Random Idea Day

It was exactly one year ago today when an incoming text from my middle child changed the trajectory of our lives forever. "Random idea for you to think about..." Perhaps my most favorite seven word combination of all time.

I love the presentation of an idea that is worded in such a manner. It allows the person on the receiving end the freedom to consider, to ponder and wonder. No pressure - just some food for thought.

Random idea. A lovely phrase. I believe that is what I like best about sitting still with my own thoughts. The freefall of ideas that come to a person while in the shower, out for a walk or gazing off into the sky without the diversion of real-life thoughts. Random ideas can be nurtured or left alone. 

The words "random idea" conjure up all the best of the best transitions within life as I have lived it. The standout moments of my life were all planted with the seeds of random thoughts. 

In a world which has been dictated by pandemic restrictions, ethnic biases, viral propaganda spreading skewed information to purposefully sway opinions, I truly believe Random Idea Day should be an international holiday. If all information was spread in a manner in which one was simply invited to ponder without spreading fear, hate and bias I believe it could change the trajectory of where we go from here.

Setting Intentions

Yesterday morning, I accidentally set my intentions for a day I didn't believe was going to unfold. Little did I know at the time, my day followed a completely different course than I expected. Was it because I wrote out my wish list for a "life of ease" I hope to attain one day? Or was it simply the luck of the draw?

I knew I had some dirty work to do first thing in the morning so I climbed into clothes that were one step away from being in the laundry hamper. I dressed for the task and did more than I expected to do. Was it because I was dressed for the job? Or did life just happen to work out that way?

I was motivated and excited to have accomplished more than I expected and I silently wished for a few more hours to follow the momentum of the morning. The phone rang and I was told I didn't have to go into work. Devine intervention? Or just plain luck?

I didn't set any records and accomplish any great feats. I simply took one forward step at a time, crossed a few more tasks of my mental to-do-list and eventually sat down with a late morning breakfast and one final cup of coffee.

Sitting down broke my momentum but it didn't stop my thoughts. I checked out names, numbers and prices for the outside maintenance which must be done this year. I didn't let any moss grow beneath these intentions and immediately started calling and inquiring. I had my first estimate a few hours later; second one is coming tonight; and a third is scheduled for tomorrow morning.

I vacuumed invisible dirt and not quite as invisible cat hair with the excess time and energy I had on my hands. After three consecutive days of vacuuming and wet mopping the laminate flooring, I can finally walk throughout the house and not end up with socks that look like cat hair slippers on the bottom.

I sent out a brief email, I scribbled notes along my way, I found myself following the outline of the "Life of Ease" I had written about as yesterday dawned. In short, my goals are:

1. Tame a wild rabbit or two
2. Register for some university courses
3. Set out and discover places within our fair city to simply sit back and watch nature unfold before my eyes
4. Explore our province
5. Set small goals each day
6. Read
7. Turn off all electronics, televisions and phones for a set time frame every day
8. Search for ways to keep connected to the people within my world
9. Take notes along the way so I will remember to write about the small stuff

I wrote these points at 8 a.m. By 9:00, I had received the call telling me I had the day off. By 11:30 I was lining up estimates. I had put in a good day's worth of accomplishments before noon. I had done "Six Impossible Things Before Lunch". 

Setting intentions is key. Morning is where it is at for me. How my day begins sets the tone for the hours that follow. 

It feels good to wake up to the morning sun beaming in my bedroom window. I need to get in the habit of setting those intentions before my feet hit the ground in the morning. Or better yet, I could follow Mom's example and go to sleep mapping out a plan for the next day. 

"Yes, Mom. I hear you. I will try to follow the example you have set."

Invitations

I have frittered away a perfectly good Monday at home, going back in time. I have no idea what triggered my train of thought. But once I was on the track, there was no going back to the present.

For some reason, I started thinking of the potential for our high school to have a 40 year reunion this year. The one and only reunion I have attended was our 35th. It was uncomfortable and sort of icky for a while (until a glass of wine started to take hold), but the best part of that reunion was the junior high school friends I rediscovered as I perused the guest list for friends I hoped I would see.

None of those junior high friends attended the reunion but what happened instead, was a re-unioning of friendships from long ago as I discovered these people via whatever means I had at hand. Facebook messaging led to texting which eventually led to a brunch in one case. A Classmates.com connection resulted in a coffee date in another case. Private messaging conversations in a few others.

I had the idea that re-uniting these junior high school friends the night before any up and coming high school reunion would be a great idea. Each person I know from those days has kept in touch with a few more people from our school. If each friend invited their friends and so on and so forth, it could be an interesting gathering.

But I digress. There is no indication of a 40th reunion in sight. That could change (if I get an invitation in the mail any day soon, I will be convinced I am psychic) but for the moment, I simply thought "we don't need a reunion to keep in touch". So I sent out a few messages.

One friend asked me to pass along a "hello" to a mutual friend. That friend responded immediately with a reciprocating "hello" and a request to ask the first friend to send a "friend request". I felt like a matchmaker! I may have been the catalyst to reuniting some old friends.

This little mini-event made me feel like all things are possible. Maybe we can reunite some school friends after all.

And there went my morning.

My morning reignited a flame within me which has been snuffed out over the course of the past several years.

I have lost my spark, my energy, my drive, my hope and faith that all good things start with an invitation.

I lost the ability to simply say "yes" to life's invitations for a very long while. Recently, I rediscovered the ability to accept an invitation. With conditions, while maintaining boundaries and enabling myself to play it safe while starting to say "yes" to life.

More recently, I issued an invitation. People said "yes". The event came and went and the aftertaste of the day was a good one.

So I have reached out one more time.

It took time. It took courage. It took strength. But most importantly, hope and the faith that "whatever will be, will be" will come of this invitation.

It might work. It might not. There is something important in knowing I tried.

I am regaining not only courage and strength. I am starting to rekindle "faith" once again. I will not fret over what doesn't come to pass. I will celebrate the rebirth of my ability to invite people back into my life again.

Anything is possible, when you simply "ask". 

Stepping Back Into My Field of Dreams

I have been missing in action over here for the past while and I have finally put some words to just a little of what has been going on within this happy little mind of mine.

I don't know if this "happy" has come from finding "17 Ways to Build My Courage" or if completing Brené Brown's "Living Brave" course has rerouted my thoughts or if it is simply "sitting out in the sun" again that has me looking up and out of this tired little world. But something is working!

I wrote a little blog about it over at MyKawartha.com. Please come join me and a way back into finding your dreams too! http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6523569-stepping-back-into-my-field-of-dreams/

Following My Heart

Be it ever so humble, I am so glad to be home.

Mom and I just returned from a four day holiday to visit my uncle (Dad's brother) and my cousin. It was a trip I feel I was destined to take.

From the time my uncle couldn't make it to our family reunion this past fall, I knew I wanted to go to him. When Mom had her own health concerns this past winter, I knew I wanted her to come along with me.

There were moments this past winter when I didn't know what our future would bring. I just knew I wanted to dream past the moment and invite Mom along for the ride. I wanted her by my side when I followed that dream.

The "dream", was this trip.

I am quite likely the last person on earth who should be spending their money so "foolishly" on things I cannot hold onto.

But as our house is filled to overflowing with "things", I know for sure that I do not want to invest in material belongings. I want to invest in my future. And at this very moment in time, my future feels dependent on doing the right things right now.

I came home from our trip, tallied up the expenses and (as always) there is enough sitting in my bank account to cover what I just spent.

I added my Las Vegas trip onto this Ontario trip and I see that I could have most likely bought doors and a living room window with the money I spent. I could have spent that money on something tangible and real. And something our house really could use. But I know in my heart of hearts, I invested my money wisely.

I invested in "the present".

Right now, right at this moment, I had the opportunity to invite my sister and my mom along on my little "adventures". Life can change in a New York Minute. These opportunities don't last forever.

Right now, right at this moment, my uncle is here and (hopefully) at a place where he appreciated and enjoyed some company from "home".

Mom has said on numerous occasions, that Dad's brothers are like brothers to her. This particular brother (my uncle) and Mom have a friendship that transcends "all". I think he knows Mom in a way no one else does. I think it was important for them to see each other and talk with no one else around.

Our family is having another reunion within days and my uncle and my cousin are planning to attend. We would have seen them anyway. But we wouldn't have had this opportunity to visit. Not the way we just did.

This was the right thing to do. I know it with every fibre of my being.

I heard some hesitancy within Mom's words in the weeks that preceded our departure. I thought she wanted to back out. This would not have been right, if it had not been Mom's choice to join me. But in the end she told me "Let's just go ahead with 'Plan A' ". And we did.

I asked her on our way home if she was glad we went. She said she was. I believe her.

When you feel something strongly, go where that feeling takes you.

When doors open easily and help you make your way without obstacles or detours, let that be a sign that you are headed in the right direction.

Follow where your heart takes you and prepare to be amazed.

Look ahead and enjoy the view. We just never know where the next road may take us ...

Sitting in the back seat, looking at the back of my uncle and Mom's heads, I had the feeling of being a little kid,
tucked safely in the back with Dad at the wheel and Mom at his side,
this view was one I had felt and seen before...

When You Know Where You Are Going...

Do you ever feel like you should do something but don't act on it? But the times you do act, you absolutely know without a doubt that it was the right thing to do? Me too!

So I took what life has taught me and set a plan into action.

The idea has been in the back of my mind for six months. I made a proposal to Mom and asked her to join me when she was in the thick of her medical worries this past winter. I needed to think out and beyond the present and bring her along with me. So I asked.

A few weeks ago, she mentioned that idea once again. This time, her sister asked her if she would consider the idea. Her answer was, "Actually, I have been thinking of doing [exactly what  you just suggested]."

Monday morning, the right set of thought waves set a plan into action.

Step #1. Ask for the time off. I needed two days attached to the lonely holiday Wednesday on July 1st. By the day's end, my wish was granted.

Step #2. Find a means to get there and a place to stay. I checked online and found my answers.

Step #3. Contact those on the destination end of my plans and see if the idea was feasible. Once again, I received my answer by the day's end.

Step #4. ACT!!

And that is exactly what I did.

I set the date, the place and the time. I reserved our rooms. Then I called Mom, gave her this information and all she had to do was to say, "Yes". And that is exactly what she did. A quiet, firm and without hesitation "Yes!"

Mom and I are flying out to see my uncle on July 1st. The flights are booked, the accommodations are taken care of. The details are minute.

We are going.

Mom said, "YES!"

Sometimes in life, we just need it to be as easy as saying "yes" or "no". We need someone else to take care of the details.

I'm a detail person. I can do that.

This feels as right to me, as it did when I surprised Mom on Mother's Day weekend with a quick trip out to her place to take her out for supper.

It is the right thing to do.

I wavered for a millisecond yesterday and then I reread the last sentence of the quote I posted yesterday morning. "... When you know where you are going, the universe will clear a path for you." ~ Iyanla Vanzant

Well Universe, we did our part. I have faith that you will keep your end of the bargain. Because we are booked and we know where you are going. All we need from you is a clear path.

"Thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter!"

The Fine Art of Gifting

Some people have a knack for buying gifts for others. I'm not one of those people.

I have become so very jaded in this whole gift exchange tradition that seems to go hand in hand with this time of year. 

It feels so very wasteful (to me) to give and receive gifts which will be shelved, regifted, donated or never appreciated in the manner in which they were given. 

When helping my Oldest Son pack up his house when he moved, I was dismayed to find gifts I had given him collecting dust in his basement. Unopened. Unused. Unappreciated. 

One of those gifts was a mailbox (with mail inside of it). If I remember correctly, his 'true' gift was inside of an envelope within that very mailbox. The mailbox was just a creative 'box' to  hold the gift within. When I mentioned this to him years after I found his unopened mailbox he was surprised to hear there was a gift within the gift. He chuckled and said it probably got thrown out.

Last year, my Youngest Son wanted to give something to his older brother. I knew space was of the essence within my Second Son's new home so I suggested he shop for very practical items. There were a few frivolous items within his gift package but all in all, it was a gift for every room in their new home. Perfect! Or so I thought ...

I found several of those items sitting on the shelf in my basement a few weeks later.

My Youngest Son wants for nothing. When I asked him what he would like to open up Christmas morning, he told me there was a game for his PlayStation he would like. That day. That could be his Christmas gift. And it was.

There are no gifts for my children underneath the tree this year. I'm not doing this to be Scrooge. I'm doing this because I'd rather do as my Second Son suggested to his Older Brother: 

My Oldest seemed to adopt the tradition of giving after he received a gift so he could reciprocate 'in kind'. Which meant if he got a gift card for "X" amount of dollars from someone, he would turn around and give a gift card for the same dollar value in return. My Second Son said, "Why don't you keep your $50.00 and I'll keep mine and we will just say we bought each other a gift?"

Isn't this pretty much the case of much of the forced gifting which goes on this time of year? 

I resent the gifts I buy just because I am on the receiving end of an exchange of gifts. I try so very hard to turn that situation into a giving-from-the-heart gift instead of giving-from-the-credit-card. 

I spend far more words than money this time of year. I write Christmas cards because 'words' are my gift. There are probably some who think "Oh no! Here comes a wordy message from Colleen again". But hey! I didn't lose anything but the price of a stamp and the Christmas card (purchased on sale, after Christmas last year). 

The gift is in the giving. When you give from the heart, you receive just as much as you give. 

I share a piece of myself with every word I write. I feel like I have sat down and had a conversation with the person I have just written. 

I can't scrimp on words. I just can't. I have tried.

When I distributed the books I put together for Dad's family, I was unexpectedly surprised when family members asked me to sign the book. Anyone who knows me, knows the only thing in the world I 'simply' sign my name to is a blank cheque or credit card purchase. Everything else? Sorry. You get a pile of excess words.

A friend of mine (who also runs a daycare from her home) asked me if I give a gift to the parents of the children I babysit for. My immediate response was one simple word. "No". I was aghast. The idea had never crossed my mind. 

Until I remembered what I do instead of running out and buying something which may never be used. I put together a Christmas Yearbook for each of my daycare families. Filled with pictures, silly poems and a 'visual' of the year we just spent. Something which most likely will never get thrown out or shelved or be unappreciated. Because it comes from the 'right place', it doesn't even feel like a gift. It is simply sharing 'what I do best' with an appreciate audience.

I spent an extraordinary amount of time and effort putting together this year's Christmas gifts to my daycare family. I wrote (I hyjacked Dr. Suess's format) and illustrated (inserted, copied and pasted pictures) an ABC book specific to what and who I know my daycare family relate to. Our yearbook is jam-packed full of photos from the year, a cheesy poem, a 'letter' from me and (of course) some words to accompany each page of photos.

I feel very good about the end result. 

I love when my gifts cost more time than money. That is how I know I did it right.

But now I am feeling like my own family has been cheated. I don't know if the creative juices will come up something before the Big Day or not. Sometimes creativity and ideas pour out of me. Other times? Not so much. We'll see.

I am going to be so relieved to put the season of forced gifting behind me. I much prefer to give when the spirit moves me and I find a perfectly appropriate gift and idea. And simply act on it impulsively. 

I usually come through in the crunch. But sometimes I don't. If you are on my list, don't worry. I've checked it twice. You are on the nice list. But I'd rather give nothing at all, than to give something which has been forced. 

Some people have this whole 'gifting' thing down to a fine art. I am a small bit envious of you. But I'm not going to take that away from you. Because that is your gift. 

When I receive a gift, the gift is in the thought. The effort. The time. The mere act of giving. I don't even have to unwrap the present. I could simply hold an empty box filled with good intentions, wrapped up with a pretty bow and I would be grateful. 

Hey!! I think I'm onto my next big idea! An empty box filled with good intentions. Now that is my kind of gift.

Happy Gifting to All!!

The Spark of Creativity

My Youngest Son is taking a class in animation at school. He is in Grade 11 and this is the first class of this type he has taken.

Last night he showed me the stop-motion project he has been working on for about two months. It is just under three minutes long and if he hadn't explained different challenges and the time involved in making it as he went along, I can hear myself nodding and smiling and saying, "Wow! That is great!!" and walking away thinking I had done an effective (enough) parenting job. Simply by watching.

In fact, that is almost what happened.

I was running out the door and he said, "It's only three minutes - do you have time?" I wanted to run my errands and get back home as soon as possible so I just said "No, not now".

I knew I didn't want to rush through watching his production because I had a vague idea what it took to put this piece of work together.

We watched it together. He asked if I had any questions or any comments at all, so I asked if he could start it over again and tell me about the video as it progressed.

I think we spent at least a half hour together as I listened to the process of creating this little masterpiece.

Their assignment was seemingly simple. They had to create a model and give this figure the impression of movement by repeatedly stopping and starting a camera and putting it all together in the form of a video clip. It had to be thirty seconds to a minute long.

First of all, he had to come up with a concept. He designed his character and then made a movable model out of blocks for the head, body, hands, ankles and feet. These were attached together by drilling a small hole into the blocks then gluing twisted wires into the holes to create the movable arms, legs and neck. Then this was meticulously painted to correlate with the character he had chosen.

Then he created a story line and wrote a script. Each word his character would eventually say, would be correlated with a frame of this animation. His wood and wire character's body language and actions would have to match up with the script.

Then came the actual 'filming' of this character. The process of taking frame by frame pictures to put together into a format which would become a moving picture is beyond my comprehension. He added his own hand as a 'character' within the plot which made the process even more complicated.

His model kept coming apart and I cannot quite remember how many shoulder and ankle replacements his character underwent in the process of making this film. Not to mention the neck adjustment which he didn't notice his character needed as the wear and tear on the neck joint eventually became apparent as filming progressed.

Once the 'film' was finally complete, he added his voice to the character's motions to match the words with the movement of his animation.

Then there were the sound effects. He explained how he simulated the sense of hearing things from a distance, when his character walked away from the camera. He told me how he created the thud of his character walking into the camera. He showed me how he changed camera angles so he could remove his hand out of the scene without affecting the integrity of his storyline. Then again, how he moved the camera to simulate the vibration when 'the hand' hit the platform on the set.

Last, was the addition of music. Self-created music to go with the ebbs, flows and development of the plot. Yes, the music was an original score. He enlisted the help of a friend to create the exact mood he was after. He tried to create the music himself except he realized he doesn't 'have a beat' and when he put his own music to a metronome, his timing was all off. Who knew music writers had to think of such things as timing!?? I thought the timing was a natural part of the creative process. This was beginning to sound a lot like math.

He worked with his friend, telling him the feeling he had inside of his head. He pulled his own music out of his head with the help of this friend. He knew the mood he was looking for and he explained the effects that you don't even consciously hear because the music fits seamlessly into  story.

After he explained the whole process to me, he critiqued his work. Shadows where there shouldn't have been shadows. His hand made it into the bottom of the screen once because he didn't see it during 'filming' due to the toolbar on the bottom of the screen. His character's head becoming crooked before he noticed and gave him a neck alignment.

He explained the finer parts of the dialogue which went far above my head because I had never heard of this Marvel Comic character (which is coming to a theatre to us someday year soon). Then the music, sound effects and dialogue which was still part of the story-in-progress as the end credits rolled across the screen.

I was in awe of the multidimensional creative process to put this three minute animation together. What an exercise for the brain! It wasn't just creating a moving character. It was a scripted storyline, musically scored cinematic production of the Grade 11 kind.

I am certain I am still missing some of the finer nuances of this project. Even so, I am in awe of the process of putting the spark of an idea into a reality others can enjoy. It is that which one doesn't see, the creative process in motion, which intrigues and inspires me. When it all comes together in one seamless, fluid line called 'a song', 'a book', 'a commercial', 'a painting', 'a recipe', 'a monologue or speech or conversation', 'a movie' or any multitude of things we call art, my heart swells just a little.

To take a spark and turn it into something that may make one other person feel something, feel anything ... these are the ways we change our world. One Grade 11 student at a time. One person at a time. These are the ways we all impact the great big world around us.

If each one of us takes our own individual spark and ignites it in their own unique way, we could light up the world.

May you sparkle and shine today. When you don't feel sparkly and shiny, try to find that-which-makes-you feel a little sparkly inside. Laugh, cry, watch and feel your way through the day. Stop and listen to the music of your world. Sit still and gaze into the light which you are drawn toward. Follow the lead of your heart and let it take you where you most need to go.

 That said, I just realized that my favorite Christmas song of the year has subconsciously infiltrated my thoughts. "Here's to love, let us sparkle. Here's to love let us shine. If one by one, each spark would ignite, we'd sparkle with shimmering light." ~ Andrea Menard - Sparkle

 

Sleeping on It (and waking up rested)

The past two mornings, I have woken up to a brand new experience. I have no memory in between the time I closed my eyes until the alarm went off. And (and this is big!) I am in exactly the same position as when I fell asleep.

This whole snow-shovelling thing has wreaked a small amount of havoc on me. Not sore muscles (as one would assume for someone who has become as complacent as I have, when it comes to extra-curricular exercise), but more of a neck/shoulder strain and sore thumbs (it seems crazy to me, to have sore thumbs as a symptom from shovelling?!!).

The first two nights, after our winter descended upon us and my snow-shovelling-muscles got their first work out, I took some Robaxacet before I went to bed. Perhaps it is no surprise that I slept like a log those nights.

A medically induced state of slumber is not what I'm aiming for so I decided to start rearranging my pillows once again, to recreate the experience I had when I woke up from hernia surgery in the hospital. It was like a little piece of heaven. I woke up and my body was cradled and supported perfectly and I was completely comfortable (probably sedated and pumped up on a pain killer or two as well but I didn't think of that at the time).

The past two nights, I have managed to effectively recreate that 'cradled and supported' position before I fall asleep.

A neck support pillow cradles and supports my neck; a small wheat bag is tucked under the small of my back; and my body pillow (now flattened like a pancake from overuse) is folded in half and tucked under my knees.

My last memory the past two nights are of complete and utter comfort. My first memory of the past two mornings are realizing that I have not tossed, turned, woken up or stirred once throughout the night.

Amazing! This is better than Robaxacet (and ever so much easier on the body and cheaper!).

It is even more amazing how well I slept, considering what I did last night.

After supper and before I went to bed,  I booked a weekend trip to Vegas (with my sister) to go to see Dancing With the Stars in February.

We booked our flights, our hotel and bought our tickets for the event. Signed, sealed and delivered! It is amazing how easy it is to spend money without taking a step away from the computer. Perhaps a little too easy.

Or not ...

I was sending my brother an email right before I went to bed and as I was confirming the date and time of our arrival back home, I realized we were due to come home on the wrong day. YIKES!

I immediately went into hyper-correct-mode and thought I had to do something on the spot. Yes! There was a 24 hour number to call. Whew!!

Then I realized the wisdom of sleeping on it. There was no need to make a rash decision that late in the evening. We have a 24 hour window to adjust our reservation at no charge. Stop. Think. Confirm with my sister. Breathe. Sleep. Fix it in the morning.

I went to bed with this on my mind. Surprisingly, my heart rate was normal and I wasn't overly concerned. We have 24 hours. Better to sleep on it and come at it in a brand new day. Yes. This was the rational way to think.

It turns out either: A) I do 'rational thinking' better now or B) I have a severe sleeping disorder because C) I slept like a log last night!

I woke up with a calm, clear frame of mind. No need to panic.

When they say it is better to sleep on it, they are right. It is a brand new day and I am so relieved I didn't make any hasty choices last night.

Well, that is, if booking a weekend trip to Vegas and spending half of what my friend is paying for a week-long-cruise is not considered hasty.

My rule is: If it still feels like a good idea in the morning, it is the right choice.

The way I slept last night + the way I feel this morning  = A good idea (I didn't say smart. I just said good).

And that is the way last night rolled for me. How was your night??

Early Morning Thoughts

I love the thoughts I wake up with each morning. I am ecstatic when I allow myself to run with them before afternoon seeps in and steals my confidence.

Yesterday morning I had (what I thought was) a great idea. I ran with it. I wrapped it up. I addressed it. But 'life' did not allow me the opportunity to mail it.

Afternoon crept in and told me it was a silly idea. Why in the world did it sound so good five hours ago? Silly me!

I had talked myself out of following through.

One conversation in the morning stole my confidence. A second conversation in the afternoon gave my confidence back to me.

Perhaps that is the reason I enjoy quiet.

I think, left to my own devices, I (usually) can filter the 'good' from the 'bad' ideas. I like to talk myself down. I don't like to hand that power over to others until I am firm in the direction I want to go.

This morning, I woke up from a vivid dream and simply laid still and replayed the dream before I allowed the day to seep in.

The characters within the dream were an old school friend and an acquaintance from our home town. What resonated within me long after I woke, were the smiles and the absolute sense of 'happy' I felt running into these people-I-once-knew.

In my dream, I invited them into my world and they were so pleased to be asked. I awoke and was reminded of the four and a half decades of my life when I was the one sitting on the sidelines, just hoping to be invited 'in' to someone else's world.

The neat thing about my dream, is the characters within. The first names of my school friend and family acquaintance were the very same first names of the last two people I went out with. Coincidence? Subconscious thoughts? No correlation what-so-ever? Who knows?

I do know it inspired me to reach out to a group of friends I once worked with before my day officially began.

Early morning thoughts take me where I most-need-to-go that day.

Then again, my early brain isn't all it used to be.

Yesterday morning, I looked at the sweater/cardigan combo I had decided to wear for the day. I got dressed and the sweater (which was to go on, underneath the cardigan) was still hanging there. What the heck? I looked down and I had my bra and cardigan on. Nothing else. Thank goodness I saw my sweater still sitting there. What if I had opened the door dressed this way??

Perhaps there is a reason life intervenes and helps me decipher the good from the not-so-good ideas that start my day. Perhaps there is a reason I should have a mirror reflect what I am putting out into the world. Perhaps there is a reason for every little thing that takes us where we are destined to go. Perhaps I should have stopped writing two paragraphs ago.

Listen to your early morning thoughts. Look at the reflection of what you are sending out into your day. Trust you are where you are exactly where you are meant to be today.

Go out and make yourself smile today. Chances are, you will bring along a friend or two.

If I Invite Them...

I'm living my 'Field of Dreams' life once again ...

January 12, 2010 I wrote this:

"If I open it (a daycare) ... they will come"

"If I write it (a book, a blog) ... they will read it"

"If I ask (invitations to family and friends) ... they will come"

"If I believe it (working from home) ... it will (eventually) succeed"

"If I am living my life to the fullest ... people will join me on my adventure"

I am learning that if you live your life with intention - if you say you are going to do something, believe that you can do whatever you set your sights on, steer your life in a direction where you can pursue your dreams ... anything is possible.

Sometimes all it takes is for one person to take a step and commit to a dream ... and you find many others will come into your life and walk with you through your own personal Field of Dreams.

January 15, 2014 I wrote this:

Something deep inside of me sparked yesterday when I made one brave decision. That decision was to make a plan and then invite people along for the ride.

I made a few moves in a familiar direction yesterday. It rekindled the spark that led me down the path that I travelled during those years where I felt fearless and was fuelled by following through on small ideas.

Today (March 10, 2014) I write this:

It never ceases to amaze me. The cycles of life. I have looked back upon my life 'a year ago today' or 'five years ago today' or 'any amount of years ago today' and so very, very often I find that I am repeating a pattern. Some of them are good. Some of them are not.

The good thing about looking back and seeing that I was in a bad 'space' X-amount of years ago today, is that I know that I dug myself out of that spot and life felt that much better once I overcame the crisis-of-the-moment.

I've been digging myself out of a spot I found myself in quite some time ago. I didn't consciously make the decision to repeat history but that is exactly what I have subconsciously done.

I have made plans. I have investigated 'adventures'. I have instigated gatherings. I have booked tickets and rooms and resorts and simply invited people along for the ride. Do you know what I have found? A lot of people were ready to be invited...

One week ago today, I had an idea. Seven days later, sixty two people (and the number is still growing) have joined me for the ride. I keep hearing that everyone was 'ready' for this but needed someone to start the ball rolling.

"If I invite them ... they will come"

It feels good to be back. I am walking in my Field of Dreams once again.

Following the Beat of My Heart Once Again

I have dipped my fingers (and toes ... heck, I think my whole body is immersed) into approximately three family reunions; a spring getaway and a set-in-stone-end-zone for The Book Project. Thankfully these occasions are all separated by a season or two. Except The Book. The Book must be complete, out of my editing hands and into the hands of those who want it by this upcoming fall.

Deadlines are the only way that I get anything done around here.

Our Spring Fling getaway has taken on new life and we are lucky enough to add an aunt and a cousin to the mix. I think the new equation is going to equal FUN!

Our Summer Family (our immediate family) reunion has the potential to become more-than-we-expected. We have invited extended family into the mix. We may be lucky enough to have our family's Rising Star (who recently got a lead role in a movie that is being filmed in New York with other Hollywood names and faces!!) perform for us. That is, if he isn't too busy making movies ...

Our Fall Family (Dad's family) Reunion has taken on a life of its own. I threw the information out there and a few showed genuine interest so I said "Let's just do it!" and (I do believe that our family has 'sheep' somewhere in their lineage) where one leads, others follow. It has exceeded my wildest expectations. Not crazy-wild. But at least double what I originally thought.

Then there is the Summer 2015 reunion that is off in the distant future. I had thought that we may completely take that idea off the table but there are enough people saying "Let's still do it" or at least if we don't utilize the spot for my dad's side of the family, let's get Mom's side together. Maybe I should reserve two spots...

It is intoxicating being in the hub of this family communication. I literally sat at the computer desk all day. I sent off and answered emails. I made and answered phone calls. I sent and received texts.

I felt like an efficient secretary as I cleared through the chaos that took over the computer desk and kitchen table over the course of last week. I finally have notes and emails and information sorted into appropriate file folders. I do not have excessive 'windows' open on the computer screen. My brain waves are starting to correlate with the organization on my 'desktop'.

Once the frenzy of making this reservation is behind me, I can put up my feet and write a book. That is, if I don't start to plan every nook and cranny of my life.

I have been living a life of complacency for a few too many years. It feels good to be back in action again.

It all started with doing just one hard thing.

Follow the beat of you own heart today. Do the one hard thing that your heart and soul have been telling you to do. It doesn't have to be big. It just has to be something. Try it. And see where the momentum of that one step takes you ...

Do one 'impossible thing' before lunch today. I'll bet you will be glad that you did.

Love Stories

I have been on the listening end of some beautiful love stories lately.

It is unfortunate that these stories have been triggered by grief and a need to talk of a lost loved one...

People are talking. I am listening. There are beautiful stories all around us. Sometimes we don't tell those stories while we are living them because life is so full of clutter that we can't hear the beauty in among the task of living-our-lives.

Love is all around us. We just have to listen.

I was sitting still with my thoughts this morning (okay, I was busy applying lotion to my feet before I race off out the door and off into another work-day) and it came to me. Love stories...

I must finish the writing project that has been filed under "Procrastination Project #21238" so that I can start a series. Love stories.

Love and marriage. Love and children. Love and pets. Love and parents. Love and siblings. Love and friendship. You see? No one is immune.

I want to approach one person at a time and ask if I can put their story into words, illustrate it and put it together in the format of a small booklet so that they can share their story.

One person at a time. Short stories. Stories that speak to everyone's heart.

I feel something stirring inside and it is not indigestion. It is a spark. I feel a flame begging for oxygen. I feel alive.

I must not delay.

The Year of Weaving Back the Tapestry of My Life

Something deep inside of me sparked when I made one brave decision. That decision was to make a plan and then invite people along for the ride.

It all started as easily as that.

I decided to go and visit my mom one weekend. My car was headed in that direction. I extended a few invitations and it felt wonderful to say "No pressure. The choice is yours. I am headed that way anyway and all you have to do is hop in and enjoy the ride!"

I think that is basically what a lot of us want to hear. We just want the option to join. Not out of obligation or a sense of doing the right thing. We want to follow our own whims. And sometimes, just sometimes, we need that choice to be easy.

The years 2009 to 2011 were years of living my life to the fullest. They were filled with making plans and asking people to come along for the ride. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn't. In the end, I was the winner. I was an active participant in my own life and they were wonderful years.

They were years when I believed anything was possible. I pursued dreams and caught a few. I felt younger than I had felt the entirety of my life. I started to believe in me.

It all started with a decision to return to school. That choice opened up so many doors that had absolutely nothing to do with education but everything to do with freeing up my schedule so I could live a life beyond work and being a mom. 

I spread my wings and flew. I soared like an eagle. I found so much within myself that I honestly believed that I was capable of much more than I ever dreamed possible.

Thankfully I didn't take a nose dive in mid flight. My descent down to earth came in the form of employment that didn't fit me. I started investigating other options and thought that I found a winner. In two words? I didn't.

In a paragraph (which is worthy of a chapter), a bullying situation in a work place took me down farther than I had ever been before. I was 51 years old and I was a victim. I walked through an abusive marriage from the ages of 17 to 27 and it didn't take me to the depths that two months in a toxic workplace situation did. The fall of 2011 will forever go down in history as the season that unravelled me.

It has been a slow process of rebuilding since that point in time. I don't question the fact that I learned lessons that were very good ones to learn. I walked a path many have walked before me. I had such a rosy attitude before I learned a very important lesson. No one is immune to the effects of a bully.

I had one negative experience. There were a few co-conspirators that aided and abetted the situation. Other than that, I was surrounded by positive people, encouragement, appreciation and everything one would think they would need to negate two months of a bad situation. Yet I could not find the person I was before this all began.

It has been a long, arduous process. I have had friends, family, support and encouragement that far exceed that which I ever expected. I have a wonderful support system all around me. But no one else could build me up. It had to come from within.

The next few years were spent repairing the foundation on which I was built. It was on shaky ground and I needed to start from the bottom up. Reopening my daycare was the first best decision that I made that put me back in the driver's seat of my life. 

It takes time for relationships to grow within those we meet in our lives. So why would I expect anything different when it came to rebuilding my relationship within myself?

Baby steps. Steps in a forward direction. Rebuilding. More solid than it was to begin with. I finally, finally started filling myself up once again. But I was still ruled by fear. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of making decisions. Fear of acceptance. Though those years were very critical to the process, they were the years when fear overruled rational thought.

It was frustrating to remember the person I used to be and see the person I had become were not in sync with each other. Why couldn't I find the "me" I was during the years of living life to the fullest? Where did she go?

She is gone. She had to learn a few lessons and come back with a little more perspective. She had to find the new "her" within the lessons learned before she was ready to hop back into the place which brought her the greatest happiness. 

The year of 2014 will go down in my personal history as the year that I took those loose threads and started weaving them back into the tapestry that is my life.

I have made a few moves in a familiar direction. It rekindled the spark that led me down the path I travelled during those years where I felt fearless and was fuelled by following through on small ideas.

Baby steps. Steps in a forward direction will eventually take you to where you are meant to be. Even when you felt like you are back tracking, you are taking necessary steps. If we want to evolve and grow, we must follow the path that we are on and simply trust that the journey is a part of the plan.

A Courageous Heart

** An add-on to this morning's post**

I am upset with myself. No one else. I went through a brave stage in my life where I didn't toss out ideas and ask anyone what they thought. I simply announced my intentions and ran with them.

During that phase, I wrote a book, I danced in a dance competition, I went on an Alaskan Cruise vacation, I instigated a few family and friend gatherings, I joined Zumba, Belly Fit, I took classes and set goals. It was the most wonderful phase of my life-so-far. I made wonderful memories and have no regrets.

Since that point in time, I became fearful. I have started asking "What do you think of this idea?" before I jump into anything. I have not only been looking before I leap, I have been shoulder checking and looking in the rear view mirror until I am unable to move ahead with anything for fear of failing. I have stopped looking ahead and have felt immobilized by the paralysis of fear.

Not today! Today ... I picked up the phone and dialed it. And I am simply following where my heart is telling me to go. I may have found myself a wayward 'musician' to come and join me on a quick weekend adventure. Maybe not. But I feel braver for having taken a step in a forward direction and extended the invitation for others to join me.

I picked up the phone a few more times than I had originally intended today. Each conversation brought a gift along with it. I have gained more than the possibility of a wayward musician joining me on my journey. I have found a small piece of myself that I lost a few years ago.

I feel braver than I have felt in a very, very long time.

“You have plenty of courage, I am sure," answered Oz. "All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.” ~ L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Sometimes ... I Think That I Think Too Much

"You are thinking too much" is a comment that I have heard a number of times from my dance instructor, as I seem to forget how to follow his lead. It never fails. When I go back to listening to the music and the basic "slow, slow, quick, quick" (or whatever combination of slows and quicks to make up the steps of the dance), my job is very simple. If I relax, move my feet, listen to the music and don't over think it ... his subtle lead takes me where I need to go.

I am an over thinker by nature. I can talk myself out of most anything ... if I sit still too long with my thoughts and think too hard.

I can feel the difference in me when I fret and stew over something that (in the whole scheme of things) really doesn't matter. The fist-in-chest sensation is my first clue. The longer I think, the more anxious I get. The more anxious I feel, the more I fear making a move. That state of indecisiveness creates feelings of inadequacy. It is a place I know well.

Then came the years of simply following my whims. If I thought it, I said it out loud. I made moves to follow through on my whimsical ideas and they were the best years of my life.

Life is cyclical. The good years were followed by years of change. I followed through on some 'great ideas' that upended life-as-I-knew-it and I found myself in a foreign new land. A land where I didn't know the rules and my instincts were not keen. I lost my confidence and started thinking too hard.

It is hard to separate your worlds when your life is out of balance. Upending my work world played havoc on my contentment within my home and heart. I was fearful to step out of my safety zone and cowered inside, under the security blanket of my home. I was thinking too much. It was exhausting. So I slept.

This fall was the beginning of a great transition for me. I followed my heart (and a suggestion from a friend who has known me all of my adult life) and reopened my daycare. I took back my life and dusted off the enthusiasm that I had when I knew that I did not want to go back to working outside my home after My Youngest was born. I would do whatever it took to make this work.

I started saying "yes" to opportunities that opened doors to earning extra income and fulfilling different parts of me that needed filling up.

It happened when I wasn't even paying attention. I didn't think too hard. I just relaxed and listened to the beat of my own heart. The soundtrack of my life is leading me where I need to go. All I have to do is follow the subtle lead of where life is taking me and I will be back dancing to the beat of my own heart again.

Just for today ... don't over think your life. Relax. Dance to the beat of your heart and let it take you where you most need to be. Life's leads are subtle. You can't feel them if you think too hard. Listen. The answers are within you. Believe in them.

Set a Date, a Place and a Time ...

My cousin and I have been making vague, "We must get together sometime ..." plans for a few years now. As we parted ways after seeing each other at a funeral recently, we were going through the motions of repeating that statement once again when I suggested that we really had to be specific. Because it wasn't working any other way.

Out of the clear blue sky, I chimed off, "How about ... we meet at 4:00, February 2nd, at Your Home Town (about the half way meeting place between the cities we both live in)." When I remembered to check the calendar when I got home, I was more than a little surprised to see that February 2nd landed on a Saturday. I sent off an email to my cousin to see how her calendar looked that day and she said it worked great. But, "How about we make it 2:00, meet for coffee and then go over to visit my parents afterwards ..."

So a plan was made. We have just endured a week of severe winter weather where I wouldn't even consider leaving the city. But the long term forecast for Saturday, February 2nd was mild. The forecast never changed. The skies parted once again and made (what looked to be) impossible things possible.

One minor glitch arose. A friend of her husband's family passed away this week and they had a funeral to attend. "How would 4:00 work ... only we will just go straight to my parent's (for a supper invitation which was extended) instead?"

Hmmm. 4:00 on February 2nd at our Intended Meeting Place. Exactly according to our initial 'plan' when I reached out and spoke the first words that came to mind.

We will miss out on our one-on-one visit, but I suppose when I look at this day in reverse I will find a grander plan was at play.

But for now? I had a reason to get up this morning. I have much to do before my 'date with destiny' ...

Be specific in what you ask for in life. Make note of your wishes. Tuck them away and come back to them after a while. You will be amazed at how many dreams come true when you dare to dream. Dare to believe wishes come true. And go out and meet life half way.

The dreams don't have to be big. They do have to exist. Set a date, a place and a time for what you want to happen in your life. Start small and make things happen. You will not be disappointed.

My Next Holiday Adventure

I haven't even left for my Great Alaskan Adventure ... and I've got my next holiday adventure formulating in my mind.

I am in no hurry for this next holiday. It will happen when it happens. I could go alone. I could go with a friend. I could go with a group.

My Bed & Breakfast dream has been rekindled. Now ... I just have to research my project. And what fun that will be!

The idea of turning one of my grandparent's homes into a B & B is something that I simply can't get out of my mind.

One of those homes is in a small village within my home province. The other is in Prince Edward Island. Both houses are still standing (though chances are, that the house in P.E.I. is a  little more structurally sound). I would like to investigate both options.

Bed & Breakfast hopping in Prince Edward Island sounds like a lot of fun. Experience the culture, talk to people, see the sights and go from place to place to collect bits and pieces of what I like and want to add to my B & B one day.

This holiday could be many things. It could be a flight out and a relatively quick holiday. It could be a drive across the country and a collection of B & B experiences Canada-wide. I could go alone ... or not.

As it was with my Alaskan cruise, I have set my sights on going ... and I will just let the cards fall as they may. The who, when, how and other details will unfold as they may, in their own time.

This time tomorrow night, My Friend and I will be in Vancouver!! We are staying in a most excellent location and we should be able to make the most of the 18 or so free hours we have at our disposal before we set sail.

I can almost taste the sea air!!! It's happening! This is really happening!!!!

My Life is a "Field of Dreams"

"If you build it ... they will come" was the haunting theme that resonated throughout the movie and years afterwards (within me) after I saw the movie "Field of Dreams".

I have had a consistent sense of that "If you (do) it ... they will come" throughout the 21 years since I watched that movie.

One early experience I have of ".... they will come" was when I cooked a good meal, including dessert (I despise cooking) for absolutely no reason. And I had company drop by unexpectedly. That never, ever happens in my world. I smiled to myself and later commented, "If I cook it ... they will come".

I have lived a life fulfilling my dreams in big and small ways ever since.

"If I open it (a daycare) ... they will come"

"If I write it (a book, a blog) ... they will read it"

"If I ask (invitations to family and friends) ... they will come"

"If I believe it (working from home) ... it will (eventually) succeed"

"If I am living my life to the fullest ... people will join me on my adventure"

Last night, in my excited and coffee induced state I was euphoric. I was rambling on and on to my Second Son about "If I book it (my Alaskan Cruise) ... they will come" (in the three days since I booked my cruise, I have had three people tell me they will be Back Up Plan # 1 or #2 ... and last night a friend actually committed to joining me)... and "If I teach it (I have enrolled in a Zumba instructor course) ... they will learn" and (drum roll, please) ... "If I build (fix or find) it ... they will come!!" - my ultimate goal of running a Bed & Breakfast.

I am learning that if you live your life with intention - if you say you are going to do something, believe that you can do whatever you set your sights on, steer your life in a direction where you can pursue your dreams ... anything is possible.

Sometimes all it takes is for one person to take a step and commit to a dream ... and you find many others will come into your life and walk with you through your own personal Field of Dreams.

The Past ... The Future

I have such a vivid picture in my mind of where I want my life to lead. I can see it, feel it and believe in it.

It involves a 'simple plan' of buying and restoring a home that my grandparents once owned.

This dream would take years to accomplish, more than a few miracles and a tremendous amount of money and skilled labor. But I can visualize the end result in my mind.

I started thinking of my desire to have a place to hold a family reunion and I thought of this house that belongs to our past.

A place to house a few guests, park a few trailers and gather the family.

The house would be restored with en suites off each bedroom, the veranda would become an all season sun room, the back half of the house and entrance (which would also have a 4 season sun room) would be 'just for me' ... and I would run a Bed and Breakfast.

The barn would be restored (or rebuilt) and it would be a place to house large gatherings - family reunions, weddings, dances and holiday gatherings.

There would be a ball diamond, fire pit and picnic area. The barn would have modern washroom facilities (accessible from inside and out). There would be a handful of camping spots, picnic tables, park benches, a screened in gazebo and the yard would feel like a park.

During the summer, it would host reunions, weddings and family celebrations.

During the winter, it would be an oasis of relaxation and a place to gather small groups of family members and have a 'memory gathering session' where I would help people recall pieces of their history that they want to pass on to future generations. We would record it in some fashion and they would have a piece of their history to take home with them.

I can envision the barn being a place to host dances and group functions ... being a dance or music studio ... or refuge from inclement weather.

I love the idea of having a home that welcomes people and gives them a little retreat, where they can be as independent or as dependent as they want to be. Cozy little conversation nooks ... inviting and comfortable reading spots ... or a place to simply sit in the sun and watch the birds.

A peaceful, little oasis ... with a great amount of history. This is what I picture in my future.