But What if He Wasn't ....

I have a friend who has attained what I have only dreamed of. She has a healthy, supportive and strong relationship with her ex-husbands and their wives.

Her daughter got married this summer. She has been friendly with her ex-husband and his wife for a very long time. This hasn't been without its challenges, but she is a determined soul and she fights for what she believes in. She believes in friendship. She believes in doing what is best for her children.

She has always known that he is a good dad and despite their different methods of parenting and views from time to time, it became very obvious at their daughter's wedding that they each believe that the other party is a good parent - a good person. The entire family came out the other side of divorce and are friends. They embraced, they love each other ... when the song "It Looks Like We Made It" was played, they looked at each other and said "That song is for us ..."

Three weeks later, this same friend was off a family holiday with her husband and youngest son ... to visit her son's father. For a week.

The relationship between the son and father has been estranged. The marriage broke up when their son was about two years old. There were many, many issues which brought about the divorce. It was a very unhealthy situation and my friend had to resort to blocking her ex-husband from being able to contact her. From what was understood at the time, it was the only answer that could provide her and her family any peace.

Fast forward several years ... when my friend changed telephone providers and neglected to block her ex-husband's number immediately. He called.

The past two years have been a process. A process that was complete (yet only just beginning) this summer when father and son (and ex-husband, ex-wife and all of their spouses) were reunited. It was a success on every level. The comment that my friend's husband told her ex was "I didn't think that I would like you ... but I do!" The feeling was reciprocated by all four parties. Then there was the father and son ...

My friend's son was not raised by his father. He didn't know his father. Yet mannerisms, looks, ways of thinking, behaviours ... you name it ... he is his father's son. There was a sense of coming home. Of belonging. Of knowing his father. This reunion completely transformed my friend's son. He is completely at peace.

His dad is a good guy. He thought his dad was a bad guy. He knew that his dad was a part of him. And if his dad was a bad guy ... so was he. But he's not. He's a good dad. He's a good human being. Knowing that his dad is a good guy has given the son permission to believe that he is a good guy.

My heart is so happy for my friend. She has attained what I only dreamed of. I told her this. Her story has such a good ending (really, a beginning).

But what if the dad wasn't such a good guy?? My heart aches for those who don't have that sense of peace ...