"It is after much thought and consideration that I am officially resigning from 'My Place of Employment' as of November 1, 2009.
I thank you for the opportunities that I was given during my employment. I am grateful for the experience, the friendships, the support and encouragement which I felt throughout my career with the 'My Employer'.
Thank you."
I just hit the 'Send' button and sent off my formal resignation via email.
This marks the end of a 21 3/4 year career. Granted, I've been holding on by a thread the past 11 years. Between my maternity leave, a year leave of absence, working Saturdays-only for 9 years and my final year leave of absence ... one could hardly say that I've had much more than a very tenuous connection to my place of employment.
The past year has been a year of knowing. I knew that if I returned, it would be under duress. It was nice to know I had the ability to go back to work, as a back up plan. But it wasn't my first choice.
My first choice, is continuing to work as I have been the past 11 years. I'm a self-motivated and self-propelled type of person. It has served me well.
So ... I'm taking another leap of faith. This leap doesn't come with a safety net.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Best Under Pressure
As I ran about this morning, tending to all of the small little jobs that aren't getting done regularly, now that I'm not home with a house full of kids all day ... I got thinking.
Why is it so much easier to keep on top of things, when there is so much else to do? What happens when a person slows down? Why does taking out the garbage become such a big deal?
Garbage used to be a no-brainer. I had kids in diapers. Where there are diapers, there is garbage that must be tended. Daily. As I threw out the smelly garbage, I just ran around the house and emptied all the other garbage at the same time. There's no sense in wasting a plastic bag ... I would fill it up. Garbage went out regularly. I didn't even think about it.
Cat litter. Our cat must think I've gone on strike. I used to go into the laundry room several times a day. Between gathering up what I may need from the deep freeze for lunches and snacks ... the eternal laundry ... and the never ending need to replenish our milk and toilet paper supply upstairs, I was in the laundry room many times a day. So ... the cat litter got cleaned. These days? I can go days without entering the laundry room. Some nights our cat starts howling a tune like he is really trying to tell us something. I think he's saying, "Would someone please clean my litter box??"
Recycling. There used to be so many empty milk jugs, soup cans and other miscellaneous recycling that piled up in the recycling spot right outside the door ... that emptying it was as natural as taking out the garbage. Now that I don't have dirty diapers in the (what used to be) dirty diaper garbage can (right beside the recycling one) ... I fill up both of them. Then, it's even a 'bigger' job and it gets put off. Crazy.
Cooking. I don't have to make lunch every day, for my preschool set. Yet ... cooking one good meal each Sunday for my family feels like an onerous task.
As I went to grab a Kleenex this morning, I looked up and was amazed to realize that I haven't needed to replace the Kleenex since my full time daycare load was decreased.
I haven't wiped a nose or changed a diaper for over a month. I quit taking out garbage, cleaning cat litter and doing laundry on a daily basis. I rarely cook ... we just forage to find something relatively healthy and balanced to fill our stomachs at supper time.
Yet ... I feel like I have less time on my hands than ever.
What is wrong with this picture?? I guess I need more to do ... I seem to work best under pressure.
Why is it so much easier to keep on top of things, when there is so much else to do? What happens when a person slows down? Why does taking out the garbage become such a big deal?
Garbage used to be a no-brainer. I had kids in diapers. Where there are diapers, there is garbage that must be tended. Daily. As I threw out the smelly garbage, I just ran around the house and emptied all the other garbage at the same time. There's no sense in wasting a plastic bag ... I would fill it up. Garbage went out regularly. I didn't even think about it.
Cat litter. Our cat must think I've gone on strike. I used to go into the laundry room several times a day. Between gathering up what I may need from the deep freeze for lunches and snacks ... the eternal laundry ... and the never ending need to replenish our milk and toilet paper supply upstairs, I was in the laundry room many times a day. So ... the cat litter got cleaned. These days? I can go days without entering the laundry room. Some nights our cat starts howling a tune like he is really trying to tell us something. I think he's saying, "Would someone please clean my litter box??"
Recycling. There used to be so many empty milk jugs, soup cans and other miscellaneous recycling that piled up in the recycling spot right outside the door ... that emptying it was as natural as taking out the garbage. Now that I don't have dirty diapers in the (what used to be) dirty diaper garbage can (right beside the recycling one) ... I fill up both of them. Then, it's even a 'bigger' job and it gets put off. Crazy.
Cooking. I don't have to make lunch every day, for my preschool set. Yet ... cooking one good meal each Sunday for my family feels like an onerous task.
As I went to grab a Kleenex this morning, I looked up and was amazed to realize that I haven't needed to replace the Kleenex since my full time daycare load was decreased.
I haven't wiped a nose or changed a diaper for over a month. I quit taking out garbage, cleaning cat litter and doing laundry on a daily basis. I rarely cook ... we just forage to find something relatively healthy and balanced to fill our stomachs at supper time.
Yet ... I feel like I have less time on my hands than ever.
What is wrong with this picture?? I guess I need more to do ... I seem to work best under pressure.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Blank Monday
I logged into my blog this morning, to discover a completely blank entry for yesterday. I knew I did something kinda funky yesterday, as I tried to add some words. I double checked the blog but as far as I could see, nothing happened. Yet ... this morning. There it was. Nothing (the date, the time ... and nothing else).
The thoughts rambling through my head yesterday were far from nothing. Too much, perhaps. But never nothing.
First thought of the day:
"Another cloudy day" ... I don't mind cloudy days when I feel sunny inside. But I had talked to so many people recently that commented on the weather, their mood and how it affected their ability to cope. The dreary days seem to impact many people in a negative fashion. I wish I could wave my magical wand and grant inner sunny-ness to all those who suffer with gloom on those cloudy days.
Next thought:
"All I can think about is dancing!" The dance showcase is nearing and there is an electricity in the air at the dance studio. I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Singing, beating out a tune and dancing a few steps. The music within is plentiful (I think it helps with the sunny disposition on dreary days too). I also realized, that the dance studio is where I have the most contact with other adult beings these days. As I recall the conversations I have, most of them are within the walls of the studio. So I carry a small piece of the magic of the dance studio with me in between lessons. It's grand!
Then as the day went on:
I'm getting frustrated.
I thought I had a plan all mapped out for the month of October. A way to try and spread out my down time. Yet, five days into the month it was all going downhill.
School - I logged excess hours during the month of September. I'm a few weeks ahead of where I'm scheduled to be, in my studies. My marks are averaging in a range I feel good about. I'm putting in the time, effort and studying required and it's paying off.
So ... I thought I'd check to see if I can try to keep my hours at the school down to the minimum. I was told it was possible ... but not recommended.
I had planned on making the most of those few extra hours - to run around and tend to some of the 'girly stuff' (clothes, hair, jewelry) that needs to be tended for the dance showcase. But most of all, I planned to log in a lot of book keeping hours so that I could have more down-time during the evenings and weekends. Shot down.
I'm going to come at it from a different angle today. Talk to someone else and state my case. There has got to be a way!
Weekends - This past weekend was an ideal mix of work, play, family and alone time. If I could patent the recipe that was last weekend, I would. It was ideal.
Now ... a long weekend is pending. I was thrilled. Three entire days. I have outside work to tend to. I have a book keeping task that should be able to be wrapped up this weekend if I can work steadily at it. Kurt wants to go and see a movie. I even promised to cook a turkey supper for my family.
But ... it has been suggested that we try and make this Thanksgiving a 'family affair'. More than our own immediate family. Which requires giving up those 3 days.
Three days. Is it really too much to give up for the sake of family? No. But it just wasn't in my plans. Especially since I was told that I should still put in a full week of school despite the long weekend taking up an extra day.
So ... yesterday, I wrote nothing.
Today ... I shall try it all again.
The thoughts rambling through my head yesterday were far from nothing. Too much, perhaps. But never nothing.
First thought of the day:
"Another cloudy day" ... I don't mind cloudy days when I feel sunny inside. But I had talked to so many people recently that commented on the weather, their mood and how it affected their ability to cope. The dreary days seem to impact many people in a negative fashion. I wish I could wave my magical wand and grant inner sunny-ness to all those who suffer with gloom on those cloudy days.
Next thought:
"All I can think about is dancing!" The dance showcase is nearing and there is an electricity in the air at the dance studio. I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Singing, beating out a tune and dancing a few steps. The music within is plentiful (I think it helps with the sunny disposition on dreary days too). I also realized, that the dance studio is where I have the most contact with other adult beings these days. As I recall the conversations I have, most of them are within the walls of the studio. So I carry a small piece of the magic of the dance studio with me in between lessons. It's grand!
Then as the day went on:
I'm getting frustrated.
I thought I had a plan all mapped out for the month of October. A way to try and spread out my down time. Yet, five days into the month it was all going downhill.
School - I logged excess hours during the month of September. I'm a few weeks ahead of where I'm scheduled to be, in my studies. My marks are averaging in a range I feel good about. I'm putting in the time, effort and studying required and it's paying off.
So ... I thought I'd check to see if I can try to keep my hours at the school down to the minimum. I was told it was possible ... but not recommended.
I had planned on making the most of those few extra hours - to run around and tend to some of the 'girly stuff' (clothes, hair, jewelry) that needs to be tended for the dance showcase. But most of all, I planned to log in a lot of book keeping hours so that I could have more down-time during the evenings and weekends. Shot down.
I'm going to come at it from a different angle today. Talk to someone else and state my case. There has got to be a way!
Weekends - This past weekend was an ideal mix of work, play, family and alone time. If I could patent the recipe that was last weekend, I would. It was ideal.
Now ... a long weekend is pending. I was thrilled. Three entire days. I have outside work to tend to. I have a book keeping task that should be able to be wrapped up this weekend if I can work steadily at it. Kurt wants to go and see a movie. I even promised to cook a turkey supper for my family.
But ... it has been suggested that we try and make this Thanksgiving a 'family affair'. More than our own immediate family. Which requires giving up those 3 days.
Three days. Is it really too much to give up for the sake of family? No. But it just wasn't in my plans. Especially since I was told that I should still put in a full week of school despite the long weekend taking up an extra day.
So ... yesterday, I wrote nothing.
Today ... I shall try it all again.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
It Looks Like It's Gonna Be Another One of Those Weeks ...
My horoscope for the week ahead:
"You can be an incredibly social creature when you want to be. But you also have the ability to devote hours upon hours alone in a dedicated and focused effort toward something you want. This is the mode you will often be in this week. Your motivated and intense style will help you to achieve a dearly held goal."
That said, I'm going to go back to my solo endeavors for the day. I got so busy with what was on my agenda, that I forgot to stop in and 'blog' this morning.
I'm making the most of my Sunday. It's going by all too quickly!
"You can be an incredibly social creature when you want to be. But you also have the ability to devote hours upon hours alone in a dedicated and focused effort toward something you want. This is the mode you will often be in this week. Your motivated and intense style will help you to achieve a dearly held goal."
That said, I'm going to go back to my solo endeavors for the day. I got so busy with what was on my agenda, that I forgot to stop in and 'blog' this morning.
I'm making the most of my Sunday. It's going by all too quickly!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Illusion of Time
'The Secret' talks of how powerful your thinking is. If you think, believe and act like you have a shortage of money ... that shortage translated into you in life. And so (I believe), it is with time.
I had an entire day at my disposal yesterday. 24 hours in which to choose my own direction. Sure, I had goals. But most importantly I felt that I had an excessive amount of time to work with.
I played while I worked (the mindless task of doing statements is ever so much more fun when you turn on the music and sing and dance a little while you are doing it). At one point during the job, I could hold a conversation without affecting the speed in which I was working. The job took 4 hours to complete. But I had fun while I did it.
Grocery shopping has become my most dreaded chore. With my leftover time at the end of the statements, I got that trip to the grocery store taken care of. But what did I do to add a different dimension to that task? I decided to quickly check out the clothing stores at the mall. It is time to start thinking about my costumes and accessories for the upcoming dance showcase. It added a spark to the dreary task of filling the cupboards on a cool, cloudy and somewhat miserable day.
I like my weekend to start with a clean house, so I had my 'Friday chores' to work into the day. Once the kids came home from school, I knew I was limited as to what I could accomplish. So I thought that I may as well start cleaning when the kids were home and settled in. I can't begin to count the interruptions that I had, as I went about my cleaning. But eventually ... it got done.
By the time my weekend officially began at 6 pm last night, I felt that all of the must-do items on my eternal-to-do-list were done. And the best part? At no point in my day, did I feel like I was racing against the clock.
The clock and I are forever waging battles against each other. I race to try and accomplish "X" amount of things in "Y" amount of time. When I must be someplace, I leave the house as late as I possibly can so that I don't waste any time sitting around waiting for an appointment time. When we drive long distances, the timer in my mind is set the moment we back out of the driveway. How long will it take to get there?
How much work can I squeeze into a set amount of time? How fast can I get from "A" to "B"? How many errands can I run with the limited time that I have between one commitment and another? How much can I get done before my daycare kids go home for the day? How fast can I finish a course? How far can I push the limits so that I can accomplish as much as possible with the time that I have at my disposal?
My dance instructor calls me "Speedy" ... I carry my energy onto the dance floor (and takes a great amount of pleasure in trying to slow me down at times). Why do I feel that there is never enough time?? Why don't I slow down??
Well yesterday ... I did. I relaxed and let the day unfold in its own way, at its own pace. My heart slowed down ... I felt the music that I enveloped myself in ... I puttered the day away and climbed a few hills.
I didn't move mountains yesterday. The day seemed to go on forever as I slowed down and enjoyed the music of my life.
I need to carry the thought of 'excessive time' into the days ahead. Breathe and savor the moment. And trust that there are many more of those moments ahead ...
I had an entire day at my disposal yesterday. 24 hours in which to choose my own direction. Sure, I had goals. But most importantly I felt that I had an excessive amount of time to work with.
I played while I worked (the mindless task of doing statements is ever so much more fun when you turn on the music and sing and dance a little while you are doing it). At one point during the job, I could hold a conversation without affecting the speed in which I was working. The job took 4 hours to complete. But I had fun while I did it.
Grocery shopping has become my most dreaded chore. With my leftover time at the end of the statements, I got that trip to the grocery store taken care of. But what did I do to add a different dimension to that task? I decided to quickly check out the clothing stores at the mall. It is time to start thinking about my costumes and accessories for the upcoming dance showcase. It added a spark to the dreary task of filling the cupboards on a cool, cloudy and somewhat miserable day.
I like my weekend to start with a clean house, so I had my 'Friday chores' to work into the day. Once the kids came home from school, I knew I was limited as to what I could accomplish. So I thought that I may as well start cleaning when the kids were home and settled in. I can't begin to count the interruptions that I had, as I went about my cleaning. But eventually ... it got done.
By the time my weekend officially began at 6 pm last night, I felt that all of the must-do items on my eternal-to-do-list were done. And the best part? At no point in my day, did I feel like I was racing against the clock.
The clock and I are forever waging battles against each other. I race to try and accomplish "X" amount of things in "Y" amount of time. When I must be someplace, I leave the house as late as I possibly can so that I don't waste any time sitting around waiting for an appointment time. When we drive long distances, the timer in my mind is set the moment we back out of the driveway. How long will it take to get there?
How much work can I squeeze into a set amount of time? How fast can I get from "A" to "B"? How many errands can I run with the limited time that I have between one commitment and another? How much can I get done before my daycare kids go home for the day? How fast can I finish a course? How far can I push the limits so that I can accomplish as much as possible with the time that I have at my disposal?
My dance instructor calls me "Speedy" ... I carry my energy onto the dance floor (and takes a great amount of pleasure in trying to slow me down at times). Why do I feel that there is never enough time?? Why don't I slow down??
Well yesterday ... I did. I relaxed and let the day unfold in its own way, at its own pace. My heart slowed down ... I felt the music that I enveloped myself in ... I puttered the day away and climbed a few hills.
I didn't move mountains yesterday. The day seemed to go on forever as I slowed down and enjoyed the music of my life.
I need to carry the thought of 'excessive time' into the days ahead. Breathe and savor the moment. And trust that there are many more of those moments ahead ...
Friday, October 2, 2009
One Day!
This is the day I've been waiting for. This is the day that I mapped out in my 'time budget' before I started back to school. This is that illusive day off (thanks to the school forever granting the kids a day off, a long weekend and the school year starting on a Tuesday). This is my day!
I have put in my required school hours for the week. I am done. The kids are off to school today. I shall be alone.
I got tingly every single time I thought of the reality of this day coming true yesterday. A day on my own!
I went to bed, knowing that I had a free day. A day that I have to do with, as I please.
I woke up this morning, with my heart racing. This is my day!
What are my plans?
I plan to work. I have aspirations of putting in a full day of book keeping, so that I can take Sunday off. Sunday will be 'our' day.
Sunday will consist of ... a morning to do with, as I please. An afternoon that is wide open. Sunday is our family supper day. The previous family suppers have been squeezed in to a busy Sunday. Not this week.
I am taking today and making it work for me. I'm giving 'my day' to my family ...
I have put in my required school hours for the week. I am done. The kids are off to school today. I shall be alone.
I got tingly every single time I thought of the reality of this day coming true yesterday. A day on my own!
I went to bed, knowing that I had a free day. A day that I have to do with, as I please.
I woke up this morning, with my heart racing. This is my day!
What are my plans?
I plan to work. I have aspirations of putting in a full day of book keeping, so that I can take Sunday off. Sunday will be 'our' day.
Sunday will consist of ... a morning to do with, as I please. An afternoon that is wide open. Sunday is our family supper day. The previous family suppers have been squeezed in to a busy Sunday. Not this week.
I am taking today and making it work for me. I'm giving 'my day' to my family ...
Thursday, October 1, 2009
One Month In ...
Today is the one month anniversary of my return to school. True to my analytical mind, I was tallying up the hours spent on this, that and the other thing as the month wound to a close.
I've lived the first month in 'real life' ... the time budget that I made up for myself at the onset of this life change couldn't be further from the reality.
What I'll keep:
School!!! I love it, love it, love it!! I'm starting to learn things that actually apply to the book keeping job that I have. I've learned the simplest things about computers and even calculators that I didn't know before ... and now I utilize these simple tools every day in my real life. I love to exercise my brain. My only fear is that I haven't challenged it enough.
Family suppers! They came about in a round about way, but it was the suggestion of #1 son that initiated this event. Eagerly seconded by Second Son. Kurt? He is guaranteed one hot, well balanced meal a week. And me? I'm lovin' it. Except ... as the third family meal wound to a close, I couldn't help but think "When are we going to go out for supper??"
Dancing! Yes!!! I'll be glad when the showcase comes ... and goes. It will mean one less night at the dance studio. But after the month that I had, I actually couldn't wait to get to the dance studio last night to remove my head from the busyness that has occupied the previously unoccupied space. It is the 'fun factor' in my life. It stays.
Time off! I took 3 complete and total days off for the September long weekend. It was wonderful in every way. I indulged myself in a small trip with friends, a day to myself, Kurt was happy and it was relaxing in every way. I think my goal for the months ahead would be to stagger those complete and total days of relaxation into 'one day a week' instead of 3 days at the beginning of the month and time 'as life dictated' scattered throughout the remainder of the month. Sundays off are my goal.
Writing ... it's a keeper and always will be. The blog? It's my favorite way to spend a cup of coffee (except a face to face visit with someone will always take precedent). Family histories? Still a passion. But they are on a back burner for now. 'Putter' is my goal. A little bit here and a little bit there. I'm not forgetting the ultimate goal. But for now, I just have to put other things first.
Work (no exclamation point). It is required. It is good. But it took up every spare moment of my time last month and I'm tired. I achieved my goal of logging 80 hours of work in the month. But I have to find a better way of doing it. Working all weekend isn't good for Kurt, my friendships/family or my sanity. Yes, the work must remain. But I'm going to aim towards moderation (and Sundays off, of course).
Kids. Hmmm. As my kid-hours wane, I wonder how I ever did this full time. The bickering for the 45 minutes to an hour that I have 3 children drives me nuts. My usual phrase is "I have 3 rooms and I know how to use them!" But really? Do they really have to argue about every little thing? My kid days are coming to an end. I felt it before. I know it now.
TV. That's another 'hmmm' topic. I have made the effort to try and watch some of my (taped) favorite TV shows as the season premiere week descended upon us. I enjoy it. But last night, I grabbed not only a bowl of ice cream ... but the remainder of a bag of chips (granted, it took me 4 sittings to consume that bag) ... and 4 packages of 'Fruit Gushers' so that I could stay awake long enough to get through 'Desperate Housewives'. The TV programs stay ... the excessive eating must stop.
Speaking of excess eating ... my clothes fit better after one month of this new life. My appetite (except when I eat to stay awake) is normal and good. I think this new life is good for my waist line.
I've learned a lot this past month. Not all of it from school ...
I've lived the first month in 'real life' ... the time budget that I made up for myself at the onset of this life change couldn't be further from the reality.
What I'll keep:
School!!! I love it, love it, love it!! I'm starting to learn things that actually apply to the book keeping job that I have. I've learned the simplest things about computers and even calculators that I didn't know before ... and now I utilize these simple tools every day in my real life. I love to exercise my brain. My only fear is that I haven't challenged it enough.
Family suppers! They came about in a round about way, but it was the suggestion of #1 son that initiated this event. Eagerly seconded by Second Son. Kurt? He is guaranteed one hot, well balanced meal a week. And me? I'm lovin' it. Except ... as the third family meal wound to a close, I couldn't help but think "When are we going to go out for supper??"
Dancing! Yes!!! I'll be glad when the showcase comes ... and goes. It will mean one less night at the dance studio. But after the month that I had, I actually couldn't wait to get to the dance studio last night to remove my head from the busyness that has occupied the previously unoccupied space. It is the 'fun factor' in my life. It stays.
Time off! I took 3 complete and total days off for the September long weekend. It was wonderful in every way. I indulged myself in a small trip with friends, a day to myself, Kurt was happy and it was relaxing in every way. I think my goal for the months ahead would be to stagger those complete and total days of relaxation into 'one day a week' instead of 3 days at the beginning of the month and time 'as life dictated' scattered throughout the remainder of the month. Sundays off are my goal.
Writing ... it's a keeper and always will be. The blog? It's my favorite way to spend a cup of coffee (except a face to face visit with someone will always take precedent). Family histories? Still a passion. But they are on a back burner for now. 'Putter' is my goal. A little bit here and a little bit there. I'm not forgetting the ultimate goal. But for now, I just have to put other things first.
Work (no exclamation point). It is required. It is good. But it took up every spare moment of my time last month and I'm tired. I achieved my goal of logging 80 hours of work in the month. But I have to find a better way of doing it. Working all weekend isn't good for Kurt, my friendships/family or my sanity. Yes, the work must remain. But I'm going to aim towards moderation (and Sundays off, of course).
Kids. Hmmm. As my kid-hours wane, I wonder how I ever did this full time. The bickering for the 45 minutes to an hour that I have 3 children drives me nuts. My usual phrase is "I have 3 rooms and I know how to use them!" But really? Do they really have to argue about every little thing? My kid days are coming to an end. I felt it before. I know it now.
TV. That's another 'hmmm' topic. I have made the effort to try and watch some of my (taped) favorite TV shows as the season premiere week descended upon us. I enjoy it. But last night, I grabbed not only a bowl of ice cream ... but the remainder of a bag of chips (granted, it took me 4 sittings to consume that bag) ... and 4 packages of 'Fruit Gushers' so that I could stay awake long enough to get through 'Desperate Housewives'. The TV programs stay ... the excessive eating must stop.
Speaking of excess eating ... my clothes fit better after one month of this new life. My appetite (except when I eat to stay awake) is normal and good. I think this new life is good for my waist line.
I've learned a lot this past month. Not all of it from school ...
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