Who Knew?

I succumbed to my cravings and bought a bountiful supply of fresh fruit and vegetables a week ago.

A small sampling of salad the week prior tempted my taste buds and I could hear myself utter the words, "This salad is sooo good!" in the same way honesty sometimes oozes out my fingertips before my brain has a chance to censor myself.

My knees weakened at the very idea of adding some fresh and healthy foods to my online grocery cart. I was disheartened to find much of what I had ordered was out of stock. The desire was strong so I actually braved entering a store-with-a-door. 

Donning my COVID face mask and slathering myself with hand sanitizer, I socially distanced myself from the produce and any shoppers in my midst. I came home with a small tray of mixed fruit, a few bags of salad, a cucumber and five tomatoes. 

I had salad for lunch every day. I made a sandwich full of veggies with a minimal amount of ham for supper. Instead of grabbing a cookie (or three) for dessert, I had a small bowl of fruit.

Then the most amazing thing happened.

After eating a balanced meal and feeding my sugar craving with fruit, I didn't have room for cookies. Who knew eating well could result in eating less??

Our body is pretty smart. It tells us what we need the most if we don't buffer its voice with sugar, chips and pop. 

If I keep this up, there is a slim chance I may fit into my pants by winter. But in addition to eating healthier, I may have to start going to bed by 7:30 to curb my evening snack. That snack is my reward for getting through another day. 

I need a new reward. Perhaps I should take up drinking.

Getting Physical

I recently became aware of yet one more perk of aging. Perhaps the disclaimer here is "aging healthfully" and keeping on top of all medical screenings. My last full physical appointment did not require me to take off as much as my shoes (after I was weighed and measured). I sat fully clothed, and my doctor and I had a conversation in lieu of a hands-on physical check up.

Our conversation was less about the weather and more about encouraging me to exercise as a preventative measure to all that can go awry as one ages. I have been "highly encouraged" to work cardio and strength training into my sedentary lifestyle.

Since there is a history of heart disease in my family, exercise is highly recommended even though my cholesterol levels are within the range which is considered normal.

The day after my appointment I received a call from my doctor. That is never good news. I assumed my cholesterol level had increased from last year and I was prepared to hear her recommendation based on this new finding. I was wrong (I have been wrong an awful lot lately but that is a topic for another day). With no modifications to my lifestyle in the past year, my cholesterol level had actually decreased. But the exercise recommendations remained in place.

It sounds so easy when one is sitting and talking about it. Yes, I should exercise. I will feel better, I will think better and my pants may not feel so tight if I retain the habit. I should do this! But almost three weeks later, I haven't done a thing.

How hard would it be to go for a walk every morning? If the weather and sidewalk conditions are not conducive to safe and dry walking, why don't I just run up and down the stairs and increase the number of times each day? What is so hard about finding a yoga or strength training video on YouTube and adding that to my morning routine? I should register for a Zumba class!

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. But didn't.

I DID look into Zumba classes that would fit into my evening schedule. Easier said than done. And who wants to get home at 9 p.m. all sweaty and in need of a shower?

I DID contemplate substituting my morning rabbit watching time from indoors, to seeking out rabbits as I walk through the neighborhoods surrounding us.

I DID go for one walk.

I DID think about it ... but I have DONE nothing.

If I want to continue down the road I'm on, enjoying a life where I wake up and take my health for granted, it would be wise to follow my doctor's advise and get moving. Mornings are not long enough for all the things I want to do. I simply have to convince myself I want to get outside and get moving. Walking is the best way to enjoy nature at its finest. I simply enjoy watching it from our living room window with a fresh cup of coffee in hand.

Let's get physical! If I write it out loud, will that inspire me to make a change? The decision is mine to make.

The Long Road Home

They say it is good for one's brain health to take different routes, learn a new language, take up dancing, etc, etc. Last night I decided to be very brave and I took a new way home from my son's home.

"Take the new bridge!", he said after the opening of the new North Bridge in our fair city. "Why would I do that when I had a perfectly good route that was familiar, straight forward and time effective?", I quietly thought to myself.

Last night, I decided that turning right during rush hour traffic could save me time and frustration verses turning left, without a set of lights to make the job easy. "I'll take the new bridge," I thought. "It will be an adventure," I encouraged myself.

I drove north when I needed to go west. I drove and drove. Then drove some more. "Did I cross the river without realizing it? Was I out of the city? Would this road take me where I thought I should go?"

At no point did I find this enjoyable. I never felt lost but I was pretty sure this was not the most expedient way home.

At long last, I found the landmarks I expected to see. Along with those landmarks, came rush hour traffic. The logical way back into the city would be back logged with vehicles.

As I tried to find a logical reason why I was so far out of my way, I decided I could make a "quick" trip into Costco to make this detour worth my while. While I thought I was getting myself out of a must-turn-left lane, I found myself in a lane where making a left turn into the (very busy looking) Costco parking lot was an impossibility.

So I kept on going.

I was certain the road I was on would take me to the highway to Edmonton. I could detour outside the city and take the highway less travelled to get me back into home territory.

The road was long. I never come at this particular highway from an westward direction. I am always coming in from the east.

Roads less travelled feel like they take so much longer, without familiar sights to guide you. I was on a double lane highway, knowing I had to turn left. I just didn't know how soon this would happen so I stayed in the passing lane, while ensuring I wasn't holding up any traffic behind me.

Sweat was thinking about accumulating on my brow. I was not only out of my comfort zone, I felt like I may have slipped into another time zone due to the excessive mileage I was travelling.

Finally, finally, finally the signage appeared and I got to turn left and head home on my warm and familiar highway. I would have never guessed that this road would not come with an extended left-turn lane so I turned on my signal light well in advance of my turn. I looked in my rear view mirror and was relieved to see the car behind me yield to my need to slow down. I had made it this far. I didn't want to end up in an accident this close to my destination.

That worn, familiar highway never looked so good. But even it felt longer as I anxiously made my way towards home. They took down the signage at my street but thankfully I recognized it anyway. Another left turn and no one rear ended me on this highway either.

I drove 15 km's out of my way, took an extra 15 minutes to get home and forgot to relax and enjoy the view. This all started so I could avoid "turning left".

When my brain functions start slowing down and the experts remind me of all the ways I can exercise and rewire my brain, they may mention "taking new routes home" as a suggestion. I think I may try to learn Spanish instead.

Food, We Need to Talk!

Food, you and I need to have a talk. I need you to know I have been "using" you. Using and abusing you. It is an unhealthy relationship we have, Food. I need to relearn how to treat you because I need you in my life. How can we learn to co-exist in a healthy way?

I wandered away from my second cup of coffee this morning and suddenly remembered the little ways food was a form of a reward and consolation when I was young.

Sundays will forever remind me of Dad going to pick up McDonald's for supper and he would time it so he would return by 6:00 and we would gather around the TV and watch "The Wonderful World of Disney". Only on Sundays. It was family time, it was special and it was something I always looked forward to.

I remember Mom picking up Pringles and we shared that can of Pringles while we watched "The Waltons".

I remember coming home from school every day, making myself a chocolate milkshake, then sitting down and devouring the current book I was reading.

I remember another phase when I came home from school, made some popcorn and watched "Love American Style".

I remember a time when I was heartbroken over not being asked to dance at a school sock hop. I came home feeling sad and Mom made French fries for supper (French fries had a designated day of the week and they were served at lunch time). French fries were my consolation prize.

I just remembered a time when I was quite young and knowing I just wanted to die. I was not courageous enough to act on that urge but quietly decided I would starve myself to death. I remember reading how long the body could last without food. Obviously I never succeeded. Probably because Dad brought home McDonald's the following Sunday.

After I left home, whenever I would walk through Mom's door, the offer of food, conversation, company and support was always there. Always.

Food accompanied me through good times and bad. Then I became independent and started hiding, hoarding it and eating alone. I bought my junk food at different stores so no one would know the problem I had with food. I hid snacks in my closet. You know you are in trouble when you start using food to fill a void.

Was I subconsciously trying to recreate the comfort that food always provided? Was I using food to numb my feelings and fill the void? Did I use food as a reward? As a consolation?

Yes.

They say the first step is admitting it to yourself. "Hello, my name is Colleen. And I am a foodaholic."

I don't know where I will go from here (even though I know where I need to go). I will start at the beginning. I will admit my powerlessness over food. I will admit I use food in a fashion it was never meant to be used. I admit I eat too much, too often and for all the wrong reasons. I will allow myself to delve into that first step of admitting my powerlessness and I will move onto the second step.

Hmmm ... I started writing this post in a tongue in cheek, humorous kind of way. Then I let my fingers fly across the keyboard and I have realized I may be onto something here. It isn't about cleansing, deprivation and eating in a Whole30 kind of way. It is about getting to the bottom of the relationship I have with food.

Food, I am so over you. You hold far too much power over me and I resent you for that. I don't know exactly where I will go, but this is where I will start. I need to redefine my relationship with food. I have a feeling that is not as simple as it sounds...

Doing the Hard Things

Each Sunday night, I glance at the week ahead and make a mental note of all the "hard things" I have to confront in the week that follows. My Monday morning mantra consists of something like "Only five more days...". I don't follow that thought with the actual words "until the weekend" but it is how I live my life.

What a sad state of affairs for a 57 year old adult. To admit that my life has not grown past the school child's view point of counting down days until the weekend. So instead, I have slightly rerouted my thoughts to tell myself "Only three hard things..." to do before I get to coast within a hard work week. Which is NOT hard. It's just me. I know this.

Yesterday was a big one.

Washing my hair, a doctor's appointment, working off-site and mentoring another bookkeeper type person through the books that have been taken off of our plate and put onto hers, which was followed by the need to buy groceries on my way home at the end of my work day.

I left the house around 8:30 a.m. and got home sometime in and around 8:30 p.m.

I felt a little bit like a wet dish rag at times but mostly I felt a little bit invigorated as I mentally stroked each one of these "hard things" off of my to-do list. Taking on the day one hard task at a time, I found myself inching my way out of the doldrums I have been resting in this past long while.

One hard thing at a time.

My definition of "hard things" has changed. Hard things are things like:

• getting out of bed
• making my lunch
• tending to cat chores
• taking out garbage/recycling
• brushing my teeth
• tossing a load of laundry into the washing machine

I am happy to say I have added a few extra hard things onto my list and so far (four days in) I'm taking on one or two more hard things per day. 

• exercising
• vacuuming before I exercise so I don't come out of the experience spitting cat hair
• writing

Yes, writing has become hard. I hope to resume my previous habit of writing each and every day. Even if it is only a little. A small habit, repeated becomes a better life (as long as the habit is a positive one).

I need to incorporate cleaning into this new positive habit forming lifestyle I am trying to rebuild. But hey! Rome wasn't built in a day.

This morning, my additional "hard thing" to do, was to clean the bathtub. I was a tiny bit certain that a bad run of bathtub cleaning products that I didn't like was the beginning of the end of having a clean tub. A bad spray nozzle. A foul smelling product. The inability to empty three almost empty bathroom cleaners. The repetitive nature of the job. Cleaning a tub is a little like making a bed. Why bother? It's just going to get used again.

But after acting on an impulse to purchase the bathroom cleaner my aunt's housekeeper specifically requested, I finally (six months later?!) bought this lovely product:

With this (even lovelier) feature:

It sat unused in the bathroom cupboard for a few weeks before I took it on its maiden voyage this morning. And the job didn't hurt a bit. If I still like it after the can is empty, I may add one more positive new thing to my new, renovated life. 

Does anyone out there have any tips, tricks or products that alleviates some of the pain of housecleaning? If so, please let me know. I need all the help I can get.

One hard thing at a time. I may be able to find who I used to be in here somewhere.

Exercise First!

In keeping with yesterday's post and theme, here is a picture of the way my morning has started:

Yes. I did it. I found some Beachbody exercise videos with Debbie Sieber on YouTube. Debbie Sieber's DVD's were my initiation into early morning exercise habit a decade or more ago. So when I found her and tried out one of her core busting routines yesterday [note to self: "Your core is busted!"], I knew she will be part of my way back home.

Yesterday's trial run at exercising in the living room was a good start. I found out where I'm at and know I have a long road ahead. "This" didn't happen overnight. So it won't change quickly or easily. All I can do is start to reinstate some good habits back into my life and be satisfied that I am doing the next right thing. One day at a time.

So the second thing I did, was decide to make some homemade chicken soup with the leftover chicken bones from Christmas.

It was easy to throw the bones into a pot and simmer lightly all afternoon. One quick text to my son who was at work (he works in the produce department of a nearby grocery store) and all I had to do was wait for him to come home and our soup would be a peel, chop and a boil away from completion.

I thought my intention was clear. What do you think? How much celery would you have picked up if you received this message? This is what my son came home with:

Two "bunches" of celery. I moaned with the idea of so much celery in the house. He said, "If you would have said 'two sticks of celery', I would have known what you meant."

He disappeared downstairs momentarily and googled the term "stalk of celery" to find out he was right. I knew I had been calling one "stick" of celery a "stalk" for as long as I have had the need to describe an amount of celery. So I had to double check his facts:

"We were both right!" I gleefully announced. We chuckled at the miscommunication as the soup with all its added vegetables started to simmer and finish cooking on the stove.

I was quite hungry by this time since I had not snacked the afternoon away. So I decided to snack on celery and dip as a first course to our chicken soup supper. It sounded so good that my son decided to go for some peanut butter on his celery.

I ran out of chips three days prior and I have missed the sensation of something crunching between my teeth, so the celery provided some satisfaction as I snacked on my rabbit food before supper.

The excess celery in our home may end up reinforcing a good snacking habit. But honestly? The first thing I thought when I saw so much celery in one eyeful was to send out the message, "Caesar's anyone??"

Since I don't have vodka or clamato juice OR any of the required seasonings to make a Caesar in the house, I think we'll stick with salad dressing and peanut butter to help alleviate our excess celery.

One good habit at a time. It's all a person can do. I'm starting "Day 2" and feeling better already. The universe is helping me along. Two bunches of celery did not walk into this house on their own. It was meant to be.

Exercise first. Write second. And in the writing, I had an opportunity to relay a silly little story to remind me that laughter is a very important ingredient in living a good life. I feel better already...

Wake Up Call

This "habit" to keep moving in the mornings is starting to feel hard.

I took off the weekend. I figured two days off, after being true to myself and my promise for six days straight deserved a reward. So I "rewarded" myself and stayed asleep instead of moving.

Then came "Monday". I didn't feel like doing really hard things but I knew it was important to keep moving forward and through the paralysis of inertia. Being "still" is so much easier than waking up and moving. So I turned on a YouTube exercise video and exercised. It was a half hearted attempt but every time I started to beat myself up because I was not putting my whole body and soul into the work at hand, I kept telling myself "This is better than sleeping. You are moving. This is better than being still. This is enough for now."

Then came "this morning". I woke up before my alarm and thought I couldn't do it. I was ready to turn over and go back to sleep when I heard a faint "beep" "beep" "beep" from right outside my bedroom door.

I parked the non-functional exercise bike right outside my door several weeks ago. And there it "slept". Until this morning. "Beep" "Beep" "Beep" it called out. It didn't make one peep the entire time I cleaned, fiddled with and rode it. Silence. Pure and utter silence. Then, the morning I decided that maybe I wasn't so into this whole idea of "moving", it called out to me.

I found where the batteries were located and removed them. Since I was up and about anyway, I decided to find a short Zumba workout on YouTube. It was twenty five minutes. I was tired and lethargic. But I did it. I got up and moved.

I am at a crucial point in forming this new habit. I could quit right now and never look back. Thank goodness for malfunctioning electronics. This mysterious beeping pulled me out of my lethargy and into some form of motion this morning. I may have to do this on my own tomorrow but for today, I am grateful for the wake up call.

Steps in a Forward Direction

Ahhh, "hard things" have been done. I have kept my promise to myself and done some "extra curricular moving" six out of the past six days. I have washed my hair. I have done a load of laundry. I have made my son's "sixth last lunch" of his public school career. Now I get to sit down with my coffee and enjoy this early (but late) Friday morning sensation before my daycare crowd starts filing in.

What have I learned this week?

Getting up at 4:52 a.m. is possible and an easy habit to form. This works best if I get to bed around 8:00 p.m. Is this goal attainable on a long term basis if I allow "real life" (i.e. friends and a social life of any sort) to join this move to regain some of my physical fitness?

Washing my hair is still the hardest job I have on my must-be-done list. This is crazy. I would rather mow the lawn than wash my hair. I would rather sift tree debris out of the sand box than wash my hair. I would rather exercise than wash my hair. I would rather clean a closet than wash my hair. I think I need an "easier to maintain" look if I am going to continue down this "fitness" route. Moving in a fashion to challenge my body may require sweating. I hate sweating. It is uncomfortable and icky. And it requires a shower and washing my hair. Yes, I think I need to try to work out some deal with my hair.

Exercise, like writing is FREE. I have expended no extra cash outlay in this challenge to move myself more. Other than an up and coming appointment to get my hair cut (which was going to happen regardless), the only extra expense I can foresee is some hair product to help me manage the mane on my head without spending a half hour taming it into submission.

I am not certain but I am pretty sure that I am feeling happier than I did without this morning goal of pushing myself out of bed with a mission to move. Laying in bed wishing it was Sunday six days out of seven is not a good way to live a life. I haven't wished it to be Sunday morning all week. I haven't given myself enough time to lay and mope about the fact that it is not yet Sunday. I just get out of bed one foot at a time. And move. And this is good.

Has this early morning unclogged my word source? Has it motivated me in any other facets of my life? Am I thinking clearer and more focused? Am I meeting the challenges in my day in a more positive manner?

Rome wasn't built in a day, nor does lasting transition happen by changing one action for six days. But I can say that I can see a slight change for the better in "all of the above".

These are small steps. But they are steps in a forward direction. I just have to keep moving. One step at a time.

Putting on the Miles

I am finally starting to give my Fitbit a little bit of a run for its money. "Walk" may be the better way to phrase that but "movement" is key. I am only three days in but I'm doing it. I'm on the move again.

I started on a Sunday which is a minor miracle in and of itself. Thanks to hearing my sister say (once, most likely twenty or thirty years ago) that she always started [whatever she set out to do] on "Monday". I heard it once and I adopted that motto as my own. That is why starting something on a Sunday is so amazing to me.

It was already warm outside by the time I made my mind up to start moving. But I moved anyway. I called my cousin to see if she would like to join me but (I found out later) she was already out walking her dog (and much smarter than me, because she returned before it got too hot outside). I walked anyway. I set a goal of walking for an hour. And that is exactly what I did.

I vowed there and then that walking when it is cool outside is key. Starting the day out by walking sounded like a perfect habit for me to start. So when my alarm went off at eight minutes before five o'clock Monday morning, I hopped out of bed and was out the door by 5:01 a.m. I was home shortly after 6:00 a.m. and sitting outside with the cats shortly thereafter (they seem to think if I get to go out and play in the morning, they should be able to do the same).

I sat outside, wrote Mom a letter and by the time my daycare day began I felt like I had sufficient "me" time and I was ready, willing and able to face the day. Having done "hard things" first thing in the morning, I seemed to be mentally capable of tacking the day head on and game to add a few more "hard things" onto my plate.

I initiated a little bit of communication and was rewarded with a most excellent visit when one person responded to my email by phoning me. It has been a challenge simply responding to emails and picking up a ringing phone lately, so to actually be the one initiating contact is a very big deal. I stepped outside my comfort zone and invited people in. It is small but it is so big for me right now.

I submitted my columns while the kids slept yesterday and got that monumental task off my plate for another month or so. In doing so, I made the decision to "just keep writing" after all the back and forth and conflicted feelings I have been having about that lately. Not only that, I plan to start amassing some of my writing together in one place and seeing if I can organize it into something interesting.

I culled through my closets (the downfall of moving my bedroom is that I ended up with two closets) on Sunday and ended up with MORE clothes than I started with. How could this happen you ask? That would be due to the fact that my sisters have been dropping off  some clothes I may be interested in keeping which has resulted in a rather massive excess. I tried to get rid of as much as I kept but I'm not sure if I succeeded. None the less, I have sorted through my closets and drawers and have two bags of donations left over. Not bad for an hour's work.

I haven't made the time to cull through more than my clothes, though I did fill another big bag with toys that are never played with. Fifteen minutes at a time. Small steps. Steps in a forward direction. Anything at all is better than sitting still and doing nothing.

My "nothing", wind down and recharge time is still vital to my existence. So last night, when I had done all that needed to be done I ceremoniously climbed into my pajamas and fell asleep shortly thereafter. Waking up at 4:52 a.m. requires an early to bed time. My body was happy to comply.

I woke up before my alarm once again this morning and walked another hour before I set my morning routines into action. The cats insisted we sit out in the back yard again and they were happy to entertain me and keep me moving as I tried to convince both of them to come inside at the same time. I would catch one, put him inside then he would dart out and escape the minute I caught his buddy and tried to put him inside. It was a "whack-a-mole" game of Keep Both Cats In the House at the Same Time.

My Fitbit tells me I have logged seventeen miles since Sunday and the day is young. My body felt a little sluggish and tired this morning but the right muscles were complaining. My calf muscles were telling me they were "happy" to be put to use again. I'm gaining a blister on a callus on one of my bunions which could get ugly if I keep pushing it. My hands go numb when I walk so maybe I need to get a little "power walk" thing going, by raising my hands up to my waist level and do the "professional power walker move". My back is feeling weird but goes away when I walk so I guess it is telling me to "walk it off". I am very conscious about the fact I don't want to injure anything. I just want to get moving and get my heart pumping a little faster.

Other than those few minor body ailments, my head is feeling happier and healthier. My thoughts are feeling lighter, more positive and realigned with the stars.

I am only three days in to this minor life renovation but it feels so right, so familiar and so life affirming that I think I can do three more. Motion begets more motion. Action begets further action. Movement in any way, shape or form when you are coming out of a catatonic state of inactivity is a very good step in a forward direction. I'm going to keep following this path. It feels like it is going to head me in the right direction.

Then I came home to find my Tuesday morning email from "Project Happiness" sitting in my Inbox. How incredibly fitting.

 http://www.projecthappiness.org/project-happiness-blog/

What matters most is the spirit of the work. How are you spending your time? Is the way you're living your days in line with what's most important to you in your life?

"Go into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good." ~Minor Myer

Word Quota Exceeded

There is great value to writing things down. As I scrambled to assemble enough "column worthy" articles to submit this morning, I found myself reading through the archives of my mind and I was pleasantly surprised to see that my "follow through" on goals I have set is better than I thought it was.

I knew I had to push myself out of my head and into the world more. I recognized when I started to make the transition. I had one "date" per week written down on my whiteboard. Granted, two of three of those dates were appointments, but the way it had been hurting to leave the house I knew even making appointments was important and worthy of recognition.

Then I lived the past week.

My son came over for a Sunday supper. Not a big deal for most people, but for me it was huge. I don't like to cook. When I do, it is under duress. But I assembled a no-stress, easy peasy, family favorite (spaghetti and meat sauce) and the meal was all it needed to be. It was an excuse to sit down at the same table and talk.

Two days later, my sister and her husband needed a place to stay so they were close to the hospital where he was having early morning day surgery. One thing led to the next and the next thing we knew, my sister spent two more nights here. She was an incredibly easy guest to have about and having another adult to bounce my words off of, at the end of my day was a gift. I thought I was out of words. It turns out, I was just out of "ears". Thanks, sis!

I spent one night alone and the day following that, I ran out to see Mom. The thought of sacrificing my much anticipated alone-time, to spend it travelling and visiting felt daunting at first. But that soon evolved to gratitude and appreciation when I saw how happy Mom was to have me show up on her doorstep.

I came home to column deadlines and life-as-I-knew-and-expected-it. How lucky is that?

A person plans, makes appointments, sets little goals each and every day. It seems tedious, repetitive, thankless and never-ending. But when a week unfolds pretty much like you expect it to, you are beyond lucky.

As I wiped three to-do-items off the white board last night I quietly thought "Thank you". I'm simply grateful for the tedium which is my life, that allows life to unfold just the way I hoped it would when I wrote those things down.

I'm grateful for the seeds which have been planted as I wade my way through Brené Brown's "Living Brave" course. I am starting to run behind and after watching the video portion of the lesson I have walked away and come back to do the exercises when I have time. I hastily answered her questions a few nights ago because I cannot stand to be two lessons behind and it was as if she was sitting there on the other end of my computer reading as I typed. Her final words of advise after this particular lesson was "do not rush through this course". You want these lessons to seep "into your bones" and become second nature to you. I berated myself for rushing my way through. Until I reread my recent blogs. My answers to the questions within my course have been written into my blog posts and they have penetrated my conscious mind.

I'm doing better than I thought I was. Perhaps my healthy eating and living goals have fallen by the wayside as I tend to the clutter which is my life, but I can come back to those. Or maybe, just maybe these little fitness goals are seeping into my bones more than I realize. Big, drastic changes that happen over night are hard to maintain. Small, imperceptible changes which you don't see until you look back and compare yourself to where you are to where you were are more life-altering.

Bit by bit, I hope I am changing my world. It feels a little better already. I may not be there yet, but I believe I may be on my way.

This is the inspirational quote I woke up to this morning - I think I may have accidentally stumbled onto "The key to life", just by living it as I do!

First Order of Business

The time is coming. But it is not today.

My new Fitbit (A new device that contains a 3D motion sensor that accurately tracks your calories burned-steps taken-distance traveled and sleep quality) is talking to me but it is really not telling me anything I didn't already know.

I don't move enough to burn off the calories I consume in a day. Something must change. It has to be me. 

First order of business must be to consume all of the junk food in the house. Then move forward from there.

P.S. Apparently I have gained 2.3 pounds since I aquired my Fitbit four days ago. I think I'm doing something wrong here. Any guesses?

This is a Test. This is Only a Test...

I have worn my new "Fitbit" wristband for one day and I have the stats of my life-as-I-live it. It isn't all bad news but I think I may just be able to make a game of living a little bit healthier. I wrote a little blog about it over at MyKawartha.com:
http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6269359-this-is-a-test-this-is-only-a-test-/

This is a Test. It is Only a Test...

Well, I did it! I took the plunge and got myself a Fitbit Charge. Well, in reality I actually bought the "Flex" first but I didn't realize it didn't have a display. So I spent all of my after supper hours making that exchange, then dealing with syncing my new Fitbit to the computer. That is a story unto itself. More technical difficulties that the Fitbit help centre could not help me with (their answer was to return it to the store, but eventually I figured it out on my own). Another three and a half hours of my life eaten up with technicalities. But that is not the story I am here to tell. This is a story about my "control day" (it may become a control "week", I have not yet decided) as I dip my toes into a lifestyle of healthier choices.
The Fitbit stats from my first day are a tad skewed due to the four hours it was out of commission while I made my exchange then tried adding and syncing my new "Fitbit Charge" to the Fitbit dashboard. Even without that four hours (which most likely would have been spent sitting in front of the computer or television anyway), I managed to hit 8,679 steps. The "goal" is 10,000 steps per day and since I have already logged 707 steps this morning (and all I have done is get ready for my day), I think I may have hit the 10,000 mark before yesterday drew to a close.
My statement that I don't sit idle throughout the day is a true one. I have my Fitbit stats to prove it. The fact that most of those steps were considered "light" intensity, only a small percentage were "moderate" and none at all were intense is duly noted. We may have daycare dance parties and Patty Shukla "shake and move" songs instituted into our days more often.
I must admit that it was the sleep log that piqued my interest the most. I consider myself incredibly blessed to be able to log the sleep hours that I do. Sleeping is my all time favorite activity. It's crazy but it's true (I have visions of falling asleep on the couch in my room, then ceremoniously climbing into bed running through my head as I type). I fall asleep at the drop of a pin but I don't sleep through the night often. My stats for the past two nights are: "Awake 4 times; 24 times restless" and "Awake 2 times; 21 times restless". Time to fall asleep (both nights): 0 minutes. Sleep efficiency (for both nights) is 90%. I knew it! I am a pretty efficient sleeper. But I do have to wonder if adding more intense physical activities could improve that efficiency. Hmmm...
Then comes the calorie intake. I set a goal to lose ten pounds so my Fitbit tracker tells me when I have exceeded my calorie intake for the day in order to achieve that goal. I have already consumed 37% of my allotted calories for the day and all I have logged is my breakfast smoothie. Yesterday, I should have stopped eating halfway through my lunch. Obviously I didn't, so if I want things to change I obviously need to eat less. Or move more. Or a combination thereof.
This Fitbit isn't really telling me anything I didn't already know but it is making a game out of it. Do I want to exceed the goal of 10,000 steps? Yes! Am I encouraged to add a little high intensity into my steps? You betcha! Would I rather move more or eat less? Maybe a combination of the two. I like eating. Not quite as much as I like sleeping, but I often seek happiness within a can of Pringles. I don't believe in deprivation. But given a choice, I would choose sleep over food.
I may just need to start going to bed at noon in order to achieve my food intake goals, but if I move a little bit more maybe I can afford to stay awake long enough to see me through my work day.
I see a glimmer of hope here. I know I need to work a little harder at achieving my "optimum health goals". I don't have a retirement savings plan. My retirement plan is to work. I don't want to work forever, thus I really don't want to live a long, tired existence. Therefore, am I subconsciously sabotaging my own health in order to live a shorter life? Sounds like a depressing thought but it is there. The truth is, I quite likely will live to whatever age I am destined to live. My choice is: Do I want to live a long, healthy life? Or a drawn out meager existence, fighting the effects of the sedentary lifestyle I have adopted?
I may have to give up writing in lieu of a morning exercise routine. Maybe moving in the morning will inspire better writing material. I am not sure what the answer is but I know it is wise to ask the questions.
This is a control week. This is a week where I take note of what I am doing presently and question what should change. I hope this Fitbit challenge is exactly what I need to start to make a game out of moving more and eating smarter.
This could be the week that changes me. If I allow it. But for now, I need to fool myself into believing "This is a test. This is only a test ..."

You Know It's Going to be a Good Day When ...

You know it's going to be a good day when ...

... you open your eyes and this is the first thing you see!

You know it's going to be even better when you wake up to a personal email and feel like you shared your morning coffee with your brother ("Thanks, Bro! I enjoyed your visit very much.")

You know it's picking up speed when you get an email which has the potential to increase your earnings by "two daycare days" worth of income. (Thanks to a referral from one of my daycare moms).

You know you are on the right path when you are inspired by an "H20 Mop X5 Elite" paid advertisement as you greet the day. I believe I was meant to meet this mop in person, I have done my research and I may just invest in one today if all goes well.

You know an idea is one worth considering, when it still sounds as good as it did four days ago. Thanks to my nice little accumulation of reward points on my credit card, I am set to take the plunge and invest in a "FitBit Flex Wireless Activity & Sleep Wristband".

You know your day is going to be one of interaction with real, live, adult people when you extend a few invitations first thing in the day. And you get a response from "one of two" almost immediately, with the potential to add one more to the plans as the day goes along. 

Inviting people into my day means I have to get dressed. Using the reward points on my credit card means I have to leave the house to do so (my reward points don't work for on-line purchases). 

I came home from work last night and touched the computer keyboard only once, to check for emails. When I didn't find any, I ceremoniously walked away from the computer and spent the evening "unplugged". Almost. I brought my cell phone downstairs with me.

You know the day has the potential to be one of your best if you "unplug" yourself from the internet and cell phone connections and just have a day interfacing with people the old fashioned way. And that is just what I'm going to do (unfortunately, I am committed to bringing my cell phone along with me because I'm awaiting a reply for my supper invitation and hoping to hear back from "a guy who has a treadmill").

Because I need to start my days saying, "You know it's going to be a most excellent day when you wake up and start moving again!"

I'm not sure where this day will end up, but I know I will feel better at the end of it because I am walking away from the computer now.

Signing out, signing off and having an "Unplugged Sunday" now!

Here are just a few more photos that make my heart smile:

A shoestring is a perfect cat toy - one cat runs off with the string in his mouth; the second cat runs and chases it!

That is ... until "one of the cats" decides to hog the string (note the string peeking out from underneath "Jet"??)

Snow gazing together, on a day where the snow lightly falling was a perfect Christmas card moment.

"My box! Go get your own." Yes, there was an identical box sitting right beside this one. 

Resting from a hard day of playing with shoestrings. One couch per cat. This is the picture of "Sunday" in our home.

Happy Sunday to You!!

Inspired to Move

I love what a new friend and fresh conversation can bring into my world. I was introduced into the world of "Fitbit" last night and (I hope) my world may never be the same again. I wrote a little blog about it over at MyKawartha.com

http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6263306-inspired-to-move/

Attainable Goals

I am not big on setting New Year Resolutions or setting myself up for failure by setting goals that are out of my reach. But I'm all for setting "Attainable Goals" and adding onto that as I go along.

I wrote a little blog about it over at MyKawartha today: http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6244444-attainable-goals/

Holidays - Day #4

It is Tuesday. It still feels like a Sunday. The holiday pixie dust is working its magic. I feel ... light.

I like the holiday pace of my world. I am simply succumbing to my body and mind's cues and letting them direct me wherever I need to go.

Yesterday, in and around 1:00, I started to feel waves of exhaustion hit me. It took me a few minutes but I eventually reminded myself "You are on holidays! You can do whatever it is that you want/need to do!"

So, I reclined on the love seat, turned on the TV and the next thing I knew, I was waking up to Dr. Oz telling me the 'Ten Tips to Longevity'. His original question was "Would you like to live to 100, if you were healthy and your brain was still functioning well?" My thought was an instant, "NO!" I cannot afford to live off of my 'retirement savings' (aka: work income) that long. I do not want to work to age 100! Puh-lease!!

But I listened to him anyway because as long as I do exist, I do want to be healthy, hearty and have a brain that runs on all cylinders.

Do you know one of the 'Top Ten'? "Nap! - it lowers your stress levels" Yee-haw!! That one is easy. I do it all of the time!!

Do you know another one? "Go to bed one hour earlier every night"- now, if you keep doing that every single night, I don't know exactly when you would have time to be awake but .... I have that one down pat as well. My bedtime of 8 to 9 p.m. serves me well.

Another? "Laugh (at least 20 times per day)" - I love to laugh. I am drawn to people and situations that are light and easy. Just what I need! Doctor's Orders directing me to find humor within my day. I like this medication!

He also tells you to "Eat purple foods"- it helps keep your brain connections 'connected' and each side of the brain talking to each other. Apparently purple candy does not count, but red wine does. If I add wine to my day I am not certain just how I will manage to stay awake long enough to get what has to be done in a day. But I'm thinking that life could look much more humorous if I had a glass of red wine with breakfast. I could add it to my morning smoothy (do you think my daycare parents would approve?).

He had more but I don't remember them. I need to eat more purple foods so that I can retain this train of thought and wisdom that the good doctor so kindly shared with me as I woke up from my life-affirming snooze.

On that note, I must move forward with this day. I have car keys to drop off and a book to tend. I am not making the progress that I had hoped to make but I am not letting that stop me in my tracks. If one chapter is not working for me, I have been putting it aside and working on another. If that one doesn't work, I have started the editing process. This time, I have started from the end of the book and I am working towards the middle. I am not quite sure how that will work for me but I need to find a strategy that helps me rewire my brain to find that-which-I-have-not-yet-seen before. Maybe I should have a glass of red wine to help me with that...

If you wish to find the remaining six items on Dr. Oz's Longevity check list, you can do so right here: Dr Oz's - longevity checklist. Or you can rip a page out of my book and stick to the 'top four' on that list if you can't afford to live into the turn of your next century. Your choice.

Happy Tuesday! Make it your mission to laugh (at least) twenty times today.

Little Injustices

I don't think that I have worked at anything as physically demanding as the job that I have right now ...

I have delivered papers. I pulled/carried/delivered papers for up to four routes. I walked through rain, sleet, snow and ice. But the job was complete within an hour or two.

I babysat. I carried, rocked, lifted and tended to the needs of many. We walked anywhere we wanted to go. I pushed strollers, pulled wagons and held hands. My work day was long but the physical demands were spaced out throughout the day.

I have exercised. I devoted time and energy to keep physically fit. It had a defined start and end. Often about an hour. The end. Then I went on my merry way.

I have danced. Private lessons were a half hour. Group classes were another hour and a half. Formation classes were an hour. Dancing for fun??? I never, ever got enough of that ...

I have worked around the house. I've done yard work, painted, moved furniture, scrubbed, cleaned and filled a day with housecleaning. Some days were more physically demanding than others and I haven't had one of those days in quite some time.

I have walked. I've put quite a few miles on these feet of mine, but having a defined destination put a beginning and an end to each trek. The only time that I ever walked to exhaustion was one time in my teens when we 'walked all day' for some walkathon.

But this job? I walk in the door and go straight to work. Filling shelves, pulling trolleys loaded with merchandise, packing up rack after rack after rack of baking, hauling the empty racks to the back and putting the various cookie sheets and baking trays back to where they belong, emptying garbage, helping customers and the list goes on. And on. I quite honestly don't stop moving for the duration of my shift.

I have been working at this job for about a month. Granted, the first two weeks were only weekend shifts, but since then I have worked three or four consecutive days. Add that onto my other job and I have had most of  my days accounted for. Okay, okay ... I just checked and I have had nine days off over the course of the past month. So I definitely have had my share of down-time. But, the point that I'm trying to make is that I have not been sitting at home and twiddling my thumbs. I have been busy. And when I haven't been busy, I have been content just to be home. I have not been over-eating. If anything, I am eating much less than I normally do.

The injustice of it all?? I have gained four pounds in two months. Four pounds!! And I've been doing more and eating less! What is with that??

I mentioned this to my doctor and she said that what I have been doing is not as good as exercise. "You will not lose weight that way" ... I don't even care about losing weight. I simply can't afford to gain two pounds a month.

Sometimes ... you do all the right things and the wrong things happen.

Life Renovations I

I wrote yesterday's post about renovating my life, hit publish and immediately started to find little ways to gut this life of mine and get back down to the basics.

The first thing that I decided was to walk to my 11:00 a.m. Zumba class. I wasn't sure how long it would take to get there but I knew that I had no time to lose. I got out the door by 10:20 and arrived with only moments to spare.

I love the thoughts that waft through my head when I walk. I was immediately transported back in time. Back to when I delivered papers before the city woke up. I was outside, getting exercise, enjoying the only quiet and solitude that I would know in those days and thoughts had a chance to free fall through my mind.

I need to walk with a purpose in mind. I have a very hard time ambling through the city streets. I like a destination or company. Or both. So when I got home I contacted a potential walking buddy in the neighborhood to see if she may be interested in meeting up and visiting as we walk to destinations unknown.

Forty minutes of walking; followed by one hour of Zumba; wrapped up with another forty minute (probably 45 minutes because I took a detour) walk home and all I could think of was what I wanted to have for lunch. I took enough money with me to enable a lunch break at the Tim Hortons that I walked past. I could have picked up a Slurpee. I could have stopped at any number of spots along the way to fulfill any craving that I may have had. And all I wanted was the chicken and vegetables that I knew that I had at home. Amazing!

The second part of my Life Renovation came to me as I was planning my walk to Zumba. I would start 'cleaning house'. Not necessarily in a Spring Cleaning type of fashion ... but more of an Out With the Old theme. It is time to clear the clutter from our closets, drawers and my mind. This would be Part 2 of my renovation plan ...

Except ... I was afraid that I may lose my momentum once I sat down and had my lunch. So before I finished cooking lunch, I sprayed the oven with oven cleaner so that I could not stop once lunch was over. And it worked!

The oven and stove are sparkling clean for the first time in about a year. I do believe that I may put up a sign which reads "For Your Viewing Pleasure Only - Please Cook Elsewhere!" And that is the very first thing that I did when my Second Son called to let me know that he and My Youngest were on their way home from the farm (they had been out mowing the lawn together and were coming home hungry). I fired up the barbeque and the sparking clean stove kept winking at me as I assembled the second healthy meal of the day. Outside.

After supper, I couldn't resist the kitchen appliances as they called out to me. Sure the oven was clean ... but what about underneath and around it?? I must pull it out and clean that as well. And I couldn't ignore the fridge once the stove was out. So the kitchen is clean in all of the places where no one looks. But I can feel it!

I feel the nooks and crannies of the kitchen are finally getting the attention they deserve. As I tended to that which is not seen around the house, I can feel a similar cleansing of my mind unfolding. As I worked and moved, the thoughts that had been hiding and taunting me came out into the open and I exorcised them as I worked. Small epiphanies and relatable situations of the past came to light.

Before I renovate my life, I have some housecleaning to do. First ... I must get rid of the dirt that is weighing me down. Next ... I must rid myself of the excesses and get back down to the basics. After the groundwork is laid ... I will see exactly what needs to be added.

I just have to keep the momentum going ...

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes.

~Agatha Christie

Ouch

I finally did it. I took my New Feet (orthotics) out for a real test. I went to a Zumba class last night.

First of all, I have not been to a Zumba class or exercised in any way, shape or form for over a year. I have added a new size to my body which my wardrobe budget cannot afford. Most of the excess poundage is situated between my waistline and my ankles. I find myself bending over like a pregnant woman due to the extra girth around my mid-drift. To say that I am not in the best form right now is a bit of an understatement.

So I packed my body into the clothes and shoes that I have on hand. I didn't feel pretty, but thanks to the stretchy material and elastic waistband at least I was comfortable.

I walked into the class with my expectations high. The formula that worked magic for me in the past would not disappoint. Music + people + movement = Joy.

Well? The formula wasn't quite the same this time around. The music didn't feel the same and work its magic. There wasn't a lot of interaction with the people around me. I talked with one person before the class started but when we found out that we work for the same employer the talk was more 'work' and less 'Zumba'. Work does not belong in a Zumba class.

Then there was the movement. A lot of the moves were new and alien to me. I wouldn't have realized that I remembered a thing until some more familiar steps were added. My muscles have a memory that my brain lacks. So there was a lot of brain work involved in keeping up.

Then there is the part where my body isn't quite as limber as it used to be. This wasn't terribly obvious until the stretching section at the end of the class. I don't bend and stretch the way I used to!

I worked up a sweat. I moved. I grooved (just a little bit). I went through the paces. My head wasn't in the happy place it always used to go when I went to a Zumba class. But it has been a year. I was over thinking and working hard just to keep up. Relaxation and fun just didn't enter the equation. Yet.

Then I came home and took off my shoes. Ouch! My New Feet hurt in new and improved ways. Instead of the gradual process of acquiring a corn on my middle toe (which used to take quite a while), I felt the instant discomfort of something (could it be a blister?) on the opposite side of the same toe. My left foot hurt. It never hurts. My toenails hurt. The ball of my right foot hurt. It hurt to wear socks!

I woke up this morning without any aches and pains in my body. But my toenails still hurt. Darn it all anyway!! These New Feet (orthotics) were supposed to be the answer to getting myself back into running shoes and moving again. Maybe it's the shoes ...

So I will take my meager 'budget' and stretch it further than I should. I will go and search for shoes that I can exercise in. The alternative is to exercise at home in my bare feet. But the orthotics will not work their magic if I am not wearing them. So I will see what a different pair of shoes can make.

My body will still be squeezed into clothes that are a size too small. But my feet? They must be happy. I want to come home with muscles that ache and feet that could go on for miles. I want to get moving again!!