Friday, January 2, 2009

Where Do I Begin?

I ended the old year, the way I brought in the new one. Out of my comfort zone and on a quest to collect more family memories ...

Mom and I went on an 'adventure' together, as I started the process of collecting my dad's family's stories. I travelled once on my own, about 23 years ago. A direct flight to Vancouver and minimal exposure to the ways of air travel. This time, I was on 5 different flights, met up with Mom and saw her off at 'her' airport, went through security on 4 different occasions and one transfer on the last leg of my journey. Hey, by the end of it all ... I was acting like the other passengers when the flight attendants went through the emergency procedures before every take-off (like I'd heard it all before). The first time through, I was the only person actually studying the guide that they place in the pocket of the seat in front of you. I feel like a veteran traveller now. If I was without dependents and with money, I could get used to the idea of flying off on solo adventures!

These are the words that I scrawled near the end of my first flight:

Dec 27/08 8:50 am

We barely ascended into the air when we began our descent! I had to have a cup of coffee ... just because I could! I feel as wide eyed a s a little kid - just taking in the whole flying experience. Alone.

This feeling has been very akin to my surgery "holiday" when I entrusted everything in my life to others ...

My family stepped in and took care of things so I could go on this solo vacation. Dale is taking care of Kurt for the duration. And Wes (arranged) for me to be driven to the airport. As I went through my mini anxiety attack, they assured me that I was worrying over nothing.

As I stepped into the airport today, found my way through security and was awaiting my departure, I felt all the worries seep out of my being. I was in the hands of the professionals now. They guided me through each step that I must do and they took care of the rest. It's out of my hands now. I cannot prepare for this any more. All arrangements have been made. My boys are taking care of everything on the home front. All that I have to do now, is sit back and enjoy the ride.

8:55 ... we are beginning our descent into Edmonton ...

And so my adventure began. I had many thoughts that I should have journaled as I went through the days. But the one prominent thought I had as I began this scary voyage, was that I entrusted my safety and fate to the powers that be. It felt very liberating to let go of all my day to day worries and just enjoy the 'ride' that was my holiday.

"Let go and let God" is an Alanon saying that I still hold close in my thoughts. When the world feels like a scary place and your worries feel overwhelming ... it is comforting to feel that there is a force stronger than yourself that is safely guiding your way. Just as my pilots safely navigated my way throughout my small adventure.

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