I sat down with a thought and started writing a few hours ago. Then the phone rang and I lost the flow of where I thought that thought may take me.
So it is with life. You start out with an idea of where you think you are headed and you meet up with a distraction, a challenge, a new idea or a fork in the road.
When I think of all the choices that I made to get from 'there' to 'here', I'm grateful for every turn that my road has taken. I feel like I'm on the path that I was meant to live.
I started thinking about the 'roads not taken' when my uncle mentioned an opportunity that my dad had, to work out east back in the 1950's. It would be so interesting to hear what my dad would have to say about his choices back then but he is not around to tell us his story. One can only hope that he felt that he was following his chosen path. That he wasn't living his life against the current, but going with the flow of where he was meant to be ...
The quote from Oprah's 'Best Life' series that spoke to me today was: "Any time you are resisting what "is" (instead of what you thought it was going to be), you have more stress in your life because you won't accept what "is". I equate that resistance with 'going against the flow' of life. When I feel like I am walking against the current in life, it is like I'm resisting life's natural course of events. I never did like to cause waves. Life is not only simpler that way, but I think it was the path that I was meant to follow.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Revving Up
I don't formally make new years resolutions, but I do try to make personal goals as the year goes on.
As I sit here in a rather lack lustre mood as the new year begins, I'm giving myself a little time before I forge into the year full speed ahead. I'm revving my engines as I sit.
Oprah is starting her 'Best Life' series once again and I'm determined to incorporate some tidbits of the wisdom from that series into my life.
Number 1, is that I know that I need to get moving again. I exercised for several years and it made me feel good from the inside out. Exhaustion took over my life for a while, then procrastination set in. My final excuse of 2008 was that I just didn't have time in my days. Well, the Christmas season of preparations and gifting is over ... I think I should be able to spare an hour in my days.
Secondly, I have to get into high gear with some 'book projects' that I have started. I have massive amounts of information to organize with my first project. And I've just begun my second project. Step one is to try and figure out how to format my pages in the 'Word' program once again! I tried and failed when I first started this project and it is time to conquer that mountain so I can go onto another phase in organizing this information.
Then, I have some gatherings that I want to orchestrate. I have several different groupings of friends and family that have gotten together in the past and I think a post-Christmas-season gathering would be enjoyable. It's time to dust off my dialing finger and start to make some calls to initiate this.
I kicked into high gear on Mom's family history project a little bit later in January, last year. I think that I have that in the back of my mind. A week or 2 to idle and formulate a plan ... then I'll shift into first gear and start moving forward. Even as I write this, I know that I'll get moving sooner than that. I'm using my first 'back to work week' as my immediate excuse to sit idly by. But my brain waves are moving faster and the exhaustion levels are waning.
I can feel myself revving up for action within this (as yet) unmoving body. If I look at the long range goal, I feel a tad overwhelmed. But if I look at just making those first moves, it is a little exciting. I am somewhat afraid that I have bitten off more than I can chew. But if I take it one step at a time, I think the goals are within reach.
If I can accomplish goal #1 (to start exercising again), I think those early morning sessions of moving my body will send off the positive endorphins to put some of my other plans into action.
My motor is revving ....
As I sit here in a rather lack lustre mood as the new year begins, I'm giving myself a little time before I forge into the year full speed ahead. I'm revving my engines as I sit.
Oprah is starting her 'Best Life' series once again and I'm determined to incorporate some tidbits of the wisdom from that series into my life.
Number 1, is that I know that I need to get moving again. I exercised for several years and it made me feel good from the inside out. Exhaustion took over my life for a while, then procrastination set in. My final excuse of 2008 was that I just didn't have time in my days. Well, the Christmas season of preparations and gifting is over ... I think I should be able to spare an hour in my days.
Secondly, I have to get into high gear with some 'book projects' that I have started. I have massive amounts of information to organize with my first project. And I've just begun my second project. Step one is to try and figure out how to format my pages in the 'Word' program once again! I tried and failed when I first started this project and it is time to conquer that mountain so I can go onto another phase in organizing this information.
Then, I have some gatherings that I want to orchestrate. I have several different groupings of friends and family that have gotten together in the past and I think a post-Christmas-season gathering would be enjoyable. It's time to dust off my dialing finger and start to make some calls to initiate this.
I kicked into high gear on Mom's family history project a little bit later in January, last year. I think that I have that in the back of my mind. A week or 2 to idle and formulate a plan ... then I'll shift into first gear and start moving forward. Even as I write this, I know that I'll get moving sooner than that. I'm using my first 'back to work week' as my immediate excuse to sit idly by. But my brain waves are moving faster and the exhaustion levels are waning.
I can feel myself revving up for action within this (as yet) unmoving body. If I look at the long range goal, I feel a tad overwhelmed. But if I look at just making those first moves, it is a little exciting. I am somewhat afraid that I have bitten off more than I can chew. But if I take it one step at a time, I think the goals are within reach.
If I can accomplish goal #1 (to start exercising again), I think those early morning sessions of moving my body will send off the positive endorphins to put some of my other plans into action.
My motor is revving ....
Monday, January 5, 2009
Back to My Regular Life
I get swept up in holiday mode and I have become very, very good at doing nothing! It's a good thing that necessity requires that I get back to work because I could sure become accustomed to the laid back pace of holiday time.
What is it about time ... if you have too much of it, you accomplish less than if you are racing against the clock? I moved at holiday speed throughout my vacation time. I got up around the same time, but moved slower. I had less pressure to get things done, so I did the minimum required to get through my day. I had entire days without a defined schedule, and I wasted them.
I normally get my house 'day-care-ready' the day before I return from holidays. Yesterday I thought "Why waste my time and energy ... I'll do it when it has to be done ... and it will still get done in the end." I puttered around this morning, putting my house back in kid-mode. And it didn't take all that long (and I got to laze around an extra hour yesterday).
I was in absolutely no hurry to pack away our Christmas lights/decorations this year. I felt cheated out of 5 days of my Christmas lights (since I went away for 5 days), so I kept the lights on and decorations up. Until this morning. Back to kids, back to work meant back to my regular (unadorned and unlit) life. It was time. I'm glad I didn't rush the process though. I thoroughly enjoyed the lights of the Christmas season.
I'm not leaping for joy, to have my holidays behind me. Nor am I waking up dreading the day and responsibilities ahead. I guess that is good. I'm glad that I have the job that I do. I can ease back out of holiday mode and still enjoy the comfort of my home and a pretty good routine that we all fall back into after a break from our regular life.
Be it ever so humble ... this is a very good life.
What is it about time ... if you have too much of it, you accomplish less than if you are racing against the clock? I moved at holiday speed throughout my vacation time. I got up around the same time, but moved slower. I had less pressure to get things done, so I did the minimum required to get through my day. I had entire days without a defined schedule, and I wasted them.
I normally get my house 'day-care-ready' the day before I return from holidays. Yesterday I thought "Why waste my time and energy ... I'll do it when it has to be done ... and it will still get done in the end." I puttered around this morning, putting my house back in kid-mode. And it didn't take all that long (and I got to laze around an extra hour yesterday).
I was in absolutely no hurry to pack away our Christmas lights/decorations this year. I felt cheated out of 5 days of my Christmas lights (since I went away for 5 days), so I kept the lights on and decorations up. Until this morning. Back to kids, back to work meant back to my regular (unadorned and unlit) life. It was time. I'm glad I didn't rush the process though. I thoroughly enjoyed the lights of the Christmas season.
I'm not leaping for joy, to have my holidays behind me. Nor am I waking up dreading the day and responsibilities ahead. I guess that is good. I'm glad that I have the job that I do. I can ease back out of holiday mode and still enjoy the comfort of my home and a pretty good routine that we all fall back into after a break from our regular life.
Be it ever so humble ... this is a very good life.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Horizons
The view from a plane gives one a different perspective on the bustling life below ...
I couldn't stop being amazed by the view from above. I was amazed with this new vantage point. In the clouds, above the clouds, looking down from a clear sky to the manicured life that man has created and the natural landscape of the Great Lakes and treed areas.
In the daylight, you could see the natural wonders. In the darkness, you could see the man made wonders. The city lights, the surrounding urban areas brightly lit, with street lights marking the way. The country lights, more solitary but never alone. There was always another light in the vicinity. We are never alone no matter where we live.
As you gaze into the horizon, what do you see? The pathes you've travelled? The roads yet untaken?
Mom mentioned a sculpture that she had seen when she was on an Eastern Canada holiday years ago. It was called 'A Room at the Top'. The theme of this art was that we spend our lives striving to get to the top. Working hard, looking ahead, achieving goals. And when you finally get there, where are you? You are alone in this 'room at the top'. Your life wasn't about achieving goals, it was about the journey along the way.
I like to think of this plane ride as a glimpse of the view from that room at the top. I'm not there. I hope I never achieve the lonely place 'at the top'. I want my dreams to be endless, my goals to change along the way. I want to have a vision of where I want my life to lead, but I don't want to lose the art of living along the way. It is all about the memories along the journey.
I know that I need to have dreams to feel alive. When I stop dreaming forever, I would like to feel like I was enjoying the view from that 'room at the top' and looking back on my life, the detours along the way, the people who impacted my life and to know that I enjoyed the trip.
The sunrise (taken from the plane) on the first leg of my vacation. A new day, new hope, a wonder to behold.
Another in-flight view of the sunset as were homeward bound. The sun set on that day, but a new one was on the horizon.
I couldn't stop being amazed by the view from above. I was amazed with this new vantage point. In the clouds, above the clouds, looking down from a clear sky to the manicured life that man has created and the natural landscape of the Great Lakes and treed areas.
In the daylight, you could see the natural wonders. In the darkness, you could see the man made wonders. The city lights, the surrounding urban areas brightly lit, with street lights marking the way. The country lights, more solitary but never alone. There was always another light in the vicinity. We are never alone no matter where we live.
As you gaze into the horizon, what do you see? The pathes you've travelled? The roads yet untaken?
Mom mentioned a sculpture that she had seen when she was on an Eastern Canada holiday years ago. It was called 'A Room at the Top'. The theme of this art was that we spend our lives striving to get to the top. Working hard, looking ahead, achieving goals. And when you finally get there, where are you? You are alone in this 'room at the top'. Your life wasn't about achieving goals, it was about the journey along the way.
I like to think of this plane ride as a glimpse of the view from that room at the top. I'm not there. I hope I never achieve the lonely place 'at the top'. I want my dreams to be endless, my goals to change along the way. I want to have a vision of where I want my life to lead, but I don't want to lose the art of living along the way. It is all about the memories along the journey.
I know that I need to have dreams to feel alive. When I stop dreaming forever, I would like to feel like I was enjoying the view from that 'room at the top' and looking back on my life, the detours along the way, the people who impacted my life and to know that I enjoyed the trip.
The sunrise (taken from the plane) on the first leg of my vacation. A new day, new hope, a wonder to behold.
Another in-flight view of the sunset as were homeward bound. The sun set on that day, but a new one was on the horizon.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
In The Afterglow
It is January 3rd and I'm still sitting in the darkness with only the Christmas lights illuminating my morning. I love the lights. I have had a most wonderful season of joy.
It was just over a year ago that I started my blogging adventure. December 29th marked my first blog entry in MySpace. January 8th, I started my 'Life as I Know It' blog and transferred the MySpace entries over to this new blog. 299 blog entries for the year 2008. Not quite one a day, but not too bad.
Most of my thoughts, hopes and dreams for the year are written down in this blog. There are many veiled references in my entries that I am the only one who truly knows 'the rest of the story'. I can look at an entry and know what triggered the outpouring of words.
I can look back on this year and reflect on the mountains I have climbed, the specialness of an ordinary day, reflections of an event or nonevent.
I am not only sitting and savoring the afterglow of the Christmas season this morning. I am feeling the joy of looking back on the reflection of 'a year well spent'. And as we tread into this new year of 2009, I wonder what I may be reflecting on a year from now. Whether looking back on the wonder of it all ... obstacles that have been overcome ... a heart that aches over a loss ... or just a hum drum kind of year ... it is always nice to have something to reflect back on and see how far you've come.
It was just over a year ago that I started my blogging adventure. December 29th marked my first blog entry in MySpace. January 8th, I started my 'Life as I Know It' blog and transferred the MySpace entries over to this new blog. 299 blog entries for the year 2008. Not quite one a day, but not too bad.
Most of my thoughts, hopes and dreams for the year are written down in this blog. There are many veiled references in my entries that I am the only one who truly knows 'the rest of the story'. I can look at an entry and know what triggered the outpouring of words.
I can look back on this year and reflect on the mountains I have climbed, the specialness of an ordinary day, reflections of an event or nonevent.
I am not only sitting and savoring the afterglow of the Christmas season this morning. I am feeling the joy of looking back on the reflection of 'a year well spent'. And as we tread into this new year of 2009, I wonder what I may be reflecting on a year from now. Whether looking back on the wonder of it all ... obstacles that have been overcome ... a heart that aches over a loss ... or just a hum drum kind of year ... it is always nice to have something to reflect back on and see how far you've come.
Friday, January 2, 2009
It's Not My Time To Go!
When I wrote the entry "It's Been a Charmed Year" the day before my big holiday adventure, I was spooked.
I was flying off, leaving my family and home behind and placing my life in the hands of others. I felt that things were out of my control and it was scary. I was feeling so happy and my life felt so great that if my world was to stop ... it would have ended perfectly. My 'story' was a good one.
As I felt my concerns wane, I knew that I had only wrapped up another chapter of my life. I was ready and eager to start living the next one. There was far too much ahead of me to think that my 'book' had ended. I was safe and secure in my faith that all that was good and my story would continue.
Then ... last night as I unfolded the hide a bed so that we could stretch out and comfortably watch a movie, I was embarrassed to find crumbs, food and dirt everywhere. And that was just one small area of my house. My housekeeping has been put on a back burner and I'm sure that there is dust and dirt in every nook and cranny of my home.
It was then that I knew it for a fact. It is not my time to go ... my work here on earth is not complete. I need to clean my house first!!!
I was flying off, leaving my family and home behind and placing my life in the hands of others. I felt that things were out of my control and it was scary. I was feeling so happy and my life felt so great that if my world was to stop ... it would have ended perfectly. My 'story' was a good one.
As I felt my concerns wane, I knew that I had only wrapped up another chapter of my life. I was ready and eager to start living the next one. There was far too much ahead of me to think that my 'book' had ended. I was safe and secure in my faith that all that was good and my story would continue.
Then ... last night as I unfolded the hide a bed so that we could stretch out and comfortably watch a movie, I was embarrassed to find crumbs, food and dirt everywhere. And that was just one small area of my house. My housekeeping has been put on a back burner and I'm sure that there is dust and dirt in every nook and cranny of my home.
It was then that I knew it for a fact. It is not my time to go ... my work here on earth is not complete. I need to clean my house first!!!
Where Do I Begin?
I ended the old year, the way I brought in the new one. Out of my comfort zone and on a quest to collect more family memories ...
Mom and I went on an 'adventure' together, as I started the process of collecting my dad's family's stories. I travelled once on my own, about 23 years ago. A direct flight to Vancouver and minimal exposure to the ways of air travel. This time, I was on 5 different flights, met up with Mom and saw her off at 'her' airport, went through security on 4 different occasions and one transfer on the last leg of my journey. Hey, by the end of it all ... I was acting like the other passengers when the flight attendants went through the emergency procedures before every take-off (like I'd heard it all before). The first time through, I was the only person actually studying the guide that they place in the pocket of the seat in front of you. I feel like a veteran traveller now. If I was without dependents and with money, I could get used to the idea of flying off on solo adventures!
These are the words that I scrawled near the end of my first flight:
Dec 27/08 8:50 am
We barely ascended into the air when we began our descent! I had to have a cup of coffee ... just because I could! I feel as wide eyed a s a little kid - just taking in the whole flying experience. Alone.
This feeling has been very akin to my surgery "holiday" when I entrusted everything in my life to others ...
My family stepped in and took care of things so I could go on this solo vacation. Dale is taking care of Kurt for the duration. And Wes (arranged) for me to be driven to the airport. As I went through my mini anxiety attack, they assured me that I was worrying over nothing.
As I stepped into the airport today, found my way through security and was awaiting my departure, I felt all the worries seep out of my being. I was in the hands of the professionals now. They guided me through each step that I must do and they took care of the rest. It's out of my hands now. I cannot prepare for this any more. All arrangements have been made. My boys are taking care of everything on the home front. All that I have to do now, is sit back and enjoy the ride.
8:55 ... we are beginning our descent into Edmonton ...
And so my adventure began. I had many thoughts that I should have journaled as I went through the days. But the one prominent thought I had as I began this scary voyage, was that I entrusted my safety and fate to the powers that be. It felt very liberating to let go of all my day to day worries and just enjoy the 'ride' that was my holiday.
"Let go and let God" is an Alanon saying that I still hold close in my thoughts. When the world feels like a scary place and your worries feel overwhelming ... it is comforting to feel that there is a force stronger than yourself that is safely guiding your way. Just as my pilots safely navigated my way throughout my small adventure.
Mom and I went on an 'adventure' together, as I started the process of collecting my dad's family's stories. I travelled once on my own, about 23 years ago. A direct flight to Vancouver and minimal exposure to the ways of air travel. This time, I was on 5 different flights, met up with Mom and saw her off at 'her' airport, went through security on 4 different occasions and one transfer on the last leg of my journey. Hey, by the end of it all ... I was acting like the other passengers when the flight attendants went through the emergency procedures before every take-off (like I'd heard it all before). The first time through, I was the only person actually studying the guide that they place in the pocket of the seat in front of you. I feel like a veteran traveller now. If I was without dependents and with money, I could get used to the idea of flying off on solo adventures!
These are the words that I scrawled near the end of my first flight:
Dec 27/08 8:50 am
We barely ascended into the air when we began our descent! I had to have a cup of coffee ... just because I could! I feel as wide eyed a s a little kid - just taking in the whole flying experience. Alone.
This feeling has been very akin to my surgery "holiday" when I entrusted everything in my life to others ...
My family stepped in and took care of things so I could go on this solo vacation. Dale is taking care of Kurt for the duration. And Wes (arranged) for me to be driven to the airport. As I went through my mini anxiety attack, they assured me that I was worrying over nothing.
As I stepped into the airport today, found my way through security and was awaiting my departure, I felt all the worries seep out of my being. I was in the hands of the professionals now. They guided me through each step that I must do and they took care of the rest. It's out of my hands now. I cannot prepare for this any more. All arrangements have been made. My boys are taking care of everything on the home front. All that I have to do now, is sit back and enjoy the ride.
8:55 ... we are beginning our descent into Edmonton ...
And so my adventure began. I had many thoughts that I should have journaled as I went through the days. But the one prominent thought I had as I began this scary voyage, was that I entrusted my safety and fate to the powers that be. It felt very liberating to let go of all my day to day worries and just enjoy the 'ride' that was my holiday.
"Let go and let God" is an Alanon saying that I still hold close in my thoughts. When the world feels like a scary place and your worries feel overwhelming ... it is comforting to feel that there is a force stronger than yourself that is safely guiding your way. Just as my pilots safely navigated my way throughout my small adventure.
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