income for me to live comfortably by working four days a week.

I love that fifth day. 

A day off. 

Ahhhhh.

Life is good.

There's No Place Like Home

This little house I live in feels more like home with each passing day. 

I am beyond fortunate that my son has carved out time to tend to my spring wish list. It sounded "simple" - replace the living room and bedroom windows and construct a shed. Easy peasy. Right?

Not when you have a mom who keeps adding to the list and a son who tweaks things to a level of perfection I thoroughly appreciate before he calls the job done. Nor when throughout the course of our last meal together, a couple handfuls of future wishes slipped out during conversation.

Whoops.

My favorite room in the house is near completion. I need to clear out the excess, with a few little tweaks here and there. It's so close.

I started dreaming my little dream as last winter was starting to settle in. I had a vision that centered around Mom's picture of pussy willows and my desire to have a writing desk by the window. Bit by bit, this little dream of mine is coming true.

I knew this room was working some special kind of magic within me but I didn't  realize how much. Yesterday morning, I didn't want to sacrifice my writing-by-the-window time after I set my morning routine off kilter by an hour. I tried to skip over the process and fast forward to the next item on my morning agenda but it didn't work.

This little room brings me such serenity and a peaceful sense of joyfulness. It's my favorite room in my home, filled with so many other spaces which speak to me. 

“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with… There's no place like home.”

~ Wizard of Oz

Manifesting

I was listening to Chris Sullivan (Toby - from "This is Us") speak on his experience with writing Morning Pages, as he went through the 12 week process with the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. His morning pages led him to listening to his inner voice which, a step at a time, led him to "This is Us" and his present day life.

As I struggled through my own Morning Pages this morning, they consisted of little more than to-do-lists and a list of things I wanted to remember. I write lists on the margins of my pages and flip back to those pages to check my progress.

Lately, my thoughts have been consumed with the hopes and dreams I wrote about within those Morning Pages throughout the winter. I wished for little more than a shed, new bedroom/living room windows and a solar powered bird bath.

One by one, my wishes are coming true. Does it count if it is my son who is manifesting these dreams on my behalf? I'm not quite sure...

Here are pictures of yesterday's manifestation process:

Noon

↑ Supper time↓

I don't know whether to thank Julia Cameron and her Morning Pages ritual? Or my son? 

My son gets all the credit for this.

Thank you for manifesting my dreams for me!

Before

I'm living in a bit of a construction zone at the moment:

New living room windows are on the docket for today...

This is the "before" (but after my new bedroom window):

Things will look much different around here after today.

Thoughtful Thursday

The grackles are grackling, 

the mourning doves are mourning, 

the crows are crowing 

and the robins must be resting their voices. 

Listen to the sounds of my morning:

The only thing that's missing is the sound of a train in the distance.

Life feels pretty good

(and progress on the shed is coming right along).

Th-th-that's all, folks.

[Insert Porky Pig's voice here}

It's a Beautiful Morning!

I am waking up to a five-day work week. And I'm okay with that. I'm really okay.

The weekend past, was a re-energizing two days. There was no real agenda other than puttering. Just do one thing and see where it goes. A lightly scheduled amount of being social. Just enough to motivate me to be prepared for company. Mostly, to prepare meals for my five-day work week, with a side benefit of having food ready to serve. Just in case.

If you make it, they will come. And they did. It was good. Very good.

This is my view, as I have my morning smoothie, blog a little and do my daily puzzles:

Yesterday morning, I was entertained by a couple of robins. A named them Momma and Poppa because they were doing a little frolicking which makes me believe baby robins will follow. This morning, a mourning dove caught my eye as it strolled through yard, rummaged through some debris and flew off with a twig. I imagine it is building a nest somewhere close by.

I took time to simply sit back, watch and create little stories for my feathered friends who share the yard. I forgot to look outside, watch and listen to nature last year. This year, I am grounded enough to see and appreciate what is in my own back yard. Again. I love this little spot in my world. I savored the moments. And it was good. Very good.

Exhaustion hit me in the middle of the day, so I grabbed a book, went upstairs to my Daybed Room, nestled into the cushions on the daybed. And read. My neck was comfortable. I was very comfortable. A little too comfortable. I nodded off to sleep for a bit. It felt good. Very good.

I woke up and thought a very foreign thought (for me). "I should vacuum". And I did. Late in the afternoon, for no other reason than "I should". So I did. It was good. Very good.

Every little thing I managed to accomplish felt satisfying. No deadlines looming. Simply doing something because it would feel good to have done it.

I saw people in such an easy and natural manner. "Want to go for a walk .. then come over for bbq hotdogs?" An easy yes. I reciprocated when I mentioned I had made a pasta salad and we could have an easy lunch here the next day. I made a little extra just in case my son dropped by. And he did! It was so easy to simply open the door and enjoy his company, knowing I had a meal ready to serve at any time.

My social battery is charging up. My motivation button is starting to function better. My ability to simply look up and watch nature unfolding before me is life affirming. 

I love this time of year. Everywhere I look, I see life and new life brewing. The buds on the trees, the grass greening up.

It's a beautiful morning!

A Little of Everything

The past weekend was my idea of perfection. A little dash of this, that and everything created the exact combination of what I needed/wanted to accomplish, seasoned with a touch of family which was the finishing touch.

One-on-one visits with my adult children is one of my most favorite things. "This" is the reward of having parented one's children to independence. The enjoyment of their company on a new plateau.

I listen to those who dread the idea of becoming an empty nester. I worked hard to gain this title. I plan to savor the rewards of enjoying the company of my self-sufficient in-dependents.

One of the things I appreciated the most, is two out of three filed their own tax returns!! 

I must admit, if I hadn't helped my third file their taxes, I wouldn't have had the excuse to talk with them. We just need to enhance those visits by eliminating the tax-factor.

It isn't the way most families celebrate the Easter weekend, but I'll take it.

Going With the Flow

One more day to savor this April long weekend. My only plan for the day is to go with the flow. Toss out one invitation and happily go wherever that may take me.

Aaahh!! Relief. Pure and utter joy. All the hard-things-to-do are in my in my rear view mirror. Until the replacement set of things-to-do take up the space vacated. Out with the old, in with the new.

Each and every time I cleaned house, I literally made space for the next turn of events. 

My first home began with a clean slate. I bought a brand new townhouse, moved in with my one-year-old and everything we needed to make a home.

The next move meant abandoning that very home and everything in it, with my two children. Another fresh, new slate in a brand new location. 

My next home became a home where many transitions happened under that roof. My oldest moved out, my youngest was born, a daycare was created, a daycare was dismantled, which made room for Mom's belongings, soon I had enough excess to furnish an entire second home, when the excess moved out, my former employers files and filing cabinets moved in and three years after that, all those files moved back out and so did I.

I moved into that little home, once filled with the excess from my long time home and those furnishings have bit-by-bit been replaced with furnishings of my own choosing. A little bit of "Mom" sprinkled here, there and everywhere accessorized with a little touch of "me".

This little house has become home. It is a lovely little spot in the universe. I think I'll stay.

But for today? I am simply going with the flow and breathing in every moment of contentment I am feeling. This too, shall pass. So I will savor the moment while it is within my grasp.

Home Sweet Home

Maintenance

I have come home from my third committed weekend feeling like a version of myself I remember enjoying.

I am amusing myself again. Twisting little things into a stories, connecting the dots and appreciating the impact of one small thing affecting so much more, spotting the absurdity of my thinking, the stories I make up in my mind and I find myself smiling at the smallest of things.

I spent time with my cousins. One on one time. Visits when you lose track of time and no one wants to be the first to admit "I have no idea what time it is", takes a peek at the clock to discover hours have past in the blink of an eye.

The common denominator with every single one of these reconnections was the comment, "I need to do this. I need to get out and see people more." Various versions of the same story. Even those who one would guess has a very busy social life were saying the same.

Life has taken a toll. Loss, health concerns, living within a smaller circle, life's continual ebbing and flowing - giving and taking as we walk each forward step. The pandemic started something that has weakened a lot of our social batteries. I am not alone.

A combination of too much coffee, not a lot of food and the adrenaline lift of connecting with (what feels like) long, lost friends and family had me a little giddy a lot of the time. I found myself chattering up a storm with my long, lost hair stylist. I was talking a lot, talking fast and I sputtered out, "I've had three cups of coffee and a donut today" to explain my chattiness. We laughed.

There was a lot of laughter the past few days. Lots. That is what is ringing in my ears as I listen to the quiet of the morning. 

One day, it just so happened that only one of my cousins was available to visit. Three hours passed and our visit continued on into the parking lot. My parting comment was connected to a comment she made at some point during our chat and I wound up our good-byes by turning that comment around and making some joke. As my cousin took a step away, she connected to dots to the initiating story. She turned around laughing and said, "I just got it". We parted laughing. Leave 'em laughing. It's a very good way to go.

I had enough errands to run to keep me busy throughout the afternoon. I didn't have another meaningful conversation with anyone all day. Thus, my one visit kept me company well into the evening, popping into my thoughts the way the last song you hear lingers long after the music is gone. The gift of one true connection was the magic in the way it lingered long after we went our separate ways.

Each and every connection was ended by the promise that we must do this again. And continue doing it. There is a cousin connection that goes beyond the blood ties, as two of these people were married to my cousins. There is simply a kinship. It is real and it is strong. It simply requires a little maintenance to sustain and nourish what we have.

The entire experience of the last three committed weekends which felt oh-so-hard was a strengthening of something good. Connection. Laughter. Kinship. Shared experiences and history. Compassion, caring, listening. There was a lot of listening. 

I feel recharged, energized and capable of carrying this forward. Today. Life has a way of dulling the experience. Day-to-day living takes a lot of energy. If we can find a way to infuse a little jolt of energy into the experience, it makes a difference. 

Maintenance takes a lot of work. At times we don't reap the rewards immediately but if we can persevere, there is something out there beyond one of those corners. We never know which one.

Chirps in the Middle of the Day

I came home for lunch yesterday (six of my favorite words) and the birds were chirping so loud, incessantly and sounded SO glad to be "home".

In the fairy tale storybook of my mind, I had visions of them all so happy to see each other after a long winter away. It was a long winter for the birds too. They were reunited, catching up, excited to be among family and friends back in their little oasis in the prairies.

I stopped and simply listened. 

Turn your volume up high. Yes, they were really that loud.

The snow is melting, the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. Spring is on its way ...

Jann Arden - Good Mother Album Version /w Intro & Extro

Jann Arden's lyrics to her song Good Mother are what I'm hearing when I let my mind rest this morning:

I've got money in my pocket

I like the color of my hair

I've got a friend who loves me

Got a house, I've got a car

I've got a good mother

And her voice is what keeps me here

...

I have no other words this morning. 

I need to inhale the melody and lyrics of Jann Arden's song.

May you lose yourself to the music you find whispering in your ear today.

Blanketed in Friendship

We met by chance, became (and remained) friends by choice. These are the people I spent time with this past weekend.

They navigated life, snow and made time for a little "retreat" at my little oasis of a home. And it was good.

My hosting muscle is weak and out of shape. A weekend with friends reminded me "I can do this!" and strengthened my ability to live a step outside my comfort zone.

In an attempt to clear the clutter of my mind, I had a list of things-to-do before my guests arrived. I was down to the final hour before their anticipated arrival time. I knew time was running short so I asked myself, "What would you rather them catch you doing when they arrive? Vacuuming? Or snow shoveling?" Shoveling won.

My home was clean (enough), meals were prepared and I had just finished clearing enough snow for my guests to park, get out and around their vehicle when they arrived.

Then the magic began.

There is comfort in being around those who know you well and the feeling of knowing them well too. Shared history creates a solid foundation for a weekend visit. 

There was comfort, laughter, food, comradery, encouragement, more laughter and more food. We tested out our sea legs at the mineral spa. We enjoyed the music of an artist we know through someone we had all worked with. 

Our weekend was blanketed not only in the fresh-fallen snow. but in the comfort and ease of friendship that has spanned over the course of the past 35 years. 

It was a weekend worth the effort of clearing the path for whatever the next 26 hours had in store.

A Multi-Topical Post

I'm sitting in the middle of a natural "high" at the moment. Brought to me courtesy of: completing a task BEFORE a long weekend; savoring the moment of a Friday off; persevering through a challenging month; the satisfaction of the month-end credit card balance equaling $0.00; AND the morning-after elation of my 20% off shopping at Shoppers.

Where to begin? Where to begin?

I have a list of "hard things" to accomplish within my office-that-lives-at-home. There is a bonus to the satisfaction of completing these tasks due to the fact I chose my resignation date to coincide with completing, filing and finalizing all year-end tasks before my end date. Each of these tasks has a bonus prize of being the last time I am responsible for its completion. ONE big job done has paved the way for what must follow. The hard part is over.

Month-end. It snuck up on me this month. I knew I had one big deadline to meet by March 31st. What surprised me was the fact that March 31st landed on a Sunday, with Friday being a holiday. All month-end tasks were due by Thursday (March 28th). And I did it! 

I thrive on deadlines. Wishy washy "do this when you have time" goals are my enemy. Tell me I have a week? It's done. Hormones are spiked and I'm riding a natural high that endures longer than most anything else I can imagine.

Our life has been sprinkled with the reality of living life. Our senior cat's bloodwork revealed he has Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease. We are managing this with a renal cat food diet. Dry cat food is being consumed at a near-regular rate of speed, we've supplemented his diet with canned renal cat food and we have water dishes available in multiple areas. This has brought him back to where he was about a month ago. Litter conditions are unchanged so my unofficial diagnosis is his stomach is still not tolerating his food as well as it should. But we are enjoying his presence in our lives for as long as he is comfortable. 

A reminder that life is a temporary condition always feels like a surprise. Renewed appreciation of the small stuff is the reward.

I have been getting up an hour earlier, which has given me the illusion of extra time. The morning hours have always been my favorite. Time before the rest of the world wakes up feels more sacred. I've been prepared to step into my office at a reasonable hour without sacrificing the time it takes to recharge my own batteries.

Ahhh. Taking care of oneself without guilt of stealing time out of (what should be) work hours. Guilt-free pleasures are the best.

Speaking of taking care of myself, I have been diligently trying to take better care of this body I inhabit. Drinking water and spacing my vitamins and blood pressure medication two hours apart has become a full time job. I'm considering cutting out one of my vitamins to save time (and money). Then I added the complication of making a goal of meeting my daily fiber and calcium requirements. I'm so full from nuts/fiber and dairy, that I have little desire for actual meals. I do need to add some form of exercise (walking) into this routine but honestly! When will I have the time? I'll have to squeeze it into my day before my consumption of liquids necessitates the close proximity of washroom facilities.

What goes in, must come out. I am literally flushing my system. All day, every day. I (should) feel so clean inside.

Speaking of clean, I have yet to add a thorough cleansing of our home to my regimen. Thriving on deadlines is not serving me well as yet. I am planning on moving throughout the month of July. I have 3 months to procrastinate. Thirty years at one address will not pack up in a day. I have convinced myself that completing my work related tasks will free up the energy levels required to start dealing with the excess of possessions around here. I hope I'm right.

Packing up a full-time job and office, with the addition of emptying a home feels daunting. ONE step at a time.

I love and look forward to my personal month-end tasks. The games I play within my budget scheme are plentiful. They provide challenge, entertainment and joy. Let me tell you about my most recent joyful moment ...

Our weekly milk requirements revolve around senior's 20% off days at Shoppers. The bonus of Seniors Day at Shoppers is the minimum age requirement - 55 years. You better believe I mentioned this gift in my brother's 55th birthday card. It is a rite of passage and I have owned it. Add the association between Superstore's bonus points being added to the Shopper's Optimum card and it is a winning combination. 

Thanks to a bonus offer I couldn't refuse, I easily amassed $30.00 worth of points on my Optimum card. After an extremely expensive month, I opted to cash in $20.00 worth of those points when I made my weekly purchase. Add that to my 20% off savings and look at what I bought for $3.17 last night!!

Look at all that calcium and fiber!! $3.17!!! I am over the moon!

I need to save all the pennies I can. I have another expensive month on the horizon. New summer tires, an oil change, a few social outings (being reclusive is a much more affordable hobby), refilling my quarterly prescription, a hair cut and an unhealthy cat equals financial insecurity into my regularly scheduled life.

April is right around the corner and I'm already anticipating the satisfaction of enduring yet another month and summing it all up with my favorite number. Zero. Zero credit card balance + a near-zero savings account balance isn't my favorite combo, but it's better than the alternative.

All this and it is a holiday Friday to boot. Life just doesn't get any better ...

The Calm Before the Storm

I am sitting in a warm, insulated, fully stocked bubble of joy this morning. Snow is coming. Lots of it. And I am all nestled in, in the way I aim to live every single weekend - no errands to run and everything I need is in the house or within walking distance.

My small promise to myself is "don't drive on the weekend". It started when I spent a lot of weekends in my little oasis away from home. A small house in a small town where one doesn't need to drive anywhere. I would park the car when I arrived Friday night and it wouldn't move until I went home Monday morning. 

I loved the feeling of having a car available but not needing to use it. It took me back to my daycaring days, when I worked at home and everything we did during the day had to be within walking distance. It was the exact opposite of today's reality. The feeling of knowing the car is available but not utilized is a comfort.

Suddenly, Mom comes to mind. When she gave up her driver's license it was an assault to her freedom. She drove only when necessary, her routes were tried and true, she drove only when driving conditions were at their best and only in the daylight hours. She drove so little, her car battery died on her one time. Yet - she knew the option to drive herself and be fully independent was available.

There was a stretch of time between when she stopped driving and when her car insurance ran out, when she kept her car in the garage so it was still available for someone else to drive for her. I do believe being a passenger in her own car was perhaps one of her favorite modes of transportation. "Driving Miss Daisy Margaret" was a movie she often referred to, when it came to describing her ideal way of getting around.

It is a great comfort to have all you need within the place you call home and know your independence is fully intact. It feels even better when you have the added insurance of knowing your supplies are fully stocked and everything you need to occupy yourself is within the walls you call home.

I'm feeling pretty fortunate this morning. Milk, toilet paper, grocery, home, cat and office supplies are in stock. The car's gas tank is full, credit card balances are all sitting at my favorite number in the world - zero. Library books and DVD's are queued up and ready to entertain me. I can finalize my taxes, finish organizing my office files, finish shredding the last of a very large box of personal shredding (and there is so much more where that came from!). I can work, I can play, I can write, I can read, I could call a friend. 

It is the calm before the storm. In so very many ways ...

The before:

A foot of snow is in our forecast, so I will update "the after" very soon.

The storm ...

The Best Holiday I Didn't Know I Needed

Have you ever taken a holiday without really feeling a great need to get away? When the ache to separate work and home isn't the driving force? When splurging on a little getaway feels like an indulgence and not a need?

I just returned from such a retreat. I wasn't running away from anything. I wasn't running anywhere. I was drawn towards a place I called home for 18 years. I had a yearning to stay at a little home-away-from-home at an AirBnB close to where I grew up. 

I ached for an independence and solitude you don't get when you stay with family or friends. Don't get me wrong! I love visiting and meeting up with people. I simply enjoy the feeling of having time alone to digest, absorb, reflect and fully inhale the day I am anticipating or have just lived.

I had a moment of angst at the end of my very first day. It was a day where I left my little oasis first thing in the morning, touched base at one point and was immediately off again, returning at dusk. I thought "Oh no!! When will I have time to savor the moments right here at my little 'home'?"

The very next day was all about those moments. I sat on the balcony, read a book, gazed upon the rooftops and yards of the neighborhood while awaiting my guests. One set of guests left and I gathered up more company for the duration of the day. It was marvelous.

I didn't have to rush home on check-out-day so I returned to the balcony, reopened my book and simply inhaled. A deep breath where everything felt good and right. A moment I knew I could recreate at home but I savored the fact that it was nestled within memories of relaxed and relaxing visits with people who mean the world to me. 

I drove home to the sound track of music of yester-year. Feelings of days when I didn't know what life had in store and my inner me was simply young and a little naïve. 

The innocence of my youth was seasoned generously throughout a vacation away from my day-to-day life. Though I had many visits of a serious nature, I was grounded in the sensation of "coming home".

I walked by Mom's house. It has changed. Life goes on.

I spotted several rabbits as I made my way through the days. The first crossed my path as I left after a visit with my brother's family. A second was spotted as I headed southward to walk the paths of my youth. Not a rabbit to be seen near or around Mom's. One more rabbit ran parallel to me on a busy road as I headed to visit my childhood friend. Not many rabbits, but I felt a significance in the timing of their appearance. 

It was the best holiday I didn't even know I needed. I highly recommend it. Don't put off those little retreats too long. They are best enjoyed when you are enjoying a version of your best self.

Settling Up

Another tax year is in the books. It is official. Done. Sent. Paid. Filed. I am all settled up with Revenue Canada for another tax year. And it feels so good.

It felt so good that I was immediately drawn to my utility settle up months. I am on an equalized payment plan which makes for easier budgeting but the settle-up months are a little unsettling when I'm not confident I've paid enough.

April 30th defines my settle up month with Revenue Canada. May is my settle up month for my utility bills. My ultimate goal is to balance to zero. I like feeling ahead of the game and not running for cover when I owe some here, there and everywhere. 

All in all, it feels good to settle the score. I love starting from ground zero. I pay all credit cards to zero at every month end. Zero is one of my favorite numbers.

My head is in the number game right now. All April deadlines have been met - inside and outside of my office. I'm now going to settle into the weekend and soak up the moments.

Jet just popped out of my unmade bed and it looks like he's ready to take on the day too. I'm all settled up with the world and it is time to put the numbers to rest for the duration of the weekend.

It is already 11° outside and I'm ready to see how it feels to sit in a sunbeam and read. 

I wish you a Sitting in a Sunbeam kind of day.