Best Laid Plans ...

Friday, I finally had the doctors appointment about my upcoming surgery. And the doctor was very accommodating in picking a date. I had asked if we could do it next summer and if I could pick the dates. And he was agreeable on all counts. It was great. Time to save up for the necessary time off, I would be out of commission for the 2 weeks my parents expect me to be off (for my holidays), several families don't need me as much in the summer (2 of them will be off on a maternity leave) ... it couldn't have been better. I felt like I had taken a situation that was out of my control and contained it in a manageable way.

Then, life happened.

The symptoms came on fast and furious and by the time I left for the hospital Monday, I was quite certain that I would be having this surgery (planned for the summer) right away. No time to worry about anything but getting better. All the little worries that I had niggling away at my consciousness were far back on a back burner. I just wanted to feel better.

We live in a wonderful country. Thanks to our wonderful health care system, once I was (finally) in a bed in the emergency room my worries were all taken out of my hands. I went through the process and stages it takes to get from the emergency room to the operating table within 7 hours.

I woke up at 3 am, lying in my hospital bed with my stomach all settled down and in no pain. All I felt was complete and total gratitude.

Gratitude for my Middle Son and all that he does to sweep in and just take care of everything when the chips are down. His words were calm and constant, "Don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of everything. Don't worry about a thing." And I didn't. I have complete and utter faith in his abilities to step up to the plate when needed. I didn't worry about a thing.

Gratitude for the trial run that we had back in April, when they ran all sorts of tests and sent me home still guessing at what was wrong (but they managed to alleviate the symptoms regardless).

Gratitude for my doctor who doesn't let things slide. Through a follow up appointment, she was feeling that all was okay but "let's just send you for one more ultrasound ... just to be sure." It was that one last test that diagnosed my hernia and that knowledge made the emergency trip on Monday go so much smoother. They knew what they were dealing with and the wheels went swiftly into motion.

Gratitude for such a minor ailment that within 29 hours of my first discomfort, I was being wheeled into surgery. The problem was rectified. How many people with health ailments can say the same? I just quietly reflected on those who are still guessing at their diagnosis ... or the diagnosis is just the beginning - the treatment is a long and arduous process ... or when there is little that can be done to manage one's symptoms. So, so many scenarios that aren't black and white.

Gratitude for the quickness of the onset of symptoms which didn't allow me time to think. Even though I knew the surgery was minor, I had my reservations and concerns. To put it simply, I was scared. But when things happened so fast, the fear went out the door. "Please just fix me" was the only mantra going through my mind.

Gratitude for the wonderful doctors and nurses that took care of me every step of the way. The emergency room was breaking all sorts of records that day - they were so busy. But even so, once I was in their care, no short cuts were taken. I didn't feel like I was being rushed through, an extra inconvenience on a busy day. They were so kind, even amongst their busyness. From the very approachable (but busy) triage nurse that whisked me into a bed very soon after I came up to her to check to see that I hadn't missed my name being called ... to the ER nurses that were so busy, but still had the time to tend to some of my extra needs ... to the ER nurse that was fresh on his shift and was simply nice to me, humorous and genuinely appeared to like his job (as did all of the medical staff that I encountered) ... to the doctor that sat down and talked to me and spoke softly and kindly to me ... to the surgeons who explained what would be done and what the different scenarios were ... to the nurses in the observation ward who were compassionate, helpful, cheerful and again ... oh, so busy. The medical staff were amazing.

Then, I was quickly up on my feet and feeling so much better the next day they managed to send me home a day early. My stay was only overnight instead of the 2 day stay that they had mentioned at the onset of the day. This worked out so well, because even though My Son had stepped into my world and taken on my responsibilities ... he had pretty much put his own life on 'hold'. I was healthy enough to be home (and there is truly no place like home), and our lives were quickly reinstated to 'normal'.

As we drove home, My Son asked me how much all of this would cost. And my answer was 'nothing'. It is all covered by our health care system. Amazing. The efficiency of the medical staff that (could have) saved my life, had me in and out of their doors and on the road to recovery in just over 24 hours. And it cost me nothing. We are so fortunate to have the health care coverage that we do!

Then, once I got home the gratitude continued. The parents that I babysit for were all quick to rally up and assure me they were all okay and had found alternate childcare - just to take care of myself. Flowers, well wishes, cards ... Then there are my friends. I have an angel at my side that I call my friend. She found out that I was at home recovering from this surgery and passed the word along to another friend because she knew that I wouldn't call to tell anyone. I wouldn't have ... and I was just fine with that. I received two rapid phone calls and a visit from a friend shortly there after. I would have been fine on me own ... but having a friend at my side is always a blessing.

They say life is what happens when you are making other plans. I had all the contingencies of this all cased out in my perfect little scenario. But we fast-tracked through that and now I'm healed and on the road to recovery 10 months ahead of schedule.

I think that things worked out the way they were meant to be ....

Focus on Family

This past year has been one of focusing on the group of people who are a composite of who I am. My family.

From small little things like the harmony within my own small family of 3 sons ... to reaching out in new ways to include my siblings and Mom ... finding a way to get to know Mom's sisters as we collected stories for her family's history ... and now I am reaching out to my Dad's side.

I've made the step of approaching them about the idea of putting together their story ... and today I am getting together with the cousins that live in the city. There are 7 of us that live close together and due to the busy pace of life that encompasses all of us ... and the fact that it is foreign territory to reach out to a cousin (that we really didn't know well as a child), as an adult ... we have never gotten together as a group. As we gathered at an anniversary celebration a few weeks ago, it touched me to feel that 'connection' to people that I really don't know on a personal basis. I called my cousins and tested the waters on this cousin-gathering ... and I couldn't believe the response! They completely echoed my enthusiasm and excitement over this idea of getting together and getting to know each other better!!

I am hooked. Trying those 'impossible things' - things that simply aren't comfortable to do. If an idea comes to mind that feels right ... follow your heart!! The one thing that I've been finding out as I travel down this new road of trying 'impossible things', following my whims and heart and focusing on family ... is that more often than not, the person on the receiving end was as ready for the 'contact' as I was.

Someone has to take that first step. Sometimes it is someone else. But every now and again, it may be you or I.

I am full of anticipation as I await what this day has in store! There is a lot of excitement in my days right now. Focusing on my family has really strengthened my 'roots'. I highly recommend it!

More Fall Woes

Second pair of jeans ... second hole in the knee. I guess spring arrived just in the nick of time this year, because both of my pairs of jeans were ready to give out. I'm not ready to go shopping for new winter attire though. I think holes are 'in', aren't they?

I fixed my shoe today, but almost ruined it in the process of fixing it, by clamping the glued part together with the battery cables that I had on hand. I fixed my shoe at work (I used glue that a friend brought to work) and needed a clamp to hold it together while the glue dried. I thought I was so clever to think of the battery cables, but it made a big indentation in the shoe! I think it might be okay though once it has a chance to regain its old form.

I'm back to my Saturday job for the duration of the fall and winter seasons and that doesn't please me. I'm sinking fast there, as the rate of change at work is going much faster than it has in all the (almost) 9 years that I've been working Saturdays. We are short staffed as well, so there is simply no time to catch up. I'm not enjoying this sinking sensation.

But on the bright side, my surgery can be tabled until next summer! Time to save and plan for this. And summer holidays to recouperate. It may not disrupt my life after all!! It was like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders when I found out this news yesterday. I know I should still be strict with the budgeting, but we fell off the wagon a bit last night. A bit? Maybe a lot. Kurt commented that he liked it better when we were on a budget, because we spent far less time shopping. I must admit that I agree with him. Our time spent in the stores was minimal. And we both enjoyed that.

So now that the food supplies are replenished and other supplies have been restocked, I think we shall go back on our strict budget for the rest of the month. That sounds like a good plan to me. We have plenty of things to do right here under our own roof. Things that don't cost money. Things we can do together or apart.

We have all we need right under our roof. I'm feeling much more content about the ''nuts'' I've stored up for winter after all. My squirrel instincts are keen. I like to feel stocked up and ready for the winter ahead.

Next Come the Socks!

I can't believe it. I wore a long sleeved shirt today. And I wasn't too hot. And ... I wore the first hole in the knee of my jeans today as well.

Here comes the expensive season. I wear out knees and socks galore during the cool weather. I love summer because my shorts are above my knees and I never wear socks.

This is also the season of the 'uncomfortable shoes'. Oh no. I may have to quit my Saturday job because I simply don't have a pair of shoes to wear. Maybe I'll hot glue the sole back onto the tops of the shoes I can wear. That ought to buy me a little bit of time.

Blech. I sure don't relish the thought of cool weather. I may go barefoot and wear shorts all year!

Little Things Mean Alot

Today, Kurt brought home kind of a 'get to know me' information sheet that he had filled out at school. One of the questions was "The person I most admire" ... he answered "My mom because she is funny and nice."

I know, at his age probably not a lot of people come to mind as to they admire. But it still felt good to read the words (even if they may have been written under duress).

It made me happy that he thinks that I am funny! It amazed me that he thinks I'm nice. :)

The written word carries a lot of weight.

Letter to My Son

My Middle Son turns 21 today ... I woke up and my fingers had a mind of their own. This is what they wrote:

21 years ago today, I was waking up to the knowledge that you would be coming into my life that day. Wow ... that seems like a lifetime ago (and to you, it is!).

Little did I know where our road together and apart would lead ...

When you were born, we felt more like a real 'family'. Having one child is nice ... having two ... feels like a family. It was my protective mother genes in me (which were nice and close to the surface after having you ... I think some people say it is a hormonal thing ... I prefer to call it protective mother syndrome), that picked us up and away from a chaotic and unhealthy lifestyle and moved us out here for a new beginning.

A new baby, a new beginning, a whole new world for us. I've never regretted that decision for a moment. It was the best move for us.

The next best move that I made for our family is when I decided to work from home after My Youngest was born. Maybe you and I would have been close anyway, but I credit the fact that I wasn't overwhelmed with work stresses at the end of my day, to the realization that your moods and behaviours were directly related to the stresses you were facing at school. Not me. I didn't take it personally, so I was better equipped to understand where you were coming from (even though I still didn't handle every situation perfectly, it was far better than how I dealt with things the first time around) ...

The teenage years weren't without their trying times, but in the end I could see that you were a strong minded individual who wasn't going to bow to peer pressure just to be liked and popular. You had a strong sense of who you were and what you believed in. And no one was going to sway your thinking.

And that brings us to today. A song that you played for me yesterday makes me feel that you have not changed a your way of thinking in some ways, since you were that teen who wasn't concerned about going with the flow of things just to be with the in crowd. You are who you are. And you are strong in what you believe in.

You have enveloped your family into that strong sense of belief and I feel that you would stand up for not only yourself, but anyone you care about.

You are pretty amazing. I am so proud to call you my son ...

Love,
Mom

A Most Excellent Weekend

As I sit here, fully awake and reflecting on my 3 days off ... I am so pleased with the way the weekend unfolded.

It was a perfect mix of work and play. I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. I took time to do a few fun things. And the weekend was wrapped up with a most unexpected and enjoyable visit with a friend.

Who could ask for anything more??