Anxious

I had the most anxious sleep last night.

I went out to see a movie with a friend last night. We conversed. There was nothing out of the ordinary about our visit. The usual banter between friends. Light, easy and thought provoking. The 'usual' kind of evening.

I came home and was so pleased that I didn't feel exhausted. I thought to myself (as I do many, many a-night) "Ahhh! I will be able to stay awake long enough to enjoy watching some TV!"

Within no time at all, I felt the familiar pull of my eyelids.They wanted to rest. I could feel my body relax and become one with the bed. Darn it all anyway. I would not be able to stay awake. Again.

I succumbed to my tiredness, as I always do and I thought that was that. 'That' turned out to only be the beginning.

I often do have a restless sleep if I have done something out of the ordinary to stimulate my brainwaves. It didn't surprise me that I was restless. It has happened before and it will happen again.

What was out of the ordinary was each and every time I woke up, my heart was racing and very anxious. Not on a scary I-think-something-is-wrong-with-my-heart kind of way. Simple anxiety.

I cannot remember ever feeling this way before.

When my last relationship ended, I would wake up numerous times with a severe heart ache. My heart hurt. My thoughts woke me up and kept me awake (thus, the beginning of my severe addiction to needing to fall asleep to the sound of the television). But it wasn't like that.

I had many restless nights while I ventured out and worked outside of my home several years ago. Those were very stressful times and I woke up full of stressful anxiety. It was nothing like that.

The strangest part of the entire night is that Junior Cat stayed with me. No matter what.

He is a fickle and nervous cat. As a rule, he stays out of my room until it is almost time for me to wake up. Even at that, he may do a 'walk around' my head, then quickly move on if there is not a hand out to pet him.

Sometimes he will stop and stay awhile. I just smile when I find him at the foot of my bed. But if I turn over or move a muscle, he is usually off like a shot.

Not last night.

I tossed. I turned. I moved. I rolled one way and then the next. At no time did he leave my side. In fact he moved up closer to me but remained resting. He wasn't in it to be petted.

Junior Cat's reaction to my anxiety was the most perplexing part of all. It was as if he sensed something was off and he was not leaving me. Did I mention that he is quite a fickle young cat?

I woke up this morning (again and again) and when I felt rested enough, I decided it was time to wake up and start the day. It is like any other regular morning.

I don't know what was going on within my subconscious mind last night. I just may do some 'checking in' to ensure that my ESP wasn't picking up something on its radar.

It was simply the most anxious sleep that I can ever remember having. I am not looking for a repeat performance!