Thursday, September 26 - Letting in the Day
I can tell a lot about 'where I am at' by the status of our living room blinds.
Lately I have been very hesitant to open the blinds (which in my mind signify Open for Business) each week day morning. I have felt so un-ready to face these early mornings since the sun started sleeping in.
One of my daycare moms sometimes misjudges her time and arrives ten to fifteen minutes before my stated start-time. When I open the blinds early and find her car sitting there, my heart sinks. So I have started delaying the opening-of-the-curtains until I am mentally ready to find someone there.
It has not been unusual to open up the door and find one of my daycare parents ready to open the door themselves. The moments between "I'm ready" and "Go" have been next to non-existent.
The days when I can bravely open up the blinds fifteen minutes early (knowing that I am psyched up and ready to face the day if it is sitting there waiting for me) are the days that I strive towards.
I have been finding it increasingly hard to open up those blinds in the morning...
Friday, September 27 - Excuses, Excuses
I wrote those words yesterday morning just as I opened up the blinds. Fifteen minutes ahead of the start of my day. I thought I was ready. I wasn't.
The minute I typed those words, life swept in and carried me away from my thoughts, myself and the quiet of my all-too-short-morning. Again.
The kids barrelled in and wanted to pick up from where we left off yesterday. Playing games on the computer. Dancing, playing 'drums' (upside down margarine containers) and 'maraccas' (containers filled with rice) to our new-favorite-song ...
I had an unfinished (okay, okay ... I hadn't even started it yet) Birthday Project for one of my daycare family to create. I was in no mood to share the computer. But I did ...
From there, the kids went wild. This was only our second day of rain and cool weather. And we are already stir crazy. We went for a walk to the mailbox and when we came home, I instructed the kids to RUN in the back yard. Of course running is much more fun in the house and the acoustics (for yelling) are more effective with a roof to contain the noise. They ran all right. They ran into the mud and I had three sets of muddy shoes to contend with when we got inside.
I had to separate the kids while I assembled lunch. I couldn't take the dynamics when two of them were together (my two copycats copy each other to pieces and it always ends (or starts) with running and screaming and bouncing and ...). It took forever to make a simple soup and sandwich kind of meal.
Of course my three-year-old chose this same day to NOT fall asleep at nap time. He played instead. It delayed his falling asleep time by an hour. I thought this would also delay his wake-up time, so I was fine with that. He woke up earlier than he usually does.
Finally ... the house was quiet. I checked my email and found a message from a friend that has been sending me messages for a few weeks now and I still hadn't made the time to respond. So I started a response. Then I received a text from My Youngest as he was on his bus, on his way home from school (I forgot it was early dismissal day). Then the phone rang and it was a friend in a moment of crisis.
My Youngest got home and took over the computer. My Friend and I talked as long as our Daycare Lives would allow us. The kids woke up. And it was the morning all over again ...
My Birthday Project had been abandoned because I couldn't save my 'creation' on a DVD. I had scheduled 'problem solving' into our nap time, but that time was eaten up by other demands. I hadn't had a chance to make a card or anything inventive to present this little gift-of-video-footage to my Birthday Girl. And I was running out of time.
Finally, finally, finally I had printed off a birthday card that was simply going to have to do. And I assembled my little Daycare Family of Three at the table with paper and crayons. I wanted each of the kids to 'sign' the card to give to their Daycare Friend. And it worked. The energy in the house subsided and that got us through until the end of the day (which, by this time was minutes away).
Then (as if the day wasn't already full enough), I had to go and run a few errands. The cats were out of food and I needed milk for my Daycare Family. They were errands that could not be put off any longer.
I flopped into the car with a great sigh of relief when I completed my errands and was soooooo happy to be headed home when ... my key would not work in the car. I tried everything I knew how to try. I checked to see if I was sitting in the right car. I was. I tried again and again and again (the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to be different. Yes, the state of insanity was seeping deep into my soul).
Finally, I sent out an SOS to my Middle Son. Thankfully, he was home. Even more thankfully, he was willing to come and rescue me (after his trouble shooting suggestions didn't work). My Son must have sensed my low tolerance at the moment because he didn't even give me a very hard time when what he had suggested on the phone ... worked. I was off and driving within seconds.
I came home, grabbed my little DVD player and the latest episode of the Gilmore Girls that I had missed during my non-existent quiet time of the day. I plopped down on the couch with a can of Pringles, some sour ju-jubes and a bottle of Coke. I ate my 'supper' in my little room-with-a-door.
And this is why I didn't post a blog entry yesterday. Am I excused??
I should have kept the blinds closed.