I started my Friday morning with (what I thought) was a good plan. I was armed with positive thoughts, self-talk and inspiration. Then the Real World walked in the door and all of my best laid plans walked off the job.
I fell back into my moment-by-moment approach (is there really any other way you can deal with a house full of preschoolers?) and another week was spent.
It was not a fantastic first-week-back-after-holidays. I am disappointed in myself. I didn't come back refreshed and revived. I arrived back on the job on empty and I've been running on fumes all week.
I believe that this is a result of knowing that I have a working weekend ahead of me. I always, always enjoy the challenge of my days-with-numbers. I simply do not like tacking them onto the end of a work-week. But for the moment, that is my lot in life. I must simply accept it and trust that it will all work out for the best. It always does. Always.
I suppose some of my lack of enthusiasm for life has to do with the fact that I am not effectively dealing with that which I have some control. I feel stuck in a state of limbo as I hope some things work themselves out. It is quite likely that it is that very thing that is taxing my resources. I am spending my energy coping instead of working on solutions.
I know that part of this is simply 'winter'. My daycare challenges are larger than life because we are spending our days indoors. Four walls and a roof shelters us from the elements ... but those same four walls start closing in on you when you stay within the safety and comfort of home.
I feel it everywhere.
I don't want to leave my home. Not with my daycare charges in tow, not to work on the weekends, not to run errands nor even to go out and spend time enjoying the world.
I don't enjoy January. There is nothing that I can do about winter. But there is something that I can do about my self-imposed limitations. And that is where I must start. I need to start with a plan.
But for now? I simply must go to work. And face another day.
Happy January 11th! The days are getting longer. It was still light outside when my last Daycare Family left yesterday. Now there is something to celebrate.