Monday, September 15, 2008


In this week after my surgery, I am learning a lot about limits.

I think that I tend to push my limits a lot. If there is a short period of time, I will challenge myself to see how much I can squeeze into that limitation. I race myself often. It's an internal push to get me motivated, keep me motivated and get the job done. I will start 5 mini projects and keep moving in a forward motion until they are all done (and usually, I will find at least 5 more things to do, as I go along).

This past week has been mind-numbing (quite literally) for me. I cannot seem to formulate the forethought and organization to do 2 things at once. I will try. Then later on, I'll stumble across something that I had started (but abandoned midstream). This inefficiency in my brain seems to have slowed down my progress immensely. I would honestly guess that it seems to take about 4 times the time and energy to accomplish a simple task (as compared to my pre-surgery mode).

Concentration is a big element of this disruption to my efficiency. I can't hold a thought for too long. I lose my train of thought, I can't formulate or find the words in my mind that I want to come up with. This extra energy that it takes to concentrate is taxing.

Writing is something that drains me. Normally if I have the time and motivation, writing is energizing to me. One set of thoughts can mushroom to various blog entries, an email or 2 and the words seem to multiply within. This past week, I am lucky if I can string together the words for an email and a blog entry in the same day. I am a wordy writer, so maybe if I kept my words to a minimum I would have more energy to send more!

The typing errors that I am making are many. I spend more time backspacing and correcting myself than I do, going forward it seems!

My body feels like it is healing very well. Physically I feel like I'm healing. But the body is a miraculous thing. I think this lethargy of my mind is exhausting me, so that I must rest.

Just because I am not in physical pain, it doesn't mean that I am totally healed. I am very grateful for a body that is slowing me down in my tracks. And I have a completely different level of compassion for those who struggle with their body's limitations on a daily basis. The level of concentration and energy expended to tend to 'life' in general, must define 'pushing the limits' to a completely different level.

I've spent the morning working on a company's bookwork, but before I go and relook at what I have done I think I must relax my brain muscles and relook at it with a fresh eye. I don't trust myself much these days ...

I think it is time for a short snooze!!

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