Some friends and I have an overnight trip planned for tonight. We are headed out directly after I finish work today. I woke up with thoughts of this little adventure in my mind. My heart is racing and I feel anxious.
I am such a homebody that it isn't funny. I absolutely love the comfort I get from being home, coming home, having friends join me at my home, tending to my home, sleeping in my home ... You get the idea?
For me to step away from my home is tough. I enjoy it once I get used to the idea, but the day preceding such an event causes a lot of anxiety for me.
Leaving My Youngest behind is also another guilt factor. I have no desire to wish the years away, but it will be an entirely different scenario when he is a self supporting adult and I'm not leaving a dependent behind.
My family realizes this and so when my sisters and I get together for our sister-suppers &/or sleepovers, they come to me. I laughed when I said that it would be another ?? years before I could be the one that comes to them without any kids in tow. I will probably be around 55 or older and my sisters will be 64 and 66 before I can step away from my 'world' without a worry in my mind.
Does life begin at 55?? Heavens no!! That is why I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone and getting away with friends for a day. One day. We managed to get away for 12 hours out of a day last fall. This time, it will be over 24 hours.
I know it will be absolutely wonderful, once I step out of my life here and find myself on the highway in the company of good friends.
This precise moment of my morning ... anxiety is coarsing through my body. 9 short hours from now, it will be excitement.
Excitement ... what a wonderful way to savor a day!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Good Friend, Bad Friend?
There was a quiz ("Good Friend, Bad Friend") in an 'Oprah' magazine that I ripped out and wanted to keep in the forefront of my mind.
I have felt like I've been the needy friend, the too talkative friend, the friend that doesn't call, the friend that isn't there, the friend that physically take care of matters ...
In the matter of 'the forever relationship' that didn't make it, I was not an equal partner in our friendship.
As I looked at the friendships that are working in my life, I feel like I'm more giving. Not that there isn't always room for improvement. But I feel like I am doing okay as a friend.
It is the people that make you feel good ... bring you up and keep you up ... that are so important to surround yourself with. I want to be one of those people. I want to surround myself with those kinds of people.
I want to give as much as I take ... I want to listen as much as I talk ... I want to laugh as much as I cry ... I want to be a good friend as much as I want to have a good friend ...
I have felt like I've been the needy friend, the too talkative friend, the friend that doesn't call, the friend that isn't there, the friend that physically take care of matters ...
In the matter of 'the forever relationship' that didn't make it, I was not an equal partner in our friendship.
As I looked at the friendships that are working in my life, I feel like I'm more giving. Not that there isn't always room for improvement. But I feel like I am doing okay as a friend.
It is the people that make you feel good ... bring you up and keep you up ... that are so important to surround yourself with. I want to be one of those people. I want to surround myself with those kinds of people.
I want to give as much as I take ... I want to listen as much as I talk ... I want to laugh as much as I cry ... I want to be a good friend as much as I want to have a good friend ...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Persistence of Yellow
I got the book "The Persistence of Yellow" and it is full of words to ponder. This one in particular struck a cord with me:
"Elena puts her hand on her wide hip and gives a big sigh. Where is everything today?" she asks and looks into a yellow field where her house used to be, where her garden used to grow. "I guess I'll have to start again." And then she sat down to invent a new world, a better one. One that lasts."
Although one can take those words figuratively (there was a point in my life when I was Elena and started all over again without much from a previous life; I have a friend who was devastated with a bankruptcy and had to start all over; and another family I know very well lost their home and belongings in a fire). In each case, it was only the material belongings that were gone. We were all very blessed, even though it was hard to realize that at the time.
How many times have we been in a place where we have to start again ... the end of a relationship, a move, a new job ... It is lonely, frightening, overwhelming and all so foreign when we lose someone or something we know so well.
But as soon as we can pick ourselves up and start again, we have the power to invent "a new world, a better one. One that lasts."
And so that ... is what I did.
"Elena puts her hand on her wide hip and gives a big sigh. Where is everything today?" she asks and looks into a yellow field where her house used to be, where her garden used to grow. "I guess I'll have to start again." And then she sat down to invent a new world, a better one. One that lasts."
Although one can take those words figuratively (there was a point in my life when I was Elena and started all over again without much from a previous life; I have a friend who was devastated with a bankruptcy and had to start all over; and another family I know very well lost their home and belongings in a fire). In each case, it was only the material belongings that were gone. We were all very blessed, even though it was hard to realize that at the time.
How many times have we been in a place where we have to start again ... the end of a relationship, a move, a new job ... It is lonely, frightening, overwhelming and all so foreign when we lose someone or something we know so well.
But as soon as we can pick ourselves up and start again, we have the power to invent "a new world, a better one. One that lasts."
And so that ... is what I did.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Crash and Burn
I seem to hit a point of no return with the excitement that I am creating in my mind ... then ... poof! It hits me. I crash.
Last night all I had to do was mow the lawn. I used to (just about) run when I was pushing that lawn mower because I was squeezing the task in between (what felt like) a bazillion other 'must do' things in my life. Last night, the job felt endless. I felt like I was moving at the rate of my very laid back, relaxed and retired neighbor (and what's really wrong with that??).
A shower is a need after that job - I came in feeling like I was covered with a layer of dust. So by the time I got cleaned up, I was powering down.
The night took care of itself - I ended up talking to 3 people on the phone but my enthusiasm level was fading and I didn't feel like very exciting or uplifting company.
Then ... I look at all the chances I am taking with myself in 'putting myself out there' (too much???). I seem to be in everyone's faces with my new idea about this or that ... and trying to draw people into my excitement as well. It's a risk. Something I would not have done, not so very long ago. And for the most part it seems like this feeling is contagious (I think that is why the sensation has gone on for so long for me).
The 'crash and burn' must be part of the creative process. I seemed to have one day a week where the wind was knocked out of my sails when I was in the middle of the Book Process. And I always bounced back. I'm hoping today is a 'bounce back' kind of day. I'm ready to feel excited and passionate about my life ... every day!!
Last night all I had to do was mow the lawn. I used to (just about) run when I was pushing that lawn mower because I was squeezing the task in between (what felt like) a bazillion other 'must do' things in my life. Last night, the job felt endless. I felt like I was moving at the rate of my very laid back, relaxed and retired neighbor (and what's really wrong with that??).
A shower is a need after that job - I came in feeling like I was covered with a layer of dust. So by the time I got cleaned up, I was powering down.
The night took care of itself - I ended up talking to 3 people on the phone but my enthusiasm level was fading and I didn't feel like very exciting or uplifting company.
Then ... I look at all the chances I am taking with myself in 'putting myself out there' (too much???). I seem to be in everyone's faces with my new idea about this or that ... and trying to draw people into my excitement as well. It's a risk. Something I would not have done, not so very long ago. And for the most part it seems like this feeling is contagious (I think that is why the sensation has gone on for so long for me).
The 'crash and burn' must be part of the creative process. I seemed to have one day a week where the wind was knocked out of my sails when I was in the middle of the Book Process. And I always bounced back. I'm hoping today is a 'bounce back' kind of day. I'm ready to feel excited and passionate about my life ... every day!!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Do I Have Too Much Time on my Hands?
I seem to have gone headfirst into several ventures lately. As soon as things start getting quiet and comfortable ... I forge onto something else.
I admit, that I have gone blog-crazy! In our computer-connected-world, a blog just seems to be a perfect spot to meet up with friends near and far. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is. You can check in and 'connect' with a friend ...
I seem to have become addicted to people-contact in my life. Face to face is always best, but it just isn't easy with everyone's busy lives and commitments. I'm the worst offender. As much as I enjoy getting together with someone, I am bound by my responsibilities. Between a 6 day work week and having to take Kurt with me whereever I go, it's hard to step away and take time for myself. And when I do, it is guilt-bound time. If Kurt is with me, I am conscious of when he's ready to go ... if he's not with me, he is with someone else and I'm conscious of the clock and when I must return. By sitting at the computer at home, I can 'reach out and touch someone' with a few keystrokes. Second best, but it's better than nothing.
The spring has been full of social commitments and events. Things are starting to wind down in that regard and now I'm wondering what I can do to keep some of that momentum going. I've got some ideas ... and that's all it seems to take these days. One idea and I'm off and running again.
I admit, that I have gone blog-crazy! In our computer-connected-world, a blog just seems to be a perfect spot to meet up with friends near and far. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is. You can check in and 'connect' with a friend ...
I seem to have become addicted to people-contact in my life. Face to face is always best, but it just isn't easy with everyone's busy lives and commitments. I'm the worst offender. As much as I enjoy getting together with someone, I am bound by my responsibilities. Between a 6 day work week and having to take Kurt with me whereever I go, it's hard to step away and take time for myself. And when I do, it is guilt-bound time. If Kurt is with me, I am conscious of when he's ready to go ... if he's not with me, he is with someone else and I'm conscious of the clock and when I must return. By sitting at the computer at home, I can 'reach out and touch someone' with a few keystrokes. Second best, but it's better than nothing.
The spring has been full of social commitments and events. Things are starting to wind down in that regard and now I'm wondering what I can do to keep some of that momentum going. I've got some ideas ... and that's all it seems to take these days. One idea and I'm off and running again.
Monday, May 26, 2008
A Mike Update
I talked to Mike's (our dog) new family this weekend and got an update on how he is making out with his new family.
The excitement and happiness on the faces of this family was amazing. They were so happy to tell me how Mike is doing. He has found a home where he is appreciated for the great dog that he is!!
The only unfortunate part is that Mike has picked a favorite. He is the 10 year old boy's constant companion. He sleeps in his room and won't get up until 'his boy' does. They go for walks and Mike comes home exhausted. They sound inseparable. The 5 year old feels a little slighted so they make sure he gets to feed Mike treats and do little things like that to make him feel special. The boys are so pleased with their new dog. They say, "He's our best dog ... ever!!"
Mike has taken over the couch and whenever they drive off, he is sitting on his couch looking out the window with an expression that says, "Where are you going?" The mom says they just put a sheet on 'his' couch and they are just fine with his claim to a piece of furniture.
They are also totally impressed with his manners. He listens and stays on the back mat (when he has muddy paws that have to be wiped off before he can come in). When they go downstairs, he'll sit on the top step and hunker his head down, look at them and wait to be invited down.
I'm so proud of our Mike. He was totally unappreciated at our home. But he has found a loving family who thoroughly enjoys him.
I couldn't be happier for him!
The excitement and happiness on the faces of this family was amazing. They were so happy to tell me how Mike is doing. He has found a home where he is appreciated for the great dog that he is!!
The only unfortunate part is that Mike has picked a favorite. He is the 10 year old boy's constant companion. He sleeps in his room and won't get up until 'his boy' does. They go for walks and Mike comes home exhausted. They sound inseparable. The 5 year old feels a little slighted so they make sure he gets to feed Mike treats and do little things like that to make him feel special. The boys are so pleased with their new dog. They say, "He's our best dog ... ever!!"
Mike has taken over the couch and whenever they drive off, he is sitting on his couch looking out the window with an expression that says, "Where are you going?" The mom says they just put a sheet on 'his' couch and they are just fine with his claim to a piece of furniture.
They are also totally impressed with his manners. He listens and stays on the back mat (when he has muddy paws that have to be wiped off before he can come in). When they go downstairs, he'll sit on the top step and hunker his head down, look at them and wait to be invited down.
I'm so proud of our Mike. He was totally unappreciated at our home. But he has found a loving family who thoroughly enjoys him.
I couldn't be happier for him!
CPR on The Book
Well ... a family of 17 has been revived (see yesterdays blog). A phone call, a few emails and a small cost ... but we have saved a family!!
Recoverable errors. A person must count themselves lucky when a mistake can be fixed so easily. Life isn't always like that.
No lives were lost in the making of 'The Book'.
Recoverable errors. A person must count themselves lucky when a mistake can be fixed so easily. Life isn't always like that.
No lives were lost in the making of 'The Book'.
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