Thoughts of Gratitude

Gratitude is something that I live and breathe every day of the year. Unconsciously, I whisper ''thank you'' aloud on a regular basis.

The ability to be sitting here at my computer alone provides a chapter full of words of thanks. The ability to sit, read, write, communicate with family and friends that span the continent ... at any time of the day or night. My health and the good health of my family, which makes it easy to have the energy to focus on other things. My family, which is a phone call, an email or one 'SOS' away. My friends - which I may not see on a regular basis ... but I know that they are there. My home - that provides shelter from not only the weather, but is my oasis in the storm. It is a place I love being, coming home to, being confined to and inviting the people of my life into.

That's all 'old news'. That is the stuff that I am eternally grateful for every single breath of every single day. On this Thanksgiving Day, I'm grateful for the adversities in my life.

Without the challenges that I had along the way, I shudder to think where I may be right now. What I fear, is that I would be in a place where life's simple gifts weren't something that I appreciated.

I've had to climb out of a few valleys that felt overwhelming at the time. The last battle was one that was starting to overtake me. But I got out. I tossed a life-line to people I trusted ... and they walked with me through the darkness.

They couldn't do anything for me. But they supported me, listened to me, were there for me and I trusted them with my innermost thoughts. I had to do the work alone. But I had family and friends at my side.

Enduring the 'storms' of life changed me. I am a better person for living the life that I have led. But most importantly ... I am hoping that my children will walk in my footsteps when adversity comes there way.

Being the parent of adult children is a wonderful place to be. I believe that I am a better parent now, than I was 'then'. Back in the days of my children's youth, one long bear-hug (to assure them that I was there for them) would have helped to keep their darkest fears at bay. But many times, I wasn't there for them. I was too busy growing up and climbing out of the hills and valleys of my life at that time.

As a mother to my adult sons, I feel stronger. I am here now. I can empathize, listen and feel some of what they feel. I can't do the work for them ... but I can walk along with them. They are not alone.

I am championing for my children as they walk the rough paths of life. And when I see them stand up tall, in the face of adversity ... take the road less travelled ... the road that is an uphill battle and tough to walk ... I am proud and happy for them beyond words.

It's a small thing, but maybe one thing that they did learn from me is stand up and endure the challenges of life. Because you just don't know what is around the next corner.

It's hard to be grateful for life's adversities when you are in the thick of them. You have to believe that if you work through those times and strive to build a life where you won't repeat the mistakes of your past ... you will one day look back at these dark days and say "Thank you."

You will be grateful. One day.

A Horoscope That I Deserve

My horoscope for the week ahead:

"Those who usually praise you might be less attentive than usual. It's an opportunity to look within. Could this be the result of some strange opinion you've formed about yourself? A change in the way you see yourself results in a change in the way others see you. Personal triumphs precede public victories."

After Friday's blog where I 'tooted my own horn', by including some of the comments that I had received throughout the day ... I just laughed when I read that horoscope.

After I wrote that blog, I went back to it and was going to delete the quotes I included. I didn't have the energy to reword it and I thought that it sort of 'fit' with the back story. So I left it as it was.

So I am grateful that those who usually praise me will not be so attentive this week. Yes ... I need to look within and not feel so needy.

The strange opinion I've formed about myself? For the most part, I think 'I'm okay' ... that is rather strange, isn't it?

Personal triumphs over public victories? I'll take that any day.

And so the next week of my life begins ... what would I do without that weekly horoscope to guide my way?

Goal Setting

My mom tells me that she used to go to bed and map out the next day in her mind. Setting goals ... making an agenda ... these are the thoughts that she used to go to sleep with.

Now that her life has slowed down, there would be a variation of what she will accomplish 'tomorrow'. But I can imagine her trying to fill her last conscious moments of the day with pleasant thoughts.

My dad was a hard worker. I don't know the inner workings of how he thought, but from what I remember and what I hear, I know that he was a goal setter as well.

Together, they were a good team - each of them ambitious and hard working. Things got done.

As I constantly set goals for myself, I hope that I have inherited that trait from my parents.

I've committed myself to many things this past while. I've been overwhelmed and overloaded.

I got selfish this weekend and stayed home to try and accomplish some work-goals as well as make time for rest, relaxation and time with Kurt.

I had the pleasure of letting yesterday unfold in a way that was quite different than the 'Plan A', that I had in mind.

My plan was to put in a full day of work. I also had a smattering of errands to run on the opposite side of the city, so I checked out the closing times of the stores involved and decided 4:15 would be the time that I would have to put work aside and tend to life.

Just as my day got started, a friend who was in the neighborhood called and had time to drop by for a visit. A slight variation in my plans ... but I went with the flow and thoroughly enjoyed the visit.

The rest of the day unfolded according to plan and I was home from my errand-running with supper in hand and had 'booked' the time with Kurt to sit down and finish watching a movie.

Ahhh ... the good life.

Exhaustion set in early. I simply couldn't function or keep my eyes open by 8:00. So I went to bed.

This morning, my pre-waking thoughts were of the 'goals verses reality' theme. I set many, many goals. I achieve a lot of them ... but not all.

I never want to lose this drive. My goals may change as my life goes on ... but I do hope that my life always keeps me busy enough to go to sleep, excited about what the next day will bring.

The Bad and The Good of Yesterday

Yesterday was truly a stand-out kind of day.

Oh ... it was a tough one to endure. The kids were out of school yesterday and I really, really had no tolerance for a day full of bickering and tattling. I laid down the law early in the day. No warnings, no Mrs. Nice Guy. Bam! "This is the way it's going to be and if you have trouble with that, leave the room and don't play." Not pretty. But for the most part, it worked.

I had a book keeping task that I really wanted to wind up that day and send at least one box of work home with its rightful owner.

I started the job as 12:30 pm. I stood at the kitchen table as I sorted, organized and added up the months invoices. I was so tired that I thought something must be physically wrong with me. But I convinced myself to just keep on moving forward and see how I felt after I got the first phase of the job done. Sure enough, once the enormity of the job was behind me, my energy level picked up and I finished what I started.

I had plans to go out to see a family member perform in a coffee shop last night. As the day wore on, I thought "I just can't do it." I had invited Number One and Two Sons to come along but, I was intent on going alone if they didn't want to join me.

As the day wore on, I was convinced that I would be backing out of my evening plans. But ... after my book keeping was done ... after the house was clean ... minutes after my last for the last child left ... the phone rang. Son #1 was up for supper and an evening out. So ... out we went.

Energy levels completely revived, I was going on a 'date' with my son!!

The evening was perfect. I picked the restaurant (I hate being responsible for that choice) and our meal was great. Whew! That pressure was relieved. Then we headed to the coffee shop where my cousin's son/girlfriend were performing. A coffee shop where the beverage of choice is 'anything coffee'. My son is not a coffee drinker and I felt his angst as he stood in front of the vast coffee menu. Eventually, he did find something to his liking and we went and joined my cousins.

It was nothing ... but it was everything. The music this couple makes together is thoroughly enjoyable. We did some light visiting with the family that was there and I was so relieved to see my son relaxed with the situation and appearing to enjoy himself. The evening was simply not something that I could ever imagined the two of us doing, not so long ago. It was a gift.

Added to that gift was an inbox full of incredibly encouraging words sprinkled generously throughout a 15 hour period of 'life as I was living it'. It was as if some unknown, cosmic connection knew that I needed a little help getting through the day. These are just a few of the words that I received as the day wore on:

(About my job resignation)
9:48 am "It has truly been a pleasure working with you over the years"
9:53 am "... she was described as valued, hard working, amazing, and a wonderful team member. She will certainly be missed"

(In regards to a blog I set up for our dance group to try and help us practice between lessons)
3:28 pm "What a genius you are!"

(From my cousin's wife, after we spent the evening enjoying the talents of their son)
12:27 am "You are such sweet person"

Wow. What a day. As our talented singer/song writer told us last night (about a song she wrote about 'black' and 'white'), you need to experience the bad parts of life to fully appreciate the good. She said it much more eloquently than that but you get the idea.

For me, the day was full of small 'black' moments. But it made the 'white' ever so much sweeter.

Internet Addiction

The Internet is down this morning. And I’m lost …

I had to actually turn on a TV to find out the temperature (thankfully the cable is working). My pre-waking thoughts were about a ‘YouTube’ video that I want to post on another blog that I have. No Internet = no YouTube … and no access to my blogs.

I can’t check in on the blogs I’m following. I have a few emails I want to send. There is a new TV series that I stumbled upon yesterday that I can watch on the TV channel’s website. But not this morning.

I grabbed a pen and paper and I thought that I would start to write my weekly letter to my mom. But then one of the kids sat down at the table to finish his breakfast and I didn’t feel like sharing the space.

So … I wandered over to the computer. I’ll write this now and post it when the Internet is working again. Sitting down and letting my early morning thoughts flow through my fingertips has become the norm for me.

This crazy world of technology has me hooked. I like it … but I don’t feel comfortable with my addiction.

Cell phones … I love them for emergency and convenience. But not as a sole means of contacting a person. The thing I hate about them is the fact that they demand too much attention. I prefer to leave a message for someone who isn’t home rather than interrupt someone who is out and about with a cell phone. The way I normally work around that, is to email those that are 'too connected' and let them get back to me at their convenience. Not this morning ...

The Internet came back up before I finished writing this blog. I immediately sent off a few emails, followed up on my pre-waking thoughts and added those YouTube videos to another blog, checked the temperature and cruised a few other Internet stops before I came back to finish this off.

This addiction is troubling. But ... I'm not hurting anyone. Or am I?? Maybe some face-to-face, one-on-one contact should replace the connection that I have through the Internet world. Then again, it all boils down to time and convenience. The Internet Connection allows me to connect with anyone at any time. I'm not forcing myself upon anyone. And that ... is my style.

I like putting my words 'out there' for people to read when it is convenient for them. I don't like forcing my presence on anyone.

I may not cure this addiction entirely. There is too much to be gained. But I will try not to panic when outside forces make me look for other ways to connect to the world when that tenuous Internet connection is broken.

The Life of a Cat

As I have become the 'chosen one' by our cat ... I somehow feel honored.

Our cat took up sleeping on my bed after I started opening my door at night. Then suddenly, he stopped. I would find him in any one of his favorite sleeping spots in the morning ... but he stopped choosing me. As much of a bed hog that he is, for some reason I felt slighted.

Our cat is a very sociable one. He loves people, kids and activity. He's not one of those cats that hides in secluded spots when things get chaotic. He's grown up in a house full of kids and he's been known to slumber deeply in the midst of kids, noise and confusion. One time, one the kids piled toys up all around and on top of him while he slept. And he just kept on sleeping.

We have thwarted his escape attempts for the most part, this summer. Our friendly cat loves nothing more than to wander the neighborhood and come back when he chooses to do so. Our neighbor tells me that he often comes to call, when he is on the loose. He says hello, plays with their dog and moves on. I'd love to have a little 'kitty-cam' mounted on his forehead, so that I could see where he goes and what he does. I have a strong feeling that he has friends that he drops in on. I can just see him calling on his favorite people and animal friends in the neighborhood ...

He seems to get wound up by company. As we sit and visit in the kitchen, our cat will race through the house at top speed. He howls a little bit as well (in case we missed the blur of black fur as he speeds by). It's as if he is jealous and wants some of the attention.

Every time my mom comes to stay, he parks himself on top of her suitcase at some point. He is black, as is her suitcase. I think he thinks he's camouflaged and we can't see him as he spreads his cat hair and scent to mark his territory. He loves to warm up her bed and generally acts as the good will ambassador to our home.

Any sleep over guests I have, close their bedroom door at night. They have little desire to share their bed and peaceful nights sleep with my friendly ball of fur. Except my uncle. An animal lover at heart, he opened his door at night so that our cat could come and go as he pleased. I think our cat thought that was 'as it should be' and quite enjoyed the liberties he was able to take with that open door policy.

Our cat has no self esteem issues. He loves the people in our world and knows that they will love him back (and I think he thinks it's their loss, if they don't). He graces us with his company and lavishes us with his attention.

I think he loves it best when Kurt and I actually sit down together in the same room and watch a movie. He goes back and forth between us until we have both had the pleasure of loving him. Then he perches himself directly in the middle of us. Surrounded by his two favorite people in the world ... he is content.

I remind him often, that he is very lucky. I look longingly at him, as he lives in a home where he is adored and doted upon. He spends his days lounging about, hanging out with 'his people', eating and drinking whenever the spirit moves him and sitting at the window watching the world (and planning his route for his next escape attempt). He has a pretty good life.

Why am I so full of cat-thoughts this morning? Because I have become his 'chosen one', once more. He started sleeping at the foot of my bed a while ago. And it has become his nightly ritual. Again.

Why do I feel so blessed?

Being 'chosen' by a cat is one of life's greatest gifts. I think he knows this.

Today's Blog on 'Wordle'

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