Quiet Desperation

I sit here and clutch onto my hot cup of coffee as I desperately hold onto the last moments I am free to call my own today.

I wrote that paragraph and erased the paragraphs to follow. I checked job postings. I took a few typing tests. I peeked my head out into the world beyond the world I have created here at home and feel like a turtle.

I've tucked my head and limbs back into the safety of what I know.

I've worked on my own for 3-1/2 years now. I ran my daycare for 14 years. In a faraway land of long ago, I remember telling myself I was the best boss I ever had. 

I have high expectations of myself. When I stop meeting those expectations, I want to be done. 

I'm there.

But I don't know where to go next.

The saddest part of all, is I do believe I know where I would go if I had no one else to consider ...

I see it.

I just have to get there.

Home.

P.S. I must make a trip to update this photo - a lot has changed since this was taken.