I don't know what it is about mowing the lawn, but my mind goes into deep-thinking mode as I go about the mindless task of circling the lawn as I tend to the job at hand. It makes me wonder what Dad thought about as he put on endless miles on his tractor/combine as he circled his land long ago ...
This morning my thoughts went to the lilac bush that I was so happy to find still standing on our old farm home site. I have very few memories of my childhood, but the one memory that I do have that is strong, is the wafting scent of those lilacs, as I played in our yard at the farm as a child.
To this day, I love the lingering scent of a lilac bush as you walk by when it is in full bloom. It is a sensory 'touch' and brings back such a feeling of happiness. It is a light and unassuming scent. The blossoms come and go quickly, but while they are in full bloom they make their mark.
My thoughts deepened as I thought of lilacs and how I relate to them. I thought of the lilac bush that I have in my back yard. A bush that I 'live with' throughout every season of the year. From the budding of the leaves in the spring; to the enjoyment of the flowers and light aroma in their 'summer'; the tree in its unadorned plainness during our summer; to the twigs in the winter as it hunkers down to survive the dormant season only to reawaken in the spring.
I feel akin to that lilac bush. My seasons don't necessarily correlate with the seasons of the year, but there is the season of rebirth that follows every dormant and stagnant season.
The lethargy, the hum drum feeling of living the same old life, day after day. Or a time when I must retreat within myself to take root and survive a tough 'winter' ...
This season is followed by a reawakening. A rebirth, a new perspective. And sometimes it gives birth to a 'bud' of an idea or goal.
As the idea takes root, it grows and eventually there is a burst of excitement as a goal is reached ... the idea has blossomed for others to enjoy. I like to think of the wafting scent of that lilac as the way I waft in and out of peoples lives. I may have touched a small part of their life and I hope that the scent I leave behind is light and memorable as the unimposing aroma of a lilac bush as you walk by.
Then there is the longest season. The season where the bush just sits there, fully in leaf and requiring little maintenance until the leaves finally fall in the autumn of our seasons. This is the season that I like to think of as the mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece or friend in me. I'm simply 'there' in an ordinary way ...
But every now and then, I do need to shed some leaves and I have a small but mighty group of supporting people that are there, during that necessary process.
When I leave this earth, I hope that the memory I leave behind is that of a lilac in full bloom. Let my memory waft in and out of your consciousness and leave a pleasant scent in its wake ...
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The Best Things in Life Are Free
We had a thoroughly enjoyable evening out tonight. We took in the fireworks display "The First Annual Fireworks Extravaganza!" I just love fireworks! I just normally can't stay awake long enough to take in the July 1st display.
Fireworks in August, at 9:30 at night work right into my sleeping schedule (mind you, the excitement tonight has kept me up far later than the July 1st fireworks would have).
Enjoy the show ...
Fireworks in August, at 9:30 at night work right into my sleeping schedule (mind you, the excitement tonight has kept me up far later than the July 1st fireworks would have).
Enjoy the show ...
You Don't Always Get What You Want ...
... but sometimes (usually), you get what you need.
Life is funny that way. It throws you a curve ball and it takes you off the path that is predictable and familiar. It is uncomfortable, a little frightening and you just don't know where it is going. But every time I've made a slight detour from where I thought I was headed, I have been pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
A month ago, I was feeling very uneasy about where things were at. Nothing was certain. The only thing that I knew for sure was that I had to stop spending money. Now.
So ... I tightened the purse strings, drew up a plan ... and followed it. And something that I already knew (but had forgotten) is that I do well on a strict budget. In fact, this budget has enhanced my life!
On the surface, it means 'no junk food in the house' (yay!! to curb the terrible eating habits I have developed). It means 'no frivolous spending' (utilize what you have on hand and forget about looking beyond what you have or need). It means free time can be spent doing 'free things' (everything doesn't have to cost money!). It means filling my time with people and projects that utilize what I have on hand (I don't need to spend money to write, to visit or to reach out to someone). It means finding ways to spend time with My Youngest (not money on him). It shifts the focus on what I have (from what I want).
It costs nothing to phone, visit or email a friend. It costs nothing to write. It costs nothing to reach out to a family member you would like to know better. It costs nothing to share a ride with someone when you were already going there. It costs nothing to spend time, not money on yourself, your family or your friends. It costs nothing to read (if you read what you already have, can borrow or get from a library). It costs nothing to expand your mind and your heart. It costs nothing to be a friend. It costs nothing to share an experience with someone when you feel in your heart it is something you want to do and it can only be enhanced by sharing it with someone who could appreciate it as much as you.
When they say 'The best things in life are free', they are right. That isn't true in the scenario where lack of money to cover your essentials, overwhelming debt overtake the resources you have or you don't have the ability to earn what you need. But once the essentials of life are bought and paid for, the best parts of life are free. A healthy and happy heart and home. Friends and family. Peace of mind.
I am surrounded in the richness that is my life ...
Life is funny that way. It throws you a curve ball and it takes you off the path that is predictable and familiar. It is uncomfortable, a little frightening and you just don't know where it is going. But every time I've made a slight detour from where I thought I was headed, I have been pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
A month ago, I was feeling very uneasy about where things were at. Nothing was certain. The only thing that I knew for sure was that I had to stop spending money. Now.
So ... I tightened the purse strings, drew up a plan ... and followed it. And something that I already knew (but had forgotten) is that I do well on a strict budget. In fact, this budget has enhanced my life!
On the surface, it means 'no junk food in the house' (yay!! to curb the terrible eating habits I have developed). It means 'no frivolous spending' (utilize what you have on hand and forget about looking beyond what you have or need). It means free time can be spent doing 'free things' (everything doesn't have to cost money!). It means filling my time with people and projects that utilize what I have on hand (I don't need to spend money to write, to visit or to reach out to someone). It means finding ways to spend time with My Youngest (not money on him). It shifts the focus on what I have (from what I want).
It costs nothing to phone, visit or email a friend. It costs nothing to write. It costs nothing to reach out to a family member you would like to know better. It costs nothing to share a ride with someone when you were already going there. It costs nothing to spend time, not money on yourself, your family or your friends. It costs nothing to read (if you read what you already have, can borrow or get from a library). It costs nothing to expand your mind and your heart. It costs nothing to be a friend. It costs nothing to share an experience with someone when you feel in your heart it is something you want to do and it can only be enhanced by sharing it with someone who could appreciate it as much as you.
When they say 'The best things in life are free', they are right. That isn't true in the scenario where lack of money to cover your essentials, overwhelming debt overtake the resources you have or you don't have the ability to earn what you need. But once the essentials of life are bought and paid for, the best parts of life are free. A healthy and happy heart and home. Friends and family. Peace of mind.
I am surrounded in the richness that is my life ...
Friday, August 29, 2008
Ways to Build Courage
Stepping out of one's comfort zone and doing 'just one thing' that doesn't feel easy to do is a sure fire way to build courage.
Ever since I read the article '66 Ways to Build Courage', I believe that I have become a little bit addicted to pushing myself beyond what is comfortable and safe.
I used to break into a cold sweat before I dialed the phone. 'Dialing out' was simply something I didn't do unless I had a defined purpose for my call. Calling someone just to chat, was far out of my comfort zone (who would want to talk to me?). Initiating a visit or get together was simply too scary (who would want to get together with me??). I assumed everyone was busy leading their active and interesting lives and ... who would want to be interrupted by me???
Well, it took years for the tide to turn. There were many times that I would tell someone that I had been thinking of them at a certain time. And they would tell me that it would have been so good to hear from me right then (for whatever reason) ... or that they had been feeling the same way as I had been at the time. It happened often. I realized that a person really should listen to those instincts and make that call.
I finally, finally started acting on those instincts last year. And it has served me well. I cannot believe the success that I have had when ever I have had the strong feeling to call or email someone. I have had some marvelous get aways/visits/gatherings that simply wouldn't have happened if I hadn't reached out and said "What do you think about ..... "
Yesterday, the strong urge hit me again. This morning I picked up the phone and started calling. I called my cousins that lived in the city and suggested we have a cousin-get-together some Sunday afternoon. Just casual. Come and go ... or come and stay (and we could have a BBQ). I reached 3 people and 3 out of 3 of them were in total agreement with me. To get together and get to know each other a little better and simply enjoy 'family'.
I moved here 20 1/2 years ago and at that time, I didn't really want cousins to feel obligated to like me or be my friend ... just because we are related. But after seeing everyone briefly last weekend and just having a short visit with some of them, I realized something. I would love to be their friend. After 20+ years, I have the courage to reach out. After 20+ years, I feel worthy of my family (I won't go into how low my self esteem was, when I moved out here). After over 20 years, I am courageous enough to pick up the phone and say "Hi, would you like to get together some time?" And it is working for me.
I am euphoric. I feel courageous!
Doing just one thing that pushes you out of your comfort zone does amazing things.
Ever since I read the article '66 Ways to Build Courage', I believe that I have become a little bit addicted to pushing myself beyond what is comfortable and safe.
I used to break into a cold sweat before I dialed the phone. 'Dialing out' was simply something I didn't do unless I had a defined purpose for my call. Calling someone just to chat, was far out of my comfort zone (who would want to talk to me?). Initiating a visit or get together was simply too scary (who would want to get together with me??). I assumed everyone was busy leading their active and interesting lives and ... who would want to be interrupted by me???
Well, it took years for the tide to turn. There were many times that I would tell someone that I had been thinking of them at a certain time. And they would tell me that it would have been so good to hear from me right then (for whatever reason) ... or that they had been feeling the same way as I had been at the time. It happened often. I realized that a person really should listen to those instincts and make that call.
I finally, finally started acting on those instincts last year. And it has served me well. I cannot believe the success that I have had when ever I have had the strong feeling to call or email someone. I have had some marvelous get aways/visits/gatherings that simply wouldn't have happened if I hadn't reached out and said "What do you think about ..... "
Yesterday, the strong urge hit me again. This morning I picked up the phone and started calling. I called my cousins that lived in the city and suggested we have a cousin-get-together some Sunday afternoon. Just casual. Come and go ... or come and stay (and we could have a BBQ). I reached 3 people and 3 out of 3 of them were in total agreement with me. To get together and get to know each other a little better and simply enjoy 'family'.
I moved here 20 1/2 years ago and at that time, I didn't really want cousins to feel obligated to like me or be my friend ... just because we are related. But after seeing everyone briefly last weekend and just having a short visit with some of them, I realized something. I would love to be their friend. After 20+ years, I have the courage to reach out. After 20+ years, I feel worthy of my family (I won't go into how low my self esteem was, when I moved out here). After over 20 years, I am courageous enough to pick up the phone and say "Hi, would you like to get together some time?" And it is working for me.
I am euphoric. I feel courageous!
Doing just one thing that pushes you out of your comfort zone does amazing things.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
A Transition Time
I am feeling the shift of a changing season in many ways right now.
Literally, the fall season is starting to show its appearance in the cool mornings, the shortened days and the return of school.
Less obvious, is the change of my thought process and direction in my own life. I'm forging out on less familiar territory again.
The family blog seemed like a good idea at the time. And it really hasn't been that long that the idea has been 'out there'. But it's not generating much interest yet. Well maybe it's gaining some interest, but not too many takers on 'authors'. I sat on the idea of a blog for over a year before I acted on it. So I can't expect anyone else to feel comfortable diving right in, the first time it is suggested. It's just a frightening spot to be ... out there on that ledge ... alone.
Writing about the family history idea on Dad's side is starting to take root. There is interest there. And where there is interest, there is opportunity! I will take this slowly and not try to break any records in trying to put this together. But I believe in this. And I will pursue it.
I've taken the first step in helping another family tell their story. A giant step! This family was ready to have their story told. All I have to do is listen, record and organize the information they have. It feels like their story is so eager to be shared, that I hope I can keep up.
I am also feeling the urge to unite the cousins that live close to me, for a 'cousin get together'. Just one small step towards becoming better acquainted. It is just an idea. But one I'd like to act on.
It is a season of stepping out of what is comfortable. Taking a few chances and placing myself 'out on a limb'.
Literally, the fall season is starting to show its appearance in the cool mornings, the shortened days and the return of school.
Less obvious, is the change of my thought process and direction in my own life. I'm forging out on less familiar territory again.
The family blog seemed like a good idea at the time. And it really hasn't been that long that the idea has been 'out there'. But it's not generating much interest yet. Well maybe it's gaining some interest, but not too many takers on 'authors'. I sat on the idea of a blog for over a year before I acted on it. So I can't expect anyone else to feel comfortable diving right in, the first time it is suggested. It's just a frightening spot to be ... out there on that ledge ... alone.
Writing about the family history idea on Dad's side is starting to take root. There is interest there. And where there is interest, there is opportunity! I will take this slowly and not try to break any records in trying to put this together. But I believe in this. And I will pursue it.
I've taken the first step in helping another family tell their story. A giant step! This family was ready to have their story told. All I have to do is listen, record and organize the information they have. It feels like their story is so eager to be shared, that I hope I can keep up.
I am also feeling the urge to unite the cousins that live close to me, for a 'cousin get together'. Just one small step towards becoming better acquainted. It is just an idea. But one I'd like to act on.
It is a season of stepping out of what is comfortable. Taking a few chances and placing myself 'out on a limb'.
Monday, August 25, 2008
What I've Been Up to Today
As I drove to Watrous yesterday, I was hit with the overwhelming desire to pursue just one more blog - for and about our family.
Today, I have put together a new family blog (the link is listed on the side of this blog). I have amassed a lot of video and photo slideshow footage of a few family events this year so I've been downloading the highlights of our family celebrations. Feel free to check it out ... and feel free to ignore it as well (it's a very time consuming stop, as I have downloaded 14 videos &/or slideshows)!
It is just a glimpse at some of the wonders of family that I have been revelling in, this year.
Today, I have put together a new family blog (the link is listed on the side of this blog). I have amassed a lot of video and photo slideshow footage of a few family events this year so I've been downloading the highlights of our family celebrations. Feel free to check it out ... and feel free to ignore it as well (it's a very time consuming stop, as I have downloaded 14 videos &/or slideshows)!
It is just a glimpse at some of the wonders of family that I have been revelling in, this year.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
We Are Family
2008 has felt like 'The Year of Family' in my world ...
Writing about Mom's family over the course of last winter certainly piqued my interest in family and the connection we share. Being a part of organizing Mom's birthday gathering was yet another time that felt so incredible to be enveloped in family. There has also been a graduation, a wedding, a funeral and an anniversary celebration to bring family together this summer.
It is such a blessing when we can gather together when the occasion is one of light heartedness and celebration. The pain of losing someone is eased, when it is enveloped in between other family gatherings and a chance to be surrounded in the kinship of family.
I don't know if it my age or just my perspective on things, as we all gain a few more years. But to me, every time that we can get together, get reacquainted (or acquainted for a first time) and feel that familiarity that comes from the 'family connection' it is a most precious gift.
Looking back in time and putting together Mom's family's story started the process which has me longing to know my family and find my 'roots'. The desire to look into doing the same thing with Dad's family is grounding me some more...
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to take a walk down memory lane (literally). I have had such a strong urge to go back to our farm yard and see what I remember and what resurfaces as I look at the familiar lay of the land. My Sister and Mom were kind enough to join me in my little adventure. It was exactly what I had hoped for. At a glance, little looks the same. The house is gone, some buildings are missing, trails are grown in and miscellaneous machinery and buildings are around the yard. But the landscape is the same and we are pretty sure we found the old shortcut to the school across the field.
My strongest memory of growing up is the smell of lilacs in the back yard. I was so happy to find the lilacs that are the hold that I have to my childhood. I feel like I have found my roots.
As I search for ways to reconnect with my family, capture old memories and make new ones I am realizing just how important it is to me to feel 'grounded'. I have secluded myself most of my life. As a quiet child, I placed a distance between myself and most of the people around me. As an adult, I made some detours in life and I had to pick up the pieces of my life and carry on a few too many times. I was very self conscious of the person I had become and the decisions that I had made that defined me. I continued to keep my distance. But the path that I have been following this year seems to feel like I am coming home ... at last. Closing the distance between myself, family and friends has charted the road that I have been following. Going 'home' to our farm was another small piece of the puzzle that I've been putting together.
Feeling grounded. Feeling secure in the world among family and friends. Cherishing what you have. Following a new, uncharted path that is leading to a place that feels warm and joyous.
I've found a promising new road. And I plan to follow where ever it may lead.
Writing about Mom's family over the course of last winter certainly piqued my interest in family and the connection we share. Being a part of organizing Mom's birthday gathering was yet another time that felt so incredible to be enveloped in family. There has also been a graduation, a wedding, a funeral and an anniversary celebration to bring family together this summer.
It is such a blessing when we can gather together when the occasion is one of light heartedness and celebration. The pain of losing someone is eased, when it is enveloped in between other family gatherings and a chance to be surrounded in the kinship of family.
I don't know if it my age or just my perspective on things, as we all gain a few more years. But to me, every time that we can get together, get reacquainted (or acquainted for a first time) and feel that familiarity that comes from the 'family connection' it is a most precious gift.
Looking back in time and putting together Mom's family's story started the process which has me longing to know my family and find my 'roots'. The desire to look into doing the same thing with Dad's family is grounding me some more...
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to take a walk down memory lane (literally). I have had such a strong urge to go back to our farm yard and see what I remember and what resurfaces as I look at the familiar lay of the land. My Sister and Mom were kind enough to join me in my little adventure. It was exactly what I had hoped for. At a glance, little looks the same. The house is gone, some buildings are missing, trails are grown in and miscellaneous machinery and buildings are around the yard. But the landscape is the same and we are pretty sure we found the old shortcut to the school across the field.
My strongest memory of growing up is the smell of lilacs in the back yard. I was so happy to find the lilacs that are the hold that I have to my childhood. I feel like I have found my roots.
As I search for ways to reconnect with my family, capture old memories and make new ones I am realizing just how important it is to me to feel 'grounded'. I have secluded myself most of my life. As a quiet child, I placed a distance between myself and most of the people around me. As an adult, I made some detours in life and I had to pick up the pieces of my life and carry on a few too many times. I was very self conscious of the person I had become and the decisions that I had made that defined me. I continued to keep my distance. But the path that I have been following this year seems to feel like I am coming home ... at last. Closing the distance between myself, family and friends has charted the road that I have been following. Going 'home' to our farm was another small piece of the puzzle that I've been putting together.
Feeling grounded. Feeling secure in the world among family and friends. Cherishing what you have. Following a new, uncharted path that is leading to a place that feels warm and joyous.
I've found a promising new road. And I plan to follow where ever it may lead.
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