Too Much Out of My Control

There is much too much in my life right now that I need to ask of people. It's driving me crazy!

Number one is the 'need' to find places for My Youngest to go as I have 3 outings within the next few months where he wouldn't want to be there or he can't be there. Three reasons that I should be excited and full of anticipation. Instead I am filled with dread as I know I must ask someone to help me.

This is about the one and only time that I don't enjoy being a single parent. My Youngest and his dad never did 'connect'. A companionship at arms length perhaps. Yes, I could ask if My Youngest to stay with him and there is a pretty good chance that his dad would be okay with that. The stickler? He doesn't want to go. What do you do??

Thank goodness for My Second Son!! He is coming to the rescue on Friday for me, when I go to Moose Jaw. And he may be willing to help out on Sunday when I'm invited out to Davidson. Maybe ...

The other dates ... not so much. He has plans for one of them and the other is too far off to commit himself.

Number two conundrum is our dog. I want him gone in the worst way. We are not dog people and he doesn't get any attention or appreciation from us. He's digging up new sod in the back yard. He barks, he sheds, he tracks in dirt and mud. I need to find a dog-sitter if I go anywhere over night. It's hard enough asking for help when it comes to My Youngest! To ask favors for a dog that I really don't enjoy? One way or another, he must go. I've got a week deadline set in my mind. I want him to find a home ... taking him back to the SPCA isn't the route I want to go ... but I simply want a 'divorce' from him!


Number three is the bedroom renovation that is picking up speed now. I don't think I can afford it. I can afford to pay the electrician. And I think I must get the bedroom to a state where we can 'stop production' and ask for a bill to that point, to see if it can continue. When this all started, I was pretty sure I could manage the expense. After looking at my savings a few weeks back, when I thought I could need it to support myself if I couldn't work ... all of a sudden not having a safety net is a little more frightening than it was before.

Number four is tough. A friendship of the past that isn't working anymore. I need to 'say no' to that. But ... what I did instead (rather than give up 2 precious hours to have coffee, on my only day off), was not answer the phone when I saw the number come up. Next time I need to pick up the phone and say 'no' to coffee and 'yes' to me. Out loud. I was so relieved to have the entirety of Sunday to tend to what I wanted to. I have 'lost' those hours on so many Sundays recently, when I didn't have them to spend. It's tricky ... this is a person that was a huge part of my world at one time. How does one honor the past friendship but let it go with dignity and no hard feelings?

Number five is the 'chicken pox' epidemic and the ramifications. My new 1 yr old was to start today and they are going to check with their doctor before they bring her into contact with the 'bug' here. The dad was just diagnosed with brain cancer so I am thinking that there could be a risk to him, if his daughter got the chicken pox so this is a valid concern.

The reason I've been 'okay' with my stretched budget was knowing that I had this extra income coming in May, that wasn't accounted for. I guess it's good that I wasn't counting on it, because I may not have it until this chicken pox epidemic runs its course. Then there is the lost income if kids stay home sick with it ...

Number six, is the 'up in the airness' of the plans in Moose Jaw. My cousin (that lives there) and I were hoping to work in a short visit while we were in the area. And that could have worked out ... but now I'm not so sure because I'm waiting to hear back from the other parties involved.

Then there is this tiny little part of me that realizes how much I require my health to support myself. All of these doctor appointments and tests behind me, with one more in the future. I am so certain that there is absolutely no need to be concerned. But what if?? What if I needed to take some time off to tend to my health? It is simply not an option!


I feel like I'm working without a net right now. It is not an enjoyable spot. I will endure. I always have and I always will. I need to take action and find some solutions to the things that are within my control. And when it boils right down to it, the only thing I can't control is the result of that doctors visit down the road. And that is the one thing that I'm not worried about.


So! It is time to take action and have the ''courage to change the things I can''.