Father's Day

Father's Day has come and gone and I would not have even noticed, had it not been for those on Facebook acknowledging the day.

I am not a big fan of the Hallmark Holidays to begin with, but Father's Day is not a day that has been celebrated within my own little family unit for decades. The day is sort of a non-event in my little world.

I'm sorry.

It is not for lack of respecting, reflecting upon and remembering Dad. He was an honorable man and every time I utter his name, it is with reverence and admiration. He was the epitome of the "dad" I wish my sons had had.

He was a hard working, honest, respectful and good man. I can't begin to name the adjectives that describe who he was but in all my memories, he did not falter in being true to himself. He was who he was and did not alter his personality to fit a situation.

I saw a lot of his traits in my Youngest Son's dad but no one could quite measure up to Dad. His brothers are a close second but out of all seven of my grandparents' sons, I'm grateful Dad was the one we could call our own.

In this Year After Mom, my thoughts have become all consuming with Mom. Memories are so fresh that I want to write them down now, so I don't ever forget the small stuff.

Dad, you have been missing from our world so very many years. I dare not think of all I have forgotten. The little things.

I remember a lot. I think of conversations we had, things you taught me, how fortunate I was to know the side of you who was able to go away on camping weekends and go on SUMMER vacations.

I remember a silly side of you, your ability to laugh, the conversation we had when I was pouting in our trailer after your first heart attack and I remember you and Mom wallpapering 😲[astonished face]. You were human after all, Dad.

I cherish these memories because I know they are mine and mine alone. There wasn't a camera or tape recorder present to preserve and hold onto them. They are etched in my memory.

It is the little things that mean the most.

I wish I had a bigger stock pile of "moments" to hold onto. But there is something bigger than you that continues to keep you coming to the forefront of my thoughts more often than I talk about.

Dale was born three months before you died. He never knew you, yet he has embodied your persona in so very many ways. It warms my heart to think of the kinship of spirit you share with Dale. It's like a part of your soul wafted into his and became a part of who he has become.

Then there is your only son. Dad, you would have been so pleased with the person he has become. He is another father who is everything you were and perhaps a little more.

Your only begotten son was raised in a predominantly female world. He has a sensitivity within him and the means to communicate his thoughts in a way that makes me feel like I have a strong and faithful male role model within my world and someone my own sons aspire to emulate. His presence helps to fill the void you left behind.

Our lives without you began thirty five years ago. Your presence has never left us. Your future did.

You live on in our hearts, minds and souls. 

I may have overlooked Father's Day but you will not be forgotten, Dad. Even in those who never knew you.