"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." - Eddy Cantor
This is a quote I need to memorize and make my mission statement! I can't begin to count the many times I haven't simply savored the moment because I am always in such a big hurry.
It's time to stop. Time to regain the sense of 'pause' in my life ....
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Too Much Out of My Control
There is much too much in my life right now that I need to ask of people. It's driving me crazy!
Number one is the 'need' to find places for My Youngest to go as I have 3 outings within the next few months where he wouldn't want to be there or he can't be there. Three reasons that I should be excited and full of anticipation. Instead I am filled with dread as I know I must ask someone to help me.
This is about the one and only time that I don't enjoy being a single parent. My Youngest and his dad never did 'connect'. A companionship at arms length perhaps. Yes, I could ask if My Youngest to stay with him and there is a pretty good chance that his dad would be okay with that. The stickler? He doesn't want to go. What do you do??
Thank goodness for My Second Son!! He is coming to the rescue on Friday for me, when I go to Moose Jaw. And he may be willing to help out on Sunday when I'm invited out to Davidson. Maybe ...
The other dates ... not so much. He has plans for one of them and the other is too far off to commit himself.
Number two conundrum is our dog. I want him gone in the worst way. We are not dog people and he doesn't get any attention or appreciation from us. He's digging up new sod in the back yard. He barks, he sheds, he tracks in dirt and mud. I need to find a dog-sitter if I go anywhere over night. It's hard enough asking for help when it comes to My Youngest! To ask favors for a dog that I really don't enjoy? One way or another, he must go. I've got a week deadline set in my mind. I want him to find a home ... taking him back to the SPCA isn't the route I want to go ... but I simply want a 'divorce' from him!
Number three is the bedroom renovation that is picking up speed now. I don't think I can afford it. I can afford to pay the electrician. And I think I must get the bedroom to a state where we can 'stop production' and ask for a bill to that point, to see if it can continue. When this all started, I was pretty sure I could manage the expense. After looking at my savings a few weeks back, when I thought I could need it to support myself if I couldn't work ... all of a sudden not having a safety net is a little more frightening than it was before.
Number four is tough. A friendship of the past that isn't working anymore. I need to 'say no' to that. But ... what I did instead (rather than give up 2 precious hours to have coffee, on my only day off), was not answer the phone when I saw the number come up. Next time I need to pick up the phone and say 'no' to coffee and 'yes' to me. Out loud. I was so relieved to have the entirety of Sunday to tend to what I wanted to. I have 'lost' those hours on so many Sundays recently, when I didn't have them to spend. It's tricky ... this is a person that was a huge part of my world at one time. How does one honor the past friendship but let it go with dignity and no hard feelings?
Number five is the 'chicken pox' epidemic and the ramifications. My new 1 yr old was to start today and they are going to check with their doctor before they bring her into contact with the 'bug' here. The dad was just diagnosed with brain cancer so I am thinking that there could be a risk to him, if his daughter got the chicken pox so this is a valid concern.
The reason I've been 'okay' with my stretched budget was knowing that I had this extra income coming in May, that wasn't accounted for. I guess it's good that I wasn't counting on it, because I may not have it until this chicken pox epidemic runs its course. Then there is the lost income if kids stay home sick with it ...
Number six, is the 'up in the airness' of the plans in Moose Jaw. My cousin (that lives there) and I were hoping to work in a short visit while we were in the area. And that could have worked out ... but now I'm not so sure because I'm waiting to hear back from the other parties involved.
Then there is this tiny little part of me that realizes how much I require my health to support myself. All of these doctor appointments and tests behind me, with one more in the future. I am so certain that there is absolutely no need to be concerned. But what if?? What if I needed to take some time off to tend to my health? It is simply not an option!
I feel like I'm working without a net right now. It is not an enjoyable spot. I will endure. I always have and I always will. I need to take action and find some solutions to the things that are within my control. And when it boils right down to it, the only thing I can't control is the result of that doctors visit down the road. And that is the one thing that I'm not worried about.
So! It is time to take action and have the ''courage to change the things I can''.
Number one is the 'need' to find places for My Youngest to go as I have 3 outings within the next few months where he wouldn't want to be there or he can't be there. Three reasons that I should be excited and full of anticipation. Instead I am filled with dread as I know I must ask someone to help me.
This is about the one and only time that I don't enjoy being a single parent. My Youngest and his dad never did 'connect'. A companionship at arms length perhaps. Yes, I could ask if My Youngest to stay with him and there is a pretty good chance that his dad would be okay with that. The stickler? He doesn't want to go. What do you do??
Thank goodness for My Second Son!! He is coming to the rescue on Friday for me, when I go to Moose Jaw. And he may be willing to help out on Sunday when I'm invited out to Davidson. Maybe ...
The other dates ... not so much. He has plans for one of them and the other is too far off to commit himself.
Number two conundrum is our dog. I want him gone in the worst way. We are not dog people and he doesn't get any attention or appreciation from us. He's digging up new sod in the back yard. He barks, he sheds, he tracks in dirt and mud. I need to find a dog-sitter if I go anywhere over night. It's hard enough asking for help when it comes to My Youngest! To ask favors for a dog that I really don't enjoy? One way or another, he must go. I've got a week deadline set in my mind. I want him to find a home ... taking him back to the SPCA isn't the route I want to go ... but I simply want a 'divorce' from him!
Number three is the bedroom renovation that is picking up speed now. I don't think I can afford it. I can afford to pay the electrician. And I think I must get the bedroom to a state where we can 'stop production' and ask for a bill to that point, to see if it can continue. When this all started, I was pretty sure I could manage the expense. After looking at my savings a few weeks back, when I thought I could need it to support myself if I couldn't work ... all of a sudden not having a safety net is a little more frightening than it was before.
Number four is tough. A friendship of the past that isn't working anymore. I need to 'say no' to that. But ... what I did instead (rather than give up 2 precious hours to have coffee, on my only day off), was not answer the phone when I saw the number come up. Next time I need to pick up the phone and say 'no' to coffee and 'yes' to me. Out loud. I was so relieved to have the entirety of Sunday to tend to what I wanted to. I have 'lost' those hours on so many Sundays recently, when I didn't have them to spend. It's tricky ... this is a person that was a huge part of my world at one time. How does one honor the past friendship but let it go with dignity and no hard feelings?
Number five is the 'chicken pox' epidemic and the ramifications. My new 1 yr old was to start today and they are going to check with their doctor before they bring her into contact with the 'bug' here. The dad was just diagnosed with brain cancer so I am thinking that there could be a risk to him, if his daughter got the chicken pox so this is a valid concern.
The reason I've been 'okay' with my stretched budget was knowing that I had this extra income coming in May, that wasn't accounted for. I guess it's good that I wasn't counting on it, because I may not have it until this chicken pox epidemic runs its course. Then there is the lost income if kids stay home sick with it ...
Number six, is the 'up in the airness' of the plans in Moose Jaw. My cousin (that lives there) and I were hoping to work in a short visit while we were in the area. And that could have worked out ... but now I'm not so sure because I'm waiting to hear back from the other parties involved.
Then there is this tiny little part of me that realizes how much I require my health to support myself. All of these doctor appointments and tests behind me, with one more in the future. I am so certain that there is absolutely no need to be concerned. But what if?? What if I needed to take some time off to tend to my health? It is simply not an option!
I feel like I'm working without a net right now. It is not an enjoyable spot. I will endure. I always have and I always will. I need to take action and find some solutions to the things that are within my control. And when it boils right down to it, the only thing I can't control is the result of that doctors visit down the road. And that is the one thing that I'm not worried about.
So! It is time to take action and have the ''courage to change the things I can''.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The Luxury of a Sunday
It was the day I had hoped for ... I spent the day at my own pace and puttered around with whatever I wanted to.
I'm now splicing together the video highlights of the visits I had, while collecting memories for 'The Book'. Another day immersed in memories.
And as I sit here and think that when I finish this project in its entirety, it will formally wrap up the book project (other than the final delivery of the books when they arrive). As with Mom's party, I am simply not ready to toss it all aside. I want to put together a DVD for each of the family members that encompasses the fun we had along the way.
Lots of fun memories. It's been a good ride ...
I'm now splicing together the video highlights of the visits I had, while collecting memories for 'The Book'. Another day immersed in memories.
And as I sit here and think that when I finish this project in its entirety, it will formally wrap up the book project (other than the final delivery of the books when they arrive). As with Mom's party, I am simply not ready to toss it all aside. I want to put together a DVD for each of the family members that encompasses the fun we had along the way.
Lots of fun memories. It's been a good ride ...
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Precious Hours
I long for two day weekends ...
I ran a few (quick??) errands after work today. I got to take my last coffee break at the end of the day and leave early. So I was done work by 3:00. We got home around 6:00. Sigh ... there went the day.
And tonight I've been puttering around with the videos from my 'information gathering sessions' for 'The Book'. I've got yet another project in mind for those. It is a time consuming little task.
Sunday!! Oh to wake up and know the day is my own. Next weekend is going to be a marathon-weekend of places to be ...
Yikes. I just want to coast tomorrow. I remembered today, that the May long weekend is around the corner. Three uncommitted, consecutive days off. That shall be pretty wonderful. The last few long weekends have been consumed with The Book Project. To have 3 days off without The Book Work on my agenda will be rather wonderful.
I have done all I can do for tonight. My brain is mush and it's time to walk away and let my mind wander on something else.
My 'weekend' is 40 hours long. I hate to waste a moment. These hours are precious...
I ran a few (quick??) errands after work today. I got to take my last coffee break at the end of the day and leave early. So I was done work by 3:00. We got home around 6:00. Sigh ... there went the day.
And tonight I've been puttering around with the videos from my 'information gathering sessions' for 'The Book'. I've got yet another project in mind for those. It is a time consuming little task.
Sunday!! Oh to wake up and know the day is my own. Next weekend is going to be a marathon-weekend of places to be ...
Yikes. I just want to coast tomorrow. I remembered today, that the May long weekend is around the corner. Three uncommitted, consecutive days off. That shall be pretty wonderful. The last few long weekends have been consumed with The Book Project. To have 3 days off without The Book Work on my agenda will be rather wonderful.
I have done all I can do for tonight. My brain is mush and it's time to walk away and let my mind wander on something else.
My 'weekend' is 40 hours long. I hate to waste a moment. These hours are precious...
Friday, April 25, 2008
Today Could Be The Day!
I should be getting my 'proof' copy of The Book delivered today. I am so excited!
I dreamt about it last night - I got the copy and they had added a whole bunch of extra 'stuff' to it ... they changed my table of contents ... they changed the font on my chapter headings ... lots of junk inserted in between the stories (like how magazines have 6 pages of ads to 1 or 2 pages of articles it seems, at times). You can't believe the relief I felt when I woke up and realized it was 'only a nightmare'!
I am so pumped. The reality of the dream is going to be in my hands. I started truly envisioning this reality in my mind early in The Book process. From the title, to the cover design (in part), to the chapter headings, to the fact that I really wanted to put this in a hard cover book form. And it is coming true!!
Dreams do come true! Pursuing ones goals may be filled with obstacles along the way, but if you keep taking forward steps, eventually you will 'get there'.
As my brother quoted in his speech about 'what he has learned from Mom': "No matter how big the job is, the end is always much nearer once you start moving forward."
I dreamt about it last night - I got the copy and they had added a whole bunch of extra 'stuff' to it ... they changed my table of contents ... they changed the font on my chapter headings ... lots of junk inserted in between the stories (like how magazines have 6 pages of ads to 1 or 2 pages of articles it seems, at times). You can't believe the relief I felt when I woke up and realized it was 'only a nightmare'!
I am so pumped. The reality of the dream is going to be in my hands. I started truly envisioning this reality in my mind early in The Book process. From the title, to the cover design (in part), to the chapter headings, to the fact that I really wanted to put this in a hard cover book form. And it is coming true!!
Dreams do come true! Pursuing ones goals may be filled with obstacles along the way, but if you keep taking forward steps, eventually you will 'get there'.
As my brother quoted in his speech about 'what he has learned from Mom': "No matter how big the job is, the end is always much nearer once you start moving forward."
Thursday, April 24, 2008
More on Health ...
Wow. It seems the past few weeks, I've been looking up medical symptoms and facing minor medical issues on a regular basis.
Yesterday I declared a 'chicken pox alert' as one of my preschoolers became exposed to chicken pox at preschool and started displaying mild symptoms.
Instant panic, as I thought of all the young ones I have around here. 'Epidemic' came immediately to mind, as I thought of the ones already exposed (they are most contagious 1 to 2 days before the spots break out); the incubation period before the next round of break outs; the new 1 yr old that is starting next week; and the mom's that are pregnant or trying to get pregnant.
Then ... as the parents started arriving last night with news of the chicken pox facing them, most of them assured me that their children were vaccinated against chicken pox.
We live in a wonderful province/country!! Yes!! All children born Jan 1, 2004 or later are automatically immunized at 12 months (and it was optional before that) for chicken pox. After surveying my parents I have found out that all of 'my kids' have been immunized. This doesn't offer 100% protection, but if they do get the chicken pox it should be a mild case.
There has been a lot of talk recently about the association of autism with vaccinations. This very small 'epidemic' really brings to mind what could happen if people start to choose not to vaccinate their children. Chicken pox is one of the less serious childhood diseases ...
I am so grateful the the children in my care are vaccinated. This little outbreak may still happen on a small scale. But to think of it happening en mass with much more serious ramifications is rather frightening. I always feel so responsible when anything contagious may run rampant through the household. We've faced head lice, colds and flus. Thankfully only one case of head lice was spread one time. The colds and flus ... are inevitable. We had one outbreak of chickenpox the first year I babysat. All in all, we have been very fortunate.
I've been 'googling' a lot lately, to find out more about the health issues that have arisen. It's wonderful to have the information so close at hand all of the time. The risk is in the misdiagnosis. I haven't done well with the diagnosis. But at least as far as the chicken pox goes, it shouldn't get too out of hand.
At this rate, I may soon have my medical degree!! (I jest, of course)
Yesterday I declared a 'chicken pox alert' as one of my preschoolers became exposed to chicken pox at preschool and started displaying mild symptoms.
Instant panic, as I thought of all the young ones I have around here. 'Epidemic' came immediately to mind, as I thought of the ones already exposed (they are most contagious 1 to 2 days before the spots break out); the incubation period before the next round of break outs; the new 1 yr old that is starting next week; and the mom's that are pregnant or trying to get pregnant.
Then ... as the parents started arriving last night with news of the chicken pox facing them, most of them assured me that their children were vaccinated against chicken pox.
We live in a wonderful province/country!! Yes!! All children born Jan 1, 2004 or later are automatically immunized at 12 months (and it was optional before that) for chicken pox. After surveying my parents I have found out that all of 'my kids' have been immunized. This doesn't offer 100% protection, but if they do get the chicken pox it should be a mild case.
There has been a lot of talk recently about the association of autism with vaccinations. This very small 'epidemic' really brings to mind what could happen if people start to choose not to vaccinate their children. Chicken pox is one of the less serious childhood diseases ...
I am so grateful the the children in my care are vaccinated. This little outbreak may still happen on a small scale. But to think of it happening en mass with much more serious ramifications is rather frightening. I always feel so responsible when anything contagious may run rampant through the household. We've faced head lice, colds and flus. Thankfully only one case of head lice was spread one time. The colds and flus ... are inevitable. We had one outbreak of chickenpox the first year I babysat. All in all, we have been very fortunate.
I've been 'googling' a lot lately, to find out more about the health issues that have arisen. It's wonderful to have the information so close at hand all of the time. The risk is in the misdiagnosis. I haven't done well with the diagnosis. But at least as far as the chicken pox goes, it shouldn't get too out of hand.
At this rate, I may soon have my medical degree!! (I jest, of course)
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