Now What?

I stumbled upon Brooke Shield's podcast "Now What?" a few days ago. Everything about it speaks to me. Starting with the title. "Now what?"

That is exactly where I am right now. Purgatory. One foot in two different worlds. Each foot feeling solidly placed but the space in between (where my head and thoughts reside) is feeling torn and angsty.

Thus, Brooke's podcast had me from the moment GO. All of her guests share a story of  "Now what?" moments. That spot where you must move on from where you are. A place when life forces your hand and you must move onward and out of an existing situation.

I have a good history of knowing what to do next when life forces my hand. It is entirely different when I'm the one who is navigating the course. Indecision, uncertainty and rerunning the same words and scenarios over and over in my head and conversations has become old. 

I'm tired of the loop I'm in. I cannot imagine those who are listening to my repetitive conversations. "Make a move. Make a change. Make a decision. And act accordingly, Girl!!"

The forward steps I have taken into my "Now what" decision feel right. I have a deep sense of feeling I'm headed in the right direction. Until I come back home. 

It is hard to move onto from someplace so comforting, familiar and full of good memories. It's hard to let go of something good and reach toward something new. Am I just running away from life-as-I-know it? Or walking towards a future I believe in? A little bit of both.

It is the running-away-from element that haunts me. I know I need to let go before I move on. Letting go is hard.

Now what?

Rabbit-Palooza!

I finally found out where the rabbits have gone. They have moved onto greener pastures north of where I've been searching. They were everywhere!

I spotted one. Then two more. Then four were together. I kept walking. I kept spotting groups of rabbits. A friendly walker noticed me snapping a picture. She told me she had spotted at least 25 rabbits in this park but there were more rabbits in other parks.

I stayed on the walking path and kept spotting rabbits. I ran out of path so I took the city sidewalk and circled around and took the southern most part of a different path in the same park. At one point, I saw ten rabbits in a group with a few more in the periphery. 

I was in rabbit heaven.

I stayed on the walking path and the rabbits thinned out. But they were still there. I walked to the end of the path and wasn't entirely sure of the fastest way home, as I ended up in a residential area full of crescents, coves, courts and roads to no where. 

Even as I neared home, I spotted three more rabbits in the school playground I used to frequent regularly with my daycare family.

The day feels blessed by rabbits. No woo-woo feelings about the why of it all. I simply took a new path.

Sometimes it is as simple as that. We need to go new places to see new sights, feel new feelings and remember there is more than one road that takes us back home.