Disconnected Thoughts

As I lived the past weekend without my cell phone, computer and ever present WiFi connection, I had so much more energy without the pull of all of the above.

I wasn't disconnected from the world. I was simply unplugged from all gadgets that leave me wide open to send, receive and wait for incoming messages. The only connections I left open were the phone line, the television and the freedom to drive or walk wherever I wanted to go. I didn't have to go far. Everything I needed was already here.

Conversations were better, energy levels were higher and I was simply more "present". Due to my inability to dig into the archives of old texts, emails and blog posts I was forced to stay in the moment much more than I have become accustomed.

Yes, my thoughts drifted to the past but they didn't remain there. I took my pen and pad outside with me and let my fingers write whatever came to mind. Fragments of thoughts, house maintenance that needs to be tended and a five year renovation plan came to mind.

Without the ability to draw myself into thoughts and conversations that should be left to memory alone, I naturally ended up drawn into the present and looking ahead. Looking up from my technological devices was required to direct my attention forward.

I couldn't believe how many times I was drawn to check something on the computer. The weather, movie listings. my budget spreadsheet, my Air Miles balance (did I get the 100 bonus points I was expecting??)...

What were the first things I checked when I signed back on this morning? Emails and text messages. Anything important had already been followed up with a phone call. Everything else required no immediate reply.

Next, I opened my budget spreadsheet. I had the weekend's expenses (very few, may I add) to add to my monthly spending tab. Secondly, I wondered how long ago I had paid for the car wash I finally utilized yesterday. Finally, I confirmed the answer to my question, "How in the world did I afford to pay the bills last year?" I found the answer rather interesting.

In October of the year when Mom's health began to take a notable turn, I withdrew a lump sum from my pension. These funds were to act as my safety net while I dealt with the aftermath of closing my daycare and headed into an unknown future. Less than one month later, Mom ended up in the hospital which preempted all else. My daycare closed earlier than anticipated and months after that, Mom's health turned one more time.

Mom didn't really ever completely bounce back after that point. She rallied, she fought back and didn't show weakness. But something changed. I simply knew I wanted to be available to run out at any time and stay as long as I felt I needed/wanted to be there. And I did.

That decision is one I'll never regret. The repercussions were unimportant. Increased car maintenance, gas consumption was offset by a decline in wages. Unexpected expenses continued to arise and I just kept doing what it took to pay the bills.

After all was said and done, the amount of my pension withdrawal covered all of my budget shortfalls except for $1,200.00. After Mom's death, I promised my siblings I would keep track of my costs going forward and recoup them from her estate. Grand total? $1,040.00. So in reality, my shortfall was a mere $160.00.

One year before Mom died, I had withdrawn almost exactly what I would need to cover my shortage of income during her final year.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. Whenever I respect my financial limitations, extra curricular costs seem to be offset by an equal or similar dollar value of something I was not expecting. It happens all the time.

This past weekend, the cost of the hotel room for the night I did not pay for was only $13.00 less than the amount of my healthy eating grocery bill. Then, two unexpected cheques totalling $8.67 less than the cost of the hotel's cancellation fee I had to pay, in order to stay home.

There I go again. Trying to "balance to zero". Justifying staying home in the name of my budget was not even a consideration when I backed out of my plans last weekend. But when being home was exactly where I needed to be was rewarded with little financial windfalls along the way, I simply feel like I won the lottery.

Life is what we make it. I can find a way to justify almost any incident that comes my way. There is always a "plus" to offset any "minus". I just happen to be able to account for my choices in dollars and cents. This makes perfect sense to me.

I have spent the first four hours of today attached to this computer. I have one more blog post in me and then I need to walk away.

Two days of disconnection have resulted in an excess of words within me. Though I discovered that my brain to pen connection works very well when it comes to solving my daily word/Sudoku puzzles, my writing connection is wired to the ability to type my words onto a keyboard. The pen alone, cannot keep up with my brain.

Next time I disconnect, I may fire up my old Netbook for writing purposes only. Because there WILL be a next time. This I know for sure!