Too Many Impossible Things

I had such high hopes for this past long weekend. I had hoped to completely scratch a few big jobs off of my never ending to-do list. As yesterday was drawing to a close and the biggest job of all was far from complete ... I was a little deflated.

All in all, I put my focus where I needed it to be. A relaxed pace, time for exercise and eating properly, time spent with Kurt, a few 'impossible things' that I can't do when I have a house full of kids are done, I put in a day of book-keeping work and I got a good start at transcribing the taped conversations that I have, into writing.

I didn't waste my time, nor did I fly through the days in a frantic pace. I accomplished a lot. I just set my sights on an impossible goal.

The big jobs are the heaviest toll on my energy. I just have to admit that I must break it down into small pieces and accomplish a little every day. I love tackling a job head on and finishing it. The slow and steady pace just isn't my style. But I must concede that it is the route I must take in tackling the 4 hours (that I have left) worth of 'memories' that I want to put in writing.

As the weekend was 2/3rds of the way over, I knew what I was lacking. People. I had a 10 minute phone conversation and possibly a 5 minute face to face encounter with another adult being to that point. I felt dull and lifeless. Even in my kid-oriented weekday world, I have a relatively steady flow of adult conversation as the parents come and go.

My thoughts had gone stale and the words that came out of my fingertips weren't worth sharing. I tried writing a few emails and I ended up deleting them. Even I was bored with the words that sat in front of me as I typed.

It's all about balance. Some work, some R & R, some play and some contact with people is the best combination to ensure a good mixture of everything one needs to keep a healthy state of mind.

Not that I'm complaining. This weekend played out exactly how I had it choreographed in my mind. I just should have added a bit of company into the mix.

Onward. Take what I've learned and pay it forward.

#1 - Big jobs are best tackled one step at a time
#2 - I am not an island. I need people in my life

I must now focus on all that I did accomplish and whittle the big jobs down to a manageable level. Tackling those impossible things feels great. Getting overwhelmed by those same tasks isn't quite so wonderful.

Priorities

I love when life slows down and the natural prioritization of my life falls blissfully into place ...

The second day of this 3 day weekend started off slowly. I had done 1 1/2 hours of aerobic exercise after supper last night so I wasn't too eager to jump back and exercise first thing this morning.

I sat with my breakfast smoothie and the requisite 2 cups of morning coffee and watched Michael J. Fox's documentary. It is based on the optimism he has embraced within his Parkinson's disease diagnosis and promotes the book that he wrote 'Always Looking Up'. Lots of morsels of insight and quotes, to delve into further another day. It was a perfect way to start the day.

I jumped straight into my exercise clothes (I love having 'exercise clothes' that signal a good, healthy work-out in my mind) and went straight downstairs to my Wii trainer. He is so supportive when I show up every day. Unfortunately, I skipped 2 days entirely last week so he didn't (as he usually does, if I've been faithfully working out) suggest that I take the Sunday off of exercising. That's okay. I didn't deserve the break. I was determined to make up for my bad eating habits that I fell into last week, by working that much harder.

I grabbed a healthy snack (wheat thins and half of an apple) to curb my appetite before I went grocery shopping. I carefully perused the aisles and put down many bad food choices after I checked the calorie load. I did splurge on some 45 calorie sugar-free fudgicles though. As long as I don't sit down and eat 5 of them at a time, that is a good deal (good for the 'calorie budget').

I just finished my lunch - spinach salad, sprinkled with some slivered almonds, strawberries and only 1 tablespoon of my favorite poppy seed salad dressing. So far, the calorie intake for the day has been reasonable.

I've taken out chicken for supper tonight. I seem to be craving protein and I've recently savored the taste sensation of flaked white tuna sprinkled on a salad. I have been indulging myself in bad food choices all week, so I'm quite excited that my body is finally yearning for something that is healthy.

The house and chores are in order. My stomach is satisfied. The next priority of the day is to sit down to listen and record the many memories that I've been collecting these past few weeks.

Ahhh ... this is the good life! Following my whims and feeling good about all that is taking priority in my life.

Saturday Sensations

I have a million things to do today. One of them, I get paid to do. Another task, I must get on top of. But the rest ... can wait if they must.

Dirty windows just get dirty again. The dust on the blinds will start to build up the moment I clean them. The grass will grow all year. The car won't stay clean either. So if those jobs get put to the wayside, so be it.

I had planned on being hard at work by 8:00 this morning. As I woke up before 5:30 am, I thought that if I wanted to keep to that plan I should get up. But it was Saturday ... so I didn't.

I laid in bed for another hour or so and then I fulfilled my promise to myself and exercised for an hour. I hope to get back to that later. But an hour of physical activity is a very good way to start the day.

9:00 would be a good time to get cracking. Well ... it's important to take the time to savor breakfast and 2 cups of coffee before getting a busy day underway, right? Right. So I sat down and enjoyed a show I had taped. Ahhh ... weekends. I love them.

I tabled my 9:00 get-to-work-plan until 10:00. I sat down at the computer and thought I just want to savor these last moments before I tend to my work. Once the momentum starts, I don't like to stop it. So I've delayed the starting process this morning.

I love the life of (temporarily) delayed deadlines. The sense of peace of knowing that the work will all get done in due time (especially when I have 3 days in which to do it). I have no desire to prolong the work once I begin. Once started, it must be completed. And it will feel great.

The second big job that I am tackling this weekend will be enjoyable once I actually sit down and do it. I must relisten to the hours and hours of taped conversations (stories for the history book) that I have collected the past few weeks. I will walk down memory lane and savor the moments. I want to visualize the book that I am starting to work on and the best way to put together the stories that I collect. I will write down the questions that I still want to seek answers for. I get excited about this project every single time I take a step in a forward direction on my mission.

The clock is ticking as I sit. The morning is getting away on me. 10:30 will be the right time to start my work day.

Oh ... I love Saturday mornings!! Time to take a breath before officially beginning the day. It is so nice not to hit the ground running as I begin this 3 day weekend.

Taking a Step Out of the Ordinary

I have been racing through the days and weeks lately. It seems that I have been out of the house far too much - running errands, visiting family, collecting memories and dancing.

I was supposed to go to a group dance lesson last night. When I mentioned it to Kurt (with the intent of letting his response guide my decision whether or not to go), he replied "Don't you think you've been pushing this going out a little bit?" That was my answer.

We went out. It all started with a trip to WalMart as he had been craving snacks all week and I hadn't bought any (even with all of my errand running and guilt attached to that). He desperately needs some new clothes, so we made a bargain. We would get a snack and he had some allowance that he was free to spend, if only he would come and look at clothes with me.

One thing led to the next and thanks to a miscommunication (he thought it was Friday night because there is no school today) and a tentative plan to try and see a movie 'Friday night' ... we ended up going out to see a show. On a Thursday night.

We spent a completely untypical Thursday night together, which gave it the flavor of 'the weekend'. What a truly unexpected gift that was!

We have been anticipating going to see this show (it came out 2 weeks ago and we simply haven't had a free day to go and see it) and it has been far too long since we had a Mom/son outing. I was relaxed, he was happy to go with the flow of the evening and it couldn't have worked out better if we had planned every moment.

I went to sleep and woke up with a sense of relaxation and ease that I never feel on a weekday. It was incredible to take an ordinary Thursday night and turn it into a Friday. I feel like I'm getting a bonus weekend day this upcoming long weekend.

Who knew that something so simple, could make such a difference?

Snow Day ... Again???

I've said it before, and I'll say it again ...

"When is the warm weather here to stay??"

If You Don't Have Anything Good to Say ...

I visited some one that inspires me, last night.

I have always felt a connection to this person. Their life took some detours that weren't the readily accepted by society at that time. My life took a parallel detour so I have compassion for some of what I can relate to in their life.

This person lived through the depression era and knew what it was like to make do with little. They grew up knowing that hard work and sacrifice were a part of life. They had aspirations and went after them.

This person married into 'the right family'. They worked hard and raised their family. From all outward appearances, it would seem that it was a good life.

But there is always more to the story. Theirs is a story that has been played close to their chest. It is not a tell-all-expose. They were divorced in an era where divorce was not an option often chosen.

It is simply something that they have never spoken about. There may be a multitude of reasons for that silence. But to me, there is much more than meets the eye.

There are 2 sides to every story. In a case where someone walks away from what appears to be a perfect life, makes a choice that was unaccepted socially and doesn't justify it with a lot of excuses ... there is a reason that they made that choice.

Our conversation led us to a place where this person had the opportunity to talk or not talk about their first marriage. In their manner, I could see the determination to stay mute on the topic. The few words that were spoken, were positive ones. Anything that was stated, was wrapped up in a two-person description, as any discussion about their ex, was in context with another family member.

As a person who has overcome 2 failed relationships and an inability not to be 'mute' on the subject, I admire this person's stand. I have been a part of relationships that were physically and psychologically unhealthy for me. I personally know that I was just as much at fault for the relationship's demise as my partner despite the fact that my 'allies' could side with me, from the information they knew.

There are two sides to every story. I admire someone who can say nothing when it is one's natural instinct to defend themselves when under fire.

A person doesn't marry someone unless they see some redeeming qualities within them. A person doesn't divorce someone unless there are some qualities within that same person, that makes a life of 'forever' feel impossible.

No one person is ever at fault for a failed marriage. But when it does fail, if a wounded party can walk away from that without harming the character of the person they have left ... they have my admiration. No matter what the story may be ...

Impossible Things

I like to do my 'impossible things' (things that take the greatest amount of psychological and physical energy) in the mornings. The hard-to-do-items on my agenda are best done early in the day. Once I've climbed a mountain or two before lunch, it's amazing how much positive energy oozes out of me for the remainder of the day.

All week, I've had a rough time getting those tough goals accomplished throughout the entirety of the day - let alone in the morning.

I've been unmotivated to exercise. Little tasks that I can usually accomplish in no time are taking forever as it seems like I have 100 interruptions that side track me. The daycare-world has been more demanding as we deal with a diarrhea epidemic, on top of school kids staying home (sick with cold/flu like symptoms) and a few changes to our regularly scheduled day. I feel like I've been quite literally running in circles.

The biggest hurdle was the 'impossible thing' that I scheduled early in the week. I called Monday morning, to arrange an interview (to collect memories for Dad's family's story) on Wednesday evening. I was a little uncomfortable about this meeting. Not because I was uncomfortable talking with this person ... but because I was afraid I may be asking too much of her. I had 3 full days to let my insecurities simmer.

What did I do? I ate. Then I ate some more. Finally I decided that if I just ate every tempting food item in the house maybe I could put this bad eating pattern behind me. How do I feel? Gross and disappointed in myself.

This morning, I have a clean slate. The 'impossible thing' is behind me (and it went very well). I have very few food temptations left in the house (unfortunately, I've still got some cookies that I may have to donate to a needy cause to get them out of harms way). But the emotional turmoil within, is lessened.

I have an upcoming long weekend that is getting me out of bed in the mornings. There are several 'impossible things' slated for the weekend. But without the interruptions of my daycare world, everything should be possible.

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone and do things that feel a little bit impossible. I don't like when I let insecurities and unaccomplished tasks weigh me down. This week has been one of those weeks. I have a few uncompleted tasks that I must cross off the 'impossible things' list.

My hope is that those 'impossible things' weigh about 6 pounds. It must be the weight on my shoulders that is contributing to the out of control weight gain this week. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I've been consuming twice as much (bad) food as I need to consume in a day ... could it??