Giving Up Verses Giving In

One of life's most important lessons just may be: "Know when to call for help". This renewed piece of knowledge is brought to you by The Need to Get A New Computer.

This is how I thought the conversation went:

Me: I bought the computer using no other information than what you told us. It has 8 GB of Ram with an Intel processor. It is untouched, still sealed, new in the box, just in case we have to return it. I have never bought a computer before. My Previous Computer Guy always did everything for me and brought it to me when he did whatever had to be done. My boss said to have you take care of setting up the new computer.

Computer Guy: All you need to do is turn it on and let the updates run. That will save me time ...

So that is how I got myself into a situation that was way above my pay grade.

I knew I was in trouble when the absolutely very first thing I did when the computer came to life and asked me the simple question: 

What language do you want to use? "United States - English or Canada - [I didn't stop to read any further - I just knew I lived in Canada so I clicked before I read]"

Warning! Warning! Warning!

Always read before you click!!!!!!!

I clicked "Canada - ________" and apparently the word after Canada must have been French because from that point onward the computer spoke and typed to me in Canadian French.

The day steadily went downhill from there.

The next day, my Computer Guy came to install data from the hard drive which had crashed and our conversation went something like this:

Me: I got myself in way over my head. I've never done this before and I made every mistake known to man.

Computer Guy: That's why I always like to set up a new computer myself.

Me: I thought you said all I had to do was turn it on and let the updates run.

Computer Guy: [after a calm discussion of what he thought he said and what I thought I heard] There is no sense in wondering about what happened yesterday. We can only go forward from here.

Me: So apparently, when the VERY first thing you do is wrong, you quit and call an expert in the field.

Computer Guy: [short version of a very long answer] Yes

Lesson learned. 

I have become as wise as I am due to all the things I have done wrong before I find the right way. My personal motto is "I rarely take a direct route to where I'm going but I always get there in the end." Sometimes? Just sometimes? I need a little help getting there.

All of what I have learned in life has come from doing it wrong before I got it right. Or finally figured out that I should simply give up and/or call for help.

Giving up verses giving in. This ongoing battle will continue to be part of my life story. 

When do we finally get to the part where we are simply wise? I guess when we stop trying new things. I am starting to believe learning is highly overrated.

“Once you stop learning you start dying” 

~ Albert Einstein

Guilty as Charged - Misdemeanors of an Electronic Kind

I woke up on "guilt" this morning and I am not even going to put words to my thoughts because I know the only way to rid myself of guilty feelings is to act. The moment I take action or talk my way through, the thoughts will lose their power and this will become one of a million non-events in the history of my thoughts.

I hate knowing I've done wrong or could have handled a situation ever-so-much better. Because the moment I hear the other guy's perspective, I feel defensive. I feel like I am the one who has been wronged when I start defending my actions.

I hate waking up in the middle of the night feeling an unresolved conversation playing out in my mind. As much as I tried to talk myself down, reminding myself I will forget this feeling as soon as both parties have had a chance to talk, I couldn't rid myself of the thoughts that kept waking me up.

In the old days, a person would have had a two way conversation on the phone or in person. A minor little non-event or misunderstanding would be lost in the events of the day because both people would have had a chance to speak and listen and resolve the emotions-of-the-moment on the spot.

Nowadays, a person can send a text or message or email to voice a concern. This has its benefits because you have time to weigh your thoughts and your words carefully and "without emotion" (this is debatable because sometimes the words chosen do not depict the reality of what you are trying to say).

Then the other person can respond in kind. Or ... (and why didn't I think of this last night??) one could still always pick up the phone and chat. Just to clear the air and have that interplay of words without trying to read between the lines.

As I said, the "event" is really nothing. The "feelings" are what are bothering me. I responded to the query and didn't receive a confirmation of "It's okay" in return. You sit in cyber wonderland and wonder if your words were received in the manner they were sent.

Mom is right again. This whole "texting" and "messaging" and non-personal, non-interactive generation could so easily go down the tubes. Just because of a few ill chosen words. You really have to know a person to communicate without the aid of body language and all the cues you get when you listen to the inflection of a person's tone. Smiley faces and "laugh out loud" notations just don't get the point across well enough (especially when a person thinks LOL means "lots of love" and sends a "LOL" message after hearing someone's bad news) at times.

This whole non-event should have been a three minute conversation. One where you see the other guy's smile or sheepish look when they have done something another may have misunderstood. One where the other guy had a chance to respond and offer the chance for further clarification. One where a minor little thing (I am probably the only party who lost sleep over this, but then again maybe not - otherwise why wouldn't there have been that smiley face or thumbs up or "It's okay" message to tie up our virtual conversation?).

A little thing has become bigger than it needed to be. I am equally responsible for things unfolding the way they did. Thus, my guilt.

[Insert sheepish grin here]

I know it will be okay. I know it without a doubt. I just need to hear the other side of the conversation.

Is it Me???

I am still undecided if this incident deserves further energy on my part or not. I was on the receiving end of one more tongue lashing today. I stood in a state of disbelief. I didn't see it coming.

The last thing in the world that I expected was a confrontation.

I felt that I had a valid reason to voice my concern. I thought that the person on the receiving end of my observation would appreciate the fact that I talked directly to them, instead of going to a superior.

I was in no way, shape or form retaliating. I just thought that something should be said so that the incident could be prevented from happening in the future.

My mistake? I put it in writing.

The one and only reason that I wrote it down, was so that if I happened to be within earshot of others, I could discreetly hand over my comment without saying it out loud. I had no reason or desire to embarrass anyone nor cause a public display.

I was in a hurry and I didn't reread what I wrote. I had absolutely no idea that the last sentence would cause the recipient of my comment to feel as though this was a personal attack. The response was immediate and unbuffered from anyone within earshot.

I could (and perhaps should) have said much more. I relayed my concern over one incident. There were others. Perhaps if there hadn't been other parallel infractions, I would have let it slide.

I walked away dumbfounded.

I had absolutely no intention on letting this matter jade my loyalty to a business. I am having second thoughts.

I do not want to approach a higher level of management. It would appear that I have a personal vendetta against this employee if I did that.

The fact of the matter is, that I honestly have a valid complaint. I like to draw attention and acknowledge good service. I have voiced my discontentment with businesses a few times in the past. It has not been personal. I didn't feel as though one employee was being placed in jeopardy. It was a general observation.

That is how all of this began. A general observation that I intended to discreetly bring to the attention of my superior. It ended in a personal affront. The response was a verbal attack where an unrelated incident was brought up, which had absolutely nothing to do with the reason that I passed along my concern.
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I am also feeling a 'disconnect' from my previous employer.

I did everything I knew how to do, to try to salvage the situation. There is no sense in rehashing the past, but I do not know what more I could have done. Yet ... when it came to the final pay cheque and paperwork, they were both lacking. So I have been placed in a position where I must to follow up.

If there was anything that could have been salvaged from that work relationship, I believe that it has been lost.

Once again, I feel that I have a valid reason to complain. But if I do so, it becomes personal. To me, it isn't personal. I just want what is due to me.
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Is it any wonder that I feel like I am walking on eggshells at my New Job?

My previous work experiences have all been very positive. In almost 35 years of work experience, I have never ever run across situations that were anything like these.

Is it me? Am I walking around with a "Kick Me When I'm Down" sign on my back??? Or have I simply been running into new and improved challenges these past few weeks??

Infections

I found out yesterday, that emails that I had been sending to friends had been ending up in their "infected" box. I do regular scans on my computer but with all that I had been fiddling around with, between this blog and downloading programs to create a slideshow on my blog; edit my videos and other kinds of stuff, I wondered if I was somehow unknowingly infected. I checked and rechecked into it last night and went to bed with a heavy heart.

I woke up this morning with the 'infection' theme still resonating in my mind. It was then, that I found a truer meaning to this heaviness in my heart.

Infections ... whether they are computer related, airborn germs or attitudes.

Attitudes. Hmmm. Words. I have been putting myself and my thoughts out for 'the world' to read lately. And whether it is 'the world' or simply one or two people that may read this ... my words have the ability to 'infect'. And as with my computer infection scare, there is a possibility that I may unknowingly spreading an 'infection'. I read, reread, edit and reedit these words that I post ... but there is always the possibility that they could be misinterpreted.

I am so grateful for all of the friends that called to let me know about this computer infection message ... and I would also ask that if anyone reads something here that feels ''infected'', please let me know as well. I will do my best not to offend and if I do, I will do my best to resolve it.

Infections happen ... but they can be treated.