I am feeling the weight of 'January' still sitting on my shoulders.
I can't seem to rid myself of to-do-lists and little piles of bookkeeping-homework; letters-to-respond-to; emails to return; financial this-that-or-the-other-thing.
Life was literally piling up me (little piles here, there and everywhere!) and weighing me down even more. So yesterday, I started my day by doing 'hard things'. Right from the moment go.
I sent off a month's worth of columns to the papers I write for. I replied to four emails. I wrote four letters (okay, they were only notes inside of a card - but they were still hand written).
I threw a chicken breast into the oven as we finished our breakfast so I could create a healthier version of Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup for lunch.
I've got a new little guy (2-1/2 yrs old) here this week and next. His daycare provider is on holidays, so his mom just needs someone to fill in for her holiday. But she said she may consider moving him to my daycare if all goes well, so this is a trial run for everyone. And it is going very well.
I have been interviewed by three different sets of parents over the course of the past month. I love 'selling' myself and my daycare. I love it ... because I believe in myself (and my daycare).
I invite people into my home, show them around, invite them to glance at our daycare yearbook so they can have a 'visual' of our life-at-daycare and I tell them 'who' I am and how I handle our days.
I look at our overall days-at-daycare and I see the good little citizens I am helping to guide, mold and teach. I compare where we were, to where we are and I can see the difference I'm helping to make in these little people's lives.
And I feel good about it.
I like what I do. I am doing a decent job. I feel appreciated. I am doing the best I can do (better some days, than others) and I am actually earning a decent living while doing all of the above.
It has taken over two years to get here, but I am starting to feel like financial stability is around the next corner.
In the mean time, I have diversified my income-earning-capabilities by dabbling in bookkeeping and writing on the side. These added income sources are also known (to me) as my retirement 'savings' plan.
There are so many things out of my control at the moment. Yesterday, I took care of all that was within my control. It is all we can ever really do. Any day.
I know worry is a waste of effort. I know one must redirect that energy into something tangible and just do what you can do.
I have done all I can do.
I know (for certain) that I will not need to fret over column deadlines for at least one month.
I know that I have fulfilled all contractual obligations and I will not be asked to verify my financial status for at least one month.
I am pretty certain that my mailbox will not be inundated with personal mail any time soon, so any handwritten notes and letters will be strictly voluntary.
I know I can color my hair and I am guaranteed I won't see new roots for (probably) a month.
I know I can pack my suitcase and know for a fact, that I will be headed somewhere this upcoming weekend. At the moment, the destination is unknown. But the fact that I am going? It is a certainty.
I think it is the uncertainty of that destination that has drained me of energy and taxed my coping skills. It was not until this morning, when I realized I can pack up my suitcase regardless, that the fog began to lift and I realized I can plan something after all.
I may need to plan to be flexible. But that is a plan unto itself. And it provides a small degree of certainty to what has otherwise been a rather uncertain time...