Thursday, August 11, 2011

I Should Have Known

No jewelry was allowed. I had to take off Mom's engagement ring and leave it at home. My heart hurt each and every time I removed 'priceless' piece of family jewelery off of my hand and left it behind.

I told My Youngest that I planned to work 5:30 to 8:00 each week day morning. He said nothing. His eyes said volumes.

I wasn't comfortable. But I was determined. I thought that I needed two jobs to afford to take the job I saw in my future.

That choice was taken out of my hands yesterday.

I was told "You are of no use to me if you cannot work until 8:00 a.m." at my early morning job. I found out yesterday afternoon that my job at the school will start at 8:00. I am back down to one job.

Am I relieved? A little bit. The biggest two reasons are Mom's ring and My Youngest's reaction.

Is there any benefit to the two (or more) weeks of unemployment that lie ahead? You bet! I can drive Mom back home after her upcoming weekend visit. Then I can stay for a bit of a holiday. I can revel in two stress-free weeks before I start anew ... again.

The frustration is, that I hadn't conquered New Job #1. In fact I was a far cry from attaining that goal.

Yesterday was without a doubt, the worst day in the history of my Work Life. Yes, it was a day that broke me into pieces and left me shattered. Time ... after time ... after time. It was relentless.

It was a day that took what was left of my self esteem after my last job and threw it out the window. It was a very bad day.

But ... it was a day that made me more determined than ever, to go back and conquer my fears and inadequacies. I was going to overcome those obstacles and come out victorious. I could do it. I knew I could.

Discovering the hours of my job at the school has taken away my opportunity to do so.

I am disappointed that I cannot work at my early morning job until my next job begins. I could have used the income. I could have regained some self esteem by overcoming yesterday. But I was of no value to them. It felt like a slap in the face.

So I will take the good out of the situation and forge ahead. I will savor the unplanned two week vacation that now lies before me. I will fully appreciate those people who know and do their jobs with such ease ... and have great empathy for those who are struggling.

I will take the lessons and shed the rest. Yesterday is but a memory. Today is mine. The future is unknown but promising.

There were warning signs right from the onset. I should have known. But I'm glad that I tried.

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