The weekend is past news. Today is Monday. There is no way to go but forward. Despite the fact I wish the weekend could go on forever, "forward" is a good thing.
I adore weekends. I tentatively map out my hope for what may transpire but for the most part, I simply sit back and let them happen.
Saturday was a quiet day at home. I don't believe I had to speak (much). It was a quiet, reflective day of reading. No, I didn't manage to make it into "Mom's room" to start sorting through the memorabilia that lies within the huge, blue Rubbermaid storage container. Oh well. I read. And it was good.
Sunday was a social day. Mostly at home but I pried myself out of the house to go to a new(er) restaurant near our neighborhood and it was worth the trip. I'll be back!
I had words in me by Sunday. I had energy within. I was felt "full" of everything I needed to make the most of the company I kept.
Books. Popcorn. A small dose of chocolate. Quiet. People. No pressure. No guilt. Not a whole heck of a lot was accomplished. But still ... no guilt.
It was the perfect combination of everything I enjoy. I filled myself up with what I needed most. I took advantage of whatever opportunities arose. Unexpected company was the best gift of all.
The most unexpected gift of the weekend? A pillow. Delivered right to my door. Tried, true and recommended. I have only slept on it one night but I do believe Cinderella has found her one true love - a pillow that conforms to support her neck while remaining soft enough to sleep on.
Thank you, Pillow Gods!! A perfect weekend which I dreamt of as I laid my weary head upon my heavenly pillow.
Life is good.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Monday, November 4, 2019
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
You Won't Get This Time Back
My eyes popped open and I saw the time. Rather than play the game of "How long can I stay in bed and still get out the door in time?", the words "You won't get this half hour back!" spoke to me. I hopped out of bed and was grateful I hadn't frittered away that precious time.
The very next day, I couldn't sit still without falling asleep because I had been playing the game of "You won't get this half hour back!" for a bit too long and exhaustion ruled the day.
What is most important? The rest one gains by sleeping in? The extra solitude that half hour provides? What one can accomplish with that extra time? Or is sleeping simply a coping mechanism?
I have had far too many days when I didn't want to wake up to another day. The days that are challenging to walk through are days I'd rather stay in bed.
So many of my days were just like after "The Year of Mom". After Mom died and all that was pertaining to wrapping up her life, her home and estate was done, I wandered aimlessly through my days for a very (very) long time.
The first year was tough. Something clicked within that second year without Mom. Life had moved on without her. My thoughts weren't consumed with her. I felt lighter.
Even after the heaviness of the prior year started to lighten, I wasn't back to my old self. Living for the weekends became my goal. What did I do with my weekends? As little as humanly possible. "This isn't living" were the words that haunted my thoughts. These were some of the very last words Mom spoke ...
It has taken far longer than I would have predicted but I think I'm back. Back to where, I'm not certain. But I'm back to a better place.
Home renovations have been a game changer. It changed my focal point and forced me to get things done. Even though other people did 99% of the work around here, I still had to clear out spaces, clean up the work-in-progress and reorganize those spaces when the job was done. Then came that feeling of "Ahhh ... let's just sit back and appreciate at all that has been done."
Mom's home was her castle. She put a lot of her energy into putting her visions into reality. The projects became smaller as the years went on but as long as she had dreams, she had life.
One time in particular, we were concerned about Mom living on her own after a health scare. She didn't even waste her time and energy fighting us. She simply said she had some leftover paint, she was pretty sure it would be enough to paint the bathroom and she asked (suggested?) that my sister could do that for her. "She's not moving." We knew.
One of her last renovations was one she had thought about for a long time. Turning the divider in the living room into a bookcase. Mom loved her books. She had an insatiable quest for knowledge and constantly challenged her memory by reciting poems, songs and quotes from her childhood readers. She found several of those readers over the course of time. The last time I spent with her, those readers were her reading material of choice.
Mom's bookcase was one of her last and most appreciated renovations. Well, that and her sun room of course. I will forever think of Mom with a book at her side, enjoying her sun room ...
When it came time to sort through and divide Mom's belongings, she had written a list of the rooms in her home, with one of our names beside each room. The sun room had my name on it. I also ended up with her library. When I started thinking renovation thoughts, the driving force behind it all was to turn "Mom's Room" (the room she slept in when she came here) into a "Sunny Room". A room filled with natural light, which would house and display her books. My dream has yet to come to fruition.
Of all the renovating that has been done, Mom's library has been left to the last. Her books are stored in the laundry room, waiting for their new home. The room designated as "Mom's Room" has lost its identity. We call it a den. I keep the door closed so the cats don't wreck Mom's love seat and shed all over it.
I sat in Mom's room on the weekend. I was in a state of exhaustion and my thoughts were too scattered to appreciate the view. I want to create an oasis within our home in a manner that fills me the way Mom's sun room and library fulfilled and energized her. For Mom, it was books and reading. For me, it is writing. I believe the key to good writing is to fill yourself up with knowledge, different perspective and new ideas. Mom's books are a source "all of the above".
The tides are turning. I have been hopping out of bed with the words "You won't get this time back" whispering through my subconsciousness. I know I must do more than I have been doing. Living a life with purpose is key to living a good life.
It has been a purposeful time around here lately. With great purpose came great spending. I feel my primary purpose for the short term is to repay the debt I have accumulated this past month. According to my calculations, if all goes as planned (and it won't), I should be in the clear by May, 2020.
No matter where things go from here, living by the simple credo "You won't get this time back" must guide me to where I need to go. Yes, some of that time must be spent in a restorative and restful manner. What I have noticed lately is the energy I do have on hand after my most primal need for rest, solitude and restoration have been satiated. There is life after 7:00 p.m.
It is time to move on and through and into whatever comes next. I just hope whatever is next doesn't have a price tag attached. I'm just a little overextended. Perhaps that is why I prefer to just stay in bed. It's a pretty cheap hobby.
The very next day, I couldn't sit still without falling asleep because I had been playing the game of "You won't get this half hour back!" for a bit too long and exhaustion ruled the day.
What is most important? The rest one gains by sleeping in? The extra solitude that half hour provides? What one can accomplish with that extra time? Or is sleeping simply a coping mechanism?
I have had far too many days when I didn't want to wake up to another day. The days that are challenging to walk through are days I'd rather stay in bed.
So many of my days were just like after "The Year of Mom". After Mom died and all that was pertaining to wrapping up her life, her home and estate was done, I wandered aimlessly through my days for a very (very) long time.
The first year was tough. Something clicked within that second year without Mom. Life had moved on without her. My thoughts weren't consumed with her. I felt lighter.
Even after the heaviness of the prior year started to lighten, I wasn't back to my old self. Living for the weekends became my goal. What did I do with my weekends? As little as humanly possible. "This isn't living" were the words that haunted my thoughts. These were some of the very last words Mom spoke ...
It has taken far longer than I would have predicted but I think I'm back. Back to where, I'm not certain. But I'm back to a better place.
Home renovations have been a game changer. It changed my focal point and forced me to get things done. Even though other people did 99% of the work around here, I still had to clear out spaces, clean up the work-in-progress and reorganize those spaces when the job was done. Then came that feeling of "Ahhh ... let's just sit back and appreciate at all that has been done."
Mom's home was her castle. She put a lot of her energy into putting her visions into reality. The projects became smaller as the years went on but as long as she had dreams, she had life.
One time in particular, we were concerned about Mom living on her own after a health scare. She didn't even waste her time and energy fighting us. She simply said she had some leftover paint, she was pretty sure it would be enough to paint the bathroom and she asked (suggested?) that my sister could do that for her. "She's not moving." We knew.
One of her last renovations was one she had thought about for a long time. Turning the divider in the living room into a bookcase. Mom loved her books. She had an insatiable quest for knowledge and constantly challenged her memory by reciting poems, songs and quotes from her childhood readers. She found several of those readers over the course of time. The last time I spent with her, those readers were her reading material of choice.
Mom's bookcase was one of her last and most appreciated renovations. Well, that and her sun room of course. I will forever think of Mom with a book at her side, enjoying her sun room ...
When it came time to sort through and divide Mom's belongings, she had written a list of the rooms in her home, with one of our names beside each room. The sun room had my name on it. I also ended up with her library. When I started thinking renovation thoughts, the driving force behind it all was to turn "Mom's Room" (the room she slept in when she came here) into a "Sunny Room". A room filled with natural light, which would house and display her books. My dream has yet to come to fruition.
Of all the renovating that has been done, Mom's library has been left to the last. Her books are stored in the laundry room, waiting for their new home. The room designated as "Mom's Room" has lost its identity. We call it a den. I keep the door closed so the cats don't wreck Mom's love seat and shed all over it.
I sat in Mom's room on the weekend. I was in a state of exhaustion and my thoughts were too scattered to appreciate the view. I want to create an oasis within our home in a manner that fills me the way Mom's sun room and library fulfilled and energized her. For Mom, it was books and reading. For me, it is writing. I believe the key to good writing is to fill yourself up with knowledge, different perspective and new ideas. Mom's books are a source "all of the above".
The tides are turning. I have been hopping out of bed with the words "You won't get this time back" whispering through my subconsciousness. I know I must do more than I have been doing. Living a life with purpose is key to living a good life.
It has been a purposeful time around here lately. With great purpose came great spending. I feel my primary purpose for the short term is to repay the debt I have accumulated this past month. According to my calculations, if all goes as planned (and it won't), I should be in the clear by May, 2020.
No matter where things go from here, living by the simple credo "You won't get this time back" must guide me to where I need to go. Yes, some of that time must be spent in a restorative and restful manner. What I have noticed lately is the energy I do have on hand after my most primal need for rest, solitude and restoration have been satiated. There is life after 7:00 p.m.
It is time to move on and through and into whatever comes next. I just hope whatever is next doesn't have a price tag attached. I'm just a little overextended. Perhaps that is why I prefer to just stay in bed. It's a pretty cheap hobby.
Thursday, July 18, 2019
The Need For Sleep
If I want to get up early (and I DO!), I must sacrifice my evenings (no problem!!) and go to bed early. Early to bed, early to rise should work but why is it that I never seem to have enough time in the morning?
This week, I have been up with the birds. Yet not one of my mornings have been long enough to do all I hope to do before I must leave the house.
I fall down into Internet rabbit holes and get lost. This morning's trek was fun and interesting. I can't go forward until a few vital pieces fall into place but if they do ... I have some planning to do!
I love when a suggestion aligns with life-as-I-know-it. When dates, locations, events and timing all correlates into an easy "yes", I am all in.
This little adventure involves revising my holidays. Holidays which I planned to revolve around sitting still and gazing at our newly painted and renovated home. I was very much looking forward to it.
Fast forward a few months and there are several occasions which all align in a perfect row. A fun and inspirational weekend with a friend followed by a family oriented birthday occasion and ending with an appointment which requires a day off equals a perfectly balanced week (eleven days to be exact).
I live in a world where a lot of my wishes (requests) are granted, so this may happen. Did I have my mind set on a week off in the summer? Yes. I booked off some days I thought would work for those who employ me and I was simply looking forward to following wherever those days may lead.
Here is to hoping a few wishes come true today so I can move forward with the next stage of planning.
There went this morning.
A morning where I hoped to squeeze in a few tasks for my day job before I left the house and formally started my day. Maybe I can squeeze in one little task if I stop writing right now.
I now see why people stay up late. You can extend a day so much easier than squeeze in a bunch of things before a work day begins. I work better under pressure. I am a morning person. I love my sleep.
I shall keep my early mornings. I believe my physical and mental health rely on it. Sleeping is my #1 way of taking care of "me".
I am grateful sleep comes easy for me. I know this is not the case for many. What is your #1 way of taking care of yourself? Are you filling yourself up with what YOU need?
On a plane, they remind you to grab your oxygen mask before helping your child. You can't save anyone else if you are not breathing.
Grab your oxygen mask in whatever form it is for you. It is not only for you but it is for those who matter to you. Be kind to yourself today.
This week, I have been up with the birds. Yet not one of my mornings have been long enough to do all I hope to do before I must leave the house.
I fall down into Internet rabbit holes and get lost. This morning's trek was fun and interesting. I can't go forward until a few vital pieces fall into place but if they do ... I have some planning to do!
I love when a suggestion aligns with life-as-I-know-it. When dates, locations, events and timing all correlates into an easy "yes", I am all in.
This little adventure involves revising my holidays. Holidays which I planned to revolve around sitting still and gazing at our newly painted and renovated home. I was very much looking forward to it.
Fast forward a few months and there are several occasions which all align in a perfect row. A fun and inspirational weekend with a friend followed by a family oriented birthday occasion and ending with an appointment which requires a day off equals a perfectly balanced week (eleven days to be exact).
I live in a world where a lot of my wishes (requests) are granted, so this may happen. Did I have my mind set on a week off in the summer? Yes. I booked off some days I thought would work for those who employ me and I was simply looking forward to following wherever those days may lead.
Here is to hoping a few wishes come true today so I can move forward with the next stage of planning.
There went this morning.
A morning where I hoped to squeeze in a few tasks for my day job before I left the house and formally started my day. Maybe I can squeeze in one little task if I stop writing right now.
I now see why people stay up late. You can extend a day so much easier than squeeze in a bunch of things before a work day begins. I work better under pressure. I am a morning person. I love my sleep.
I shall keep my early mornings. I believe my physical and mental health rely on it. Sleeping is my #1 way of taking care of "me".
I am grateful sleep comes easy for me. I know this is not the case for many. What is your #1 way of taking care of yourself? Are you filling yourself up with what YOU need?
On a plane, they remind you to grab your oxygen mask before helping your child. You can't save anyone else if you are not breathing.
Grab your oxygen mask in whatever form it is for you. It is not only for you but it is for those who matter to you. Be kind to yourself today.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Cats on Patrol
What you think about, you bring about. I'm sure that applies to writing as well. So I won't write about what I'm thinking about because I don't want to bring any more of that about.
So that leaves our cats. Our crazy, wonderful, amusing and annoying cats.
Both of our cats have taken to playing with the blinds in my bedroom in the middle of the night. Jet started before I went to bed so I kicked him out of my room and shut the door, leaving Ray sleeping soundly on my bed. Moments later, I heard the quiet scratch, scratch, scratch at my door. Jet didn't want back in. Ray wanted out.
I shut the door on our cats and dreamed of the peaceful night's sleep I would have, with no one trying to convince me to open up my blinds so they can jump onto the window ledge and gaze at the night sky.
I was wrong. Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard some scratching at the door. It sounded rather insistent so I thought I'd open the door and two tired cats would come in and fall into a dead sleep. I was wrong again.
I didn't happen to open the door wide enough, so someone pushed it wide open so I could hear the two of them ripping around the house at full speed, while skidding out on the laminate to make the most of the acoustics.
It took one more round of batting at my blinds but eventually I woke up to find the two of them snoozing soundly on their side of the bed. Peace at last. But now I was awake.
I finally had to resort to turning on the TV to lull me back to sleep. The cats woke me up intermittently all night and I had no trouble falling back to sleep. Yet the moment I woke to find them sleeping beside me, I was wide awake.
It is exactly how I feel at nap time. If I EVER manage to have every child in the house asleep at the same time (my three year old who doesn't nap any more has been the death of my sanity), I come to life and don't want to miss a moment of the peace while everyone is sleeping.
My night was a rerun of my day. Cats who don't listen to me, cats who would be bored silly without each other's company, one cat who picks and bugs and always wants to be doing what he is not allowed to do and one cat who seems perpetually awake on patrol.
It's no wonder I woke up to enjoy the only peaceful hour of the night.
 |
| Jet, who even makes "sleep" an adventure |
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| Ray in his favorite sleeping spot. Is he tired or bored? |
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Working Back Into the Habit of Writing
I thought I had turned over a whole new leaf when I woke up at 5:00 a.m. Monday morning, with nothing on my agenda but to sit still with my thoughts and write. It was so easy, so natural, so peaceful and I accomplished so much with my morning when I put writing first. Then the day happened.
When quiet time arrived, I was exhausted. I have a three year old who is not napping any more [I honestly believe this was the "beginning of the end" for me - missing that two hour window of complete and total solitude each and every day wore me down faster than my worst day]. I have been fighting with her to simply relax and be still while the others sleep. It has been a battle. She was watching movies and just winding up into her fidgeting stage (she literally kicks and vibrates to keep herself awake) when I thought I could wage this war better lying down. I simply draped my arm over her while we snuggled up and watched movies together. It was the best of both worlds. She relaxed and I napped, knowing exactly where she was and what she was doing.
Man! I was tired. All that was on my agenda after my daycare day was to run out and get groceries. My youngest and I have honed a wonderful co-operative system to take care of that little chore. I buy the groceries, come home and drop them off. Then she puts everything away while I run out and pick up supper. I love it!
As soon as I stopped chewing, I started sleeping. Exhaustion won out over every other need. Early to bed means early to start waking up. I honestly don't mind waking up in the middle of the night. I have this delightful habit which pleases me. I turn on the TV and decide "this" is the perfect time to watch the programs I missed while I was sleeping earlier in the evening. The minute I lose myself to the mindless television chatter, I am fast asleep. On really restless nights, I "rinse and repeat" all night long. Then when my alarm goes off at 5:00, I am beat. Again.
I've got a back up plan for those restless nights when I don't bother setting the sleep timer on the TV. Our TV also comes with a feature which will turn the TV on or off at a specified time. I've set mine to turn off at 4:00 a.m. so I don't wake up with the TV on (which is a recipe for disaster because Brian Baeumler owns the TV space during the time I'm trying to pry myself off the bed and I thoroughly enjoy falling asleep to his banter). Only the TV didn't turn off at 4:00 for some reason (usually because I've turned it back on after 4 a.m.) and I couldn't get out of bed. Again.
Last night, I refused to allow myself to turn on the TV. My stress levels are a little lighter now that I have handed in my four month notice that I am winding down my daycare. I forced myself to relax, allowed my brain to wander and the next thing I knew, I was waking up again. I went through this process a few times and the next thing I knew, it was 4:45 a.m. and I felt rested. Success.
The downfall to my plan is that I didn't have the computer set up in my room last night. While I went upstairs to retrieve it [writing in the kitchen is an invitation for our "Jet" cat to do every single thing he knows he is not allowed to do, therefore I don't have more than 45 consecutive seconds to think a thought, let alone write it down. Honestly! That cat is worse than my most disobedient child. My child and pet rearing skills have really taken a dive these past few years], I decided to make a cup of coffee then I started going through the paces I go through every morning to get ready for the day. By the time I got back downstairs again, the cats were underfoot and Jet was already trying to pry open the locked back door with his bare claws.
The long and short of it is, any quiet thoughts I may have thought I had to write about were lost in the process of disrupting the peace and stirring up the cats (I just heard someone jump off the kitchen counter).
I've forgotten how to write, how to take a mundane little thought and turn it into something that has some perspective. I may need to purge here for a while before anything of worth spills out of my fingertips. I have been lost for a while. Negativity has taken over my thought processes and I'm working on rewiring my brain.
I have been stuck in a loop of trying to make an unworkable situation work for me and it has depleted my resources. I am glad I have given myself four months to work out the kinks in my plan moving forward. I have four months to reroute my thoughts, four months to sort through and deal with the excess within our world, four months to figure figure out "what happens next" and four months to segue from one lifestyle into another. When I quit my daycare the last time and went back to school, I described it as a giant leap of faith. I soared with the eagles for a little while before I broke a wing. It's taken a while to heal but I'm ready to fly again. I'm just not leaping off any tall buildings this time around.
When quiet time arrived, I was exhausted. I have a three year old who is not napping any more [I honestly believe this was the "beginning of the end" for me - missing that two hour window of complete and total solitude each and every day wore me down faster than my worst day]. I have been fighting with her to simply relax and be still while the others sleep. It has been a battle. She was watching movies and just winding up into her fidgeting stage (she literally kicks and vibrates to keep herself awake) when I thought I could wage this war better lying down. I simply draped my arm over her while we snuggled up and watched movies together. It was the best of both worlds. She relaxed and I napped, knowing exactly where she was and what she was doing.
Man! I was tired. All that was on my agenda after my daycare day was to run out and get groceries. My youngest and I have honed a wonderful co-operative system to take care of that little chore. I buy the groceries, come home and drop them off. Then she puts everything away while I run out and pick up supper. I love it!
As soon as I stopped chewing, I started sleeping. Exhaustion won out over every other need. Early to bed means early to start waking up. I honestly don't mind waking up in the middle of the night. I have this delightful habit which pleases me. I turn on the TV and decide "this" is the perfect time to watch the programs I missed while I was sleeping earlier in the evening. The minute I lose myself to the mindless television chatter, I am fast asleep. On really restless nights, I "rinse and repeat" all night long. Then when my alarm goes off at 5:00, I am beat. Again.
I've got a back up plan for those restless nights when I don't bother setting the sleep timer on the TV. Our TV also comes with a feature which will turn the TV on or off at a specified time. I've set mine to turn off at 4:00 a.m. so I don't wake up with the TV on (which is a recipe for disaster because Brian Baeumler owns the TV space during the time I'm trying to pry myself off the bed and I thoroughly enjoy falling asleep to his banter). Only the TV didn't turn off at 4:00 for some reason (usually because I've turned it back on after 4 a.m.) and I couldn't get out of bed. Again.
Last night, I refused to allow myself to turn on the TV. My stress levels are a little lighter now that I have handed in my four month notice that I am winding down my daycare. I forced myself to relax, allowed my brain to wander and the next thing I knew, I was waking up again. I went through this process a few times and the next thing I knew, it was 4:45 a.m. and I felt rested. Success.
The downfall to my plan is that I didn't have the computer set up in my room last night. While I went upstairs to retrieve it [writing in the kitchen is an invitation for our "Jet" cat to do every single thing he knows he is not allowed to do, therefore I don't have more than 45 consecutive seconds to think a thought, let alone write it down. Honestly! That cat is worse than my most disobedient child. My child and pet rearing skills have really taken a dive these past few years], I decided to make a cup of coffee then I started going through the paces I go through every morning to get ready for the day. By the time I got back downstairs again, the cats were underfoot and Jet was already trying to pry open the locked back door with his bare claws.
The long and short of it is, any quiet thoughts I may have thought I had to write about were lost in the process of disrupting the peace and stirring up the cats (I just heard someone jump off the kitchen counter).
I've forgotten how to write, how to take a mundane little thought and turn it into something that has some perspective. I may need to purge here for a while before anything of worth spills out of my fingertips. I have been lost for a while. Negativity has taken over my thought processes and I'm working on rewiring my brain.
I have been stuck in a loop of trying to make an unworkable situation work for me and it has depleted my resources. I am glad I have given myself four months to work out the kinks in my plan moving forward. I have four months to reroute my thoughts, four months to sort through and deal with the excess within our world, four months to figure figure out "what happens next" and four months to segue from one lifestyle into another. When I quit my daycare the last time and went back to school, I described it as a giant leap of faith. I soared with the eagles for a little while before I broke a wing. It's taken a while to heal but I'm ready to fly again. I'm just not leaping off any tall buildings this time around.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
The Attitude of Gratitude
My fixation on gratitude seems to have brought about a sensitivity to finding "gratitude quotes" and inspirational thoughts at every turn. It's funny how when you focus on all that you have, you notice less of what is missing. And in the process, I seem to have found "my happy" right along with it.
I wrote a little blog about it at MyKawartha.com today. Please join me there.
http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6392784-the-attitude-of-gratitude/
I wrote a little blog about it at MyKawartha.com today. Please join me there.
http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6392784-the-attitude-of-gratitude/
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Things That Really Don't Matter
Lately, my early morning thoughts have been pretty lame. I used to jump out of bed with the seed of a thought in my head and by the time I worked my way through my morning routines, this little thought had time to marinade. I had lots of time to sit still and play with my words until they sounded a little more cohesive than a Facebook status update.
These days, sleep wins over all else. I have discovered the latest possible moment I can lay in bed ruminating about the day ahead of me. Then I have to jump into action and I'm lucky if I've had time to pour my second cup of coffee before my daycare day begins.
Last night and early this morning, the only thoughts I seemed to have were, "Whew! I'm too hot." "Brrr ... I'm too cold" and "Ahhh, I'm juuuuust right!"
If I didn't know better, I would think these little heat surges which have become my new norm were part of a fever or "overdoing". But I overdo very little these days. The muscle which gets the biggest workout in this body of mine, is my brain. And I have been know to break a sweat, just by thinking. So like I said, if I hadn't heard the phrase "hot flashes", I would think this was just me. And that I must be thinking too hard.
The interesting part about this very boring post is that I wake up before the surge. I wake up and lie there for a moment. I change my sleeping position and turn on the TV if my brain kicks into full gear. Then it hits. Whoosh! It is like there must be an early warning system as this power surge engages because I never wake up hot. That comes later.[That is, unless it is related to my brain engaging. See! I told you I broke a sweat when I think too hard!]
Add to this already tedious and quite boring post, the fact that I somehow set the automatic thermostat to be particularly chilly on Wednesday nights plus the fact that winter has just arrived in our parts and I have the "freezing factor" all figured out. Maybe I should crack open that little manual and figure out how to change that. One day. Probably some other day.
I finally enjoyed an almost commitment free night last night, so by 7:30 I was home, the house alarm was set, I was in my pajamas and settled into my lovely new "suite" which others may call a bedroom before 8:00. It was a glorious feeling. Except I couldn't stay awake long enough to enjoy it.
By 8:30, I was ready to call it a day. Funny how those days where you do very little are the most tiring. By doing very little, my body wasn't worn out enough to sleep through the heat and chill factors throughout the night.
My goal each and every day is to be settled in for the night and in my pj's as early as possible. My definition of a good day, is being in my pajamas by 6:00. Is it really any wonder why I toss and turn at night?
And does any of this really matter?!! These are the thoughts I woke up with this morning. I may as well have stayed in bed. Or else not bothered writing at all.
These days, sleep wins over all else. I have discovered the latest possible moment I can lay in bed ruminating about the day ahead of me. Then I have to jump into action and I'm lucky if I've had time to pour my second cup of coffee before my daycare day begins.
Last night and early this morning, the only thoughts I seemed to have were, "Whew! I'm too hot." "Brrr ... I'm too cold" and "Ahhh, I'm juuuuust right!"
If I didn't know better, I would think these little heat surges which have become my new norm were part of a fever or "overdoing". But I overdo very little these days. The muscle which gets the biggest workout in this body of mine, is my brain. And I have been know to break a sweat, just by thinking. So like I said, if I hadn't heard the phrase "hot flashes", I would think this was just me. And that I must be thinking too hard.
The interesting part about this very boring post is that I wake up before the surge. I wake up and lie there for a moment. I change my sleeping position and turn on the TV if my brain kicks into full gear. Then it hits. Whoosh! It is like there must be an early warning system as this power surge engages because I never wake up hot. That comes later.[That is, unless it is related to my brain engaging. See! I told you I broke a sweat when I think too hard!]
Add to this already tedious and quite boring post, the fact that I somehow set the automatic thermostat to be particularly chilly on Wednesday nights plus the fact that winter has just arrived in our parts and I have the "freezing factor" all figured out. Maybe I should crack open that little manual and figure out how to change that. One day. Probably some other day.
I finally enjoyed an almost commitment free night last night, so by 7:30 I was home, the house alarm was set, I was in my pajamas and settled into my lovely new "suite" which others may call a bedroom before 8:00. It was a glorious feeling. Except I couldn't stay awake long enough to enjoy it.
By 8:30, I was ready to call it a day. Funny how those days where you do very little are the most tiring. By doing very little, my body wasn't worn out enough to sleep through the heat and chill factors throughout the night.
My goal each and every day is to be settled in for the night and in my pj's as early as possible. My definition of a good day, is being in my pajamas by 6:00. Is it really any wonder why I toss and turn at night?
And does any of this really matter?!! These are the thoughts I woke up with this morning. I may as well have stayed in bed. Or else not bothered writing at all.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Sleeping on It (and waking up rested)
The past two mornings, I have woken up to a brand new experience. I have no memory in between the time I closed my eyes until the alarm went off. And (and this is big!) I am in exactly the same position as when I fell asleep.
This whole snow-shovelling thing has wreaked a small amount of havoc on me. Not sore muscles (as one would assume for someone who has become as complacent as I have, when it comes to extra-curricular exercise), but more of a neck/shoulder strain and sore thumbs (it seems crazy to me, to have sore thumbs as a symptom from shovelling?!!).
The first two nights, after our winter descended upon us and my snow-shovelling-muscles got their first work out, I took some Robaxacet before I went to bed. Perhaps it is no surprise that I slept like a log those nights.
A medically induced state of slumber is not what I'm aiming for so I decided to start rearranging my pillows once again, to recreate the experience I had when I woke up from hernia surgery in the hospital. It was like a little piece of heaven. I woke up and my body was cradled and supported perfectly and I was completely comfortable (probably sedated and pumped up on a pain killer or two as well but I didn't think of that at the time).
The past two nights, I have managed to effectively recreate that 'cradled and supported' position before I fall asleep.
A neck support pillow cradles and supports my neck; a small wheat bag is tucked under the small of my back; and my body pillow (now flattened like a pancake from overuse) is folded in half and tucked under my knees.
My last memory the past two nights are of complete and utter comfort. My first memory of the past two mornings are realizing that I have not tossed, turned, woken up or stirred once throughout the night.
Amazing! This is better than Robaxacet (and ever so much easier on the body and cheaper!).
It is even more amazing how well I slept, considering what I did last night.
After supper and before I went to bed, I booked a weekend trip to Vegas (with my sister) to go to see Dancing With the Stars in February.
We booked our flights, our hotel and bought our tickets for the event. Signed, sealed and delivered! It is amazing how easy it is to spend money without taking a step away from the computer. Perhaps a little too easy.
Or not ...
I was sending my brother an email right before I went to bed and as I was confirming the date and time of our arrival back home, I realized we were due to come home on the wrong day. YIKES!
I immediately went into hyper-correct-mode and thought I had to do something on the spot. Yes! There was a 24 hour number to call. Whew!!
Then I realized the wisdom of sleeping on it. There was no need to make a rash decision that late in the evening. We have a 24 hour window to adjust our reservation at no charge. Stop. Think. Confirm with my sister. Breathe. Sleep. Fix it in the morning.
I went to bed with this on my mind. Surprisingly, my heart rate was normal and I wasn't overly concerned. We have 24 hours. Better to sleep on it and come at it in a brand new day. Yes. This was the rational way to think.
It turns out either: A) I do 'rational thinking' better now or B) I have a severe sleeping disorder because C) I slept like a log last night!
I woke up with a calm, clear frame of mind. No need to panic.
When they say it is better to sleep on it, they are right. It is a brand new day and I am so relieved I didn't make any hasty choices last night.
Well, that is, if booking a weekend trip to Vegas and spending half of what my friend is paying for a week-long-cruise is not considered hasty.
My rule is: If it still feels like a good idea in the morning, it is the right choice.
The way I slept last night + the way I feel this morning = A good idea (I didn't say smart. I just said good).
And that is the way last night rolled for me. How was your night??
This whole snow-shovelling thing has wreaked a small amount of havoc on me. Not sore muscles (as one would assume for someone who has become as complacent as I have, when it comes to extra-curricular exercise), but more of a neck/shoulder strain and sore thumbs (it seems crazy to me, to have sore thumbs as a symptom from shovelling?!!).
The first two nights, after our winter descended upon us and my snow-shovelling-muscles got their first work out, I took some Robaxacet before I went to bed. Perhaps it is no surprise that I slept like a log those nights.
A medically induced state of slumber is not what I'm aiming for so I decided to start rearranging my pillows once again, to recreate the experience I had when I woke up from hernia surgery in the hospital. It was like a little piece of heaven. I woke up and my body was cradled and supported perfectly and I was completely comfortable (probably sedated and pumped up on a pain killer or two as well but I didn't think of that at the time).
The past two nights, I have managed to effectively recreate that 'cradled and supported' position before I fall asleep.
A neck support pillow cradles and supports my neck; a small wheat bag is tucked under the small of my back; and my body pillow (now flattened like a pancake from overuse) is folded in half and tucked under my knees.
My last memory the past two nights are of complete and utter comfort. My first memory of the past two mornings are realizing that I have not tossed, turned, woken up or stirred once throughout the night.
Amazing! This is better than Robaxacet (and ever so much easier on the body and cheaper!).
It is even more amazing how well I slept, considering what I did last night.
After supper and before I went to bed, I booked a weekend trip to Vegas (with my sister) to go to see Dancing With the Stars in February.
We booked our flights, our hotel and bought our tickets for the event. Signed, sealed and delivered! It is amazing how easy it is to spend money without taking a step away from the computer. Perhaps a little too easy.
Or not ...
I was sending my brother an email right before I went to bed and as I was confirming the date and time of our arrival back home, I realized we were due to come home on the wrong day. YIKES!
I immediately went into hyper-correct-mode and thought I had to do something on the spot. Yes! There was a 24 hour number to call. Whew!!
Then I realized the wisdom of sleeping on it. There was no need to make a rash decision that late in the evening. We have a 24 hour window to adjust our reservation at no charge. Stop. Think. Confirm with my sister. Breathe. Sleep. Fix it in the morning.
I went to bed with this on my mind. Surprisingly, my heart rate was normal and I wasn't overly concerned. We have 24 hours. Better to sleep on it and come at it in a brand new day. Yes. This was the rational way to think.
It turns out either: A) I do 'rational thinking' better now or B) I have a severe sleeping disorder because C) I slept like a log last night!
I woke up with a calm, clear frame of mind. No need to panic.
When they say it is better to sleep on it, they are right. It is a brand new day and I am so relieved I didn't make any hasty choices last night.
Well, that is, if booking a weekend trip to Vegas and spending half of what my friend is paying for a week-long-cruise is not considered hasty.
My rule is: If it still feels like a good idea in the morning, it is the right choice.
The way I slept last night + the way I feel this morning = A good idea (I didn't say smart. I just said good).
And that is the way last night rolled for me. How was your night??
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Sleep Deprivation - It Starts Early
My daycare days have not ended on a good note two out of two days this week. The problem (in my eyes) is simple. Tired children = cranky children. Cranky children cry at the drop of a pin.
The transition out of afternoon naps for one of my children has led to a screaming session at the end of two out of two days this week. The answer in my eyes is simple. Let the poor child sleep!!
It gets under my skin when I see a three year old child fight sleep in every way imaginable during the quiet time in our day. To me, you don't fight your body's cue to sleep. You succumb to it. If you learn to fight it when you are a pre-schooler, what is in store for you when you get older? I know far too many adults with sleep issues, to think that bad sleeping habits formed as a child are nothing but a bad thing.
A friend who has had chronic insomnia for more years than I know, has told me time and time again that she wishes she would have had 'someone like me' formulate her sleeping patterns when she was a child. So something tells me (namely, my friend) that I am on the right path.
Do not force tired children to stay awake! You are teaching them to ignore their body's need for sleep.
I honestly belief if this exhausted, cranky three-year-old child would close her eyes and rest, she would not sleep long enough to disrupt her evening's sleep. In fact, I (personally) believe it would enhance her sleep. In my experience, an overtired child is one of the hardest children to put to bed at night.
So I sat beside this child yesterday afternoon, simply to try and encourage her to at least relax, even if she was not sleeping. She would not be still. She moved and twitched and wiggled around and forcefully resisted any of my efforts to snuggle or calm her. It was only when Senior Cat came and snuggled up beside her, that she finally calmed.
The loss of nap time for the aforementioned child has been my undoing. A ten hour day of children without a break is ... hard. Add a tired and obstinate child to that equation and you have a recipe for disaster.
I have been sitting here staring at the spaces in between the words, trying to find the best way through and around this phase. I have a 1-1/2 year old who is already showing signs and signals of what is forthcoming in her nap-schedule (and it's not good).
We are over-stimulated in our world today. We do not sit still. I am including myself in this statement when I think of what I surround myself with, when I relax. I have a phone and computer at my side, with the TV on, a book to grab if what is on television does not interest me and perhaps a little snack &/or beverage.
Quiet time is too noisy with all of this stimulation. Perhaps it is time to turn off the world and tune into our thoughts. Myself included.
Except ... the moment the house is quiet, I am the one who is energized. Knowing I have an hour to myself is what it takes to get through a child-filled day. How do I get that back and teach my children to relax and tune out the world at the same time.
Tune in 'tomorrow' folks, for the never-ending saga on how I survived my Day at Daycare.
The transition out of afternoon naps for one of my children has led to a screaming session at the end of two out of two days this week. The answer in my eyes is simple. Let the poor child sleep!!
It gets under my skin when I see a three year old child fight sleep in every way imaginable during the quiet time in our day. To me, you don't fight your body's cue to sleep. You succumb to it. If you learn to fight it when you are a pre-schooler, what is in store for you when you get older? I know far too many adults with sleep issues, to think that bad sleeping habits formed as a child are nothing but a bad thing.
A friend who has had chronic insomnia for more years than I know, has told me time and time again that she wishes she would have had 'someone like me' formulate her sleeping patterns when she was a child. So something tells me (namely, my friend) that I am on the right path.
Do not force tired children to stay awake! You are teaching them to ignore their body's need for sleep.
I honestly belief if this exhausted, cranky three-year-old child would close her eyes and rest, she would not sleep long enough to disrupt her evening's sleep. In fact, I (personally) believe it would enhance her sleep. In my experience, an overtired child is one of the hardest children to put to bed at night.
So I sat beside this child yesterday afternoon, simply to try and encourage her to at least relax, even if she was not sleeping. She would not be still. She moved and twitched and wiggled around and forcefully resisted any of my efforts to snuggle or calm her. It was only when Senior Cat came and snuggled up beside her, that she finally calmed.
The loss of nap time for the aforementioned child has been my undoing. A ten hour day of children without a break is ... hard. Add a tired and obstinate child to that equation and you have a recipe for disaster.
I have been sitting here staring at the spaces in between the words, trying to find the best way through and around this phase. I have a 1-1/2 year old who is already showing signs and signals of what is forthcoming in her nap-schedule (and it's not good).
We are over-stimulated in our world today. We do not sit still. I am including myself in this statement when I think of what I surround myself with, when I relax. I have a phone and computer at my side, with the TV on, a book to grab if what is on television does not interest me and perhaps a little snack &/or beverage.
Quiet time is too noisy with all of this stimulation. Perhaps it is time to turn off the world and tune into our thoughts. Myself included.
Except ... the moment the house is quiet, I am the one who is energized. Knowing I have an hour to myself is what it takes to get through a child-filled day. How do I get that back and teach my children to relax and tune out the world at the same time.
Tune in 'tomorrow' folks, for the never-ending saga on how I survived my Day at Daycare.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
What Will I Do?
"What will you do when you finish this book?" my Youngest Son asked me a few weeks ago.
Oh, the answers that streamed into my head.
I will clean. I will read. I will cull through the excesses of the filing cabinet. And drawers. And closets. I will rid our home of excess and get back down to bare-bones living and room to breathe and live and dream again.
Do you know what I am most afraid I will actually do, after my book project is over? That I will sleep. And sleep. And sleep some more.
Two Mondays in a row, I have been dead to the world and fast asleep by 7:30 p.m.
I keep saying it is because I wore out my brain on the weekend but I am fearful this could become my new reality if I am not careful.
I am going to stick to 'Plan A' and endeavor to clear out the clutter that has seeped into every nook and cranny of our home.
It is time to make way for something new. New hopes, new goals, new dreams. New life is headed our way. I can feel it.
Oh, the answers that streamed into my head.
I will clean. I will read. I will cull through the excesses of the filing cabinet. And drawers. And closets. I will rid our home of excess and get back down to bare-bones living and room to breathe and live and dream again.
Do you know what I am most afraid I will actually do, after my book project is over? That I will sleep. And sleep. And sleep some more.
Two Mondays in a row, I have been dead to the world and fast asleep by 7:30 p.m.
I keep saying it is because I wore out my brain on the weekend but I am fearful this could become my new reality if I am not careful.
I am going to stick to 'Plan A' and endeavor to clear out the clutter that has seeped into every nook and cranny of our home.
It is time to make way for something new. New hopes, new goals, new dreams. New life is headed our way. I can feel it.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Holidays - Day #4
It is Tuesday. It still feels like a Sunday. The holiday pixie dust is working its magic. I feel ... light.
I like the holiday pace of my world. I am simply succumbing to my body and mind's cues and letting them direct me wherever I need to go.
Yesterday, in and around 1:00, I started to feel waves of exhaustion hit me. It took me a few minutes but I eventually reminded myself "You are on holidays! You can do whatever it is that you want/need to do!"
So, I reclined on the love seat, turned on the TV and the next thing I knew, I was waking up to Dr. Oz telling me the 'Ten Tips to Longevity'. His original question was "Would you like to live to 100, if you were healthy and your brain was still functioning well?" My thought was an instant, "NO!" I cannot afford to live off of my 'retirement savings' (aka: work income) that long. I do not want to work to age 100! Puh-lease!!
But I listened to him anyway because as long as I do exist, I do want to be healthy, hearty and have a brain that runs on all cylinders.
Do you know one of the 'Top Ten'? "Nap! - it lowers your stress levels" Yee-haw!! That one is easy. I do it all of the time!!
Do you know another one? "Go to bed one hour earlier every night"- now, if you keep doing that every single night, I don't know exactly when you would have time to be awake but .... I have that one down pat as well. My bedtime of 8 to 9 p.m. serves me well.
Another? "Laugh (at least 20 times per day)" - I love to laugh. I am drawn to people and situations that are light and easy. Just what I need! Doctor's Orders directing me to find humor within my day. I like this medication!
He also tells you to "Eat purple foods"- it helps keep your brain connections 'connected' and each side of the brain talking to each other. Apparently purple candy does not count, but red wine does. If I add wine to my day I am not certain just how I will manage to stay awake long enough to get what has to be done in a day. But I'm thinking that life could look much more humorous if I had a glass of red wine with breakfast. I could add it to my morning smoothy (do you think my daycare parents would approve?).
He had more but I don't remember them. I need to eat more purple foods so that I can retain this train of thought and wisdom that the good doctor so kindly shared with me as I woke up from my life-affirming snooze.
On that note, I must move forward with this day. I have car keys to drop off and a book to tend. I am not making the progress that I had hoped to make but I am not letting that stop me in my tracks. If one chapter is not working for me, I have been putting it aside and working on another. If that one doesn't work, I have started the editing process. This time, I have started from the end of the book and I am working towards the middle. I am not quite sure how that will work for me but I need to find a strategy that helps me rewire my brain to find that-which-I-have-not-yet-seen before. Maybe I should have a glass of red wine to help me with that...
If you wish to find the remaining six items on Dr. Oz's Longevity check list, you can do so right here: Dr Oz's - longevity checklist. Or you can rip a page out of my book and stick to the 'top four' on that list if you can't afford to live into the turn of your next century. Your choice.
Happy Tuesday! Make it your mission to laugh (at least) twenty times today.
I like the holiday pace of my world. I am simply succumbing to my body and mind's cues and letting them direct me wherever I need to go.
Yesterday, in and around 1:00, I started to feel waves of exhaustion hit me. It took me a few minutes but I eventually reminded myself "You are on holidays! You can do whatever it is that you want/need to do!"
So, I reclined on the love seat, turned on the TV and the next thing I knew, I was waking up to Dr. Oz telling me the 'Ten Tips to Longevity'. His original question was "Would you like to live to 100, if you were healthy and your brain was still functioning well?" My thought was an instant, "NO!" I cannot afford to live off of my 'retirement savings' (aka: work income) that long. I do not want to work to age 100! Puh-lease!!
But I listened to him anyway because as long as I do exist, I do want to be healthy, hearty and have a brain that runs on all cylinders.
Do you know one of the 'Top Ten'? "Nap! - it lowers your stress levels" Yee-haw!! That one is easy. I do it all of the time!!
Do you know another one? "Go to bed one hour earlier every night"- now, if you keep doing that every single night, I don't know exactly when you would have time to be awake but .... I have that one down pat as well. My bedtime of 8 to 9 p.m. serves me well.
Another? "Laugh (at least 20 times per day)" - I love to laugh. I am drawn to people and situations that are light and easy. Just what I need! Doctor's Orders directing me to find humor within my day. I like this medication!
He also tells you to "Eat purple foods"- it helps keep your brain connections 'connected' and each side of the brain talking to each other. Apparently purple candy does not count, but red wine does. If I add wine to my day I am not certain just how I will manage to stay awake long enough to get what has to be done in a day. But I'm thinking that life could look much more humorous if I had a glass of red wine with breakfast. I could add it to my morning smoothy (do you think my daycare parents would approve?).
He had more but I don't remember them. I need to eat more purple foods so that I can retain this train of thought and wisdom that the good doctor so kindly shared with me as I woke up from my life-affirming snooze.
On that note, I must move forward with this day. I have car keys to drop off and a book to tend. I am not making the progress that I had hoped to make but I am not letting that stop me in my tracks. If one chapter is not working for me, I have been putting it aside and working on another. If that one doesn't work, I have started the editing process. This time, I have started from the end of the book and I am working towards the middle. I am not quite sure how that will work for me but I need to find a strategy that helps me rewire my brain to find that-which-I-have-not-yet-seen before. Maybe I should have a glass of red wine to help me with that...
If you wish to find the remaining six items on Dr. Oz's Longevity check list, you can do so right here: Dr Oz's - longevity checklist. Or you can rip a page out of my book and stick to the 'top four' on that list if you can't afford to live into the turn of your next century. Your choice.
Happy Tuesday! Make it your mission to laugh (at least) twenty times today.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Sleep Cycles, Metamorphosis and Other Little Thoughts
Sleep is not something I take for granted. I know far too many people who struggle with the ability to sleep at night (something that comes as easily as sitting still does for me).
Then I had my Sleep Injury. Basically, I (think) I hurt myself by sleeping too much. The mathematical precision in which I laid out my pillows each night after my 'injury' was ridiculous. Rolling over was a feat unto itself because it entailed rearranging all of my pillow support before I could settle back into a state of slumber.
The cure arrived each morning, when I simply woke up and started moving. My symptoms only presented themselves when I was sleeping.
Eventually I went in search of my Dream Pillow. And I found it. Quite literally, because vivid dreams started the moment I started sleeping more soundly.
I woke up this morning and realized just how much the quality of my sleep has evolved since the acquisition of my new pillow. I used to wake up (what felt like) a bazillion times, as I tossed and turned and kept moving out of uncomfortable sleeping positions. These days? I may consciously remember waking up to roll over only a few times during the night.
Is it just the pillow or is there more at play here?
At long last, I have become actively involved in my own life. I do not turn on the TV (nor an episode of the Gilmore Girls) the moment my evening becomes my own. Sometimes, I do. But it is becoming a rare event. I have been grabbing a book instead. Or engaging in 'life' in some form.
I am whittling away at long term goals. I am living life (a little more) outside of my own head and home. I have been pushing myself out of the safe and comfortable rut that I worked oh-so-hard to find again and I feel like a butterfly that is finally strong enough to break out of its cocoon.
I can actually visualize the 'end goal'. I see where I plan to be four months from today. I know where I will be, how I will get there and I can already feel the sensation of gratitude and relief to have finally overcome the hurdle that has been challenging and taunting me for far-too-long.
Which came first? The ability to sleep and therefore function better during my waking hours? Or making the most of my waking hours which resulted in a deep and restful night's sleep? The chicken or the egg?
I am not going to ponder that little conundrum any longer than it took for me to write that sentence. The ability to sleep soundly and live loudly are a very good combo. It is harder to attain than one may believe. But it is another example of the yin and the yang of this thing called living.
Teetering back and forth, between the balance of all that life has to offer, is a very delicate and precarious act. You know when it is right. It is like something clicked and locked into place. The harder part is knowing how to get from 'A' to 'Be'. My fingers subconsciously typed the word 'be' instead of the letter 'B'. I do believe that is an answer unto itself. All we can do is 'be' present within the life that we are living. Just show up, do your best, let yourself off the hook and give yourself credit for 'being' there. In whatever form you are presently in.
Does a caterpillar know what life has in store for it when it spins its cocoon before its metamorphosis? Or does it simply feel like it is succumbing to the pressures of the world and hunkering down for a good, long rest? When it wakes up and feels life stirring within, does it find itself suddenly flying around its brand new world or does it have to work hard to break out of its cocoon? It is the act of breaking out of its cocoon that strengthens the butterfly's wings so it is strong enough to fly once he breaks free of all that is restraining him.
If you are struggling right now, put yourself in the place of that little caterpillar of life. Where are you in this cycle of life?
Then I had my Sleep Injury. Basically, I (think) I hurt myself by sleeping too much. The mathematical precision in which I laid out my pillows each night after my 'injury' was ridiculous. Rolling over was a feat unto itself because it entailed rearranging all of my pillow support before I could settle back into a state of slumber.
The cure arrived each morning, when I simply woke up and started moving. My symptoms only presented themselves when I was sleeping.
Eventually I went in search of my Dream Pillow. And I found it. Quite literally, because vivid dreams started the moment I started sleeping more soundly.
I woke up this morning and realized just how much the quality of my sleep has evolved since the acquisition of my new pillow. I used to wake up (what felt like) a bazillion times, as I tossed and turned and kept moving out of uncomfortable sleeping positions. These days? I may consciously remember waking up to roll over only a few times during the night.
Is it just the pillow or is there more at play here?
At long last, I have become actively involved in my own life. I do not turn on the TV (nor an episode of the Gilmore Girls) the moment my evening becomes my own. Sometimes, I do. But it is becoming a rare event. I have been grabbing a book instead. Or engaging in 'life' in some form.
I am whittling away at long term goals. I am living life (a little more) outside of my own head and home. I have been pushing myself out of the safe and comfortable rut that I worked oh-so-hard to find again and I feel like a butterfly that is finally strong enough to break out of its cocoon.
I can actually visualize the 'end goal'. I see where I plan to be four months from today. I know where I will be, how I will get there and I can already feel the sensation of gratitude and relief to have finally overcome the hurdle that has been challenging and taunting me for far-too-long.
Which came first? The ability to sleep and therefore function better during my waking hours? Or making the most of my waking hours which resulted in a deep and restful night's sleep? The chicken or the egg?
I am not going to ponder that little conundrum any longer than it took for me to write that sentence. The ability to sleep soundly and live loudly are a very good combo. It is harder to attain than one may believe. But it is another example of the yin and the yang of this thing called living.
Teetering back and forth, between the balance of all that life has to offer, is a very delicate and precarious act. You know when it is right. It is like something clicked and locked into place. The harder part is knowing how to get from 'A' to 'Be'. My fingers subconsciously typed the word 'be' instead of the letter 'B'. I do believe that is an answer unto itself. All we can do is 'be' present within the life that we are living. Just show up, do your best, let yourself off the hook and give yourself credit for 'being' there. In whatever form you are presently in.
Does a caterpillar know what life has in store for it when it spins its cocoon before its metamorphosis? Or does it simply feel like it is succumbing to the pressures of the world and hunkering down for a good, long rest? When it wakes up and feels life stirring within, does it find itself suddenly flying around its brand new world or does it have to work hard to break out of its cocoon? It is the act of breaking out of its cocoon that strengthens the butterfly's wings so it is strong enough to fly once he breaks free of all that is restraining him.
If you are struggling right now, put yourself in the place of that little caterpillar of life. Where are you in this cycle of life?
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it became a butterfly.
~ English Proverb
Monday, June 9, 2014
Memories
I do believe that I finally, finally have found the pillow of my dreams! I purchased a memory foam pillow and have had a very happy neck ever since.
This successful sleep tactic, with the additional epiphany that my neck/back issues are all related to 'waking up in the morning' led me to believe that perhaps I need to rethink my bed as well. If my aches and pains are all happening while I am sleeping, it is pretty obvious where the source of my troubles lie (it never ceases to amaze me how I cannot manage to put two plus two together quicker).
Since the memory foam was working wonders on my neck, I thought about the memory foam that is folded up in a closet (to make our guest's sleep on our futon a little more tolerable). Yesterday, I finally got ambitious enough to unmake my bed and insert the memory foam. I simply could not wait to crawl into bed last night.
Well!!! First and foremost, it is not called 'memory' foam for nothing!
I dreamt like I have never dreamt before. I woke up completely and totally worked up after remembering and reliving my 'school career' days. It was awful. I ended up escaping the clutches of those awful memories and then relived my recurring dream where someone is chasing me and I cannot keep my feet on the ground and I float up past the rooftops to allude capture. I have not had that dream for years. And I had it last night - as I slept atop my memory foam.
Then I dreamt about visiting Dad's 'resting place'. It wasn't his grave but it was something akin to that, that held a box of memories that Mom had carefully selected and tucked away 'with' Dad. We opened the box. And I wept. And I wept. And I wept. I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life.
From there, the dream segued to a scene where I was back in my house-filled-to-the-brim with my daycare family and we were out having a picnic. I didn't make enough food. I needed to use some of my sister's meat because I didn't packenough any. And I didn't have enough eyes to watch all of my kids (thankfully, I had so many kids they were watching out for each other). I felt like I was reliving my past.
Somewhere in between all of this, I got a diagnosis from Senior Cat's vet and she said to bring him in immediately. His life was hanging in the balance and I had to make a decision that hinged upon spending thousands and thousands of dollars to fix him. Or not.
Memories, memories, memories!!
I woke up this morning thinking "Wow! That memory foam really works!!" Not only did I wake up with a happy neck and back ... I woke up with a brain full of old memories.
This successful sleep tactic, with the additional epiphany that my neck/back issues are all related to 'waking up in the morning' led me to believe that perhaps I need to rethink my bed as well. If my aches and pains are all happening while I am sleeping, it is pretty obvious where the source of my troubles lie (it never ceases to amaze me how I cannot manage to put two plus two together quicker).
Since the memory foam was working wonders on my neck, I thought about the memory foam that is folded up in a closet (to make our guest's sleep on our futon a little more tolerable). Yesterday, I finally got ambitious enough to unmake my bed and insert the memory foam. I simply could not wait to crawl into bed last night.
Well!!! First and foremost, it is not called 'memory' foam for nothing!
I dreamt like I have never dreamt before. I woke up completely and totally worked up after remembering and reliving my 'school career' days. It was awful. I ended up escaping the clutches of those awful memories and then relived my recurring dream where someone is chasing me and I cannot keep my feet on the ground and I float up past the rooftops to allude capture. I have not had that dream for years. And I had it last night - as I slept atop my memory foam.
Then I dreamt about visiting Dad's 'resting place'. It wasn't his grave but it was something akin to that, that held a box of memories that Mom had carefully selected and tucked away 'with' Dad. We opened the box. And I wept. And I wept. And I wept. I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life.
From there, the dream segued to a scene where I was back in my house-filled-to-the-brim with my daycare family and we were out having a picnic. I didn't make enough food. I needed to use some of my sister's meat because I didn't pack
Somewhere in between all of this, I got a diagnosis from Senior Cat's vet and she said to bring him in immediately. His life was hanging in the balance and I had to make a decision that hinged upon spending thousands and thousands of dollars to fix him. Or not.
Memories, memories, memories!!
I woke up this morning thinking "Wow! That memory foam really works!!" Not only did I wake up with a happy neck and back ... I woke up with a brain full of old memories.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Anxious
I had the most anxious sleep last night.
I went out to see a movie with a friend last night. We conversed. There was nothing out of the ordinary about our visit. The usual banter between friends. Light, easy and thought provoking. The 'usual' kind of evening.
I came home and was so pleased that I didn't feel exhausted. I thought to myself (as I do many, many a-night) "Ahhh! I will be able to stay awake long enough to enjoy watching some TV!"
Within no time at all, I felt the familiar pull of my eyelids.They wanted to rest. I could feel my body relax and become one with the bed. Darn it all anyway. I would not be able to stay awake. Again.
I succumbed to my tiredness, as I always do and I thought that was that. 'That' turned out to only be the beginning.
I often do have a restless sleep if I have done something out of the ordinary to stimulate my brainwaves. It didn't surprise me that I was restless. It has happened before and it will happen again.
What was out of the ordinary was each and every time I woke up, my heart was racing and very anxious. Not on a scary I-think-something-is-wrong-with-my-heart kind of way. Simple anxiety.
I cannot remember ever feeling this way before.
When my last relationship ended, I would wake up numerous times with a severe heart ache. My heart hurt. My thoughts woke me up and kept me awake (thus, the beginning of my severe addiction to needing to fall asleep to the sound of the television). But it wasn't like that.
I had many restless nights while I ventured out and worked outside of my home several years ago. Those were very stressful times and I woke up full of stressful anxiety. It was nothing like that.
The strangest part of the entire night is that Junior Cat stayed with me. No matter what.
He is a fickle and nervous cat. As a rule, he stays out of my room until it is almost time for me to wake up. Even at that, he may do a 'walk around' my head, then quickly move on if there is not a hand out to pet him.
Sometimes he will stop and stay awhile. I just smile when I find him at the foot of my bed. But if I turn over or move a muscle, he is usually off like a shot.
Not last night.
I tossed. I turned. I moved. I rolled one way and then the next. At no time did he leave my side. In fact he moved up closer to me but remained resting. He wasn't in it to be petted.
Junior Cat's reaction to my anxiety was the most perplexing part of all. It was as if he sensed something was off and he was not leaving me. Did I mention that he is quite a fickle young cat?
I woke up this morning (again and again) and when I felt rested enough, I decided it was time to wake up and start the day. It is like any other regular morning.
I don't know what was going on within my subconscious mind last night. I just may do some 'checking in' to ensure that my ESP wasn't picking up something on its radar.
It was simply the most anxious sleep that I can ever remember having. I am not looking for a repeat performance!
I went out to see a movie with a friend last night. We conversed. There was nothing out of the ordinary about our visit. The usual banter between friends. Light, easy and thought provoking. The 'usual' kind of evening.
I came home and was so pleased that I didn't feel exhausted. I thought to myself (as I do many, many a-night) "Ahhh! I will be able to stay awake long enough to enjoy watching some TV!"
Within no time at all, I felt the familiar pull of my eyelids.They wanted to rest. I could feel my body relax and become one with the bed. Darn it all anyway. I would not be able to stay awake. Again.
I succumbed to my tiredness, as I always do and I thought that was that. 'That' turned out to only be the beginning.
I often do have a restless sleep if I have done something out of the ordinary to stimulate my brainwaves. It didn't surprise me that I was restless. It has happened before and it will happen again.
What was out of the ordinary was each and every time I woke up, my heart was racing and very anxious. Not on a scary I-think-something-is-wrong-with-my-heart kind of way. Simple anxiety.
I cannot remember ever feeling this way before.
When my last relationship ended, I would wake up numerous times with a severe heart ache. My heart hurt. My thoughts woke me up and kept me awake (thus, the beginning of my severe addiction to needing to fall asleep to the sound of the television). But it wasn't like that.
I had many restless nights while I ventured out and worked outside of my home several years ago. Those were very stressful times and I woke up full of stressful anxiety. It was nothing like that.
The strangest part of the entire night is that Junior Cat stayed with me. No matter what.
He is a fickle and nervous cat. As a rule, he stays out of my room until it is almost time for me to wake up. Even at that, he may do a 'walk around' my head, then quickly move on if there is not a hand out to pet him.
Sometimes he will stop and stay awhile. I just smile when I find him at the foot of my bed. But if I turn over or move a muscle, he is usually off like a shot.
Not last night.
I tossed. I turned. I moved. I rolled one way and then the next. At no time did he leave my side. In fact he moved up closer to me but remained resting. He wasn't in it to be petted.
Junior Cat's reaction to my anxiety was the most perplexing part of all. It was as if he sensed something was off and he was not leaving me. Did I mention that he is quite a fickle young cat?
I woke up this morning (again and again) and when I felt rested enough, I decided it was time to wake up and start the day. It is like any other regular morning.
I don't know what was going on within my subconscious mind last night. I just may do some 'checking in' to ensure that my ESP wasn't picking up something on its radar.
It was simply the most anxious sleep that I can ever remember having. I am not looking for a repeat performance!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Sleep
Sleep is my friend. It comes to me easily and without fail. The moment I am still within my world, sleep comes to find me and takes me away.
Sleep and I became out of sync at one transitional point in my life. I could fall asleep easily but I couldn't stay asleep. I became addicted to turning on the TV to turn off my thoughts during that phase. A habit that I have yet to break.
Years later, I went through a particularly stressful time when I tried transitioning to work-outside-of-my-home. I faced a situation within the workplace that took me down and the residual effect still lies within me. I felt powerless in that world and I believe that I slipped into a depressed state. It hurt to be awake during that time. Sleep was my narcotic, aided and abetted by the television which lulled me into a semi-comatose state that got me through the worst of times. Sleep saved me from myself.
Unfortunately (perhaps it is fortunate?) it means that the television has become like a sleeping pill to me. The moment I turn it on, sit still and focus my attention on it I am asleep.
This skill has been honed to a degree where I fall asleep whenever I stop moving, eating &/or talking. I have been checked out and told that my sleep habits are "unremarkable" so this mild dose of narcolepsy does not concern me. I know far too many people who suffer with sleep deprivation to be anything but grateful that sleep and I are such constant companions.
This affection for sleep really cuts into my productivity though. If I make the mistake of sitting down after supper, it is 'lights off' for me. The later I eat, the longer I can stay awake. The less satisfying my supper is, the more inclined I am to snack (thereby delaying my automatic sleep cycle).
Long story short, it is very hard to stay awake past 8:00 if I am not moving, eating or talking. There is a benefit and a pitfall to falling asleep so early. I wake up often during those long nights.
My ability to fall back to sleep the moment I become interested in a television program makes these wakeful nights very easy on me. In fact, I often turn on the TV and become excited at the fact that I may finally be able to watch a program that I have slept through on other occasions. I have turned on a program with only fifteen minutes left and it is a rare occasion when I make it through to the end. One night I even brought some ju-jubes into bed with me in the hope of watching the end of some program (it didn't work).
Our house is a busy one. We could install revolving front and back doors. The kitchen and living room are the core of the activity around here so I have retreated to a quiet zone in the corner of the house that is furthest from the activity. I love my little oasis. But I am still very much aware of the comings and goings of our household. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I am surrounded in a house full of sleeping beings. It is the most peaceful, serene place in my world.
Last night was 'one of those nights'...
I had fallen asleep on the couch by 8:00 and made my way to bed by 8:30 (after saying good-night to my Youngest Son and our cats). I woke up somewhere in and around 1:30 a.m. and I felt wide awake. I checked my email and found a few personal messages. I sent off a reply in the middle of the night. I was energized by the social contact within my quiet space and quickly turned on the DVD that I had been trying to watch before I fell asleep. And poof! Lights out. Again.
I woke up this morning energized by my window of solitude in the middle of the night. The house will be a flurry of activity within the half hour and I am so grateful for that time that I found in the middle of the night.
Sleep is good for your health. It gives your body a chance to recharge. It gives your immune system a chance to fight all that ails you. Resting your body, mind and soul is the best medicine for all that ails you. Add a good friend to the mix and you are pretty much invincible.
That ... is precisely how I feel this early Monday morning. I am rested, nourished and nestled up all safely within a most wonderful life. I may not be entirely invincible but I am most definitely the best-I-can-be. I couldn't ask for a better way to start a new week.
Sleep and I became out of sync at one transitional point in my life. I could fall asleep easily but I couldn't stay asleep. I became addicted to turning on the TV to turn off my thoughts during that phase. A habit that I have yet to break.
Years later, I went through a particularly stressful time when I tried transitioning to work-outside-of-my-home. I faced a situation within the workplace that took me down and the residual effect still lies within me. I felt powerless in that world and I believe that I slipped into a depressed state. It hurt to be awake during that time. Sleep was my narcotic, aided and abetted by the television which lulled me into a semi-comatose state that got me through the worst of times. Sleep saved me from myself.
Unfortunately (perhaps it is fortunate?) it means that the television has become like a sleeping pill to me. The moment I turn it on, sit still and focus my attention on it I am asleep.
This skill has been honed to a degree where I fall asleep whenever I stop moving, eating &/or talking. I have been checked out and told that my sleep habits are "unremarkable" so this mild dose of narcolepsy does not concern me. I know far too many people who suffer with sleep deprivation to be anything but grateful that sleep and I are such constant companions.
This affection for sleep really cuts into my productivity though. If I make the mistake of sitting down after supper, it is 'lights off' for me. The later I eat, the longer I can stay awake. The less satisfying my supper is, the more inclined I am to snack (thereby delaying my automatic sleep cycle).
Long story short, it is very hard to stay awake past 8:00 if I am not moving, eating or talking. There is a benefit and a pitfall to falling asleep so early. I wake up often during those long nights.
My ability to fall back to sleep the moment I become interested in a television program makes these wakeful nights very easy on me. In fact, I often turn on the TV and become excited at the fact that I may finally be able to watch a program that I have slept through on other occasions. I have turned on a program with only fifteen minutes left and it is a rare occasion when I make it through to the end. One night I even brought some ju-jubes into bed with me in the hope of watching the end of some program (it didn't work).
Our house is a busy one. We could install revolving front and back doors. The kitchen and living room are the core of the activity around here so I have retreated to a quiet zone in the corner of the house that is furthest from the activity. I love my little oasis. But I am still very much aware of the comings and goings of our household. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I am surrounded in a house full of sleeping beings. It is the most peaceful, serene place in my world.
Last night was 'one of those nights'...
I had fallen asleep on the couch by 8:00 and made my way to bed by 8:30 (after saying good-night to my Youngest Son and our cats). I woke up somewhere in and around 1:30 a.m. and I felt wide awake. I checked my email and found a few personal messages. I sent off a reply in the middle of the night. I was energized by the social contact within my quiet space and quickly turned on the DVD that I had been trying to watch before I fell asleep. And poof! Lights out. Again.
I woke up this morning energized by my window of solitude in the middle of the night. The house will be a flurry of activity within the half hour and I am so grateful for that time that I found in the middle of the night.
Sleep is good for your health. It gives your body a chance to recharge. It gives your immune system a chance to fight all that ails you. Resting your body, mind and soul is the best medicine for all that ails you. Add a good friend to the mix and you are pretty much invincible.
That ... is precisely how I feel this early Monday morning. I am rested, nourished and nestled up all safely within a most wonderful life. I may not be entirely invincible but I am most definitely the best-I-can-be. I couldn't ask for a better way to start a new week.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Sleep
I am craving sleep in the worst way lately. I don't have time for it. I want it. I need it. And these are the quotes that came to me via a monthly newsletter that I received today which started with the subtitle: "Sleep is good"
The feeling of sleepiness when you are not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world. ~ Edgar Watson Howe
Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds.
~JoJo Jensen
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