The Goldilocks Zone

The party is over and now is time to deal with the excess.

Step one of dealing with the excess food was pretty easy. I issued supper invitations which were clearly labelled "left-overs" so no one came expecting more than was offered. That part was actually quite fun.

Excess exhaustion? That was pretty easy to deal with as well. I parked myself on the lawn swing with a few magazines and a Smirnoff Ice. In no time at all, I was 100% relaxed. The next thing I knew, I was waking up. Part Two was falling into a deep, deep slumber the moment my head hit the pillow last night. It was a sleep-through-a-ringing-phone kind of tired.

Excessive cat hair which amassed while house cleaning got put to the bottom of the list was dealt with before I sat down last night. "You don't want to deal with this in the morning" was my sage advise to myself. I was right.

Excessive spending spiralled out of control when an unexpected car repair got tossed into the mix. My head is spinning with the dollars that have been amassing on my credit card(s). Houston, I think we have a problem.

Excessive thinking? I think my brain finally turned off last night. It felt good to have a thoughtless slumber.

Excessive after-hours-chores? That is a little something I need to incorporate into my daily living. Within reason. I have accomplished a lot around here since our house painters finished their work two weeks ago. There is no reason I can't keep the momentum going. None.

Too much of any one thing is not good. Moderate amounts of all of the above is fine. Groceries, spending, housecleaning, work, worry and leisure. It is all about finding the balance where everything feels in alignment. The Goldilocks Zone. 

No Where to Go, No Where to Be

Today is the third day of the long weekend. 

Day #1 was a very social day. It was perfect in every way but by the time I arrived home at 11:30 p.m., I was over-the-moon happy to know the next day was free and clear of all duties and obligations.

Day #2 started out as a cat day. I followed wherever the day led and by the end of it all, I had done three loads of laundry, mowed the lawn, colored my hair, read a short book and barbequed our supper. I did all of this by the time I left for my out-of-the-house commitment I had the prior day.

Today is Day #3. Nothing but vacuuming is on today's agenda. It is a day that can unfold in whatever way happens. 

I had truly hoped to accomplish something of note during these three days off but the truth of the matter is that a three day weekend is pretty close to my norm. The only difference is that I get to stay home all day today. I have no where I must go this afternoon. No one is expecting me.

Maybe I'll go for a walk ...

Filling Up

I am sitting back and enjoying the view from a different spot on our couch today. 

I am having a "cat day".

I am nourishing my mind with Abby Wambach:

Snapshot of some words worth pondering in the book Wolfpack - by Abby Wamback

I am nourishing my body with a toasted ham/cheese/tomato sandwich.

I have tended to a few loads of laundry, dusted some cat hair off the floor and am anticipating an afternoon spent following whatever may unfold.

I have felt empty and exhausted lately. I can feel my energy reserves replenishing as I fill myself up this most anticipated Sunday with myself.

Crash Landings

When I fall off of my cloud, sometimes it's easier than others.

There are times when I don't even know the cloud is gone. The 'big event' has come and gone and I'm still walking on air. It's akin to the cartoon characters that have walked off of a cliff but haven't realized it yet, so they are still walking on a horizontal path.

There are other times when I waft slowly down to earth, appreciating the view along the way. It's a fun way to come off of a cloud.

Other times, it's a little more like I was on a cloud in the mountains. The cloud never lifted off the earth's surface, but I was still higher than sea level. I recall my brother's mountain scrambling tales about coming down the mountain being more treacherous than the climb up. As is the case in coming off of my cloud in the mountains. Not always a straight and narrow path but the mountains I've descended have been of the 'bunny hill' version.

I have fallen off of my cloud and landed on my head. That hurts. The concussion, the rehabilitation and weaning back to the real world process is a little more labor intensive. But I survive. I always survive.

This time, it was as if my cloud was hit with a lightening bolt. I was hit at approximately 3:47 a.m. yesterday. The previous day flashed before my eyes. My heart was racing. My reactions to events of the day prior, were over the top. I was 'light sensitive' for the remainder of the day.

I talked to one sister ... I emailed the other. My mom called and we were on two different plateaus of communication and I offended her. I talked to my Second Son and (at first), he suggested that I call a friend and go to see an uplifting movie. We talked some more. He then suggested that I stay home and keep my contact with the rest of the human race to a minimum. At the day's end, there was not one person in the world that I felt like talking to. I knew I had to navigate my through this on my own.

So I did what I do best. I went to bed and slept it off.

I woke up this morning and my world is back in perspective. I have work to do, goals to attain and my own little (bunny hill) mountains to scale.

And now ... I have to find something else to pin my hopes on. 'Hope' died for a moment yesterday. But I believe in reincarnation and will keep looking for new hope.

I'm a bit of a dreamer. It's fun while it lasts, but I know that I must always return to earth. Next time, I'm going to pack a parachute.

Recovery

Every single time I bailed out of a relationship, I felt it was to save myself. I felt void of everything that I thought I liked about myself. Each rebuilding process after the demise of a relationship felt like I was starting from scratch. Each break up taught me something that I needed to learn.

The last process of recovery has been my best one yet. I have developed an inner belief that any one or anything that detracts from this inner serenity and happiness, is some one or something that I don't want/need regular exposure to.

It is still a learning experience to expose myself to all personality types and appreciate what I can from their vantage point. But ... not at the expense of either party eroding the essence of the other person.

I will not allow some one to take away what I have built inside of myself. I have an internal barometer that measures the 'happy factor' within me, after an encounter with some one.

They can have their views and ways of dealing (or not dealing) with their life experiences. But I will not and can not embrace and encourage a friendship with some one who drains me of 'all that is good'.

If a personal encounter doesn't leave me feeling uplifted, reflective and encouraged ... I don't pursue it.

And that's all I have to say about that.