I feel a connection to people whose sense of who they are is shattered, threatened or eroded. Losing myself within a relationship has been a recurring theme in my life. Without a strong sense of myself, I let another person sway my thinking, feeling and outlook on life. I gradually let go of things that were important to my sense of well being. So gradually, that I could not see where it began or how it evolved to the place where I had sunk to. I started belittling myself and lost all sense of 'me'.
This past year has been a gradual rebuilding, renovation and strengthening within. I have stumbled upon the formula that worked for me. A 'recipe' to start to feel good, strong and happy within my thoughts - my centre of strength and well being.
I have a marvelous support system of friends and family that have cheered me along the way. It seemed every baby step that I took forward, I felt that angel at my side urging me forward. My angels were in many forms. Friends and family sum it up the best. But even when left to my own devices, there was a positive self-talk happening within my brain. I found quotes, sayings and positive thinking articles that kept moving me in a forward direction. There may have been times when I hit a plateau. But I never felt that I slid backwards once my thoughts started heading in a positive and forward direction. 'Look forward, not back' was a mantra that took some time to incorporate into my brain waves.
Those quiet thoughts within your own mind are those that can make you or break you. If your inner voice is constantly belittling or negative it is hard for your outer self to have a positive outlook on things. For myself, I find it necessary to read, absorb, listen and surround myself with positive thoughts and people. Being around negative energy drains me.
I have also found that pursuing something that excites me, drives me or that I feel passionate about puts a little bit of fire behind my actions. That driving force has kept me trying one more new thing at a time. Feeling excited about something in my life makes waking up in the morning something that I look forward to. And it's important that passion is driven by me - that no outside force is necessary to keep the fire burning within.
Writing has always been something that I fall back on in good times and in bad and everywhere in between. It releases words and energy (positive or negative) out of my thinking and out into the world. There is nothing worse than a negative thought that starts spinning out of control within your mind. It attracts negative energy like bees to honey. It is poison to a person's sense of well being. Writing has always helped me release those thoughts. If nothing else, when you put it on paper you can see the number of things that you are dealing with. When thoughts are freefalling within your mind they multiply, infect and interfere with anything positive. On paper you may see 10 negative thoughts. Within your mind, those very same 10 thoughts feel like 100.
Your passion doesn't even have to be something that the world acknowledges as a true talent. I think of my singing when I say that. I have always loved to sing. There was a time (before I saved up for my first tape recorder and heard my own voice), that I had the illusion that I was a good singer. After facing the reality that I was a mediocre singer at best (a bad singer, at worst), I learned to turn up the volume of the music higher than my own voice and I could still feel the joy of singing without the reality of my voice interfering. Then my world got busy, my house got full and the times that I could turn up my music and sing my heart out became next to nil. It was in the painting of my newly renovated bedroom that I discovered the pure joy I felt as I sang loudly and sang for hours on end. There is something joyful &/or emotional that is released from me when I sing.
What works for me doesn't necessarily work for everyone. I think the secret is to think back on your younger years and try to remember what made you feel joyful. Something that you did for you - whether or not you were good at it. Simply something that lightened the load and made you feel good or was an outlet for positive or negative energy forces within. Whether it is sports, creating something with your hands or mind, working, losing yourself in nature or whatever your inner happiness thrived on ... I think that finding that and nurturing it brings a sense of well being and grounds a person.
I look around me at times and feel that I can sense when a person that I know well, feels 'lost'. I just want to help that person find that key within themselves that can unlock the door to find that inner happiness. Happiness that nothing or no one can take away from them. I wish that the key that I found for myself worked for everyone. No one can take their own key and place it in the hands of someone who isn't ready, isn't looking or can't accept it. It has to start from within.
Every person deserves to feel good within. A feeling that cannot be taken away or dependent on anything or anybody. I believe that with my whole heart and soul.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Disconnected
My internet was down for the majority of the day. And did life go on? Differently than it would have, had the internet been working ... but the day did unfold, even without my connection to the outside world via the internet.
It makes me wonder if I have become too dependent on this computer network world. I run to the computer to check the weather, check my email, do my banking, answer any little question I may wonder about, download a song ... ... ... You name it, a person can do it with the internet.
And is this a good thing? I am pondering that. In my world without a lot of personal adult contact, I know I rely on this connection.
Some days this feels like my life line. And is that a good thing? Something to ponder ...
It makes me wonder if I have become too dependent on this computer network world. I run to the computer to check the weather, check my email, do my banking, answer any little question I may wonder about, download a song ... ... ... You name it, a person can do it with the internet.
And is this a good thing? I am pondering that. In my world without a lot of personal adult contact, I know I rely on this connection.
Some days this feels like my life line. And is that a good thing? Something to ponder ...
Monday, July 28, 2008
Give More Than You Take
The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die - John Izzo
It is in the giving that you receive...
The magic of Christmas was finally revealed to me when I learned to live that statement. The Christmases that stand out in my mind are the ones where I was more excited about what I gave than what I received. In fact, a few 'from the heart' words in whatever language fit the giver the best (written, spoken or the action), is the best gift I could ever receive.
It was after the magic of this past Christmas that I started my blog in a way to keep connected to people all year long instead of that one letter during the Christmas season. I am quoting myself from my very first blog entry on December 29th of last year:
"It has been a 'Christmas of all Christmases' this year. It seems that the spirit of the season enveloped me and touched everything in my life. The entire month seems like it has been one blessing after another. Gatherings with friends and family ... the shared history that makes the simple act of getting together a gift unto itself.
I thoroughly enjoy the Christmas card exchange part of this season. Keeping in touch with friends and family near and far ... finding a unique way to 'tell my story' ... writing to each individual and feeling as though I had just sat down and shared a coffee (though the conversation is a little one sided) ... it inspires me, it envelops me with such a feeling of 'oneness' with this big place called earth. To feel connected to so many, from so many places, and our shared pasts. Hmmm..."
This was the spirit in which I started the year and it has been a gift that kept on giving. One inspiration led to the next; one success gave me the courage to try again; one well timed phone call or email spurred me onto the next. In each case, I was 'giving' a small piece of myself. And there was a person on the receiving end that could receive something from my gesture.
This has been the best lesson of all for me. In opening up my world and taking chances on reaching out to people, trying new things, following my heart and following my whims it has created a new person within.
A while ago, the thought of the day from "The Secret" calendar that I have, was making sure that your thoughts/words/actions and surroundings don't contradict your desires when you want to attract a relationship. To think of the actions you would take in preparation for the relationship and do as many of them as you can. I read that entry and felt that I have taken positive steps to attract positive people in my life. I am not necessarily thinking of a relationship of the male/female variety. I am thinking of the relationships that I already have with the people in my life. And the new friendships that I am making along the way.
I like the person that I am. I feel better than I have ever felt before in my life. There is a contentedness within me that nothing or no one can take from me. I have learned it and I have earned it. It is here to stay.
I do believe that I was discovering the 'Five Secrets' long before I read this article. And as I started out saying when I first started this entry ... it is in the giving that you receive. I have received more than I could ever hope for. I am happy.
"Give more than you take."
It is in the giving that you receive...
The magic of Christmas was finally revealed to me when I learned to live that statement. The Christmases that stand out in my mind are the ones where I was more excited about what I gave than what I received. In fact, a few 'from the heart' words in whatever language fit the giver the best (written, spoken or the action), is the best gift I could ever receive.
It was after the magic of this past Christmas that I started my blog in a way to keep connected to people all year long instead of that one letter during the Christmas season. I am quoting myself from my very first blog entry on December 29th of last year:
"It has been a 'Christmas of all Christmases' this year. It seems that the spirit of the season enveloped me and touched everything in my life. The entire month seems like it has been one blessing after another. Gatherings with friends and family ... the shared history that makes the simple act of getting together a gift unto itself.
I thoroughly enjoy the Christmas card exchange part of this season. Keeping in touch with friends and family near and far ... finding a unique way to 'tell my story' ... writing to each individual and feeling as though I had just sat down and shared a coffee (though the conversation is a little one sided) ... it inspires me, it envelops me with such a feeling of 'oneness' with this big place called earth. To feel connected to so many, from so many places, and our shared pasts. Hmmm..."
This was the spirit in which I started the year and it has been a gift that kept on giving. One inspiration led to the next; one success gave me the courage to try again; one well timed phone call or email spurred me onto the next. In each case, I was 'giving' a small piece of myself. And there was a person on the receiving end that could receive something from my gesture.
This has been the best lesson of all for me. In opening up my world and taking chances on reaching out to people, trying new things, following my heart and following my whims it has created a new person within.
A while ago, the thought of the day from "The Secret" calendar that I have, was making sure that your thoughts/words/actions and surroundings don't contradict your desires when you want to attract a relationship. To think of the actions you would take in preparation for the relationship and do as many of them as you can. I read that entry and felt that I have taken positive steps to attract positive people in my life. I am not necessarily thinking of a relationship of the male/female variety. I am thinking of the relationships that I already have with the people in my life. And the new friendships that I am making along the way.
I like the person that I am. I feel better than I have ever felt before in my life. There is a contentedness within me that nothing or no one can take from me. I have learned it and I have earned it. It is here to stay.
I do believe that I was discovering the 'Five Secrets' long before I read this article. And as I started out saying when I first started this entry ... it is in the giving that you receive. I have received more than I could ever hope for. I am happy.
"Give more than you take."
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Live the Moment
The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die - John Izzo
Living in a world where I am surrounded by children who live and breathe the essence of that statement should make this a no-brainer for me. But it doesn't. Maybe that is the lesson to be learned for me in this child oriented world of mine.
I have been working on this theme in my life. My daycare blog, my movies, my writing ... I am looking for the little miracles and special moments in my everyday world instead of looking beyond what lies beyond my reach. I am looking for the gems hidden among what I already have.
And I am rich. When I can truly lose myself in the innocence and honest conversations of children I am blessed. Unfortunately I have that lack of attention span (doing 6 things at a time and thinking of 6 million more things), that keeps this a challenge for me.
I must learn to do this in every area of my life. To lose myself in the moment with my own children ... to sit down and do absolutely nothing else when I am talking on the phone ... to take time for myself where I am not just squeezing it in, between loads of laundry and the next 5 things on my to-do list. To lose myself in the moment. It is something to strive for (and succeed at!).
"Live the Moment."
Living in a world where I am surrounded by children who live and breathe the essence of that statement should make this a no-brainer for me. But it doesn't. Maybe that is the lesson to be learned for me in this child oriented world of mine.
I have been working on this theme in my life. My daycare blog, my movies, my writing ... I am looking for the little miracles and special moments in my everyday world instead of looking beyond what lies beyond my reach. I am looking for the gems hidden among what I already have.
And I am rich. When I can truly lose myself in the innocence and honest conversations of children I am blessed. Unfortunately I have that lack of attention span (doing 6 things at a time and thinking of 6 million more things), that keeps this a challenge for me.
I must learn to do this in every area of my life. To lose myself in the moment with my own children ... to sit down and do absolutely nothing else when I am talking on the phone ... to take time for myself where I am not just squeezing it in, between loads of laundry and the next 5 things on my to-do list. To lose myself in the moment. It is something to strive for (and succeed at!).
"Live the Moment."
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Become Love
The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die - John Izzo
Become love - "make the choice not to search for love but to be a loving person"
To become a loving person ... I once heard it described that love is a verb. And in that context I feel that I can become love.
Uttering the words "I love you" has never come easy to me. I've had the words spoken to me when the person saying them wasn't acting in a loving fashion. The words were not spoken at home as I grew up. But the verb was always acted out. I was loved. And that was more important to me than hearing the words.
The words by themselves are meaningless. The action of loving and being loved is heartfelt and true. There is a language that transcends the verbal language we use. And that is the language which is most comfortable for me.
Become love. Being open, honest, giving, appreciative and giving someone my full attention define that statement to me. In most ways I am succeeding. The one thing I am faltering at, is giving someone my full attention. Lately my mind has been abuzz with at least 6 things I'm physically trying to do. And that is just my body. My mind is all over the place. So I must work on my attention span and the attention the people around me deserve (this is also what was lacking in my last failed relationship - note taken!).
Become love. It is an evolution of a person and becomes who you want to be. For someone to meet you and feel that emotion coming from within ... could only attract positive into ones life. Couldn't it?
"Become love."
Become love - "make the choice not to search for love but to be a loving person"
To become a loving person ... I once heard it described that love is a verb. And in that context I feel that I can become love.
Uttering the words "I love you" has never come easy to me. I've had the words spoken to me when the person saying them wasn't acting in a loving fashion. The words were not spoken at home as I grew up. But the verb was always acted out. I was loved. And that was more important to me than hearing the words.
The words by themselves are meaningless. The action of loving and being loved is heartfelt and true. There is a language that transcends the verbal language we use. And that is the language which is most comfortable for me.
Become love. Being open, honest, giving, appreciative and giving someone my full attention define that statement to me. In most ways I am succeeding. The one thing I am faltering at, is giving someone my full attention. Lately my mind has been abuzz with at least 6 things I'm physically trying to do. And that is just my body. My mind is all over the place. So I must work on my attention span and the attention the people around me deserve (this is also what was lacking in my last failed relationship - note taken!).
Become love. It is an evolution of a person and becomes who you want to be. For someone to meet you and feel that emotion coming from within ... could only attract positive into ones life. Couldn't it?
"Become love."
Friday, July 25, 2008
Leave No Regrets
The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die - John Izzo
This is the second theme that is unveiled in this book.
This past year, my inner motto has been to follow my whims. If I have an idea, I follow through with it. If I'm thinking of someone, I will call or write to them. If I feel the need to be around people, I initiate a visit. If I need to step away from 'life as I know it', I make plans to do so.
I believe that I could say I have had close to 100% success with this way of thinking. Yes, there have been times where I have made an offer or reached out to someone who wasn't at a place to take me up on my offer or to reach back ... but I have no regrets. I followed my inner voice (I was true to myself) and I put myself out there.
'Out there' is a scary place when you aren't familiar with it. 'In here' ... inside my home, my brain, my comfort zone is a place I enjoy and have not felt the burning desire to venture away from. 'In here' is safe. 'Out there' is a risk. But it is a risk worth taking .... condition being ... that you are true to yourself.
"Leave no regrets."
This is the second theme that is unveiled in this book.
This past year, my inner motto has been to follow my whims. If I have an idea, I follow through with it. If I'm thinking of someone, I will call or write to them. If I feel the need to be around people, I initiate a visit. If I need to step away from 'life as I know it', I make plans to do so.
I believe that I could say I have had close to 100% success with this way of thinking. Yes, there have been times where I have made an offer or reached out to someone who wasn't at a place to take me up on my offer or to reach back ... but I have no regrets. I followed my inner voice (I was true to myself) and I put myself out there.
'Out there' is a scary place when you aren't familiar with it. 'In here' ... inside my home, my brain, my comfort zone is a place I enjoy and have not felt the burning desire to venture away from. 'In here' is safe. 'Out there' is a risk. But it is a risk worth taking .... condition being ... that you are true to yourself.
"Leave no regrets."
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Be True to Yourself
"The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die" - John Izzo
This is a book I must find. I read a small article that briefly described the book and I feel compelled to read the book in its entirety.
One of the themes in this book is "Be True to Yourself".
As I look back on my life and weigh it against that measure, the times I wasn't true to myself, the times I ignored that inner voice talking (sometimes it was screaming and I still overrode it) are the times that I strayed from the 'right' decision.
Okay, no decision that I have made has been truly wrong. I've had to take a few detours in my life to become the person I am. A person who has chosen enough tough paths to make me more compassionate and accepting.
While in the midst of fighting the battles and surviving certain choices, I was so deep into that road that I couldn't see my way out. In each decision that wasn't the right one for me, there was a time where I didn't know where to turn.
It seemed there was a crisis point in each detour in my life. A point where a firm choice had to be made at that fork in the road. It was at the peak of each crisis that my inner voice came through loud and clear. Once I followed that voice, the obstacles disappeared.
Each time my life hit a point where I could hear and heed that inner voice and be true to myself, I made a choice that I have never regreted.
"Be true to yourself."
This is a book I must find. I read a small article that briefly described the book and I feel compelled to read the book in its entirety.
One of the themes in this book is "Be True to Yourself".
As I look back on my life and weigh it against that measure, the times I wasn't true to myself, the times I ignored that inner voice talking (sometimes it was screaming and I still overrode it) are the times that I strayed from the 'right' decision.
Okay, no decision that I have made has been truly wrong. I've had to take a few detours in my life to become the person I am. A person who has chosen enough tough paths to make me more compassionate and accepting.
While in the midst of fighting the battles and surviving certain choices, I was so deep into that road that I couldn't see my way out. In each decision that wasn't the right one for me, there was a time where I didn't know where to turn.
It seemed there was a crisis point in each detour in my life. A point where a firm choice had to be made at that fork in the road. It was at the peak of each crisis that my inner voice came through loud and clear. Once I followed that voice, the obstacles disappeared.
Each time my life hit a point where I could hear and heed that inner voice and be true to myself, I made a choice that I have never regreted.
"Be true to yourself."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)