As I am starting to collect memories from my dad's family in anticipation of compiling all of them in book form, I started writing down a few of the things that Dad taught me or told me over the years. It all seems so small and trivial - the life skills we take for granted and little habits that I have developed because of something he said. When it comes to anything mechanical or household repairs often Dad's words will come to me when I need them. His voice may be gone but his words are still within me.
It was after talking to a friend who is going through a devastating time in her life right now, that I truly understood the value of what my dad taught me over the years ...
I married very young and had my marriage lasted, my dad probably wouldn't have overstepped his bounds with my husband and taught me some of the most basic things. The very last time that my dad came over to my house, he taught me how to take a faucet apart. It was such a small thing, but I remember him commenting that he didn't know how far he should step when it came to these things because of how my husband may have felt about it.
There comes a time when you normally shift your dependency from your father over to your husband. It is very wise to become independent between those 2 phases and nowadays, with people marrying at a later age this probably happens more often. But it was common to marry young when I was a young adult and the independent stage was often missed.
In retrospect, I am so grateful for a husband that I couldn't count on and a marriage that couldn't survive. Because this happened when I was young, I had a fighting spirit and I believed anything was possible. I knew without a doubt that I could find a way to support myself. When the great big world of reality came crashing down on my shoulders, it was a horrible time. But as bad as it was, I knew that I would endure.
This is when my dad stepped in and taught me the most basic lessons. How to check the oil in the car, how to change a tire, when to get an oil change ... we talked about finances and debt ... we talked about household repairs, vehicle repairs and I could always call him if I needed him.
When my dad was alive, nothing seemed to cost more than $30 to repair. Even if the part was more than that, Dad would return the broken part and there was some type of refund ... and in my magical world it seemed that everything averaged out to cost about $30. I don't know if there was some subsidizing going on at that time or not. But it seemed with each repair, there would come some words of wisdom from Dad.
My marriage was a rather intermittent one and I was on my own as much as I was married while Dad was alive. In retrospect, I can see where these separations allowed Dad the opportunities to keep teaching me things. Had I got married and stayed married, I have a feeling that Dad would have stepped back and let me learn from my husband. And if I was lucky, I would have had a husband that taught me what I needed to know to be independent.
This brings me back to my friend who is starting fresh at 48 years of age. She has never needed to have a job that would support her. She does now. She went from 'daughter' to 'wife' without learning how to be independent. Her husband took over the 'manly duties' of the household and she didn't learn some of the most basic things. I would imagine that her father felt that he had to trust that her husband would teach her what she needed to know.
After our conversation had time to digest, I looked at her life and the road she has ahead of her. And I realized just how lucky that I was, to have the obstacles that I had in my life when I had them.
When you are young and resilient you still believe in the fairy tale endings. When you have been valued as a child, your self esteem will only take so much battering before you walk away from an unhealthy relationship. When your parents help you learn to become independent, they have given you the greatest gift of all.
I have learned as much and more from my mom, but being a girl I guess I figure that I would have learned that whether I was married or not. Much of what I learned was a combination of both of them. Their values and thoughts were reflected in each other and they taught many life lessons together, but apart. Not to mention the many things that Mom learned from Dad that she also passes along.
The lessons I learned from my dad were cut short. Maybe that is why I place such value on them. When I heard my friend tell me how excited she was to just learn how to check the oil in her vehicle and know when she had to take it in for an oil change, I went silent. These are things that my dad taught me. Some of the many things that I took for granted.
Life is full of lessons. A lot of those lessons are not valued until long after the fact. And some of our 'teachers' may not be around for as long as we hope.
As a parent, I wonder what 'lessons' my children will take and pass along. I hope that I am an image of my parents ... and I hope that influence is carried on in my children.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
What a Way to End a Week
My Friday night dance lesson. Need I say more??
Actually, I really do need to say more tonight. The lesson as usual, was fun and it seems that laughter comes so easily as I stumble through the paces of trying to absorb and do what I'm being taught. I can't even begin to count how many times that we laughed. Could there be a better way to end a week?
Well ... tonight was a first. As we were working on the Bolero part of a routine we are practising, I some how managed to get the heel of my shoe caught up in the cuff of Greg's pants. We were going backwards at the time in some 'mirror image' fashion (I would imagine that it looks quite elegant when done properly).
It was like it happened in slow motion. I felt my heel caught up and then I felt Greg toppling to the floor behind me. But we were in some form of dance position when he fell ... so when he fell ... I fell ... and I landed right on top of him.
I can't remember what happened first - the hysterical laughter or Greg's immediate concern over whether I was okay. Did I ask him if he was okay? Somewhere in between the gales of laughter, I'm certain that I did.
I haven't laughed so hard since I was a kid. My eyes watered and each time we stopped laughing, we took a breath and started laughing again. I came home and hours later, I was picturing this in my mind again and I started stifling a laugh. The next thing I knew, I was standing in the middle of a room, laughing hysterically. All by myself.
Then I started feeling guilty. He could be seriously hurt and here I am, still in hysterics 3 hours later! What kind of a person am I??
It's still pretty funny though.
Actually, I really do need to say more tonight. The lesson as usual, was fun and it seems that laughter comes so easily as I stumble through the paces of trying to absorb and do what I'm being taught. I can't even begin to count how many times that we laughed. Could there be a better way to end a week?
Well ... tonight was a first. As we were working on the Bolero part of a routine we are practising, I some how managed to get the heel of my shoe caught up in the cuff of Greg's pants. We were going backwards at the time in some 'mirror image' fashion (I would imagine that it looks quite elegant when done properly).
It was like it happened in slow motion. I felt my heel caught up and then I felt Greg toppling to the floor behind me. But we were in some form of dance position when he fell ... so when he fell ... I fell ... and I landed right on top of him.
I can't remember what happened first - the hysterical laughter or Greg's immediate concern over whether I was okay. Did I ask him if he was okay? Somewhere in between the gales of laughter, I'm certain that I did.
I haven't laughed so hard since I was a kid. My eyes watered and each time we stopped laughing, we took a breath and started laughing again. I came home and hours later, I was picturing this in my mind again and I started stifling a laugh. The next thing I knew, I was standing in the middle of a room, laughing hysterically. All by myself.
Then I started feeling guilty. He could be seriously hurt and here I am, still in hysterics 3 hours later! What kind of a person am I??
It's still pretty funny though.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Can I 'Undo' This Afternoon??
One small decision this afternoon caused me a great amount of frustration.
A decision to upgrade a program that was working perfectly fine as it was ... disrupted my computer as I knew it!
My email and Internet explorer disappeared from my 'quick launch' area. And when I went to retrieve them they had to be set up again. All of my emails were gone and I didn't know if they were retrievable. I got the Internet up and running but nothing was the same as it had been before.
I was so grateful that all of the files on my computer were okay (although the file extensions in the video file didn't show up any more and an 'access denied' message came up when I tried to fix this).
I tried to do a 'system restore' to see if I could undo the mess I created. I was denied access. The more I played around, the more access I was denied.
I called my computer guy and told him the symptoms my computer was showing. He said in a very deep and grim voice, "That doesn't sound good." I booked his soonest appointment (4 days from now).
But in the mean time, I couldn't stop trying different things. The more that I tried, the more I thought the common denominator of most of my problems was in my antivirus program. It flashed a yellow warning as I was upgrading this program and I chose the option where it downloaded the program but wouldn't allow anything dangerous to be done. Once I chose that option, the warnings that flashed before me were endless.
I got someone on the antivirus program's 'live chat' line and he tried to help me. I had already tried the 'restore' button in the antivirus program and the 'access denied' message flashed again. He told me to try it again. Although this time it appeared to work, I was still being denied access at every turn.
Finally, he had me exit the antivirus program and when I got restarted it there was a message that my computer needed to be restarted. I got all the information that I needed from the 'live chat guy' because I would lose him as soon as I restarted the computer.
And wouldn't you know it?!?! Restarting the computer put absolutely everything back as it was, prior to this mess. I have all the 'access' I want now. My emails are back. The Internet home page is exactly as it was. The file extensions are as they were. Everything is completely back to normal.
No, life doesn't come with an 'undo' button ... but 'system restore' and restarting the computer is a good second choice.
I can't get back the 4 hours that I lost this afternoon as I fretted about this dilemma and tried to fix it. But the damage is undone.
Yes I can 'undo' the afternoon.
A decision to upgrade a program that was working perfectly fine as it was ... disrupted my computer as I knew it!
My email and Internet explorer disappeared from my 'quick launch' area. And when I went to retrieve them they had to be set up again. All of my emails were gone and I didn't know if they were retrievable. I got the Internet up and running but nothing was the same as it had been before.
I was so grateful that all of the files on my computer were okay (although the file extensions in the video file didn't show up any more and an 'access denied' message came up when I tried to fix this).
I tried to do a 'system restore' to see if I could undo the mess I created. I was denied access. The more I played around, the more access I was denied.
I called my computer guy and told him the symptoms my computer was showing. He said in a very deep and grim voice, "That doesn't sound good." I booked his soonest appointment (4 days from now).
But in the mean time, I couldn't stop trying different things. The more that I tried, the more I thought the common denominator of most of my problems was in my antivirus program. It flashed a yellow warning as I was upgrading this program and I chose the option where it downloaded the program but wouldn't allow anything dangerous to be done. Once I chose that option, the warnings that flashed before me were endless.
I got someone on the antivirus program's 'live chat' line and he tried to help me. I had already tried the 'restore' button in the antivirus program and the 'access denied' message flashed again. He told me to try it again. Although this time it appeared to work, I was still being denied access at every turn.
Finally, he had me exit the antivirus program and when I got restarted it there was a message that my computer needed to be restarted. I got all the information that I needed from the 'live chat guy' because I would lose him as soon as I restarted the computer.
And wouldn't you know it?!?! Restarting the computer put absolutely everything back as it was, prior to this mess. I have all the 'access' I want now. My emails are back. The Internet home page is exactly as it was. The file extensions are as they were. Everything is completely back to normal.
No, life doesn't come with an 'undo' button ... but 'system restore' and restarting the computer is a good second choice.
I can't get back the 4 hours that I lost this afternoon as I fretted about this dilemma and tried to fix it. But the damage is undone.
Yes I can 'undo' the afternoon.
Habits
Good habits, bad habits ... once formed, they provide a sense of ease with which you go through the paces of the day.
I have been consciously trying to re-form some habits of mine these past several weeks. One small step at a time, I seem to be succeeding at this challenge I have placed before myself. One habit at a time.
It seems that the secret to my success thus far, is in adding good habits into my life.
Getting up early to exercise seemed like it would be a hard habit to get back into, after replacing exercise with extra sleep and nurturing myself in the mornings. But as I started sleeping longer, I lost the extra time that I used to make for myself before I started my day.
In the 3 weeks that I've kick started myself into some form of exercise in the morning, I have had more time to myself than I did before I started exercising. I have unaccounted time left over at the end of my morning routines. And I love it!!!
This weeks challenge has been curbing the eating at night habit. To make this more attainable, I challenged myself to not eating after 7:00 pm. To tell myself that I'm not eating after supper sounds too hard. Giving myself until 7:00 feels like I have the choice to have a little snack if I want to. The amazing thing is, that I haven't even wanted to! I have succeeded at this goal for 5 nights now.
Keeping busy at night makes the evening snacking challenge at bay. I heard that night time eating is emotional eating. And I believe that. When the day is done and it's time to kick back and relax, I admit that I am most likely eating when I would rather be enjoying the quiet company of another adult human being. I crave my alone time, but I do remember how good it used to feel to sit back in the arms of the man I loved and not say a word. Just exist in quiet harmony.
That is not my reality right now and I am perfectly okay with that. I just have to find a substitute for that nurturing that I crave in the evenings. It is tricky because having a conversation takes energy so I'm not really inclined to pick up the phone and call someone. My tendency is to nurture myself with TV or a book. Both are good options ... but both go very well with a snack!
One of my other emotional eating habits comes to play during the day. Surrounded by kids all day, every day I have found myself getting in the habit of having a very, very large bowl of ice cream after my lunch (after the kids have all been tended and I have 10 minutes that I can sometimes call my own). The soothing sensation of that rich and creamy ice cream (with M & M's or chocolate chips stirred in, to add to the calorie overload) soothed my frayed nerves. I was in no way hungry for anything other than that sensation of taking care of 'me', in the middle of my day.
I ran out of ice cream last week and didn't replace it. That helped to ease me out of the ice cream treat in the middle of the day (topped with an ice cream treat at night, if I was feeling needy). I have since replaced the ice cream (Kurt likes to have the ice cream option) and I haven't been tempted. It is kind of akin to taking that one drink ... or that one cigarette, after you've kicked the habit. Sometimes 'one' is all it takes to get back into the habit.
For every habit I am trying to break, I find the need to add a new habit into my life. These past weeks of breaking habits seems to be succeeding because I am adding something into my life, for everything I am taking away.
I have been consciously trying to re-form some habits of mine these past several weeks. One small step at a time, I seem to be succeeding at this challenge I have placed before myself. One habit at a time.
It seems that the secret to my success thus far, is in adding good habits into my life.
Getting up early to exercise seemed like it would be a hard habit to get back into, after replacing exercise with extra sleep and nurturing myself in the mornings. But as I started sleeping longer, I lost the extra time that I used to make for myself before I started my day.
In the 3 weeks that I've kick started myself into some form of exercise in the morning, I have had more time to myself than I did before I started exercising. I have unaccounted time left over at the end of my morning routines. And I love it!!!
This weeks challenge has been curbing the eating at night habit. To make this more attainable, I challenged myself to not eating after 7:00 pm. To tell myself that I'm not eating after supper sounds too hard. Giving myself until 7:00 feels like I have the choice to have a little snack if I want to. The amazing thing is, that I haven't even wanted to! I have succeeded at this goal for 5 nights now.
Keeping busy at night makes the evening snacking challenge at bay. I heard that night time eating is emotional eating. And I believe that. When the day is done and it's time to kick back and relax, I admit that I am most likely eating when I would rather be enjoying the quiet company of another adult human being. I crave my alone time, but I do remember how good it used to feel to sit back in the arms of the man I loved and not say a word. Just exist in quiet harmony.
That is not my reality right now and I am perfectly okay with that. I just have to find a substitute for that nurturing that I crave in the evenings. It is tricky because having a conversation takes energy so I'm not really inclined to pick up the phone and call someone. My tendency is to nurture myself with TV or a book. Both are good options ... but both go very well with a snack!
One of my other emotional eating habits comes to play during the day. Surrounded by kids all day, every day I have found myself getting in the habit of having a very, very large bowl of ice cream after my lunch (after the kids have all been tended and I have 10 minutes that I can sometimes call my own). The soothing sensation of that rich and creamy ice cream (with M & M's or chocolate chips stirred in, to add to the calorie overload) soothed my frayed nerves. I was in no way hungry for anything other than that sensation of taking care of 'me', in the middle of my day.
I ran out of ice cream last week and didn't replace it. That helped to ease me out of the ice cream treat in the middle of the day (topped with an ice cream treat at night, if I was feeling needy). I have since replaced the ice cream (Kurt likes to have the ice cream option) and I haven't been tempted. It is kind of akin to taking that one drink ... or that one cigarette, after you've kicked the habit. Sometimes 'one' is all it takes to get back into the habit.
For every habit I am trying to break, I find the need to add a new habit into my life. These past weeks of breaking habits seems to be succeeding because I am adding something into my life, for everything I am taking away.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Busy Days
I have been busy, busy, busy with my bookwork job this week. It seems that I am in perpetual motion from the moment I get up in the morning. I've had some busy evenings as well, so it just feels like I haven't had as many idle moments as I'm used to enjoying.
I spent the weekend puttering around at writing, making movies, visiting and going out a little bit. Nothing too terribly work intensive but once again, it was a constant 'in motion' kind of weekend. Which I do enjoy.
But let me tell you ... I foresee a lazy evening in my future tonight and I am so excited. I read the first few pages of a new book as I was eating my lunch today and I simply can't wait to sit down tonight and lose myself in a piece of fiction.
It feels good to accomplish things and I've been doing that. It really makes one appreciate the moments when you can just sit back and put your feet up.
I spent the weekend puttering around at writing, making movies, visiting and going out a little bit. Nothing too terribly work intensive but once again, it was a constant 'in motion' kind of weekend. Which I do enjoy.
But let me tell you ... I foresee a lazy evening in my future tonight and I am so excited. I read the first few pages of a new book as I was eating my lunch today and I simply can't wait to sit down tonight and lose myself in a piece of fiction.
It feels good to accomplish things and I've been doing that. It really makes one appreciate the moments when you can just sit back and put your feet up.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Quotes of the Day
"Bloom where you are planted"
I read this quote today that was enveloped in the most courageous and inspiring tale of a person's survival story.
All of us are survivors. Everyone has a story. There are circumstances that have brought every person exactly to the spot they are at in their lives.
The difference is how we react to what happens to us. When a person finds themselves in a situation that isn't of their choosing, they can look around and see what they can make of where they have ended up.
Making lemons out of lemonade ... or "blooming where you are planted." There is always something good to salvage out of almost anything.
"It is not how much you do but how much love you put into the doing that matters"
- Mother Teresa
This is the second quote that was in the same article that I read. More words that resonated with me after I closed the book.
There is always an endless amount of work that can be done. A person can set lofty goals and strive to achieve them.
But truly, it is more important to prioritize what is important in life. Focusing on what brings you the greatest joy ... "how much love you put into the doing" is what will reap the greatest rewards.
I read this quote today that was enveloped in the most courageous and inspiring tale of a person's survival story.
All of us are survivors. Everyone has a story. There are circumstances that have brought every person exactly to the spot they are at in their lives.
The difference is how we react to what happens to us. When a person finds themselves in a situation that isn't of their choosing, they can look around and see what they can make of where they have ended up.
Making lemons out of lemonade ... or "blooming where you are planted." There is always something good to salvage out of almost anything.
"It is not how much you do but how much love you put into the doing that matters"
- Mother Teresa
This is the second quote that was in the same article that I read. More words that resonated with me after I closed the book.
There is always an endless amount of work that can be done. A person can set lofty goals and strive to achieve them.
But truly, it is more important to prioritize what is important in life. Focusing on what brings you the greatest joy ... "how much love you put into the doing" is what will reap the greatest rewards.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
A Perfect Weekend
I'm sitting here revelling in the afterglow of a most wonderful weekend.
I managed to get my creative juices going a little bit this weekend. I put together some small 'movies'. Between kids, cats and family there is always enough material for me to work with. I love these little video creations. They are short and sweet and not all that original. By the time I add a few little touches and pick a song or two to go along with it, I feel like I've had some part of the end result. And it feels good to 'create'.
I got some words out of my brain and into cyberspace. Between updating blogs and catching up on some emails, my fingers became limber once again. I hope that this helps to open the floodgate of words within me. I don't like when my words get caught up somewhere between my brain and my fingers. It has to happen from time to time, but writing is therapy to me. I feel best when I can let the words pour out of my fingertips.
I had a fair amount of people-contact this weekend too. A phone call from my sister and my mom ... Kurt and I went and saw a movie last night ... we ran into a family I used to babysit for on our way out of the theatre ... Kurt had a friend over today ... and my weekend wound up perfectly, by going out for supper with a friend. Good food + good conversation = a very good time.
The weekend was perfect in every way.
I managed to get my creative juices going a little bit this weekend. I put together some small 'movies'. Between kids, cats and family there is always enough material for me to work with. I love these little video creations. They are short and sweet and not all that original. By the time I add a few little touches and pick a song or two to go along with it, I feel like I've had some part of the end result. And it feels good to 'create'.
I got some words out of my brain and into cyberspace. Between updating blogs and catching up on some emails, my fingers became limber once again. I hope that this helps to open the floodgate of words within me. I don't like when my words get caught up somewhere between my brain and my fingers. It has to happen from time to time, but writing is therapy to me. I feel best when I can let the words pour out of my fingertips.
I had a fair amount of people-contact this weekend too. A phone call from my sister and my mom ... Kurt and I went and saw a movie last night ... we ran into a family I used to babysit for on our way out of the theatre ... Kurt had a friend over today ... and my weekend wound up perfectly, by going out for supper with a friend. Good food + good conversation = a very good time.
The weekend was perfect in every way.
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