Bliss ... Pure Bliss

It was the best holiday I never took. I stayed home, turned off my cell phone, the computer and simply "existed" this past weekend. It is a vacation I plan to take more often.

The WiFi connection cannot be heard but it is a presence unto itself. There is a subconscious awareness that pulls and draws me to check on all things on-line.

I could not believe the freedom I felt by not being beholden to these gadgets that had the potential to have a message waiting for me.

I am a girl who has sat by a phone waiting for it to ring. I am a girl who one time felt so lonely, that I wanted to chat a little longer to the person who called the wrong number. I am a girl who wanted to sit a tape recorder beside the telephone when I had to leave the house, to see if anyone called. I am a girl who was destined to become addicted to call display, emailing, texting and all things related to "connection" via an invisible, portable and wireless source.

I severed the connection this past weekend and it was absolutely marvelous.

I spent hours outside, watching our cats, listening to the birds, picking a few weeds, visiting with my children, soaking up the sun, walking a little, listening a lot and simply absorbing the world around me.

I cooked a little and I ate meals instead of incessantly grazing. I filled our fridge and prepared it for the upcoming week. A week where I never want to cook, a week where I simply want to grab what is close and run off to work with it, a week where my son and I are never home for a meal at the same time, a week that is driven by the need to be somewhere over most of the meal times.

Instead of paying for a hotel room, I bought groceries. Good, meal worthy kinds of food which filled the fridge to capacity. If you buy it, they will come. And they did.

My children know the way to my heart is through anything I don't have to cook myself. My son and his girlfriend arrived with coffee in hand yesterday morning. They had plans for the day and suggested we go out for supper later. I surprised them with my offer, "Why don't we just eat here instead?" And we did.

After they left, I puttered, I walked, then I came home and hung out in the back yard with our cats until my Youngest Son came home from work.

I listened to the echoes of the past. It was so quiet, I could hear past conversations, remember the lively days of my daycare, reflect on gatherings that have taken place and so very many one on one visits that have been had.

Memories, voices, pictures in my mind and the overwhelming feeling of contentment and cheer washed over, through and around me. I was enveloped in a peacefulness I cannot recall feeling for a very, very long time.

The leaves on the trees caught the breeze and trembled ever so gently. Every now and again, I would feel the brush of the wind touch me but Mom's wind chimes were silent. I watched them, willing them to sing out to me. They didn't have to beckon for me to come outside. I was already there. So they remained silent.

As I watched the birds play within the branches of the massive tree in our neighbor's yard, I thought of the time I spent in Mom's sun room last year watching the birds who used Mom's yard as their playground.

When I sit still and simply absorb the world around me and let thoughts waft in and out and through my mind, I often end up thinking of Mom. I watched her in her stillness a lot. She looked so very peaceful.

When the wind chimes stayed silent, I thought of Mom. I thought of Dad too. I felt their presence within me.

"This is where you need to be right now" is what I heard when I listened to the quiet. So that is where I stayed.

It was bliss. Pure bliss.