I am revelling in the slow and quiet pace of life around here these days. It is amazing. I am not continually looking at the clock and racing to get more things done in a day than I have time for.
Right now, this is being done consciously as I am slowing my mind and body down so I don't get wound up into an 'overdo' mode. But later, I am wondering what I can incorporate into a new and improved lifestyle??
I love 'moving mountains' in a day ... accomplishing 'impossible things' ... a sense of accomplishment. I also love this new life of leisure. I am beginning to call this time of letting my body heal 'lazy'. I guess for the moment it is okay. But if it carries on beyond this doctor-advised time limit, it is not so great.
But for this moment, I am enjoying this state of calmness. Ahhh .... it is like taking a vacation without even leaving the house (or spending a dollar!!). I think that everyone should book themselves a brief holiday from their harried pace of life. That is a holiday that anyone should be able to afford.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Touched By an Angel ...
I'm still tingling inside, from an encounter I had today ...
I am in the beginning stages of collecting information on my dad's side of the family, to see if I can put together another family history story. Today, an aunt and uncle (my dad's brother) dropped by to give me some information that they had amassed. It was a very brief visit, but I made eye contact with my uncle. We exchanged a few words, his eyes twinkled and I felt Dad's presence in him, in the way he looked at me.
It was a moment. It was precious. I was reminded of the essence of who Dad was in an up close and personal way.
As I move along with this project and collect various stories and memories from the family and Dad's brothers, there is a lot of potential to bring my Dad to life in my heart and soul. He has been gone for a long time. It always surprises me when I have an emotional reminder of who he was. Something that touches something deep inside me ...
I've turned a corner today. Dad's family story will be straight from the heart. I can't wait to begin.
I am in the beginning stages of collecting information on my dad's side of the family, to see if I can put together another family history story. Today, an aunt and uncle (my dad's brother) dropped by to give me some information that they had amassed. It was a very brief visit, but I made eye contact with my uncle. We exchanged a few words, his eyes twinkled and I felt Dad's presence in him, in the way he looked at me.
It was a moment. It was precious. I was reminded of the essence of who Dad was in an up close and personal way.
As I move along with this project and collect various stories and memories from the family and Dad's brothers, there is a lot of potential to bring my Dad to life in my heart and soul. He has been gone for a long time. It always surprises me when I have an emotional reminder of who he was. Something that touches something deep inside me ...
I've turned a corner today. Dad's family story will be straight from the heart. I can't wait to begin.
Taking Back the Weekends
Ahhh .... I have savored 2 weekends off in a row! It has been a glorious sensation to wake up on a Saturday morning and know that I have the day in its entirety to revel in. And then ... I wake up on Sunday and have one more day!!
I have been working 6 days a week (minus long weekends and vacation time) for almost 9 years now. This past spring/summer has been full of family events that have encouraged me to book those Saturdays off of work so I can be a part of the many events that have been going on. This same time, has been full of change at my 'Saturday job'. Change in policy, products, ownership ... And we have been short staffed, so I have been barely treading water to keep afloat at work.
Then ... I got sick (well, needed recovery time from surgery anyway). And knowing that I had those Saturdays off of work was the best cure of all for me. It has awakened a knowledge in me that 6 days is too much. It is time to make a choice. 5 days of work, whether it is from home or at a full time job, is the direction I need to take right now. I know this.
As this realization hit me, I looked at the frantic pace at the world around us. Family members that are working (between all the family members) 7 days a week. Everyone is going in separate directions. Granted, as kids grow up they are going to go off on their own direction anyway. And I suppose it is a consolation that these kids are headed off to a part time job, verses veering off course with a group of friends that don't enhance 'good choices'. But what has happened to weekends? One day to run your errands and tend to what must be done. A second day to focus on fun, family and relaxation in whatever form that may take?
My health stopped me in my tracks 2 weeks ago. I was so very, very fortunate that it was only a minor ailment that a quick trip to the ER was able to fix. But what about the health of the individuals who are dealing with the daily toll of unrelenting stress? It seems to me, that it must take a physical toll on a person's body when there is little or no reprieve from that stress load. And then when that same person works late and on weekends to try to alleviate the week day stress ... there is simply little time for the body to take time to be kind to itself.
Family time, down time, time to destress. Taking back my weekends defines a better quality of life for me. Even if I must make financial sacrifices, I think that 2 days off to spend as I wish, is something that is good for me ... and those around me.
I have been working 6 days a week (minus long weekends and vacation time) for almost 9 years now. This past spring/summer has been full of family events that have encouraged me to book those Saturdays off of work so I can be a part of the many events that have been going on. This same time, has been full of change at my 'Saturday job'. Change in policy, products, ownership ... And we have been short staffed, so I have been barely treading water to keep afloat at work.
Then ... I got sick (well, needed recovery time from surgery anyway). And knowing that I had those Saturdays off of work was the best cure of all for me. It has awakened a knowledge in me that 6 days is too much. It is time to make a choice. 5 days of work, whether it is from home or at a full time job, is the direction I need to take right now. I know this.
As this realization hit me, I looked at the frantic pace at the world around us. Family members that are working (between all the family members) 7 days a week. Everyone is going in separate directions. Granted, as kids grow up they are going to go off on their own direction anyway. And I suppose it is a consolation that these kids are headed off to a part time job, verses veering off course with a group of friends that don't enhance 'good choices'. But what has happened to weekends? One day to run your errands and tend to what must be done. A second day to focus on fun, family and relaxation in whatever form that may take?
My health stopped me in my tracks 2 weeks ago. I was so very, very fortunate that it was only a minor ailment that a quick trip to the ER was able to fix. But what about the health of the individuals who are dealing with the daily toll of unrelenting stress? It seems to me, that it must take a physical toll on a person's body when there is little or no reprieve from that stress load. And then when that same person works late and on weekends to try to alleviate the week day stress ... there is simply little time for the body to take time to be kind to itself.
Family time, down time, time to destress. Taking back my weekends defines a better quality of life for me. Even if I must make financial sacrifices, I think that 2 days off to spend as I wish, is something that is good for me ... and those around me.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Dressing the Part
These post-surgery days have been a very quiet, introverted time for me. It seemed that I wasn't thinking any deep thoughts and the idea of 'blogging' during that time was beyond me. I can tell that my brain is waking up at last and lots of little things that I had been thinking are rising to the surface now.
'Dressing the part' was an apt title for todays musings. The morning that I woke up with my symptoms running rampant, all I did was get dressed and put on my glasses. No shower, no contact lenses, no make up, no fuss or muss in any capacity. And I looked terrible. Now on the other side of the coin I did feel pretty rotten as well, but I really 'dressed the part' and amplified the visual impact.
While in the hospital, I knew that my contact lenses would have had to come out and makeup would be washed off. Why in the world would I go to any trouble to look any better than I felt? It was a waste of time and energy. But when my family doctor walked in my room the morning after my surgery, she was physically turning around and started walking out again. Because she didn't recognize me! She said it was because of my glasses, but you add to that the lack of make up and a very bad hair day ... and I was actually a little bit relieved that she didn't recognize me!
Once I was home, I really didn't see the point in trying to 'pretty myself up'. I showered and freshened up and that helped me feel a little more alive. But I didn't place any more effort into my looks than that. Why?
What I found, is that I acted differently when I didn't take those extra steps to enhance the look of that reflection in the mirror. Yes, I was recouperating from surgery ... but a few strokes of make up and a few extra minutes with my hair would have added a boost of something to my self esteem. I started acting the part of 'patient'.
Five days into my recovery, I had friends over. So I took those extra moments and made myself look healthy. And amazingly, when I took that extra effort I actually felt better as well. I started 'living up' to the reflection in the mirror (still no great shakes, but you should have seen the unadorned me ... not a pretty sight!).
Last week, I took a small step back into my babysitting world (a few of my before and after school kids). I got up every morning and 'dressed for work'. Contact lenses, make up and a bit more fussing with my hair. I was definitely feeling better every day, but I felt the correlation between the way I dressed to the way I felt.
This morning, I face the luxury of a Saturday off!! I don't have kids to babysit and I am on a sick leave from my 'Saturday job'. So I questioned how much effort to put into my looks today.
I have some bookwork to do, so I wanted to get myself into work-mode. That meant putting in my contact lenses (I can see much better with them). And once I made that step, I knew that I should put my 'best face forward'. I took the extra steps to outline my fading features so a person could find my eyes in the bland canvas of my face. I primped with my hair a bit. I dressed the part of a person who was excited about facing the day ... and now I'm prepared to live it.
I once worked in an office where the only contact we had with the public was on the telephone. Our dress code at work was still business attire. And the reasoning behind that was very much what I realized as these past days of not 'dressing the part' of a healthy person. A person's telephone voice picks up on a lot. If you are dressed business-like, you tend to carry that into your voice. When you dress the part, you tend to 'act' the part.
I have had a few friends that have faced very serious health issues. And though I am sure that each of them would have had many days that they weren't feeling their best when I saw them, they 'put their best face forward' and acted the part of a healthier feeling person.
I don't believe that those extra steps of pampering are a cure all. But I do believe that it helps a person to feel a little better about themselves (no matter what they are battling - healing, depression, exhaustion ...) when you take some time to pamper yourself in some way that makes you feel better about yourself.
I have followed Rosie O'Donnell's blog and her comments and advise to others about battling depression are always the same. "Shower, sunshine and move" ... a little bit of 'yellow' in the day (no matter what form it takes for each individual) may not be an end-all solution. But it certainly can't hurt. Feeling good inside, having a positive outlook from within makes a huge difference to how you deal with so many things.
What makes each individual 'act the part' of a happier, healthier, less stressed person is as individual as the person. To take the time for yourself to feel 'yellow' within, is a good investment.
Be good to yourself ...
'Dressing the part' was an apt title for todays musings. The morning that I woke up with my symptoms running rampant, all I did was get dressed and put on my glasses. No shower, no contact lenses, no make up, no fuss or muss in any capacity. And I looked terrible. Now on the other side of the coin I did feel pretty rotten as well, but I really 'dressed the part' and amplified the visual impact.
While in the hospital, I knew that my contact lenses would have had to come out and makeup would be washed off. Why in the world would I go to any trouble to look any better than I felt? It was a waste of time and energy. But when my family doctor walked in my room the morning after my surgery, she was physically turning around and started walking out again. Because she didn't recognize me! She said it was because of my glasses, but you add to that the lack of make up and a very bad hair day ... and I was actually a little bit relieved that she didn't recognize me!
Once I was home, I really didn't see the point in trying to 'pretty myself up'. I showered and freshened up and that helped me feel a little more alive. But I didn't place any more effort into my looks than that. Why?
What I found, is that I acted differently when I didn't take those extra steps to enhance the look of that reflection in the mirror. Yes, I was recouperating from surgery ... but a few strokes of make up and a few extra minutes with my hair would have added a boost of something to my self esteem. I started acting the part of 'patient'.
Five days into my recovery, I had friends over. So I took those extra moments and made myself look healthy. And amazingly, when I took that extra effort I actually felt better as well. I started 'living up' to the reflection in the mirror (still no great shakes, but you should have seen the unadorned me ... not a pretty sight!).
Last week, I took a small step back into my babysitting world (a few of my before and after school kids). I got up every morning and 'dressed for work'. Contact lenses, make up and a bit more fussing with my hair. I was definitely feeling better every day, but I felt the correlation between the way I dressed to the way I felt.
This morning, I face the luxury of a Saturday off!! I don't have kids to babysit and I am on a sick leave from my 'Saturday job'. So I questioned how much effort to put into my looks today.
I have some bookwork to do, so I wanted to get myself into work-mode. That meant putting in my contact lenses (I can see much better with them). And once I made that step, I knew that I should put my 'best face forward'. I took the extra steps to outline my fading features so a person could find my eyes in the bland canvas of my face. I primped with my hair a bit. I dressed the part of a person who was excited about facing the day ... and now I'm prepared to live it.
I once worked in an office where the only contact we had with the public was on the telephone. Our dress code at work was still business attire. And the reasoning behind that was very much what I realized as these past days of not 'dressing the part' of a healthy person. A person's telephone voice picks up on a lot. If you are dressed business-like, you tend to carry that into your voice. When you dress the part, you tend to 'act' the part.
I have had a few friends that have faced very serious health issues. And though I am sure that each of them would have had many days that they weren't feeling their best when I saw them, they 'put their best face forward' and acted the part of a healthier feeling person.
I don't believe that those extra steps of pampering are a cure all. But I do believe that it helps a person to feel a little better about themselves (no matter what they are battling - healing, depression, exhaustion ...) when you take some time to pamper yourself in some way that makes you feel better about yourself.
I have followed Rosie O'Donnell's blog and her comments and advise to others about battling depression are always the same. "Shower, sunshine and move" ... a little bit of 'yellow' in the day (no matter what form it takes for each individual) may not be an end-all solution. But it certainly can't hurt. Feeling good inside, having a positive outlook from within makes a huge difference to how you deal with so many things.
What makes each individual 'act the part' of a happier, healthier, less stressed person is as individual as the person. To take the time for yourself to feel 'yellow' within, is a good investment.
Be good to yourself ...
Friday, September 19, 2008
Life in the Slow Lane
It's a different pace of life here lately. I'm good at 'slow'. Too good perhaps??
I did one thing that halted my productive mode. I put the TV in the living room. I prefer to call it a 'magnet'.
Every time I was at a loss as to what to do, I turned on the TV. I normally don't watch TV. It is my sleeping pill if I can't sleep (I can usually erase the words circulating in my head in the middle of the night, if I try to listen to the words on the TV set). I tape my favorite programs and watch them at my convenience (fast forwarding through the commercials). I watch DVD sets. But I rarely sit down and watch TV in 'real time'.
The world of TV. Omigosh. The commercials!! I have been inundated with the idea that I need shinier hair, less-aged skin, to lose weight, a new bed and I feel compelled to check out 'Motor City Casino' in Detroit. They play these commercials over and over and over. A person feels like they are under a spell. After my first week of exposure to commercial TV, my eyes glazed over and I found myself chanting "I need anti-aging cream ... I need anti-aging cream ..."
I stopped reading, because it was easier to turn on the TV set and let someone else entertain me. It is no work at all to watch TV. Mindless is the word that comes to mind. In my regularly scheduled life, I would love to have a day to read, write, visit and simply putter around in my world. But once I turned on the TV and found a nice rotation of programs that I enjoyed watching, I felt like I was losing my ability to think.
Mind you, I was supposed to be taking it easy. So I am letting that be my excuse for letting commercial TV into my living room and into my life. TV does one other thing for me. It puts me to sleep. And my body was healing. So TV was good medicine for me, in a way.
What did come to mind though, was the exposure of kids to TV. Wow. After spending a week with continual exposure to products that are geared to the daytime TV audience, I couldn't help but think of the impact of those commercials that speak directly to kids. I only let the kids watch movies or 'CBC Kids' (no commercials) when I babysit. I fast forward through all movie previews and 'coming soon' events because I find that if there are too many diversions before the movie, the kids don't settle in and watch the show. But I am now realizing that my 'no TV in the living room' and 'no cable on the TV I let the kids watch' was a true blessing. They don't need the exposure to the temptation of commercial TV.
I am an adult and have the ability to siphon out the hype of a commercial. But I don't always do it. When someone is advertising something that they have convinced me is essential to my well being for only '4 low monthly payments ...', I know that they have done their job. I have succumbed to their magic. What hope does a child have in that same world of must-have-items, that TV advertises?
I knew my life was better without 'TV' in it. I just didn't realize how much.
I did one thing that halted my productive mode. I put the TV in the living room. I prefer to call it a 'magnet'.
Every time I was at a loss as to what to do, I turned on the TV. I normally don't watch TV. It is my sleeping pill if I can't sleep (I can usually erase the words circulating in my head in the middle of the night, if I try to listen to the words on the TV set). I tape my favorite programs and watch them at my convenience (fast forwarding through the commercials). I watch DVD sets. But I rarely sit down and watch TV in 'real time'.
The world of TV. Omigosh. The commercials!! I have been inundated with the idea that I need shinier hair, less-aged skin, to lose weight, a new bed and I feel compelled to check out 'Motor City Casino' in Detroit. They play these commercials over and over and over. A person feels like they are under a spell. After my first week of exposure to commercial TV, my eyes glazed over and I found myself chanting "I need anti-aging cream ... I need anti-aging cream ..."
I stopped reading, because it was easier to turn on the TV set and let someone else entertain me. It is no work at all to watch TV. Mindless is the word that comes to mind. In my regularly scheduled life, I would love to have a day to read, write, visit and simply putter around in my world. But once I turned on the TV and found a nice rotation of programs that I enjoyed watching, I felt like I was losing my ability to think.
Mind you, I was supposed to be taking it easy. So I am letting that be my excuse for letting commercial TV into my living room and into my life. TV does one other thing for me. It puts me to sleep. And my body was healing. So TV was good medicine for me, in a way.
What did come to mind though, was the exposure of kids to TV. Wow. After spending a week with continual exposure to products that are geared to the daytime TV audience, I couldn't help but think of the impact of those commercials that speak directly to kids. I only let the kids watch movies or 'CBC Kids' (no commercials) when I babysit. I fast forward through all movie previews and 'coming soon' events because I find that if there are too many diversions before the movie, the kids don't settle in and watch the show. But I am now realizing that my 'no TV in the living room' and 'no cable on the TV I let the kids watch' was a true blessing. They don't need the exposure to the temptation of commercial TV.
I am an adult and have the ability to siphon out the hype of a commercial. But I don't always do it. When someone is advertising something that they have convinced me is essential to my well being for only '4 low monthly payments ...', I know that they have done their job. I have succumbed to their magic. What hope does a child have in that same world of must-have-items, that TV advertises?
I knew my life was better without 'TV' in it. I just didn't realize how much.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Limits
In this week after my surgery, I am learning a lot about limits.
I think that I tend to push my limits a lot. If there is a short period of time, I will challenge myself to see how much I can squeeze into that limitation. I race myself often. It's an internal push to get me motivated, keep me motivated and get the job done. I will start 5 mini projects and keep moving in a forward motion until they are all done (and usually, I will find at least 5 more things to do, as I go along).
This past week has been mind-numbing (quite literally) for me. I cannot seem to formulate the forethought and organization to do 2 things at once. I will try. Then later on, I'll stumble across something that I had started (but abandoned midstream). This inefficiency in my brain seems to have slowed down my progress immensely. I would honestly guess that it seems to take about 4 times the time and energy to accomplish a simple task (as compared to my pre-surgery mode).
Concentration is a big element of this disruption to my efficiency. I can't hold a thought for too long. I lose my train of thought, I can't formulate or find the words in my mind that I want to come up with. This extra energy that it takes to concentrate is taxing.
Writing is something that drains me. Normally if I have the time and motivation, writing is energizing to me. One set of thoughts can mushroom to various blog entries, an email or 2 and the words seem to multiply within. This past week, I am lucky if I can string together the words for an email and a blog entry in the same day. I am a wordy writer, so maybe if I kept my words to a minimum I would have more energy to send more!
The typing errors that I am making are many. I spend more time backspacing and correcting myself than I do, going forward it seems!
My body feels like it is healing very well. Physically I feel like I'm healing. But the body is a miraculous thing. I think this lethargy of my mind is exhausting me, so that I must rest.
Just because I am not in physical pain, it doesn't mean that I am totally healed. I am very grateful for a body that is slowing me down in my tracks. And I have a completely different level of compassion for those who struggle with their body's limitations on a daily basis. The level of concentration and energy expended to tend to 'life' in general, must define 'pushing the limits' to a completely different level.
I've spent the morning working on a company's bookwork, but before I go and relook at what I have done I think I must relax my brain muscles and relook at it with a fresh eye. I don't trust myself much these days ...
I think it is time for a short snooze!!
I think that I tend to push my limits a lot. If there is a short period of time, I will challenge myself to see how much I can squeeze into that limitation. I race myself often. It's an internal push to get me motivated, keep me motivated and get the job done. I will start 5 mini projects and keep moving in a forward motion until they are all done (and usually, I will find at least 5 more things to do, as I go along).
This past week has been mind-numbing (quite literally) for me. I cannot seem to formulate the forethought and organization to do 2 things at once. I will try. Then later on, I'll stumble across something that I had started (but abandoned midstream). This inefficiency in my brain seems to have slowed down my progress immensely. I would honestly guess that it seems to take about 4 times the time and energy to accomplish a simple task (as compared to my pre-surgery mode).
Concentration is a big element of this disruption to my efficiency. I can't hold a thought for too long. I lose my train of thought, I can't formulate or find the words in my mind that I want to come up with. This extra energy that it takes to concentrate is taxing.
Writing is something that drains me. Normally if I have the time and motivation, writing is energizing to me. One set of thoughts can mushroom to various blog entries, an email or 2 and the words seem to multiply within. This past week, I am lucky if I can string together the words for an email and a blog entry in the same day. I am a wordy writer, so maybe if I kept my words to a minimum I would have more energy to send more!
The typing errors that I am making are many. I spend more time backspacing and correcting myself than I do, going forward it seems!
My body feels like it is healing very well. Physically I feel like I'm healing. But the body is a miraculous thing. I think this lethargy of my mind is exhausting me, so that I must rest.
Just because I am not in physical pain, it doesn't mean that I am totally healed. I am very grateful for a body that is slowing me down in my tracks. And I have a completely different level of compassion for those who struggle with their body's limitations on a daily basis. The level of concentration and energy expended to tend to 'life' in general, must define 'pushing the limits' to a completely different level.
I've spent the morning working on a company's bookwork, but before I go and relook at what I have done I think I must relax my brain muscles and relook at it with a fresh eye. I don't trust myself much these days ...
I think it is time for a short snooze!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
"The Secret"
This is the quote of the day from "The Secret" daily calendar that I have, for Sept 10th:
"If some situation occurs that affects your state of joy, repeat to yourself, "All good is coming from this situation." And it will. Learn from each experience. You will find after experiencing a challenging situation, your level of joy will be higher than it has ever been before. Isn't that a good thing?"
Throughout the course of my life, I have learned to live that quote. In every case of 'discomfort' in my life, there has been a purpose. I can look back and see a lesson in every situation that was less than joyous to me at the moment. It took a while to see the consistency of the lessons I had learned and the new paths that I tried, due to life's events. But it never failed. I always ended up in a better place after the transition was complete.
And the 'level of joy' (or elation as I call it) seems to rise with each hurdle I encounter. You surpass that tough spot and a small amount of invincibility seeps into your being. A feeling that " ... if I can overcome that, then I can overcome anything ..." Every single time I overcome some challenge, I feel joyous inside. I am stronger mentally, my self esteem rises. There is a euphoria that overcomes me as I feel a renewed and stronger sense of myself after I overcome 'impossible things' (I think this is why I am so driven to do small 'impossible things' in my day to day world).
I think that there is a sense of peace in having absolute trust that there is a purpose to life's challenges. That I have never been given more than I can handle. The one exception to that may have been in the depths of a depression that I slipped into last year. But even at the bottom of that despair, there was a quiet but steady 'voice' within that just knew to ''call one person.'' And so began my healing ...
Good can come out of most anything bad. Look for the silver lining. Sometimes you have to search or wait a while ... but in the end you can find some purpose to most of life's discomforts.
"If some situation occurs that affects your state of joy, repeat to yourself, "All good is coming from this situation." And it will. Learn from each experience. You will find after experiencing a challenging situation, your level of joy will be higher than it has ever been before. Isn't that a good thing?"
Throughout the course of my life, I have learned to live that quote. In every case of 'discomfort' in my life, there has been a purpose. I can look back and see a lesson in every situation that was less than joyous to me at the moment. It took a while to see the consistency of the lessons I had learned and the new paths that I tried, due to life's events. But it never failed. I always ended up in a better place after the transition was complete.
And the 'level of joy' (or elation as I call it) seems to rise with each hurdle I encounter. You surpass that tough spot and a small amount of invincibility seeps into your being. A feeling that " ... if I can overcome that, then I can overcome anything ..." Every single time I overcome some challenge, I feel joyous inside. I am stronger mentally, my self esteem rises. There is a euphoria that overcomes me as I feel a renewed and stronger sense of myself after I overcome 'impossible things' (I think this is why I am so driven to do small 'impossible things' in my day to day world).
I think that there is a sense of peace in having absolute trust that there is a purpose to life's challenges. That I have never been given more than I can handle. The one exception to that may have been in the depths of a depression that I slipped into last year. But even at the bottom of that despair, there was a quiet but steady 'voice' within that just knew to ''call one person.'' And so began my healing ...
Good can come out of most anything bad. Look for the silver lining. Sometimes you have to search or wait a while ... but in the end you can find some purpose to most of life's discomforts.
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