A Multi-Topical Post

I'm sitting in the middle of a natural "high" at the moment. Brought to me courtesy of: completing a task BEFORE a long weekend; savoring the moment of a Friday off; persevering through a challenging month; the satisfaction of the month-end credit card balance equaling $0.00; AND the morning-after elation of my 20% off shopping at Shoppers.

Where to begin? Where to begin?

I have a list of "hard things" to accomplish within my office-that-lives-at-home. There is a bonus to the satisfaction of completing these tasks due to the fact I chose my resignation date to coincide with completing, filing and finalizing all year-end tasks before my end date. Each of these tasks has a bonus prize of being the last time I am responsible for its completion. ONE big job done has paved the way for what must follow. The hard part is over.

Month-end. It snuck up on me this month. I knew I had one big deadline to meet by March 31st. What surprised me was the fact that March 31st landed on a Sunday, with Friday being a holiday. All month-end tasks were due by Thursday (March 28th). And I did it! 

I thrive on deadlines. Wishy washy "do this when you have time" goals are my enemy. Tell me I have a week? It's done. Hormones are spiked and I'm riding a natural high that endures longer than most anything else I can imagine.

Our life has been sprinkled with the reality of living life. Our senior cat's bloodwork revealed he has Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease. We are managing this with a renal cat food diet. Dry cat food is being consumed at a near-regular rate of speed, we've supplemented his diet with canned renal cat food and we have water dishes available in multiple areas. This has brought him back to where he was about a month ago. Litter conditions are unchanged so my unofficial diagnosis is his stomach is still not tolerating his food as well as it should. But we are enjoying his presence in our lives for as long as he is comfortable. 

A reminder that life is a temporary condition always feels like a surprise. Renewed appreciation of the small stuff is the reward.

I have been getting up an hour earlier, which has given me the illusion of extra time. The morning hours have always been my favorite. Time before the rest of the world wakes up feels more sacred. I've been prepared to step into my office at a reasonable hour without sacrificing the time it takes to recharge my own batteries.

Ahhh. Taking care of oneself without guilt of stealing time out of (what should be) work hours. Guilt-free pleasures are the best.

Speaking of taking care of myself, I have been diligently trying to take better care of this body I inhabit. Drinking water and spacing my vitamins and blood pressure medication two hours apart has become a full time job. I'm considering cutting out one of my vitamins to save time (and money). Then I added the complication of making a goal of meeting my daily fiber and calcium requirements. I'm so full from nuts/fiber and dairy, that I have little desire for actual meals. I do need to add some form of exercise (walking) into this routine but honestly! When will I have the time? I'll have to squeeze it into my day before my consumption of liquids necessitates the close proximity of washroom facilities.

What goes in, must come out. I am literally flushing my system. All day, every day. I (should) feel so clean inside.

Speaking of clean, I have yet to add a thorough cleansing of our home to my regimen. Thriving on deadlines is not serving me well as yet. I am planning on moving throughout the month of July. I have 3 months to procrastinate. Thirty years at one address will not pack up in a day. I have convinced myself that completing my work related tasks will free up the energy levels required to start dealing with the excess of possessions around here. I hope I'm right.

Packing up a full-time job and office, with the addition of emptying a home feels daunting. ONE step at a time.

I love and look forward to my personal month-end tasks. The games I play within my budget scheme are plentiful. They provide challenge, entertainment and joy. Let me tell you about my most recent joyful moment ...

Our weekly milk requirements revolve around senior's 20% off days at Shoppers. The bonus of Seniors Day at Shoppers is the minimum age requirement - 55 years. You better believe I mentioned this gift in my brother's 55th birthday card. It is a rite of passage and I have owned it. Add the association between Superstore's bonus points being added to the Shopper's Optimum card and it is a winning combination. 

Thanks to a bonus offer I couldn't refuse, I easily amassed $30.00 worth of points on my Optimum card. After an extremely expensive month, I opted to cash in $20.00 worth of those points when I made my weekly purchase. Add that to my 20% off savings and look at what I bought for $3.17 last night!!

Look at all that calcium and fiber!! $3.17!!! I am over the moon!

I need to save all the pennies I can. I have another expensive month on the horizon. New summer tires, an oil change, a few social outings (being reclusive is a much more affordable hobby), refilling my quarterly prescription, a hair cut and an unhealthy cat equals financial insecurity into my regularly scheduled life.

April is right around the corner and I'm already anticipating the satisfaction of enduring yet another month and summing it all up with my favorite number. Zero. Zero credit card balance + a near-zero savings account balance isn't my favorite combo, but it's better than the alternative.

All this and it is a holiday Friday to boot. Life just doesn't get any better ...

The High Cost of Comfort

Well, I did it. I invested in my feet today. The high cost of sandals that will support my feet and orthotics tallied a hefty sum of just under $250.00. 

Wow! For a girl who shops for the best bargains on milk, that is a big investment. On the flip side, a few years of savings on my milk deals may have covered the cost. 

I bought a pair of sandals at the same store 11 years ago (I know because the clerk looked it up for me). I checked my financial records and I believe this pair of sandals cost $187.00. Eleven years of usage amortizes the cost to $17.00/year. Not a bad investment all in all.

My only dilemma was that I wished I could buy two different colors but at that cost, one pair was suffice. 

I came home and immediately tallied up my work expenses I have paid for out of pocket. It turns out I spend money without blinking when it comes to keeping the office up and running. This years office expenses exceed the cost of my comfy shoes and I was reimbursed my costs without question.

I can find a million ways to justify my spending. Savings here, cutbacks there, calculating how much something costs over its lifetime, a little nest egg stashed aside for a rainy day all keep my budget balanced.

Side story with a moral and relevant to "all of the above":

When I was young, in love and about to marry, I asked my husband-to-be why he loved me. I knew the answer was going to be an honest one when he took a minute to respond. After some consideration, he replied, "Because you are good with money".

Fast forward to the trying times during our marriage when money and lack of it was at the root of many of our disagreements. My husband would be asking for money we didn't have to spend on items that were never included in any budgeting figures. I would respond with an attitude that probably went far beyond a simple "no" and his retort would be "Just juggle the books ". 

Back to the reason this memory resurfaced:

I have been juggling my finances for as far as I can remember. In fact, it was one of the reasons my husband cited for loving me. Savings, cutbacks and a little nest egg here and there go a long way over time. 

Long story short? The high cost of comfort is well worth the sacrifices made along the way.

True to my form, the new is almost identical to the old. 

Same, same, same.

If I know what I like, why would I want to try anything else?

Settling Up

Another tax year is in the books. It is official. Done. Sent. Paid. Filed. I am all settled up with Revenue Canada for another tax year. And it feels so good.

It felt so good that I was immediately drawn to my utility settle up months. I am on an equalized payment plan which makes for easier budgeting but the settle-up months are a little unsettling when I'm not confident I've paid enough.

April 30th defines my settle up month with Revenue Canada. May is my settle up month for my utility bills. My ultimate goal is to balance to zero. I like feeling ahead of the game and not running for cover when I owe some here, there and everywhere. 

All in all, it feels good to settle the score. I love starting from ground zero. I pay all credit cards to zero at every month end. Zero is one of my favorite numbers.

My head is in the number game right now. All April deadlines have been met - inside and outside of my office. I'm now going to settle into the weekend and soak up the moments.

Jet just popped out of my unmade bed and it looks like he's ready to take on the day too. I'm all settled up with the world and it is time to put the numbers to rest for the duration of the weekend.

It is already 11° outside and I'm ready to see how it feels to sit in a sunbeam and read. 

I wish you a Sitting in a Sunbeam kind of day.

Who Am I?

I may be having a late-life crisis. I don't know. I'm struggling. That is all I do know. Not struggling in a hard, life defeating way. Simply struggling to find the piece of myself that breathes life into my soul.

Writing has been the backbone of who I am, how I help myself, how I find myself when I'm lost and how to see answers unfold before me as I put words to the page. If I don't write, who am I?

I have always worked. Work always has its challenges no matter what I do, where I work or how I find a way to pay the bills. My work life has always been cyclical. I despise new jobs, not knowing what I need to know and struggling to meet the demands of a job. I love the middle. The part where I am comfortable, know my way around and I feel mostly satisfied at the end of a week. Then there is the end. The part where I'm searching, feeling "this" isn't right for me any more. Where do I go next? I have landed on my feet at the end of each one of these work cycles but I'm aging out and my desire to start a brand new job is nil. I don't want to start anew so I can't end this cycle. Maybe that is exactly where I am meant to be. Because if I don't work, who am I?

I am also nearing the end of my active parenting role. I will always BE a parent but my well worn phrase these days is, "I want to be a parent, the noun. I don't want to actively parent, the verb." I feel so ready to have my adult children show up on my doorstep (and vice versa) and just chat on a adult to adult level. We are all human, so there will always be the back and forth supportiveness that comes with the role of parenting. I will not abandon my adult children but I'm ready for each of us to live independently of each other. Once my last child leaves the nest and I find myself alone, who will I be if I'm not parenting?

I feel so ready to be done working yet the financial feasibility of living life without a regular paycheque is daunting. On days when anxiety rises to uncomfortable levels, I pull out my spreadsheets, update my net worth and try to guess what my financial needs will be when I stop working which stops me cold in my tracks. Working to age 70 and beyond seems to be the only consistent answer I come up with. Thus, the end-cycle of my present day work situation will most likely be followed by the need to start anew. I have fretted about my finances since I was a child. Always dreaming of how I would save up for the next goal, pay the bills, pay off debt, attempt to save regularly. If I didn't worry about money, how would I feel? 

Little stuff. The annoyance of cat hair verses the love of my favorite furry friends. If I didn't have cats, would I be content?

Home ownership and maintenance. The demands of owning a home are without end. I watch home renovation shows and long for low maintenance, minimal possessions, a four season sun room and convertible spaces to allow for overnight guests. City verses small town living. Having two homes to choose from, where would I choose to live? Where do I want to be to BE when I finish working?

I spent my entire childhood wanting to grow up. I grew up and discovered being an adult is hard work so I shifted my focus to the day when my children would leave home, I would be done working and living in a house that felt like home in every nook and cranny.

If all my wishes came true and I was living that idyllic life, who would I be when my days are not filled with what fills them up today?

Who WILL I be when I grow up?

No answers today. Only questions.

Budgeting verses Increasing Costs of Living

So, have you heard the price of gas went up again? This is becoming the newest well worn phrase, replacing talk about the weather.

Would you rather talk about gas prices or weather? I'm not a fan of either topic. My go-to response is "How are you coping with [insert gas costs or current weather issue]?"

My strategy is (and always has been) struggling to ensure my expenses do not exceed my income. Either cut down spending or increase income. Is there anything to be sold? Is there a more economical way to manage what we have? Using power, water and heating frugally. What spending can be slashed? 

When gas prices started inching up, I played the game well. I utilized Air Miles incentives at their sponsored gas station. All I had to do was fill up three times within a month to receive 100 bonus Air Miles. Then one can redeem 95 of those Air Miles for $10.00 off any Air Miles purchase at their affiliated stores. I have cashed in $50.00 of those miles since January and I'm one gas fill up away from my next $10.00 bonanza.

My credit cards accumulate points which can either go towards payment of the credit card balance or a purchase at the store which is associated with the card. I have recently added a new card which has offered a savings of 25 cents per litre for the first 10 fill ups using the card. I have loyalty cards where I shop the most. 

It is a game and I play it (fairly) well. At the moment, I have about $100.00 worth of points I can utilize to subsidize the increasing costs of living.

Groceries have always been my go-to budget slashing item. I have gotten lazy over the course of time and have defaulted to buying whatever I please. I shop at the most economical store I know of to ensure overall, I'm paying as low a price as possible (not always true but it tends to work out to saving $5.00 to $6.00 per $50.00 spent). Granted, due to the knowledge I'm saving money, I have a tendency to over-spend at this very store so I'm still spending more than I should.

The benefit of online grocery shopping is you can play around with the items in your cart and ensure you don't exceed your budgeted amount. The ability to add, remove, change and alter your order without physically walking up and down the aisles with a calculator in hand is a huge benefit. Something I haven't utilized. Yet. But the day is coming (or already has come and gone and I missed the memo). It may take more time but this could save money each and every time I shop.

So far, the only grocery budgeting strategy I have managed to date is due to my "intentional eating" mandate. I have stopped allowing myself to grab a bag of chips and eat in front of the TV so I can stay awake longer. No eating while watching TV is my rule. I have not limited what I can eat or how much I can eat. I simply altered HOW I eat. I must eat without distraction. I am three weeks into this resetting of my mindset and I can tell you one thing. Eating chips without watching TV is the furthest thing from my mind. I am easily saving a three-bag-a-week chip habit. Plus, I have stopped drinking my favorite diet cola beverage in lieu of water (flavored water using drink crystals which we already have, but I'm trying). I used to drink a one litre bottle of pop every other day or so. So add my pop savings to my chip savings and it equals a weekly savings of $12.36 according to today's bargain store pricing. 

My take-out food habit has been reined in by driving out to my weekend oasis location. Recent take-out spending has amounted to less than $50 per month. When I spend weekends in the city it is almost guaranteed we will order take-out food at least once, easily doubling that amount. My old spending habits easily averaged $100.00 per month or more.

Current monthly spending habits equal cashing in on $10.00 worth of Air Miles by playing by the rules of current promotions + almost $50.00 in chips & pop + $50.00 take-out reduction = $110.00 per month. 

And this ... is how I justify the gas it costs to drive an extra 250 km per week to spend time at my weekend rejuvenation destination. Unfortunately the cost to fill my gas tank (compared to last year's prices) has increased by approximately $33.00 per fill up X 4 times per month = a cost increase of  $132.00 per month so I still need to find a way to slash $22.00 monthly spending. 

What can be slashed? Do we need Netflix ($18.30) AND Amazon Prime ($11.09)? No. Do I NEED the extra channel package on my cable TV ($8.88)? Not without the ability to stay awake without eating chips, I don't. I just "found" another $20.00 I could save. 

I have slashed "going out for coffee with a friend" from my expenses. Holidays? I have one possible destination in mind but I have been saving $100 per month for just such an occasion so IF I make a decision, it has already been factored in. Thanks to previous COVID restrictions, I have lost my desire to go to see a movie, attend live theatre, a weekend day trip to meet up with someone halfway between our homes or any of my previous ideas of a fun outing. I'm saving all kinds of money by holding onto those restrictions on an ongoing basis.

The question is: Am I still living a memorable life while slashing "all of the above"? 

My answer is: Thanks to my little home away from home on the weekends, I have added value to my weekends where I am restored by spending time in my little oasis where my recreational vices are spending time/walking with my sister; cooking/cleaning/puttering around our little home; and the joy of having a cousin move in six houses from my little weekend retreat. I have found a way to justify the cost of gas and it doesn't feel like I've sacrificed a thing. 

I stepped away from this post in progress to make myself a smoothie. With each and every cupboard, fridge and freezer door I opened I marveled at the privilege I have. A fully stocked kitchen with back up supplies. The ability to replenish what we have. The precarious notion of a guaranteed income. An income stream which could change in a New York Minute.

I am trying so very hard to be vigilant with spending as I know the fine line between life-as-I-know-it and how life-could-be should circumstances change.

What are your coping strategies? Have rising costs of living stilted your way of life or have you been fortunate enough to add value to your life by cutting corners in a way where you don't feel the burden of filling up your gas tank? Have you managed to find small ways to make a difference? Or has this added fuel to the fire of a budget already stretched beyond its limitations?

Enough said. Tomorrow, I'd like to write about rabbits again. Okay?

Could this be a sign that ever goes by the wayside?

The Day the Well Ran Dry

The well didn't exactly run dry but it felt as if we ran out of almost anything I touched.

The end of a toilet paper roll, the last of the frozen orange juice, the last cup of coffee, the end of cat litter deodorizer ... and the day had just begun.

Of all the things I emptied, I had a back up supply to replenish the stock. 

I had been watching my pennies very carefully and knew "today" was the day I could resume spending. I had reached the limit I could repay in full on my credit card so I just needed to get to today until I could start spending again.

The last time I ran our grocery supply so close to the wire was COVID-Friday. 

It was the day COVID became real in our world and I had let our supplies run low because I was playing the game of "no spending allowed until the credit card cut off date". By the time I made it to the store that fateful day in 2020, the stock on the shelves was depleted to a scary all time low.

As I lived that moment of déjà vu, I felt a small amount of angst but forged on with the morning.

I ordered our groceries online and picked them up without the world as I know it ending. Other than the cat litter deodorizer being out of stock for the second time in a row, all of our reserves were brought back to their usual levels and life will go on.

"This" is the very reason I like to have one extra of everything we use regularly on hand at all times. One never knows when the well may run dry and refilling those reserves may not be as easy as it always has been.

I guess this is why they suggest we should have between three to six months of worth of basic living expenses available in case of emergency. If I have so much trouble making it to my next credit card statement cut off date, you can imagine how my emergency savings fund must look.

One never knows when life-as-we-know-it could change on a dime. We have very little control over the vast majority of all that could happen. Perhaps this is why I have always had a budget. I need to feel in control of something within this out of control world. 

Paid in Full

 Another pay day, one more big bill crossed off my list-of-bills-to-pay is paid in full. Oh, what a feeling!!

It was approximately a year ago when I borrowed money from my son's savings account to paint the exterior of our home. I have been playing catch-up ever since. It has taken a year to get back to "zero" and my income has remained stable throughout this time. 

At the beginning of COVID, I was uncertain how my income would be affected. I had a back up plan but it involved incurring debt. Had worst come to worst, I would have qualified for the payments our government provided which would have been a godsend. Taking on added debt without a regular pay cheque in sight is incredibly hard to make up.

I count my lucky stars for every month where my income rolls in as expected and on time. I realize my income sources are not a guarantee and know I need to create a contingency plan for the time when this changes.

It took a year to recover from borrowing $5,000. What if my income was cut by a third? How would I manage? Contingency plans run rampantly through my thoughts as there will come a day when that becomes my reality.

Now that I'm almost in the home stretch of paying my major annual expenses (house and car insurance left to go), I must take action to ensure I'm not so reliant on every penny I earn.

It always ends up this way. The moment there is a small amount of wiggle room within my budget, I find a way to create the scarcity I am accustomed to living with. I've made do with much less in the past. I always find a way.

Back up plans, cut backs on personal spending and making do. I am grateful for the stay-at-home recommendations throughout this time. It has made budgeting so much easier to attain. 

Last July and August my vacation spending equalled the amount it took me one year to save this year. Then, I went on to spend that amount all over again throughout the remainder of the year. Vacationing is expensive!

I'm on the right track but I must admit COVID restrictions have made all things possible. Finding my way back into the black is a huge incentive to keep going this way. As my son quoted something he read long ago, when one is continually living in debt and fighting to pay it off, the end reward is, "All that hard work and budgeting and all I have, is 'zero' ". 

Zero is good. Ground zero is a very good foundation. Working up to that foundation is not without its challenges, but when you get there the tendency is to try to keep your head above water. 

Staying afloat is a life long endeavor. I am grateful for what I have, how I got here and my ability to maintain the status quo. At least for now. 

How in the world does a person ever retire when living pay cheque to pay cheque has been your reality your entire adult life? I'm sure life will teach me this lesson. 

To be continued ...

The Vacation Not Taken

In a preemptive move after last year's excessive holiday spending, I started saving the vacation pay off of every pay cheque. I started my savings on August 31st. I have just been paid to July 31st. One year's savings have accumulated. 

One year of slow but steady saving has resulted in a grand total of $1,475.92 sitting in a little nest egg with the words "vacation pay" noted on each and every deposit.

In the grand scheme of things it is a pretty small amount. But if I hadn't put it aside, this very same amount of money would have been eaten up by day to day living. I am quite certain my chequing account would not have ended up with an excess equal to this amount. In my brain, chequing accounts = spending accounts. Money simply passes through and the goal is to keep it in the black (which normally results in a balance quite close to zero). 

Yes! I have a little vacation fund!! Yay, me!!!

Here I sit in my quiet little COVID world, spending little, going out less and quite enjoying the long harvest this year. I have spent many months squirreling away my acorns for a "winter" (aka: vacation) that is not on the horizon.

Do I long for time off? Yes. Do I wish I had vacation plans? No.

My thoughts continue to swirl around and focus on our home and the bathrooms that never got updated in the Year of Renovations. I think how fast $10,000 would go if we tackled a bathroom and I am quite happy to sit home and continue doing what I am doing.

I ponder the day when my 18 year old car will need to be replaced. Never in a million years would I replace it with a brand new vehicle but again, $10,000 would disappear very quickly when looking for a newer, reliable car.

I know the world is becoming restless with social distancing advisories, ever-increasing cases of COVID-19 and coming to terms with the realization that our "new normal" is unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetime.

I also realize our economy would be in real trouble if everyone in the world was content to stay home and squirrel away any excess they may find in their already sparse budget fearing the long, cold winter which may or may not be the result of this strange new world we are navigating. 

But I'm not adding to our country's deficit and I am paying my own way. So I am playing a small part in not worsening the state of our economy.

Another year of saving may result in doubling today's figure. One year in our future, a vacation may be something I would consider. The truth of the matter is we have absolutely no idea where we may be one year from now. Who would have ever predicted today's reality?

To save or not to save. That is the question.

I love the idea of my vacation fund. This small little savings account allows me a place to dream. Just a little. The vacation not taken this year will provide an opportunity for something else to step in, in its place. 

Another Month Bites the Dust

Another month has flown by in my bookkeeping world and I continue to run out of month before I run out of work. 

I remember the saying "There is too much month left over at the end of the money" which has been the story of my life as I have precariously balanced my personal finances throughout my adulthood.

This is a new dilemma. "There is too much work left at the end of the month".

This is either very good (if there continues to be work to do, this helps my job stability) or very bad (if I an not working efficiently enough perhaps there is a better person for my job).

At this very moment in time, it feels like a good thing. I am working. I am working hard. I am working a lot. I am working hard at becoming more proficient at my job. I am working from home.

I am working. I feel valued. I feel productive (most days). 

I am busy. My mind is consumed. There is a defined difference between "work", "leisure" and "me time".

I am earning my way, paying the bills and keeping on top of where I need to be financially.

In this world, especially during this time, I recognize and appreciate how truly blessed I am to have all of the above.

Where would I be without my job? How much of my identity and self worth is intertwined with what I do and my ability to earn a pay cheque? If I wasn't working, would I continue to feel valued, productive, busy and my thoughts consumed with life outside myself? Would my days have definition or would they all start to blur together and feel the same?

Life as we know it can change in a New York minute. At this moment in time, I am grateful. Simply grateful. 

Time Flies

I have discovered the secret to making the months fly by is to become a bookkeeper, an accountant or any line of work that has monthly deadlines. Add working from home to the mix and these COVID months have flown by so fast I am one of the rare few who wouldn't mind going back to the beginning of all of this and doing it all over again.

Why in the world would a person want time to go by so fast? In all my years of saving, budgeting and paying off debt, "pay day" was the day of the month I most anticipated. It was the day I could knock a few more dollars off my debt load, pay off the bills and bring myself back to zero, or add to my savings (the savings part goes back to my younger, B.D. - Before Debt years). 

It doesn't matter how much or how little I make; how high or low my debt load is; or how comfortable my life should be financially, I tend to find myself recreating scarcity when it comes to my finances.

When I was working full time, paying for daycare, upgrading my wardrobe, putting more dollars into car maintenance and all the costs associated with working I always felt broke. When a window opened where it seemed like I could breathe a little easier, I added retirement savings, insurance and a regular savings plan to my budgeting scheme to ensure all annual bills were anticipated and ready to pay to recreate the feeling of never having quite enough. 

When I opened my daycare, I didn't earn enough to pay the bills at first. I dipped into my RRSP to shingle the roof. I withdrew the un-locked portion of my pension to make ends meet. I did what it took to keep the bills paid. There was no room for saving but I was at home and paying the bills. I was rich in all the ways that mattered. Just not financially.

Eventually, my daycare income became stable enough to sustain our household expenses. Once again I found ways to return to the feeling of scarcity in the budget. Whether it was house repairs or simply extra-curricular spending, I always seemed to find a way to feel like I was one pay cheque away from financial ruin.

Then came The Year of Mom. The year I ran out to Mom's whenever the need or desire arose. My employment situation was flexible enough to allow for me to take time off and go on a whim. This unpaid time off was subsidized by another pension fund withdrawal. I made it work despite the hit to my income.

I should have been on easy street from that point forward but there was the Year of Fly Away Vacations, followed by the Year of Renovations. At each and every juncture I spent just a little more than I had. 

I juggled here and there to keep balancing to zero but at the end of last year's renovations I was officially $5,000.00 in the hole. 

I thought I was in a place where I could easily pay it off in five, $1,000.00 monthly installments. I was so wrong. My annual savings account where I carefully allotted a set monthly amount to cover the larger annual expenses went by the wayside several years ago. One unexpected expense after another delayed my payment strategy. Now that the months are flying by and I have no incoming invitations and life's expenses have become predictable and manageable my debt will be paid in full tomorrow. Yay!!

This will be followed by paying my taxes, then saving for house insurance and car plates/insurance BUT if no unexpected expenses arise, I could be back in the driver's seat of managing my finances by November.

This is a big "if". There are so many unknown variables. In the meantime, I'm grateful for the speed with which I turn over a new calendar page. With each page, comes the hope that I'm one month closer to financial ease. 

Time flies when you are meeting deadlines.

Three Years

Last week, I read and reflected on the thought "What if this was your last week ..." A seed was planted that grew into a dream. A dream that felt amazingly light and brought an incredible sense of peace.

I can recall my dream in fragments. What I remember was being told (presumably by a doctor) that I had only three years to live. My response was a surprise to the person who imparted this news in my dream. "Three years?!" Three years was perfect!!

Three years would give me ample time to "clean house" and prepare. I would have lots of time to spend with family, friends, gatherings and re-unioning (obviously I was not concerned with COVID-19 within my dream state). I only had to concern myself with three more years of financially supporting myself?! 

Everything felt so attainable. Three years was perfect!!

I forgot about that dream until I started writing this morning. It is impossible to know what three years will bring. The ground beneath my feet feels uncertain at the moment. Kind of like I'm walking in quicksand and ever fearful of being pulled under.

Three years.

Why don't I "clean house" figuratively and literally? Not in one weekend. Just adopt a mindset of cleaning up the clutter within our home, my mind and my world in general.

Three years. 

My son should be close to completing his education and looking at the world beyond "home". My work world will have evolved into something different than today.  

Three years.

It is impossible to predict where things will be in three years. But what if a doctor told me I had three years to live. You can bet that I would spend those years wisely.

Why not spend my time wisely anyway?

Mathematical Recap of the Year ("Boring Alert" - you may wish to skip this one)

It all started when I started mentally recapping the year 2019 in my mind. It was a good year. It was memorable. It was productive. It was also very expensive.

Then my thoughts took a turn toward the financial side of the year past.

How can I start the new year right - with a new budget in place, pay off an outstanding loan from the year past AND save up for income taxes?

I looked backward and studied the money I spent. I looked forward and tried to orchestrate a budget I can live within. I added up all annual expenses and divided them by twelve to re-institute "annual expenses" back into my budget. The less I earn, the better I manage my money. This was a very financially irresponsible year.

I need to curb my spending, pay off debt and cover my tax bill while hoping no unexpected expenses arise.

Would I change a thing about the year past? Not in a heart beat.

House renovations were long overdue. I wish I had crossed fixing up the bathrooms off the list. If I had, I would be in a pretty fine pickle right about now. Thankfully I reined in my wishes and tabled bathroom renovations for another decade.

Many fine memories were made as I went where I wanted to go, did what I wanted to do, issued invitations on one hand and accepted them on the other.

It was a very good year but I am not quite in the head space to write a Christmas letter at the moment. I need to pick my head up and look above and beyond my financial spreadsheets. I need to find my whimsical side.

When I look up and out of the dollars and cents part of this life equation, I see so very many good things. At the end of the day, I turn on the Christmas lights and find my inner joy as I glance out the window in hope of spotting a rabbit.

It takes so very little to please me. I can read, write, visit and spot rabbits without leaving the house or spending a dime. So where the heck does all the money go? Just give me a sec and I can account for nearly every penny!

This is no time to write Christmas letters. I'll save that for a less financially minded day. I think I'll go watch for rabbits now ...

Using Every Last Drop

I catch myself marvelling at the blessed life I live, where I have a pantry/cupboard and/or freezer to rely on when our supplies run low.

I have a stockpile of regularly used household items and groceries so it is a rare event to look for something we need and come up empty. Each and every time I retrieve something from our excess storage areas, I quietly think the words "Thank you" and remind myself of our very good fortune.

I am a firm believer that respecting one's financial limitations, using everything until the very last drop, not being wasteful and simply being aware of how one's money is spent is rewarded in small and almost imperceptible ways. 

I cannot begin to count the times I have had a shortfall within my budget which has been covered by an unexpected windfall. While I don't believe these are actual miracles, I do contend that coming across an unexpected cheque of thirty odd dollars at a time when you know your budget is short an amount that is very close to the unexpected bonus, you are put in a place where you are rewarded for being mindful of every little thing.

I keep track of my spending. This hasn't changed my spending habits but the practise of being aware of what I spend continually reminds me of my financial state of affairs.

Our little home seems to be going through a time of running low (but not out of) many small items. Yesterday morning, I cut down the hand lotion bottle to retrieve the massive amount of lotion not reachable by the lotion's pump. I'm almost certain this lotion will last at least two more weeks. I used the very last of some lip balm (cut in half and I've utilized every last drop of it long after it appeared to be empty); and I officially declared the travel sized toothpaste "empty". I then drained the last of the hand soap which had been stored upside down so none was wasted; and this morning I emptied the last dregs of our mustard bottle.

There is an ample supply of lotion, chapstick, toothpaste, hand soap and mustard on deck. But I cannot bear to throw something away before its time. And I am actually quite excited to know I will not have to squeeze the contents dry for quite some time as all of the above is replaced by a fresh, new supply. 

Yesterday morning's snapshot of some of the things that are running on empty

I am gazing at my monthly cash flow projection and see I will be short $174.23 next month. This is so very close to the amount I have budgeted to save but I am determined to get back into the savings habit one small step at a time. My awareness of what I am short is making me mindful of ways to decrease that number. 

The small act of utilizing every last drop out of that which we have makes me think of the parallel to living life to the fullest. If only I could take my days and ensure I lived every day as if I was squeezing every last drop out of the hours I had at my disposal ...

Work is depleting me. This I know. The answer to my budget shortfall is to offer to work an extra two days. That would be enough to cover the shortage. I must be on the tail end of my work life. I do not want to squeeze my days dry by working. I would prefer to squeeze the life out of my day by finding something that fills my soul. I am just too tuckered out at the day's end to care. 

My dream quota has been running on empty for a while. I tried filling that part of myself with things-to-do and places-to-go. Tacking that onto my work load was not ideal. Taking a holiday that felt like a chore marked off my to-do-list made it one of the hardest holidays I ever took.

I guess it is no wonder I find myself filling up on Netflix and salty snacks. It is the best I can do right now. Baby steps ...

Back to Balancing the Budget (again)

I do believe that we unintentionally recreate our past with each forward step we take throughout our lives.

I have recreated a situation within my finances where I am falling short of what I need. I seem to need less to create more.

In short, I have been spending more than I have been earning. It is as simple as that. I have created a shortage in my funds which feels familiar and comfortable. Is this why we keep recreating our past? Because it is simply what we "know", so we keep heading down the same path over and over again?

I am not a big fan of change but honestly? Recreating the financial rut I'm facing is so avoidable.

I sat down with pen and paper this morning and wrote a list of Budgeting Goals. One year from now, I do NOT want to be where I am today. I want to have saved for the house insurance; I plan to put aside all my vacation pay so I actually HAVE some vacation pay when I take some time off; I need to save more for income taxes than I have been so I'm ready for the tax man in April.

I must get in the habit of SAVING. Just a little off the top. "Pay yourself first" is the motto my financial planning courses taught me. Apparently I am not a very good student. I forgot that simple rule.

Home renovations and maintenance have ruled my life for the majority of this year in progress. Our house had been neglected for eleven years so if I was to divide this grand total by eleven, it wouldn't seem so bad. Perhaps that is exactly what I need to do to create a "home maintenance" space in my budget. While I'm at it, I should create a "car maintenance" account too.

Here I go again. If I follow through with all of these plans I will feel eternally "broke".

Less is more, Mom always said. I'm livin' the dream!!

Accountability

With Great Spending, comes Great Accountability.

Oh dear.

That is all I can say.

Painting + upcoming house insurance (I forgot to account for that) + upcoming holidays = "Houston, we have a problem"

There is nothing I have created that cannot be solved. Long story short, I cannot wait until this Time of Great Spending is behind me. I am very much looking forward to living my quiet, modest little life, spent sitting in or outside our home and simply admiring all that has been accomplished.

The exterior painting of our home was long over due. It was the tipping point and the one expense I should not have added to this year's budget. But it had to be done. It was the right thing to do.

I have booked holidays when my financial state of affairs were in far worse condition than my present day situation. Sometimes you simply have to act on what feels right because that particular opportunity will never arise again. I have never regretted any holiday spending I have ever allowed myself. Never. I am certain this will be the case once again.

The house insurance? I can't believe it fell off my radar. I will plan for this expected expense next year. This was my bad.

It all works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it is not yet the end.

It's all good. I will be held accountable for all I have spent. No one has done this to me. I have done this myself.

This Time of Great Spending has been fun. But it must end. And that's all I have to say about that.

What If ...

What if that which you were complaining about the most was gone in an instant? No warning. No time to prep. Simply "poof"! And it was gone ...

Discontentment on the job? What if one arrived to work one morning and you were greeted with your final pay cheque and the statement, "We no longer require your services"? The end.

A child who was causing grief, worry, anxiety and general overall frustration? What if they were in a car accident and didn't survive? Your worries would be replaced by grief (and very likely a good dose of guilt).

A marriage/relationship that you couldn't see your way out of? What if they walked out the door and never came back? No room for discussion. Over.

Never ending maintenance on your home? What if it burned to the ground, taking all your worldly possessions (and maybe a cat or two) with it. No more maintenance required.

Speaking of cats, what about the (seemingly) infinite amount of cat hair you cannot keep on top of? What if the cat(s) died? Sure, you'd have cat hair for a while but wouldn't you feel completely different about knowing it was the last of its kind? No more cat = no more cat hair.

You can't find what you are looking for in a grocery store? What if the suppliers stopped supplying their wares and there was a shortage or rations over what was available to purchase?

The price of gas is soaring? What if that gas wasn't even available?

You wake up with a crick in your neck or back? What if you woke up in the morning and couldn't get out of bed?

A bad hair day? What if your hair started falling out and never grew back?

A disrupted nights sleep because of an excessive amount of noise? What if you couldn't hear?

I sit here and think of all the minor things which have been taking up valuable real estate in my mind and I can talk myself down off of every cliff if I think of of I ask myself the question: "What if this problem was taken away from me without warning?"

I had a very restless sleep last night. I kept waking up. I kept turning on Greys Anatomy to turn off my thoughts and tune into a fictional story line. I kept waking up. I kept turning on Greys.

I didn't have the ability to stay awake more than a minute and a half before I fell back into a light slumber so I kept rewinding and replaying the same episode. It was the episode where the hospital was in danger of being sold for scrap and the entire staff would be laid off. If that deal fell through "There would be no money for payroll ..."

It was like I was hit by a truck right in my own bed. What if I walked into work and was told exactly that fact. What if I was told "Effective immediately, your services are no longer required because [insert any reason here]"?

I woke up and my thoughts immediately went to the list of exterior house maintenance I am having taken care of this year. I have fast forwarded my cash flow situation so I can look at the long term and plan how to afford this endeavor. The ability to plan relies solely on the fact that I earn not only one pay cheque, but two. If my income was slashed in half, I may have half the stress I'm currently contending with but it would be replaced by new worries.

Would I rather adapt to the conditions in which I'm presently living with? Or start from scratch and be faced with an entirely unexpected set of troubles?

It happens every day. People get laid off. Accidents happen. People walk away. Houses burn to the ground. Pets die. Good health deteriorates.

We often take what we have for granted. It is good to remind yourself (and by "yourself", I am referring to "me") that things could change in an instant. What if ...

New Season, New Thoughts

With the onset of spring, comes the thought of exterior house maintenance. Home ownership and I have waged our battles over the course of the past 25 years. I don't know which side is winning because just when I think I'm ahead of the game, regular wear and tear takes its toll and I'm back at the beginning again.

Our interior, main floor renos went so well I am looking outside and seeing all that needs to be done (and should have been done several years ago). Shingles, soffit, fascia and painting. It sounds simple, doesn't it? Simple doesn't necessarily equate to cheap.

We lived here nine years before I bit the bullet and had the exterior of our home painted and replaced the shingles. I remember saying at the time "The next time the house needs to be painted, I'll replace the soffit and fascia. The time after that, I will get maintenance free siding."

Well, it is sixteen years later and it's time to live up to my long overdue promise. Paint with a side order of soffit and fascia please. Oh, and for fun let's just toss in some new shingles. Shingles are actually where we need to begin.

I'm no fool. I know this will trigger more costs, more spending and more updates.

I gazed at our the rusty railing on our front door step and asked my son's opinion. Paint or replace? I was speaking of the railing only. He looked at the doorstep and stated he thought the entire step should be replaced.

One doorstep at a time.

First the shingles. Then the eaves. We will work our way down and see what is left at the end of the money.

I think I will replace our mailbox and house numbers though. Those are additions I can live with.

Spring has sprung and it has unloaded a heavy burden on my budget. As exasperated as I feel at this moment in time, I uttered the words "I'll get the house all fixed up, sell it and retire to a cheaper housing market ".

It's food for thought. But the more the house is updated, the more I like it. I will probably stay. At least until the dawn of a new season.

Dollars and Sense

It never ceases to amaze me how "numbers" always seem to work out when I watch them carefully.

I had a finite number of dollars I was willing to pay for our recent renovations. These numbers didn't equate to the exact number in my bank account because I paid for some expenses within my monthly spending perimeters. But when I tallied up all of the renovation expenses, they did not exceed my bank starting balance by much. And after all was said and done, I actually had money left over.

In a perfect world, this amount would have gone towards a new front door. I checked in on the aforementioned door this morning and I found it has to be special ordered. The anticipated wait time for this? Four to six weeks.

I had an appointment to get my income taxes done this morning. Our friendly neighborhood taxation department will give me until April 30th to pay the amount I owe them. Again, I have about six weeks to cover this bill.

Interesting fact. The amount I have left in the account I was using to pay for our renovations is short only $9.45 of what I need to pay in income tax. I calculated the amount of interest I expect to receive at the end of the month and after my interest is paid, the shortfall is only $6.44.

I knew what my tax bill was going to be so I have allowed for that in my budget. I was going to have the amount saved up by the end of April. There is quite literally no shortfall.

I can get my door and pay my taxes too.

When I watch over my pennies, the dollars take care of themselves. It all makes perfect dollars and sense.

The Day of Reckoning

After all is said and done, I can now sit still and look at the "numbers" part of this renovation equation.

I have played with my finances all morning and I can quite honestly say that no debt was incurred in order to pull off this Renovation of the Year.

There has been a bit of a juggling act as I robbed Peter to pay Paul, then paid Paul back but had to borrow from his cousin Patrick. Then there is that nasty guy (let's call him Percival) who would like his share of the Income Tax dollars and I'm still juggling the numbers to make them work.

I am accustomed to making my dollars stretch. It doesn't seem to matter how much or how little expendable cash I have at the end of the month, I seem to create "scarcity" in my budget. It's just how I roll.

As I dealt with a finite number in my savings account, I fought to stay within the perimeters of my allotted renovation budget. This is a far cry from how I tend to think when I'm using credit to finance my wishes. With "credit", comes a thought process (if you are like me) that sounds a little bit like this: "I already owe $__,___.00, so what's a little more?"

When dealing with credit, it is a slippery slope. There is still a finite amount of dollars available to charge up but when one isn't draining a bank account, it is harder to put the brakes on spending.

Even though our home has sustained a substantial amount of renovating, it still has a long way to go before all of its needs are met. I could borrow money to finish the job but I kiboshed that idea pretty quickly. If I started borrowing funds, I could start overspending far too easily.

Moving our existing furniture back upstairs after the renovation was a little anticlimactic. Even though everything from floor to ceiling was refurbished, our preexisting furnishings took the shine off of everything that was new.

My oldest son walked in, commented that this renovation was long overdue and, without taking a breath, added "Now you need a new table ..."

No. I don't. I have everything I need. The "wants" can come at a later date, after the remaining list of things-to-be-done are complete and paid for.

My extra curricular spending after the renovation was complete consisted of mats for the front and back door entrances and closets; a new white fire alarm; and a new wall phone (our previous one had a few non-working issues).

This doesn't mean my wish list is empty. It means I am restraining the spending until my income taxes and new front door are paid in full. Priorities.

I sat outside with our cats the other morning and found my old "dream folder". I enjoyed crossing many items off my previous wish list, while still dreaming of all that is left to be done.

Dad once told me it is human nature to always want more than you have. You think you "just" want one thing. Then when you attain that goal, you automatically set your sights on the next thing. I think of his words and his wisdom every time I reach a point such as this.

You were so right, Dad. Yes, I am thrilled to have done all we have done!! But now ... I just want to do a little more.

"Keep on dreaming, girl! It is truly the best way to live a life. Keep your eyes set on the future and anything becomes possible."

Disconnected Thoughts

As I lived the past weekend without my cell phone, computer and ever present WiFi connection, I had so much more energy without the pull of all of the above.

I wasn't disconnected from the world. I was simply unplugged from all gadgets that leave me wide open to send, receive and wait for incoming messages. The only connections I left open were the phone line, the television and the freedom to drive or walk wherever I wanted to go. I didn't have to go far. Everything I needed was already here.

Conversations were better, energy levels were higher and I was simply more "present". Due to my inability to dig into the archives of old texts, emails and blog posts I was forced to stay in the moment much more than I have become accustomed.

Yes, my thoughts drifted to the past but they didn't remain there. I took my pen and pad outside with me and let my fingers write whatever came to mind. Fragments of thoughts, house maintenance that needs to be tended and a five year renovation plan came to mind.

Without the ability to draw myself into thoughts and conversations that should be left to memory alone, I naturally ended up drawn into the present and looking ahead. Looking up from my technological devices was required to direct my attention forward.

I couldn't believe how many times I was drawn to check something on the computer. The weather, movie listings. my budget spreadsheet, my Air Miles balance (did I get the 100 bonus points I was expecting??)...

What were the first things I checked when I signed back on this morning? Emails and text messages. Anything important had already been followed up with a phone call. Everything else required no immediate reply.

Next, I opened my budget spreadsheet. I had the weekend's expenses (very few, may I add) to add to my monthly spending tab. Secondly, I wondered how long ago I had paid for the car wash I finally utilized yesterday. Finally, I confirmed the answer to my question, "How in the world did I afford to pay the bills last year?" I found the answer rather interesting.

In October of the year when Mom's health began to take a notable turn, I withdrew a lump sum from my pension. These funds were to act as my safety net while I dealt with the aftermath of closing my daycare and headed into an unknown future. Less than one month later, Mom ended up in the hospital which preempted all else. My daycare closed earlier than anticipated and months after that, Mom's health turned one more time.

Mom didn't really ever completely bounce back after that point. She rallied, she fought back and didn't show weakness. But something changed. I simply knew I wanted to be available to run out at any time and stay as long as I felt I needed/wanted to be there. And I did.

That decision is one I'll never regret. The repercussions were unimportant. Increased car maintenance, gas consumption was offset by a decline in wages. Unexpected expenses continued to arise and I just kept doing what it took to pay the bills.

After all was said and done, the amount of my pension withdrawal covered all of my budget shortfalls except for $1,200.00. After Mom's death, I promised my siblings I would keep track of my costs going forward and recoup them from her estate. Grand total? $1,040.00. So in reality, my shortfall was a mere $160.00.

One year before Mom died, I had withdrawn almost exactly what I would need to cover my shortage of income during her final year.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. Whenever I respect my financial limitations, extra curricular costs seem to be offset by an equal or similar dollar value of something I was not expecting. It happens all the time.

This past weekend, the cost of the hotel room for the night I did not pay for was only $13.00 less than the amount of my healthy eating grocery bill. Then, two unexpected cheques totalling $8.67 less than the cost of the hotel's cancellation fee I had to pay, in order to stay home.

There I go again. Trying to "balance to zero". Justifying staying home in the name of my budget was not even a consideration when I backed out of my plans last weekend. But when being home was exactly where I needed to be was rewarded with little financial windfalls along the way, I simply feel like I won the lottery.

Life is what we make it. I can find a way to justify almost any incident that comes my way. There is always a "plus" to offset any "minus". I just happen to be able to account for my choices in dollars and cents. This makes perfect sense to me.

I have spent the first four hours of today attached to this computer. I have one more blog post in me and then I need to walk away.

Two days of disconnection have resulted in an excess of words within me. Though I discovered that my brain to pen connection works very well when it comes to solving my daily word/Sudoku puzzles, my writing connection is wired to the ability to type my words onto a keyboard. The pen alone, cannot keep up with my brain.

Next time I disconnect, I may fire up my old Netbook for writing purposes only. Because there WILL be a next time. This I know for sure!