Sometimes ... I Think That I Think Too Much

"You are thinking too much" is a comment that I have heard a number of times from my dance instructor, as I seem to forget how to follow his lead. It never fails. When I go back to listening to the music and the basic "slow, slow, quick, quick" (or whatever combination of slows and quicks to make up the steps of the dance), my job is very simple. If I relax, move my feet, listen to the music and don't over think it ... his subtle lead takes me where I need to go.

I am an over thinker by nature. I can talk myself out of most anything ... if I sit still too long with my thoughts and think too hard.

I can feel the difference in me when I fret and stew over something that (in the whole scheme of things) really doesn't matter. The fist-in-chest sensation is my first clue. The longer I think, the more anxious I get. The more anxious I feel, the more I fear making a move. That state of indecisiveness creates feelings of inadequacy. It is a place I know well.

Then came the years of simply following my whims. If I thought it, I said it out loud. I made moves to follow through on my whimsical ideas and they were the best years of my life.

Life is cyclical. The good years were followed by years of change. I followed through on some 'great ideas' that upended life-as-I-knew-it and I found myself in a foreign new land. A land where I didn't know the rules and my instincts were not keen. I lost my confidence and started thinking too hard.

It is hard to separate your worlds when your life is out of balance. Upending my work world played havoc on my contentment within my home and heart. I was fearful to step out of my safety zone and cowered inside, under the security blanket of my home. I was thinking too much. It was exhausting. So I slept.

This fall was the beginning of a great transition for me. I followed my heart (and a suggestion from a friend who has known me all of my adult life) and reopened my daycare. I took back my life and dusted off the enthusiasm that I had when I knew that I did not want to go back to working outside my home after My Youngest was born. I would do whatever it took to make this work.

I started saying "yes" to opportunities that opened doors to earning extra income and fulfilling different parts of me that needed filling up.

It happened when I wasn't even paying attention. I didn't think too hard. I just relaxed and listened to the beat of my own heart. The soundtrack of my life is leading me where I need to go. All I have to do is follow the subtle lead of where life is taking me and I will be back dancing to the beat of my own heart again.

Just for today ... don't over think your life. Relax. Dance to the beat of your heart and let it take you where you most need to be. Life's leads are subtle. You can't feel them if you think too hard. Listen. The answers are within you. Believe in them.